Welcome back to another chapter of RWBY Across the Multiverse. Now, let's get to it. Alright Fennec, just read what's on the paper.
Fennec: The following is a fan-based parody. Hellsing Ultimate is property of Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse...? The fuck is this?! You assholes brought me back from the dead to read this legal bullshit?! No no no no no. FUCK. THAT! If I'm gonna come back to life to read a fucking line, then it's gonna be my kind of fucking line.
XenoBlaze: Fennec, no!
Fennec: My THROBBING VAMPIRE DICK is a fan-based parody. Its SHAFT, BALLS and SCROTUM are property of me, Fennec Albain. And whatever bitch I happen to be giving it to at the time. Please support MY DICK by helping with its official release. You know you want to...
XenoBlaze: Me damn it, Fennec! This is why is why no one likes you!
Fennec: Fuck you, asshole!
XenoBlaze: No, fuck you. Because now your going to learn what it's like to be every girl you've raped!
Girl Fennec: What the fuck?! Where's ma dick!? ...Wait. What's that ogre doing here? And why is he so big?! N-no! Nononono! Get away from me ya- AAAAAAAAAAAAH!
XenoBlaze: Sorry about that. Now. The following is a fan-based parody. Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse and licensed by Geneon, Madman Entertainment, Manga Entertainment and Funimation. RWBY is owned by Rooster Teeth Productions. Please support the official release.
The Remnantians were stunned silent at the punishment Blaze punishment gave Fennec. They knew he had to leave the theater for a bit, but never knew the reason why.
Blaze suddenly pops back into his seat.
"Okay! Everyone ready?" Blaze asks enthusiastically.
All the Remnantians could do was nod dumbly.
(Flashback)
"Whoa, what happened here?" Yang asks.
"It looks like a war zone." Oscar says.
"Vampire king..."
"That's... Grandfather Nicholas!" Weiss exclaims.
"That's your grandpa?" Ruby asks.
"Never mind that." Roman says. "Looks like your uncle got his ass handed to him."
Salem narrows her eyes. "He said Vampire King. Looks like there's more to Alucard than meets the eye."
Alucard groans.
"You lay upon ze blood-soaked dirt of your ruined land." Nicholas says. "Castles plundered... dominions in ruin... servants destroyed - all to end ze hellfire wis which you sought to cover ze world." Nicholas grabs Alucard by his collar. "A bloody conquest having consumed hundreds of thousands, countless villages razed to ze ground, and over 20,000 impaled and prostrated by you and you alone to strike horror into the hearts of mortal men! Vhat say you, monster, demon, devil conceived by the bleakest womb?! WHAT SAY YOU NOW?!"
"...That... was an epic speech." Jaune says in awe.
"...The Aristocrats."
Everyone facepalms.
"Really?" Weiss asks dryly.
Nicholas grits his teeth in frustration. He then strikes Alucard, after which the flashback ends and Alucard wakes up in the Hellsing Mansion.
"This is why you never drink soda after bed." Ruby says. "Learned that the hard way."
"Oh God... It's orientation day!" Alucard says.
Scene change to Winter and a group of mercenaries.
"Listen close. You've all been subcontracted as personal bodyguards to the Hellsing Organization. As you've heard, we deal with special interest targets: Terrorists, cultists, and individuals who believe themselves to be of... *titters*... a mystical persuasion."
The group known as the Wild Geese laughs.
"Who wants to bet everyone of these guys ends up dead?" Roman asks.
"I think we all know that's a suckers bet, Roman." Cinder says as she rolls her eyes.
Roman grumbles. "Spoil my fun why don't you."
"Well... is there anything else we should be informed about the facility?"
"Coco?" Weiss asks. "Is that really her?"
"What's with her accent?" Blake asks. "Never heard anything like that before."
"It's French." Blaze says. "A language spoken worldwide in other universes. Some people call it the language of love."
Ruby tilts her head. "Why's that?"
A rose suddenly pops up in front of Ruby's face. She squeaks in surprise as she looks at the holder of the rose. Revealing the young god himself.
"Because when you talk like this, it is enough to make any women melt." Blaze says in a French accent.
