Chapter 27

Over the ne two months the friends had acclimatized to their temporary home and had consolidated their daily routine.
Steve had kept his promise and had talked to Danny every time he had particularly straining sessions with Dr. Andrews. On those days Danny stayed close to his napping friend, waking him up before the nightmares could take a real hold of him.
On those days Steve couldn't eat much. Instead, he took his sleeping pill early and although Danny knew it would be a quite night – thanks to the medication – he chose to sleep beside his friend on the day bed to be as close to him as possible to make himself feel comfortable too.

Last month Steve had agreed to a visit from Charlie – finally feeling good and confident enough to know that he would be able to not scare the boy with any of his actions.
Danny's son had visited for one day, but it went so well that he stayed for the following two full weekends as well.
Charlie really liked the house – especially that it had a beach too. They all had fun for a few days – including Eddie – and that added to feeling a bit more at ease and more "normal", not enough for a try with the team though.
Somehow Steve missed them all, but he wasn't ready to face them yet.
Not because he was embarrassed – thankfully, he was passed that – but because he expected them to ask questions, he wasn't ready to answer yet.
"We can tell them that you didn't want to be asked," Danny suggested.
"No, I don't want that either. I don't want them to worry about saying anything wrong. I want them to feel comfortable when they are here."
"I just thought you would like to see them, because you've said you missed them a few days ago. And since everything went well with Charlie…"
"I know I've said that. But I can't do that - not yet."
"No problem. Don't stress yourself about that. They are all understanding and know that you need your time."
"And Charlie is different anyway. Just like Grace. They can come visit any time they want."
"Glad you are saying that.
Grace wants to visit next weekend. Maybe even a bit longer. She wasn't sure. She has a lot of plans."
"Great!"
"You sure?"
"Yes, Danny, I am. Both your kids are great and you know I love them.
And even if I get some problems, I think she can handle that. She understands everything. I was just reluctant with Charlie I didn't want to scare him or anything."
"You didn't."
"Thankfully…but I still have to be careful until this whole thing is over. Scaring Charlie is the last thing I want to do."
"I know. But I hope that thought isn't constantly on your mind when he is here." It wasn't exactly a question but Steve answered anyway.
"No, it is not. I mean it is there, but not constantly. Probably thanks to our activities."
"You liked that a lot, did you?"
"Yeah. He has so much energy. It is great to watch him, be part of this…have him here. Like I said, you have great kids."
'Hope you have some too one day. You'd make a great dad,' Danny thought but said "Yes, I have."
He smiled and continued "and they both love you. They are happy when they are around you. I like that."

But there were another five days till weekend and those days showed that "the whole thing" was far from over.

It was a more or less harmless session with Dr. Andrews. They had talked about random things, SEAL training and what they got prepared for when the psychologist made an innocent remark – something he had seen on a documentary a few years back - about captured special forces and their experiences, nothing you would see on TV but for advanced psychological training.
Steve's eyes widened.
"What? How…how do you know about that?"
He paled, his breathing quickened, his fingers gripped the arm rest – tight – sweat was beading on his forehead, but soon covering his whole body which also started to tremble.
Dr. Andrews immediately noticed that he had triggered something. He could imagine what, but his priority was to calm his patient, not if he was right or not.
It worked – to some extent, but it got even worse than before when Steve told his psychologist what had happened. The report came faltering, interrupted by crying and deep breaths while trying to compose himself. Usually, the psychologist had made a few breaks, but Steve had wanted to get it out. Now that it was back in his memories, he needed to tell someone. The doctor realized how important this was to his patient and cancelled his next two appointments.
Steve felt like he was reliving everything. In the end he was again trembling, sweating profusely and breathing heavily. They started the same calming pattern as before.
After Steve was at least able to communicate coherent again, Dr. Andrews helped him into the relaxation room next to his office. The SEAL lay down, but was still too discomposed to relax completely.
Dr. Andrews had to inject a slight sedative. Steve fell asleep soon after.
When he woke up about two hours later, he was still upset and didn't want to do any of his remaining courses and asked for Danny to be called to pick him up.
It wasn't the usual procedure, but in the end the psychologist approved.
Over the past few months, he had learned a lot about his patient and the blonde detective, how close they were, what they could and would do for the other and especially what kind of effect Danny had on Steve.

