It takes every ounce of his super soldier strength to hold himself in the chair and stay seated in this meeting.
The metal arms of his chair are already crumbled under his fingers and he can see Tony eyeing it warily.
The only bright point is that Ross had been told by Tony that Barnes had run off after their escape, so he wasn't present.
Tony had tipped them off about that little omission before the meeting and the relief across Bucky's face had been palpable. But there was no avoiding it for the others.
So here Steve sat, listening to Ross drone on about reliability and responsibility.
"Cut the crap, Ross." Tony sighed. "Just tell us what you're really here to say."
The wood floor under Ross' shoes creaked as he rocked back and forth.
"You are not to enter the field again until I deem fit."
Silence.
The metal Steve was still gripping creaked loudly as his fingers clenched.
"And what, pray tell, would deem us fit again?" Comes Natasha's steely reply.
"Full psych evals."
Clint shudders. After his run-in with Loki, Ross had been relentless that he wasn't fit to be on the team again. It had taken months of rigorous training, tests, and evaluations to get Ross to back off.
"And how would those be done?" Bruce asks, his voice barely audible, still a bit off from the drugs. Ross had chased Bruce around the world for years, and now Bruce had to sit here, listening to this man, as if nothing had ever happened, annoyance at Ross and sympathy for Bruce was clearly written on all their faces.
"Well," Ross smiles, as if that was the question he'd been waiting for, "I've been heavily advised, by some of the leading experts in the world, that the only way to get over a problem is to go through it." His face betrays none of the pleasure that his tone implied.
"What the hell kind of cryptic—"
"Barton." Tony cautions, cutting him off.
"And if we don't want to do that?"
Steve's eyes cut to Natasha, that had been his next question, if he could unclench his jaw long enough to get a single word out.
"Well, like I said, you're not allowed in the field." Natasha nods, but stares at him, waiting, "and also your clearances would be revoked, no more access to US intel, buildings, or resources. You would also be barred from leaving the country except when given express permission."
"What!" Tony explodes, "You can't do that!"
"Actually Stark, I can." He leans forward, placing his palms flat on the table, "I've already informed the UN and plenty of other need-to-knows that they aren't to be in contact with any of you. They've been alerted to your fragile mental states and that you can't be trusted with missions right now. This is standard POW protocols. You've been victims of torture and haven't been cleared for duty." Steve wants to punch the fake regretful smile that is playing on Ross' face, but settles for crushing the armrest completely instead.
"And we can't leave the country, why?" Bruce growls.
"You weren't listening, Dr. Banner." Ross taunts, swiping the tablet screen in front of him, "I said you couldn't leave the country without permission. That means if you need to get away for a business trip," he motions to Stark, "or perhaps you want to take a vacation, then you'd ask and we'd evaluate the trip and grant permission on a case-by-case basis. But you would not be allowed to leave the country at the same time or to the same location. And yes, you would be accompanied by a liaison."
"This is absolutely absurd. You don't have the power to do this."
"You are a 'known-round-the-world superhero team. You are the Avengers." The way Ross puts the title in air-quotes makes Natasha hiss. "You can't be let loose like cannons into the world after what you've just been through. I mean, Steve—" Ross turns towards him, and he hears everyone's hearts pick up speed, including his own. "You and I both know that you aren't exactly stable right now. After what I watched? I think any government that saw that tape would agree they would probably want someone else leading the team, until you're evaluated and cleared for—
"Ross, if you sent those tapes to anyone else I swear to—"
"Calm down, Stark. Only I have them. But it would be easy to send them to whoever I felt needed to see them if I heard that any of these stipulations weren't being followed."
—-
Time is passing, and they are still talking, but Steve's thoughts are in a separate place. He's not breathing. He stopped minutes ago and he can't seem to find the command to start again. He knows he can go about an hour without breathing, so he's fine, but he shouldn't be reacting this way. Does this just prove to Ross that he is unstable?
"Steve?" A quiet voice whispers and a cool hand rests on his.
He turns towards it and Natasha is staring at him with a calm face and frantic eyes.
"Steve, please breathe." He takes a stuttered breath and she relaxes. "Your lips were turning blue." He doesn't answer, he just looks around and notices that Ross is gone.
"Where'd Ross go?" His voice croaks out from disuse.
They stare at him.
"What?"
"He left like 25 minutes ago, Cap." Clint says quietly.
