Wet Behind the Ears

A mug of crimson beer overflowed, the sweet and spicy beverage gushing over the rim as the hand holding it jerked in unison with the coughing of liquid going down the wrong pipe. Darkness' hand patted at her friend's back in an attempt to help, after finally clearing the offending fluid Chris wiped her mouth with the back of her palm and stared at me, incredulous and disbelieving. "Hang on, he asked Aqua to purify him?!"

The thief had popped out of an alleyway as we made our way through the darkening streets of Axel, the sun barely peeking over the horizon as if refusing to cede its duty to the lamps that kept the town's streets moderately lit. Darkness had received a hearty slap on the shoulder as she jovially greeted the rest of us as one before suggesting we catch up at a nearby inn by the name of 'The Drunken Archer', winning the immediate support of Aqua and Megumin who dragged us there with all the strength their exhausted bodies could muster.

I nodded at the question. "Surprised me too, but all he wanted was to be reunited with his wife. Bloody romantic if you ask me." No one did, in fact I didn't even talk much about it on the way back since I was more concerned with further training my team as well as how to spend my newly acquired sum of skill points. Darkness increased her resilience again, to no one's surprise. Megumin poked at her card a little but hid it away when I asked what she was paying into, refusing to share. Aqua learned a couple party skills including something called 'Versatile Entertainer' for some reason, I really didn't know why since she can already sing, dance and craft but right now she was over at another table using it to imitate the voices of some of her newfound drinking buddies. Judging by their laughter it was a good impression.

Having caught up with Darkness, Chris eventually put down her empty mug and, while using a handkerchief to dry out her beer-soaked glove apologised for having to leave early. "Before you do," I interrupted. "I don't suppose you learned any new skills I could use?" She had, but it seems someone she had worked with in the past had foisted a job onto her and she couldn't exactly say no, but being the good person she is, offered to show me a skill and said I could pay her back later.

Chris stood from the bench and with a fork gripped loosely in her right hand she walked to stand behind me, Megumin and I turned to watch her movements but the Thief pointed towards the table and told me to look forward. My sixth sense arose, not an overwhelming sensation like the Dullahan or the giant slime, more like a soft hum. It's hard to describe exactly what it 'feels' like but I forced myself to remain calm, reminding my brain that it's just an acquaintance showing me a skill, I wasn't actually in danger. After a few seconds of waiting my patience was rewarded with a fork not-so gently poking me in the back. "It's called 'Ambush', you're welcome." A simple skill that enhanced damage done from behind or to the unaware, you could call it the first step from the Thief class onto the Assassin down the tree of rogue skills.

And once again I'm thinking of a stealth archer build, maybe I played a little too much Skyrim.

With a quick hug for Darkness and a smile to the two of us she was gone, as I massaged the point her weapon had struck I made a mental note to talk with one of the waitresses at the guild and see if I could put a little money on her tab. Megumin looked at me with a slight worried glow in her crimson eyes but I waved her off, it may not have been a serious attack but a jab to the kidneys can still hurt. I would have to inspect my armour later, I suspected I would find three shallow holes in a neat row.

"And this one's Bind!" Before I knew what was happening I found myself trussed up like a roast chicken as a thin length of rope coiled its way around my body, arms pressed against my torso and legs bound together. I was so surprised I tried to stand up and ended up falling out of my chair onto the floor. My teammates were quite amused, even Darkness who tried to chastise her friend in between giggles.

"Hey Johno, if you don't want me to eat your dinner raise your right hand." Megumin was already reaching for the plate, a cheeky grin on her face. "And your left for your drink." Before she could reach it though Chris was already there, snatching up my mug with a smarmy grin and a wink, the half-full beer disappearing with her as she left for real this time. Darkness lifted me back into my chair, leaving me with little to do but watch as Megumin the Black Hole scarfed down my supper as others in the building laughed.

After a while the spell wore off and I ordered another serving to replace what had been stolen. Eventually things wound down, Aqua's friends finished up their drinks and stumbled off, Darkness returned to her home after promising to meet us here tomorrow morning, and of course I was left with the job of carrying our Archwizard up to her room but to be fair since Aqua was carrying her new books I was willing to call us even. The two of them shared a room whilst I took the one next door.

As my head hit the pillow I silently wished Keele luck and hoped that Eris was watching out for him. Best if Aqua never found out.

The next day, after having gotten a blissful night's sleep in a rented bed we were reunited in the middle of someone having a second breakfast and decided to split up, Darkness going with Aqua to pawn off some of the gold, jewels, baubles and ancient coins from Keele whilst Megumin and I would head to Wiz's shop to see if we could identify or sell some things from the loot or my new ring.

Back when we made to leave Keele's dungeon I had thought that I could use his gift to make our trip to Axel easier by reducing our load, unfortunately it seems that even a divine artifact has its limits and my every attempt to lighten our burden ended in failure, prompting Aqua to compare it to "A cupboard that got over-filled so when you open the door something falls out." Which, after a moment's thought I realised was possibly accurate. If Aqua's assertion that the gift items given to people like me lose a portion of their power in anyone else's hands then the obvious assumption must be that Keele's storage ring now had a much reduced capacity compared to when he carried it. Which left the second question of how long would things last in storage? A not quite endless supply of fresh food would be immensely useful while adventuring, especially if we had to go on any rescue missions. It's a shame every party didn't have one of these.

I had been told that storage rings were a highly valuable magic tool and the way of creating them had been lost ever since the kingdom Keele himself came from collapsed, so those that did turn up often sold for millions. I did wonder why the gods would send someone here with a magic item that a skilled craftsman could make but I suppose that's the difference between a magic sword that can spit fire and a divine one that can split a mountain.

