Title: The Road Not Taken

Rated: M

Fandom: My Hero Academia | Boku no Hero Academia

Summary: There was a time when they had been happy, but that time was vanishing in the course of history. Rei and Enji's marriage, from Rei's PoV

Pairing: Todoroki Rei x Todoroki Enji (Endeavor)

Disclaimer: I do not own My Hero Academia

Notes: Yes, I know some of you are really hard in fuck Endeavor club but guy's trying so hard to face his past and his mistakes… which is a really brave thing to do. Meanwhile, here's an angst written from Rei's point of view, inspired by chapter 301 - 302 of the manga, because I love her. Happy reading!

Himura Rei had only ever known sorrowful love, lonely love. She had no idea of a healthy love. That's why she wasn't bothered with the idea of marriage of convenience. When that man approached her parents to ask for her hands in marriage, she knew she wouldn't have a choice.

Of course we have heard about you, her father said. It was an honor that you would choose our daughter to be your future partner.

There was a time when her family name was considered a prestigious bloodline, but that was a distant thing in the past. Now they were just an ordinary family, but her parents were still stuck in the mindset of returning to their past glory. Of course, the burden fell on her as the first daughter. She was pretty, and her parents wanted her to marry to a good family. Bear healthy children for him, take care of the house, and raise the kids. That was the future they had planned for her and to be honest, she also knew that they were right.

And then it was on one summer afternoon, an incredibly hot one, that she first met him.

She knew him, of course. Flame Hero Endeavor, who had established himself as the number two hero in such a young age of twenty. She knew him. But at the same time… she didn't know him. Even his name, she only learned about it then. He had such a fitting name for a flame hero – Todoroki Enji – from the kanji character "Roaring Flame". She faced him calmly, her expression bore indifference. She knew why he was here, he could say all things to her parents, but there was only one reason a flame hero would pick someone with ice quirk as his potential match, even going so far as setting up an omiai – a matchmaking. A quirk marriage to produce offspring that would inherit both of their parents' quirk. Everyone in this room knew it already, they only avoided talking about it.

She should ideally use this opportunity to know him better. But she couldn't help but feel incredibly stifled. The air inside this room was too hot, the tatami pressed hard against the skins on her knees, which were already sore from sitting upright in a formal position for too long. Her back hurt; she couldn't seem to relax a bit. But the breeze, which sometimes blew from the open door toward the backyard, somehow felt refreshing. She drew in a deep breath – in and out. She wished this could be over soon. This meeting had no point. Her parents will agree to her marriage. And if they agree – then she must too.

It was, after all, a marriage of convenience. A loveless one. When she was younger, of course she had dreamed of a blissful marriage full of love. She'd had her first boyfriend in high school, and the second one in college. She'd dreamed of happy marriages with them. But when she grew older, she realized that things were different out here in the real world. You don't always need love to get married. It was hard to believe, but – that was the only way she could have convinced herself to see it.

How about it, Rei? her father asked her, Would you do it?

Rindou – Autumn Bellflowers

That was the name of her favorite flower, she told him.

"You like them?" he asked her and she nodded in affirmation. "They are pretty," she said, smiling quietly, not looking at him. They were out for a walk, the first time after he gained her parents' permission for their marriage. The wedding date had been set, it was to take place this winter. She would drop out of college and get married, soon she would be moving in to the Todoroki household. And still she had no idea of the man she would be marrying. She stole glimpses of his face as they walk side by side. He had a stoic, firm aura about him – there was never a change of expression on his face. But if she looked closely, she could see strength and determination were engraved ever so quietly on his facial features.

And his eyes – to be honest, they scared her a bit. There were times when they were together, but Enji's eyes were never looking at her direction. It was as if he was always looking forward, at something far ahead of him. Rei might be young, and inexperienced at the world. But even the most innocent of women would have their instincts about the man they were about to marry. And at that point, Rei could tell. Those were the eyes of a very ambitious man.

