Hi everyone! Still in lockdown so I'm still pumping these out super fast!
I hope everyone is doing well and staying safe. I hate to say that in this chapter, we are still with the zygerrians and does hint at suicide, so read what you can and if you can't, there's a chapter summary at the bottom for you.
Love you all so much!
CHAPTER TRIGGERS: Torture, physical abuse and suicidal thoughts. Read at your own risk.
PREVIOUSLY:
The togruta that he's holding is Ahsoka. There's no mistaking her this time, severely malnourished and heavily scarred as she is. Now with a full sight of her in front of him, his gaze drops to her right lekku which was concealed from the angle he had before. The tip of it is missing, severed from her level of her shoulder. He's horrified. She doesn't even look up.
"I'm sorry," Obi-wan pleads with him. His voice is smaller than Rex has ever heard. "Please, it won't happen again."
"You were warned that it is not you that will be punished," the guard only sneers at him as he shoves Ahsoka in front of them and brings his whip back down on her.
CHAPTER THREE: The Processing Facility
Ahsoka doesn't look up to see who the zygerrian guard is talking to. It will only bring the whip down on her again if she does, but she doesn't need to.
She knows who it is, can feel the way he's attempting to reach out to her through the force, trying to communicate. She resists the urge to snarl at the intrusion, and instead she puts all her effort into protecting her mind from him. It's the last piece of herself that the zygerrians don't have, and she'd be damned if she let anyone touch it, even if it's another Jedi.
Obi-wan Kenobi. The name used to spike in her feelings of comfort and familiarity, but she doesn't entertain those childish notions anymore.
"No, stop!" the words tumble out in his familiar Stewjoni accent. "I'm sorry, it was my mistake!"
The guard only laughs, and kicks at the back of Ahsoka's legs. Her knees buckle and she falls onto the ground as the whip strikes her again and again and again. She gasps and chokes. Her nerves sing with white hot pain, and she can't move.
"Beg me before she dies because of you," she distantly hears, and she doesn't know if he does, she only knows that she can only take thirty-three shocks from the whip before she starts to black out, and right now she's on twenty… twenty one… twenty two…
She starts to panic. It's not stopping, and they will not be kind to her if she falls unconscious.
But it eventually ends, and she's left sprawled on the ground as the zygerrian walks away laughing.
"Ahsoka," Obi-wan breathes, and she can feel him approaching, his hand reaching to touch her. Alarmed, she bares her teeth and jerks away from him, clumsily getting to her feet. By now, she also knows that there is only a certain amount of time a slave has to recover and get back to work before they come back and make them regret it.
"Don't," she growls under her breath, and she almost expects the whip for it, but the zygerrians can't hear her speak. "You'll only make things worse." She darts her eyes up quickly, just long enough to get a glimpse of the situation. Obi-wan and Rex. They both look too healthy and too unmarred to have been here long. That's not good. That means they haven't yet learnt not to try anything that would get them all killed.
She can see that he wants to say more, but she picks up her shovel and stumbles away towards another workstation before he can manage it, the aftershocks of the electro-whip interspersing her movement with violent tremors.
Her heart is racing, and she can barely breathe. She's furious. Why are they here? They should not be here. She's worked hard to become unnoticed by the zygerrians over the years, to become just another one of their endless number of slaves. Their presence here has brought all eyes back on her again, undone all the years of pain and suffering she was forced to endure.
Was it not bad enough that they doomed her to this life?
"Jedi skug," she hears from behind her. She quickly drops her shovel and turns around, eyes on the floor as a zygerrian approaches and steps off his hoverchair. It's Keeper Agruss, so she makes sure she's careful. No mistakes around the Keeper.
"Yes, master," she says in a soft, placating voice.
He laughs at her submissiveness, but she knows that's a good thing. It's what he wants from her. "I must say, you've been so broken that I almost forgot what you are."
She says nothing. He leans forward and his breath is hot against her face.
"Don't think that the Jedi's presence changes anything. Remember your place. Remember who you truly belong with. For your sake, or I'm sure Denturri will not be happy when he returns."
The name evokes a spike of fear. "Yes master," she repeats and the zygerrian leaves. She picks her shovel back up and returns to work.
