"—-I'll be there. Yes. Ready to go. Okay."

Bucky stands in his doorway. Able to hear Steve's phone conversation without Steve hearing his heartbeat too close. He hears Steve shuffling around in his room and then exit into the hallway. He doesn't wait, he steps out.

"Where you off to?"

Steve doesn't turn around, his shoulders tense. "I have another mission. Ross says it won't take long. I'll be home before tomorrow."

"Can I come with you?" He hesitates, "Or.. if you don't want me, can one of the others go with you?"

This makes Steve stop. He turns to face Bucky with a puzzled expression, "why wouldn't I want you to go?"

Bucky swallows, glancing at the floor. "Because you haven't wanted to be around me much lately." He glances up to watch the pained expression cross Steve's face.

"No, Buck— I swear, that's not—" Steve drops the bag he's holding at his feet and steps forward, "I'm not avoiding you or anyone in particular, I'm just—-" he grimaces and scrubs his neck, "I'm just—- I'm not the best at dealing with this stuff. You know me, it's always been just to ignore it or punch it. I can't punch anything, so I'm just trying to figure it out."

"Yeah but you don't have to do it alone."

"You're one to talk." Steve retorts, his voice harsh. His response surprises both of them, Bucky steps back in surprise and Steve reaches towards him, his face a bit desperate, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that."

Bucky relaxes, "I know you didn't, Steve. It's fine. I know I didn't get help from you after the Triskelion, and I am sorry about that—"

"No." Steve snaps. "You don't have to apologize, you were trying to figure yourself out again, I understand. Of course I wished I could help, but it wasn't something I deserved or earned. I didn't have your trust, I know that now." Steve smiles sadly at him and steps back, grabbing his bag, "tell the others I'll be back soon."

"No, Steve, wait!" He calls but Steve just steps on the elevator and disappears. "Friday!"

"Yes, Sergeant Barnes?"

"Can you ask Tony if Ross cleared this mission with him or anyone?"

"Yes."

There's silence for a minute and Bucky walks up to the common room. It's empty and he hears Steve's motorcycle rev in the distance. He jogs to the window and sees the shrinking figure of Steve in the distance.

A door bangs open behind him and he turns, expecting Tony but seeing Natasha. "He's gone again?"

Bucky nods and Natasha huffs, crossing her arms. "Why didn't you stop him?"

Bucky seethes, "first of all, I did try to ask to join him, and second of all, when have I ever been able to force Steve to do anything! That—" he stabs at the window, "idiot has been the absolute most stubborn person on the face of the planet since I met him! Nothing I ever do will stop him from doing what he thinks is right. Nothing."

He glares at Natasha and her face drops, from angry to resigned, "I know, Barnes. I know. Sorry."

The elevator dings and Tony steps out, a deadpan expression. "Ross?" Is all he says.

"We assume so." Natasha says, eyeing Bucky.

"So what, we're just letting him do this now?" Tony huffs, his hands resting on his hips.

"What are our other options?"

"I don't know. First of all, lock him up until I see Zemo's head on a platter? Then give him a new identity and let him live in peace away from the snake in the grass that is Thaddeus Ross?"

"Tempting," Natasha almost gives a smile, "but you know Steve would never go for it."

"Punk."

"You got that right."

—

19 hours later Steve drives back onto the compound's ground and pulls into the garage. He disappears to his room, and comes out freshly showered and dressed.

Tony pretends he's not following his movement on the security footage like everyone else, but when Steve makes his way to the common room, and Tony follows soon after only to find everyone else already there, he has to roll his eyes at himself. Mother hens indeed.

"So." Clint starts, watching as Steve sets a pot of water to boil. "How was the mission?"

Steve tilts his head in thought, "I think it went well."

"And the mission was….?"

"Well, it's not finished. I'm working through the ranks of an underground fighting ring to take out a sleeper cell."

They look at him in surprise as he is chopping onions and rinsing spinach, not looking at them.

"You're telling me," Tony seethes, "that Ross has you fighting like a dog in a cage?"

Steve looks up at them confused, "Tony you watch boxing all the time. I've seen you box with Happy and Natasha. Natasha, you and I spar all the time, some with you, Bucky. This is no different."

"They know who you are?"

He laughs, "of course not, I doubt they'd give up their sleeper cell if they knew who I was."

"So…" Natasha tries, "who are you when you're there?"

Steve grimaces, "I uh, didn't pick my name. Ross did."

Bucky's eyes flash towards him. "And what did ol' Thaddeus choose for you?"

Steve's voice is barely audible when he says it, his eyes trained on the tomatoes in front of him, "Steven Carter."

"Wow." Tony snaps. "What an asshole."

Steve laughs, a bit shaky, but he laughs and the rest of the group starts sharing their hearty disgust at Ross and his antics.

—

Steve has just left for his 6th solo mission, when Natasha walks down into the lab. Tony notices her, but waits for her to speak, he knows she will when she decides to.

