Auction: What if Remus wasn't bitten
Back to school - Role Reversal
Occlumency - 2. Write about someone who lets their emotions guide their actions.
I know that I just need you like I've never done before
Remus finds out that Sirius is a werewolf but doesn't know how to handle it, so pretends he doesn't know. When Sirius finds out, he's hurt that Remus didn't come to him.
Role Reversal!AU
Remus wasn't surprised to be in Gryffindor. Of course he assumed he'd be in Ravenclaw, and there was a chance that he could end up in Hufflepuff, but Gryffindor wasn't a bad option either. The house had taken some time to think through the choice, and it decided that red was his colour.
He makes his way up the table to the only other Gryffindor boy that has been sorted and sits down facing him. He smiles a little shyly. He's always been a bit shy, always preferring other children to approach him to play first, but Remus can see that this boy looks nervous.
Dark curls fall around his face, and there's a slight scowl. He flinches at each loud noise and Remus feels for him. The hall is quite noisy and maybe he can distract him from the sound.
"Hey, I'm Remus Lupin," he says, as though the boy would've missed his name being called. "We're going to be room-mates. It's going to be fun."
The boy jumps as Remus starts talking to him. Grey eyes lift and meet his.
"Sirius Black," he says, after a long pause. "Roommates." The last word is a whisper, and the boy frowns as though he's not wrapped his head around the idea of having roommates. Remus doesn't know what to make of this, because everyone knows that Hogwarts has dorms and that you'd be expected to share, unless you were the only student for that house in your year, that is.
He knows Sirius' surname. His dad works in the Ministry and he's heard people talking when he's gone there with his dad, he's heard mention of the family. His dad doesn't speak kindly of them (behind closed doors of course), but Remus is all for giving Sirius a chance anyway. He looks nervous and Remus hates other people being left out.
"Yeah, it's going to be amazing," Remus says. "I've never been away from home either, except for a few sleepovers with friends, but trust me, it's going to be amazing."
Sirius gives a slight nod ,and for a moment, Remus thinks he's being dismissive. Until he realises by the expression on Sirius' face that Sirius simply doesn't know what to say. He feels sorry for the boy. They could be friends, Remus decides.
"Don't worry, we'll work this place out together," he promises, and he's pleased at the hint of the smile on Sirius' lips. The hopeful look in his eyes. It's a start.
Sirius leaves every month. His Uncle Alphard - his guardian is sick and Sirius needs to be there, but Remus can't work out why. He's never quite believed that there is a reason for Sirius to be leaving school all of the time.
Sirius doesn't talk to his brother, and there are so many questions. Why does he live with his Uncle rather than his parents? Why is there this divide in the family?
And a question that Remus pretends he doesn't have. Because if he acknowledges the question, he'll not be able to deny the truth. He'll have to realise that Sirius is… what he thinks he is. After all, he leaves every month and Remus sees the pattern.
They're fourteen and he's not sure how to deal with this. So he pretends it's not happening. Because if he pretends, he can act like everything is fine.
"Sirius, where are you going?" James asks, and as always, Sirius gives a shrug of his shoulders.
"Uncle Alphard. Again," Sirius says, with a falseness that Remus is certain they all feel. But the lie continues month in and month out, and he's not going to be the one to call Sirius out on it.
"Sirius, you're a werewolf, aren't you?" Remus knew that he had connected the dots, but never considered that James had his own suspicions. That James doesn't have tact, and thinks that the best way to deal with things is to face them head on rather than approaching carefully and testing the waters.
Sirius stares at him. He doesn't deny it. He looks at James like he wants to punch him.
James looks worried, turning his gaze to Remus. "Remus, just get over here and help me," he mutters, and Remus sighs. He's being pulled into this when he doesn't want to do this.
"I… I've been wondering for a while," Remus finally admits. "A year, actually. I saw the patterns a while back, but... " he trails off. How does he even explain that he didn't want to know because he was scared it'd change things.
"So what if I am?" Sirius asks, shrugging his shoulders. "You going to tell everyone?"
"Of course not," James says, glancing at Peter, who nods quickly in agreement with James. "We've got you. But you kept this big secret from us and we should talk about that."
