"Umm…" Bucky says, opening his eyes again and wincing, "I forgot… there's something… just… one more thing, then it starts to change, I promise."

A look of panic crosses Steve's face but Bucky doesn't let himself give in. Closing his eyes and pulling them into the memory.

The commandos are back out on a mission. Separated into two jeeps and driving through backroads and deserted villages to get to an old abandoned Nazi base where they've heard Hydra has tried to take it over, using it for their own purposes.

It's only been a week since the incident with the wall. It makes him furious at himself. It's war. Of course Steve would have to kill those men when they were trying to kill him. But it was so unlike Steve to do it so heartlessly. To do it with no remorse. And then.. the last soldier.. the one who surrendered… none of the commandos had mentioned that in their reports. Bucky had almost lost it when Steve had looked Phillips in the eye and said, "the very last soldier tried to surrender but I didn't let him."

Phillips' eyebrows had raised at him. "What do you mean, Captain?"

"Just like I said. He was the last soldier. He saw the fate that had become his comrades so he tried to take the cowards way out and surrender. I didn't let him."

"Didn't let him… how?"

"I snapped his neck, sir."

Bucky senses Peggy stiffen beside him and he holds his breath for Phillip's response.

"Captain Rogers. Under no circumstances are you to kill a soldier once they have surrendered. Do you understand? If that happens again, you will receive disciplinary action for disregarding the code of war. Do you understand?"

"Yes, sir." Steve says flatly.

"get out of my sight, Rogers."

Steve salutes and disappears. Bucky's about to follow suit when Phillips barks his name.

"BARNES."

Bucky winces and turns back to face the general.

"Yes, sir?"

Phillips looks at him long and hard. Enough to make Bucky feel like an ant under a boot.

"I may not have agreed with Erskine originally..." Phillips starts, his eyes on Peggy now. "But I can see… I can… understand, now, why he chose Rogers. A man with that much power and no conscience or regard for his fellow man is a ticking time bomb waiting to go off. Rogers is not himself—" he holds up a hand at both Bucky and Peggy who have opened their mouths to speak in protest, "I know. I understand why. I saw his hanging body too. But… killing soldiers who have surrendered? That's.. a court martial. An ugly one. I'm not going to. I—-" he stares down at the stack of reports from the commandos, "I know the very specific and special circumstances that has led Rogers to act like this. But let me be clear. If this happens again? It must go to my superiors. Captain Rogers will be marked unfit for duty if it comes to light. You two knew him best. Figure it out. And if you don't think you can… warn me so I can pull him from the front lines before this happens again. Understood?"

Both of their jaws are tight as they respond in unison, "yes, sir."

—

The jeeps bounce along the dirt road and Bucky watches Steve driving out of the corner of his eye. Dugan and Jones were in the front seat of the other jeep and they were making good time.

Peggy had made him promise not to do anything rash on this next mission, "just try to reconnect with him." She'd instructed him, "he's in there somewhere. He has to be."

Bucky knew her last phrase was more of a hope than a truth, but it wasn't one he would fight her on.

"Captain Rogers?"

"Yeah, Barnes?"

"What… what do you remember? Is there anything you remember other than waking up a month and a half ago?"

Steve eyes him curiously. "It seems strange to say, but not really. It's like my brain is filled. My past doesn't feel empty… but it's like it's behind a locked door."

Bucky just nods.

"Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering. It would be terrifying to wake up and not know who you were. I want to offer whatever help I can. Whatever you want to know about yourself, I can tell you."

There's a strange glint in Steve's eye as he glances over. "You can? Why's that?"

Bucky knows he's mentioned they were friends. He had to have… he thinks back over the past few weeks. Did he? Oh geez.

"I've, uh- I've known you since we were kids. We grew up together in Brooklyn."

Something in Steve's mind clicks, "that's why you're always expecting me to act a certain way. The cigarettes… I get it now. I assume previous me acted differently?"

Bucky winces, "you could say that."

"Tell me something. What are my parents like?"

It's the first time Steve has shown interest in his past and it's the worst question he could have asked.