As he's tinkering with his newest design for Clint's bow when he shifts and jolts in surprise as she's right behind his ear.

"Geeez." He shouts, lurching to the side. She laughs and he frowns, "can I help you with something, Natasha?" He drips her name with sarcasm and she sets herself up on his lab table, drawing her legs so her chin resides on her knee.

"Can I borrow one of your planes?"

He narrows his eyes at her. "For what?"

"Just gotta get somewhere."

Her cryptic answer has him speaking, "Friday?"

"Yes, boss?"

"Lock down absolutely all aircraft and vehicles. Protocol Spider's Web."

"Yes, boss."

"What the hell is that?" Natasha growls.

"It's a protocol I made after the incident with you allowing Steve and Barnes to get away in Germany. No one has access to the controls or can power up a machine without my permission, and I made it specifically to counter against your hacking skills." He looks up at her as she frowns at him.

"You're still mad about that?"

He rolls his eyes, "more like I've learned from it. You're not to be trusted—" he scoffs at her indignation, "you know what I mean."

"Fine." She huffs, hopping down and striding away from him.

"Just— uh, just outta curiosity." He calls after her, "where are you trying to go?"

Her face turns just slightly, and he sees a mischievous smile on her lips, "oh, you know… just an underground fighting ring. I've got a bet on one of the fighters but hey, you won't let me go, soo…"

Tony's on his feet, "what! You found it? How? Where is it?"

She shakes her head, "I'm not giving any information away until I'm on a plane."

He groans and glares at her. "Fine. Tell Barnes and Barton too, they'll kill us if we don't take them. Disguises. Good ones. Ask Bruce if he's okay staying back. Probably should, don't want a code green on accident. Meet me in the hangar in 25 minutes. Go."

—

The plane is coasting over the ocean when Natasha finally tells her story. "Truthfully, I just asked Steve what the plane food was like, if he was getting enough to eat on these missions. Of course, Steve was trying to reassure me that he was fine, and by doing so he even described one of the meals he'd eaten. Even though it's not technically Shield, I've flown enough missions on the quinjets to recognize suppliers and what flights get what meals. So it was easy to narrow it down and then when it was between Madripoor and somewhere in Malaysia, I started reaching out to my slimier contacts to find out where there are illegal matches within the time he's supposed to be gone and bingo. Madripoor."

Clint nodded in appreciation and Tony grinned as he set the plane down on a deserted field far outside the city. "Barnes?"

They look at Bucky who is tense as a wire. "I've been here before. Me coming back… not so great, but I'll just stay under the radar, it should be fine."

"You've been here before as…?"

"Yep."

"Great."

"Yep."

—

Natasha's red hair is tucked neatly into a black wig that flows down her shoulders in curls. Her rock band shirt is cut in interesting places and her ripped jean shorts are accentuated by the knee high boots she's wearing. She's applying thick eyeliner and Tony rolls his eyes as he puts on a hat, and leaves a flannel shirt unbuttoned, hanging open over a plain white tee, and cargo pants.

"Good look on you, Stark." Clint says, trying to withhold a laugh.

"Cram it, Barton, your get up is not better."

Clint is wearing skinny jeans, with a button up and tie around his neck, hair gelled to the side and his eyes obscured by sunglasses. But no one looks more uncomfortable than Bucky. Who stands it's his hair freshly cut and styled to the side. A well-tailored three piece black suit, with silk lapels and a black undershirt stretches tightly across his muscles.

"Is this really necessary?" He asks, fidgeting with his cuffs, "I haven't worn a suit since…" He glances over at Natasha who is staring at him appreciatively, he frowns, "I thought we were supposed to be undercover."

"You are, Barnes." Clint says grinning, "You look nothing like the Winter Soldier, and the style's too updated to remind people of the famous war hero, Bucky Barnes. You'll hide in plain sight." Bucky grimaces at his words and tugs on his tie.

"Can we just get going?"

"You heard the Sergeant." Tony orders, "head out."

—

After a few cab rides that none of them would ever like to repeat, they pull up to what looks like a mostly abandoned skyscraper. They file out and head inside, getting a few glances from people but none too interested.

Natasha walks away from them and stops in front of an elevator that has a huge guard in front of it.

The behemoth of a man asks her a question and Natasha smiles at the man, leaning forward and motioning him to come closer. He obliges and she whispers something in his ear. She then points backwards at Bucky. The man raises an eyebrow and nods quickly, stepping aside. Natasha waves them over and they step into the elevator. They stay quiet through the ride, but once they step out into the screaming arena, Tony turns to Natasha and grabs her arm, pulling her close so she can hear in over the din, "Whad'ya tell Andre the Giant back there?"

