*A/N - This may be a difficult chapter for some, we have to go through a bit more OOF before we can (hopefully) get back to our lovely protective Team. Some of this may seem repetitive because of the team needing to catch up to speed. But I wanted to write it from their perspective.
—
Every hour they stare at the screen as it goes black. There's always a horrible minute of silence, no one moving, before an overly bright text box pops up on the screen:
Would you like to keep watching?
Natasha is sitting on the couch, perched and pressed up against the back, her eyes red from staying awake all night, but Tony never sees her blink.
Bucky has been sitting in the same chair, rigid for hours. His gaze has been constant on Steve, but his eyes unfocused. He looks more like the Winter Soldier than he does Bucky Barnes.
Clint and Bruce have been MIA for a while.
This time the waving Captain America cartoon accompanying the text box throws Tony over the edge. After a night of no sleep his nerves are frayed and they're no closer to finding Steve.
"I'm getting coffee." Tony says, gritting his teeth. He hops off his stool and is in the elevator before anyone responds.
Tony pushes the button for the common room floor and sags against the wall. He feels bone tired but more than that, he's frustrated as hell at himself. Tony hated being bested at technology. And right now it felt like Beck was running circles around him.
He pressed his palm against his chest, the phantom ache of the old arc reactor acting up. The elevator dings and he steps out. He meets Clint's eyes, both of them surprised to see each other.
"I'm going to come back down." Clint says, a towel in his hand and guilt lacing his voice, "I just needed…"
"A break." Tony fills in for him. "I get it. Coffee?"
Clint rubs the towel over his damp hair and nods. "Yeah, yeah sure."
Tony turns towards the kitchen and walks to where the coffee station is. He reaches for the carafe only to find it empty. Not 'someone drank the last cup' empty, but 'FRIDAY hasn't made coffee yet' empty.
"FRIDAY?"
"Yes, boss?"
"Is there a reason there's no coffee ready?"
If an AI could sound miffed, she did. "I am not programmed to make coffee using this machine, sir."
Tony's eyebrows furrow and he studies the machine. He turns to Clint, "who traded my state of the art machine for this piece of crap!?" He gripes, eyeing the standard generic maker.
Clint opens his mouth to speak but FRIDAY speaks, sounding (somehow) even more annoyed at her maker.
"Captain Rogers was unable to work the previous machine. He requested this simpler version and it was ordered for him by JARVIS over two years ago." The blatant exposition of her boss's ignorance to the difference in machines is crystal clear.
Tony narrows his eyes. "Impossible, who's been making coffee every morning then? Or at 3 am when I'm still awake in the lab? Everytime I'm up here, there's coffee." Tony turns to Clint who is looking pale.
"Captain Rogers requested your usual coffee drinking schedule and has been brewing pots to anticipate your needs. When I protested, he insisted he didn't mind, since he had requested the simpler machine to begin with."
Tony can't breathe and his heart rate is rising. "You're lying." He gasps, even though his AI has no reason to be untruthful.
"I am incapable of untruths, boss."
He doesn't register the motion, but one minute the mug is in his hand, and the next it's shattering against the wall.
—
Tony orders Starbucks instead. Unable to even look at the machine in the kitchen now.
He takes everyone's orders. Only Bruce abstains. Not wanting any caffeine in his system.
—
They decide to follow Natasha's advice and watch the past. They make frequent checks back to the present, but for the most part Steve sleeps, stretches, does thousands of push-ups, or sits quietly just thinking.
The screen focuses and they can see Central Park come into view. Dr. Raymond is shown briefly and then the camera points towards a path. Steve strolls into view soon after. They watch him stop to admire some artwork, and then hurry forwards.
Steve gets close to the camera and smiles, extending his hand.
"Hello, Dr. Raymond."
"Hello, Steve. It's nice to see you out of that compound."
Bucky snarls and Tony doesn't miss Natasha's harsh whisper of "that bitch".
They watch Steve glance around, peace on his face as he speaks, "it's nice to be out."