"Your dad? He died when you were little… and your mom? She was the best. Sweetest lady on the block. She always made the best lemonade."

Steve's quiet for a moment and Bucky knows he's picked up what Bucky was trying to subtly tell him. "Was?"

"Yeah… she died when we were teenagers."

"I got any other family?"

Bucky doesn't hesitate. "You've got me. And my ma and pa. Even when your ma was around you guys were part of our family. When we go home, you'll be a permanent member."

Steve looks at him, glancing back and forth between him and the road. "Thanks." There's a pause. "Do I have a home?"

Bucky laughs, "we have a rat hole of an apartment in a shitty part of Brooklyn. But with army pay we should be able to afford something better when we get back."

"We live together?"

"Yeah Steve. We did. We still can if you want, or maybe you'll have shacked up with Agent Carter and kicked me out by then."

He studies Steve's reaction. This had been part of the plan with Peggy. Try to surprise him into remembering stuff. Steve's eyebrows raise and he lets out a chuckle.

"Dame like that? She probably already has a man on the front."

"Yeah idiot, it's you."

Steve frowns and Bucky sighs. "Steve, she knew you back when you were scrawny as hell and thought the world of you then, she had her eye on you before you were a giant."

"Just how scrawny was I?"

"Oh man, you could count your ribs. You grew over a foot, and you used to not be able to run a block without wheezing."

"That's hard to believe."

"Seeing you this way is hard to believe!" Bucky laughs, trying to keep the mood light. He's ignoring the fact that Morita and Monty are clearly listening to their conversation from the back. "When you saved all us commandos from that factory I almost blew a gasket seeing you this way."

Steve's eyebrows furrow again, "I saved you… from a factory?"

Bucky's face pales and it hits him all over again just how much Steve is missing. "Yeah, Steve. All of us commandos, we were captured at the battle of Azzano and forced into work factories by Hydra. You found us there, all by yourself, against orders, and you saved our lives. The lives of over 400 men. You're a hero."

Bucky watches as Steve wrinkles his nose at the word. "That's not heroic. That's just doing what needs to be done."

Bucky hears a small scoff out of Monty and he knows Steve hears it too but neither comment. Bucky just smiles though because it is very like Steve to say such a thing.

—-

The battle was not going well. Bucky was up high, perched on a metal railing above the factory floor. Sniping and protecting as many of their team as he could. But Jones had already taken a knife to the arm and was bleeding profusely, Dugan was still fighting with a gunshot wound to the shoulder and Steve was fighting 10 men at once while protecting Jones.

Monty and Morita hadn't been seen in over 20 minutes and their walkies were dead air.

Bucky sniped a guy about to shoot at Steve's back and the man crumpled to the ground. A searing pain hit his leg and he doesn't have to look to know he's been shot. He sees the gunman far below him and quickly jolts out of the way as another bullet comes whizzing by. He resets his rifle to shoot back when a bullet grazes his knuckles causing him to cry out. He'll be told later that Steve heard the sound and reacted as if electrified. A roar sounds down below and Bucky doesn't have to look down to know it's Steve.

An increase in the shield's clanging has Bucky glancing down to see Steve slamming the shield against the face of a soldier. The man crumples and Steve slings the shield down again, caving his skull in.

"Captain." Dugan shouts, "he's down."

Steve doesn't hesitate, leaping up onto a railing and jumping over a huge piece of machinery, surprising a group of soldiers who were lying in wait. Steve rages through them, bowling them down one by one, moving like a wildcat as he dodges bullets and knives, slinging the shield with deadly accuracy.

"Barnes!" He hears Dugan shout, "you alright?"

"Yeah," he snaps back, cluuching his hand to his chest. "Where's Monty and Morita?"

Steve slams the shield into the stomach of a soldier who keels over immediately. "They're still not here?" He takes off, slamming through a metal door and disappearing beyond it.

Dugan and Denier take care of the last two remaining in the room and take after Steve. Bucky clambers down slowly, his hand aching from the deep graze. He makes it to Jones who looks pale and shaky. "Hit an artery, I think." He whispers, his hand pressing into the wound to keep pressure there.