She smiles and motions to Bucky. "You think I picked that suit by accident?" They walk to a set of empty seats, staring at the huge caged arena. "He looks exactly like one of The Hand's higher ups, and that's all anyone needs around here to get access. When Barnes first shot me in Odessa, I actually followed that lead and thought I'd found him, but they just looked eerily similar." She looks at Barnes. "I've been keeping that one close to the chest for over 10 years. Glad it finally came in handy."

He glances at her and frowns. "Sorry I shot you."

"Eh," she shrugs, "makes a good story, and I got to hear Steve flirt with me over it, so all-in-all not too bad."

Clint chokes, "he what?"

She smiles, "wellll, it wasn't really him flirting." She glances at them and launches into the story of when they were chasing Bucky around DC after he shot Fury, and how the confrontation in the hospital went, "then he looked at me seriously and said 'yeah, I'm sure you look terrible in them now" and I swear even though I'd never seen him so serious, there was a hint of flirtation there."

The lights dim and they glance up, an announcer walks out on stage.

"Ladies and gentleman!" Comes the booming voice over the microphone, "are you ready for the blood bath!" Cheers and screams fill the air and Bucky winces.

"I hope Steve has his dampeners in." He mutters.

"Do you?"

"No," Bucky says, his voice like flint, "I almost never do, I don't like to not be able to hear around me."

"Isn't this painful?"

"Yes."

"Then why—"

"My eardrums will heal, It's fine. I'd rather hear everything."

"You and Steve are two of a kind." Tony mumbles, tugging his flannel around him. "Why's it so cold in here?"

"Alright!" The announcer shouts, "Place your final bets and let's get this thing started. Sudden death rounds. Winner moves on to our next event! Location to be disclosed if your fighter proceeds!"

Natasha's out of her seat in a second, and they turn to watch her go, but she slips through the crowd. When she returns she has 8 betting slips. "Here." She says, stuffing two into each of their hands. "I don't know his fighter name, so I bet on all of them."

"The flying fang?" Tony asks in disbelief at the ticket in his hand, "You really think he'd go for a name like the flying fang?."

Natasha glares at him, "I doubt Ross let him pick his fighter name, Stark."

"True."

They watched the first match, Thunderbolt vs. OpenFire, with genuine disgust as it was a no holds barred fight.

"Geez." Barton breathes out as Thunderbolt is dragged off the mat unconscious, a trail of blood behind him. "That's the first round?"

"Well, now we know why he wanted Steve." Natasha says with steel in her tone, "it's what I'm built for." She spat, replicating Steve's words from after his first mission.

The next two fighters enter the ring.

—-

"Of course he's in the last stupid round." Bucky grouses, hunched in his seat, glaring at the announcer as he walks back on stage.

"Alright, we've come to our last round! The winner of this fight will proceed with the other three winners to our next event. Hold onto your betting tickets You only have one more minute to place your bets on this round. It's the round you've all been waiting for!" There's cheers and shouting and general mayhem as the announcer flashes a greasy smile. "That's right ladies and gentlemen, it's our reigning champion against the surprise newcomer! Titan vs. Sentry!"

He waves at the entry ways and they hold their collective breath. Titan steps out first, his olive toned skin gleaming under the floodlights. His long black hair is braided down his back and he cracks his knuckles as he steps into the circle.

The crowd starts cheering "Sentry, Sentry, Sentry!" And they look at each other in surprise. Then they see him. First they notice that he's shirtless, athletic pants resting on his hips and his feet are bare. His hair has been painted gray, perfectly creating a silver look that makes him appear older and more distinguished. But what really causes them to freeze is the blindfold tied around his eyes.

"Oh for the love of—" Bucky starts, but is cut off as the crowd is screaming around him.

The announcer is grinning like a madman and motions Steve forward. Even without his sight, he must know what to do because he steps forward and joins the announcer at the circle. He extends his hand and his opponent, Titan, shakes it, squeezing with all his might, but Steve just smiles.

They step back and the announcer screams one last time, "Let the bloodbath begin!"

—

They can't look away. It's only been three minutes but it's vicious and brutal, and they're surprised by how little it seems that Steve is holding back.

Using only his hearing, Steve moves, jumps, and ducks like a trained fighter, using moves he learned from Natasha or when sparring Bucky. They watch him leap up, landing a knee against Titan's chest, throwing him back against the cage walls and crumpling like a rag doll. He stands there, barely panting, as he waits in a defensive crouch. Titan pulls himself up and stares at Steve with a murderous gaze. Steve must hear something because he grins, a cocky smug grin that they haven't seen since the memory of him back with the commandos. Something about it makes their blood run cold.

Titan leaps up, charging him and Steve dodges, grabbing at his opponent's arm and throws him up in the air, making it seem like he weighs nothing. As Titan falls back to the ground, Steve jumps, spinning in the air and kicks, his heel making contact with Titan's jaw. A cracking sound is heard throughout the arena and Titan slumps to the floor, his jaw hanging at an odd angle.

The bell is rung, not even a full 5 minutes into the fight, and the announcer is grabbing Steve's hand and raising it to declare him the winner. Everyone around them is shouting and screaming and they just sit there, shocked open mouth expressions on each one of their faces.