"Would you like to walk while we talk?"
"The camera is on her." Clint says. His fist tightening around the cup in his hand.
"Sure, that sounds great."
They watch the two walk down a more deserted path. But Steve's next word's have them all sucking in a sharp breath.
"What more do I need to do to prove I'm ready to be on missions?"
They can't see Dr. Raymond's face, but they hear her words. They listen until she gets cut off.
"If there's anything that Beck and Zemo could use against you as ammo… Well, I'd deal with it because… They—"
They watch as Steve's eyes widen and then narrow at someone beyond Dr. Raymond.
The camera angle switches and they watch as Beck steps up behind Steve and presses a gun to his spine.
They drag Dr. Raymond backwards,
"He had his dampeners in!' Natasha hisses, watching as Steve reaches to take them out.
They watch as Steve realizes who is talking to him. Bucky stands up when Steve grasps Beck's neck and looks ready to kill.
But the camera swivels to show Dr. Raymond getting shot in the arm.
They all groan, the situation becoming clear to them. They watch Steve drop Beck and surrender.
"—Anyways, if you don't want us to shoot Dr. Raymond right here in front of you then you'll do as I say."
The camera fasts forwards as they approach the street. Dr. Raymond gets shoved into the back of a car and driven off.
"You promised she wouldn't get hurt!" Steve snarls at the camera.
"She won't, but you and I both know how resourceful you are, so I need her far enough away so that she can remain an incentive for you to behave. Understand?" Another growl from Natasha has Tony's nerves dancing.
"Give me your phone."
"Huh?"
"I need your phone. Come now, don't hold out on me."
They watch as Steve reluctantly hands over his phone.
—-
Someone's hand slams onto the lab table and they look up.
Bruce is standing there. Showered and clothes changed.
"I can't believe I didn't realize." He says, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Know what?"
"That it wasn't Steve. I should have noticed. How could I not have realized that it wasn't him texting me. Beck fooled me so easily."
"He fooled all of us Bruce." Natasha says, "we've all been played."
Bruce stays silent but his face doesn't relax.
—
"—If you eat, Dr. Raymond doesn't. If you drink, Dr. Raymond doesn't. If you try to escape, we will kill her. Yada, yada, yada, you know the drill." Beck points at the glass and the walls and the door. "None of this is reinforced, you could probably escape out of here in a matter of minutes. But if you do—" Beck makes a slicing motion at his neck, "Her blood, your hands."
They watch as Steve touches the walls and the glass.
"You're telling me, Steve could break free at any point, but he's staying imprisoned by these psychopaths, starving no less, for the exact woman who betrayed him?" Clint's expression is murderous.
"He doesn't know she betrayed him yet." Tony adds, "technically we don't even know she betrayed him yet. But if not her, then who?"
"Even if he knew she betrayed him…" Bucky's voice cuts them to the core, "he would still starve for her."
Natasha stands up and walks out without a word.
—-
They finally catch up to the present day.
Steve looks pale and his huge frame looks gaunt. It's been 6 days since his capture and he hasn't eaten.
"Good morning, Steve."
Steve doesn't respond. They watch as he opens one eye, and then shuts it, ignoring his captor.
"How are you feeling?" Beck persists.
"Like two psychopaths are getting ready to experiment on me."
"That's a good one!" Beck laughs, "Love that sense of humor. You know, I've seen a good amount of your memories. You're pretty funny, why don't more people see that?"
They can see Steve's brow furrow. This is not what he's expecting.
"Can I be honest with you Steve?"
"Whatever floats your boat, Beck."
"I'm worried about you."
This causes Steve's head to snap up, a look of disbelief and annoyance on his face.
"Oh!" Steve mocks, "You're worried about me? And how's that?"
"Well, for starters you're not eating."
Steve's eyes widen and Tony's never seen that particular shade of red on his face but Beck laughs. "GotchaI" he quips. Beck picks up one of the water bottles and throws it at Steve. "Here, a freebie. I promise Dr. Raymond will not come to any harm or be denied water if you drink that. Think of it as a peace offering."