"You're gunna be fine, Jones." Bucky swears. "Let's get you back to the jeep. We will tourniquet it as soon as possible."

The hobble outside, the sounds of gunshots echoing behind them. Bucky gets Jones situated in the jeep and goes running back to the fight, ignoring the throbbing in his leg. He knows it will heal.

The sight he comes to gives him nightmares.

Steve has two soldiers by the necks, one in each hand. Their faces are blue and Bucky can see the ease in which Steve is strangling the life out of them. His eyes fiery as he watches the light fade from their eyes. "Steve!" He hears Dugan says softly, "they're dead. Let 'em go."

Morita, appearing from behind Steve's left side, runs forward, "we fou—" he doesn't get to finish. Steve, so focused on the two in front of him, startles at the new additional voice and lashes out, grabbing Morita by the collar and tossing him into the giant metal machinery by the wall. Morita goes sailing, smashing into the metal and thudding to the ground, going still.

There's dead silence as they process what just happened and suddenly there is chaos. Bucky sprints towards Morita, sliding on his knees as he approaches.

"Morita, Morita!" He shouts and shakes the man, ignoring the blood on the man's arm from where he collided with the machine.

Dugan and Denier appear next to him, laying Morita flat and checking his body for any other obvious injuries. Bucky glances up to Steve, who stands frozen in the same place. Eyes wide in shock.

"Steve, what the hell!" Bucky shouts, "get one of the jeeps, NOW."

Steve takes off, gone in an instant.

Monty appears, standing at Morita's head and looking down. "What the bloody hell happened?" He snaps, "I thought we got rid of all the soldiers—"

"It was Cap." Dugan says sharply. "He—"

They look up at Monty's confused expression and then at each other.

"He's not himself." Denier says quietly.

Morita stirs and there's a sigh of relief as he blinks his eyes open. "Wow." Morita says groggily. "Remind me to never surprise Cap again."

No one laughs at the joke.

—-

"Sir." Bucky says, stepping forward as Peggy eyes him curiously.

"What is it, Barnes?" Phillips says gruffly.

"I'm requesting for Captain Rogers and I to be a two man team. You can use us like a scalpel with just the two of us against Hydra instead of the team."

Phillips' eyes narrow. "Now why would I do that? You're the most effective team I have."

"As Captain Rogers reported, he harmed one of our own in battle. Unintentional or not, it could have been worse. I don't want a repeat of that. Neither does he—"

"And if he hurts you on these little two man missions?"

"That's a risk I'm willing to take, sir."

Peggy steps forward. "Barnes, do you really think this wise? I know he's not… what we know. But he's still—"

"Still what, Agent Carter?" Bucky snaps. "I watched him kill a man who surrendered, strangle the life out of two soldiers without breaking a sweat, and then slam Morita against a machine so hard he has a concussion. On accident. He's… not Steve." Bucky clenches his teeth at his own words. "But." He starts to clarify, "I'm not giving up on him. He wouldn't on me. So that's why I'm requesting this. It's the least amount of damage if it's just us two."

The studying look Phillips gives him is returned in equal measure, unwilling to back down.

"I'll consider it."

"Thank you, sir." He says curtly, saluting and turning to exit the tent.

He steps out and practically stumbles over Dugan's feet.

"Dugan."

"Barnes." The crispness that he replies with is so unlike Dugan that Bucky knows immediately something's wrong.

"What is it?"

"You're not even going to ask us what we want?"

Bucky's blood runs cold. But he doesn't give in, striding away. "It's not up to you, Dugan."

"The hell it's not, Sergeant." He snaps back, "you don't get to cut us out." Bucky huffs still ignoring him as he keeps walking. He feels his collar get yanked back and he yelps in surprise. "You don't get to make this decision, Barnes!"

"I'm not, Phillips is," Bucky seethes, "let me go." But Dugan doesn't, dragging him backwards. Bucky shoves at him but Dugan keeps yanking him along. "Dugan, I swear—"

"Boys." Dugan shouts, calling the commandos to attention as he approaches their section of tents.

