It is a truth universally acknowledged that a university student in possession of a healthy appetite must be in want of free food. Nowhere was this truth more evident than in the person of one Alfred F. Jones. (Though not as physically evident as one might suspect. Despite his fast-food diet, Alfred maintained a muscular physique courtesy of his absurdly fast metabolism.)
"Eat it Al" was known throughout campus as a student so brazen that he would walk into an event with free pizza and walk out with several slices before the event had even started. When event organizers had too many leftovers, they shot Alfred an email. His reputation had earned him several well-deserved bans from various campus groups, which only encouraged him to seek out even more creative alternatives for free food.
One fine spring day, those plans led him to seek out a partner in crime, none other than his long-suffering roommate, Arthur Kirkland.
"Hey, Artie! Guess what I learned today," Alfred announced with a big grin as he barged into Arthur's bedroom.
Arthur gazed up over the messy pile of books and notepads on his desk and rolled his eyes at his inconsiderate roommate. When Arthur had agreed to rent a house near campus with his best friend Kiku and Kiku's friend Alfred a year ago, he had expected more privacy than university-owned housing provided. Instead, he found himself dealing with a roommate with no manners and no concept of personal space. Even worse, despite the constant irritation, Arthur had grown rather fond of his annoying roommate. "Clearly it wasn't how to knock," he snarked in reply.
Oblivious to the attraction that Arthur hid behind his grouchy complaints, Alfred just laughed. "Hah, nope! Mei was telling me that bakeries will give you free samples if they think you're getting married." He rubbed his hands together excitedly. "You know what this means…"
"Let me guess. You've decided to help her with taste-testing."
"Even better!" Alfred's grin widened. "I got us a cupcake testing at one o'clock tomorrow."
Arthur stared at Alfred like he had grown a second head. "What do you mean 'us'?"
"The first four cupcake flavors are free," Alfred replied, ignoring Arthur's dumbstruck expression. "I wanna do chocolate and funfetti, but I'll let you pick the other two."
Arthur frowned. "Shouldn't you be asking Yong-Soo to go with you?"
"Nah, we broke up, like, a week ago." Alfred waved his hand dismissively.
"Oh, so sorry to hear that," Arthur replied impassively. He never bothered to keep track of Alfred's constantly rotating cast of girlfriends and boyfriends, but they had all been varying degrees of loud and annoying, especially Yong-Soo. Arthur returned to the more important matter at hand. "So you want me to pretend I'm marrying you just so you can eat some free desserts?"
Alfred nodded happily. "Yep. It's perfect. We don't even need a fake engagement ring 'cause you're a guy."
"And you expect me to go along with this because…?" Arthur arched his eyebrows.
Alfred held up his index finger. "One. Free food." He held up a second finger. "Two. It's not like you have anything better to do."
"Just my thesis," Arthur deadpanned.
"Exactly! Taking a break will help you think." Alfred smiled sweetly and pulled out the nuclear weapon of emotional warfare: his puppy-dog eyes. "Please, Artie?"
"I really shouldn't…"
"Pretty please?" Alfred leaned even closer and gazed at Arthur forlornly with his guileless, baby blue eyes.
"Alright, fine!" Arthur tossed up his hands. There was no point in fighting Alfred's zany plans. Besides, it was better to make sure someone reasonable was involved in the whole business to steer Alfred clear of anything too dangerous or risky. Arthur certainly had no ulterior motives in wanting to fake an engagement with his absurdly handsome bisexual roommate. He crossed his arms and sternly insisted, "But if they ask us any questions about our fake wedding, you're the one who needs to come up with the specifics."
"Thanks, Artie! You're the best," Alfred declared as he skipped away, leaving Arthur alone with his papers, his books, and a pounding heart.
The next day, Arthur found himself holed up in a local bakery called "Love at First Bite." He and Alfred perched on bar stools in front of a narrow counter while the assistant baker, Isabella, rattled off a smorgasbord of possible flavors, starting with "Amazing Caramel Apple" and ending in "Wonderful White Chocolate Raspberry." She enthusiastically walked them through every single possible detail of purchasing wedding desserts and then placed a tray of cupcakes in front of them. "Cupcakes are perfect for weddings because you don't have to slice them and you can offer a huge selection of flavors!" she gushed.
Alfred eyed the options hungrily and even Arthur's mouth began to water as he gazed at the artfully arranged cupcakes. They were larger and more decadent than the fairy cakes he had grown up with. The icing curled upward in a delicate spiral, promising a mouthful of sugar and pure deliciousness.