Steve looks murderous, but even from here they can see the need for water in Steve's eyes.
"You promise?"
"Cross my heart."
Steve opens the water bottle and drinks it slowly.
—
Tony has the tablet wired and hooked up to FRIDAY anyway he can without it triggering a shock to Steve. They've set up a round the clock schedule to make sure that someone has eyes on teh screen at all times, but Tony notices that unless they're sleeping, showering, or trying to keep Ross off their tracks, they are down in the lab, eyes glued to the screen where their Captain grows thinner and paler by the day.
"They're going to kill him." Clint snarls, looking as Steve clutches at his stomach.
"Are they?" Bucky asks, his eyes black and deep set from having refused to sleep more than a few hours the past 10 days.
This silences them. How long can Steve go without food or water?
They're still silent when Beck's face appears on the screen.
"Hello!" He says cheerily, then he laughs, "How's it going over there? We're gearing up for the start of our show. However… We've changed a few pieces and not to alarm you, but things are not looking so great for our Boy Scout. I'm going to go offer for him to switch places with Barnes, we don't really care which Super Soldier we get to fry and make our personal attack dog, but hey, why not give the man a choice. We're nice like that."
Bucky stands up and his metal fist hisses under the pressure of how hard he's clenching his fist.
"We thought maybe that wiping his memories would be good enough. You know, make him a blank slate so that way we can program what we want. But Barnes, you know how that turned out right? Look at you, all sentimental and remembering things. So… with a little tinkering and a few adjustments, we've decided that using my Retro-Framing tech in conjunction with the memory recall and wiping program, we can alter his memories instead. Erasing them leaves blank spots that he will eventually be able to fill in, but changing those memories means no blank spots. He'll just morph into whatever we want. Clever right?" Beck looks at them with a smile and then turns his head as if someone called him.
"Yeah, Yeah I'll be right there. Bring him to the room. Make sure the restraints are on right." He nods as someone says something then turns back towards the camera. "You know what's great about you guys watching?" His smile turns manic and it's crystal clear just how off the hinges this man is. "Well, this psychological torture goes both ways. He doesn't know you're watching, he has no idea about his live audience. And you know what happens when people think they're alone?" He grins and Natasha hisses, "That's when they show their true colors. And I think you guys witnessing that will be just marvelous."
He gives a mock salute and shouts, "Into the breach!" Then he looks confused… "Or is it Onto the breach? Or Unto to the breach? I never did know. Anyways. See you on the other side."
The camera glitches and a new room fills their vision.
Bucky makes a choking sound, the sight of the chair evoking a visceral reaction.
"Why!" Tony shouts, shoving off from his stool and stamping towards the far wall, pointing to the projected screen, "why is he telling us his entire plan?"
"It's worse to know." Clint states flatly. "He's telling us because he's right. It will be psychological torture for us to watch Steve lose his mind. To watch them tear him apart memory by memory."
"Why are we talking as if that's going to happen. It's NOT going to happen. We can't let that happen." Natasha threatens to everyone in the room. "Get it together. We need to find Steve and get him out of there. Stark, you're one of the most brilliant minds in this country—"
He scoffs.
"FINE." She shouts, "In the world. But if you're so smart why can't you find him?"
"Because anytime I try to touch their tech to figure it out, it shocks him!"
"He's leaving that room, maybe we can find something while he's in transit." Bruce says quietly. They snap their heads up, staring for a second before scrambling to action.
Tony goes to work, diligently checking and rechecking wires, circuit boards, and anything he can without turning the tablet off.
"There's a ping!" He shouts, "somewhere in Colorado. It's probably being re-routed but maybe we can check it out and find something there."
The group nods, gathering their things when Tony unplugs the tablet from his lab.
"I'll keep watch as we get our stuff. Meet in the quinjet in 20 minutes."
—
Bruce and Clint are in the pilot's chairs and Tony's loading his last bag onto the jet when a mechanical voice breaks the silence.
