AN: Uh-oh, here we go… hurt/comfort time.

IV. Noveria

Shit.

Williams stood in the medical bay, avoiding eye contact with Dr. Chakwas and trying to get herself to knock on the door to Liara's makeshift quarters.

Me and my big mouth, she thought.

Williams had been in a bad way at the time, and was still reeling from the mess that had gone down at Peak 15, as well as the bad acid burns that had yet to fully heal despite the medigel she'd slapped on during the tram ride back to Hanshan. The debriefing felt like a blur.

"What's our next move, Commander?" she'd asked, taking her seat in the comm room, "Head to the Mu Relay?"

"It would be unwise to rush off blind," T'Soni had said, tone surprisingly clinical. It hardened Ashley's heart. "The relay could link to dozens of systems. We still need to learn more about Saren's plans if we hope to stop him."

"Who put you in charge?" Ashley said before she could think better of it, "Did the commander resign when I wasn't looking?"

"That's enough, Williams," Shepard had cut in, fixing the gunnery chief with a stern look, "She's just trying to help."

Out of the corner of her eye, Ashley saw Dr. T'Soni visibly shrink into her chair.

Right… shit.

"Sorry, Commander," she answered, meekly.

Shepard paused and cast her eyes about the room. "This is a tough mission. We're all on edge. Everyone go get some rest. We'll regroup in a couple of hours."

A little while later, once Shepard had finished sending her official spectre report to the undoubtably livid Citadel Council — Rachni! Alive! And she'd just let them go? — Williams was sitting across from Alenko at a small round table in the crew common area when she heard the doors open and she looked over her shoulder.

"Skipper," she said as each she and Alenko began to rise from their seats.

"Easy," Shepard said, motioned for them to sit back down as she took the open seat. "Just looking for some personal input on the last mission. Thoughts?"

"Off the record?" Alenko asked. Shepard nodded. "The rachni…" he said, shaking his head, "If we'd had the option, I'd sooner have left it up to the Council. We weren't out here during the rachni war. I'm not sure we have any business getting involved. But we didn't have that choice."

Noncommittal as ever, Williams thought, fighting a smirk and wondering how Shepard put up with his ever-vague answers. She liked the L.T. fine, sure, but she was hardly getting lost in his eyes the way the Commander always seemed to be.

"And you, Williams?" Shepard asked.

"Like I said on Noveria, ma'am," the gunnery chief answered, trying to stand by her opinions the way Shepard always did, "the rachni are dangerous. They proved that two thousand years ago. I think it was a mistake letting them go." She paused, briefly. "But… that wasn't my call to make. It was yours."

Despite her disagreement with the decision, she admired the commander's capacity for empathy. How she was able to wield kindness in one hand and a weapon in the other, without anyone thinking less of her for either. It took strength to be trusting, she realized. To choose to be kind.

Shepard nodded and looked down at her knuckles. "And then there's the matter of Benezia…"

"Yeah," Kaidan sighed.

"And T'Soni…" Ashley added.

The other two marines nodded.

"Poor kid."

"If you haven't talked to her yet, you probably should," Williams said, looking to the commander, "I mean, she just lost her mom. That has to hurt." When Shepard fixed her with an unreadable look, Williams added, self-consciously, "Just saying, skipper."

"We've spoken," the commander said, "but I agree. Somebody definitely should follow-up with her. See how she's getting on." Another pause. "Maybe, even, somebody who's spent the most amount of time with her? Someone who recently said she trusted her?"

Oh. Right… Shit.

There'd been no use trying to argue with Shepard, to try and convince her that she was the better choice to console the doctor in her time of need. But the gunnery chief knew when she was outgunned, so, instead, she'd just nodded, taken a moment to steal herself, then rose from the table and heading off in the direction of Liara's stolen room in the back of medical. She listened outside the door and half expected to hear quiet sobbing from the other side. But that was ridiculous. The walls of the Normandy in this part of the ship were far too thick. The medical bay in particular was built to be one of the more heavily fortified should there be an attack or crash. These walls were practically soundproof as a result.

