III. Asteroid X57 (Bring Down the Sky)

Williams stood by the lockers in the Normandy vehicle bay, angrily cramming a bore mop down the barrel of her assault rifle. She tried to focus on the job at hand of cleaning the team's weapons – an unofficial duty she'd taken up onboard the Normandy – and not think about the distress signal they'd picked up while passing through the Exodus Cluster:

"Hello? Hello? I heard your transmission. Can you hear me? They haven't found me yet, but I can't talk long. Please, shut down the fusion torches or we're all going to die. God, I hope you're hearing this."

It wasn't so much the distress signal itself that had Williams fuming, but rather Shepard's choice in squad to go down and investigate it. The situation on Asteroid X57 was a huge unknown, and the entire human colony of Tera Nova was at stake. The spectre and her chosen ground team had less than four hours to get the situation righted, or a hell of a lot of people were going to lose their lives.

"Commander, Alenko and I should be with you on this one," William's had told her when the Normandy's VI had picked up the signal, "We're the highest front-ranked Alliance fighters with the most experience on the ground."

"Normally I'd agree with you, Chief, but you know I can't do that. You're staying onboard the Normandy for this one."

"But, Commander—!"

"Don't argue with me on this, Ash," Shepard said, cutting her off. She took Ashley by both shoulders and said with a sincerity that made William's stomach twist up in knots, "There's too many unknowns. I can't risk you going down there and getting killed. Not when you're our best lead with Saren. I'm taking Alenko and Vakarian and that's final."

As they geared up and loaded into the Mako before the drop, Williams noticed the L.T. cast a quick glance her way before putting on his helmet and climbing into the rover. The look in his kind eyes reminded her far too much of pity, and she slammed her fist against the wall of the vehicle bay once the team had deployed. The requisition officer, who clearly did not have a death wish, decided not long after that brief display to make himself scarce. And Wrex by some small mercy was nowhere to be found. Normally the gunnery chief would have found that suspicious and maybe gone looking for him, but on this day found herself content to wallow in her own frustrations.

She cursed under her breath as she aimed wrong and jabbed herself with a copper brush hard enough to draw blood at the thin skin between the thumb and pointer finger of her right hand. She dropped the cleaning rod and grabbed a small cotton cleaning patch to hold over the small gash before abandoning the work and turning to sit on some supply crates nearby. She put her head in her hands and forced herself to take a few deep breaths, trying to center herself.

This was infuriating!, she told her self. The first time in her career a C.O. actually trusts and respects her, and she gets benched on account of some random chance encounter with a prothean message in a bottle getting crammed inside her head. It was unfair; a twisted kind of cruel irony that made her grit her teeth at the cold audacity of it all. She closed her eyes and silently asked G-d what He had planned for her, and why it had to be her that got stuck with these lousy, head-splitting visions? She bit her cheek and choked back tears of frustration before any could force their way out. Still being passed up. Still on a short leash. Always a Williams.

"Chief Williams?"

She's too emotionally spent to suppress her groan. She hadn't even heard the elevator doors. Without looking up she answers, "What is it, T'Soni?"

"Are you… alright?"

Slowly, once she's sure all signs of possibly having been crying are absent from her features, Ashley takes her hand away from her eyes and looks up. Liara is standing a few feet from the workbench, eyeing her warily and hands held gently in front of her with that meek, schoolgirl-like body language that half the NCOs had been drooling over since the maiden had come onboard.

"Not really," the chief says, the bitter tone in her voice causing the asari's brows to furrow — or, well, whatever they were. She had markings over her eyes, but they didn't look like the facepaint-style markings Williams had seen on other asari on the Citadel, and they sure as hell weren't hair.

"Are you hurt?" T'Soni asks, and motions to the chief's hand and the slightly red-stained bunch of gauze she was holding against it.

Williams laughs at the implication. "Not really," she answers again, getting up and discarding the wadded up pad and flexing her fingers. The cut reopens, slightly.

"You're bleeding."

"It's nothing."

"I have a first aid kit in my locker."

"Really, doc, it's nothing."