"Low Battery"
Tony looks down at the tablet in his hand, which still has the empty room with the chair being shown, and notices the flashing red bar at the top.
"You're kidding me." He snarls.
"What is it?"
Tony doesn't respond right away. He tries to plug it into the jet's power source but the message repeats.
"Low Battery"
He tries his iron man suit.
"Low Battery"
"Shit!"
The screen blinks off and they all freeze.
Bucky snatches the tablet out of his hands and is racing towards the doors. He disappears into the stairwell and is gone before the others can blink.
Tony eyes the rest of them, "You guys go. We'll be in contact." He steps off the jet and is running after Barnes before they can protest. He hears the whine of the engines as it takes off but he doesn't look back, jumping two stairs at a time to make it down to the lab.
—-
When he finds Barnes trying to find where they had had it plugged in, he approaches slowly and speaks softly. "Barnes, I'll plug it in, okay? Just hand it to ma, don't worry, we're going to get him back on the screen."
The slighlty glazed look is present on Bucky's face and Tony mentally notes that he usually wears that look when the Winter Soldier is vying for headspace.
"Bucky." Tony says firmly, using the nickname he knows Steve uses, trying to make sure Bucky wins the mental battle over the other guy. "Buck, it's going to be okay. We're going to get him back, just let me see that tablet, okay? I need to plug it in the correct way."
"Low Battery"
The tablet is being shoved into his hands and Barnes retreats towards the couch, sitting down and resting his hands on his knees. He'd look almost relaxed if Tony couldn't see him gripping his jeans like his life depended on it.
Tony sets to work, plugging it back into the lab's power source and bringing the projector back up.
The tablet stops chirping its repeated message but the screen doesn't return.
Tony's about to start fiddling with it when a box appears on the screen.
"Oops! You let the battery die, That's going to cost you time and money. Please select your payment choice!"
Tony watches the prices pop up.
Hourly: $2,000
Weekly: $150,000
"I'm going to rip them to shreds." He hears a voice that sounds dangerously close to the Winter Soldier say.
"Bucky, now's not the time." Tony says through gritted teeth, even though he agrees with the sentiment at the moment.
He quickly pays and waits as a loading progress bar pops up.
Estimated wait time to return to your regularly scheduled program: 12 Hours
Tony balks and Bucky is at his side.
"What does it mean: 12 hours? We can't wait that long! What are they doing to him during that time?"
Tony takes a deep breath. "I think Beck was pretty clear he wanted us to witness every harrowing and horrible detail. I doubt he'd cut us if we were missing anything."
As horrible as that thought is, it does calm Bucky down slightly. Tony's not wrong. Beck was clearly a sadist and wouldn't want them to miss any gory details.
Once Tony is sure that he's done everything he can to get the tablet set up right, he steps back, looking at Barnes. "Everything's good, now we wait. You should sleep."
"No."
He sighs and scrubs a hand down his face. "You've barely slept the last 10 days. You look worse than Steve. And you know Steve would hate that you're not taking care of yourself. Sleep. I'll watch the first 6 hours. You can watch the second set, okay?"
"I'll watch the first set." Barnes says in a clipped tone.
Tony wants to argue, but he knows its no use.
"Fine."
"Fine."
Tony steps over to the couch and lays down, drawing an arm over his eyes. "Wake me if you need anything or if anything happens."
"I will."
—-
To Tony's surprise, Barnes actually does fall asleep and stay that way for the majority of his six hour shift.
When he blearily rubs at his face and sits up, Tony notices a bit more life in his eyes and he lets that knowledge seep in. The more tired and weary Barnes is, the more likely he is to regress into his Winter Soldier programming. They probably worked him like a dog and he had tokeep going under their orders no matter what, it's habit.
It clicks in Tony's mind that that is why they're starving and dehydrating Steve. They're sapping him of physical strength to hurt his mental and emotional strength. At least so far he's been allowed to sleep.
Barnes looks over as if he can sense his thoughts. Tense once more.