Ruby's face turns red as she stammers. Seeing this, Yang, Weiss, Jaune and Oscar glare at the young god.
"Everything you need to know has already been covered in the briefing."
Alucard suddenly phases through a wall.
"HEY-KIDS, WANNA-SEE-A-DEAD-BODY?!"
The Wild Gesse scream.
Yang bangs her hand on her arm rest as she laughs. "OH MY GODS! Hahaha! That was hilarious!"
Many agreed with the blonde brawler's statement. Even the villains.
[Cue title sequence]
The Wild Geese continue to scream.
"STOP SCREAMING!" Winter exclaims.
The mercenaries stop screaming, but then begin to whimper like dogs.
"Your sister isn't nearly this scary, Weiss." Ruby says.
"...Fair enough." Weiss says after a pause.
Alucard phases out of the wall completely. "So, what's up with the pride meeting?"
"They're a mercenary group contracted to replace all the soldiers we lost in the Albain brothers'-"
"Wait... are these guys French?"
"What's so bad about being French?" Pyrrha asks.
"Yeah, I'm not pulling the pin on that grenade." Blaze says dryly.
"We were forced to post mortality rates. They're the only ones who applied."
"We are really scraping the bottom of the barrel here."
Ozpin jogs into the room.
"Sir Winter, I apologize; I tried to stop him. But when I pleaded with him, he merely responded with" Ozpin glances at Coco. "And mind my French, no offense..."
"Some taken."
"..."Fuck the police". He then proceeded to tilt every painting he passed on the way here."
Alucard laughs maniacally.
"Oh, that is EVIL!" Weiss exclaims.
Ozpin sighs internally.
Winter sighs. "Oh God. Walking through that hallway is going to give me such a headache now."
Ozpin hands Winter a letter.
"Speaking of headaches, a very curious letter arrived for you in the mail."
"Mercury Black? That filthy, slimy, arrogant, Italian PIECE OF SH-!" Scene quickly changes. Black, oh it's been far too long."
"Wow, talk about a mood change." Yang says with a grin.
Mercury smirks as he removes his glasses. "I agree. You're no longer that little girl I used to know. Look at all those lines on your face."
A tick mark appears on Weiss' forehead.
Roman scoffs. "And people say I'm an asshole. One thing I've learned in my profession is that you never call a woman out on her age."
Salem nods. "Wise words."
"And look at all the brown on your nose. How is the Pope doing?"
"Better than your failing church."
"Well, not all of us can exploit illegals."
"But you don't waste time making money off Rupert Murdoch!"
"...I'm beginning to think that they do not like each other." Penny says with an eyebrow raised.
Alucard phases out of the wall behind Winter.
"Honestly, if you're going to have a dickfighting competition with a woman, you must have started off with the world's cruelest handicap. Which I'm sure benefits the 9 year-old boy you have chained up in your private Vatican jet. Which was paid for how? Oh right! Generous donations from your followers to spread the word of God... all over his back."
"BURN, BITCH!" Yang exclaims.
Mercury crushes his glasses. CALLOOWS!
"Annnd the psycho's back." Jaune says.
"Which one?" Blake asks.
Tyrain stabs a blade into the ground with his right hand. He then draws three blades with his left hand and holds them in between his fingers. "Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling."
Alucard draws his guns as he whips his hat off. "You got me a present?!"
"...Wha?" Oscar asks.
Tyrain walks past his boss and makes his way to Alucard. "Kiss the son lest he be angry, and ye perish from the way... when his wrath is kindled but a little!"
Tyrain readies his blades while Alucard points his guns at the insane priest. Alucard and Tyrain then begin to laugh in a disturbing manner.
"Kick his butt Uncle Qrow!" Ruby says.
Blake looks at the encounter as a dribble of blood falls from her nose. She then pulls out a pen and paper before scribbling something down.
Velvet suddenly shows up with a group of seniors.
"Right this way, group B! That's right! Right'n front'a everyone else! You're 80! You're used to it. We're going to look at art and paintings, which I believe are also art. I don't know! I'm Cockney! I'm uncultured!"
"...Cock blocked." Blake quietly mutters.
Yang glances at her partner and notices the paper in her hands.
"What you got there, Blakey?" Yang asks.