Danny knew something had happened the second he saw the caller ID on his cell. His face must have spoken volumes, because the team which was gathered around the smart table went silent when Danny took the call. He was so shocked that he didn't even bother to go to his office to take it.
He ended the call, said "I need to go" and left HQ without any other word.

Seeing the haunted look in Steve's eyes, Danny could tell that his friend was still agitated.
"What happened?" he asked when they were in the car.
"Can't tell you." Steve answered.
"Steve, I know…" Danny started.
"No, you don't! And it is okay. And I know I had promised to tell you everything…and…and I will. But not now…not now, okay?" Steve said pleadingly.
"Okay," Danny said softly. He had a look sideways and noticing that Steve's hands were trembling he pulled the car over, put his right hand on Steve's left and said "Hey, it is going to be okay, babe."
"No, it won't," Steve answered in a low but still breaking voice and looked away.
Danny felt for his friend and squeezed his hand.
"Let's drive home."
The rest of the way was spent in silence. Danny had one or the other glance at the SEAL during their drive, but the latter just stared out of the side window.
Unfortunately, Steve had really just stared. He hadn't seen or noticed anything. When they had arrived at the house, Danny had addressed his friend a few times, but when he didn't get a reaction, he touched his hand.
As soon as the contact was made, Steve jerked and pulled his hand away.
Noticing where he was, he said "Sorry Danny."
"It's okay. Come one. Let's go inside."
Both friends exited the car and entered the house.
"Can…can I have some water?" Steve asked.
Danny fetched it and passed the open bottle to the SEAL. The latter took a few sips, closed his eyes and took another few sips before he downed the rest of the water. Then he looked at Danny.
"Do…do you really want to know?" he asked hoping for a "no" but knowing better.
And "no" was exactly what Danny wanted to answer, but he said "yes", because he needed to know.
Steve sighed.
"I need a shower and if you promise me to give me my sleeping pill, I am going to tell you."
"It's still early, Steve." Danny reminded him.
"I know that!" he burst out, then a little softer "I…I know that. But I need to sleep after that."
"Have your shower. I'll get the meds." Danny answered softly.

When Steve hadn't returned twenty minutes later, Danny knocked on the bathroom door. He could still hear the water running.
"Hey Babe! You good?" he asked with concern.
"Yeah. Just give me a few more minutes."
Steve turned the water off and five minutes later he entered the living room with a T-shirt and shorts on, the hair still wet from the shower.
He looked Danny straight in the eye before he asked "You sure?"
He could see the doubt in his friend's eyes, but he also heard the answer "yes".
Knowing that there was nothing he could do to change Danny's mind, he lowered his head and said "I need some more water."

After Steve had emptied half the bottle he asked "I still get the pill when I am done, right?"
I've promised you that."
"And can…can you stay with me while I sleep? And…and tonight – like you do the other nights after a bad day?" It almost sounded like begging.
"You…you know about that?" Danny was taken by surprise.
"Yes, Danno. I know about that." Steve confirmed.
"How?" Danny still couldn't grasp the fact. It was a deep and medically induced sleep after all.
"I don't know how. I just know that I can sense if you are near me or not. And I know why you are doing it. And that is why I want you to promise me you will be doing it tonight. You will need that."
Danny swallowed hard. Steve was in psychological treatment. But how many traumas had been necessary for that? How much had he endured until he had finally reached his limit? And if something was putting him down likes this it must have been horrible for sure. Still, he insisted on being close to each other tonight – not for his own but for Danny's sake. That said a lot about the friendship they had – knowing what the other one needs, still thinking about the other one's well-being in the worst moments, trusting each other enough to tell them their worst nightmares and accepting to destroy a piece of themselves to understand what the other is going through.
What Steve just had asked him to do was another reason for Danny to not wanting to know, but he still needed to. He wanted to feel what Steve felt and he wanted to understand what had let to all this. It scared him to death, but he just couldn't help it.
"I promise," he said.