"C'mon Boss, it wasn't like that – it's complicated."
Gibbs snorted violently, causing an image of an aggrieved dragon to erupt in Tony's mind. The paddle tucked under his arm weighed heavy as he leaned against the doorway of the abandoned Conference Room that he and his Second-in-Command were closeted in.
"Advanced calculus is complicated," he said in a deathly calm voice. "Astrophysics is complicated… obeying the simple, reasonable instructions of your superior Agent is not complicated, it's borderline kindergarten level."
Tony frowned in confusion.
"You took advanced calculus?"
The ferocious snarl that erupted across Gibbs' face answered his poorly timed question and he chewed lip nervously. A constipated silence settled between the two men as Tony raked his brain for something meaningful to say in his defence. He felt a tension headache nibble at his temples when the best he could come up with was a weak shrug of the shoulders and what he thought was a winning smile.
"Mea culpa, Boss. Ok? Mea culpa. Now I think I'll just be getting back to- "
"Take one step DiNozzo and you can let me know which one of your girlfriends to send your autopsy report to."
"Alright, alright," Tony mumbled. "Staying still, Boss."
"Oh, thank you," Gibbs snapped sarcastically. "Seeing as you're being so cooperative, perhaps you might like to tell me just what in the good hell you were thinking when you rocked into this office this afternoon, five hours late, reeking of last nights booze with last nights lipstick all over your stink ass shirt?"
Tony flinched at the accuracy of Gibbs' summation.
"And while you're at it," the elder man thundered on, "perhaps you can tell me why you chose today, of all days, to act like an eighteen-year-old college freshman instead of my Second-in-Command? Today, of all days, when you knew full well that we had the SecNav's annual inspection commencing at eight am sharp!"
He drew a sharp breath.
"You made the team look bad, me look bad, the Director look bad, and this Agency look bad. More importantly, you made yourself look bad. You know more than most that I don't give a damn about appearances the other three hundred-and-sixty-four days of the year, but you had to go ahead and choose the one day of the year when appearances are everything in order to keep our funding to act like a boneheaded drunk. I want to know why, and I want to know why right the hell now!"
Tony flushed, shuffled and hung his head somewhat.
"Boss, I am not lying when I tell you that I forgot the SecNav inspection was today," he muttered sheepishly. "I forgot, honestly, I forgot. I know I shouldn't be late or hungover any day of the year, but I would never have gotten so… merry last night if I'd remembered that today was inspection day."
He looked up with his trademark puppy dog eyes that made Gibbs relent just a little.
"Sorry, Boss. I'm sorry I let you and the team down."
The team lead sighed and issued a head slap that elicited a small yelp.
"Don't make this worse by apologising. You know better."
Tony rubbed his head, already throbbing under the siege of last night's bourbon, and nodded ruefully. He glanced at the paddle tucked under Gibbs' arm and felt his butt clench reflexively. This didn't go unnoticed by the silently watching Gibbs who sighed and rubbed a tired hand through his hair.
"I'm going to ask you one question and one question only. You lie to me, think about lying to me, or think about thinking about lying to me and I will tear you up in a way that will make you yearn for the sweet release of death. You got that?"
Already thinking that the heavenly plains above seemed to be calling, Tony nodded.
"Got it, Boss."
Gibbs stared his protégé in the eyes for a moment.
"Did you get wasted last night because you were… how do the kids say it… living your best life… or did you do it because there's something going on with you. Something I don't know about and should know about?"
Tony didn't hesitate and offered the older man a hint of his usual roguish smile.
"I was living my best life," he replied honestly. "Until now… that is."
Gibbs rolled his eyes and nodded.
"I thought so. Now, DiNozzo, are you aware of what is going to happen when I leave this office? I might get as far as my desk, but I think that it being a bit hopeful… I probably won't make it past the elevator."
Tony's eyes found his shoes.
"The Director is going to ream you out," he mumbled shamefacedly.
"Bingo," said Gibbs "and that kind of thing is a massive pain in my ass. So, what do you think I am going to do about that?"
Tony's eyes remained fixated upon his shoelaces.
"Practice forgiveness and take one for the team?"
Gibbs' guttural growl had him back peddling with a defeated sigh.
"Give me a massive pain in my ass as well," he groaned before looking up with a repeat of his labradoodle eyes. "Well, maybe not a massive pain, huh Boss? Maybe more of a moderate pain, if you will. A ripping the band aid off kind of pain. Not uhh… not a breaking that paddle across my ass kind of pain. What do you think?"
Gibbs' eyes narrowed.
"I think you have five seconds to drop those pants, bare that butt and bend over that desk so that I can teach you the merits of arriving to work on time and in a state of sobriety. That's what I think, DiNozzo."
Tony's eyes morphed from saddened Labradoodle to demon Chihuahua.
"Boss," he wheedled. "C'mon man… let me keep them up at least, I-"
"If I have to put you over that desk myself DiNozzo, I promise you will rue the day."
Tony looked at him miserably, never to know how much his sad eyes cut the older man to the quick, before shuffling slowly over to the dreaded table with which he was so well acquainted. To his credit, he hesitated for only a second before feeling Gibbs' glare on his back. He made short work of pushing down his neatly pressed slacks and shorts and bending over the shiny surface, gripping the other side tighter than tight. He heard Gibbs move into position behind him and felt the familiar warm hand land softly on the small of his back.
