I do NOT own anything, but the plot.
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As always, thank you and I hope you continue to enjoy what's to come!
Nalo a loaʻa
-loosely translate to "lost and found"-
CHAPTER THIRTY
"Hey Uncle Steve," Grace said approaching the bed. "Danno said you aren't feeling great."
She'd watched him from the doorway for a few minutes, but instantly the frown between her eyes grew because something was wrong – more so than her father had told her. She always knew her uncle was infamous at covering up his real mood with one expression, but Grace had come to know ways to see through the masks he wore.
"Hey Gracie," Steve replied, forcing a smile onto his lips. "Feel better now you're here." He gazed at her then over her shoulder to the door and frowned. "Where's your brother?"
"He's with Danno. I ran ahead," she admitted, grinning at him. "You look better even if you don't feel it."
"Thanks, Sweetheart, I guess all I needed was a few days rest."
"Danno said you got a lot of those ahead of you and we're going to be looking after you. Even mom approved it," Grace admitted, getting the chair her father had claimed in her absences and pulled it closer. "You can have pancakes on tap," Grace mused quite happy at the idea. "Also, your secret's out about Charlie's pancakes."
"So, I heard," Steve murmured, feigning annoyance. "Going to have to teach that little guy about loyalty. That was strictly classified information."
He listened to her giggle, but he picked up there was a waver in the middle, the delightful sound cracking a little.
"Gracie?" Steve asked.
Noticing the way Grace was pursing her lips. He pushed himself up a little, not knowing how long he had until Danny got here, but he wanted to make sure nothing was upsetting his niece.
"What's up, Sweetheart?"
"Did I do something wrong calling Catherine? Danno asked me why I did it, but I was trying to help, so did I do something wrong?" she suddenly asked, wringing her hands. "If I did, I'm sorry. I just wanted to help. After what you said the other day … I just thought I could help."
"Don't apologise, you did the right thing. I needed to see her."
"So, you made up?" Grace asked, her eyes lighting up for a moment before they dulled at her uncle's silence. "You didn't?"
"No, kiddo, we didn't, but thank you for calling her," he murmured softly. "She won't be around anymore."
The thought was a bitter pill for Steve to swallow, but he did anyway because this was his penance.
"Did something happen?"
"Nothing you don't already know," he lied and flexed his back, trying to alleviate some pain. "It's nothing for you to worry about, Grace-Face."
"Well, when you look like that, I do worry," Grace replied, giving him a questioning look. "Y'know, Danno said you're a really bad liar and he's right."
"Danno runs his mouth a lot for such a short guy," Steve muttered, making Grace laugh. "You got me some closure, Gracie. By calling Cath, you got me some answers and the opportunity to see we're over."
"You're over?" Grace gasped, the horror igniting the brown hues of her eyes. "But you're end game."
"End game?" Steve queried, questioning her term.
"Yeah! Together forever," Grace informed her uncle. "I always thought you two would get married, have a bunch of kids … you'd make a great dad, Uncle Steve. They'd be lucky to have you. God, the sandcastles you'd make with them!"
Watching the fantasy life flash before him narrated by Grace made Steve's heart pick up pace. Each beat pressed again his rib cage, forcing uncomfortable pressure before his heart shrunk to what felt like over half its size.
"Sorry to say it, Kid, but I'm sticking with the uncle title."
Steve was a master at disguise. Having lived in war-torn countries, running from the enemy, dodging death at every turn, Steve had learned how to shield himself from anyone noticing his emotional turmoil, but there was something in the way Grace looked at him that mirrored Danny so identically, and Steve knew his skills at clamping down on his emotional welfare were over.
"Why do you seem sadder today, though, Uncle Steve?"
"Do I?"
"Yeah … even when I was mad with you, I knew something wasn't right with you. I was just too busy being angry to ask, but I'm not now, and I just want you to know that I know you talk to Danno a lot, but you can talk to me, too."
"Grace, you don't need to worry about me," Steve remarked, he was not about to burden a teenager.
"But someone has to," Grace admitted, her brown eyes glancing his way so dolefully.
It was only days ago, Grace realised how lonely Steve was in this world and it broke her heart every time she thought about it. Her Uncle Steve always made sure everyone was looked after, had everything they needed, and were safe, but she realised very few people extended the same thought to him.
"I was thinking about the last few months, and while I was sad about you being dead, I had Danno and Charlie who looked after me and we had each other, but who did you have, Uncle Steve?"
"I was a bit occupied to worry about that," he fibbed.
"You're lying again," she replied, frowning at the injured man with a look her father would be proud of. "When are you going to realise you're bad at it?"
Steve laughed and enjoyed the momentarily lapse of real joy that pierced the mounting depression he could feel growing.
"Look, telling you who I did and didn't have back then is worthless. I have you now, and although I grumble about him a lot, I appreciate your dad sticking around for me … even when I've felt like I don't deserve it." He put his hand out for Grace to take, gripping her tiny hand in his. "I thought Cath and I were end game, too," Steve admitted, quickly rolling his eyes to abate the tears. "Sometimes, the things we want most don't happen the way we thought."