"You first, darling," Alfred said with fake gallantry and an ever faker southern accent as they played the role of a sappy, newly engaged couple.
Instead of his usual snarky response, Arthur smiled at Alfred sweetly and picked out a Coconut and Lime cupcake. He bit into the buttercream frosting dusted with coconut flakes and a hint of lime zest. His expression softened as he enjoyed the delicate interplay of flavors. Perhaps this was actually one of Alfred's better ideas. The cupcake was moist and delicious without being overwhelmingly sweet.
"How do you like that one, sweetheart?" Alfred asked.
"It's good," Arthur replied, trying not to blush at the sugary term of endearment. He licked the last of the icing from his lips and sighed happily. Alfred's gaze tracked Arthur's tongue as it darted over his lips. Arthur's heart fluttered, but he quickly tamped down the hope welling in his chest and reminded himself that Alfred was hungry for a cupcake and nothing else.
Isabella smiled and offered the tray to Alfred. "So when's your wedding?" she asked.
"The Fourth of July," Alfred breezily lied as he bit into a funfetti cupcake. "It's my birthday and Independence Day, so that way I'll never forget my anniversary. Plus, we can set off fireworks. Right, babe?" He turned toward Arthur and grinned, nudging Arthur in the side.
"I don't recall agreeing to fireworks," Arthur grumbled before remembering that it was ridiculous to get annoyed over fake wedding plans.
"But honey, you love seeing explosions!" Alfred replied with a wink. Arthur coughed as he nearly choked on the last bite of his cupcake.
Isabella covered her mouth with her hand and hid a grin. "Any idea how many you'll need?"
"Oh, tons of them!" Alfred replied eagerly. "I'm thinking some fountains, some sparklers, lots of artillery shells—"
Arthur snorted. "She's asking about cupcakes, Al, not the fireworks."
"Oooh." Alfred laughed. "Well, in that case—"
"—we're thinking a small ceremony," Arthur interrupted before Alfred could make up grandiose plans for a giant wedding. He didn't want Isabella to get her hopes up for a big sale when they weren't going to be buying any cupcakes.
Alfred pouted. "Aw, but all of my family wants to come celebrate!"
"Well, I'd rather my family not attend at all."
"Ah, sweetheart, it's okay. I'm gonna be your family," Alfred said as he wrapped his arm around Arthur's shoulder and pulled him into a gentle side-hug.
Arthur nearly fell off his stool in shock at the loving gesture and brazen statement of affection. He tried to hide his surprise and slowly leaned into the hug—because it would have looked suspicious to pull away too soon—and relaxed for a moment. It was warm and comfortable and everything he had secretly wished for. His heart constricted painfully with the knowledge that Alfred was putting on an act for the sake of free cupcakes and no other reason.
After a few more seconds, they slowly pulled apart. Arthur turned his attention back to the dessert tray and they each picked their second cupcake to try. Arthur tasted the red velvet with cream cheese frosting while Alfred chose a chocolate cupcake with a chocolate mousse filling.
"How long have you been together?" Isabella asked.
"Sorta three years, but we started dating two years ago," Alfred lied as he nibbled on the chocolate cupcake. "We started off as roommates and eventually I got up the courage to ask him on a date." Alfred glanced around the small bakery, which was decorated in soft pastels and smelled of chocolate and vanilla. "You know, our first date was in a bakery like this. I love sweets and Arthur likes to indulge me."
"Oh, how romantic!"
Arthur glanced at Alfred from the corner of his eye, surprised at how closely Alfred's story matched their actual relationship. The reason occurred to him a second later—it was much easier to lie when one just made small embellishments to the truth. Arthur tried to savor the red velvet cupcake, but it was hard to ignore the bittersweet knowledge that Alfred's loving behavior was simply a cockamamie scheme to gain free food. Even worse, what did it say about Arthur that he was so desperate for a scrap of affection that he would play pretend to humor his crush? He knew the only reason Alfred had picked him to play the role of fake fiancé was pure convenience.
As they finished the cupcakes, Isabelle presented them with the delivery and pricing options. Arthur gaped at the exorbitant price per cupcake. "We'll get back to you," he told her as he accepted her business card. Arthur tried to make it sound like they were seriously considering the expensive cupcakes for their wedding, but the disappointed look on her face demonstrated his failure.
Alfred, oblivious as always, complimented her on the delicious cupcakes and headed outside. He patted his toned stomach and sighed happily as they walked back to their apartment. "So, wanna pick a different bakery for next weekend?"
