I do NOT own anything, but the plot.

Thank you for reading and reviewing!

This story is fully written… so there's a lot to come!

Nalo a loaʻa

-loosely translate to "lost and found"-

CHAPTER TEN

Walking into the office the following day, Danny Williams had one purpose in mind. It involved the team and the governor, and he wasn't leaving until he had every answer handed to him. If need be, Danny had already decided to use some of Steve's unorthodox ways to get answers.

Now, sat with his feet on the computer table, Danny read over the file on the tablet Chin had given him the moment he had walked in. He concentrated on every vowel and consonant written, committed it to memory and carried on reading.

Chin, being the most faithful one of the group, hadn't read any further than making sure the case number aligned with what they needed and was pleased when Danny arrived so he could rid it of his possession.

Ever since, they'd all stood around in relative silence and let the New Jersey cop read his way through the file.

"Shit," Danny muttered, scrolling further down the document.

"Want to share with the class, Jersey?" Jerry asked, his impatience showing as he crossed his arms over his broad chest. "You're keeping us all in suspense."

Glancing up, Danny's face told a million things and not one was good.

"Steve was medically discharged from the navy literally two weeks after we buried him." Danny skimmed the report in front of him before pausing to look over at Denning. "And you knew?"

"I'm sorry," the governor rebuked. "It was all very time sensitive, but that explosion gave the perfect grounds to keep McGarrett safe and eliminate any threat that hung over you." His tone was smooth like velvet, but Danny wouldn't be the detective he was if he didn't take notice of Denning's body language and the look that passed his eyes. "But it also created a laundry list of injuries that McGarrett couldn't walk away from."

"So, he was hurt?"

Kono's question ate at Danny instantly, and he closed his eyes to shake away the memory of Steve's badly scarred body. He hadn't shed light on what had happened at McGarrett's home, but he had told them things had to change and soon. Now, he was more than prepared to divulge everything if it stopped his best friend from sinking further.

"Yes, none of what you saw was faked," Denning's affirmed. "We moved him to a private hospital a few days after he was pronounced dead for his own safety. He remained there and recuperated until he was well enough to go to a safe house on the island. We kept him heavily guarded during this time, but due to his injuries, he was quite well medicated and fairly incapacitated."

Danny gulped at the details; images of Steve's damaged body flashed in his mind.

"How long did that take exactly?"

"For us to move to him to the safe house?" Denning's asked and received a nonverbal nod. "Almost thirteen weeks ... his injuries were a lot more catastrophic than anyone had bargained for."

"What does that even mean? We knew it was bad when he was caught in an explosion, but how bad are we talking?" Lou asked, feeling himself pushed the edge.

"Shattered his thigh bone and hip bone, fractured his coccyx. First, second and third degree burns to the left side of body... grade two concussion, broken wrist, three broken ribs, a punctured lung, pulmonary contusions, damage to kidney and spleen, and a multitude of cuts and bruises to really finish it off. Oh, and infections." Danny stopped and let his eyes drift over the tablet so he could look at the Governor. "A real laundry list of injuries."

He echoed the governor's words as if to add more confirmation to the fact that Steve had kept a lot more secret than anything else.

"His recovery isn't even over yet, but he wanted to come back home and I wanted him to come back to work. I realise now I should have allowed him a grace period to come back. He was worried about how you would be knowing the last few months of your lives were lie, but I wanted Five-0 back to its original state. When McGarrett accepted, I thought it was because he was just happy to put it all behind him."

The uneasy feeling only multiplied between them at hearing this.

Chin cleared his throat, "What do you mean that his recovery isn't over? He's been fine on the job…"

"He's been having continual therapy for his hip." Denning sounded so blunt over the fact, but the perplexity was real. "His therapist cleared him for duty but wanted to keep on top of the injury. I assumed he would've discussed how problematic his hip can be, but how he would still be able to do his job … most likely it'll be a recurring problem like your ACL injury, Detective Williams. Nothing that should stop you doing your job fully but might act up from time to time."

Danny gulped, chancing a glance at Chin who was also looking forlorn over the idea of Steve being in the back of the Camaro with an injury he had chosen to keep secret. Self-sacrificing bastard, Danny scolded mentally, but hated the fact that Steve had taken any punishment in any form since coming back.