Me and my big mouth.

"Are you planning to just stand there for the rest of your off hours?" Dr. Chakwas had teased, while, in her own way, lightly encouraging what was obviously happening. "Go on," she said softer, "The poor girl could use a friend right now."

Williams wanted to scoff. Is that what we are? she asked herself, 'Friends?'

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Williams had said as she stepped into her boots not long after Normandy had docked at Port Hanshan on Noveria.

"That's what you said about the last drop." Alenko answered, teasing her as he suited up beside her in the vehicle bay. "On Metgos."

"Yeah," she retorted, "Right before we walked directly into a geth trap."

"You two ready?" the commander asked, stepping off the elevator and already suited up. Alenko stood and gave a nod. Williams beside him did the same. "Ready, skipper."

"Anything we need to know, ma'am?" asked the L.T.

"They didn't seem too thrilled over comms about our arrival. Said they'd be checking our identification." Shepard said with a roll of her eyes. It seemed whoever she'd spoke with was a rare sort, Williams thought, immune to the spectre's usual charm. "Just everybody keep a cool head."

"Shouldn't be hard on a planet this cold," Kaidan quipped.

Naturally they were less than a hundred paces off the ship when three guards at the facility entrance tried to start trouble. At the mention of securing the shore party's weapons, Williams saw the commander reach for her firearm and followed suit, pulling out her assault rifle and aiming it at one of the officers. "Back away," the gunnery chief warned, "Nice and slow."

I knew this thing was gonna go south, she told herself. Though even she hadn't expected it to do so quite this quickly.

But apparently she misread the room, for no sooner had the commander drawn her weapon that she was holding it out at her side, saying, "Lets not start a fight," and casting a weary eye behind her. She made eye contact with Williams and motioned with her free hand to lower her weapon.

Hesitantly, the gunnery chief replied, "Aye, aye, commander."

Thankfully at just that moment the guards received confirmation of Shepard's spectre status, and the group was led inside and introduced to the administrator's secretary. William's envied Shepard's ability to remain diplomatic, even after having several guns pointed at her by a few standard rent-a-cops. When she asked the secretary if anything or anyone unusual had passed through, Parasini made mention of an asari matriach — "Lady Benezia."

"Saren's second-in-command! She's here?" Williams hissed as she turned to shoot an incredulous look at Alenko beside her.

Shepard thanked Parasini for her time before turning back to her team and moving out from under the cone of vision of the annoying weapon detectors that keep going off every time they swept over the shore party's equipment.

"If Benezia is here, we should tell Liara about it," Alenko figured, "Or, better yet, bring her along. Maybe she could reason with her."

Shepard considered the suggestion for a moment, before giving a curt nod, and Williams felt her stomach drop out from under her. Here we go, she thought, knowing she was about to be benched in favor of the civilian asari scientist. And they say there's no such thing as nepotism in the military.

"Alright, Kaidan. Go back to the ship and switch out with Dr. T'Soni. Make sure she's got her armor on right and send her out. We'll be waiting in the main lobby for her."

Williams breathed a sigh of relief that for once it wasn't she who was getting sidelined.

Alenko nodded, said, "Yes, ma'am," and turned to head back out through the complex's fancy main entrance. As he left, Ashley caught the commander's gaze linger in a notably less than professional fashion.

"Hate to see him leave but love to watch him go, aye, commander?" she teased with a knowing look, and thought she saw the commander's cheeks flush.

"I seem to recall a certain voice message of yours I overheard from some family mail you were going through, Williams," replied Shepard, who seemed to give as good as she got. Naturally, the commander had approached her right as one of Williams' younger sisters had made a somewhat suggestive comment about the lieutenant. She hadn't commented at the time, but it seemed the chief's luck had just run out — not that it wasn't partially her own fault for pushing said luck just then. "Any intentions there, chief?"