—-

They collect their winnings in hopes they'll get the info about the next fight, but all they are instructed to do is leave a cell number and they'll be informed in due time.

Tony writes down a number he has connected to Friday that can't be traced and they walk out of the surrounding arena and up the elevator in a sort of daze.

The plane ride back is equally as silent.

—-

Steve doesn't show up til the next day, his hair back to blond, and face calm.

He's almost cheery and it makes them even more on edge as before he'd left for this last fight, he'd watched the memories of himself being captured and tortured over and over with the commandos just in the last memory session and he'd been relatively quiet ever since.

"How'd the mission go?" Clint asks, perched on one of the kitchen stools and Steve starts making a smoothie. "You seem chipper…"

"Oh, yeah." Steve says absently, "it went well, I'm almost to the round I need to be at to get to my contact so I can take out the sleeper cell."

"Oh yeah?" Clint responds, a little bit of disbelief in the sound of his voice. "Are you going easy on your opponents?"

Steve looks at him, a bemused smile on his face, "Clint, you know me, what do you think?" He goes back to making his smoothie and the answer leaves Clint wondering what the hell he says to that.

—

"Okay," Bucky says, his hands scraping down the front of his jeans. "I never got to finish this memory, so I think it's time you saw it." He glances at Steve, a weighted look that Steve seems confused at, but the man in question just shrugs and gestures for him to continue. "Just remember that this wasn't you. You were… not yourself at this time.. okay?"

Steve's look of concern is palpable as Bucky closes his eyes.

The group watches as the howling commandos appear in front of them.

—-

Okay," Steve says, a cigarette hanging from his lips, "I don't want anyone on their own. Pairs or more. No exceptions. I'll be taking lead, and scoping out the base. I don't want any surprises. Barnes and Jones will be working at lookout. Radio out if we need assistance. Dugan and Denier, stay close but wrap around the west side. Monty and Morita, I want the basement locked down. No one in or out."

"I thought you just said no one alone." Bucky snaps.

The Steve in the memory glares at his second in command, "I did."

"But it sounds like you're on your own." Bucky says sharply.

"I'm the Captain. I can handle it." It's a dismissal, more sharp than when Steve and Bucky usually disagreed on a plan, "you want to challenge my authority again?"

The commandos tense, all of them struck by how unusual it was to have Steve pull rank. He never did that. Bucky grits his teeth. "No, sir."

"Good. Move out."

Jones watches Bucky warily as they make their way to the lookout point. They settle in, finding good cover and set to wait.

"So." Jones starts, "How are you doing?" Bucky glares at him and the man shrugs, "Listen, we all know this is harder on you than it is on us, by far, but don't think we aren't affected by it."

Bucky finds himself sighing. He knows Jones is right. "You guys have known Steve for what, just over a year?" Jones nods, "And I've known him since before the kid could write his name. Hell, since before I could write my name. Seeing this… tin can soldier is like staring at some science fiction character that I've had nightmares about. It's just not the Steve I knew."

Jones looks surprised by the admission. "What are you gunna do if… if he never really comes back to us?"

"What do you mean what am I going to do?" Bucky hisses, "the man saved my life after Azzano, and took almost two days of torture, two days of being dead, and countless other shit for me on these missions. I think I can deal with him being kind of a jerk for the rest of our lives." Bucky registers his rifle, the metal sound muffled by the snow, he glares through the scope on his rifle and waits.

—-

The scene fast forwards as they make it back to camp. Steve sits around the fire with other soldiers, laughing and talking. He's smoking again and Bucky watches as Steve takes a pull from a soldiers canteen. Steve winces at the strong alcohol and passes the canteen around. Bucky sits on one of the logs, trying not to seem like he's just there to watch Steve. After a couple hours, Steve is staring at the canteen in his hands and takes another long pull. He passes it again and seems to be waiting for something.

Something about it rattles in Bucky's brain. But he doesn't know what.

—

A fight breaks out. Bucky hears the shouts and sound of fists making contact with flesh and his years of growing up around Steve have him running. He slides to a stop around the crowd and squeezes his way through. Two men he doesn't recognize, newcomers in the last batch of recruits, are going out at it, throwing punches and grappling with each other.

"Hey!" Bucky shouts, looking around to see he's the highest ranking officer in sight, "break it up!" He steps forward and tries to pull them apart only to receive a fist to the face, he stumbles back, more out of surprise than pain and he grinds his teeth. "Hey! You idiots, stop squabbling like a bunch of hens!" He steps forward and yanks the collar of one of them, sending him reeling back into the crowd of bystanders. He glares at the other soldier and is about to yell at him to stand down when the kid comes at him swinging. Bucky raises his fists to block his strike but a yelp sounds first and the hit never comes.