"McGarrett didn't want any of you know to how bad it got for him which was why I could only give you so many details. I assumed it was because he wanted to tell you himself." Denning looked amongst the member of Five-0 and couldn't resist a sigh. "I'm guessing he's told you nothing of what he's been dealing with the last few months?"

"No," Lou spoke up, noticing how the others were reacting. "He's not really had an easy homecoming to deal with."

If Lou had to say anything, it was that he was disappointed in the team. Regardless of their emotions, they should've seen that Steve did not look like the man that saved them that day at the warehouse, nor was he their ferocious leader.

"So, you've had no idea of the time he spent in ICU, or bed bound or rehabbing from his injuries? Of the surgeries he's had?" Denning asked.

"Nope," Danny said, putting the tablet onto his lap. "Nor do we know about him being medically discharged from the navy." Danny wasn't even trying to hide the derision. He felt like a right schmuck. "Please, at the very least, tell me he was honourably discharged?"

Danny knew, without a shadow or a doubt, that if Steve was dishonourably discharged after years of successful missions and achievements, the former SEAL would never recover. He would have felt like a failure to his father and grandfather if he lost his ranking any other way.

"He was ... he maintains his rank, has all of the perks and a great standing... but his physical well-being is compromised from that warehouse raid and his mental state came under fire. Given all of that and his age, the navy decided to grant him early retirement this way."

"Given his age?" Danny asked, his tone vicious. "He's not even forty, for Christ Sake. We've all seen him work, he's one of the best at what he does."

"Wait, his physical well-being is compromised?" Kono asked, confusion hitting her hard. "What does that mean? Because he seems fine, and you just said he was cleared for duty."

"Isn't he always?" Danny asked, the words coming out in a scoff. "He's always fine, even when he's bleeding all over me."

"Granted that the commander does overcome injuries like no one else I've met-"

"Damn straight," Lou remarked, remembering his first case with McGarrett well.

"His injuries required a lot of work to correct and even more rehab and he's still under the care of the hospital."

"So, if that's the case, why is he back at work?" Kono asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Have you met the man we're talking about?"

Denning's remembered meeting McGarrett in the wake of Governor Jameson's death. He wanted Steve McGarrett's head on a platter and he would've torn all of Hawaii apart to find the fallen Navy SEAL. However, that soon transpired to admiration for the man who thought for justice and then went on to do the same for the people of Hawaii.

"As I said, he didn't want you to know... he agreed he just wanted to get back to work with his team. After five months, he wanted to come home. I thought pushing for this quickly would help."

Setting the tablet down and dropping his feet, Danny ignored the creaking of his chair to look Denning in the eyes. The two of them had never really gotten along, but then who did Danny truly get along with?

"If there's more … I want to know."

He wasn't offering the governor a chance to answer or not, Danny expected full disclosure. Steve's life may have been ripped away from him, but Steve had been ripped away from them and for that, Danny and the team had a lot of ground to cover.

"We told him first he couldn't go home." Denning didn't show an inch of emotion, but there was a glint to his eyes, a nearly missed flash of regret that Danny was glad he hadn't blinked for. "At first it was easy for him to accept. The doctors wouldn't allow him any chance to refuse drugs, he was just too injured for any say, but his health declined rapidly after that, so we held off telling him about his discharge from the navy."

"And how did he take that?" Lou asked, knowing just how well a proud man would take having his livelihood ripped away from him.

"He was angry. By the time we got to tell him anything, he was very much fighting the doctors to let him out. He wanted to check out AMA, find Franklin himself, but we used his injuries against him. His emotional state at this point was questionable. He was suffering intense flashbacks and nightmares." The governor looked directly at Danny. "He already knew you would hate him most; it was a motivator for him. He begged us to let him go home, to get his team to help find Franklin, to make amends, but when we told him about his position in the navy, he shut down."

Shut down. Danny's head swam with seeing the look in Steve's eyes last night. He had lost something - that spark that made him McGarrett was gone. There wasn't even an ember left.

"Did he say anything about us?" Kono asks, stepping forward, unable to keep her hope aside. "You said he was angry."

"He still is," Danny rebuked can dryly.