The streets of Axel weren't as busy as when we left, it seemed that most people were staying indoors and out of trouble. As the magic item store came into sight I glanced at my teammate. "So, looking for anything in particular?" She hadn't come with us last time but we had told Megumin about how Wiz's selection wasn't the most impressive. "No, but someone has to make sure you don't give everything away for free." I snorted, thinking that was supposed to be a joke. "Why the hell would I do that?" Turning her head to face me, Megumin stared with eyes that in the shade of her hat seemed to glow in frustration. "I've seen you shop, it's like you never learned how to haggle. And besides," She continued, refocusing on her march towards the store. "I don't trust her." My eyes moved over a mother and her young child approaching from the other direction, a tight grip on the little boy's hand was the only thing stopping him from running amok as he excitedly babbled about something his friends had done or said.

After they had passed I stepped closer to my teammate, leaning in and putting a hand on her shoulder. "If this is because she's a you-know-what," I whispered the last part as we reached the building, wary of any eavesdroppers no matter how little attention the few people sharing the street seemed to be paying us. "You know she could have killed us both at the cemetery if she wanted." Megumin had frozen when I touched her, now she stared at me with twin pools of burning crimson. I removed my hand. Rather than respond verbally the tiny Archwizard just huffed and threw open the door, the bell hanging from it jingled violently in announcement of our arrival.

"Good morning! Welcome back Johnathan and... I'm sorry, I don't think we were introduced." Wiz was standing behind her counter, her amber eyes crinkled happily at seeing a customer so early in the day. At my side Megumin puffed herself up and took two steps forward, flicking her cloak out and throwing a hand towards the businesswoman, fingers splayed out as though she was casting a spell. "My name is Megumin, Archwizard of the most destructive magic and the one feared across the lands!" The lich looked unmoved by her little display and introduced herself with a kind smile so I assumed she's had dealings with Crimson Mazoku before. I walked past the girl, once again pulling her hat down to cover her face as I did so.

"Morning Wiz, I've got some things I don't know what to do with and was wondering if you'd like to buy any of it." As soon as i finished saying this Megumin retaliated to my hat-pulling with a kick that a flare of Danger Sense let me avoid by taking a casual step forward, further incensed by her failure my adorable young temmate decided to stomp on my foot as she moved past. I did my best to not react and let her take control of the negotiations.

Megumin was right, I never was one for haggling but the way she spoke to Wiz and the relentless, dogged manner she used to bring the prices in our favour... I didn't want to call it vicious but I felt a little sorry for the poor woman. And this was just deciding how to split the percentages. The sad fact was that Wiz's store couldn't actually afford to buy even half of what we were offering, so instead we worked out a deal where she would hold onto and sell the items then the profits would be split. Considering we got everything for free, no matter what they sold for we both stood to make a few bob.

Since I had little better to do I decided to distract myself by looking through Wiz's range, I may have seen a bit of it the first time but not everything, including a bottle of oily brown fluid that I plucked from a shelf of similarly labelled jars. I hadn't even managed to read the label before our host spoke up in her bell-like voice. "Please be careful, that potion will explode if you open it." After confirming that the saleswoman was in fact not joking I gently put down the glass before reaching for one next to it. "That one will explode when it receives an impact." Wordlessly I put it back before pointing at another. "That one will explode in water."

Having finally realised we had been talking about explosions in front of the most destructive little Archwizard in Axel I threw a concerned glance in her direction only to find a pair of folded arms and an annoyed scowl. "What? Those meagre concoctions shall never be a match for the greatest spell to exist!" That was a relief, unfortunately it did nothing to remove the mental image of Megumin wearing a bandolier of explosives and throwing them whilst cackling madly with an unlit cigar clenched between her teeth.

She does seem the type to love the smell of napalm in the morning.

Eventually the pair hashed out an agreement and I rejoined the conversation, drawing the first item out of storage that I felt we could part with. Wiz's eyes lit up at the sight of a full bushel of black harpy feathers, apparently those could be used as ingredients or simply for accessories and clothing, either way we had no use for them so after agreeing on a minimum sale price they were handed over and I drew out the next item.

What felt like hours later we had gone through and made note of everything that I was willing to sell - reagents, trinkets, tokens and tools; there was still a large amount of items in the ring but I either wanted to hold onto those for the time being or intended to sell them elsewhere. I may not be a native to this land but any gamer knew that ores and metals were sold to the blacksmith, not the item shop.

It's a shame Keele didn't keep any weapons or armour in the ring, I guess as a mage he just didn't have use for them. Although I was curious about the small amount of food in there, a pity most of it was travelling rations and some seeds that I didn't know if they were food or resources.

"There was one more thing." Wiz managed to drag her eyes away from the new stock, her eyes gleaming at the thought of so many rare and valuable items that people might actually want to buy. I gestured to Megumin, she responded by taking from her belt the gem-encrusted dagger that had been part of the treasure sitting by Keele's side in the dungeon. "This weapon was retrieved at great risk from the depths of an uncharted catacomb, and though it pains me to admit but its enchantment eludes my reckoning." Stated the young wizard in her typical exaggerated fashion.

Wiz blinked and glanced at the curved blade and its ornate sheath. "You want me to identify it for you?" She asked as Megumin tried to keep a straight face at her spiel being completely ignored. I stifled a chuckle. "And if you could, this one as well please." I asked as I reached for the knife I had won from Chris just a few weeks ago. I probably should have tried to find out what the enchantment on it was earlier but between missions with my new party, taking little miss Explosion for her daily walks and then with the Dullahan it had unfortunately slipped my mind. I did ask Chris when I first won it but she just smiled, put a finger to her cheek and said 'That's a secret'.

Identifying Megumin's knife was about as simple as Wiz picking it up and giving it a once-over before explaining that it was a Mage Dagger, an enchanted weapon made for a spellcaster as a backup focus should their staff or wand be broken or unavailable. An old custom that fell out of favour generations ago - mainly because a mage dagger crafted by a master smith can cost almost as much as an equivalent staff - though some experienced magic users swear by it, claiming they wouldn't be alive today if not for them.

