Task #5: Nativity of St. Francis and St. Lawrence (Caravaggio) - write about sacrificing something for someone else.
My heart's been so empty, you're what I've been missing
James/Sirius
Wicked!AU inspired partially by the book and partially by the musical.
Sirius wants to believe that James is here for both him and the rebellion, but he doesn't want to get hurt again.
Dedicated to Gryffindor House writers on the Hogwarts Forum :)
Sirius glared at the reflection in the mirror, angry at the man that stared back at him. The face is a little distorted in the cheap mirror hanging on the hotel room wall, and the silver-blue of the frame is chipped and peeling, but Sirius doesn't care, as long as it's clean.
He looks like his father. That's the thing that people like to comment on when they don't know what else to say about him. They don't comment on the green skin if they're more polite, but that doesn't mean that they don't stare, or don't comment when he's out of ear-shot. Or when they think he is.
He hasn't seen anyone in a long time. The revolution isn't going well, but he fights. He constantly fights, trying to keep the world moving in the right direction and not the wrong way. Sometimes nothing happens no matter how hard he tries, and feels like he's doing it alone.
The Wizard, also known as Tom Riddle - the man who wants to 'fix' the world in the wrong ways is who Sirius stands against. He's a very powerful man. But the world they live in now is worth fighting for. The Wizard doesn't need to change it, especially in the ways he is trying to. Why take steps backwards, when he can go forwards?
There's a tapping at the door and Sirius reaches for his wand, wary. It's late, and no-one should be coming here at this hour of the night. In fact, no-one should be coming here at all, and Sirius has very little trust in other people anymore. The only person who knows about this place is Remus, and Remus is working across the country. He's not using his own name, merely a pseudonym, and he's worried that he's been found by the wrong people.
Remus knocks a certain way too, and this isn't Remus. Sirius knows that full well.
He's quiet as he walks to the door. He's wary as he looks out the peep-hole, but something washes over him as he looks at the man on the other side of the door. Someone he didn't expect to see for a long time. If ever. Familiar dark hair and hazel eyes. The man looks around him, before the gaze turns desperately back towards the door.
"James." He opens the door, merely a crack. He hides behind it. Barely letting James have a glimpse of him. James has never had an issue with Sirius being different, but it's a habit now - to hide himself, to cover himself up where possible. To be ashamed of something he can't help. To pretend. "You're taking a chance coming here."
"Sirius, let me in before anyone sees," James hisses. Sirius opens the door a little bit more, and James walks through.
"You alone?" he asks.
Sirius nods. He shuts the door and pulls across the locks. He's here under a fake name, but he can't be too careful.
"What are you doing here?" he asks. He's a little bitter because the last time he saw James, it was because James was being pushed into a marriage, and James didn't fight for what he wanted. He went along with what everyone else was deciding for him. "Why aren't you with her. How did you even find me?
They don't talk about her. Sirius doesn't say the name of the blonde woman who has set out to steal James away. One of his best friends, no-less. Not that she knows about his feelings for James, or even James' feelings.
James walks out of the tiny hallway and towards the living room. He sheds his jacket and glances around, before hanging it up on a hook, and he reaches up, pushing his hair back, so it's not dripping in his face. He looks around, pulling the cord on the lamp and checking that the curtains are shut.
"I don't want to talk about her," he says. "I wanted to see you."
Sirius shrugs his shoulders. "Then there's nothing to say."
"Remus seems to think so. He's the one who gave me your address. He thinks I should be here, and I have to agree. You're fighting a resistance, Sirius. People know your name. Sometimes it's the wrong people. Maybe I'm here to talk to you about that? Not everything is about you and I."
Sirius raises an eyebrow. "Sure, okay. Talk about the resistance then. Not us. Because that's something we never talk about and never address. Except that one time where you admitted that you love me. That you wanted a future with me, only to accept the marriage arrangement with her days later. Let's pretend that never happened, as we always pretend. Let's border on that, but never address it. That for one moment, I almost had something amazing, but then you walked away from that."
James crosses the room to where Sirius is standing as Sirius says these words. There's fire in his usually calm hazel eyes.
"Shut up," James hisses. "You know how hard this has been for me. What does it tell you that I'm here, planning to work with you on this rather than living a comfortable life where I have everything I want? All my life I've been living in the fast lane, but the world around us needs all the help it can get. I can see the world going to shit, and I had to make a choice. I've had to make a lot, and I never expected to fall in love with you. This would be so much easier if I didn't love you."
"I'm sorry you feel that way, about both the situation and about me," Sirius snaps. "There's the door. Nice seeing you. Don't come back, I'll be moving locations, now that this is compromised."
"No. You don't get to…" James groans, running a hand through his hair once more. "I don't regret these feelings. I just… Why is life trying to get between us? I left her, Sirius. I heard how the townsfolk were talking about you, and it was all I could do not to scream and shout, because you're not who they think you 're trying to help them, trying to free them - you and the Order you're working with, yet they're talking about you like you're doing the worst thing in the world. The Wizard has them all under some sort of spell, and I can see that clearly. I left her and I chose you. I left that life and I'm here, telling you that I'm ready to sign up and help you fix this. I'm here to be with you."
"Are you signing up to the resistance just because you have feelings for me?" Sirius checks quietly. "Or are you choosing me because it fits in with your joining the resistance?"