"He did ask after you all at first but as time went by and more details came out and we were unable to find Franklin, he gave up asking. It was like he knew he was passed the point of no return. We tried to seek psychiatric help for him, but he wasn't very forthcoming."

"Still not," Steve called out from behind them. "Give me five and I'll be out of here."

Steve disappeared into his office before anyone could argue with him and even Denning was shocked to see Steve appear in the office so early. Everyone glanced between themselves, but as Lou began to move, Danny stood up.

"I've got this, big guy," he said, stopping Lou.

"You sure about that, Jersey?" Lou asked, his tone clipped.

"Yeah, about time I stepped the hell up," he replied with an honest grimace. "Leave it with me … thank you for your time, Governor Denning. I think we can handle it from here."

"Sure?" he asked, cocking a brow. "He's already contacted my office this morning, so I'm guessing anything he's decided he wants to make happen is set in motion. If you need any other assistance or want to see more of the case notes, just contact my secretary and I'll put you in contact with all of the relevant people."

"Thanks," Danny answered, and rolled his shoulders before heading to Steve's office in the corner.

Observing on approach, Danny could see that Steve was collecting different items from around the space that glorified his time in the navy and his heritage. Not bothering to knock, Danny entered the office with one mission in mind – stop Steve from doing what they all knew he was.

"Hey Steve," Danny said, advancing towards him. "What are you doing, Babe?"

Steve blanched at the nickname but didn't deter from what he was doing.

"Sorting out an issue."

The words were ice even against the aircon circulating and Danny watched as Steve placed a few measly items into a cardboard box, one identical to those found in storage.

"I'm taking what I need," Steve continued without even looking up. "Everything else can go in the trash. I don't want it."

His hand lingered by a photo on his desk, one of him with the team and Danny's kids. Instead of adding it to the pile, he tipped it forward, laying it flat as if that would rid the memory of that day with it.

"Steve, what about your medals?" Danny asked, ignoring what he had just seen.

"I don't need them. Don't actually want them." Steve offered a shrug as he rounded the desk. "I know I said some things last night and I can only guess that's why Denning is here this morning…"

"We're worried about you," Danny commented, but watched as Steve laughed and started to rummage through the drawers on his desk. "And we deserve answers."

"Now you want answers?" Steve asked, scratching his head as he laughed mirthlessly. "That's just great."

"We were wrong to cut you off," Danny began, his tone softening.

"It doesn't matter, Danny." Steve's eyes flickered between the box and Danny. "I've started the process to hand Five-0 over to you. Can see now why the governor is yet to return my call," Steve spoke with bitterness, the tendrils leaving their mark in his mouth. "You can have my office, too, when I'm done here."

Slamming his hands down, Danny enjoyed the fact that Steve jumped and finally looked at him. He could see the self-destruction Steve was committing himself to, and he hated that someone he loved like family, was going through this. He hated even more that he had a hand in pushing him to this limit.

"Will you stop? You're being a son-of-a-bitch, right now," Danny accused, his tone tightening as his anger boiled.

"I'm being a son-of-a-bitch?" Steve asked, furrowing his brow in accusation. "I'm not the one who…" Steve stopped himself, telling himself mentally to pull back, to calm down, to not lash out. "I've lost a lot of men along the way ... a lot of family ... but they pale in comparison to you guys." With a heavy sigh, Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. "If doing the right thing by you all is leaving then that's what I'll do."

Danny saw it now – clearer than day. His best friend, his partner, the one person who's back he was meant to have in all situations was left treading water alone. Steve was in a self-perpetuating cycle, caused by months of mild interaction with complete strangers and no break in the torture of knowing his family, his Ohana, was out there alone dealing with grief brought on by his untimely demise. The amount of time Steve had to deliberate every possible outcome was unfathomable, but Danny could see his partner was tortured beyond belief.

"Look," Danny started, hands settling on the cardboard box. "Am I mad you died and came back to life? Hell yes, I am," Danny bit back, his ire pouring from him. "Do I blame you? No, Steven, I don't. I know what sort of hand you had to play in this, but you have to let us readjust."

"Readjust?" Steve echoed, but wasn't that what Steve was doing, too? He sure felt like he was readjusting. "Right?"

"Right," Danny affirmed, awkwardly looking around the office. "We didn't dare touch your office because not one of us could bring ourselves to come in here, so why don't you leave it a little while longer?"