"I don't think that's a good idea," Arthur replied. As much as he wanted to fake date his hot roommate, Isabella's disappointed look reminded him of the human cost of their deception.
Alfred pouted. "Why not?"
"These aren't huge corporations, Al. We're taking their time away from paying customers."
"Oh." Alfred blinked and bit his lip in chagrin.
They walked together in silence for a while, moving briskly in the mild spring weather as they headed back to their apartment. The sidewalk was crowded near the shops and restaurants, but the crowds quickly thinned once they began walking up the hill past apartment buildings and rowhouses.
Arthur pretended to admire the irises blooming in neatly arranged flower beds along the sidewalk as he pummeled his brain for some excuse to continue their ruse. "Perhaps we could try something else."
Alfred perked up. "Like what?"
"Well, a restaurant would probably give us free dessert if we pretend it's our anniversary. We could pick one of the larger places and we'd still be paying for the rest of our meal, so it's not a big deal," Arthur suggested.
Alfred beamed. "That's a great idea!"
"This is a terrible idea," Alfred grumbled one week later as he stood in front of the hallway mirror and tried once more to get his tie into a halfway decent knot.
"They're never going to believe we're celebrating our anniversary if you arrive in torn jeans and a t-shirt," Arthur pointed out logically. His eyes feasted upon the rare and delectable sight of Alfred in trousers, a dress shirt, and a lovely blue tie that perfectly matched his eyes. Arthur didn't know that Alfred even owned such nice clothing and he'd certainly never seen him wear it before. The upgraded wardrobe was a wonderful side benefit of his little plan.
After Alfred failed at tying the knot once again, Arthur stepped closer, right in front of Alfred's strong, delectable chest. "Here, let me," Arthur said as he took the tie from Alfred and began expertly tying a knot, trying not to get distracted by the firm muscles right beneath his fingertips. Too late, Arthur realized that putting a tie on himself was a different skill from tying one for someone else. By the time he finished, the end result was even more lopsided than Alfred's failed attempts.
Alfred smirked at him. "See, it's harder than it looks!"
"Hold on." Arthur refused to give in that easily. He stepped around Alfred and stood behind him. With his chest pressed against Alfred's back, Arthur reached his arms around Alfred's neck and tied a perfect Windsor knot with ease. He caught Alfred's stunned gaze in the mirror and smirked back at him. "I just needed a better position. Now, hurry up or we'll be late."
Kiku glanced up from his video game as they walked past the living room on their way out to dinner. "You're going on a date?" he asked politely, eyebrows slightly raised.
"Nah, we're just fake dating for free food," Alfred explained with a grin. "Restaurants give you free dessert if they think you're celebrating an anniversary!"
"I see," Kiku responded with a carefully neutral expression.
"We'll explain later. Our reservation is in ten minutes," Arthur said, tapping his watch and dragging Alfred toward the door before Kiku could note that logically it would be just as easy to pretend to celebrate a birthday instead. Kiku smiled slightly at Arthur and waved goodbye.
The view from the restaurant's outdoor deck was breathtaking.
Alfred's hair shone like spun gold in the light of the setting sun. His signature cowlick ruffled gently in the breeze. His eyes gleamed with warmth and good humor from behind his glasses. The lines of his broad shoulders and muscular arms were visible beneath his dress shirt and bulged slightly as he rested his arms on the table. Arthur didn't even have the heart to comment that it was bad manners to rest elbows on the table. He was too busy trying not to drool.
"Nice view, isn't it?" Alfred said as he gazed out toward the bay. As a special treat for their anniversary, they'd been given a prime location on the outdoor patio with a stunning view of the sun setting across the bay.
"Mmm-hmm," Arthur agreed, briefly glancing at the gorgeous pink-and-orange sunset before he returned his gaze to feast upon his handsome roommate.
"So, what do you want to eat?" Alfred asked as he flipped through the elegant menu.
"You," Arthur replied with a cheeky grin, reveling in the opportunity to say what he really wanted while maintaining complete deniability.
Alfred laughed loudly in shocked delight. His cheeks flushed pink and it wasn't just from the light of the setting sun. He winked and played along. "Not until after dessert, darling."
Arthur nodded and smiled ruefully to himself. Of course Alfred would keep his eyes on the prize (free food).