It makes sense. Maybe they were brought here by Master Denturri to test her. Why else would they be here if not to taunt her with their presence?
After a while, she allows herself to get lost in her work. It's about the only thing that got easier with time, with her muscles seasoning to the hard labour, or as much as it could have with what little she's been given to eat. The force used to help too, though she no longer has the courage to use it. The slavers don't like it when she does, and a part of her is afraid that it's been dormant in her for so long that if she calls for it, it won't respond.
Just another reminder of how truly she has lost herself in this cursed mine.
"Shift is over skugs," a guard suddenly announces, and it brings Ahsoka back to the present. It comes with a relief, because her muscles have cramped much more readily today. It's been a while since she's earned herself a shock that extensive. Everyone around her drops their tools and makes their way towards the middle of the floor and she follows suit.
A pile of scraps is tossed their way, and she joins as the rest of the slaves around her form a line. She's nearly at the front when she sees movement behind her. It's Obi-wan, with Rex behind him, trying to make their way closer to where she is. She looks over to where Keeper Agruss is watching over them and finds that he is already looking at her. Not good. Nervously she stumbles forward, receives her share of food and hurries away before they can catch up to her.
But she's forgotten how persistent unprocessed people can be. They don't take a hint, or maybe they do and they don't care. Either way, they grab their own share of food and make their way to where she's sitting by herself, dropping to the floor beside her. She looks over to the Keeper again, and though he's still watching, he looks intrigued and doesn't look like he's about to stop them.
"What?" she growls out to them. For the first time, she allows herself to properly look up at them, to make eye contact, and she doesn't like what she sees. There's a deep sorrow in Obi-wan's eyes. This place is going to break him for it. She's seen it happen too many times.
"Ahsoka," Obi-wan whispers. Beside him, Rex looks anguished too.
"You shouldn't be here," she tells both of them. She tells herself she doesn't care. It doesn't matter why they're here, but she just has to know. Has to know that what Keeper Agruss said isn't true. That they weren't sent here by her master.
"We were sent to rescue the colonists of Kiros from slavery," Obi-wan tells her, though his eyes still plead with her. For what, she doesn't know, and doesn't care. "We were captured, but I believe Anakin is still on Zygerria. For now, we're just here to lay low."
Anakin. The name presses more distant memories to the front of her mind, but she's quick to push them down. So they're not here for her. She didn't want them to be, but the knowledge stings just a little. They're here on a mission, carrying on as if she were never there. The scenarios she used to let herself imagine as a child were actually true. Who would have thought? If she was younger, she knows she would have been heartbroken.
"Well I'm glad that at least they are worth rescuing," she mutters bitterly. Obi-wan recoils, and a dark part of her draws some satisfaction from it.
"Ahsoka, we thought you were dead," he tries to tell her. "We tracked you to a bounty, but-"
"I don't want to hear it," Ahsoka says. Her eyes drop. She doesn't want to hear their excuses. She can't afford to entertain the possibility that she wasn't abandoned. It hardly matters anymore, she's no longer one of them. They have to understand that.
"I don't need anything from either of you." She glances at the Keeper again, and he's smiling at her, as if he can hear her words. "I have a new master, and he doesn't want me to talk to you." They look dejected, but she says it one more time. She has to get through to their stubbornness. "I mean it. If you want to survive this and if you want me to survive this, stay out of trouble. Keep to yourself. Don't talk to me again."
She hopes that it's enough. They may be stubborn, but she hopes that they haven't been here long enough to have lost their selflessness.
From what Ahsoka can remember about Captain Rex, he's a highly intelligent, obedient and considerate Captain. One that he remembers the other men being more than grateful to be serving under. She wonders with her gone, if he was ever promoted to Commander.
She hopes not. From what she can see now, he's turned either stubborn, selfish, stupid or short-sighted. Maybe all of the above. She knows better than anyone that time can change people, but she still had hope that he'd know better than to approach her again.
Well, he doesn't exactly. He's smart about it, which she can at least be thankful for. He doesn't stick by her side or seem to seek her out, always at least one station over, but he's always within her eyesight, which means she's always within his. She knows there's nothing she can do about it without bringing it further to the attention of the zygerrians, but they don't seem to care. Or notice.