"Nothing yet." Tony says calmly. The time reads that they have 23 minutes left until they get their broadcast back.
—
Tony checks in with the team who landed while he was asleep and have been scouting the area their signal pinged off of. So far, another ping to North Carolina, and the quinjet landed there while Bucky was asleep.
"This is just another goose chase." Natasha groans through the comms system.
"I know, Romanoff, but it's better than doing nothing." Tony says. "Send me any and all data or tech. Whatever you find, I want it."
"How's Steve?" Bruce asks, off screen.
Tony glances at the screen, scrubbing a hand down the back of his neck.
"Uh yeah, about that…" His hesitation has their three faces pressing up close, concern and fear written on across them. "No! No. Nothing like that, it's just… Apparently when we let the battery die, we have to suffer the consequences. So our hourly cost went up and…" he groans, "We lost visual for over the last 11 hours. We will get to see Steve in…" he glances up at the screen, "87 seconds." Barnes is already perched on a chair staring at the projection.
A chorus of "what's!" Fill the room and he winces at the feedback.
"We didn't know, but now we know. Okay?"
"Update us if needed." Natasha says, "Clint, we're coming up on a landing."
"Got it."
Natasha signs off, and he and Barnes are left staring at the screen
Estimated wait time to return to your regularly scheduled program: 53 seconds
—
Tony was bent over, picking up the shattered pieces of an unlucky robotic arm that had been laying too close to Barnes' left hand when the screen had rebooted.
Their first visual had been Steve, all alone, restrained into the chair, arms, legs, chest and wrists bolted down securely.
Tony had felt the temperature in the room plummet at the sight. But what had really caused Barnes to crush whatever was closest, was the shower head above Steve turning on, dousing him in what they could tell was ice cold water, and then an electrical shock emitting from the chair, emitting a visceral sound of pain from Steve.
It was way too coincidental that in their first 30 seconds of getting visuals back, that Steve was already being tortured.
"Was he wet before?" Tony asks.
Barnes doesn't answer.
"BARNES." Tony shouts, getting his attention, "Was Steve wet before?"
"What do you mean?"
"When the video first started! Was his hair wet?"
He must be exhausted because he just looks at Tony with confused eyes.
"Was he being tortured before we started watching? Or did Beck just give us the first showing?"
Realization hits Bucky and he goes rigid. He closes his eyes and puts a hand up to his temple, remembering back. His color drains and he looks at Tony. "Yeah, his hair was wet before."
"Shit." Tony snaps. "That means we have no idea how long he's been being doused and shocked. If it's been the whole 12 hours—"
He's cut off as Beck's face appears.
"Welcome back, friends!" Beck chirps through the screen. He's obviously in some sort of control room, and they can hear other people working around him.
How big is this team he has? Tony thinks, how many people out there are willing to torture someone? His stomach turns at the thought. Enough.
"You had to learn that lesson the hard way." He continues. "Letting the battery die is a no-no. Poor Steve here has gotta face the consequences or your mistakes." He nods in their direction as if they were having a face-to-face conversation. "I got a nice look at your lab, Stark. Remember when you invited me up? We talked about the specialty power sources your lab runs off of? Yeah, those ones. Well, that just turned out to be the perfect power source. Nothing like it. You know how Starks are with their proprietary technology."
Tony does remember that day, and he'd had a bit too much to drink that afternoon because he remembers bragging about the technology he keeps just for himself. His eyes slide closed and he sits back onto his stool in a huff.
"How about we start nice and easy?" Beck asks. "Let's go talk to him."
—
Steve's eyes fly back open as the door clangs inwards. He tries to contain the shivers that are wracking his body, but he can't, he's starving, freezing and the shocks make his head fuzzy.
"Hello, Steve." His teeth chatter in response.
"I wanted you to know that if you wanted to trade places with James Barnes, we would take him as an acceptable substitute. Would you like to trade places with him? He's already well versed in procedures like this, it would go smoothly."
Steve's face turns murderous. "Don't you touch him."