"Not really, because my secrets aren't your business," Sirius says. There's a hollow laugh. "But you don't respect people's privacy, so ask the questions. I know you have them."
"You live with your Uncle," Remus comments quietly. "Why?"
"You really think my parents would keep me?" Sirius spits. "Actually, screw this. I don't have to explain myself to you guys. I am who I am, and I was starting to like myself for the first time in… well, in so long. Starting to think I was worth something and I'm not going to let you all stand there and judge me. If you're going to get me kicked out, give me prior notice so I can at least pack. Otherwise, you can piss off and leave me alone." His gaze moves around his friends, judging each of them and Remus hates this. He hates that look on Sirius' face. He never wants Sirius to look at him like that before.
It's clear that no one is to approach him, because Sirius is done talking to them. Apologises will simply fall on deaf ears.
When he hides away in his bed, Remus feels empty. Not because of Sirius' secret, but because he likes the evenings together. Where they sit on one of the beds and talk. Or when Sirius comes and sits with him and asks pointless questions about whatever book Remus has, which Remus is always happy to answer.
He misses their routine. Sirius' smile. It takes him weeks to realise why this hurts. It takes weeks for Sirius to speak to them again, and longer for him to start to truth that they'll keep his secret.
Remus is tidying the dorm up when Sirius seeks him out, map in hand. Remus glances towards the map, with names floating around it. It's folded to show the dorm, where both of them are standing. James and Peter aren't even in the common room. Remus wonders if Sirius waited until they were away before returning. If so, was it a plan to approach them one by one?
It's still new, Sirius talking to them again, and Remus is scared to upset him. He continues what he's doing and waits for Sirius to talk.
"It's hard to avoid you all," Sirius says. "Especially when sharing a room with the three of you." He pauses and lets out a tired sigh. "I've got nowhere left to hide." He sets the map down. "It's boring, running."
"Why did you?" Remus asks, glancing around the room. It's looking a lot more organised, and Remus feels his mood take a turn for the better. He firmly believes that an organised space, uncluttered and clean can boost the mood.
"You said that you knew for a while, or suspected. But… you never asked. I think… Remus, I think you didn't want me to be one. Not because no one wants anyone to be cursed. No, I think it bothered you on a different level."
"Before I knew… I was scared for the answer," Remus admits. "Because it was something I couldn't comprehend. But when… when James tactlessly stated that you're a werewolf…" he pauses when Sirius flinches at the word. "Well, I realised that it didn't make a difference. You still matter to me. But you're right, my initial reaction was unforgivable."
"Wait. Forget that. Did you say that I still matter to you? That it doesn't make a difference?" Sirius checks.
"I said that," Remus confirms.
"I fucked up," Sirius admits, sitting on Remus' tidy bed. "I… I try and tell myself I matter, and try and act like it. I… the destructive behaviour comes from a darker place than I want to be. I'm a monster, Remus. I know what I am. But I have friends and a life, and somehow, you guys haven't complained or told anyone."
"Why would we? It's not our secret to share," Remus says.
"Because… because people aren't usually kind to my type," Sirius mutters. "But I knew you were different. Since that first day. The time at the table where you were so nice to me, and you've never let me down before. I thought you were judging me the other day and that scared me more than anything. I didn't want you to think I was some outcast monster."
Remus sits down next to Sirius. "I've missed hanging out with you," he admits. "It's been too quiet without you. You're not a monster either, just so you know."
Sirius laughs softly. "I thought you guys would be leading a man-hunt through the halls, hating me. But now… I've missed cuddling up on your bed," he mutters. "I mean, not cuddling. Just… hanging out."
"Cuddling?" Remus asks. "I don't miss that because I've not… I've not been lucky enough to get that far with you. But if you ever want to have a cuddle, I'm here."
Sirius' smile widens a little. "Yeah? What about if I want more? Or is this a platonic sort of cuddle?"
"I'm here for more," Remus admits, his cheeks red. "Whatever you want, Sirius. You matter to me."
Sirius' smile is blinding. "And you've always mattered to me., and you always will."
1676 words
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Film Festival - 14. (item) map
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Throwback - 3. Werewolf!AU
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