They gather immediately and Bucky crosses his arms, ready for the fight that's about to come.

"Sergeant here thinks it should be just him and Cap on a team. Leaving the rest of us behind."

Their eyes widen and Bucky huffs, "not like that," he says through clenched teeth, "it's safer for you guys if we go on alone."

They start to protest and Bucky feels all the anger and fear he's felt tumble out of him at once, "No! You guys don't get to argue! Morita, you could have been killed! Easily! Steve isn't safe to be around right now and I'm not going to let Steve be responsible for hurting you guys! If he ever comes back—" his voice cracks and he feels his heart rate skip, "he'd hate it if he knew, he'd—"

"No." Morita hisses. "No, you don't get to cut us out. We don't care if we get hurt, we're his team-"

"He'd care!" Bucky shouts, "don't you get it! He's not—" he grabs at his hair and stares at them, "I'm trying to protect him from doing something he can't take back. That he'd guilt himself over for forever! You know Steve, if he ever found out about the surrendering soldier he'd—"

"We're going." Dugan says in a voice deep and threatening. "I know what you're saying. I understand, but I don't agree. I know you've known him longest, but he took my place in that chamber too. He took the pain and the shocks that would have been for me and he did that as my Captain. So, I'm sorry, but I don't care what you say. I'm following him wherever he goes."

Morita grabs onto Monty's arm and pulls himself up shakily. "Me to. No way am I letting him take even more of the brunt of Hydra's attacks for me. He's done enough."

"We weren't there." Monty says quietly, motioning to the few who weren't captured, "but I know he would have taken our place if we had been. He's our Captain. We're sticking by his side."

Bucky tries one more time. "He'll hate himself if he lets anything happen to you guys."

"You think he'd survive if he hurt you?" Jones fires back, "you're more valuable to him than any of us. He didn't storm that factory for us. He did that for you. We just happened to be there. And we're nothing if not loyal. We're coming."

—-

Bucky feels arms on him, tugging him into a hug. He opens his eyes to see Steve's blonde head pressed against his chest, arms locked tightly around him. He returns the hug, looking up at the others who are watching with a range of expressions on their faces.

"We're close, pal." Bucky whispers. "We're close. I promise. I just… I'm not going to make the mistake of not telling you what happened."

Steve nods against him and releases him. Wiping at his eyes and looking up to find Bucky's. "I remember asking Morita where he got that scar on his arm. He laughed it off and said it was just him being dumb with one of his brothers."

He looks ashamed and Bucky looks at him strangely, then smiles, "Steve. Morita didn't have any blood brothers. He wasn't lying. You were one of his brothers. It was an accident."

Steve looks ashamed, "I hurt so many of you guys. Howard? That kid I stepped on? The soldier-" he breaks off, looking sick, "I can't believe I caused so much damage and don't remember any of it."

"We're almost there." Bucky reassured him. "Just a bit more." When Steve's shoulders sag and he nods Bucky closes his eyes once more.

—-

The commandos are sitting around a mess table, tired and quietly eating. They'd just returned from a two week mission that had them scaling cliffs and avoiding Hydra's new camouflaged grenades. Monty had accidentally tripped one, blowing up half the overhang they were hiding under and causing them to tumble 50 feet to the ground. Steve received a gash to the head, Denier has a twisted ankle and Morita has another concussion. The rest are just bruised and battered. And on top of that, they'd had to walk 23 miles back to their camp.

Usually after a mission, even one that had gone poorly, they were a rowdy group. Laughing, and joking and telling stories from home, causing mayhem and just generally being a bunch of goofs.

Then Steve forgot them.

It wasn't like he'd been the life of the party before he'd forgotten them, he usually would just sit there and laugh or roll his eyes at their antics. But he was there laughing and being their Captain.

Now… he usually ate quickly and left when he was done.

Except today.

Steve finishes his plate and instead of getting up and leaving, like he has for the past month and half, he folds his arms on the table and listens as Denier speaks to Jones quietly in French.