Shining red eyes gazed at me, silently asking a question that I answered with a smile and a nod. With a triumphant grin she took back the weapon and sheathed it at her side, proudly striking another pose as she boasted how the blade was meant for her, having waited centuries in a lonely crypt for one who was worthy. This kid, when she originally asked to hold onto the blade she mumbled something about how 'gold was better than silver', but now that it turns out it could actually suit her she acts like... well, herself. Adorable little nerd.

Unfortunately identifying my dagger did not go as smoothly, when I held it out for Wiz to take she barely managed to touch the handle before recoiling with a shriek. I was so startled I dropped it, the forged steel clattered on the benchtop as she looked at me, pained golden eyes brimming with tears. Her fingers were the angry red of peeled skin and weeping sores, burned like she had pressed them onto a hot stove and tried to hold on despite the searing pain. I started spewing out apologies, instinctively ducking my head down in shame. "Is there anything I can do? I don't know healing magic, I have some holy water but that would probably hurt. Are there any non-holy healing spells?" I turned to Megumin as I asked, she shook her head. "Only potions." My teeth clenched in frustration. I hadn't meant for this to happen, all I wanted was to find out what Chris gave me and now I was responsible for an innocent woman being hurt.

"Actually," Wiz began, an uncertain tone in her voice as she cradled her injured hand. "There is a skill but adventurers don't typically learn it." My gaze was locked to where she had touched the blade but I could still see her expression. She looked hesitant, vulnerable, so much so that I wanted nothing more than to make her feel better. "How can I help?" Slowly she reached out across the bench, her pale skin standing out against the dark purple robes. "Please, give me your hand." I felt Megumin tense beside me. Wiz's skin was as cool to the touch as I remembered, her soft fingers cradled mine as she licked her lips, readying herself. "Forgive me, but this will hurt a little." That was all the warning I received before my sixth sense rang and her hands shined with a purple glow.

"Drain touch."

The best way I can describe the sensation was that it felt like being electrocuted in reverse, not that I have ever actually been electrocuted. Instead of searing energy entering my body, burning flesh internally and forcing muscles to contract, I felt something being pulled from me as my hand went slack and unresponsive. When I was released Wiz looked much better, she stood there looking refreshed and energetic, even her complexion seemed less pale whereas I felt like I had just sprinted two hundred metres. "Are you alright?" Megumin asked, her hand on my back in concern. I managed a tired smile, red eyes peered at me like I was being examined as I focused on keeping my heartrate stable. "I'm okay, but thanks."

The skin on Wiz's hand was healed and blemish-free, I sure as hell may not have enjoyed it but that was definitely an effective technique. "So, what exactly was that?" Her voice tinkled as she answered with a relieved smile. "Oh, it's only Drain Touch, a skill used by high-tier undead." I nodded thoughfully, wizards and mages always need a short-range skill as backup for when the enemy gets close, I was glad that Wiz had something to protect herself.

The dagger remained on the benchtop where it had fallen, none of us had moved to touch it. "So, I'm sorry again, but why did that happen?" Amber eyes looked to the small, unassuming blade. "Only a sanctified weapon would have that kind of effect, and considering how high my level is it must have been a powerful Archpriest to lay the enchantment." Despite the previous anxious mood I gave a single laugh at that. "If I had known about that earlier I wouldn't have asked Aqua to bless my sword back in the dungeon." Without that blessing I would have had to rely solely on magic for that ridiculous amount of undead we had faced, a pity Darkness hadn't been willing to let Aqua bless her own weapon.

Wiz shook her head at my words. "A sanctified weapon is far more powerful than an ordinary blessing." A hand rose up to her chin in thought. "Although since it's Lady Aqua she could surely manage it."

I asked what she meant, unlike an ordinary blessing which is a priest skill that temporarily buffs a weapon with divine power, vastly increasing its effectiveness against undead and demons a Sanctified Weapon is a permanent enchantment, woven into the very steel of the blade. The technique to creating one requires a priest and blacksmith to work in tandem to create the weapon with both of their skills poured into its forging, making it not only time-consuming but quite expensive.

And Chris just handed it over like it was an ordinary dagger to someone she had just met. Darkness had a really good friend, I was going to shout her so many drinks next time I see her.

"Hang on, if it was a holy weapon why didn't Aqua identify it?" I wondered aloud, causing Megumin to chime in for the first time in minutes. "Did you ask her?" I should have realised that before I said anything. "...Fair point." Before I could blame myself for hoping my blue-haired acquaintance would show the basest wisdom or initiative I was distracted by another thought.

A magic weapon with a potent, permanent holy enchantment, why would a thief need that? What kind of missions did she go on, I might have to ask Darkness later. Thieves were always in demand for ruins and dungeons so maybe she thought it was necessary, undead to tend to spawn in those kinds of places after all.

A tugging at my shirtsleeve distracted me. "Hm?" Megumin was looking at me with a slight expression of concern on her face. "You've been staring at nothing for a while now." I apologised and assured her that I was just thinking, the little wizard seemed unconvinced. "You looked like you were trying to decide whether to learn the skill or not." For a moment I was confused, I almost asked what she was talking about, believing she could not seriously be expecting me to learn an undead skill before I remembered that Wiz herself had said it's not one learned typically. 'Typically'. That should mean it was at least possible. I quickly dug into a pocket, looking for my adventurer card. On the small rectangle I found the words 'Drain Touch' clearly printed. I could not help the laugh that bubbled out of me.

"I'm a blue mage!"

Megumin and Wiz looked at each other before turning their equally confused gazes onto me. "What do you mean, Johno?" Asked my teammate, her large hat leaning dangerously sideways as she tilted her head in curiosity.

"There's a school of thought in my homeland that different forms of magic can be colour coded. Healing and purification would be white, so Aqua for example would be classed as a white mage. Megumin," I looked her in the eyes as I felt an excited grin stretch across my face. "As a wielder of raging, elemental fury would be considered a black mage. And someone who practices multiple types of magic and armed combat is called a red mage."

