Clint watches as their team begins to crumble from the inside out. It's funny how you never realize how big of a presence someone has until it's missing. He keeps expecting to see Steve cooking in the kitchen, reading in the common room, working out in the gym, but instead it's just quiet, empty spaces. When he mentions this to Natasha she just purses her lips and her eyes settle on the chess board that she and Steve used to play as often as they got the chance.
Clint notices the coffee machine still hasn't been touched.
They keep to the schedule. Someone is watching Steve at all times, but Ross isn't letting up on the hunt for Beck and Zemo, so they have to keep up pretenses.
"Where's Rogers?" Ross asks when he stops by the compound unexpectedly.
"He had an appointment." Natasha says smoothly.
Ross's eyes narrow at them. "He's avoiding me, isn't he." He says it a bit too smugly.
And as much as every avenger in that room wants to sock Ross in the face for that comment alone, Natasha knows it's best to use his pride to their advantage.
"He is indeed." She says, a hint of chagrin coloring her tone as she looks at him like what do you expect? "You know the boys, drama queens, all of them."
Tony gives his best annoyed scoff, but they leave it at that. Ross seems satisfied enough by that answer and they want him out of the compound now.
—
Bruce is shaking when they finally see Ross out and get back to the lab.
"What, what happened?"
"They just went through his memory of visiting Peggy in the hospice home." His neck is green and he's trembling.
"Bruce, tell us quickly and then get out of here and cool down." Natasha commands.
Bruce takes three steadying breaths and speaks quickly and with no emotion. "They twisted it so that when Peggy heard he was coming, she told the nurses to refuse him entry, that she didn't want to see him then and not ever. The last person he saw before the ice, and the only one who knew him back then… refusing to see him. You should have seen his face—"
He cuts himself off and bolts out of the room.
—-
They have to keep Barnes from going manic. He stands rigid one second, and fuming the next. The constant emotional toll of the Winter Soldier conditioning makes him tired and irritable.
"I can't—" he says, screwing his palms into his eye sockets, "It keeps trying to take over and I—" He breathes deeply, his back muscles trembling, "Everytime I feel angry or scared or overwhelmed it's like my brain tries to shut down and let the programming take over."
The admittance is unexpected and the rest stand there shocked. But Natasha recovers the quickest and rests a hand on his shoulders. "This is an exceptional circumstance, you're doing remarkably well for everything you've been through and now you're having to witness. Don't be so hard on yourself. We're here for you too, just like we're going to be there for Steve."
Barnes nods numbly.
—
They watch as Beck runs through Steve and Natasha's visit at Camp LeHigh. When the missile strikes, they watch in horror as Steve is crushed under the rubble, but he pushes his way out. The worst part comes as they watch him dig around calling out Natasha's name, only to find her crushed beneath concrete and rebar. He drags her out and carries her limp body, running from the Hydra team approaching. He finds a secluded spot in the woods and sets her down. He cries, clutching her hand and apologizing for not saving her over and over.
"I'm sorry." His dirt and grime covered face is stricken, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought you, I'm sorry."
Tony looks up but Natasha is already gone, the door swinging shut behind her.
—-
When the memory ends, Steve is unconscious in the chair.
"We need an IV in here." Beck shouts, annoyance in his voice. "Geez, make a guy starve for 12 days and you'd think he was dying." He glances at the camera and winks. Bruce leaves again.
—
When they finally get Steve conscious again, he surprises them by pulling at his restraints, making the metal groan.
"That's Vibranium." Beck states, eyeing Steve warily. "You're not getting out of there anytime soon."
Steve just glares, but doesn't respond verbally.
"When's the last time we heard him speak?"
They can't remember.
—-
When Beck restarts the machine he pauses, "Now Steve, remember. If you agree to submit willingly to the procedure, we can stop all this unfortunate mumbo-jumbo and go straight to the reprogramming. What do you say?"
Steve's brow furrows, and he swallows thickly, the deepening circles under his eyes in stark contrast the translucent nature of his skin. He doesn't seem 100% sure why he shakes his head no, but he does shake it.
Beck sighs dramatically, "Okay, well then this one is on you."
The memory shifts to the next day. Steve is fighting the Winter Soldier on the overpass and then being blasted into the bus below.