It takes the team a second to register it. That Steve isn't leaving. That he is listening. Jones eyes Bucky with a raised eyebrow and Bucky just sits there, waiting for the inevitable. For Steve to get up and disappear.

But he doesn't. He just keeps listening.

"I promise you that the best poets and music have come from France." Denier insists. "Nowhere else has the beauty of the French language."

Jones scoffs, "I can think of many Italian, English, and even American poets and music I'd rather listen to than French. The French are too stuffy."

Denier gasps, clutching at his chest as if wounded. Steve laughs, a deep chuckle that crinkles his eyes and he starts speaking back to them in French. The bandage above his left brow raising up and down as he speaks.

"He's right, Denier, even though I love some of the French masters, there is a definite stuffiness to some of their techniques in the art sector as well. Depending on the era of course."

Denier doesn't miss a beat and Bucky could hug him for it, because he starts arguing good-naturedly with Steve in French about art while the other commandos stare in shock at their Captain. Smiling and talking about art.

Bucky feels his heart clench at the sight. He watches in rapt attention as Jones collects himself enough to join back in.

There's a brief lull in conversation and Dugan leans forward. "Cap?" He asks, stealing Steve's attention. "When did you learn French?"

Steve looks at him puzzled, "what do you mean?"

"You're speaking French."

"Yeah?"

"You've never spoken it so fluently before. Didn't know you knew the language that well."

Steve just shrugs, and goes back to talking to Denier in rapid fire French. Jones looks at Steve with narrowed eyes and then butts into the conversation, speaking in German this time. Steve looks at him, and without missing a beat begins to respond to his question in German. Jones begins to laugh as he responds and Steve looks confused but keeps speaking. Suddenly Morita gets up from his spot and sits across Steve, cutting Jones off and speaking Japanese. Steve stops, looking at Morita, his head tilts in confusion and he says, "what?" In English.

"Damn!" Morita says in English, causing the other commandos to laugh. Then Dugan starts speaking in Gaelic, his deep tone rumbling. Steve straightens like he's been struck by lighting and then is responding in Gaelic with fervor.

Morita huffs, "so just European languages then? That's not fair."

Bucky stares at Steve thoughtfully, then turns to look at the table behind them. "Danny, hey Danny!"

A tall blonde guy turns around and Bucky waves him over. He approaches the table and the commandos eye Bucky curiously.

"Your parents are from Sweden right?"

The guy tilts his head in question, "yes, they immigrated."

"Do you speak Swedish?"

"I'm relatively fluent."

"Can you talk to Steve here? Ask him anything, but make it random so we don't know the context."

The guy pales, turning towards Steve and eyeing him nervously.

"What's this about, Barnes?" Steve asks. Bucky tries not to wince at the fact that Steve is still using his last name.

"Just… I'm trying to figure something out. Danny?"

"Uh.. okay. Captain Rogers?" Steve faces him and the man steadies his shoulders before speaking in Swedish.

Steve listens but then looks at Bucky. "Am I supposed to know what he's saying?"

Bucky smiles. "So it's only languages that he's heard or been around a lot. So, Morita, you want him speaking Japanese? You better speak it to him. He'll remember."

Morita lights up and begins to speak at Steve, who listens intently even if he seems confused at the content.

"Thanks, Danny." Bucky says, "just needed to test out a theory."

"Is he…" the guy flushes, lowering his voice to a whisper, "is he doing better?"

While the actual story of what had happened to Steve to make him lose his memory wasn't common knowledge, the lack of memories and change in behavior had been a subject of much discussion amongst the troops.

"He's…" Bucky starts, "he's getting there."

The guy nods, looking thoughtful, "that's good, I hope so."

"So do I, kid. So do I."

—-

The next change is subtle. Steve is sitting around a fire on a mission, and one of the soldiers hands him a cigarette.

He looks at it strangely and wrinkles his nose, passing it along to the soldier next to him, who takes it from him with a curious eye.

"Don't feel like smoking." Steve says quietly.