"Like yourself?" Wiz's question interrupted the brief pause I left to give myself time to try to bullshit my way through my pseudo-lecture, Megumin was too busy calling herself a 'wielder of elemental fury' to notice. "Exactly."

"However a blue mage is something different, rather than spending years studying and choosing their preferred school of magic a blue mage has a natural, inborn ability to learn the magic of monsters." This time I paused for dramatic effect. "It is considered a dangerous path to take however, since most monsters aren't exactly willing to teach humans the best way for a Blue Mage to learn a skill is to be hit by one." If Darkness hadn't taken the curse of death for Megumin, does that mean that I would be able to use it now? That would be a formidable ability, I can't imagine that the Demon King would have an Archpriest willing to cast Break Spell on him so could the climactic battle of good and evil really be as simple as casting one spell then running away and waiting for him to die in a week? Seems a bit dishonourable, but if it works. "Or in some cases, eat them." Wiz did not look as disgusted by that as I had anticipated, it made me wonder just how far the people of this world go in consuming monster flesh. Giant frogs is one thing, but anyone who offers me a plate of some eldritch abomination will find themselves wearing it.

Wiz's silvery voice interrupted my train of thought. "Fascinating, I've never heard of this theory before." A single pale finger touched her chin in contemplation before she turned those doe-like golden eyes on me. "Where are you from?"

Maybe I should have kept my mouth shut.

It was close to lunch by the time we left Wiz's shop, I had tested the ring's capacity with a few eris coins but unfortunately it seemed it was still at its limit. A pity, I was looking forward to getting rid of my heavy kit - I would need to keep the backpack on of course, a traveller without obvious supplies is sure to rouse suspicion.

"Say, Johno..." An errant gust of wind blew as Megumin began, the young girl brushing a strand of dark hair behind her ear as she spoke, refusing to look in my direction. "It's a nice day, maybe we could get a boxed lunch and go outside for a while?"

If it had been anyone else I would have thought she was asking me on a date, but since this was Megumin her intentions were clear as day. I could understand at least, she was too exhausted to do anything besides eat and sleep the last couple of days so the chance to her was probably too good to pass up.

"If you think I'm letting you cast Explosion after the trouble it's caused, you're dreaming."

She argued of course, almost all the way back to the guild. It's a lucky thing the streets were as bare as they were, I did not need to hear a young girl talk about her 'explosive juices' building up, or the 'deep, burning need' she felt to cast her magic against a big, hard target.

Hopefully Aqua and Darkness had some luck with their job, a nice windfall should be good for our morale.

Returning to the adventurer's guild for the first time in days was a sad sign of how quickly things in Axel had changed since the dullahan had arrived. Empty tables that were normally few and far between now outnumbered if not doubled the amount of parties that sat sullenly in between quests. Even the guild staff, who were normally run off their feet serving food, drinks and conversing with adventurers had time on their hands, a trio of waitresses stood outside the kitchen talking in hushed voices.

If it wasn't for the fact that Luna was already talking to Aqua I might have thought there was little point to even come here at all.

Impossibly, it seems that Beldia's presence outside Axel was not our most immediate danger. A quest that had been hanging on the board for over a month now had finally become enough of a concern that the guild was taking steps to see it taken care of.

Brutal Alligators. A semi-aquatic monster that makes their home in bodies of water, the filthier the better and the more there were the filthier it became. With their presence in the lake upstream the people were having trouble acquiring fresh drinking water, the river through town had become tainted and foul. The Saint was doing what he could to help but as a low level magician he had nowhere near the reserves to ensure the water security of the entire populace. The number of wells scattered around town were already beginning to run dry and the aid given by priests and wizards approached by increasingly desperate locals was a bandaid solution at best.

I decided that this was definitely worth our time.

"Luna, how big do these 'brutal alligators' grow?" I know I had read the difference between alligators and crocodiles years ago but I could never remember it, something about the jaw or teeth? "Three metres on average, but there are stories of them growing up to ten metres long." That was beginning to sound less like a croc and more like a small dragon.

How on earth was I supposed to keep Aqua safe from those things as she purified the lake? I had a couple ideas but they either involved a lot of ice magic or a very strong cage and some clarification on exactly what the Goddess of Water was capable of.

It turns out the guild has cages, I shouldn't have been surprised. Back on Earth history had clear records of things like gladiators fighting lions centuries ago and nowadays had zoos, wildlife reserves and rich idiots buying animals like tigers and hippos just to show how stupidly wealthy they were. So after borrowing a reinforced cage plus a horse and carriage to transport them we had made our way to the lake less than two hours upstream from town, as we walked Darkness explained the troubles they had trying to sell Keele's riches.

The good news was that the others had not been robbed or mugged on their errand, the bad was that most if not all of the wealthier merchants of Axel had decided their best course of action after learning of one of the Demon King's generals practically camped outside the town was to shut up shop and flee. Thus, Aqua and Darkness had returned to the guild empty-handed apart from a couple sacks of gold and trinkets that we could neither sell nor eat. I do remember the guild had some scales behind the counter, maybe they could help us out with the old coins at least.

The lake itself was rather serene, if the water was blue like it was supposed to be I would have called it idyllic, a good place for a picnic surrounded by lush trees and some rather large lily pads floating in the water

The fact that it was named 'Riverhead Lake' in English meant that someone from Earth had been the one to name it. Not the most imaginative name but who am I to judge.

We backed the horse and cart to a shallow part near the outlet leading to Axel and with myself and Darkness' strengh - I may have needed a strength buff from Aqua - unloaded the cage and moved it until the water was a little over a foot deep from its base. With it in position and the horse tied to a tree so it couldn't run when the crocodiles showed up I opened the cage and ushered Aqua in, quickly going over the plan once more before locking it shut.

"You won't abandon me if things go wrong, right?" Aqua gazed at me with worried eyes and a slight tremble in her lips, I reached through the bars and took one of her hands in mine. Her skin was always soft, no matter what kind of work she had been doing. "Never."

That was two hours ago, and my goddess' tune had changed.

"John, I'm bored."