"Nothing!" Blake exclaims as she clutches the paper to her chest.
Alucard holsters his guns with a sigh. "Uhh. Welp, my boner's gone."
"Ew." Ruby says with a look of disgust.
Tyrain holsters his blades. "Aye. Kind of a mood killer."
"Wanna try this again some other time?"
"Of course! Kill you later, ya monstrous heathen."
Alucard and Tyrain walk away from one another as Velvet continues leading the seniors.
"You too, you Catholic sociopath. Whoops, tautology!"
Mercury looks disturbed by the encounter. "...You want some coffee?"
Winter looks equally disturbed. She then sighs in relief. "I'd love some."
"Why does my sister have to work with someone so...insane?" Weiss thinks while facepalming.
Scene change to Winter and Mercury sitting outside.
"So... the letter you sent never specified the purpose of this meeting."
"Consider this a business transaction. I have two pieces of information that I wish to trade with you."
"And what information would that be?" Weiss asks.
"And what would those be?"
"The true identity of the White Fang.
Blake groans as another alcoholic drink materializes in her hand. The faunus waste no time chugging it down. Yang sees her partner drink and frowns.
"Blake, after seeing how bad Qrow was before, you really wanna do this?" Yang asks.
"First; I can quit when I want to. Second; Your uncle's not here." Blake says.
"Who?"
"The organization who assailed your compound."
"Oh yeah; there was some debate over that."
"And the whereabouts of said White Fang."
"He knows where they are?" Weiss asks.
"Probably wants something." Roman says. "Information like that comes at a price."
"And what could you possibly want in exchange?"
"Oh, nothing major. Just two simple apologies from you and your subordinate known as "TheCrimsonFuckr"! Also known as Alucard."
Yang scoffs. "Yeah, good luck with that."
"...So you want an apology from me."
"I figured, but didn't want to assume."
"And, by chance, what would I have to apologize to the Iscariot Organization for?"
"Well, originally I'd ask you to apologize for being a scum-sucking, blaspheming, ignorant, Protestant pig sow! But in this case, the sins of your pet vampire are of greater concern."
"What do he do this time?" Weiss asks with a twitching eyebrow.
"C-calm down Weiss." Ruby says hesitantly. She then hands Weiss a cookie. "Have a cookie."
Weiss stares at her partner for a moment before taking the snack. She then shoves the whole thing in her mouth.
"What did he do this time?"
"Over the last couple of years, he has sent no less than 200 death threats to the Pope. By carrier pigeon, no less! They just... fly right into the Vatican! The latest one read as such... *clears throat* "Dear Chief Replacement..."
Alucard continues reading letter. "I wanted to send you this friendly little letter to inform you of your imminent demise. If you're curious about the frequency of which I've sent these letters, it is merely to instill as much fear as I can. As if basting a turkey. Which I will then proceed to have sex with."
"That's right."
"I'm going to FUCK the fear turkey."
"Follow me on Twitter TheCrimsonFuckr!"
Mercury wraps up the rest. "Sincerely, Alucard".
"For the record, he's real." Blaze says. "Last time he posted, he was in a rap video."
"Really?" Yang asks.
"Oh, yeah." Blaze says.
Blaze snaps his fingers. The video screen then changes to the video in question.
"Whipping out my Jackals, so you know I bring the hounds
I'mma gun 'em down round, after round, after round
After round, after round, I'll be rounding them out
Up the body count, I be leaving puddles on the battleground
Getting loud, I be striking on the clock like Big Ben
When in doubt I'mma up the ante like a pitch bend
Your life is in danger, so major
The barrel is aimed like auf wiedersehen "
Blaze snaps his fingers again and the video pauses. Everyone stares at the video in shock and awe. As one, the Remnantians turn to the young god.
"Tell me you can download that video." Yang says.
"Later." Blaze says. "For now, back to the show."
Blaze snaps his fingers and resumes the original video.
"...I can't help but ponder the frightful headway we'd make if he put that sort of energy into his job."
"Soo... that apology~?"
"Oh, he is just enjoying this." Ruby says with a pout.
Winter sighs. "... I'm sor-" Scene quickly changes to Winter and Ozpin at the Hellsing Mansion. "So that's where they are."