Bucky has to stand up and walk away so no one asks him why he's crying.

—

Peggy comes walking quickly up to Bucky, her face alight.

"Barnes!" She shouts, calling his attention and waving for him to come around to a more secluded spot.

"What is it, Carter?"

"He blushed." She smiles, her eyes twinkling. "Steve actually blushed when I spoke to him today. Oh I could have—" she cuts herself off. Bucky chuckles at her self-censorship, and she huffs, "well, lets just say it wouldn't have been decent in front of Colonel Phillips. But I haven't seen him blush at me since before…" Bucky nods, his eyes darkening, "since then, and seeing it today… maybe Howard's prediction about them returning isn't too far off."

They smile, letting hope fill their chests.

—-

Steve stops going shirtless. He starts sitting with them longer at meals and engaging in more "frivolous" conversation than just missions and strategies. The commandos don't miss a beat, talking with him and easily falling back into step as his team.

Dugan reports that he and Steve were sparring and Steve apologized for hitting him too hard. The grin on his face as he tells the story has them laughing about how 'Steve' that was.

Morita reports that he saw Steve unloading the supply trucks alone when he thought no one was watching.

Denier and Jones come to Bucky to let him know that Steve had been asking around about where to get a pad of paper, to which the young secretary had leapt out of the chair to fetch him a sketch pad and pencils. Bucky has to sit down after learning that one.

Phillips caught Bucky in between missions to let him know that Steve had argued with him about a mission strategy, not backing down when Phillips had tried to disagree. The twinkle in Phillips' eye is unmistakable. "He hasn't argued with a superior in two months." He grouses. Then he narrows his eyes at Bucky, "good to have him coming back to us, I guess."

Bucky laughs to keep from choking up at the relief in Phillips' voice.

—-

But it was one particular mission that solidified Steve's return.

They were fighting a group of Nazi's who had been spying on a village to steal their supplies. Bucky was on one of the highest rooftops he could find to get a good vantage point for sniping. He'd be lying if he hadn't been keeping watch over Steve in his bright uniform, shield clanging and swooping through the fight.

But Steve was moving flawlessly, raging through the crowd and dropping enemy soldiers like flies. A rumble had Bucky turning his head to see a tank rolling into sight.

"Panzer!" Bucky shouts, alerting the commandos, but it's too late. The tank fires a giant round, straight at Dugan and Monty. Steve's reflexes have him sprinting across the way and planting himself and his shield in front of the two as the tank round slams into him, hurtling him backwards and slamming him against a brick wall.

Bucky watches in horror as the brick wall starts to wobble, "get him out of there!" Bucky shouts, scrambling from his perch. "Denier! Grenade!" Denier nods, racing towards the tank with their specialty grenades. He pops it onto the front of the tank and bolts as Bucky practically flings himself form the rooftop and races across the cobblestones. Helping Dugan yank a dizzy Steve out from under the unstable wall.

The blast from the tank going up in flames is painfully hot but they ignore it as they bring Steve under a tree.

Bucky can hear the rest still fighting but he ignores that, staring at Steve whose eyes have glazed over.

"Steve?" Bucky tries, tapping his best friend's face, "Steve? Can you hear me?"

The man in question blinks, slowly shaking his head back and forth as if trying to clear the cobwebs. "Bucky?" He says groggily.

Bucky freezes and Dugan, who had been about to rejoin the fight, stops, turning back towards the two.

"Steve?" Bucky rasps, his throat starting to constrict. "You know who I am?"

Steve squints one eye, looking up at Bucky, "geez, Buck. I didn't hit my head that hard." Steve's looking at him, waiting for some sarcastic retort to his joke but Bucky's just staring at him in shock. Steve glances at Dugan who is staring too. "What?" Steve asks, his face shifting to worry, "why are you looking at me like that?" He reaches up behind him to feel his head, but his hand comes away clean. "I've taken hits worse than that." Steve tries again, trying to lighten the mood, when they still don't respond he shifts, sitting up and looking at them with concern, "okay, now you guys are starting to scare me. What's going on?"