He raises his head and his eyes widen at the sight. Steve stands a foot away, hand grasping around the soldier's collar and holding him in place, with a fear inducing furious gaze on his face. The din around them grows quiet at Steve's sudden appearance and the crowd takes a jilted step back.

Steve's voice is gravely, "what in hell is going on?" He asks the soldier in his grasp, then he looks up and notices Bucky. His eyes widen, then narrow again. He shakes the soldier, who's starting to try to yank his arm free.

"Steve," Bucky says, "let him go."

"Did you do that?" Steve snaps, his free hand pointing at Bucky. "Did you hit him?" He uses the pressure of holding his arm to push the soldier forward, his feet scraping the ground as he stumbles forward under the force, shoving the soldier at Bucky, "Did you hit him?"

The vehemence in the question is frightening and the soldier is struggling to free himself from Steve's grasp, but Steve just holds tighter. "Let me go!" The man cries out and Steve pushes the man into the dirt. Stepping on his chest with one boot and holding him down under his weight and strength.

"Steve!" Bucky shouts, grasping Steve's arm and trying to pull him away. But it's like trying to move a brick wall. "Let him go. Steve. STEVE. Let him go."

Steve's eyes land on Bucky's and his eyes narrow. "You've been hit in the eye." He pushes down harder on the man's chest. "You hit my sharpshooter in the eye."

"I didn't mean to." The man gasps, "I didn't know!"

Steve's boot presses harder and a snap is heard as some of the soldier's ribs crack. The man screams out and Steve's face stays impassive.

"Oops." Steve says flatly, "I didn't mean to."

"Stop!" Bucky says, shoving Steve now with more force than he would usually show, "Steve, I'm fine! Let him go, what? Are you just going to kill him? Huh? Let him GO."

The boot moves, settling back on the ground but then Steve crouches down, staring the man in the face, the soldier's face is pinched and in pain as Steve speaks. "If you ever make a stupid mistake like then, you'll be returning home in a body bag. You understand?"

The man wisely nods and Steve scoffs.

"Get this man out of my sight. Now." His Captain's voice is heard throughout the crowd and there's a shuffle of movement and the man is gone. Being carried off to medical.

Bucky watches as Steve straightens up, brushing dust off his hands. He glances at Bucky. "You okay, Barnes?"

"Yeah, Steve, what the hell! You can't terrorize people like that, you could have killed him."

"He's a soldier. He could have killed you. We're all dangerous to each other. We can't allow behavior like that in our ranks."

"No, Steve I mean, you could have killed him."

"Why me?"

"What do you mean, why you. Steve you know wh—-" and then it hits him, like a brick to the face. Every questioning look Steve has given him when he's mentioned the serum. He doesn't know.

Steve has only ran by himself or with Bucky that first time who almost kept pace with him. And on the two missions they've been on since he's been cleared, the commandos didn't act like anything Steve did was abnormal… because nothing on those missions required any of Steve's unusual capabilities. "Nevermind." He chokes out. "Sorry, just be careful, okay?"

"You're telling me to be careful? You're the one with a shiner on your face."

Bucky just nods numbly and watches as Steve walks away.

—

Bucky finds Peggy with Howard, looking over some complicated mission briefings and weapons reports.

"He doesn't know."

Peggy looks up and her eyes widen in question at the bruise on his face. "Steve did that?"

"No, some idiot new recruit. Steve broke his ribs though." That makes Howard glance up.

"He broke some kids ribs?"

"Yep."

"He broke them protecting you?" The smile that appears on Howard's face confuses him.

"Uh, I guess?"

"That's great news!"

"Why?"

"He's remembering his protectiveness of you, that's great!"

"Not if he ends up murdering someone because of it!" Bucky snaps, ignoring the flare of hope that Howard's words do bring.

"He wouldn't—" Peggy starts.

"Like I just said, he doesn't know. About. The. Serum." They stare at home, not speaking, waiting for him to elaborate. "I tried to tell him to be more careful and he asked why. And it hit me that he's never had to use his abilities yet, he doesn't realize he's stronger, faster, or whatever! He could have killed that kid with his boot in an instant if he'd wanted to and he wouldn't have even had to try."

Peggy's eyes narrow at him. But Howard is starting to mumble to himself. Searching through papers and tossing things to the side. He picks up a notebook and turns back to them. "So you want me to explain it to him?" He waves the notebook, one Bucky now recognizes is one of Erskine's, and Bucky nods.

"I think he needs to know."

Howard agrees and takes off. Bucky's about to walk out of the tent when Peggy speaks, her voice calm. "Sergeant Barnes?"

"Yes, Agent Carter?"

"You and Captain Rogers ran together once."

It's not a question, it's a statement and Bucky curses himself for being stupid enough to have told her that story. She's too smart.

"We did."

"And you were there at the end to hear him laugh."

"Yes."

"Hmm."

"Anything else, Agent Carter." Bucky asks, his teeth clenched.

"No, Sergeant Barnes. That will be all."