Like most children, Aqua was only able to entertain herself for a short while before making her complaints known. I placed my hands around my mouth and raised my voice so she could hear me from where the other three quarters of our party was standing, putting a hold on our quiet, idle chatter.

"You're the one who wanted to come here, don't tell me you're giving up already."

Aqua really didn't want to quit, the siren call of money was too tempting, but on the other hand even the Goddess of Water can only be amused by splashing around in an enclosed space for so long. "Can you sing or something?" I blinked. "What?"

"Sing me a song! I'm bored out of my mind, do you know how many times I've counted these stupid bars?"

She was sounding a bit frustrated, and the pool of pure, crystalline blue around the cage proved that she was working hard. Or at least that her claim of being able to purify the entire lake just by touching it for long enough was true. I didn't know any songs native to this world but there were more than a few from home I remembered easily enough. A fitting one came to mind.

"She's been standing at the edge of the water long as she can remember, never really knowing why."

Definitely not my favourite song but one I had heard more than enough to memorise, it filled me with a strong feeling of melancholy as I could not help but remember the reason I had heard it so often. Soon enough I was finished and Darkness and Megumin were looking at me strangely, I know breaking into song is unusual for us who don't live in a musical but their focus was a little unnerving. "What?"

"Johno, what language was that?"

"I'm surprised you don't recognise it, considering all your spells are named in it but it's called English." It was a little odd to see my native tongue spelt phonetically on the adventurer's card next to a skill's name but it was an easy thing to get used to.

And I have to admit that shouting out your attacks in English made me feel like an anime character which was kind of cool in a dorky way.

My thoughts of colourfully-haired teenagers with the weight of the world on their shoulders were interrupted when I suddenly found myself face to face with my two teammates. If I thought they were curious before, now their eyes were burning with laser intensity. "You know the language of Heroes?" The pair asked in unison, not shouting but direct and very insistent. I was beginning to fear this was a mistake, one I really should not have made after I ran my mouth back at Wiz's shop. "Yeah... but what's it got to do with heroes?" The two talked over each other for a moment before the Archwizard begrudgingly let the elder go first, with a grateful nod she continued in a more reasonable tone.

"One of the languages used by those with artifacts of immense power and otherworldly abilities, without whom the Demon King would have overrun humanity generations ago."

Darkness' eyes grew unfocused as she continued, her breathing picking up as the now familiar blush rose on her cheeks. "Oh, I would put up a fight for sure but eventually their numbers would be too many for me to deal with. Maybe one of the Generals themselves would make me submit and parade me through the capital in tattered rags that barely cover me, forced to my knees in front of everyone before-" A spray of water ended her heated rambling, I lowered my hand as I looked to Megumin. Edging away from the steaming blonde she cleared her throat and tried to explain in a more rational manner.

"Some believe the people who have those items or powers were blessed by the gods, but whatever the case their impact on the war and society has been great. Keele, for example, is responsible for over half the spells used by Archwizards today." I do remember her saying that a few days ago, and the ring on my left hand was proof of the distance he had travelled.

"Which means!" The Archwizard declared, pointing accusingly at me with a single, slender finger. "You and Aqua are both Hero candidates!"

This was the first time I had heard the term, and thankfully any demands of an explanation was delayed as Aqua suddenly screamed out that something was approaching her. Half a dozen somethings. With their scaled heads peering out from the water, thick purplish scales and two black horns sticking out from behind their eyes I got my first look at these 'Brutal Alligators'. Luna was right, they were huge, even through the discoloured water and muck I could get a rough idea of the length and breadth of their bodies as they approached Aqua and her pond of pure blue holy water.

"Don't panic, remember the plan! Purify and float, now!"

I broke away from the others to run to the water's edge, Darkness following as Megumin stayed behind both as a lookout and final attack if need be. Inside the cage Aqua, while still appearing terrified closed her eyes, whether it was in fear or concentration I didn't know and focused her divine abilities.

When I asked her earlier if she could walk on water I was half-joking, I honestly didn't believe that the Goddess of Water could control her element to that degree but she proved me wrong. In the centre of the cage Aqua lay perfectly still on the surface of the water, not like how someone at the pool can lay back and float with their face out of the water, but actually on top of the water as though it were a mattress and she had laid down for the night. To my right I heard Darkness gasp in disbelief.

"Ready?"

Without waiting for a response I started channeling, the spell I had learnt in seconds and used only a handful of times quickly manifested in my left hand, only this time instead of releasing it immediately I held on, adding more power and once it reached the level I felt was just shy of overpowered I let loose.

"LIGHTNING!"

The wooden cart rattled along the dirt road as we made our way back to town, the cage formerly housing our goddess now stored a collection of horns from the crocodiles that our Crusader had broken off with her bare hands. If we had more time we might have been able to disassemble the crocs properly, but with dusk already upon us we took the quicker option. The horse pulling it let out a snort before Darkness placed her hand on its neck, petting it gently, of the four of us she had the most experience with livestock surprisingly. I looked over the harness strapped to the animal's back at the distracted look on her face as Aqua walked beside me, still high on victory.

"I can't believe that worked. It shouldn't have worked."

Megumin had been rather quiet after I had put my foot down regarding her idea to blow up the lake so that Aqua could purify what was left in safety. Granted, that may have worked but it also would have killed an unacceptable number of fish that still lived in the lake, causing it to become polluted again when they rotted. Also it would have given Aqua less time to do her actual training while her holy aura purified the water passively.

Axis priests unlike their Eris counterparts have access to the Create Water spell, due to their goddess' nature. I decided to see exactly what Aqua could do with this and was impressed. Not too surprised after her floating trick, but still very impressed. If Aqua ever learns what water jet cutting is I doubt any monster could stand against her.

"I told you, pure water doesn't conduct electricity, only mineralised or contaminated water does, we learnt it in school." I would have used the term H-two-oh as we had been taught but doubted they would recognise it. "And since Aqua can make water purer than any other priest I had faith she would be safe from the lightning."