Ashley laughed. "I know better than to try and and swoop in on a guy another woman already set her sights on. Especially if she's a superior." Shepard turned and gave her a look that's momentarily indecipherable. She opens her mouth to retort but Williams cut her off before she got that chance. "Hypothetically, of course. Ma'am. We both know that'd be against regs, anyway. Don't ask, don't tell."

"Hm," said Shepard, before giving her officer a small, almost imperceptible smile and looking off.

They waited together in a comfortable silence, and before long, an asari in light armor with a pistol on her hip came through the large doors. She seemed out of breath, as if maybe she'd been running to get inside out of the weather, or was perhaps still reeling from however much Alenko had told her when he'd gone to tag her in.

"Benezia. She is here," Liara says without even so much as a hello, "I almost can't believe it." She turns her head and says to the commander. "I imagine you want to talk to me, Shepard. About my mother."

Shepard, for her part, eyes T'Soni for a few seconds, then turns and addresses Ashley. "Chief," she says, "You've spent the most time with her. Thoughts?"

Ashley can feel the asari's eyes on her as she's taken slightly aback by the question. If it were between us and her mother, who would she shoot? She hesitates, briefly, before giving a nod and saying, "I trust her, Commander."

Liara looks at the gunnery chief with an utterly unreadable expression, and an emotion pouring through her piercing, alien eyes. "Thank you, Chief Williams. That means a great deal to me."

"Don't thank me, T'Soni," the marine answers and tries to fight against her own embarrassment. "I wouldn't have said it if I didn't think it was true."

"That is exactly why I am thanking you." Liara says, softly.

Shepard — who seems pleased as punch at the interaction, and looking a fair bit like a proud mother who'd just watched two of her otherwise antagonistic children finally start to get along — gives a nod and says, "Good. You may not be military, doctor, but you're part of my crew." And with no further fanfare, turns and goes up the short stairwell and into the main plaza of Port Hanshan. As Ashley follows behind, she can feel the asari's gaze on the back of her neck like an open flame, and silently hopes she will not live to regret that endorsement.

"If you are here to talk about Benezia's death, Chief, you needn't bother. She brought it upon herself."

Damn, Williams thought. She was hardly even through the door and the doctor had barely spared her a passing glance before returning her attention to her work terminal.

"Don't pretend this doesn't bother you, T'Soni. You just lost your mom. That has to hurt."

Liara briefly paused her typing to turn halfway around in her chair and spared a speculative glance in Williams' direction. And there's something in her expression – maybe the crease in her forehead or the somewhat glassier than usual look in her eyes that catches even in the minimal lighting of the dimly lit room – that knocks the wind out of Ashley's lungs as their eyes briefly meet. And she's suddenly exceeding thankful it had been Shepard who had the dubious honor of striking the killing blow that dropped Benezia. Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, she thinks, No wonder the commander didn't want to be the one to do this.

"She… was not herself by the end," Liara said, finally. She removed her hands from her keyboard and placed them in her lap, where she stared at them and neglected to look up.

"In the end, maybe she's better off now," Williams said, clawing for some form of comforting words.

"Maybe…" Liara answered, "She was a good person. Once. Before she was twisted by Sovereign's power." She looked up, suddenly, "Chief, I…" There's a thought hungry on her tongue, begging to be said, but the maiden struggles to put it into words. "What Benezia said. About the Rachni Queen- I-…"

Williams remembers the briefly-lucid matriarch sliding an OSD with the location of the Mu Relay into Commander Shepard's hands. 'I took the location from the queen's mind,' the dying woman had told them, mournfully, 'I was not gentle.'

Ashley shivered at the memory, just as she had at the time. But now she could no longer blame the reaction on the planet's chilling temperament. Rather, it was the chilling implication of the admission. Liara's eyes watched her with a rising tide of tears threatening to breach the shoreline.