This afternoon, they had gone out together, in an attempt to get to know each other better. He brought her to eat her favorite Zaru Soba at a three Michelin star Japanese restaurant for lunch, then they took a walk outside in the autumn weather. It was her who suggested that they should go to the park, it's about the season for Autumn Bellflowers. And that was when he asked her if she liked those flowers.

The more time she spent with him – the more distance she felt. It was as if there was a deep, dark ocean between them, something she shouldn't attempt to swim across. After all, she knew why she was here, and why he chose her.

He needed her for the ice quirk – she needed him for the financial stability. She needed to give birth to children powerful and healthy enough to become future heroes even stronger than the living legend All Might. Just that, and she could live the rest of her life easily. She would never have to worry about money again for her whole life. And she could restore the long-lost glory to her family name again – something her parents had always hoped she would be doing.

A partner to reproduce. That was all her role, and all she will ever be to him.

Or, that was how she attempted to convince herself about it. Which was why, his next words were a complete surprise to her.

"Did you have someone you were seeing? Before the marriage arrangement, I mean."

She stared at him a good long while, forgetting that just minutes ago she was too scared to even look at him directly. As always, he wasn't looking at her, but she knew he was waiting for her answer.

"Yes," she said quietly, not knowing what else to say. It was true. She was seeing someone back then, but once her parents made the decision that she was to marry Endeavor, she broke up with her then-boyfriend. It didn't come quietly though – no matter how much Rei tried to convince him that this was her parents' decision and not hers – she couldn't say anything when her ex-boyfriend suggested they should elope. Things started to go downhill from there and after a lot of yelling, and cursing, he finally let her remember his last words before they parted.

You pathetic, lying bitch! So you would marry anyone for money, huh? Well glad to know that! I don't have any place for gold digger like you in my life! Go suffer and die in hell, bitch!

It felt like a lifetime ago – but Rei remembered it like yesterday. After all, those words were painful enough to stay on her memories.

"Did you love him?"

Again, Rei was caught by surprise. She didn't expect this question. Even more, because this time, he was looking at her. For a moment, their eyes met. His eyes were a unique kind of blue – unlike the sky or the deep ocean, which had cool shades of blue, his eyes were a shade of turquoise. They reminded her of the warm water in white sandy beaches in Okinawa – where she used to visit with her parents when she was a child.

It was a warm shade – it was supposed to be a warm shade. But his piercing gaze was icy cool.

"I did," she responded before she could stop herself. Then she realized her mistake, but it was too late. Enji's look had turned very sour, and his gaze grew – if possible – even colder at her words.

"It doesn't matter," he stated, matter-of-factly. "You are going to be married to me soon, so it doesn't matter."

He began to walk quickly, dismissing her, and Rei suddenly felt as if her insides had turned to ice. She was a wielder of ice quirk, and she loved cold. Her body was naturally resistant to freezing temperatures. But this time, Todoroki Enji had made her shiver. Not because she felt cold, not because of the weather. But because she could clearly see that inside his heart – there was ice that will never melt.

And because she knew, what kind of life was waiting for her down the road when she became his wife.

He had a bad temper – she learned it quickly within the first three months she had become his wife. His emotion could explode from scale 0 to 100 in such a short time, particularly when things didn't go his way.

He wasn't a loving kind of man by any chance. He was brusque, stoic, and distant. He was never one to talk much, always kept to his responsibilities very strictly, and he expected Rei to do the same around the household. She kept to her duties as a housewife, avoid triggering his temper, and did her best to please his needs mentally, physically, and sexually. She couldn't decide if she was happy with this marriage and she still wasn't sure if she loved him but strangely, she knew that she wasn't unhappy.