—

They take a break. Water bottles and snacks make their way around and Steve pulls Bucky aside.

"You think Peggy knew?"

Bucky sighs, "I've always wondered if she'd guessed. After my two mistakes, the river one and the running one, I tried my absolute best to be extra careful in front of her. But she was a sharp one. I wouldn't be surprised if she knew more than she let on."

"Can't believe I almost crushed that guy." Steve says, guilt across his features. "I'm glad I didn't." Bucky grimaces and Steve freezes. "What? What is it?"

"Like I said, you weren't yourself."

"Bucky."

"Steve, you really weren't, you didn't know—" He looks down to see Steve clutching at his wrists.

"What don't I know?" Steve asks, his eyes anxious.

"There's just… a little bit more."

—

They sit back down and Bucky closes his eyes.

—-

Bucky and Peggy stand in the freezing rain, their eyes trained on Steve who sits on a med bed, refusing to lay down.

"Get it off." Steve growls at the nurse.

Bucky sighs at his treatment of the nurse, something Steve would never have done before. But she's been briefed on his disposition change and she seems to hold her ground.

"Captain Rogers, I can't remove it without ripping off your skin with it. Would you like me to do so?" She places her hands on her hips in a challenge and Steve frowns, falling silent.

Howard appears, huddled under his jacket he's holding over his head. "What the hell happened? Why are you staying out in the rain? Where's Ste—" his eyes flick up to the charred leather melted onto Steve's waist, thigh and across his chest and grimaces. "Oh, geez."

"Hydra blast that was ricocheting off the back side of his shield. No idea how they managed that one. Somehow it melted parts of his suit to his skin. The leather parts."

Howards groans. "Okay I'll see what I can do." He walks towards the med bay and the other two just stand there watching.

"You'll catch your death, Sergeant."

"I don't see you leaving, Agent."

She 'hmms' again and they watch as Howard pokes and prods gently at the brown leather holster straps that wrap around Steve's right thigh. The blue material of the pants is charred, but thankfully not melted.

"I need to take him to my lab." Howard says to the nurse. "Is he okay to walk?" Steve hops off the bed, pain across his face but he just strides past them towards the direction of Howard's lab. "Guess that's a yes." Howard huffs. He hurries after him and Bucky and Peggy follow.

"He shouldn't be going on missions." Bucky says for the thousandth time. "He's not careful enough, he's wild out there,"

"Phillips doesn't care." Peggy says, her tone annoyed, "I agree with you, but I don't exactly have a say."

They slip inside the tent and both Steve and Howard ignore them.

"I'm gonna need to reheat the leather, to try to get it to soften the same way…" he says slowly, "unless you wanna wait for the serum to heal it?"

"How long will that take?" Steve asks, his voice gruff.

"I dunno, never seen leather act like this. Those hydra weapons aren't made of normal stuff. Maybe a week?"

"No." Steve snaps. "I want it off now. Do the heating thing."

"You got it, Cap."

Howard's working at Steve's waist, trying to loosen the leather belt Steve is wearing off of his skin when it all goes wrong. A thunderclap, loud and close, has Steve flinching and covering his ears, causing Howard to accidentally jab him with the heating gun. Except it doesn't just burn him, it sparks off the metal buckle of Steve's belt and shocks him.

The anguished cry that leaves Steve's lips has everyone in the memory room flinching.

Bucky gasps to see Steve, clutching Howard's jaw in his massive palm and pressing him against the wooden table set up in the tent, fury and terror and anguish in his eyes. Howard's wide-eyed terrified and pained eyes are bulging in their sockets.

Peggy's lurching forward, and Bucky follows, trying to yank Steve's hand away, to no avail.

Steve throws them back, pushing Peggy out of the way and Bucky stumbles against a chair, sitting down on it heavily.

"Don't you ever—" Steve rasps, his face inches from Howards, "ever. Touch me again. Do you hear me?"

Howard can only barely nod in response, his face still crushed between Steve's fingers. Steve pushes him away, releasing his face and is gone in the next second. His uniform still a charred mess and the leather still stuck to his skin.

"Howard!" Peggy calls, striding over and helping stabilize the wobbly man. "Are you okay? Answer me! Are you okay?"

But he can't, he just leans there, his back bent over the table, his own hand covering his jaw where bruises are already forming, eyes still wide.

"Stark." Barnes says quickly, "I'm sorry, you gotta understand, he didn't mean it, he didn't. It's not you, it's the— it's—"

"You shocked him. Like the men in the room. He obviously remembers that on some base level." Peggy responds, her voice a bit shaky. "Are you okay?"

Howard's voice is a whisper when he finally speaks. "I've never been afraid of him. Never." His eyes flit to Barnes. "Even when you described him breaking that soldier's ribs. It didn't hit me. But now—" his face is still pale and his mustache askew, "we gotta figure a way to bring Steve back. Erskine was right. A big man with that much power and no conscience? Not a good combo."