"She would have never," T'Soni whispered, "The Benezia I had known, who had raised me… The thought that any of her was still there, yet that she'd still…"

Williams was struck by the memory of one of their previous conversations, aboard Normandy, where the doctor had assured her – promised her – that anything even close to what Benezia had described was a deviant, abhorrent behavior. The pain she must have felt to discover her own mother was possible of such a treacherous, vile act. Williams couldn't even imagine.

It would be like if all those terrible things everyone always said about her grandfather were actually true. Probably even worse. Her stomach dropped out from under her at the thought of any comparable human crime. Her mouth went dry and she searched for any comforting words that could even begin to help heal the hemorrhage in the doctor's heart.

"Sovereign corrupted her."

T'Soni looked away. Resigned, she said, "Yes."

"Blame Saren," Williams told her, "And if I were you, I'd want revenge."

Liara let out a tired breath in recognition, too weak to even be considered a laugh, and her eyes scanned along the molding of the floor before she answered, voice rueful and distant, "We have enough reason to stop Saren. And revenge will not bring Benezia back. Or anyone else he has twisted by Sovereign's power, for that matter." She paused again and quickly wiped at her eye. "Better to remember her as she used to be."

As Benezia had crumpled to the floor, Williams could recall the way her daughter knelt at her side, holding her mother's hand one last time. 'Goodnight, Little Wing. I will see you again with the dawn…'

"I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost, Than never to have loved at all."

T'Soni wiped another tear from her eye and looked up at Williams. "It… what?" she asked, quietly, her gaze searching for purchase among the unfamiliar phrase.

Shit. She'd said that out loud, hadn't she? Williams fidgeted in the mourning woman's gaze as she attempted to explain. "It's a quote. From an earth poem. 'In Memoriam A. H. H.' by Alfred Lord Tennyson."

"I…" T'Soni said, and seemed to momentarily slip back into her academic persona, "I was unaware humans had poetry." She blushed, slightly, "I suppose that seems foolish, now, thinking on it. I imagine most civilizations do." Her gaze drifted back to Ashley's. "Do you… enjoy the arts, Chief?"

"Yeah," she said, walking over to sit at the foot of the cot. In the small room and with T'Soni still spun part way round in her chair, their knees nearly touched. "Yeah, I do."

"I had no idea."

Williams shrugged. "Just because I can drill you between the eyes at a hundred meters, doesn't mean I can't like sensitive stuff."

T'Soni laughed briefly beside her, but it was nearly hollow and worn thin and frail.

Shepard reached down and helped Liara to her feet, her expression having grown cold at the sight and the stillness of her mother's corpse.

'The sooner we are off this frozen world, the better.'

"What was it, again? The last part?"

Williams repeated the final couplet. "'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all."

Slowly, Liara gave a nod.

In an uncharacteristically tender move, Williams reached her hand out from where it had been resting against her knee and placed it over Liara's, still perched unmoving on her lap. She squeezed gently. "Her last words to you were telling you that she was proud of you. That's… more than a lot of people get." She sighed and muttered, "More than I got."

Liara looked up, expression quizzical.

Ashley found herself sharing before she knew what had hit her. "My dad, he… he passed away a few years back. But when he went, well, you said you looked me up. Read my file. So, I'm sure you know."

T'Soni shook her head. "There is almost nothing in your file, Chief Williams. Technical scores and a list of your assignments."

Ashley felt herself blink in surprise. "You're kidding. My commanders always find out somehow. About my family. It's… why I always got such crap assignments."

Why am I telling her this? Ashley asked herself.

But something in the doctor's gaze bid her forward in her admission. She was clearly enraptured, somehow, but not in the way Williams had seen before. Not in thar utterly unearned fashion that had simply been for her perfunctory connection to the protheans. That had made her skin crawl and her stomach lurch. This was somehow different. Somehow more.

"I'm General Williams' granddaughter. The commander of the Shanxi garrison in the First Contact War between humans and turians," Ashley explained, and watched for recognition in the other woman's eyes. It took more time than she was expecting, than it had ever taken anyone else she'd had to explain it to, but that was probably due to T'Soni being asari – and a pretty out of touch one at that. And the importance of turian and human conflicts were likely hardly the stuff of interstellar history textbooks where she had grown up. Hell, it had only been 26 years ago. That was probably hardly even history as far as Liara's people were concerned.

