DARIA: A Cynic in Miss Frizzle's Class
Daria and all related characters are property of Viacom. The Magic School Bus and all related characters are property of Scholastic.
Chapter 1: An Offer You Should've Refused
"Miss…Morgendorffer, is it?" a well-dressed black man asked as he looked up from the paperwork.
"That's what they call me." Daria replied before proceeding to adjust her glasses.
The man's gaze flitted back down to the paperwork. "So, tell me– what brings you here to Walkerville Elementary?"
"Because, Mister Ruhle, one of my classmates back at Raft told me that this place had a reputation for weirdness, thus triggering a sense of morbid curiosity in the recesses of my mind." came the reply. "That and I felt I needed a change of pace from New England."
Ruhle nodded. "…I see. Anyways, you'll be working with one of our science teachers– Valerie Frizzle. Bit of a weird one, but she's nice as pie and a hit with the students."
Why do I suddenly feel as though I just made a huge mistake?
Must've just been the paranoia talking. Daria thought as she approached a seemingly-normal classroom door. Okay, Daria– here's the moment of truth. Be calm and act natural– well, natural-ish. She took a deep breath, pushed down the handle, and walked in. Standing there before her were about eight students and a Jackson's Chameleon, all intently focused on a nearby fishtank.
"Ahem." she said.
"Um, who are you?" one of the students asked.
Before Daria could get a word in edgewise, the door opened once again, this time revealing a red-haired woman on the cusp of middle age wearing a dark-blue dress adorned with patterns of marine life.
"Ah, good morning, class!" she proudly proclaimed as she waltzed in.
"Good morning, Miss Frizzle." the class said in unison.
"And I see we have a new arrival here today as well!" Miss Frizzle added. "Class, meet Miss Daria Morgendorffer, your new student teacher!"
"Hello." the latter said with all the enthusiasm (or lack thereof) she could muster. "Now, would any of you be willing to let me know what unit you've started on?"
" Why, the undersea world, of course!" Miss Frizzle exclaimed.
"Neat." Daria replied. "And I presume you have a lesson plan?"
"Naturally."
"Can I see it then?"
"Why of course! To the bus!"
"Wait, what bus?"
"So, how often do you guys get shanghaied into these impromptu field trips?" Daria asked as she looked out one of the bus's windows.
"Honestly, Miss Morgendorffer? I stopped counting a while ago." Tim replied.
Daria sighed. "Just…just tell me that this class functions like a regular one most of the time. You know, one with quizzes and textbooks and all that fun stuff."
Miss Frizzle let out a chuckle from her spot at the wheel. "Of course it does, Miss Morgendorffer! But let's be honest– why settle for just a mundane, humdrum classroom-bound education? After all, in the field, you can take chances, make mistakes, get messy!"
"For starters, I'm being graded on this and I can't afford to fail. Now please tell me this is going to be a normal field trip."
"With the Friz?" Wanda said, looming over the top of the seat.
"NO WAY!" all but one of the rest of the students exclaimed.
Yep, definitely should've turned this one down. Daria thought.
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
Yes, I'm taking another swing at crack fic, with this one hopefully being more in line with genre conventions than In Blackest Day proved to be. As for the why, a) my mind wanders to strange places, b) I'm surprised there hasn't been a fanfic where some poor soul ends up as a student teacher to Miss Frizzle, and c) who else to serve as a foil to that beloved peppy teacher of public television than such a notorious cynic as Daria?