"Typical." Cinder says with a frown.
"Interesting. But do you think Alucard will go?"
"Not as long as it's an order."
"I think I have an idea..."
"Oh, like this won't totally backfire." Oscar says.
"Now now, I have faith in my counterpart." Ozpin says. "I'm sure he has an excellent plan."
Scene change to Ozpin and Alucard.
"Did you know you have vacation days?"
You were saying?" Oscar thinks with a deadpan.
Ozpin sighs.
"I have vacation days!? You mean I can leave anytime I want and not get yelled at over the phone? Because seriously, it's always over the phone! Mostly because I don't like to argue with her in person. I get a boner. It's super awkward."
Weiss makes a straggling noise as she incredulously looks at Alucard.
"Quite."
"Well, that settles it. I'm going traveling!"
"Yes, you can go anywhere you wish... except for Brazil. Sir Winter was quite insistent that you never visit Brazil."
*Beats*
"He's so going to go just to screw over Winter." Jaune says.
"Jaune." Weiss says in a threatening tone. "One more comment like that and I'll freeze what makes you a man."
Jaune crosses his legs. "I'll be good!"
"Talk about getting blue balled." Yang snickers.
"Boo!" Blaze says.
"Takin'-the-Police-Girl-and-the-Coffee-Chick."
Scene change to Alucard and Coco on the Hellsing private jet.
"So where is the police girl?"
"Oh, you know, she's downstairs."
"Is that not the cargo hold?" Penny asks.
"Why would Velvet be there?" Pyrrha asks.
"Isn't that the cargo hold?"
Meanwhile in the cargo hold.
"I have a fear of flying, coffins, and tight place-heess...!" Velevt weeps from within the coffin.
The heroes are stunned by Alucard's treatment of his fledgling. ...Well, except one.
"Somehow, that doesn't surprise me." Blake says.
Scene changes to Brazil.
"Jesus wants a hug!"
Blaze's eyes widen slightly. "Oh, that's right! I gotta call him later."
"There we are - a regular two bedroom."
"Hilarious. No, I want the penthouse."
"And what makes you think he'll just give it to you?" Yang asks.
"I'm... sorry, sir. Mr. Chevy Chase currently has that room reserved."
Alucard points at the hotel clerk and speaks hypnotically. The clerk's eyes then turn red. "I said... you want to give me the penthouse."
"I... want to give you the penthouse."
"Okay, just how many powers does this guy have?!" Jaune exclaims.
"And you want to kick out Chevy Chase because he's an asshole."
"And I want to kick out Chevy Chase because he's an asshole."
"See this, JavaBean? I can make him say whatever I want. Watch. White Chicks was amazing."
"White Chicks was amazing!"
"He believes it too!"
"Eugh!"
Weiss turns to Blaze. "Was the movie really that bad?"
"It's a matter of perspective really." Blaze says.
Scene change to penthouse suite.
"Scarlet Tampon to Sticky Sock. TheCrimsonFuckr has checked in. I repeat: TheCrimsonFuckr has checked in. Also, I'm choosing the goddamn nicknames next time!"
Roman burst out laughing. Neo not far behind him as she silently giggles.
"So, if zis doesn't sound weird... would you... maybe like to get a drink later? Hit up a club?"
"You're not my friend, you're my body guard. Make it past two weeks, I might learn your name. Until then, you're spare blood."
"Hey, she was trying to be nice!" Ruby says.
"Jeez, fine!"
"Also, tell that guy to stop spying on me; it's creepy!"
The spy quickly leaves while saying "shit" over and over.
"Now that I'm all by myself... I can just kick back and reeeela-"
Scene change to later that day as sirens and shouting can be heard on TV.
"Shots fired from the penthouse suite on the top floor."
"How did he get in trouble again?!" Weiss exclaims.
"What?"
"The initial SWAT team has not reported back, leading officials to fear the worst."
Coco does a spit take.
Scene change to Tyrain watching the report on TV.
"The terrorist duo inside is comprised of a young British woman, and some Ozzy Osbourne-looking motherfucker."
Tyrain laughs maniacally as he watches the news report.
Scene change to the Hellsing Mansion.