Even now, the clones are no more acknowledged than they were when she was their commander. It used to sprout in her a righteous anger, but now she's jealous. In a place like this, it's a blessing not to be noticed.
But even though his presence doesn't directly cause her any trouble per se, it does serve as a distraction. She can feel his eyes on her back when she's busy shoveling dirt out of the way, and in return, she can't help but flicker her eyes towards him when she passes. It's irritating, and she wants to tell him that it could easily cause either of them to slip up.
She refuses to take a beating for either of them.
Surprisingly, she makes it through the rest of the day no more worse off than she usually does. She didn't think they'd let her off so easily, especially now with Obi-wan and Rex now enslaved with her, but she must have done something right.
She passes Rex on the way towards the sleeping quarters and she gives him a dark glare hidden under her ducked head. He stares right back at her unflinching, and Ahsoka decides that it's definitely stubbornness that she sees in him. It just makes her more angry.
"I told you not to approach me," she hisses, barely audible. She hopes he caught it, because she has already continued forward.
He's still following her as she walks towards the direction of her bunk. Well, it's not her bunk, but it's been hers for the past three years, right in the back corner where she can silently observe the slaves come and go, notice the new faces and those who never returned for the night, either collected by their masters or dead. She knows it's been three years because of the strikes etched onto the bed frame with a sharp rock she once smuggled in from the mines. Rex is still watching when she takes the time to scratch in a new line.
As she climbs up and lowers herself painfully against the bunk frame, she glances back at him and catches the quick and subtle movement of his hands.
I won't, he signs in military signals. She's surprised she even remembers it, though she supposes she should thank Rex for drilling it into her head like he did.
I also told you not to talk to me, she tries to say back with only her fingers. She's not brave enough to raise her hands.
I won't.
The next day starts a little better than the previous day. Obi-wan and Rex keep their distance, even Rex who she hardly sees much of. Maybe he isn't as stubborn as she first thought. That's good, it makes things much easier for her. She knows how to look out for herself best when she's alone.
Whatever is keeping them away from her, she's glad for it, she thinks.
But she soon amends that thought. She realises the reason that Rex isn't as determined to stick by her side like he was the previous day. They're under much heavier scrutiny. She can hear the sound of whips striking and electro-staffs crackling more frequently, and the occasional gleeful utterance of "Jedi Skug,'' to someone who isn't her.
Changed as she is, she hasn't lost her empathy, and she hurts for the both of them like it's her being punished. It's not so hard for her to imagine after all, she knows what it's like to stand out while being newly processed.
She doesn't stay off the hook for long. Her first shock for the day comes without a provocation on her part, and she jerks and drops her heavy load in surprise. Her back arches where she was prodded and she gasps. A particularly heavy rock lands on her bare foot, and she jumps back in surprise and pain. It earns her two more lashes.
The zygerrians don't leave her side after that. They become a constant presence behind her, jeering at her and striking at her once in a while. To her dismay, she realises that it's not punishment for her mistakes that causes their whips to flare to life. It's only for their sadistic urges and their amusement, and there's nothing she can do to ease the pain but grit her teeth and bare it.
She wonders what's different about today that she has suddenly gained so much attention, almost as if she too were new, but with the distant startled shouts of a clone and the derogatory words towards Jedi that seem to float around the facility, it's not hard to guess.
It's not their fault. She knows it's not their fault but her nerves cry out in pain all the same. She digs her jagged fingernails into the palm of her hand, and she feels her skin break under the pressure.
She doesn't manage to work with the effectiveness she's become known for, and it only further provokes the guards. She wishes they'd stop for a moment, because it's becoming an increasingly dangerous cycle. Faltering turns to punishment which turns to faltering which turns to punishment. And it's becoming longer and more frequent each time. And while Rex's eyes are no longer on hers, the Keeper's eyes certainly are, and he looks pleased.
"Remember who you are, remember who you belong to," he'd remind her once in a while, his hoverchair whirring tauntingly by her head.
"Yes master," she says every time, though each time only reminds her of why she hates this place, why she wishes with everything she is that she could belong elsewhere. Maybe even by Obi-wan and Rex's side.