They both ordered cheaper items and it was clear that the restaurant relied on its waterfront views and elegant ambiance for repeat customers, not the quality of its cooking. Still, by the time they finished their entrees, Arthur's face hurt from smiling. Alfred was a remarkably good dining companion when he was on his best behavior. He wasn't going to win any prizes with his manners (his elbows stayed on the table throughout the meal and he talked while eating), but he was so utterly charming with his compliments and pet names that Arthur didn't care. It was easy to see how Alfred had hooked up with so many boyfriends and girlfriends over the past year.
The waiter brought out dessert with a flourish. He set two forks and a generous slice of chocolate cake topped with fresh berries and salted caramel sauce at the center of the table. "Happy Anniversary" was written on the plate in beautiful chocolate cursive.
Alfred licked his lips and picked up his fork. Not looking the least bit concerned about sharing the same dessert plate, he eagerly took a bite. "Mmm," he said while chewing. "This is almost as good as our wedding cake," he added with a wink.
"I'll be the judge of that," Arthur teased as he savored his own bite of chocolate cake. The cake was mediocre, but Arthur didn't mind. Their fake dinner date had never really been about the free dessert for him. He'd eaten his fill just from seeing Alfred in a nice suit.
As Arthur expected, Alfred ate most of the cake, but he did leave the last bite for Arthur.
When the bill arrived, they glanced at each other awkwardly and Arthur realized his brilliant plan had one major flaw. It would look bizarre to go Dutch while celebrating an anniversary. "I'll put it on my card," Arthur offered. "And you can pay me back."
Alfred nodded. "Did you finally get Venmo?"
"Of course," Arthur lied, not ready to admit that his phone's limited storage was filled with silly mobile games. He'd make room for a new app somehow.
By the time they finished paying and started the walk back to the apartment, the sun had set and the pleasant evening air had turned a bit chilly. Arthur shivered slightly. A few seconds later, warmth enveloped him as Alfred draped his navy suit jacket over Arthur's shoulders. Arthur glanced over at Alfred in surprise. "We've already gotten our free dessert. You don't need to keep pretending."
"Nah. I just don't wanna wear that thing any longer," Alfred replied with a laugh.
"Of course." Arthur snorted fondly. "So, I'm your human coat hanger, am I?" He pulled the jacket tighter over his shoulders.
"You're more than that." Alfred winked. "You're also my accomplice. Now… any idea how to get the next free treat?"
"We could just go to campus events you haven't been banned from and get free food like normal students," Arthur suggested.
"Ah, where's the fun in that?" Alfred's eyes suddenly lit up. "Wait, I know! We can go to my cousin's wedding."
"I'd hate to impose on your family," Arthur demurred. As much as he relished the thought of another opportunity to see Alfred in a suit, Alfred clearly had not been paying attention to how much it cost to host guests at a wedding during their cupcake taste-testing.
Alfred grinned. "Nah, it's fine. Amelia's parents own the vineyard and I already said I was bringing a plus one. You won't cost them anything extra."
"There's also the small matter of my thesis."
"You can work on it on the car ride!" Alfred instantly replied. He turned to Arthur with a beseeching gaze. "Please, Artie? I've only got a couple weeks to find a date."
"You've never had trouble finding dates before," Arthur replied with a twinge of jealousy.
"Yeah, I guess…" Alfred stared at the ground.
"Hold on." Arthur cursed himself for the stupid, careless words. Why was he pushing Alfred away when yet another golden opportunity to spend time with his crush had landed in his lap? "Are we talking about an open bar?"
Alfred perked up. "All the wine you can drink!"
"Well, in that case, count me in."
The wedding was picture-perfect. The brides exchanged vows on a balcony overlooking the vineyard's rolling hills and an adorable beagle served as the ring-bearer. With two "I dos," the brides kissed and the party started.
Arthur, Alfred, and the other wedding guests ate dinner on an open-air patio beneath a trellis of blooming wisteria. Fairy lights strung along the patio railing provided soft illumination as evening fell. To Arthur's great disappointment, the wedding dress code was dressy casual. He had managed to talk Alfred into a button-down tan shirt and dark, stylish jeans, but Alfred's suit and tie had returned to the nether regions of his messy closet, never to be seen again.
Their table companions were an assortment of Alfred's innumerable cousins who, like Alfred himself, filled the night air with boisterous chatter and loud laughs. As the wine flowed freely, the conversation grew louder and the laughs lasted longer.
Arthur carefully sipped his excellent glass of chardonnay. As tempting as the alcohol was, he didn't want to overindulge and end up drunkenly confessing his deepest feelings with nothing to show for it the next morning except a hangover and regret.