Beck has scrubbed Natasha from this memory, and Sam is caught up above unable to aid Steve.
He fights for every inch. He and the Winter Soldier traded bone-breaking blows and dance around the edges of knife tips. Steve can barely register anything but the fight and he does so with single minded energy.
"Steve!" Sam shouts from somewhere above him, "He's too dangerous. You need to take him out!"
Steve nods in agreement. Letting the Winter Soldier live will be a detriment to not just their mission but to the safety of the country. Hydra must be stopped.
He begins fighting with renewed vigor, pushing the Winter Soldier back a few steps. He slams the palm of his fist as hard as he can against his opponent's chest and the man goes flying backwards, slamming full force into the side of the van. He drops to the ground and starts to regain his footing when Steve leaps forward, shoving his knee into the soldier's body, crushing him against the van and pinning him there.
He throws punch after punch, slamming his fist into the face of the long, dark haired soldier in front of him. Cracking the mask covering his face. The Winter Soldier reaches up to pull it off, his eyes widening, but Steve slams his hand away and grabs one of the many knives attached to the soldier's combat vest.
He raises the knife, bringing it down as hard as he can, feeling it enter through the jacket and into the chest, scraping against ribs and piercing the side of the lung as it enters into the heart.
He rips it out and shoves the soldier away from him. He watches as the soldier drops to his knees, hands hanging limply at his side as he looks up at Steve.
He reaches up and touches the blood pouring out of his chest. His fingers come away crimson and he looks at Steve, standing there panting from exertion.
The voice that speaks is brittle and wheezing from the blood entering his lungs, "Steve?"
Steve freezes, the knife clattering to the ground, he knows that voice. He lurches forward and drops to his knees in front of the soldier. He wipes the sweat soaked strands away from his face and they lock eyes. Steve's breath hitches. It can't be.
He reaches up and rips the mask of his face, revealing the face of his best friend.
"Bucky?"
Bucky looks at him with sad eyes that seem to be glazing over. "Yeah, Stevie, it's me." He slumps forward, his head landing on Steve's shoulder. Steve chokes and grasps his friend's shoulders, shaking him.
"Bucky? No, Buck! Stay with me! Oh my g—" He sobs and his lungs refuse to take in hair. He chokes and gasps, laying Bucky down vertically and pressing his hands against the gaping wound in his chest. "Bucky, please! No, Bucky, stay with me. I'm right here, I'm so sorry, I didn't know, I'm so sorry! I—" he sobs and stays kneeling there, putting pressure on the wound as he watches the life fade from his friends eyes. When he feels and hears the last stuttering beat of his best friend's heart he lifts Bucky up, clutching him to his chest, shaking him and crying, begging him.
"Come back, please, I'm sorry, come back!" He stays there for a moment before hearing footsteps. He looks up to see Alexandra Pierce standing there watching them.
"Captain Rogers, did you just kill Sergeant Barnes?"
"No I—" he grasps the back of Bucky's combat vest, not letting him go, "I didn't know it was him! I wouldn't have—"
"Didn't know what? That he's been suffering under the hands of Hydra for over 60 years? That because you let him fall off that train, he was captured and brainwashed, and being used as an attack dog all while you slept in the ice or made yourself feel all heroic working with the avengers?"
Steve can only screw his eyes shut and clutch the still warm body in his arms. He can feel Bucky's blood seeping into the front of his shirt, still hot. He's rocking back and forth, unable to do anything else. But Pierce doesn't stop.
"You let your best friend be tortured for almost 70 years and then you kill him for it? Just because he was just following the only orders he knew? For shame, Captain. For shame."
They try to take Bucky's body out of his arms but he shoves them away and clutches it protectively.
"Come now, Captain Rogers. You think your friend would want you holding him, when you're the one who killed him? You think you deserve to even touch him after what you've done?
Steve's eyes are anguished as he lets Rumlow and another agent take Bucky's body out of his arms.
He stays there kneeling, frozen in place as the blood on his shirt dries, leaving goosebumps on his skin.