"Dammit, how can you even ask me that?" James almost shouts. He's only keeping his voice down as to not draw attention to the small apartment. "Why do you do this? You always…" he sighs, the anger fading quickly.
"Because it's what I'm good at," Sirius replies quietly. "But I deserve answers. I haven' theard from you in so long, so what is it, James? You've never rushed to do anything before. You do what's best for you, not caring about those that you hurt. So.. tell me."
Maybe this is unfair, because Sirius knows that James had to make a hard choice, but he's feeling bitter still, because James has been on his mind for months, almost an entire year now. That is when he last saw him. But he needs answers because he can't do this if James isn't truly invested.
James shakes his head. "I used to take my sweet time just to be safe, but it's both, Sirius. It's for both reasons. I wanted to be with you but I couldn't commit to the resistance, so I stayed away as I tried to figure myself out. Then I realised that I wanted the world that you talk about, not the world that the Wizard wants. I don't want the changes he's making because I've finally realised just what the world will become. The world is getting worse. I chose you first, but I didn't come here until I felt that I could really truly understand this upcoming rebellion and know why I'm picking my side."
"And you brought nothing?" Sirius crosses his arms. "It doesn't sound like you intend to be here for long."
"The only thing I need is right here," James mutters. He closes the distance between the pair, and Sirius wants to step back and put distance between them like he knows he should, but he also wants to move into James' embrace and stay there. "We'll find a way to get what I need, but I'm here now. I'm sorry it took so long."
Sirius is done with words. They've said too much that night. They will need to keep talking, but he's wanted to do something for the longest time and today is the day. James has picked him. James has made this choice and Sirius can barely believe it.
Sirius grabs James and pulls him close. James' hazel eyes move over Sirius' face, and there is no disgust, nothing at all. He looks like he's happier than he's ever been. He's never judged Sirius for being green, for being different. He's always treated him equally.
"I hate you sometimes," Sirius mutters.
"Yeah, but now isn't one of those times, is it?" And with that, James leans in and lets his lips find Sirius'.
They've never done this before. There have been longing looks, sure. There have been hugs that have maybe lasted a second too long, but they've never moved past the friendship, even though they've both felt more for the longest time. James even admitted his feelings once, with Sirius confirming his own, but then… there was no them at that time.
Fingers wind into his dark curls, and the kiss deepens, and Sirius can't even think. He clutches at James a little too tightly, scared that if he lets go, James will change his mind and be out of that door. He'll go back the fiance that he's ended things with, claiming he's made a mistake
"We're planning to take down the Wizard," Sirius whispers, because it's such a big goal for the resistance, and maybe that'll be what scares James away. Because, if James leaves now,, they can go back to the sense of normality. They can go back to the world that existed ten minutes ago. That's the world that made sense, because this doesn't. James needs to know that the resistance will resort to treason.
He can't fathom that James chose him and not… her. James Potter could choose anyone. Sirius can't figure out what he's done to deserve this.
James is choosing to turn his back on everything that has been set out for him. A planned life, sure, but a luxurious life. Sirius' life would've been planned had he been like everyone else. He's sure that despite the fact that he's different, his father still wanted to plan everything to make him fit in, but Sirius wants to change the world, and there's no place for that type of thinking in the current world. The Wizard isn't going to affect what James has, and James could be happy and act like nothing is going wrong in the world around him. He could choose to be oblivious to everything.
But James is here, and Sirius is waiting for him to turn and run, changing his mind.
James does nothing of the sort. He glances around and notices the open bedroom door. He steps towards it, and Sirius notices how tired James looks, how completely drained. The bed looks inviting, a warm red blanket that reminds Sirius of their old dorm room, before everything fell to shit.
"I'm here to stay," James says softly, stepping towards it again. He's telling the truth and Sirius knows this. He's just been scared to get his hopes up. "I regret that I didn't choose you immediately. I've regretted it from the moment I made that wrong choice. Sirius, we're going to make every last moment last, because we're fighting the Wizard, Sirius, and we don't know how long we'll have left when we do go to war. But trust me when I say this. When we do, I'll be there, at your side."
He takes another step and Sirius follows.
2096 words
Bromance to Romance - 9. (physical trait) Glasses
Written in the Stars - 19. (dialogue) "Why do you do this?" / "Because it's what I'm good at."
Book Club - 4. Jazz: (color) red, (plot point) being underestimated, (trait) honest
Showtime - 10. Never Ever Getting Rid of Me - (trait) Stubborn
Film Festival - 22. Dialogue: "You're taking a chance coming here."
Lizzy's Loft - 6. Polaroid - All my life I've been living in the fast lane [bonus]
Angel's Archive - 15. Silver-Blue
Amber's Anime Adventure - 2. (dialogue) "I used to take my sweet time just to be safe."
Lyric Alley - 11. But I did not crumble
EnTitled - 3. Earth Kills - Word: Treason
Artist Appreciation - 14. Heartbreak Weather: Prompt - (setting) hotel room - BONUS - Title: My heart's been so empty, you're what I've been missing
Resolution Evolution - 10. Write a fic with the theme: Taking a Leap
Buttons - Words: (4) pseudonym, objects: (5) lamp, emotions (2) regret
Fight Club - 2. (Trope) Idiots in Love