"On the phone. Get-him-on-the-phone! I-want-him-on-the-phone-RIGHT-NOW!"
Scene change to Alucard and Velvet.
Alucard's ringtone for Winter suddenly comes on.
"Wish I had that ringtone before." Roman mutters as he glances at Cinder.
"Hold on a minute, I gotta take this." Alucard answers his phone. "Yello~?"
"What. Did you do?"
"That's what I wanna know." Weiss says irritability.
"Alright. *Beat* But you can't be mad at me."
"What. Did you do?"
"Okay, first... I was minding my own business."
Winter slams her hands on her desk. "BULLSHIT!"
"BULLSHIT!" Everyone but Ruby and Penny exclaims.
"I waaas!"
"And exactly what happened whilst you were "minding your own business"?"
"So, I was just chillaxin' in my room like a baller, then all of a sudden these shmucks kicked in my door!"
(Flashback)
A SWAT team makes a forced entry into Alucard's room.
"One of them yelled out:"
"Get on your knees!"
"And I responded with: I'M NOT YOUR MOTHER LAST NIGHT! ...And they took exception to that."
The SWAT team shoots Alucard down to a bloody pulp.
"That's not gonna last." Jaune says. He then pauses. "Weird, thought I'd be puking after seeing all that blood."
"But you know how that song and dance goes..."
Alucard decimates the team down to a man.
"...Aaand I killed all but one of them."
"What happened to the last one?"
The remaining operative whimpers in fear before firing a bullet in his own head.
"Pussed out like a bitch! Silver lining - I can cancel my room service!"
"So, he really didn't do anything wrong." Ruby says.
Scene change to outside the hotel.
"So, we've sent like, 10 guys up there and we haven't heard back. Think everything's alright?"
"Of course, don't worry about it. Everything's fine."
Neo happily points to the screen.
"Well, what do you know? I'm here too." Roman says with a grin.
"You do realize that you're likely to die at the hands of Alucard, right?" Cinder asks smugly.
Roman waves off Cinder's response. "Been there, done that. Try harder next time you wanna insult me."
"Back off, Cindy." Blaze says with a slight glare. "I'll have you know that Roman is one of my favorite characters in this universe."
"Really?" Roman asks. He then grins. "I'm flattered."
Neo claps.
"Well... no matter what we're still going to get our immortality, right?"
"Hahaha! I bribed them with immortality?" Roman laughs. "Hilarious!"
"Buddy, my friend, do I look like the kinda guy who would go back on an agreement? By the way... you may want to send more men."
"...Well, that sounds reasonable."
"And that proves how idiotic humans can be." Salem says with a sigh.
Scene change to Winter at the mansion.
Alucard can be heard snacking on the remains of the SWAT team on the intercom. "You've been like, really quiet for like, five minutes. Oh I know why you're angry! It's because I went to Brazil, isn't it?"
"What do you think?" Weiss asks rhetorically.
"Alucard... put the police girl on the phone."
"Really? You want to talk to- ...Okay, fine. Whatever. Take the fucking call."
"What does she want?"
"I don't fucking know, she wanted to talk to you. I'm going for a walk."
The sound of a door closing can be heard.
"'Ello?"
"Whatever you do, do not let Alucard leave that room, under any circumstance!"
"Actually, he just left. He said he was going for a walk."
Winter's eyes widen. "NOOO!"
"NOOO!" Everyone yells along with Winter.
Scene change.
Alucard walks into a hallway with multiple SWAT guns trained on him.
"Hey guys, how's your health plan?"
The operatives fire at will.
"APPARENTLY, IT'S GREAT!"
Alucard proceeds to massacre the operatives.
"Ozpin... be honest with me... What are we looking at in terms of collateral?" Winter asks in despair.
Alucard exits the elevator full of dead operatives.
"Well...the Alucard amount."
Bystanders scream as the massacre continues outside.
"Gotta admit, Alucard knows how to make an entrance." Yang says.
"I heard you know how to make an entrance. If I had known you were going to do all this, I'd have hung some Union Jacks for you."
Ruby glares at her version of the Dandy Man. "How are you so calm about this?!"
Roman shrugs his shoulders. "Not my fault they're idiots."