"Very well," Beck smiles as if this is exactly what he expected. "You do have the purer version of the serum so we always preferred having you. So it's settled then. I'm excited to begin this adventure with you. I want to inform you that the easier you give in, the easier it will be for you."
Steve growls at that. The only verbal noise he can make without his voice shaking. Steve Rogers doesn't give in.
"To each their own," Beck says good naturedly, raising his hands in mock surrender. "Let's start at the beginning shall we?"
Beck steps out of the room and reappears with a tablet in his hand.
"Everything that we're about to do and see, is from your own mind, so don't be afraid."
"Where's Dr. Raymond?" Steve asks as firmly as he can manage.
"Oh, there's no need to worry about her, Stevie."
Steve's eyes begin to narrow in disbelief before they widen in surprise.
"Ste-Stevie?" His voice stutters, but this time it's only partly because of the cold.
"Oh, yes, that is a good nickname for you. I'm glad I was able to learn about it."
Steve's face pulls tight, eyes fluttering close as he realizes the truth.
"Oh."
"Yes. Oh." Beck says with a laugh. "Took you a bit to figure it out, longer than expected."
"So she's fine?"
"Fine? She'll be awarded a medal for her services in getting you here of your own will."
Steve stares at something on the ceiling. A crack in the concrete.
—-
"So it was her." Clint says seething, when Tony checks in to fill them in on the water and shocking. "She was there, in the building, and we trusted her and this whole damn time she's been feeding information to those maniacs?" He disappears out of the line of sight and Tony watches Natasha's pinched expression. But her words are clear as she speaks.
"Barton, I swear we're going to find them all and I'm going to put my hands around her neck until she can't speak to anyone ever again."
—
Steve lets the realization wash over him, he sighs in a sort of resignation before asking, his voice a bit steadier.
"How long has she been working for you?"
"Oh, well.. I could tell you that, or I could let you wonder if we've blackmailed her into helping us."
"That's what the rest of my life is going to be isn't it." Steve snaps at him, "mind games from the maniacs keeping me prisoner?"
"You weren't a prisoner 13 hours ago. You could have left at any time."
"You threatened me with her well-being."
"Yes, and you chose to stay. Would you have let her die just because she betrayed you?"
Steve's mouth sets in a grim line and he remains silent.
"Exactly." Beck sneers, and his happy-go-lucky facade fades for a moment as he stares at Steve. "Geez, you're sickening, you know that? Never willing to do what needs to be done. Hell, you don't even know if we have your buddies captured." Steve's head snaps up, staring Beck down who doesn't stop talking. "You could have escaped here, and sure Raymond would have died, but you could have saved your friends."
"What did you do to them." Steve growls.
"No time to worry about them." Beck says, his facade falling back into place. "Let's get started."
—
Tony and Bucky watch as Beck fiddles with the tablet. Soon their screen fills with a familiar scene.
Steve is cradled in his ma's arms, Joe Rogers looking dangerous. But as the scene progresses, something is wrong. Sarah Rogers doesn't fight back. She takes a couple hits and falls to the floor. Joe picks up tiny toddler Steve and sets him in the sink.
"You wanna be sick?" He flips the faucet on and cold water starts pouring into the sink, and onto Steve's bare legs. "I'll teach you to toughen up. You need to learn how to be a man. No crying, no getting sick. No excuses." He pushes Steve's shoulders, dunking his head under the cold water and against the hard ceramic of the sink. Steve comes up sputtering and crying. "I would never have raised such a pill. You need a stronger hand to raise you." The dunking and harsh words continue for minutes on end.
Tiny Steve cries, and his skin is turning blue and wrinkly as he looks at his ma, who just lays there in a daze. Looking blankly past her son.
Tony doesn't even have time to register his own disgust and despair at the scene because the two super soldiers in his line of sight are having meltdowns.
Bucky is grasping at his own arms, his metal arm bruising his flesh arm as they clutch each other.
Tony looks at Steve whose eyes are wide and he can see the reflection of tear tracks tracing down his face.
"It's not real. It's not real." Steve is repeating to himself.
