Chapter 8

Danny was beyond pissed.
"I am sorry doc. I know he hates hospitals, but I totally didn't expect him to react like that. He didn't even listen to what I had to say. Everything that was on his mind was "going home". I will try to talk to him again when we are home. Maybe I can convince him to at least think about everything, tell him what you've told me. I can't promise anything, but…"
"Detective. It's not your fault. This is just part of his problem. The problem I see here is that he will be back in a few days if he doesn't change anything – maybe even if he does. I think he just doesn't realize how serious his condition is – physically and mentally."
"I'll make sure he won't be alone the next few weeks."
"That is very thoughtful of you, but I hope you are not the only person who is going to stay with him, because that will be an impossible task for one person.
There will be mood swings – worse than today. You will fight and argue - probably about "nothing" because he is very touchy at the moment - and it is going to put your friendship to the test more than once. And it doesn't guarantee anything. You can argue with what does, but I think there is a better chance of healing if you can convince him to come back. I would really like to put him on some vitamins, minerals and stuff and I'd like to consult a psychologist as well...Don't worry. Firstly, it would just be an evaluation and secondly, if they don't connect, he can change to someone else. Healing is only possible if patient and doctor get along – especially when it comes to psychological issues."

"I'll try."

"I appreciate that very much. Papers are ready. You want to join me for the "prison release"?"

"Glad you kept your humor, but no, I am going to wait outside. I'll get my car and wait in the short-term parking zone. That way I have a look at the main entrance and see him coming."

He did and he waited, but Steve never came out.

'Damn. What's taking so long. I'd say he sneaked out, but he is supposed to be brought here in a wheelchair. His cell is home. Damn. That bastard found a way.'

Danny was already on the way home – to be at least there when Steve would arrive, because the SEAL didn't even have a key – when his cell rang.

Dr. Hanson gave him the short version of what had happened, assured him that Steve was resting again and asked him if he would mind to come back to stay with his friend.
Of course Danny wouldn't mind and his anger turned into worry once again.

"Thanks for coming back. I know you are angry at your friend, but I still think it is better he sees your face than an unknown when he wakes up."

"Sure. No problem. Did he hurt himself?"

"Not much. His right wrist is badly sprained, but other than that he seems fine. We bandaged it to give it some support, but it should be fine in a few days. He got very lucky."

Waking up was pretty much the same as last time. Danny noticed that Steve was about to come around, started to talk to him, took his hand in his and squeezed. Steve came to slowly, was disoriented and confused and asked "Danny?"

"Yeah, who else would stick around by an idiot like you?" Danny had meant it as joke, wanted to tease his friend, but Steve said "Nobody" and turned his head away.

'Damn. He is not even really awake, but this got through to him."

"Hey, I didn't mean it like that. I love you," Danny tried to soothe his friend.

"No, it's fine. You should leave like everyone else – before it is too late." Steve answered with sadness in his voice.

"Don't…" Danny started, but Steve interrupted again.
"It was already close. I don't want it to happen for real. Just…just go." The way Steve had spoken the words, Danny could feel that it was the guilt that spoke out of his friend once more. They had spoken about that a lot of times, but it seemed like it wasn't that easy to get rid of that part.
'Who am I kidding? I know how hard this is.' Danny thought to himself, but stated "You are an idiot."

"I know. You've already told me."

"Steve. I know that you know I don't mean it like that. Do you remember Matty – my brother?"

"Of course, I do. What kind of a question is that?" Steve said half confused half annoyed.

"And do you remember what you've told me about feeling guilty about his…what had happened? That it was…"

"That is different."

"How is that any different!?"

"Because Matty did what he did and paid for it. You got caught in the crossfire. Because of me."

"Yes, I got caught in the crossfire. No, not because of you. If you want to blame someone – I am sorry – then take your mother. She is…"

"She is dead, Danny!"

"I know. That…"

"Because of me – and I don't want you to be the next one. I couldn't…"

"No! This is not your fault either Steven. Why just don't you get that? She was the one that had started everything with her failed mission. She is the reason for you getting tortured – twice! – by Wo Fat, she is responsible for a lot of deaths – like the governor's and her assistant's for example – for getting you in trouble more than once and she had had the opportunity – more than once – to make things right. But she lied to you again and again. It were her actions that got her killed and it were her actions that had brought Daiju Mei upon us. And the only reason Daiju Mei took me was because I am your best friend. And that is your fault. Because you are a great guy and friend and I don't want to miss that in any way. I don't care how many Daiju Meis are out there. And it is my fault too, because you are my best friend too."

"And I don't want to lose you Danny." Steve was near tears now. "I couldn't live with that."

"You won't lose me, okay?"

"You don't know that…there is always someone after us and I…I can't protect you if…if…if I am here." Finally, the words were out.

"You don't have to protect me. I have a good team by my side." Danny tried to reassure again.

"But they are not at home. What if someone is coming in again?" Steve argued.

"Hey." Danny took Steve's hand. "I'm good, okay? What happened was a one-time incident. We have to take care of you now. You need help, Steve."

"I know," he whispered.

"You know!?" Danny asked surpised. "Then why didn't you come to me? You know I am there for you - anytime," he continued with a soft voice.

"I know you are. But…I…I didn't even know what…what to say. And I needed to figure things out first. That's why I wanted to leave. But then you…you got hurt. And after everything you had done for me, I just couldn't…what if something happens again…if…if…I will be too late then? I know for sure that will be the last hit for me."

"That won't happen."

"But it can…and…and only the thought…it's just too much to bear and…and I just don't know what to do. Nothing…Nothing I have ever learned helps me to erase the thought – or even to chase it away for long. It…it just comes up again and again and overwhelms me out of nowhere." Steve admitted a little louder than the whisper he had used before, but still low enough and with so much desperation that it sounded like a defeat and it almost hurt Danny physically.

"That's what's keeping you awake at nights?" Danny asked sympathetically.

"Among others."

Both men fell silent for a few seconds, then Danny squeezed Steve's hand again. When Steve looked up, Danny said "We'll find something."

Steve nodded "How…how long do I have to stay here?"

"I don't know buddy. We have to ask the doc, but you have some health issues that need to be treated right away, especially if you consider your radiation poisoning and your already compromised immune system…Why didn't you eat properly?"

"Wasn't hungry…and sometimes I was so nauseous that I thought I would bring the food up anyway."

"We'll get that under control again."

"I am sorry Danno." Steve felt really miserable about what he did to his friend – in words and in actions.

"What did I tell you about that?"

"Can't…can't call you Danno anymore?" Steve brought out.

"No, you moron. I meant about saying sorry because you are sick or need help."