With that notion, Danny added purchase to his words by reaching into the box and started to empty what measly items Steve had claimed worth to take home - a pen that Danny was sure Steve could use as a weapon, a paperweight with nearly no significance to anyone, and of course, the few weapons Steve kept in his private arsenal.

"No one wants me here," Steve murmured, staring down at the overturned photo. "I thought I'd just cut my losses and go, you've all done a good job ... a fantastic job actually, while I've been gone."

That wasn't even a lie, Steve had taken the time to look into the backlog of cases the team had solved in his absence, and he was impressed at their sheer competence. He knew he picked the right team, he just always assumed he was a necessary part of it.

"Didn't mean it was easy." Danny's hand came to Steve's shoulder. "Babe, we had to adapt to life without you and that life meant throwing ourselves into work. So yeah, we solved cases, but we were slower without you."

Steve didn't buy that.

"As I said, Danny, you did a fantastic job," Steve replied, his voice strained. "So, I have complete faith you'll do an astounding job leading this team forward."

Danny felt like every ounce of air was forced from his lungs, taken from him and hung before him. Was Steve really just giving it all up and so quickly? The fact that his best friend had lost his fight was a warning cry to Danny.

"You can't just Jack this all in now." Danny watched Steve remain silent, fingers touching objects but refusing to pick anything. "You really think we don't want you here?"

There was a moment of silence between them. A pause so full of emotions that neither moved.

"You were right, Danny, when you said about my mom. Her coming back was the best and worst moment of my life. I never expected her to be behind that fucking door when Joe left me at that house in Suruga." Gulping harshly, Steve shook his head just as tears blurred his vision. "I should've known the effect I would have on you based on Doris. The mistrust I have for her now … I live with that daily. I should've known that is how you would feel, and it should've been the one thing that stopped me even thinking of coming home."

"Steve…" Danny tried.

"When they debriefed me on the plan, I knew, I just knew, the fallout, but this..." Steve looked at his best friend with watering eyes. "This is so much worse than anything I could imagine."

"Hey," Kono announced, pushing the glass door of Steve's office open.

Although her eyes dragged over the almost empty cardboard box, Kono didn't look at all moved by what it meant. She has perfected the small marble hardness to guard her emotions that Steve possessed.

"We're going to check a lead that just came in," Kono proceeded, her eyes unwilling to look in Steve's direction. "We'll wait for you."

Steve felt a bit of hope flare in his chest but realised as she started to leave that she never looked at him but kept her attention solely on Danny. The ember of hope quickly extinguished; Steve realised that the cruel reality he had come back to was not something he was equipped to deal with.

In the beginning he would've survived this – losing everyone. After six years of finally having a family that would go to the ends of the earth for each other, he realised he wouldn't survive this if he hung around. Steve realised he had inflicted the greatest pain on them.

Everything had changed in the last few months, and he didn't have a say in any of it.

"Like I said, you've all done a fantastic job," Steve started, rolling his shoulders to keep his emotions locked down. "The sooner I make it permanent that the team continues how it is, the better for everyone."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Danny started, stunned by Steve's sudden outburst. "You actually are thinking of quitting?"

In all honesty, it was the last thing Steve wanted. He wanted life to go back five months. He wanted his team, his Ohana to look him in the eye, and while Steve McGarrett may be made of iron in the face of everyone he met, he'd lost his way and with it his identity.

"It was a given, wasn't it?" he asked, swallowing harshly against the lump in his throat. "I've been here over two weeks and you're the only one besides Lou, who grants me time, and even then, that's not like it used to be."

Moving to place space between them, Steve started to pace in the gap behind his desk, his strides brisk and quick, but he felt like the air supply was thinning and his grief was one inhale away from choking him.

"There's no trust in the team when I'm a part of it anymore." Steve slowed enough to look at Danny. "I can't risk your lives like that... not after Franklin's threats. I won't risk them like that. I need you to trust me to keep you safe out there and-"

"You honestly believe we would be in danger in the field with you?"

"I don't want to find out." That admittance broke the SEAL more than he would ever admit. "If you'll excuse me, Detective Williams."

Steve left the office, abandoning every single belonging he had.