Beck laughs. "Oh, it's not?" He taps something on the tablet. "Tell me what the real memory is then?"
The despair in Steve's eyes grows stronger and he pales as he fights to remember. He's left gasping and panting from the effort and Beck chuckles. "That's what I thought."
—-
It's agony.
That's the only way Tony can describe it. Watching Beck go through and destroy all of the positive memories Steve has of his childhood. But what's painful is when he take the already bad memories and makes them worse. Tony flinches everytime a scene pops up that he recognizes.
They watch as Steve at many different ages gets beaten to a pulp with no Bucky or passerby to save him. They watch as he withers and dies of starvation.
They watch as 14 year old Steve drowns in the harbor instead of being rescued by a nearby sailor.
It's jarring to watch Steve die over and over, and then be alive the next second in the next memory. It's a morbid way of his past matching his future. Unable to die.
They watch as his ma starts to show signs of TB except this time he gets infected too, and he lies next to her, each in their sick bed and 16 year old Steve witnesses the life fade out of her eyes.
—
Steve feels like his brain is being scooped out and replaced with something else. Memories he was once so sure of now seem faded and jilted, and they're… wrong. He thinks they're wrong. But he can't seem to remember what is right.
He doesn't have time to wonder about that. The next memory starts.
Steve is 17, walking home from school and suddenly he's being grabbed on his shoulder and spun around.
"You're a liar, Steve!" Bucky is there, face red and fuming.
"Bucky! What?"
"You said you were living with your aunt, but you're living at some orphanage, what was my house not good enough for you?"
"Buck, no! I didn't—"
"Didn't what? Want to live with your best friend? Didn't want anything to do with me? Geez, Steve. I thought we were friends. But friends don't lie to each other. So I guess we aren't." Bucky looks at him with disgust and leaves, walking too quickly for Steve to follow.
The memory fades as a young stricken Steve stands there, looking lost.
"Wow, Steve." Beck says calmly, almost able to fake actual sympathy, "You had a rough childhood, I'm so sorry about that."
"It's…" Steve halts, his brain struggling against itself. "I don't think… It's not—" But he doesn't finish his sentence because he can't remember what he was going to say was wrong. Then he looks at Beck and there's real sadness in his voice.
"I should have told him."
"Told who what?" Beck prods.
"I should have told Bucky about the orphanage."
"Hmm… And why should you have?"
"Because he's my friend!" The waver in Steve's voice has Bucky going rigid.
"And in what ways was he your friend, Steve?"
Steve opens his mouth. He starts confidently, "he saved me from—" then he stops and his eyes glaze over. "Well he…" When Steve struggles to come up with an end to his sentence he falls silent.
The choking sound from Barnes makes the hairs on the back of Tony's neck stick up.
—-
But there is nothing that can prepare them for the next memory.
Beck steps out of the room and the scene goes dark. An all too familiar street appears in their vision and Tony instantly feels nauseous.
"No." He says at the same time that Bucky stands up and growls.
"Stark." Barnes' voice is sharper than glass and brittle.
—
Steve feels like someone has pulled the rug out from under him. Except it's his whole life. He knows something is wrong. He knows where he is and what's happening. He knows that Beck is messing with his memories. But which ones? He isn't sure anymore.
He watches curiously as Beck steps out of the room. His eyes unfocus as the wires connected to his temples buzz to life and he's inserted into his next memory.
He's 19, slim shoulders and hunching against the breeze making his way home too late at night.
It's not until he sees the man and hears him say "hey" that Steve's stomach drops.
"You want some company?" The man offers and Steve tries to yank his way out of the man's grasp. The man is talking but the panic is building. He hears the man say "such a small frame. So small and frail… Childlike almost." Steve shouts and is trying to yank his arm out of the man's fingers.
Tony and Bucky sit frozen, watching as instead of Steve yanking free of his jacket and escaping, that the man catches Steve again and pulls him back, knocking his head against the brick wall. Steve stumbles, still conscious but dizzy and unable to hold himself up.