Alfred had no such compunction and eagerly finished off one wine glass after another. His voice grew even louder as he chatted excitedly, slurring the occasional word. From time to time, he would pull Arthur into the conversation, but Arthur was mostly content to sit and watch. It was strange to see a family that actually enjoyed spending time with each other.
Suddenly, something cold and wet pressed against Arthur's ankle. He yelped and glanced down in surprise. At the skirt of the table, a beagle gazed up at him beseechingly with wide brown eyes.
"Hey, Corky!" Alfred cried excitedly as he reached down to pet the beagle sitting on its haunches between their chairs. "Are you being a good boy?" he asked in a sing-song voice. "Yes, of course, you're a good boy!"
Helpless as ever to puppy-dog eyes, Arthur slipped the dog a small piece of turkey.
Alfred watched him sneak table scraps to the beagle with a smile. "He's going to follow you around all night, you know."
"Well, what can I say… free food is the easiest way to a simple creature's heart," Arthur replied with a smirk of his own.
"Hey!" Alfred protested.
"Corky, there you are!" Amelia cried as she bounded over to their table in her elegant white dress. The tailoring did wonders for her waist and ample bosom. Arthur wasn't even attracted to women and he found it hard not to stare at her deep cleavage. Golden-brown curls framed Amelia's face as she smiled and laughed. She lifted the beagle into her arms, uncaring what might happen to her white wedding dress. "You're on a diet, you know," she reminded the dog as he licked her face.
"I still think you should have put a cloak on him and called him Frodo for the ceremony," Alfred said.
Amelia snorted. "God, you're such a nerd. This is why I don't take wedding advice from you." She waved at the other cousins as they congratulated her and then headed off to find her wife.
"Frodo's a cute name, but probably a bad choice unless you want the ring destroyed," Arthur said as he sipped his wine.
"Yeah, yeah." Alfred laughed and took another swig as he finished his fourth glass of wine. His cheeks were a little rosy and he stumbled slightly as he rose to his feet. "I'm gonna get another," he told Arthur. "You want one?"
"No, thank you." Arthur shook his head.
Even the slowest eaters had finished dessert by that point and the tables slowly emptied as more guests made their way to the dance floor. A live band played instrumental versions of pop songs, creating a fun and lively atmosphere.
Arthur waited a few more minutes for Alfred to return, then decided that his easily distracted roommate had gotten waylaid by something or someone on the way back to the table. Arthur headed off on a rescue mission, feeling a little lonely as he walked by himself through the crowds of happy, tipsy people. It was strange to feel alone amidst so much merriment. Everyone seemed to be surrounded by friends and family and all Arthur had was Alfred, who wasn't even his real boyfriend.
With a final swig, Arthur finished off the last of his wine and turned toward the open bar. Before he could refill his glass, however, a familiar voice called his name.
"Arthur, over here!" Alfred shouted as he gestured for Arthur to join a small group of twenty-somethings. "I was just telling them about you. Any word," he bragged to the crowd. "Seriously, give him any word!"
"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious," one young man suggested with a smirk as Arthur drew near.
"Easy," Arthur replied, before he quickly and correctly spelled the 34-letter word.
"Wow." A young woman smiled. "That's awesome!"
"He could just be saying random letters after 'super.' It's not like any of us are checking," her boyfriend interjected.
"Nah, it's real. I've seen professors test him," Alfred bragged with a loose smile and flushed cheeks.
"Spelling isn't that impressive," Arthur said. Especially since the Mary Poppins word was one of the most common requests and something he had memorized by age 6. Still, he enjoyed the way Alfred was beaming at him with pride.
"A good speller and modest. Quite the catch, Alfred," the brunette next to Alfred said with a laugh as she eyed Arthur up and down.
"Back off, Kathy," Alfred retorted as he reached for Arthur's hand and pulled him toward the dance floor. He stumbled on the step up to the wooden floor. Arthur tugged on Alfred's hand and managed to steady him.
"You're drunk," Arthur said somewhat incredulously as Alfred wrapped his arms around his waist and began swaying with him on the dance floor.
"No, you're drunk!" Alfred replied with a laugh.
Arthur scoffed. "I assure you that I am surprisingly sober."
Alfred looked confused. "But it's an open bar!"
"Yes, I know, I just…" Arthur sighed and trailed off. He didn't want to risk a solid friendship just for the sake of a second glass of wine. And once he got started, it would end up with him crying alone at the bar, the way it always did.
"You know what?" Alfred whispered as he leaned closer. His breath spelled of wine and chocolate cake.