But T'Soni was already retrieving the small med kit from her things, grabbing one of the packs of medigel and tearing it open. She squeezes a small amount onto her fingers and places the pack onto the table before holding out her now free hand in front of her. She meets Ashley's gaze with a surprisingly steadfast stare, and after only a moment's pause the chief makes a theatric show of rolling her eyes and huffing a breath before holding out her hand, placing it palm up against in the doctor's. Liara presses the gel against the wound and after a few strokes from the pad of her finger the medication had already begun to do its work. She let her hand fall away and Williams again flexes her fingers a few times.

"Thanks," she mutters, reminding herself of a child being forced to thank distance relatives for attending their birthday party.

"You do not appear to be feeling much better," the doctor says, persisting, though clearly cautious, "I am not very adept at analyzing human behavior, but I take it that the cut was not the true cause of your discomfort?"

Ashley looks up to find a timid smile on the asari's face and realizes she's making a joke.

"Pick up on that, did ya'?" she asks, ruefully. She lets out another deep sigh before looking back down at the workbench and her disassembled assault rifle. She begins to put it back together, liking the act for keeping her hands busy as well as for the excuse to not have to stare into the piercing and unnaturally blue eyes of her company. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."

"This is about the distress call, then? The asteroid?"

"Don't act like you don't already know, doc," she says, chewing a little on the inside of her cheek as she unclamps the gun barrel from the bench vice.

"I'm afraid I do not," the asari goes on, stepping every so slightly closer and seemingly oblivious to the mounting tension in the air, or how her words are fueling it. "I have had very limited experience dealing with humans. And my similarly limited observations of this crew have only led me to conclude—"

Williams slams her rifle down on the workbench, causing Liara to startle beside her and gasp as tools and parts jump and clatter back onto the hard surface. "Don'tplay dumb!" Williams snaps, stepping forward as the doctor takes half a step back, "You've been inside my head; you know what this is about."

"Chief, I don't know wha—"

"Oh, right, so I'm just supposed to believe you had free run up there and only looked at the mission-critical materials? What, were they marked off for you?"

"I'm- that isn't-" Liara bumps her hip against the edge of the table and trips up slightly in her efforts to back up. Ashley crowds in and points an accusatory finger at her. They're a breath apart now and Williams can see the sweat forming on the doctor's brow as her eyes go wide and her breath comes short.

"You think I like giving it up to every other asari we run into on this mission? Was I interesting, doctor? Did you get any 'fascinating' first-hand accounts of the little pariah soldier with the shit assignments and family baggage? Take any good notes for the next article you'll be publishing?"

"Chief Williams," the doctor says, holding her arms tightly against her chest and wringing her wrist in her hands. She speaks nervously, but with conviction, and in a tone so hushed and sincere that it nearly makes Ashley want to scream. "Asari joinings are not as you imagine them. I would never violate another's personhood like that. I am not some… voyeur. You have my word."

The chief's gaze flicks across the asari's face, scanning for signs of insincerity. Slowly, she unclenches her jaw and takes a small step back. "Then how do they work, T'Soni? What did you see while you were brain-probing me?"

Clearly disquieted by the word choice, but thinking better of commenting on it, Dr. T'Soni takes a tentative step away now that she's granted the space and slowly leans against her locker. She stares down at her feet and hunts for the words to describe the experience in such a way that she hopes the chief will understand. "It is… hard to describe," she begins.

"Try me."

"Hm," the doctor hums a beat, then begins, "I suppose one could relate the experience to being in a crowded room. A cocktail party, perhaps. While there are many conversations going on around you – many paths of thoughts and memories – you tend to only hear the one you are focusing on. The rest are relegated to background noise, for the most part."

"'For the most part'?" Williams parrots, her tone thick with still-lingering skepticism, though tailored by the slow-dawning realization that she may be taking out her frustrations unfairly on the doctor.

"To keep with the metaphor," T'Soni goes on, "Sometimes, a word or phrase will break through from a conversation being had nearby. Perhaps this is a memory, or some kind of related knowledge.