—
Bucky's face mirrors Steve's when the memory finishes. Absolute devastation and anguish, which are heightened by the sound of Steve grieving. His sobs are only broken up by the wheezing he has to do in order to pull in enough air. Beck stands there impassively, watching the man in front of him suffer.
Tony closes his eyes, shoving his face into the crook of his arm. While Clint stands up and starts shouting at them that they can't allow this to continue.
"This man is a complete psychopath and he's beating us! What are we doing, we need to get Steve RIGHT NOW. Get off your asses, and let's go, I don't care if we have to search every inch of this damn planet we are going to find him and bring him home, or I swear I'll—" He slams his fist on the table and something clatters to the ground but stops as his eyes are drawn back towards the screen. The rest of them whip their heads back around as they hear Beck speak.
"Steve, I think we're done with this machine. So, I'm going to let you sit on that memory for a bit. We'll pick this back up tomorrow with some new tactics. Have a good night!"
He leaves and they watch as Steve shivers, his shirt soaked in sweat, face pale and dark circles under his eyes. The tears don't stop but the sobs quiet down until he's just sitting in the chair staring blankly and blinking slowly, the tears trickling down into the sides of his hair.
—-
But Beck doesn't show up the next morning. And Steve is left to sit in the chair for hours on end as they wait to find out what's happening.
It's not until two technicians they've never seen before enter the frame, that they get a clue.
"Geez, it's freezing out there, how is it possible to get over 8 inches of snow overnight?" The first technician is talking as he digs through his toolbox.
"I dunno, but I told them the breakers outside aren't meant to sustain so much energy. You know the kind of power this thing requires? Unbelievable."
"I still say someone messed with it, it just seem—"
The picture cuts off and a brief: Standby for Technical Issues screen pops up before going black.
Bucky is standing up, clutching at his chest.
"Stark." He rasps. "Where has it snowed in the last day? 8 inches of snow? Huge energy pulls?"
There's a mad scramble and Tony is shouting.
"FRIDAY! Weather report, where has it snowed 8 inches in the last 24 hours?"
She only takes a minute to respond. "In the United States, boss?"
"I guess it's a good idea to start there."
"South Bend, Indiana; Providence, Rhodesia Island; Great Falls, Montana—"
"That's it!" Tony crows. "We've gotten a ping from Montana before! He must be bouncing it off all the towers, but he can't avoid bouncing it off the right one! Check any area that has had a huge increase in power consumption!"
She's calculating and uploading the results to the Quinjet as they scramble, leaving the tablet behind.
The flight only takes about 3 hours by the quinjet but it's enough to set their nerves on fire.
Bucky zips up his familiar black combat vest, and Natasha watches as he runs his fingers over the leather where the stab wound in the memory took place. The whole and unmarred leather makes Bucky close his eyes and take a deep breath. "He'll know it's not real." He says to no one in particular.
—
They land on a field covered in snow, the engined blowing it back and away from the jet as it descends. They're off the jet and running, following Tony who has the direction on his Heads Up Display.
They enter the older facility, trailing back and forth making sure they don't miss anyone, but their unease grows as they come across the first dead body.
Clint turns it over, revealing a man in standard tac gear, a headshot visible on his forehead.
The body count grows rapidly as the scour the building.
They split up as the silence around them continues.
Tony hears his comm crackle to life and Clint's voice comes over the speaker, flat and hard.
"Guys. 2nd floor, third door on your left."
They converge on his location and look on in shock at what Clint found.
Dr. Raymond, slumped against the wall, eyes half closed, with three bullet wounds clearly visible on her torso.
Natasha walks forward, checking her pulse and nods, "She's dead."
Bucky growls, slamming his fist against the wall.
"Keep searching." Natasha hisses. Disappearing out the door.
It only takes them only a few more minutes to search the rest of the facility but it's Tony that finds the room. He stands there, helmet opened, eyes wide and mouth agape at the sight in front of him. He must make some sort of call over the comms because he hears four sets of footsteps approach behind him and take in the scene.
Natasha gasps as Bruce groans. Clint lurches forward, checking the pulse of the body in front of them.
"He's dead." Clint snaps, glaring down at the dead body of Beck, neck bent at a wrong angle and propped up into the chair. "And Steve's gone."
—-
*A/N - Sorry about this oneee. Couldn't be meeeee