Bucky bristles at Howard's description. "It's not that he doesn't have a conscience, Stark. His body took shock after shock. Even with his memory wiped, it couldn't take away that. You remember when he didn't speak for 20 days? Huh? How 'bout we not villainize the man who's been saving all our asses this past year!" Bucky shouts, his voice ratcheting up, "we'd all be dead! We'd all be dead if Steve hadn't been willing to sacrifice himself over and over! If he hadn't taken every tough hit, or hell, if he hadn't come and pulled all us commandos out of that factory and seen the map of bases!" He stabs a finger at Howard. "You find a solution for his burns. And when you have it, bring it to me. Peggy?" He turns to her. "Tell Phillips that he's not going on tonight's mission." He turns and exits before either of them can protest.

—-

"Geez." He hears Steve breathe out. He opens his eyes, glancing over to see Steve's head in his hands.

"It wasn't you, Stevie. Remember that." He whispers as the next memory starts.

They were surrounded by tanks, and heavy artillery fire.

"Get back!" Steve shouts, his shield clanging as another round blasts against it. "Fall back! Get to cover!" The commandos attempt to do so, scrambling over bricks and beams and rubble, assuming Steve is following right behind them.

A Hydra soldier ducks out from under a crumbling wall and shoots at Steve. He pulls up his shield in time, and the bullet pings off of it. They begin close quarter hand to hand, and Steve doesn't pay attention to the other Hydra against closing in.

Bucky has just crested to the top of the roof when he turns back around at the number of heartbeats increasing steadily. His confusion turns to shock at the 50 Hydra soldiers surrounding Steve. "Stop!" He cries out to the other commandos who are further away than he is, "It's a trap for Steve!" He glances back down the wall where he'd just climbed. A bullet whizzes past his ear and he ducks.

Morita makes it back first. "What's going on?"

"Somehow they cornered Steve down there and I was about to climb down but they started shooting." He glances back over the edge of the rooftop and another bullet zings by. "Shit!" He ducks back down and Morita grimaces. They can hear the fighting, and when they hear a gunshot followed by a guttural roar that's definitely Steve, Bucky shouts, "to hell with it!" And leaps up, ready to jump off the roof, and let his commandos know what he's been hiding. Only to get shot in the shoulder immediately. He grabs at his shoulder ins surprise and stands there. Another bullet hits him and only then does someone tackle him from behind. He groans under the weight and clutches at the wound in his shoulder and the graze on his neck.

"Barnes!" Dugan shouts, shifting himself off the sergeant, "are you trying to get yourself killed?"

"Steve—" is all Bucky can manage to say, he tries to sit up, but they push him down.

"We'll get the Cap, Barnes." Jones says, his hand taking Bucky's rifle. They're already tired and grimy from the first part of the mission, but they look ready to charge into the fight again. Before they can, another roar fills the air, but this time it's followed by the terrified screams of men running and scattering. A sickening series of thuds and cracks and then an earth shattering boom as the whole rooftop shakes, sending dust and debris and even a chunk of the ceiling far to their left down below them.

There's the sound of more fighting, and what can only be described as crunching noises. Denier scuttles to the edge of the roof, peering his dark eyes over the edge. When no bullet is forthcoming, he raises his head over and his eyes widen. He scrambles back away from the wall, stumbling over Monty and falling backwards. His response has them surprised and Dugan peeks over the wall. He hauls Bucky up, ignoring his shout of pain and holds him where he can watch as Steve is systematically grabbing Hydra agents one by one and snapping their necks. He's bleeding out of at least 6 or 7 gunshot wounds, but he doesn't even seem to register them.

"The wall." Morita says, pointing. Bucky follows his finger and Steve notices that one of the walls that had been still standing in the little french village was now toppled over, 20 hydra agents bodies crushed beneath it. "He pulled it down." Morita gasps, realization hitting him.

"We don't know that." Jones says, but his voice has no conviction.

Bucky watches as the last few hydra agents are ganging up and fighting against Steve, 6 to 1. Steve uses his shield like an axe, hacking his way through the first agent, slamming him to the ground so hard Bucky can see brain spilling out from his skull. The second and third agents get a kick to the chest and a shield to the face in that order. Neither get up.

Steve ducks the bullet shot at him by the fourth guard. Charging forward, and slamming into him. He grabs the gun and pistol whips the man across the temple, blood and skull splattering across Steve's uniform from the force of it. Steve jolts as another bullet enters his body, striking his side. He growls and turns to face the last two agents. He tosses the gun in his hands away and stands defensively facing them.

He jumps forward, ducking another bullet and slicing against the mans shins with his shield. The man tumbles to the ground and Steve lifts his boot, stomping down on the man's neck with a sickening crunch. The 6th guard turns to flee and Steve slings his shield into his back, sprawling him forward onto the ground.

The man, flips over and begins scrambling back on his elbows and pushing away with his feet.