After the first lot of brutal alligators had been stunned by the spell I used the Bind skill Chris had been kind enough to show me last night to reel them in and Darkness dealt with them one by one, it probably would have taken too long if she actually tried swinging her sword at them which is why I told her to instead place the tip of her sword up to their eye socket and thrust it into the brain. Even she couldn't miss when the blade was already touching.

Except for the first one, which ended up with the tip coming out its other eye. Poor bastard.

"But how did you know that!? I'm a Crimson Mazoku and even I didn't know that!" The realisation of not being the most educated person in the party was quite a shock to the young wizard. Even when compared to nobles Crimson Mazoku were considered unnaturally gifted mentally, despite their ridiculously theatrical nature. I shrugged. "Well I assume your school focused on magic, right? Mine focused on maths, science and... other stuff." Darkness looked thoughtful and was opening her mouth to speak before Aqua interrupted. "Who cares about that, we're looking at three hundred thousand eris! Goodbye stables and tents and hello luxury!" It seems she had already forgotten that she slept in an inn last night. "Whoo!"

Before I knew it there was a weight on my back and slender arms wrapped around my neck, nearly sending me to the ground before I recovered. "Aqua, a little warning'd be nice." Despite my complaints my arms had automatically moved to support her legs and though I couldn't see her face I knew Aqua well enough by now to picture the carefree expression she was wearing. "Oh what's it matter, you carry Megumin every day."

"Megumin doesn't-" I barely managed to stop before I said something I knew would start an argument. "...have use of her legs after using magic, and she doesn't jump on my back without so much as a 'how do you do'." Through the bars of the cage I could see a pair of red eyes glowing in the dim evening light, resembling a vampire or some other dangerous humanoid monster kept in chains for the safety of others.

Regardless of my griping nothing could break Aqua's good mood, which she proved by breaking into song just as she had asked me to earlier. I decided to let it go and continued carrying her, she had done a lot of work today after all, both before the crocs and after.

"Leaving in the morning without a word to say, from my house into the world in the light of day,"

Another of this land's songs that I was unfamiliar with, but it quickly grew on me with the goddess' fair voice in my ears, she was only a few lines in before she told Darkness to take over.

"E-eh?! Me?"

Despite her reluctance Aqua was insistent, soon the noble blonde caved and began the song from where it had been left off. I knew she had a lovely voice but I was actually surprised at how well she could sing, it was calming, beautiful, almost motherly somehow. As I stared in awe she quickly grew nervous, blue eyes darted briefly in my direction before her dulcet tones growing softer as she lost the will to sing and eventually petering off into a tiny little squeak.

"Holy hell, Darkness why didn't you tell us you could sing like an angel?" Her face grew even redder at my words, the young woman refusing to make eye contact as she shrunk further in on herself. "Don't be embarrassed, you were great." And she was awfully cute when she got all flustered like this, I'd love to see her at karaoke.

"I can sing too you know!" Megumin blurted out, her eyes burning bright as candles before loudly and enthusiastically repeating the exact same song that our teammates had. She wasn't bad, but clearly trying too hard in an attempt to not be left out, a note forced a little higher here, a word over emphasized there. When she finished on a line about making it home in time for dinner I offered our youngest friend a kind smile. "That was very sweet Megsy, thank you." She huffed proudly and puffed up her nonexistent chest. "Of course, I was known as the best singer in the village for a reason."

The rest of our trek back to town went much the same, the girls belted out a few more ditties and I pitched in some Disney songs to Aqua's delight. It was dark by the time we made it back to town, the guards looked a little surprised that Megumin was walking on her own and her place on my back was taken by someone else but kept their thoughts to themselves.

I had asked when we first saw the town wall if she wanted to get down but Aqua refused and made a comment about understanding why Megumin liked being carried so much. Which the young girl adamantly denied.

After we entered the gates closed with a metallic crash, my guess is Luna or someone from the guild told them to expect us back before being allowed to close for the night.

The street lights of Axel guided us back to the guild, it wasn't so late that we couldn't stop in for a report and a bite to eat. In fact a plate of fried toad would really hit the spot right now, or better yet, crumbed lamb with mash and gravy. Darkness opened the doors and closed them behind us, I gave her a grateful smile and nod as I entered, my hands still occupied with goddess. I had scarcely taken a few steps inside when a loud voice cried out two words I never expected to hear.

"AQUA-SAMA!"

He wasn't that tall, just a couple inches below my own height, but he made up for that with the impressive armour he wore, well crafted plates made to fit and painted blue with gold accents. A gold circlet on his head, blue gem in the centre held back his light brown hair and a dark cape hung over the elaborate golden hilt of what had to be a greatsword. If it wasn't for the stunned look on his face I might say he looked almost heroic. Or maybe just like a kid dressed as his videogame avatar.

The armour people wear in this world isn't as bad as say, World of Warcraft, but I've seen too much bikini armour to call it practical. Hell, Darkness' chest piece has breasts instead of a rounded plate.

At his table sat two young women, both of them wearing even more revealing clothing than Chris, if it wasn't for the spear by the green haired one's side I would have thought they were both thieves. They stood as if to follow when he hurriedly rushed towards us but remained behind, both giving the goddess jealous glares which their party member completely missed. "Aqua-sama, what are you doing in this place!?" He demanded, unknowingly giving me the exact same dirty look his team was giving Aqua.

I may not have taken a second language in high school, but I've seen enough anime to know what 'sama' means, that would make this guy the second reincarnate I've seen since I came here and the first one still alive. I wondered what his gift was, the armour, the sword, the circlet? "Aqua, you remember this guy?" I whispered as I knelt down, allowing her to step back onto solid ground, the pleated skirt bouncing as she moved to stand next to me. The goddess hummed, hand resting on her chin contemplatively before she spoke with a curious tone. "Who are you?"