"What you experienced on Eden Prime, the events that led up to your interaction with the beacon, they… informed you perception of the visions. Infected your memory of them, in a way, and likewise your experiences on Feros and your general interpretation of the protheans as well as the reapers." She shuffles her feet and repositions to wring her hands between one another yet again, "I, of course, did what I could to avoid these more personal thoughts and recollections, but I would be lying if I said I was completely successful in my endeavors." Her voice dropped both in volume and register, "I am not accustomed to the joining. It comes naturally to all asari, yes, but those with more experience are generally more… skilled at sifting through the consciousness of another." Her cheeks turn a few shades darker and it doesn't take much for Williams to recognize the parallels to a certain human activity, and why a confession of inexperience might come off as a touch embarrassing.

"But seeking out those memories," she went on, "was never my intention. And I did not search beyond the reasonable scope of this mission."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Thoughts are not always linear, Chief Williams," the asari tries to explain, "The mind forms connections in any number of ways. An experience from just days ago may be 'closer' in one's mindscape to a memory from childhood than one from just the day prior, depending on what the memory contains and how the individual has processed it. I do not claim to be an expert at the physiology surrounding this process, particularly as it pertains to humans, but it is a consideration that all asari attempt to explain to our daughters as we come into our biological abilities. And the need to draw careful limits for ourselves when entrenched in another person's thoughts is impressed upon us at a very young age. Particularly with species that do not share similar empathetic abilities and cannot defend themselves mentally from such an infringement. To do otherwise is a taboo, one of the few even punishable by law. And, even if it were not, I…" she trails off for a moment, "… I would never seek to take advantage of you – of anyone – in such a way."

Williams starts to feel the telltale heat of embarrassment and shame creep up her neck and turn the tips of her ears red as guilt begins to overtake her. Until exploding at Liara just then, Ashley hadn't even realized how much this had been eating away at her. The mounting sense of violation she'd been experiencing. First from the prothean beacon, an affront from a long dead enemy and from which she had no true form of recourse, then from Shiala, and finally from Dr. T'Soni, herself. While the latter two had done so out of necessity and some sense of care for the greater good, they'd none the less left Williams as little more than a passenger in her own life – her own mind – forced to offer up her own sanity, privacy, and agency in some last-ditch effort to stop the galaxy around her from caving in. She could drown in her own sense of helplessness. And in response this filled her with some sort of senseless, wild anger that lashed out at anything or anyone she could blame for the utter powerlessness in which the situation had left her. The geth. Saren. The Reapers. Liara.

A better person than she would have taken this opportunity to apologize, Ashley knows. Maybe even to thank Dr. T'Soni for the explanation, and for showing her compassion in the face of none. This thought would find her later that evening as she lay awake in bed with another searing headache. She'd think about Commander Shepard and how she would have owned up to her mistakes. Her misjudgments. And she'd hate herself a little bit for not being stronger in character. For not allowing herself to be humble. For not being better. It took a unique strength of character to be vulnerable, one she did not yet have. Maybe never would. Because she did not apologize. She didn't even back down. Instead, Ashley just said, "You're saying you don't know anything else about me other than Eden Prime? I'm just supposed to believe that your 'scientific curiosity' didn't get the better of you for the third time?"

Liara winces. "I… admit," she answers, meekly, "I did want to know more about you. But I did not go about it in the way you are suggesting."

"Oh?"

"I looked up your history," she says, before quickly adding, "As I did everyone on the crew whom I've interacted with so far. I did not wish to make a fool out of myself again or say anything else that may have offended you." She shakes her head in such a way that seems to say, And you see how well that's going.

"You looked me up?" Williams asks. Her anger begins mounting again, a fact Liara seems painfully aware of this time. She makes busywork for herself by taking the medigel packet off the tabletop where it's been sitting, sealing it back up, and packing it away back into her equipment locker.

"Yes, I… I wanted to know more about you," she answers – nearly mumbles, in fact – sounding embarrassed at the admission as her eyes find the floor again, "To try to understand you better."

Ashley barks a brief laugh. "Me? Or the protheans? You're only interested in me because of the visions."

"I admit, your unique connection to the protheans did account for my initial curiosity. But it has… grown beyond that." She has settled somewhat comfortably now against her locker, arms crossed in front of her as her eyes scan the empty vehicle bay, "Many of the individuals on this crew I find to be most remarkable."