"How do you know you're not end game?" Grace asked, her innocence a beacon of hope Steve wanted to refuse. "She might be like I was … mad at you."
"No, Gracie, she's cut all ties," Steve whispered, the lump forming in his throat threatening to suffocate him. "What we had … it's over and it's about time I took stock in what I have and not what I lost."
"But you're really sad over it," she pointed out.
"Course, I am … what me and Cath had … what we had was built on years of feelings and passing moments, but we just weren't meant to be. There's no need to worry, it's going to be okay, so how about we change the subject, eh?"
"Okay," she whispered, nodding her with uncertain approval. "Mom took us to Side Street to get your favourites," she said, forcing the direction of the conversation. "Thought we could share some garlic fries like we used to."
"That's really nice of her, but I'm not really hungry."
Between his reoccurring nausea and the utter despair eating away at him, Steve was just about able to keep liquid down. The idea of food made his stomach clenched painfully.
"Don't listen to him, Monkey, he's eating," Danny announced walking into the room with Charlie on one hip and a bag of food in the other hand. "The food here is practically crawling off the plates."
"Do I need to ban you, Detective Williams?" Sarah asked coming into the room. "Didn't think our hospitality was that bad."
"Have you tried eating it?" Danny questioned, grinning innocently. "Plus, he usually lives off tree bark and the salt of the earth."
"Danno!" Charlie yelled, laughing. "Uncle Steve eats a lot more than that!"
"Have you seen him in the wild, Charlie?!" Danny asked his son. "He'd catch a bear and eat it singlehandedly if he had to." Danny gave his partner the side eye as Charlie grinned. "Actually, in his current state, we'll go for a squirrel."
"I think in his current state even the squirrel stands a good chance," Sarah mentioned, checking the monitors over.
"He is still here," Steve grumbled.
"We're only yanking your chain, Commander," Sarah replied, a calm tone to match the playful wink she gave him. "How are you feeling, Steve?"
He'd already learned rolling his eyes with a concussion was a recipe for disaster, so he refrained from the one thing he really wanted to do and shrugged.
"You took a mighty long nap earlier," Sarah commented, sounding quite pleased with herself for it. "I'm actually thankful you asked for drugs. I hate when you tough guys come into my care and then try to do it alone."
"Don't like drugs," Steve admitted exasperatedly. "They make my head feel full of wool … bit like I am now."
"You've got that concussion going against you, too," Sarah told him, giving him a weak sympathetic smile. "I'll talk to the doctor and get him to come and check you over later. For now, relax, eat and enjoy time with your family."
Danny rustled the bag as if to create a mutiny with the nurse, and Steve had to admit he might be a little bit hungry.
Later, Steve watched his best friend and couldn't control the burning jealousy inside of him. Never had he been envious of Danny for Grace or Charlie, having always been a firm figure in the family unit, but now, they were a reminder.
Diverting his eyes away from the father and his two children, Steve looked out of the window, trying to take in the view of Hawaii, but it just served another reminder that he was stuck in a hospital bed all over again.
Hearing Charlie recount his school day to his father and sister, made Steve feel like an onlooker onto a personal moment he shouldn't be privy to. Isolated in that moment, Steve tried to shift attention away from the gnawing feeling he had and focus on anything but the pit that ebbed in him.
Danny was laughing at Charlie for his retelling of his day but took a moment to check on Steve who had gone quiet on them.
What he saw broke his heart and he realised the kids - while a good distraction - only served that purpose for so long before Steve saw fatherhood first-hand.
"Hey Grace, fancy taking Charlie to get something out of the vending machine?" Danny asked, hopeful his daughter would be her normal astute self. "I just need a minute or two with your Uncle Steve and we didn't get anything for dessert."
Grace looked to Steve who wasn't paying attention, but she caught sight of how heavily his eyes were watering and frowned.
"We'll go to the canteen and see if we can get some ice cream," Grace commented, pressing her lips into a smile to hide her concern.
"Sounds good, Monkey."
Danny handed over some money and mouthed a thank you to his teen daughter, the gratitude he felt for her maturity is something he'd thank the heavens for. Watching carefully, he waited for Grace and Charlie to disappear before turning his attention to his best friend.
"Steve," Danny started, not yet moving from his seats, but wanted his best friend's attention. "I'm sorry, I should have thought about the kids."
"No," Steve bit back, a little more aggressive than he had intended. "Don't apologise. I love them both."
"I know you do, I'm not disputing that fact, but after what happened today, you didn't need that reminder."
"They're always going to be a reminder," Steve replied, sadly. "I have to live with that fact."
"I want to say it'll get easier, but I'm not sure how this can … but know I'm here … regardless … and I don't plan to go anywhere. I know you'll get angry. No, you'll get angrier than you are, and I'll allow it, but I'm not leaving."
"Thanks, Danno," Steve managed to say and sighed. "I keep going over what happened, and I can't seem to make sense of it fully because when I do my head starts to hurt."
"Sorry, Babe, you're going to have to be a little more vocal about the things you keep silent on. Use me to help you make sense, okay?"
