Written for: Race to the Top of Mount Potter - Prompt - Emotion: Happiness

Artist Appreciation - 8. Dear John: Prompt - (style) epistolary/letter!fic

I see it all now that you're gone

Seven years after they break up, Sirius unexpectedly reaches out to Remus.

Remus Lupin looks at the friend request on Facebook, unable to drag his gaze away. He can see that there's a message sitting in his inbox too, but he's not going to click it. If he does, the sender will be able to see.

Ignoring for a bit is better, because he can think about it. He can play it off as having not seen it for a while. He can work out what he wants to do.

He never thought he'd see Sirius Black's name again. They had broken up seven years ago, and Sirius had disappeared to join the army without even a goodbye. But they aren't on speaking terms. It hurt, but they seem to just keep hurting each other time and time again.

Remus wonders if James has heard from Sirius recently. Aside from a handful of letters over the years and a few visits in between tours to the Potter family, Sirius doesn't talk to anyone that Remus is aware of.

But you can't forget the love of your life. That's what Sirius always was. They had never intended to hurt each other. It was things like family forcing them apart. Life taking them in other directions. As much as they wanted things to click into place, they couldn't handle the serious relationship they were trying to establish. Remus' father accused Sirius of turning his son gay, and Sirius' parents made his life difficult.

Over the last seven years, Remus had always wondered that if they had started dating when they were a bit older, maybe they'd have still been together. There had been some pretty perfect moments. Their first date, their first kiss, their first time in bed, both cuddling and sex. When Remus thinks back, it was everything outside of the relationship that forced them apart. That caused the issues. People telling Remus lies about Sirius. People doing the same to Sirius.

Remus smiles as his eyes linger on the message. He can't help himself. He clicks on the message.

'Hi Luv,

A little out of the blue, right? Well, I've spent seven years trying to find the right words for you. I put the message off time and time again until it felt like it was too late to send it. It's not that I didn't have the right words, it's that I was a coward and was scared of reaching out. Scared of your reaction. Just scared.

Seven years is a long time, yet not a day has gone by without me thinking about you. Missing you. But not knowing how to handle it. What would I even say? What would I even have to offer after all of this time? You could be married with kids for all I know (and when I ask James - and I ask him often, he always tells me to come and ask you myself, the little shit).

I felt like I had nothing to offer you, seven years ago. As time passed and I grew up and looked back, I realised that wasn't the case. A seventeen-year-old - I had as much as any other seventeen-year-old, but we both know my insecurities. I felt like I wasn't good enough. But I won't weigh you down with all of that again.

I've spent seven years as a soldier, trying to become someone else because I felt I need to do better. During the hard days, I look at a picture of the two of us and that's what keeps me going. It makes me stronger.

But I got hurt recently. It'll take a bit of time to recover, but I've done my time here and I have the option to return to service soon or to leave, and I realise that something is missing from my life. Something that's been missing for years. I think I should explore my reason to stay, rather than run away all over again.

I know I hurt you so much. I know I screwed up. I take full responsibility for my actions. But I can assure you that I've grown up. That I'm a better man than that seventeen-year-old boy whose emotions just burst out of him.

I'd love to get to know you again. There were times when we were beautiful together. But I know that I can't just appear out of the blue, expecting a relationship. Or expecting anything really. I just wanted to be upfront about my feelings in a way I never could in the past.

I'd settle for friendship because I know that my life is better if you're a part of it, in any way.

If you don't reply, or if you don't want to reconnect, I won't hold that against you.

But if you feel anything… if you see us having any sort of relationship, be it friendship or more… well, this is me reaching out.

Sirius'

Remus smiles as he goes through the message, his eyes moving over the words. He thinks of Sirius all of the time too, and he's missed the other man so much that it hurts.

He'll regret this if he never takes this chance. It could blow up, it could cause pain and hurt all over again.

Or it could be something beautiful. It could be something that makes them both so very happy. Sirius has the freedom to date who he wants. Remus' dad isn't part of his life, so can't get between them.

And Remus is willing to take that risk. Feeling happier than he has in a long time, he types out a message.

'I'm free for dinner any day this week.'

The message comes back in seconds and Remus gets the feeling that Sirius has been sitting there, waiting for the reply.

'Tonight?'

'Sure. How about that old Bella Italia in town - you know the one?'

'How could I forget? I'll make the reservation now. I'll see you at eight. It's a date!'

Remus grins. It most certainly is. And in the same place they celebrated their anniversary all those years ago. He looks at the clock. It's only three. What's he going to do for the next five hours?

He reaches for his phone and calls James. He knows that James will be happy for them, but not as happy as Remus is right now.