"Commander Shepard does seem to have a way of attracting interesting types."

The scientist gives a quiet smile, "That she does."

They stand silently for a short while. After a moment, Ashley returns to reassembling her rifle before turning to store it with the rest of her things. As she steps up to the lockers, she can feel the asari's eyes on her.

"Get out your pistol," Williams says after another pause.

"My- What?"

"Your pistol. Come on. There are some practice rounds in storage over here, and the commander wanted me to keep working with you on your aim. Plus, you need to get faster at suiting up for a drop."

"But, I-"

"Not a request, doc."

Liara fumbles with her gear, but after the initial shock at the sudden onset of their training session begins taking orders surprisingly well as Ashley gives them. They set up a makeshift range, standing right by the elevator and aiming at the doors of the bay where Ashley has balanced some empty cartons on unused supply crates. The practice rounds are made of a fragile powder that burst into dust on impact, leaving behind a pale colored mark where it made contact. Williams corrects Liara on her form a few times and sees the doctor tense up any time she moves in to adjust her posture manually the few times she loses her patience at the asari's lack of military prowess.

They spend a little over an hour working on it, and at one point when Liara hits a whole line up of cans in a row square off their perch Ashley actually lets out a celebratory shout and claps her on the shoulder. Once she realizes she's not being reprimanded the maiden beams like a child and gives a laugh that's almost giddy.

"Not bad, T'Soni," Williams says as they go about cleaning up and packing away the gear.

Liara smiles and Ashley is surprised to see her blush as she answers, "Thank you, Chief Williams."

With her armor put back in her locker and Williams going to clean out the pistol before packing it away too, the archaeologist lingers by the workbench and eyes the elevator, seeming almost mournful at the prospect of returning to the solitude of her small room behind the medical bay.

"What will happen next, Chief?" she asks.

"After the commander gets back from this mission, we're back on track for Noveria." Ashley answers her, "See whatever the geth are after on there."

T'Soni nods but seems no less troubled.

"You're worried, aren't you?" Williams asks, "About your mother?"

Without looking up, the maiden nods, her brow furrowed.

"Shiala said when she and your mom went to Saren, that she'd been hoping to reason with him — convince him to change his mind about helping the Reapers. But the ship, Sovereign, it messed with their heads. Indoctrinated them, somehow. But maybe Benezia broke free. She is a powerful matriarch, after all."

"That she is," Liara says, though sounds unconvinced. After another few beats, she looks up and casts Ashley a tired smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "Thank you, Chief."

Later that evening as the gunnery chief lay awake in her bunk, she ran her fingers over the spot on her right hand that she'd jabbed. All signs of the tear in the skin had vanished, the medigel having done its job, but Ashley couldn't stop thinking about the way Liara had run her fingers over the skin. It was the first time William's had seen the archaeological doctor without her hands covered, Williams realized — all other times she'd met with T'Soni, the doctor had been in a standard science and medical jumpsuit — and the asari's touch had been colder than expected, and her skin strange and inhuman. Ashley next came to the dawning realization that, prior to that encounter today, she had never actually touched an alien before. Not skin to skin, anyway. Tali had a suit of her own, and even when meeting Wrex or Vakarian, Williams had always been in uniform and had her armored gloves on. The same was true of salarians, volus, or turians she'd run into with the 212 and her previous companies in the frontier division.

She thought back to how the doctor had cradled her hand in hers. Williams wasn't sure what she had been expecting, or how exactly she would describe it. She'd pet snakes and stingrays at petting zoos and aquariums in her youth, but neither was quite the consistency she remembered from the asari's touch, quick as it was. Not to mention how at the time she'd been both embarrassed and frustrated and hadn't exactly been paying much attention to the doctor's fragile handling. She was almost angry now with herself, though she didn't quite know why, for not having studied it more closely at the time and committing the sensation to memory.

Get ahold of yourself, Williams, she thought, embarrassed as she rolled over in her cot. She tried to put the memory out of her mind, but her thoughts kept drifting back to it as she began to drift off to sleep. How delicate the touch had been. How kind the eyes that had watched her.