No. She can't afford to think like that, especially not now.
She hates this place. She hates herself more.
When the guards gather them all for their meal, she struggles to keep her food down. Her teeth chatter with the aftermath of the shocks, and the sickening taste of spoilt food mixes with the sour tang of blood from a bitten tongue. To her horror, with the taste of blood comes the taste of tears. She hasn't cried in years, but she does today for no other reason than the fact that she doesn't think she can take it anymore.
Three years is her limit, and her three years are up.
The end of the day can't come fast enough, but it eventually does. It brings her back to Rex, who after a day of absence, still resides two bunks away from her on the top bunk.
He bears the scars from today. The whips have split the cloth of his shirt into shreds to reveal his bloody back. She aches for him because it's only the start.
He too will slowly learn what it means to be a slave.
He meets her eyes, and she wants so badly to run, scamper up to his bunk and collapse into his arms. To remind herself of the comfort of a clone. She's absolutely falling apart at the seams, and she no longer has the strength to care, to even attempt to pick herself back up. The tears start again, and she doesn't try to stop them.
I'm sorry trooper, he tells her, though with the limited vocabulary of military signs, she suspects he means another word other than trooper. A word that was only used amongst the brothers until they took her in as family and deemed her worthy of it too.
I'm sorry vod'ika.
Sorry for today, maybe. But there is a look in his eyes that makes her think he means more than that. She doesn't know for sure, but she can only guess what he's trying to tell her.
I'm sorry for leaving you behind.
She doesn't answer, just drops her head, looks away and tries to lie down in a position that doesn't aggravate the newly opened flesh on her back. It hurts, hurts that they were her people and when she was ripped from their grasp, they never fought to have her back. It hurts that they had given her the highest honour of being one of them, and now she couldn't feel more distanced from the ones she used to call family. She couldn't feel more alone.
But he's here now. And though they can't talk, can't touch, can barely look at each other without having to glance over their shoulders, he's here, and she hurts just a little less.
It's not enough to stop her though, because her mind is already made up. Tonight, she doesn't etch a new line into the frame of her bed. Instead, she spends her time counting them. She wants to know how many days she was forced to endure. How many nights she managed to fall asleep with the will to survive another day. Nine hundred and ninety-seven nights. Not nine hundred and ninety-eight, because tonight doesn't count.
This is the last night that she's going to spend in this cursed bed.
CHAPTER SUMMARY:
The chapter starts just where we left off, but from Ahsoka's perspective. She's being punished at the same time as she's learning that Obi-wan and Rex are here. She doesn't know why they're here, but she refuses their help all the same, afraid that their presence here will mean that the zygerrians will be less forgiving with her. This turns out to be true, and Keeper Agruss warns her that their presence here does not change the fact that she is a slave, and that she should not forget it. She soon learns that they're here to save the togruta colonists from slavery. They try to talk to her further, but she refuses, telling them that it will only endanger the three of them further.
Obi-wan chooses to distance himself from Ahsoka, but Rex remains close throughout the day. He doesn't approach her of speak with her, but just seems to watch her. She's scared that the zygerrians will notice it, but they don't seem to so she lets it go. That evening when Rex chooses a bunk for himself that is near her, she reminds him not to approach her or talk to her, and he agrees.
The next day, Ahsoka doesn't see Obi-wan or Rex, but she can hear that the zygerrians are punishing them more severely today, and deduces that it's the reason why Rex chose not to stay close to her today. Soon though, the zygerrians do the same to her. She takes beatings even though she does nothing to warrant punishment, all while being reminded that she's no longer a Jedi, but a slave. As the day goes by, her tolerance slowly wears thin, and she loses hope.
As the next evening comes, Ahsoka decides that after three years, she isn't able to bear another day in the facility. She looks to Rex, who somewhat provides her with some comfort despite not being able to communicate properly, but despite that, the chapter ends with the implication thoughts of suicide.
Dark dark and more dark. The sun will shine on them again my friends. I hope it was all okay for you. Let me know how I'm doing, if you'd change anything or want to see the story go a certain way. No promises of course, but I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas!
Feedback is always welcome.
See you all for chapter 4!