"Hold on... did you put all this on for me? Who are you?"
Roman bows. "I am Roman Torchwick, or the "Dandy Man". I may or may not have fed a lie to the local authorities that in return for your capture, I would give them immortality."
"And they fuckin' bought that?"
"Like discount peixe."
Alucard grins in amusement. "You cheeky dick-waffle! So then, what's the deal?"
"A cute choice of words." Roman pulls out a playing card. "I wish to play a card game, vampiro."
"What, we talking 52 Pickup?"
"Noo; more like 52 CUTUP!"
Roman somehow launches a bunch of cards at Alucard that have enough force to shatter solid concrete.
"I like this version of me." Roman says with a grin. "Wonder if I can do that. Never discovered my Semblance, so there's a chance."
Alucard jumps down the stairs to avoid Roman's attack.
"Hit mee~!" Alucard is forced to quickly dodge again. "Whoop!"
Alucard continues to dodge Roman's attacks while the operatives take the blows instead. All this happening while Winter watches the events play out on TV.
"Oh my God, why are they doing this outside?! Well at least he's just dodging them." Winter then sees Alucard continuously fire bullets, which miss and kill the police instead. "Oh, come on, that was on purpose!"
"You're the one who jinxed yourself." Roman says while Neo nods in agreement.
Alucard shoots the "Dandy Man", who turns out to be a clone made of cards.
"Ooh! Card Clones?" Roman asks excitingly.
"Why do the bad guys get the cool powers?" Jaune asks in despair.
Pyrrha pats Jaune shoulder in comfort.
"So, he can make card clones."
An explosion suddenly knocks Alucard off his feet.
"You got cocky." Yang says.
"You activated my trap card." Roman then snaps fingers.
"I feel like that is a reference to something." Weiss says.
"Oh, you'll see." Blaze's thinks with a Cheshire grin.
"Oh boy!" Alucard says as he gets caught in the subsequent explosion.
Roman chuckles, thinking that he's won.
"Hey, Dandy Dick!" Roman turns around to see his foe clinging to the side of the hotel. "You missed!" Alucard then runs up the building. Woop-woop-woop-woop-woop-woop-woop-woop-woop-woop!"
"He's not trying, is he?" Penny says as she folds her arms.
"...I think that was another reference." Jaune says
Scene change to the corrupt police officials.
"Do you think Torchwick can take him?"
"Maybe not, but I'll danm sure make him work for it." Roman says.
"Calm down man, it's fine. I'm just focused on what I'm gonna do with my immortality."
"Joke's on you; I'm getting double immortality! Huh-?"
Yang looks at the screen. "...They seriously believe that?"
Ozpin couldn't help but mentally facepalm. Salem couldn't stop herself from massaging her temples.
Coco, disguised as a SWAT operative, shoots the police in the tent.
"Un... deux... trois, quatre, cinq..."
"No, no no no no-!" A guard pleads before Coco continues shooting.
"Six, sept..." Coco hums Caffeine by Jeff Williams & Casey Lee Williams as she casually walks out of the tent while lighting a cigarette. She then detonates the tent and exhales. "...Now let's see what he thinks about having zat drink with me..."
"...Badass." Yang whispers in awe. The other heroes simply nod their heads.
Scene change to Alucard, on his knees with a long trail of blood behind him.
Cinder grins. "Get rekt, Branwen." Cinder pauses before blinking. "Why do I know that phrase?"
Alucard winces. "... Could use a drink right now. Not used to seeing this much of my own blood anymore. Guy's got magic cards... and magic hands."
"Oh my." Yang and Blake say suggestively.
"Tell me, Alucard - are you a betting man?"
"I believe that's your shtick."
"I'd like to make a little bet with you, crow." Roman draws his cards. "I'll end your life... with one hand."
Alucard rises to his feet. "I'll take that bet." Alucard stretches his arms out, with his coat bellows against the blood moon behind him. Bats began to gather around Alucard as well. "Now... HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT!"
The Dandy Man flings two cards at Alucard, to no effect as Alucard makes a familiar sign. "Oh, shame for you... ...You activated my Alu-card."
"He went Demon Mode!" Jaune exclaims.
Roman sighs. "Well, it was fun while it lasted."