Arthur gazed deeply into Alfred's eyes and forgot to breathe for a moment. "What?" he whispered back.
"Chicken butt!" Alfred shook so hard with laughter that he nearly tipped them both over.
Arthur rolled his eyes. "Alright, you're done for the night. Time to go to bed."
"But I'm having fun!"
"You're drunk," Arthur reminded his roommate as he led the stumbling man off the dance floor. He hefted Alfred's arm over his shoulder and nearly fell over at the extra weight. "Oof, you're also heavy," Arthur muttered as he helped guide Alfred through the front doors of the rustic resort and toward their small room at the end of the hallway.
"I'm not fat!" Alfred protested.
"That's not what I meant," Arthur replied as he unlocked the door and flicked on the light. Alfred stumbled on his own toward the bathroom while Arthur closed the door behind him.
Trying to ignore the sound of Alfred emptying his bladder from a few too many glasses of wine, Arthur glanced over at the bed and took a deep breath. He'd been ignoring the problem all evening, but there was still only one bed. It hadn't spontaneously duplicated itself during the wedding ceremony. Arthur didn't mind sharing, but he didn't want to be the one to suggest it lest Alfred finally realize the truth. One thing would lead to another and the end result would be that Arthur would no longer have a roommate.
As the bathroom door opened, Arthur turned around and gaped as Alfred walked out of the bathroom completely shirtless. Alfred grabbed Arthur's hand and pressed it against his toned stomach. "See, not fat!" he said.
Arthur gulped and stared at the toned six-pack. Without conscious thought, he splayed his fingers across Alfred's tanned abs. "No," he agreed, rather dazed. "Very… very firm. Very fit." He patted Alfred's firm stomach a few times for good measure. He stared hungrily, greedily, suddenly remembering how long it had been since he had enjoyed the pleasure of another man's touch. After a few more seconds of voyeuristic hedonism, Arthur finally managed to pull his gaze up to Alfred's face, where Alfred rewarded him with a brilliant smile.
"We should be fuck buddies," Alfred suggested.
Arthur suddenly doubted his own sobriety. "What?"
"Y'know. Buddies who fuck."
"I know what friends with benefits are," Arthur said, torn between desire and confusion. "Why me?" he demanded.
"I dunno." Alfred shrugged and Arthur's heart sank as he realized the answer. It was the same reason Alfred had come to him with the cupcake-tasting scheme and later asked him to be a stand-in wedding date. Arthur was convenient and available. After all, it wasn't like he had anything better to do (or anyone, for that matter).
"That's just the wine talking," Arthur replied as he shook his head and crawled despondently into bed, still wearing his sweater vest and chinos. He reached for the lamp and turned off the light. Alfred lay down next to him a moment later. As with most things, they had resolved the bed issue by not talking about it.
Arthur stared at the ceiling and sighed, but his effort to dwell on his morose thoughts was quickly interrupted.
"Why do they always leave?" Alfred slurred despondently.
"Who?" Arthur asked.
"Everyone! Yong-Soo. Bella. Lovino. They always leave me."
Arthur rolled his eyes, upset that his pity party for one had somehow become a pity party for two. "Does it really matter? They were annoying."
"You think everyone's annoying," Alfred reminded him. "You think I'm annoying."
"You are," Arthur muttered. "Especially when you switch from a happy drunk to a sad drunk. Can't you just go to sleep?" He didn't mention the brief layover at 'horny drunk' because the sooner they both forgot, the happier they would be.
A sniffle came from Alfred's side of the bed. A second later, it was followed by a half-choked sob.
Arthur's heart clenched as he rolled onto his side and gazed with dismay as Alfred tried to muffle the sound of his crying into a pillow. Arthur gently rested his hand on Alfred's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that," he apologized. "I'm upset about… something else… and I took it out on you."
"But you do think I'm annoying," Alfred replied, voice muffled by his pillow.
"Now and then," Arthur admitted. "But you're also…" A thousand possible attributes crossed Arthur's mind—charming, handsome, funny, energetic, confident, creative, light-hearted, breathtaking. He settled on: "…a very good friend."
Alfred's sniffles slowly died away. "You're not gonna leave me, right, Artie?"
"I re-upped our lease for another year, didn't I?" Arthur replied, his tone soft as he smiled fondly.
"Yeah." Alfred buried his head against Arthur's shoulder. "Another year." He fell silent as he finally fell asleep. Arthur followed behind a few moments later, enjoying the warm and comfort of Alfred curled up beside him.
