Chapter 25

He took an umbrella, told Eddie to stay where he was and went outside.
The rain was still pouring down and although Danny's feet and legs got wet from the splashing water, he was thankful that the umbrella kept most of the rain away from him – it was cold.
After he had gone a few yards, he could see Steve – standing on the beach and facing the ocean. Just like Danny he was still wearing the clothes he had gone to bed with – shorts and a T-shirt. Both items were soaking wet and sticking to Steve's skin.
"Steve!?" Danny called out.
He didn't get an answer, so he went a little closer.
"Steve!?" he asked again. The SEAL turned his head and looked at his friend, but didn't say anything. Danny was close enough now to see that Steve was shivering.
"What are you doing here!? It's cold. Let's go inside!"
He took Steve by his elbow and immediately noticed how cold it was.
"Damn. How long have you been standing here already?"
"Don't know. Couldn't sleep. Needed to be outside."
'And didn't notice that it was raining buckets?' Danny thought but said "Okay. But it is enough for now. Let's go inside."
"'kay," Steve said and let himself be led to the house without resistance.
When they opened the door Eddie started to bark again, his tail was wagging and he jumped around showing both men that he was happy to see them back inside.
After both man had patted the dog, Eddie lay down and observed the two humans.
Steve just stood there like he didn't know what to do, a puddle already forming around him from his soaked clothes. He was still shivering and when Danny pressed a towel into his friend's hand, he saw that the SEAL's lips were already blue.
"Steve? Dry yourself with the towel and take of your clothes. I'll bring you fresh ones."
"I am sorry Danny." Steve looked Danny in the eyes, then his own welled up with tears and he said with a breaking voice "I can't return to Five-0. I tried, but I can't do it."
Danny hadn't expected that.
"Is that what this is all about? You were thinking about a return and the possible outcome and how to tell me?"
Steve didn't make any sound. He just nodded and the tears were running down his cheeks mixing with the water that was still dropping to the ground from every part of his body and clothes.
"Okay. We'll talk about that later. Get yourself dry before you get even colder."
Steve did as he was told, wrapping the towel around his waist when he was finished while Danny started the jug kettle and got some fresh clothes.
He returned with some sweats, briefs and a pair of thick socks.
Steve looked gratefully at Danny before he took the offered items.
When he was finished putting them on, Danny returned from the kitchen with a mug containing hot tea. He put it on a small table beside a big grey day bed which was still folded out from their movie night before.
"Sit," he pointed to the furniture. Steve felt uncomfortable and embarrassed, but he did what Danny had said. He lowered himself on the soft cushions and stretched his legs, then he shivered again.
'Need to get him warm asap,' Danny thought, then he made Steve move a bit forward, sat down behind him and wrapped two blankets around both of their bodies.
"What are you doing?" Steve started to struggle.
"Relax, buddy. I am just trying to get some warmth back into you."
He put his arms around Steve's midriff and held him close to his own body. When Steve wanted to say something, Danny said "Shush, relax. When the tea is cooled down a bit you drink it. Then we'll talk."
Over the next twenty minutes, Steve shivered a few more times, but he finally felt the warmth return to his body and relaxed step by step. When Danny offered him the now drinkable tea, he took the mug and emptied it slowly. Feeling suddenly warm and comfortable he fell asleep.

Steve had shifted a few times during his sleep, burying himself even more into Danny, absorbing the warmth – and Dany let him.
When Steve mumbled "I am sorry Danny" and started to get restless, Danny woke him up. Steve was disoriented.

"What happened?" he asked, frowning and trying to "free" himself.
"Relax," Danny said and pulled him back against his chest. "And nothing happened. You were out in the rain, remember? And…"
The memories came back at once and with it the embarrassment of having failed in keeping himself together and the guilt of having put Danny through another round of worrying and of destroying his career.
"Yeah, I remember," Steve said in a low voice. He wanted to say more, but he didn't trust his voice. Instead, Danny started the conversation.
"You couldn't sleep because you were thinking about returning to the team?"
"Yeah."
"Why did you think about something like this? It's too early for that."
"Dr. Andrews said that too. But I couldn't forget about it."
"Wait. You mean you were thinking about that ever since I told you I would quit if you don't return?"
"Yeah," Steve answered again.
"Why didn't you talk to me?"
"Because I didn't have an answer for you. Then I…I thought I can't return, but…but I couldn't tell you, didn't want to disappoint you. I wanted…needed…to think it over again, to…to get a better result. But it didn't work. I can't Danny, I just can't. I am sorry." He squeezed Danny's hand. "I really wanted it," he added, his voice almost breaking.
Danny squeezed back.
"I am not disappointed. I totally understand you. But I still think it is way too early to think about something like that. You have more important things to deal with right now. But if you really think you can't return, it is no problem. You just shouldn't think about me when you make the decision."
"I had to, because my decision affects your life as much as it does mine. And I know how much the job means to you. I didn't want you to give that up – not because of me anyway. But I can't take anymore Danny. I am sorry. I know you don't want to hear that, but I am sorry."
"Don't be. You know that I am thinking about doing something else ever since I've mentioned the restaurant for the first time."
"But you've said you'd rather die from a bullet than from the stress of managing that restaurant."
"And that is still true – but that doesn't mean there isn't something else out there I can do. I mean I love the job, but I can't do that for the rest of my life either. Your decision is only helping mine."
"Really?" Steve was stunned.
"Yes. Really. And that is why I want you to talk to me. You could've saved yourself a lot of stress."
"Yeah, sor…I will try next time."
"No secrets anymore." It was half a statement half a question.
Steve nodded. "'kay. No secrets. I promise."
"Good…Are you good now?"
Steve wanted to say yes, but he had just promised to have no secrets anymore and lying was even worse for him than having secrets. And he had been lied to enough himself. And he had hated it.
"No," he said instead and truthfully. "I am tired and thirsty and I don't feel good."
"How about I get you some water and you go back to sleep?" Danny asked softly.
"Sounds good."
"And do you think you can manage one of those "hospital drinks"?"
Steve looked skeptical but said "I can try."

He managed only half of the bottle, but drank a bottle of water and another tea.
After he had taken his medication, it didn't take long for him to fall asleep – on the couch. He had felt too groggy to get up and go to the bedroom.
Danny didn't argue. It even played in his favor. Although he knew Steve would be save and sleeping just fine, he wanted to be close to him tonight, needed to put his own mind at ease.
As soon as Steve was out, he fetched his own blanket and pillow and made himself comfortable beside his partner.