Before Roman can question what just happened, he is forced to block a gunshot. "Que merda?" Roman then blocks more gunshots.
The gunshots actually came from Velvet.
"And Police Girl for the assist!" Yang says.
"GET SOOOOOOME!"
Roman continues to block Velvet's onslaught. "Guh! Putaaa!"
When she runs dry, Velvet tosses aside her rifle and brings out a BFG.
"I want that!" Ruby exclaims.
"You said you wanted Police Girls cannon." Blaze says heatedly. "You can't have both!"
Ruby pouts as she slumps into her seat. Penny pats her friend's head.
"Trump this!"
Velvet fires at Roman who barely manages to split the shell with a card. Forcing the pieces to land on either side behind him.
"I'm getting real tired of this shit!"
Demon Alucard appears behind Roman. "You and me both."
Roman turns around to throw another card, but Alucard catches his wrist and uses it as leverage to shatter the man's knee. Roman screams as blood spurts from his wound.
"Now show me your hand... DAAANDY MAAAAN!"
In one final clash, Alucard carves Roman's left arm in half lengthways with his hand.
"DAMN!" Everyone exclaims.
Yang winces as she grips her robotic arm.
The Dandy Man screams in excruciating agony, then whimpers as Alucard grasps his face.
"Hey, Dandy Man?"
"Huh?"
"You lost."
"Uh-huh."
"And now I have to read your mind..."
"Can we get a list of all the powers this guy has?" Weiss asks indignantly.
"Huh?"
"...by drinking all of your blood."
The Dandy Man whimpers before screaming.
"Om nom nom nom!" Alucard chomps Roman on the neck, enters his mind and sees a bunch of garish colors. "The fuck is this...? The fuck is that...? The fuck are those?"
Blake looks at the alcoholic drink in her hand. She then tosses it.
Alucard's vision changes to the Major with a White Fang flag behind him.
"Oh, hohohohohoho." Alucard's realization turns to genuine laughter and he claps while Roman bursts into flames before turning into ash."
"Whelp, now Winter can't deny it anymore." Yang says.
Weiss groans exasperatedly. "I'll feel bad for my sister's counterpart. Now she'll never hear the end of it."
"...Master?" Velvet asks nervously.
"Hold on! I need to tweet about this."
Scene change to Winter accessing Alucard's Twitter page.
Winter sees a Tweet marked "IT'S WHITE FANG. #calledit #bitcheslovecannons #fuckmotheringvampire". She then sighs in disgust.
"Sir Winter, is something the matter?"
"It's the fucking-!"
Scene change to White Fang HQ.
"White Fang~!" Adam sings.
"Wow, that was a quick change." Oscar says.
"I am so sorry, Major, for ze failure of ze Dandy Man."
"Who's that guy?" Ruby asks.
Ozpin takes over and growls. "Merlot."
"I take it you two have history?" Jaune asks unsurely.
"More than I'd care to admit." Ozpin grounds out.
"Ah, give it a rest, Herr Doctor. He was a Brazilian DOG who died feeding a much bigger beast a valuable piece of information."
"Not caring for his subordinates?" Blake asks dryly. "That's definitely Adam."
"He's still fat though." Yang says with a snicker.
"But Major, now that they know of our plans-"
"Ahh~, Herr Doctor~, but that is the plan. Now zat zey know our plan, zey will plan around our plan, and so ve shall in turn plan around ze plan that zey are planning around our plan!"
"...Your brilliance knows no bounds!"
Everyone groans at Melot's stupidity.
"And regardless... we have one advantage that zey sorely lack~... ZEPPELINS!"
"How is that an advantage?" Pyrrha asks.
"As good as this scene was, I feel like I lost a few braincells." Weiss says as she holds her head.
"Ditto." Everyone says.
And done!
Now, I just wanna address something. A lot of people have been giving me suggestions which universes the RWBY cast should watch. While I appreciate the suggestions, please don't be mad if I don't use them. I may be an anime fanatic, but there are some I either haven't watched or don't like.
That being said, I bet some of you found a hint at another universe I plan on using.
Credit to the rap video Blood by YouTube's Rustage.
See you next time. Until then, ja nee!