Alfred was too hungover for brunch the next morning, but Arthur enjoyed himself immensely. He savored the mimosas and made-to-order omelets and spent some time complimenting Amelia and Lien on their beautiful wedding and adorable dog.
After a lovely brunch, Arthur returned to the room with a slice of buttered toast for Alfred, who looked a little better after a shower. Alfred managed to nibble a few bites of bread, though he was still a little green around the gills.
"So, any thought to our next scheme for free food?" Arthur asked mischievously.
Alfred groaned. "Ugh, I don't want to think about food right now."
Arthur smirked. "Words I never thought I would hear you say."
"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Alfred asked, eyebrows furrowed.
"You enjoyed yourself too much last night, so I get to enjoy myself this morning."
A panicked look crossed Alfred's face. "You're not mad, are you?"
"No." Arthur shook his head. "You were fine. Just… a hassle."
Alfred breathed a sigh of relief. "Good."
"Well, I suppose there's no point making plans for the next two weeks anyway," Arthur said as he started packing his clothing into his overnight bag. "I need to study for finals."
Alfred groaned in pain and this time it wasn't the hangover. "Don't remind me!"
True to his word, Arthur spent the next week holed up in his room studying diligently for finals. Alfred was quieter than normal and Arthur found himself missing his roommate's loud, sporadic interruptions. Alfred still acted as happy-go-lucky as ever in public, but Arthur had known him long enough to tell that beneath the surface, Alfred was upset about something.
Fortunately, Arthur knew the easiest way to lift Alfred's spirits. After a quick stroll to the bakery, he returned with two cupcakes and knocked on Alfred's bedroom door.
Alfred blinked in surprise when he opened the door.
"May I come in?" Arthur asked as he offered Alfred the funfetti cupcake.
"Uh, yeah." Alfred grabbed his dirty clothes off the folding chair and tossed them into the closet to give Arthur a place to sit. The bed was unmade and various take-out boxes sat on the desk next to Alfred's custom-built computer.
"Everything going okay with finals?" Arthur asked awkwardly as he took a bite of his coconut-and-lime cupcake. It was as sweet and moist as the first time.
Alfred shrugged. "I guess." He nibbled his cupcake, but didn't seem to be enjoying it very much.
"Maybe we should do another cupcake taste-testing to celebrate when we're finished," Arthur suggested. He wanted to experience the warm and fuzzy feeling of their first fake date again. Perhaps sugar would fix whatever was wrong with Alfred.
"I thought you didn't want to deceive small businesses?" Alfred tilted his head to the side.
"A little deception here and there is probably okay," Arthur extemporized. He would happily compensate them with extra purchases if he could just get his cheerful roommate back.
Alfred started to chuckle.
"What's so funny?" Arthur demanded.
"I can't believe you're willing to go further for free food than I am," Alfred said with a grin as he shook his head.
"It was your idea in the first place," Arthur protested.
"Yeah, but—" Alfred slammed his mouth shut. "Never mind."
Arthur frowned. Pieces slowly clicked into place. Would Alfred really be so gung-ho about the fake dates if he didn't have at least some interest in Arthur? The more Arthur thought about it, the more Alfred's desire for free food appeared to be a thin veneer to hide his true motivation. What if Alfred wanted to go on a date, but had used the cupcakes as an excuse to date without running the risk that a rejection would make their lives awkward as roommates? It was so brilliant Arthur wished he had come up with the plan himself. "I get it now." Arthur smiled. "It wasn't the food that interested you."
Alfred stared at him blankly. "What are you talking about? Of course, I wanted free cupcakes."
"Oh." Arthur's heart sank to the floor. "Well, I'll leave you to your cupcake, then," he said. He climbed to his feet with a heavy heart and headed for the door.
"Wait!" Alfred lunged to his feet and grabbed Arthur's sleeve before he could leave.
"What?" Arthur demanded as he turned around.
"What's up with the cupcake?" Alfred asked, his grip still tight on Arthur's sleeve.
Arthur glanced at Alfred's half-eaten funfetti cupcake and then turned back to look at Alfred. "I thought you liked funfetti best," he explained.
Alfred shook his head as he let go of Arthur's sleeve. "No, I mean… why?"
"Because you like food?" Arthur replied, brow furrowed in confusion.
"Seriously, Arthur. We've been roommates a year and you've never brought me random desserts before."
"Would you rather I not bring you treats?" Arthur asked, unwilling to admit to his own motivations.
"No," Alfred quickly replied.