But the recognition came eventually. Maybe because of the additional reading the doctor had said she'd been doing on the Normandy and her crew.

"'The only human ever to surrender to an alien race,'" the archeologist quoted, sounding like a VI reading out one of the textbooks Ashley'd been forced to read in high school. "But," the doctor went on, "surely no one could have blamed you for that?"

Ashley gave a rueful laugh. "Sure. Not formally. But Dad got passed up for promotion after promotion, and I think my record merits more than garrison duty on a backwater agri colony." She shook her head. "Takes a special kind of thickheaded to march into a job where your family's blacklisted. Say — maybe that's why I survived the prothean beacon."

She watched as the doctor's face twitched, for once recognizing the joke, but not finding much humor in it. Slowly, Ashley felt Liara slip a hand out from under the one she'd forgotten she was holding, place it over top hers, and this time it was the asari who gave a comforting squeeze.

"Anyway, when my dad died a few years back, he told me: 'A Williams has to be better than the best, if only to avoid suspicion.'" She mimicked a baritone voice and puffed out her chest, but quickly deflated and gave a sigh at the memory.

Liara hummed and nodded her head. "After Benezia's betrayal to the whole of galactic civilization, I may have to adopt a similar anthem."

"Shit," Ashley said, as realization struck her, "I'm sorry – I… I didn't mean to make this about me. I was supposed to come in here to comfort you."

"No, please, chief. It's alright." Another gentle squeeze of her hand as Ashley moved to pull it away. "I appreciate you being here. And… opening up to me." Something about the way the asari said those words made a heat rise on the back of Ashley's neck. She ignored it. Chalked it up to embarrassment. The doctor went on, "This has been helpful. Truly."

There was a brief silence before Ashley asked: "Do you need to get in touch with anyone about-…? I mean, was Benezia still with your father?"

The asari seemed to startle at the question, physically recoiling some. "No." she answered a little too quickly. "No that's… not a concern."

"Oh," Williams answered, and was unable to hide the slightly surprised note in her tone. She watched Liara struggle to reply.

"I did not ever know my father," she said, "Benezia rarely spoke of her partner. Though I know she was another asari."

Williams blinks, confused. "And that," she asked, quizzically, "narrows it down?"

The gunnery chief is surprised when Liara lets out a brief laugh in response, before quickly controlling herself and bringing a hand up to cover her mouth. "Forgive me," she explains, "I forget that other species do not always know the inner workings of asari culture.

"Unions between our own kind is no longer common," she goes on to explain, "Not for the purpose of reproduction, at least. As we can reproduce with any species, most asari now believe it weakens our kind to breed among our own. Asari daughters inherit racial traits from the father species. If both parents are asari, then nothing has been gained. Or so conventional wisdom would hold.

"I am what is sometimes called a 'pureblood,'" T'Soni visibly recoils at the word, "though no asari would ever be cruel enough to say the word to my face. It is… a great insult among my people.

"It is possible Benezia's partner was… embarrassed by their union. She may have been too ashamed to publicly acknowledge me as her offspring."

"That's terrible!" Williams blurted, "How could anyone abandon their own child?"

T'Soni again looked away. "I cannot answer that. This is all speculation on my part. It is possible she wanted to be part of my life," though the tone of the sentiment made it clear Liara doubted this eventuality, "Something may have happened to her before she had the chance. Benezia never spoke of her partner. Whatever happened, it caused her too much pain to dwell on it. She raised me by herself, though that is not uncommon. Many asari raise their children alone, particularly if the father species is short-lived."

"I'm sorry," Ashley said after another labored pause. "I kind of don't know how we got here. Talking about all this, I mean."

"It is alright," T'Soni answered, straightening up in her chair, "I think, perhaps, I needed to say it. To someone." She runs her hand along the back of her neck. "Thank you, Chief Williams."