"Oh…"
"Okay, well now that Cap's back with us. What do we choose?"
"What did I miss?" Steve asks a bit sheepishly.
"Well, we can either report to Ross on Monday for our first group psych evaluation, or we can call it quits… for good."
"Group eval?"
They stare at him again.
"Geez, Cap." Tony sighs, rubbing the back of his neck, "How long ago did you zone out?"
"Sometime around when Ross threatened to send out the tape."
The look of sympathy on their faces makes him grimace. He stands up, leaving the crumpled chair behind and stands in front of the giant glass wall, staring out at the skyline.
"I can't let him send out that tape. Even if he… Even if I'm never allowed to be Captain America again— Even if they never let me fight, I won't be free… I won't feel comfortable knowing that tape is in Ross' hands."
"You and me both." Natasha growls.
"Well, then we say yes, but we add some conditions."
"Can we do that?"
"Worth a shot, and I know that you aren't going to like this suggestion Cap, but…" He scratches at his neck and musses his hair in the process. "I think we should bring Barnes."
The hairs on the back of his neck stand up and he whips towards Tony, an accusing glare flashing his direction
"I know! I know—" Tony says congenially, stepping back with his hands raised in surrender, "But you want Barnes to have a life right? And who is going to let him when he's a semi-used-to-be-brainwashed Hydra assassin?" He slumps back into his leather chair, spinning in circles. "If he gets evaluated too, then we can get him a real life, not on the run, a permanent or whatever situation he wants."
"He killed your parents." Steve says flatly.
"Geez, Steve, I know. Thanks for the reminder." He huffs and turns his face towards the window, eyes going to somewhere far away. "And if you remember, I wanted to murder the guy for a long time, then he comes and saves my life, and the lives of some of my closest friends and I get to thinking, huh he maybe he ain't all bad." The grimace that passes over his face at the attempt of a joke makes the temperature in the room drop about 10 degrees. "But I saw the files on him, and you were right, he didn't have a choice." He sighs and Steve watches as his eyes settle on the ceiling. "FRIDAY, would you send Barnes up?"
"Yes, Mr. Stark."
—
It takes a bit of convincing and planning, but they work out what they would want to counter-propose to Ross and Tony send him a long voice message.
"Hey, Thaddeus, buddy, how's it hangin'? Anyways, Tony Stark here. The team thought about your proposal and here's our counter. We will do your little group therapy, but it's gunna be here in Stark Tower. Not in whatever creepy government building you were thinking of. And it's gunna be with a therapist that both sides approve of. None of those quacks that I've seen you use before. I think that's about it… Oh yeah, uh you know Barnes? Like good ol' Bucky Barnes, Cap's sidekick from the 40's, well he's going to be joining us to get cleared too. So let us know what you think, and remember that if you really really want to get into a legal dispute with Stark Industries I have a lot of lawyers who would kill for a chance to go after you for some alleged human rights violations. Also, you're not allowed to be in the sessions and we get confirmed deletion of the tapes when we're finished. Toodle-loo."
Steve has his hand resting on Bucky's tensed forearm, as Tony hangs up.
"Maybe a bit much, Stark?" Natasha criticizes.
"Nah, I've known him for years and government buffoons like him need a threat to follow through. I make it clear it would be better for everyone— aka him— if he agrees and Badda-bing we get a deal."
Bucky sits tightly wound. After agreeing to the plan, he'd been quiet and reserved, but now he sat like a spring, coiled and ready to snap.
"Why don't we just hit him with those lawsuits right now?" Clint asks grumpily.
"Because he can send those tapes out at any time." Tony answers. "We don't want to back him into a corner where he'll do something rash. We give him a way out and hopefully he takes the path of least resistance."
"Buck, it's going to be okay."
"How can you say that Steve, how can you be okay with this?"
"I'm not." He snorts, causing the others to look at them, "I'm not okay with this. I wasn't okay with being abducted, and forced to relive the worst moments of my life either, but here we are. And if we don't do this—" He holds the bridge of his nose, "If we don't do this, it will haunt us forever. It will haunt me forever." His voice trails off and no one says anything for a while. "You don't have to do this with us. You can still back out."
"No." The firmness in his voice surprises Steve, "No I need to do this too." A pause, "and I don't want you doing this alone either. End of the line right?"