Arthur felt himself standing on the edge of a precipice. He could pull back and protect what he had or… he could take a risk and try for something better. Arthur caught Alfred's gaze and then quickly looked away. As usual, he settled for an approach dancing on the edge, never quite saying what he meant. "This was easier when we were fake dating," Arthur said wryly.
"Yeah," Alfred agreed. "We were a great fake couple. Fooled everyone."
"It wasn't hard," Arthur replied as he carefully gauged Alfred's expression, looking for clues and hoping that he was right about what he saw.
Alfred grinned. "I know. I think I almost fooled myself."
"Oh?" Arthur edged closer.
"Can you imagine the two of us dating for real?" Alfred asked, his tone playful on the surface, but a serious look in his eyes.
"That would be…" Arthur trailed off. Bloody marvelous, his mind supplied. "Something to see." An image flashed in his mind of his fingers splayed across Alfred's bare chest. He bit his lip.
Alfred slowly nodded and leaned closer. "What are you thinking about?" he asked softly.
Arthur gazed deeply into Alfred's sparkling blue eyes as they drew closer and closer. "You," he murmured. Arthur titled his head upward and his eyes fluttered shut of their own accord. A second later, their lips met in a soft, gentle kiss. After a dazed second, Arthur wrapped his arms around Alfred's neck and pulled him closer as their kiss quickly grew hungrier and more passionate. Alfred wrapped his strong arms around Arthur's waist. Arthur barely registered the comforting feeling as he desperately searched for a better angle to deepen the kiss. He wanted to devour Alfred until they both ran out of breath.
By the time Alfred finally pulled away, his cheeks were flushed red and his glasses were smudged and slightly askew. He stared down at Arthur with bright, sparkling eyes. "Wow."
"Mmm," Arthur agreed, eyes half-lidded like a contented cat.
Alfred grinned. "Wanna do that again?"
"Oh, god yes," Arthur breathed.
In the warm afternoon light, Arthur lounged on Alfred's bed and gazed up at the ceiling. For the first time in months, he felt perfectly relaxed and content.
"You know… there's still one thing I don't understand," Alfred murmured from his position sprawled out on the bed next to Arthur.
"Only one?" Arthur rolled onto his side and arched his impressive eyebrow.
"Hah hah." Alfred rolled his eyes. "What made you change your mind after the wedding?"
"What are you talking about?" Arthur asked, utterly confused.
"I poured my heart out to you and you friend-zoned me so hard I thought I was Jorah Mormont."
Arthur blinked in surprise. "What?"
"On Game of Thrones, Jorah was in love with…"
"I got the reference," Arthur interrupted. "But that's not what happened. You wanted to be friends with benefits, but you couldn't come up with a single reason why you wanted to sleep with me. I assumed it was the wine talking." Arthur felt a sudden pang of worry. "You know, you still haven't explained why you went from dating every Tom, Dick, and Harry, to wanting to go out with me."
"Promise you won't get mad?" Alfred asked.
Arthur narrowed his eyes. "I make no such promise."
"Fine, fine." Alfred stared at him helplessly. "I can't really explain it. First, I wanted cupcakes and you were the first person I thought of. Then, it was fun and I wanted to keep doing it. And then there was this moment when I looked at you at the wedding and I just knew I didn't want to date anyone else."
"But why me?" Arthur pressed.
Alfred reached over and clasped Arthur's hand. He smiled fondly. "You're... incredible. I don't even know how to describe it." He gazed deeply in Arthur's eyes as he searched for the words to explain indescribable feelings. "You're smart and thoughtful and kind. And your sarcasm is amazing. Plus, you're so fucking gorgeous you have no idea."
"You should have said something earlier," Arthur replied with a smile as he squeezed Alfred's hand.
"I was worried if we dated for real you'd dump me as fast as everyone else does," Alfred admitted softly.
"I… huh." Arthur chuckled as relief swelled in his chest. "God, we're such idiots. You're so oblivious you have no idea what you want and I'm such a worrywart that even though I knew what I wanted, I was too afraid to do anything about it. No wonder we lived together for a year with Kiku just subtly dropping hints the entire time."
Alfred blinked. "Kiku was dropping hints?"
"You should ask him sometime." Arthur slowly smiled. "But maybe we should go on a real date first?"
Alfred smiled so widely that Arthur knew the answer before he even said it. "Hell, yes!"
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[A/N: I've mostly switched over to publishing on AO3, but I figured I'd post this story here as well for anyone still following me on ffnet. Stay safe and read fluff!]