"I think ten ought to do the trick," Gibbs said quietly. "You're going to count em."
Tony grimaced into the crook of his right arm. Gibbs only made him count when he really wanted to hammer the point home, but he couldn't argue with the amount. He was expecting a hell of a lot more. A mumbled acknowledgement was offered, and Gibbs nodded unseen before steeling himself to do the part of his job that he despised, dreaded and determinedly saw through every single time.
The first lick landed with his usual marine precision and elicited the anticipated yelp of surprised pain from its recipient. Gibbs waited as a solid block of pink began to flush into the pale skin in front of him for Tony's breathless "one, Boss," before raising his arm high once more. The licks fell steadily, and the counts came slower and slower after each one with Tony struggling to keep it together.
By the time the eighth swat landed, Tony's shaky "eight, Boss," was tinged with teary remorse and the ninth precision swat instigated a silent stream of solid tears. Feeling his heart weigh heavier than the Gran Canyon, Gibbs forced himself to find the will to issue the last punishing lick which reverberated around the room to the backdrop of Tony's wail.
Immediately releasing his chastened right-hand-man, Gibbs placed the paddle back in the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet in which it lived so Tony wouldn't have to see it when he roused himself. He took his time, as was his trademark, in doing so to allow Tony the privacy to gingerly pull his pants back up over his scorched behind which was nothing short of fire engine red.
Turning slowly around, Gibbs felt his tough outer exterior melt at the sight of the tousle haired and red rimmed eyes of the young man looking back at him. Walking slowly towards Tony so that there was only a foot between them, he raised a brow and cocked his head to the side. His voice, when he spoke, was markedly different from the voice that had instigated the conversation only a few moments before.
"Learn your lesson, Tony?"
Tony sniffed dramatically, rubbing a hand across his damp eyes.
"Learned the whole syllabus, Boss."
Gibbs rolled his eyes at the hyperbole.
"Always the smartass, huh DiNozzo?"
Tony grinned and the sight of his easy going protégé shining through made Gibbs smile his crooked smile right back.
"Well, my ass is smarting right now. Is your batting arm ever going to decline?"
Gibbs snorted.
"Not while you're around DiNozzo, not while you're around."
Tony chuckled before sobering somewhat and looking Gibbs directly in the eye.
"Headslap me if you must, but… I really am sorry, Boss. It won't happen again."
Gibbs moved forward as if to issue another headslap and Tony steeled himself before relaxing when, instead of slapping him upside the head, Gibbs drew him into a brief hug. Releasing him, he crossed his arms and smiled a smile that made Tony feel uneasy.
"What are you thinking, Boss? You have that evil look on your face that you get when you're thinking about evil things…"
Gibbs smiled even more broadly still.
"I'm thinking about what Abby is going to say to you when you tell her you can't go to her bowling championship on Friday."
Tony frowned.
"But I can go to her bowling championship on Friday. I am going to her bowling championship on Friday."
Gibbs shook his head slowly.
"Oh no you aren't," he said sweetly. "When Leon is finishing kicking my ass for this disaster, he's going to load me up with cold cases for review that will take the whole weekend so that I can have some quiet time to reflect on how I must manage my people better."
His smile grew broader as horror popped in Tony's green eyes.
"Unfortunately, I have a date with a beautiful woman on Friday that I don't intend to miss and so you will be reviewing those cold cases at home, all weekend, to be ready for drop off on my desk first thing Monday morning."
Tony spluttered in indignation.
"But you already punished me! I won't sit for at least two days."
Gibbs shrugged without remorse.
"Then you can stand whilst you review those cases but review them you will."
"That's double jeopardy," muttered Tony sourly. "I have rights you know. I have rights against double jeopardy. You can't just leave a permanent imprint of that damn paddle on my ass and land me with cold case review."
Gibbs raised a dangerous brow.
"That's a smart mouth for someone who still has a smarting ass, DiNozzo," he said slowly. "Maybe I didn't make as much of an impression as I thought I did… maybe you should just bend yourself back over that desk and I can-"
"Okay, okay!" exclaimed Tony. "Cold cases, on it. No complaints here."
Gibbs nodded knowingly.
"I thought so… now, what do you say to going downstairs and actually doing some work today. Would that be ok? Do you need some iced tea or anything before you get started? A massage, perhaps?"
Tony rolled his eyes at Gibbs' back as he led him out of the Conference Room.
"Sarcasm is the lowest form of humour, Boss, you know that right?"
Gibbs chuckled as he pulled the door shut behind them and set off down the hall.
"And rolling your eyes at me is the lowest form of self-preservation, DiNozzo, you know that right? You do that again and you'll be doing cold cases next weekend too with the benefit of a hot ass. Capiche?"
Tony leaned his head against the cool metal of the elevator as the door slid shut and closed his eyes in defeat.
"Capiche, Boss. Capiche."
…..
A/N: I cannot believe I haven't posted at all this year. It's been crazy for me between Covid, Work and Family/Friends so my apologies. This little one-shot was just to get my writing juices going again and I will be updating my two/three WIPs soon.
Inks x
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