(Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter)

"I've made breakfast, your kind and merciful lordship!" Vernon woke his Great Lord. The angelic scent of bacon and pancakes wafted into Harry's room. He walked downstairs, after getting dressed.

"Good morning my loyal servants. I expect perfection." 11 year old Harry Shoemaker sat at his table, and he inspected it. "Food. To my liking, not over or under cooked. Lemonade, sweet and freshly squeezed. Newspaper is... wet." Harry ended, sounding eerily calm. Dudley immediately shrunk back. "Dudley... why is my newspaper wet?" Harry asked, still calm.

"Th-there was a storm, and it-it rained before I got it." Dudley stuttered. Harry glared at Dudley, before yelling at him.

"Then maybe, you should have gotten it BEFORE it rained!" Harry looked like he was seething. Dudley cowered. "Did you at least get my mail, without it being wet?" He asked. Dudley nodded, before grabbing it off the desk and putting it on Harry's table.

"Bills, taxes, bills, bills... A letter? And a fancy one too." He inspected the letter. Harry Shoemaker, 62049 Yeet Lane, Tealand, England. Hogmorts Academy of Masters. "Odd. Hogmorts Academy of Masters? Never heard of it." He opened it, and read the contents.

'Harry Shoemaker,

You have been friend invited to Hogmorts Academy of Masters, or HAMS. You will find a list of equipment that you can purchase in Horizont Ally.

A uniform. Kicks. A big bowl you can mix things with. Ebony gauntlets from the Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. A fire mixtape. A wand. And a pet of your chosing: A rat, cat, or bat.

Once you have all of these, go to Platform 9 24/25. There, you will board the Hogmorts car. Then you will be sorted into your fam.

Professor A. McGonaguyy

Harry hummed, pondering on whether he should go. He hated schools. But, it's called the Academy of Masters. And that is what Harry wants to be. But first, a punishment was in order. "Dudley, you got my newspaper wet. But you did deliver me my letters perfectly dry. I shall be merciful. One day in the Yeehouse." He declared. Dudley gasped and became pale. He fainted, and his parents sighed with relief.

"I will pack up and leave for this academy immediately-" Harry was interrupted with a huge crash. His door was blown open, and a giant man walked in.

"'Ello 'Arry, it's me, Rubeus Hierarchical grid. I'm 'ere to take you to 'Ogmorts Academy o' Masters." The hairy man said.

"Ah. Mr. Grid, shall we leave for HAMS?" Harry asked. Rubeus nodded, and Harry briefly left to pack his belongings. Before leaving, Harry told the Dursleys a few rules for when he was away. "No touching my things. And Dudley stays in the Yeehouse. If you break these rules, I will know, and come back. Good day." They left, hopping on Rubeus' flying unicycle.

After 2 hours, they reached the Ceaky Lauldron. "Password is, 'Snarry is gross.'" Hagrid said, and the wall to Horizont Ally, opened up.

"What's Snarry, Rubeus?" Harry asked inquisitively. Rubeus stopped, looking back to Harry.

"You'll know when yer older." Hagrid choked out. "Ahright, 'Arry, you go and find yer equipment." He waved his hand, motioning for Harry to go.
After two hours, Harry finally made it to Ollivansky's Wand place. Harry mentally checked off his list. All he needed now were the Ebony gauntlets, pet, and wand. He walked in, and immediately a small stick was thrown at him.

"The wand chooses the master, Mr. Shoemaker. It feels like just the other day your parents were here. Oh right, they were. Time travel. Anyway, give that wand a swish and a flick." Mikhail Ollivansky told him. Harry took the wand, and waved it. Suddenly, Mikhail was lit on fire. "Ahahaha, maybe not the wand for you. Try this one." He threw another wand at Harry, this one almost taking his eye out.

Harry waved the wand again, this time summoning water and ice on top of Ollivansky. "Err, nevermind that one..." Ollivansky suddenly took another one out, staring at it. "I wonder..." he whispered, taking the wand out. He ninja-threw it to Harry. This wand was pure black, with a black skull at the base, with glaring, glowing red eyes. Harry waved the wand. Out of nowhere, classical music started playing.

"Ah, the Dance of the Knights, by Sergei Prokofiev. Very good. But also, very curious. Yes, very curious." The old man commented.

"Er, what is curious exactly?" The boy asked, befuddled.

"11" darkskull wood, meme core. Mr. Shoemaker, I remember every wand I've supplied and to whom it belonged. I find it very curious that, the meme that gave you your core also gave another, your wand's twin if you would. The master who used this wand is the same who killed your parents, and gave you that scar, young Mr. Shoemaker."

Harry subconsciously felt the triangular, nacho shaped scar. "And who did all of this, sir?" he asked.

"Oh, but we do not speak his name, Mr. Shoemaker. For his name... is impossible to pronounce." the old man replied.

"Oh. Well uh, thanks for the wand and info I guess." Harry was interrupted by a knocking on the window. Rubeus stood, with some heavy looking black gauntlets, and a cage. In the cage was... a three-headed dog.