My heart jumped into my throat as the stranger drew his sword in response, I pushed Aqua behind me, Darkness refrained from readying her own blade as she moved past us both and stood ready to defend. It wasn't until I had already moved that I realised my danger sense was silent, but the others had no such comfort.

"Halt! Do you know what it means to draw your sword on another adventurer!?" Darkness demanded, her voice and pose that of a knight at court. For a moment the target of her ire froze before his surprise melted into an condescending grin, either ignoring or failing to notice the tense air that suddenly filled the guild hall. "Calm yourself Crusader, I was merely showing Aqua-sama the gift she bestowed upon me." As though he thought that was enough he turned his attention back to Aqua, still holding the oversized blade in front of himself. "Do you remember me now, goddess? Mitsurugi Kyouya, you gave me the cursed sword Gram."

I almost felt bad for him when Aqua laughed. Not an amused or even cruel one, Aqua laughed the laugh of someone who has no idea what is going on but is afraid to admit so. "Of course, of course! Ah, you, yes, I remember everyone I sent along!" Kyouya was confused for a moment before he decided to believe the goddess' words. "Oh, of course, it has been a while goddess-sama." He spoke while sheathing the sword. I decided to interrupt before this idiot dug any deeper.

"Mitsurugi Kyouya! I almost didn't recognise you!" I bellowed, making sure the guild heard me and stepping around Darkness brought him into a one-armed hug as I placed my mouth by his ear, making sure to keep my smile even as I hissed out my words. "We're trying to keep a low profile idiot, play along!" When I withdrew his eyes were filled with surprise before quickly changing to understanding and a tiny bit of shame, I looked towards his table and the two young women that remained at it.

"Hey there, Johnathan Kilroy, but I'm sure Kyouya's mentioned me before, call me Johno." I waved to his teammates as I introduced myself, they were almost as leery of me as they were Aqua but they did introduce themselves, social etiquette being what it is. The green haired spearwoman named herself as Clemea, the maroon haired thief as Fio.

I turned back to my party, taking a surreptitious glance around as I did, it seemed like my act had been enough to convince most of the guild, but Darkness looked unconvinced and Megumin was approaching suspicious.

"Could you two report to Luna while we catch up? We'll save you a seat."

A pointed look at Mitsurugi had his friends rushing off on an insignificant errand that they were determined to outdo each other on, giving us a few short minutes to talk earthling to earthling. But softly, there were some things that were probably best kept to ourselves for now.

"So, you're Japanese?" Kyouya's focus was on Aqua but at my question he blinked before nodding. As I figured. "I'm from Australia myself, got here a bit over a month ago."

We didn't have much time to talk, just long enough to explain how Aqua was sent down on a 'divine mission', because I had the feeling if I told the truth that not only would Aqua be a sad drunk tonight but this guy would react even worse. In his case it seems he'd had a rather good run so far, over the last months he had made a name for himself slaying monsters from here to the capital and back, even taking on a demonic underling of some evil god.

The guy was obviously trying to talk himself up but I let it slide, partially because seeing Aqua act completely uninterested in his attempts to gloat was a little amusing. At first.

After our friends returned we shifted the conversation over to more local matters, such as the goings-on at the capital - which Darkness was quite well-versed in - and simpler things such as our preferred eateries around Axel.

"I know the clientele can be a bit pretentious," I opined, speaking of a small restaurant that was a popular haunt of the town's more artistically inclined folk. Its name was 'Cuisin Boss', a family-owned establishment that had been in service for nearly eighty years, and one that had the unusual fortune of a letter 'E' that simply refused to stay on the sign. "But their french toast is the best I've had in years, and believe me I've made it plenty of times."

Naturally, our conversation drifted from places to eat to places to stay, and this is where the friendly atmosphere turned sour.

"What!? You let Aqua-sama sleep in a stable!?" I tried to explain that it was a simple problem with finances that had since been solved but Kyouya wasn't hearing it, his earlier shock and indignation had returned in full force. "Even so, you should have done more to support her! To force Aqua-sama to stay in such filth, aren't you ashamed of yourself?" Slightly unsteadily he stood up, placing both hands on the table as he stared across at me over several empty mugs of wine and beer.

Again, I tried to explain that I had decided that keeping the both of us fed was more important than having a comfortable bed but he refused to listen, a black-gloved fist slammed into the table with enough force to make the empty mugs jump and the full ones spill. "Unacceptable! Nothing could excuse what you have put this poor, beautiful woman through!" His groupies looked like they wanted to argue that point but instead let themselves get carried along in his self-righteous bollocks.

People were staring again, I remained seated and once more tried to prevent the approaching confrontation. "Mate, if I could have done both I would. How about you sit down and I'll buy the next round, okay?" He shook his head furiously, teetered slightly and then steadied himself before pointing at me with all the authority he thought he possessed.

"I CHALLENGE YOU TO A DUEL!"

The guild stopped. Every eye was on us now, I took a glance at Luna's post to find she was staring with what I think was fear. There had to be a better way to handle this, I had already tried to appeal to his common sense, to distract him, Aqua herself had claimed that she had enjoyed her time in this world but nothing was working and I felt myself growing irate.

"You've gone native."

With a half-drunk Swordmaster who refused to take no for an answer I made what I thought was the smart choice, slowly and deliberately raising my hands as though I was trying to talk him down.

"Sleep."

My would-be opponent's eyes slid closed, his armour clad body folded back down onto the bench and continued to the floor with a heavy crash that drowned out the much softer dull thunk as his head bounced off the aged stone.

""KYOUYA!""

A scattering of laughter echoed through the guild hall, Luna placed a hand to her chest and breathed a sigh of relief and Mitsurugi's teammates decided the best way to express themselves was to hurl mindless insults in my direction.

"How dare you!"

"You cheater!"

"Coward!"

"Scoundrel!"

"Heathen!"

"Scumbag!"

"Dog!"

I raised a hand in their direction, palm flat and fingers together, they immediately froze, hands twitching towards their weapons as though the gesture for 'stop' somehow was a threat. "Your friend seems to have had too much to drink, why don't you two take him to bed and help him out of that heavy armour." Their eyes met, a silent conversation passing in a second.