The man advances on Steve, unbuckling his belt.
Steve isn't found by Bucky the next morning. He's found by the lady who lives in the tenement above the bar. She yells at him and throws things to try to get him to leave but he can't move. She eventually finds some men who drag him and dump him in the street.
—
"It's not real. It's not real." Bucky is repeating out loud to himself and to the image of Steve who sits trembling and crying on the projection. The chair is holding Steve down, but doing nothing to stop the violent shaking of his muscles.
"It's not real. It's not real. It didn't happen that way. He has to know it's not real." The desperation in his eyes is wild and frantic. "He knows it's not real right?"
The question makes Tony sick. "He—" Tony clutches at his chest, "I don't know, Barnes."
—
They get a call from the quinjet and when Tony clicks answer he hears Natasha suck in a breath.
"Tony? What's wrong? What happened?"
Tony just stares at her, mouth slightly parted, unsure how to even begin.
"STARK." Clint is demanding, "What is going on. You tell us right now!"
But he can't find the words. "He's…" he stops and looks at Barnes who is standing, fingers pressed so tightly against his face that his fingertips are leaving bruises. "They're…" He just looks towards them, at their worried and wondering faces, but all he can see are that man's grimy hands on Steve. He lurches for the wastebasket and barely gets it into his grasp before heaving the contents of his stomach into the basket.
"We're on our way." Bruce says, cutting off the comms.
—
Tony can't get through telling what they've witnessed so far. Bucky stands in the same position as he did three hours ago, not having moved a muscle.
"He's doing what he said he would do. He's taking Steve's memories, and he's changing them instead of erasing them."
"Changing them how?" Clint glances at Steve who is at the moment, appearing to be asleep in the chair.
"In the worst way."
"I don't—"
Tony cuts him off. "Do you remember when Steve almost drowned in the harbor but the sailor saved him?"
"…Yeah."
"Well now, in Steve's new memories, he wasn't saved. He drowned."
"What?" Clint asks, pulling back from the table.
But Natasha understands instantly. "No." She says, her face going translucent.
"Yes." Tony rasps, covering his face.
"What?" Clint asks again.
"The alley. The drunk man."
Clint's eyes go wide and he closes his eyes, clutching the edge of the metal table. "No."
"Yes." Bucky growls. "I'm going to kill them." He says, his voice so sharp it sends chills down their spines.
At that moment Steve wakes up with a gasp, struggling against the restraints and trying to get free.
"Let me go." He pants to no one in particular, his eyes looking glazed.
"Has he been fed at all?" Natasha asks desperately.
"Not that we've seen." Tony responds.
Beck strolls into the room and throws the group into silence. "I'm thinking we need to skip ahead a bit."
Steve's eyes blink slowly, and all Natasha wants to reach out and comfort him. She's never seen him look so lost and confused before. He's gaunt and pale, and there's bruises forming around the restraints.
"He doesn't even look like Steve." She whispers.
"He's still Steve." Bucky hisses, his first words in hours.
—
The next memory takes them all by surprise. It's Steve, half standing on the seat of Red Skull's car as it races after the Valkyrie. He's crouched, ready to jump when he looks back at Peggy and Phillips.
He hesitates for just a second, something deep in his chest tells him that something is supposed to happen right now. Something important. A moment that he cherishes forever. But Phillips just continues driving and Peggy looks at him impatiently, as if she can't wait for him to get out of the car.
"Get moving soldier," she huffs, annoyance clear in her tone, "we don't have all day."
Steve gulps, his whole world shifting off kilter as he turns back towards the plane, leaping off onto the landing gear.
The memory skips ahead.
He's flying the Valkyrie, Schmidt gone, and the plane approaching civilization too quickly.
"This is Captain Rogers, can anyone hear me?"
There's no response. He tries again, and again.
No one answers his calls, and after a few minutes he stops trying.
They watch as he approaches the ice, no comforting voice. No promises of a future dance lesson, just Steve, staring into the setting sun, silent and alone.
—