"You—" Dugan starts, "you… uh, what's the last thing you remember?"

Steve's eyebrows furrow, "other than right now? Uh… this morning around the campfire when Morita told us the story about his mom?"

Dugan eyes Bucky and Bucky doesn't think before speaking. "Oh, okay, good. Yep. Just wanted to make sure. That tank round must have looked worse than it was."

Steve nods slowly, still looking at them with a question on his face but then he motions for Bucky to help him up. Bucky does so and watches as Steve goes to rejoin the fight.

Dugan's face is extremely serious when he asks, "you going to tell him?"

Bucky looks at Steve as he knocks down one of the last soldiers left fighting. "No. He might end up remembering on his own. But if he doesn't? All the better."

Dugan watches as Morita takes out the very last soldier. "Your call."

"He's better off not knowing."

Bucky pretends to not hear the uncertainty in Dugan's voice as he says "whatever you say."

—

The rest of the commandos notice the difference in Steve immediately and are told by Bucky to not even mention the incident. They happily oblige.

Bucky watches as Peggy stands stiffly, hands clenching at her skirt as Steve gives his mission report to Phillips. Even though she hasn't had a chance to talk to him, just Steve's demeanor says that this isn't the same man who left two days ago on a mission, this is their Steve back.

After Steve leaves to clean up, Peggy runs to Bucky and demands to know what happened.

"We don't know…" Bucky answers truthfully. "Like you know, he's been returning to us, slowly, but he took a tank round to the shield, knocking his head against a brick wall. Next thing I know he's calling me Bucky and doesn't remember a single thing between now and the morning before we were captured…"

She sucks a breath. "Flipping hell."

"I know."

"How do we tell him?"

Bucky's face shifts, "tell him? We're not telling him."

"Barnes." Peggy says with disbelief, "we have to tell him—"

"No, Carter. We don't. If I can spare Steve even a little bit of that pain, then I will. He's already been through so much. You want to describe the way it felt to watch him get stabbed in the stomach and shocked? You want to explain the sound his skull made when the man hammered the spike into it?"

Peggy's face tinges green, remembering the sickening crack.

"Or how about the way his body hung lifelessly while that psychopath shocked him one last time? Or how about him killing a man who surrendered? You think he'd bounce back from that one?" Peggy is silent and Barnes' words come out harsh. "Yeah, I didn't think so. We're not telling him."

She doesn't argue as he walks away.

—-

"Good to have you back, Captain." Danny says, smiling as Steve helps him load up supplies in the truck.

Steve looks at him, confused, but responds, "good to be back…?"

Danny wanders around to the other side and Steve turns to Bucky.

"What was that about? We got back from the mission two days ago."

Bucky just fiddles with his rifle, not meeting Steve's eyes, "beats me."

—-

Bucky opens his eyes to see the rest of them looking at Steve warily.

Steve is just staring at the ground and Bucky sighs, "now you know that it was my fault you didn't know those memories. There's no excuse. I should have told you and since I didn't… it was so much worse for you seeing it second hand… I'm really sorry, Steve."

Steve doesn't look up. "I wish you'd told me."

Bucky winces. "I know. I wish I had too."

"So what now?" Steve asks.

"I don't know about the rest of you." Tony butts in, "but I'd be happy to never see another memory again." His tone is joking but the weight of everything they'd witness for the last year rests heavily on each one of them.

"Lets take a break." Natasha offers. "If we need to, or if there's more we need to share, we can revisit it. But for now… let's just… try to get to a new normal."

They're walking out of the room when Steve stops Bucky. "I get why you didn't tell me. But I wish you had. After everything we've been through together, the war, Hydra, and now this? I don't want to be caught unaware again."

"I know, Steve." Bucky says honestly, "I wasn't thinking straight back then, and then since then I haven't even remembered everything since the Triskelion. If I remember anything else I think you need to know, I'll tell or show you immediately."

Steve smiles, it doesn't quite reach his eyes but it's still genuine, "okay, Buck. Thanks."

They walk to the elevator where Clint holds the door open for them.

—-