"Okay ... I just wished this concussion would fuck off," Steve said, again rubbing his brow. "I can't rationalise a damn thing long enough."
"Hate to break it to you, but you couldn't rationalise before your head met the wheel arch of a car," Danny muttered, sarcastically pitying him. "If you want the kids to leave, I can call Rachel."
"Why don't you take them home, Danny?" Steve asked, frowning. "You've barely left this room since I was admitted. It can't be that much fun."
"After the fight he put up to get in here, I'd be sorely disappointed to find you alone, Commander," doctor Keoni stated from the doorway. "Thought I'd check in before I started my rounds, but heard dessert was on the menu."
"Is it?" Steve asked cluelessly.
Instant concern graced the doctor's face, Danny noticing it quickly intervened.
"Don't worry, Doc, that isn't the concussion talking, only the selective hearing he gets." Danny's defence was matched with a cheeky grin. "I'll vouch for him on that one, but that concussion is a real doozy."
"It was a good crack to the head," the doctor jested. "I'm just going to go look over your chart to see if we can remove the foley, but I'll also come back and see if we need to upgrade the concussion."
"You're joking?" Steve grunted, sighing heavily. "I've had concussions before."
"You may well have, Commander, but your body is exhausted from extreme blood loss and renal difficulty and whatever you hit your head on was solid enough to do damage. Plus, we've kept you pretty immobile. Cut yourself some slack."
Danny snorted. "Sorry, no disrespect, Doc, but that will be the day."
Steve stared at Danny, wondering why the hell Danny chose now to beat on his ass. In a way, he was grateful, the distraction it offered was fantastic, if not short lived.
"Again, how did you get around the clock access to my hospital room?"
"The governor," both Danny and the good doctor said at once.
"Great, usurped by the big guy," Steve growled and couldn't resist the eye roll, but quickly regretted it as his stomach revolted and he closed his eyes against the rising nausea.
"Not clever now, was it?" Danny said, shoving one of the big bowls into Steve's hand in case he decided to puke. "I don't want to see your chicken wings again."
The doctor stepped into the room, quickly checking Steve over, taking a reading of his blood pressure and checking the monitors.
"Your blood pressure is a little up, so that won't be helping. Can I trust you to calm down a bit while I go and read over your chart and talk to the nurses to get caught up?"
"I'll make sure he's calm," Danny accepted the challenge.
"Might want to sedate me, Doc. He stresses me out on a daily basis," Steve muttered cocking a brow at Danny.
"Behave … both of you," the doctor said, placing the blood pressure cuff back into the hanger on the machine. "I'll be back, and we'll get you comfortable."
"I stress you out?" Danny asked the very moment the doctor left the room, cocking a brow and leaning in. "Let me tell me you something, McGarrett, you stress me out."
"So, we're equal then?" Steve rationalised, his lip tugging upwards ever so slightly. "Why did you argue to get in here?"
Danny diverted his eye contact quickly.
"Danny…"
"It's stupid."
"I bet it's not," Steve argued.
Really, after everything that had happened over the years, he wouldn't be shocked by anything anymore.
"Look … I lost you once, I wasn't going to do that again." He shifted a little on his feet, angsty and angry all at once. "The last time you went through those doors downstairs, you never came out."
There was a lapse of silence, a pregnant pause so full of buzzing energy it was painful.
"Shit," Steve sighed. "This is what I didn't want to happen."
"Yeah, well, it did, Babe, so roll with the punches," Danny remarked almost too sarcastically. "You don't know how sorry I am I didn't get a chance to help you with your last recovery."
Steve huffed on a mirthless laugh.
"Believe me, you'd have kicked my ass," Steve joked, giving him a small smirk. "I'm not proud of some of my behaviour."
"How many times did you toy with an escape plan?"
"Toy?" Steve quizzed, cutting Danny a scathing expression. "Have you met me?"
"Of course, I have … so how did you not fake your own death to get away from not faking your own death?"
"Franklin used Gracie and Charlie."
"Yeah, about that…"
"I'm so sorry, Danny, I had no idea until they found evidence," Steve quickly said, his body tensing in a way Doctor Keoni would not appreciate. "I begged Denning to notify you. I said you had a right to catch this bastard if he was gunning for your own."
"He was gunning for my own before my kids were targeted, Steven," Danny mused, not too impressed.
"I didn't matter by that point. I was out of the equation." Steve was firm on that belief, but what he said next rocked Danny. "And all I kept thinking about was my stupid navy career and how losing it was a semi-decent punishment for the kids lives being put on the line."
Danny never wanted Steve to justify losing his entire life's work as a means for punishment.
"You did not deserve to lose that…" Danny argued.
"It just felt like a small price to pay all things considered … made me wonder what the point of my navy career actually as."
"You do realise that without your navy career, we never would have met, because you never would have been in a position to take on this task force." Danny gave the smallest of smiles, one threatening to grow. "And as much as I bitch about you and most days just generally want to punch you in the face, I'm lost without you, Babe. And for what it's worth, you're still you with or without your navy career … you'll see."