"I surrender!" The man shouts in accented English. "I surrender!"

Steve grabs the man by the jaw and is about to twist his neck when Bucky jolts out of his frozen state and shouts, "STEVE! Don't! He surrendered!"

Steve's eyes find them on the rooftop and his face is blazing with fire and the fight. He looks at the man in his hands and speaks in German. "Nur ein Feigling gibt auf, wenn er noch kämpfen kann."

His eyes look back up to Bucky's, keeping his gaze as he yanks the man's head sideways, snapping his neck. Steve lets the body crumple to the ground and looks around. 50 or more dead Hydra agents lay around him. He wipes at his face, smearing dirt and grime and begins collecting weapons and supplies.

Bucky looks at the commandos, their shock and surprise mirrored on his face. "What the bloody hell just happened?" Monty whispers.

Bucky uses his good arm to pull himself over the ledge, "Sergeant!" Dugan shouts, "wait!" But he ignores him. Sliding down the wall, scraping the hell out of his fingers as he slows his descent, grabbing at splintered window frames and cracked bricks. His feet touch the ground and he stumbles, just barely catching himself on an overturned cart. He spins and finds Steve, throwing the weapons he's collecting into a pile. He can hear the commandos following him but he doesn't stop. He sprints over, tugging on Steve's uniform sleeve.

"Stop Steve, Stop. Look at me!" The soldier turns to him, impassive eyes looking back.

"Barnes." Steve says, eyeing his shoulder. "You've been shot. Are you going to be okay?"

Bucky's throat chokes out a disbelieving scoff. "Would you look at yourself? You look like a piece of Swiss cheese with all the holes in you!"

"Howard told me the serum can heal these things in no time. I'll be fine." He goes back to hauling weapons when Bucky shoves him violently.

"Steve, I swear if you don't stop for one damn second!"

Steve looks at him confused, "What is your problem, Barnes?"

"My problem, Captain. Is that when you were surrounded by 50 plus Hydra goons, you dind't even try to signal us for help!"

"I was busy, Barnes." Steve snaps. But Bucky doesn't stop.

"And then, you decide that instead of retreating that you're going to just take them all on? By yourself?"

Steve looks around, gesturing widely with his hands. "Looks like that was a fine idea."

Bucky pulls back, "did you pull that wall down?"

"Yes."

"On purpose?"

"Yes, Barnes. Easier to crush them than to fight them all."

And it's sickening because Steve's right. And Bucky has never really cared about Hydra lives before. But something about the way Steve just killed them methodically makes him sick. Because it's so unlike Steve to kill— no massacre— people like that.

"What did you say to him in German. And when the hell did you learn German?"

Jones speaks up, "he said, 'only a coward surrenders when he can still fight'. And I've been teaching him German. He asked a few days ago…"

Bucky gapes at Steve. "He surrendered, Steve! We're not Schmidt, we're not Nazi's! We take prisoners, and we don't kill just because we can!"

"If you don't like my leadership or my methods you are free to transfer to another team, Barnes." He turns his back on them and begins hauling weapons again. Leaving every single commando in shocked silence.

—

He's about to begin the next memory when he feels a hand on his knee. He opens his eyes to see Natasha there, her eyes anxious. She glances at Steve who's sitting, head back in his hands. Except this time Bucky notices the drips that are escaping between his fingers.

"Steve." Bucky rasps, out of his seat and kneeling in front of his friend. Natasha slides over too and he can feel the others coming closer. "Steve, look at me, it's not your fault. You weren't you."

"I killed them."

"You didn't." Bucky says desperately, "isn't that what you were trying to tell me about the Winter Soldier? It wasn't your fault!

"Those times were different. I wasn't brainwashed." His voice is watery and he's mumbling, his face covered by his hands "—had no choice the other times." Then he starts speaking louder, anger and sadness coloring his voice, "But I did have a choice then. And I chose to massacre them! I pulled a wall Bucky! I crushed men with a wall! And I did it happily! Then you saw me, snapping and stepping on necks as if those men were just nothing. I can't believe I—" He chokes off, scrubbing at his wet eyes with his palms.

"You were at war with no bearings, and you did what you thought was needed to protect your team and fight. I promise—"

"When do I come back?" He cuts Bucky off, his eyes red as he lifts them to the group, "when do I remember who I am?"

"We're close!" Bucky says encouragingly, "we're actually really, really close. Can I show you? I think it will help you feel better." He looks at the group and they nod but Natasha is staring at Steve, her eyes on his face and something Bucky doesn't understand written across her expression.

But she blinks and it's gone, and Bucky watches as she slides back to her seat. He looks at Steve who is looking at the ground. "Steve? Can I show you?"

Steve nods morosely and covers his eyes again. Bucky pulls his chair even closer to Steve's, he closes his eyes and they sink back into the memory.

—

*A/N - Thank you for your hilarious/kind/funny comments/messages! They do really make the writing experience better! Thank you!