"Yeah, don't worry about it," Ashley answered, and started to get up to leave.

"Chief," Liara suddenly rises from her chair, "may I ask you one other thing before you go?"

How bad could it be?

"Shoot."

"I… am not very adapt at understanding human relationships, as I may have mentioned…"

"Alright."

Liara pauses and purses her lips. Ashley looks up at her as she finally finds the words for what she wishes to inquire: "The Commander," she begins, "and… Lieutenant Alenko…?"

The questioning way she lets her sentence fade off makes Williams begin to laugh. "Man, even you caught that?"

T'Soni smiles slightly, "So, they are interested in one another?"

"Yeah, I think so," Williams answers, "You didn't hear it from me, though."

"I see," though from her tone she clearly does not.

"It's not really supposed to happen," Ashley explains, crossing her arms and offering a small shrug, "It's against regulations. Marines aren't supposed to fraternize within the ranks. Especially superior officers having a relationship with somebody under them. But the L.T. and the Commander – it's not like Shepard is abusing her position, or anything. So you just sort of turn a blind eye. Let the kids have their fun, and all."

Slowly, T'Soni began to nod her head in understanding. "So, they would not have this hesitance were one of them not a soldier?"

"It's a safe bet."

Williams suddenly finds herself realizing: What am I – gossiping with her, now? Maybe Dr. Chakwas hadn't been so far off, after all.

"Anyway, I should get going," she says now that she finally feels like she isn't turning tail and running just because the conversation got a bit dicey. "But like I said: you didn't hear that from me."

T'Soni cracks a smile and nods. "Thank you, chief."

"Get some rest, doc."

Later that night, Alenko finds Ashley in the small gym on the ship blowing off some steam and he offers to spot her while she works on her bench presses. It's late and they're about the last two in there for the night. She's got a sizable amount over her head when the L.T. mentions, unprompted, "You know, there's something of a lower deck rumor going around about you and Dr. T'Soni. Word is that she's, uh, interested in you. As more than just a source on prothean data."

She nearly decapitates herself as she loses her focus and drops the weight. "What?"

"Just a rumor," he says, chuckling as he helps her to right the barbell. And Ashley can't tell if he's being serious, or just messing with her.

"Don't be ridiculous," she mutters.

"Though they say asari are open to that sort of thing, you know," he continues to needle her, and now she knows he's just worried she's going to break Lieutenant Miller's record and win the betting pool. "I mean, if you're into the bookish sort, that is."

"Why don't you focus on worrying about your own personal life, Alenko?" she jeers. "I hear that spectre stamina is real hard to keep up with."

It isn't her cleverest of lines but she's had a damn long day and it shuts him up for the time being. Williams finishes her reps and replaces the bar. Getting up from the bench, she half expects Kaidan to take her place, but instead he shakes his head as she motions the offer and claps her on the shoulder instead. "Oh. Just one more thing?" he says, with a note of sincerity that throws her off her game even further. "Watch your form next time. I've seen what cutting corners can do to somebody. Hate to see that happen to you. Or anybody on this ship I care about."

She shoots him a look and he adds, "There's nothing wrong with taking things slow, is all. Especially if it means nobody getting hurt."

He walks off towards the men's showers, and Ashley is left with the distinct impression he somehow hadn't actually been talking about her fitness regiment.

As she's walking back towards her bunk after getting washed up, head half preoccupied with replaying the odd conversation she'd just had with Kaidan, Williams catches Shepard heading out of the elevator with a grim look on her face.

"Everything alright, Commander?"

"Chief," Shepard looks up, quickly recovering from her surprise. "Not sure yet. Just got word from the Council about some salarian recon team that might have information on Saren. Get some shut eye while you can. We're heading towards the Attican Beta Mass Relay now. Should be in orbit over Virmire in a couple of days."

AN: ladies and gentlemen please fasten your seatbelts and keep your hands and feet inside the vehicle at all times (cause the ride is just getting started)