On days when things did go his way, when he was in a good mood – Rei could see that Todoroki Enji was indeed quite an earnest and hard-working man. In fact, he was such a hard-working person to the point that he would forget his surroundings. Despite everything else, Rei also knew that Enji was kind. He remembered her birthday, and took her to her favorite soba place to celebrate. He hired a maid when he knew she was pregnant with their first child. He said she should avoid being too tired when she's pregnant. Rei knew he could have done it for the child and not her, but it made her happy just the same. Soon it was one year after she married him, and on winter that year, he ordered a bouquet of her favorite flower for their first wedding anniversary, with a short apology that he couldn't make it home from work. It was a pleasant surprise for Rei. And shortly after that, their first son was born.

Touya. When he was born, it was probably the first time in her life that Rei had ever truly felt love. Love toward another human being – a baby boy that just arrived into this world – her own son.

And for a short while, she was happy. She had a family, a healthy baby boy, and a husband that took care of them both. When he heard she had gone into labor, Enji rushed to the hospital from work to see his wife and son. And when he finally met Touya, that might be the only time Rei had ever seen him smile.

Yes. For a short while, things were going well for all of them.

Then, everything seemed to be broken, one after another, things were heading toward chaos. She was plunged into the depths of depression, and quite honestly, she didn't even know what she did wrong.

Maybe she was too young. Maybe it was her mistake for agreeing to marry him, even when she knew the purpose of that marriage all along. Soon, after Touya was declared unfit by the doctors to keep wielding his fire quirk – Rei could see Enji's ambitions burning and manifesting even stronger. After Touya, they had a daughter born in winter, and a son after that, who was born in summer. She did want to have more children so Touya could have friends to play with, but he knew Enji had a completely different idea. He'd never wanted a family. All he wanted was a successor, and he would continue to create them with her, until one day they will become successful.

Rei felt rather sick. She was never sure how to feel about this man. Sometimes he was kind, other times he was ruthless. Out there he was a hero, but here in this household, even after several years of marriage, he felt more and more like complete stranger to her. Even to his children, there were times when he saw Touya, Fuyumi, and Natsuo truly as his flesh and blood, but once he learned that they will never surpass his ambition, he started abandoning his own children.

Rei remembered the chill she had on that day, autumn several years ago, when they were walking on the park together.

It doesn't matter. You are going to be married to me soon, so it doesn't matter.

She shivered again. Tonight, after putting the children to sleep, she was to meet him in his room. If her husband wanted to have another offspring, she was to carry out her role as a good wife.

She opened the sliding door and got in to her husband's chamber, shutting the door behind her. Quietly, she undressed herself, slipped under the futon where her husband lie sleeping, and gave him a slight touch. "The children are asleep," she said softly. He murmured, her touch already woke him up from his shallow sleep.

"How is Touya?"

"He still asks about you every day. I think he really wants to spend time with you."

"I will do it only if he doesn't insist on me training him…"

Thump

"Since he'll never be… the one to surpass."

Another cold shiver was going down her spine.

He moved, took her quickly inside his arms, and her heartbeat grew louder. She knew she was the one who chose to walk this path, but she was scared. Scared of being inside his arms, scared of what they were about to do. For a split second, she wished she had chosen a normal marriage instead, a marriage out of love, and not a marriage for convenience. After all, what's going to happen if their next child didn't possess a quirk he desired? Will they keep making children, and tossing them away? What if it never happened? How long were they going to repeat this nightmare?

They began moving toward each other, their breathings grew heavier. It was always like that with him – all brusque and systematic kind of way. He didn't take his time with her, and she never expected him to. She only did what she needed to do. Ten, eleven minutes. That was all the time they needed to finish their business. Once he had sated himself, he took a pause, his figure towering over her. Then he sank to the futon beside her, waiting for their breathings to quiet down. After a moment, Rei rose silently and began putting on her clothes.

"I should go back to the children's room," she said. "They might wake up and look for me."

Her husband only nodded wordlessly

Rei tried to keep her crying silent as she walked out toward the door. Not a word was uttered, not a touch other than necessary. There was no love when it came to procreation with him.

They were always, first and foremost, just a tool to him.

She slid the door shut.

His flames were always blazing, yet his heart was always so cold. He was, without a doubt, a man of a great many contradictions. And she… she might just be one of those contradictions.