"He's a genius!"

"A saint!"

The two young women briefly argued over who would get to carry his head or legs before half-dragging their leader from the guild, their voices quickly drowned out by the general hubbub I had quickly grown used to. The only evidence of them having been here was the oversized sword that they had quickly decided was dead weight in their haste to leave. It had not slipped from Kyouya's grasp or out of its sheath, they deliberately removed it from his person to make him easier to carry. I dragged the weapon over to Luna's desk and asked if there was somewhere I could leave it, just to make sure the blade was safe from any sticky fingers. Along the way I received the odd approving nod from some of our fellow adventurers, whether it was for taking the arrogant prick down a peg or refusing to be drawn into a meaningless fight I didn't know, but gave a nod of acknowledgement in return.

"Well, that was kind of exciting." Began Megumin after I returned. "But it did bring up something we forgot earlier." "Indeed," Continued Darkness. "I would like to continue from your earlier revelation."

My hopes that my careless admittance to being able to read and speak english had been forgotten were dashed as the beautiful blonde and petite brunette calmly but insistently made their desire to pick my brain known.

"You said you were enrolled in school, is that why Hero candidates often have such a historical impact on society, because their education focuses on things this continent lacks?" Darkness had not forgotten the earlier revelation of Aqua and my origins but at least she only thought we were from another continent and not the truth of how far we'd come.

And now I have another song in my head but I ignored this one in favour of making eye contact with Aqua, silently asking how much I should tell if anything which she took as a cue to speak as eloquently as she was able and in with great pride revealed the truth of our presence in this world.

"Yes! It's true, John is a hero summoned to save this world, and I am none other than the beautiful goddess Aqua herself posing as an ordinary priest to guide him in his quest!"

Her pious declaration was met with a deadpan stare from Megumin and an annoyed one from Darkness who once again tried to chastise Aqua for 'claiming to be a goddess' which sadly ended with said goddess spitting her dummy. "Hey! You're supposed to believe me, why don't you..." Tearful blue eyes turned to me before she spoke in in a tiny, hurt voice. "John." I placed an arm over her shoulders, pulling my goddess close. "Hey, don't cry, I know who you are." Poor girl, even after learning we're not from this realm and Kyouya literally calling her a goddess they still didn't believe in Aqua. I guess I shouldn't blame them, it's kind of Aqua's fault for acting so childish instead of anything remotely divine but I still feel a little bad for her.

Unfortunately, the feeling of a warm body pressed into my side asking for acknowledgement and comforting brought a memory that I had been trying to put out of my mind for the last several hours. It had started with a children's song, one of my sister's favourites in fact. We used to snuggle up on the couch whenever she wanted to put a movie on, a bag of popcorn if it was close to or far enough from mealtime. We would often sing along together, neither of us were the talented ones in that regard but if being good at singing was the point then people wouldn't enjoy karaoke would they. Weekends, school holidays, watch the movie once or twice in the cinema before it comes out on DVD, on rare occasions we'd hire it digitally.

"Johnny, this one!" Tiny hands holding a DVD case up to me, blue eyes shining with excitement.

"Johnny, don't hog the popcorn!" A shorter body reaching across my lap to snatch the bag of buttery treats.

"Johnny, cuddle!" Arms wrapped around my front and back as a head of blonde hair buries into my side.

"Johnathan?"

I blinked, realising I had been staring at my beer for a few minutes as a soft voice asked if I was all right, I looked over to Darkness and offered a tired smile. "Yeah, just thinking." She didn't ask what, but clearly wanted to, curiosity clearly painted on those regal features while next to her Megumin looked away as she toyed with a bone on her plate and occasionally looked back in veiled interest.

I picked up my mug for one final swig, putting it back down with a gentle tap. "I think I'll it a night." As I spoke I was certain that there was a small, sad smile on my face as I bid my friends farewell. "You three stay out of trouble, okay?"

I woke with a start, alone in my room at the inn and feeling an almost familiar echo in the air. "-min?" The half-spoken word escaped without conscious thought and was followed immediately by a yawn that gave my brain the pause it needed to continue booting up. At first I thought it was some time before dawn but a look out the window showed not a speck of light on the horizon and nothing above but stars. My watch was on the bedside table where I left it, the cheap LCD screen informing that I had been asleep less than two hours.

My sixth sense was silent, I was alone, the door was closed and as I sat up in bed and conjured a wisp of flame I saw that my things were exactly where I left them, a quick examination showed the window was still latched. What the hell had woken me up? I opened the window and stuck my head outside.

There were dogs barking, mainly from one side of the town. Scores of birds flittering in panicked co-ordination through the darkness, barely visible against the night sky. I waited several minutes for a sign that things were awry - Luna's voice over the P.A., shouts of fear or the noise of combat but nothing made itself known. Eventually I decided to go back to bed, assuming that whatever had woken me was either long gone or something not worth getting up for in the first place.

I pulled the woolen blanket close and rolled onto my side, waiting for sleep to reclaim me. Whatever it was I can only assume it's not that important.

Okay, this took far, far longer than it should have. I know we've all had a rough couple of years but that's no excuse. All I can do is promise the next chapter will be quicker.

Semi-relatedly, holy hell you would not believe how many times I felt like re-writing this mongrel or changing a scene completely. Whether it was Megumin casting explosion on the way back leading to an earlier meeting with Mitsurugi, overloading Wiz's shop with items from the ring so I could use it sooner in the story, whether I should hint at Johno's younger sister or just blatantly speak about her. Aqua choosing a quest instead of Luna enlisting the team for drinking money (leading to a comment about rationing and a dig at Aqua's age). Back when I first had the idea for this story I pictured Johno and Mitsurugi duelling, then I started on the light novels and found Kazuma used a similar method in their rematch so that had to be scrapped.

Anyhow, enjoy and you know what's coming next, an angry dullahan and the team's first big challenge.