Steve's chest tightens with emotion at the words, and he smiles at his friend, "Yeah Buck, end of the line." He glances up at the others. "Guess we have a few days to prepare. I have a suggestion for a therapist."
—
Saturday Night
The common room is quiet as Natasha sits in an armchair reading something on her phone. The elevator ding brings her attention up and Barnes stumbles out onto the floor.
He walks clumsily to the kitchen, looking around like he's lost.
"Barnes?" She sets her phone down and stands slowly, making sure he has adequate time to notice her presence. "You okay?"
He doesn't acknowledge her presence, just speaks, "Something is wrong."
"What is?"
"I still have my contacts."
She waits for him to continue but he just stands there, gripping the counter with his metal hand.
"And these contacts… contacted you?" She presses.
"Well, they were just following Hydra, but I asked them to follow what happens to the site." His eyes are far away.
She huffs, "What site?"
"Detroit. They took it."
Just the mention of the place makes her stomach do a flip. "Took what, Barnes?"
"The tech, the chair."
"The chair?" Her face twists as she realizes what he's talking about, "No, that's impossible, Tony blew it up."
"He blew up the one in the room we were in."
"Barnes, I swear—"
"They had another. A prototype, a first try." His voice cracks and his eyes are suddenly on hers with such ferocity that she can't move or look away. "Ross took it, and guess where he shipped it?"
"Here." Her voice rasps, understanding dawning on her.
"Yeah, he's going to make us use it. He's going to put Steve back in that chair. And you. And me. And he's going to label it as therapy." He picks up a mug that sits on the countertop and crushes it, glass shattering and hitting the floor.
"But," Natasha whispers, "What's the purpose of making us rewatch it?"
"Me."
She looks at him, questioning.
"I only got through one memory, and I changed it. There's missions, and torture, and plenty of things that I'm sure he'd love to see." His face is pinched. "But—"
"What?" Natasha breathes, "What could be worse than that?"
"It's not that it's worse, it's just that, there's memories of Steve that I have… that he doesn't. That I don't want him to have."
"What do you mean?"
"Things that happened to him while he was unconscious, or…. When he was captured and drugged."
"What the hell." She huffs, sitting down heavily on one of the kitchen chairs.
"Yeah."
"We gotta tell them."
"I know."
'What are we gunna do?"
"What can we do? You think we can refuse?"
She grimaced. "We refuse and then he releases that tape to the world and Steve never has any sort of privacy again. My files were dumped when hydra went down, and as much as it would suck for people to be able to actually watch it…" she sighs, "I would be okay, I think, in the end. It would shed some light on things and make people understand any girl who's been through a situation like mine." Her fingers drum on the counter and Bucky stands there staring at them, "and Tony and Bruce have both had very public lives, so their tapes wouldn't hold much interest, and even Clint's—I think he could manage. But Steve—"
Bucky's breath hitches and they stare at each other.
"How bad was it before I got there?" He asks quietly.
"I had no idea—" she starts, "The history books don't know jack, that's for sure. We'd already been in his mind for hours before you got there. I don't think Steve would be able to recover from the world seeing all of that. Protecting him from reliving it now, could push Ross to release it and—"
"No." The sharp cut of the word makes Natasha draw back. "No, we can't let that happen. I don't know what these sessions will be like, but it has to be better than those tapes getting out."
She nods grimly and they sit for awhile before he glances down at the mess he's made.
He carefully sweeps up the pieces of glass and disposes of them, the trash can lid closing slowly.
"Natasha?" Bucky asks, without looking up at her.
"Yeah?"
"You said Steve's a bad liar."
"Yeeeaah?"
"You really meant that?"
She looks taken aback. "Of course I do. He's terrible at lying."
The look that crosses Bucky's face is unreadable.
"And the room he's sleeping in, that's his permanent room?"
"Yeah that whole floor is his. Why? Barnes, what's going on?"
"How long has he lived there?"
"Since he woke up basically, three-ish years ago? He moved to DC for the whole thing with you, but then came back. He has a room at the compound upstate too. Why?"
He stops and walks back, passing her and walking to the elevator door. He presses the button to call it and stands there. As the door opens, he steps in and turns to face her. "I think— I can't be sure, I need to be more sure, but… I think something is wrong with Steve, more than just what happened this past week. Something's missing."
The doors close and Natasha is left to try and decipher whatever the hell that could mean.