Author's Note -

Thanks for stopping by! A few notes from myself to you, dear reader. This is my first foray into fanfic writing, and the way this is presented is a little unorthodox (and to be fair, probably a bit choppy in spots). I've borrowed quarian ideas found in other stories that are attributed to Calinstel (among others, I'm sure).

I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. Keelah se'lai!

"Go back to Rannoch. Build yourself a home."

"But…I have a home…"

Audibly, Tali's voice only wavered. But behind her mask, she was sobbing now.

Explosions and yelling were everywhere. It was chaos. It was a warzone. It was the end of the galaxy. But in their ears, there was only the sound of their breathing.

She felt his hand against the side of her head, near the back against her realk. It's where it was softest, and where he knew she would feel his touch against her.

He turned away. Took two steps. Turned back to her. She saw in his face an indecisiveness that she'd never seen before. For an irrational moment, he thought of staying with her.

Even though it would have meant the end of everything, he thought that he would have been okay with that.

So would she.

But that moment ended. He chose his deeper love over his immediate need to stay with her. He saw her with the love that had propelled him to do anything to protect her; to save her. He would stop the Reapers. If he had to crawl on his hands and knees to stop them, he would. If he had to die to do it.

Anything for you, serya. Including my life.

Before he could turn to face the end, he heard her plead to him softly. Her gentle hand was outstretched, yearning to touch him just one more time.

"Come back to me…"

It was excruciating to hear her plead to him. Shepard would do anything for her.

You'd better believe that I will try.

The last thing he saw before the Normandy ascended was Garrus gather her up, helping her aboard. The burly turian had his arm around her waist and she limped weakly with him. He would get her to safety – inasmuch as that was possible. She looked back once more. They locked eyes; likely for the final time.

Garrus. If nothing else, he would take care of her.

Turning once more into the breach, Shepard took off running, slaloming. Evading. Trying desperately not to die.

But the Reaper known as Harbinger was not here to take prisoners. Its giant form towered over and dominated everything in sight. It was, quite literally, death incarnate.

Shepard was having none of it.

The smell of fires, charred flesh, the acrid smell that the Reaper's beam left in its wake filled his nose. He wanted to throw up.

Explosions erupted everywhere. The ground shook violently around him.

"That was close."

The beam was getting closer with each shot taken by the Reaper.

Shepard dodged again – lost his footing – ran forward again. He had to get to the beam. To the Citadel. There was no other option.

You have to save Tali. She deserves her life.

They all do.

When he looked up again, Harbinger did not miss.

Please no -

The ground exploded around him. Erupted beneath him. He thought he heard a scream.

He did – it was his own.

Then nothing. There was just…nothing.

Am I dead?

I can't be.

I have to…Tali…build a home…

When he opened his eyes once again, he felt pain everywhere. His N7 armor was useless and practically shattered around him. He had a hole in his abdomen. He bled from the wound, and his ears rang painfully.

"Build yourself a home." Shepard was repeating and reliving their last conversation, a means to an end.

"But I have a home," he heard her plea in his mind as he said it aloud. God how it hurt him – more than any physical wound he suffered with now. It was quite easily the hardest decision he had ever made. It was one that he would have made 100 out of 100 more times.

Tali, anything for you.

His vision cleared, the ringing in his ears did not. It would have to do. Grunting, he managed to stumble to his feet, picking up his sidearm as he did so.

"One clip. Let's hope it's enough."

Looking up, he saw that he was close. Just a few more meters. The mindless, zombie-like husks hurled their flailing forms at him with a singular purpose. As they rushed toward him in a last-ditch effort to stop him, they were mowed down with deadly precision. And still he staggered forward.

It wasn't the face of Garrus, his best friend, that motivated him.

It wasn't Liara's.

It was Tali'zorah's.

It was you. It was always you.

Dispatched, Shepard became aware that more were coming after him. He could barely see them now. He could barely see at all. The light was so bright.

"This ends NOW."

Commander Shepard stepped into the light.

Come back to me.

There were sparks flying everywhere. Shouting and screaming. Orders being barked out.

It was chaos, and Tali'zorah vas Normandy heard none of it.

She was trapped in her mind now. Replaying what she dreaded were to be the last words she would say to Shepard – John – her…Captain. Friend. Mentor. Companion. Lover. Serya. Tali had ceased to notice how wet her cheeks were, or how broken her ribs were.

For a few brief moments, she was tempted to pull herself from Garrus' grasp and run to the bridge. She would force Joker to turn this ship around.

She would go back for him.

She was an admiral, after all.

Her mind screamed that this was wrong. That leaving Shepard behind was a staggering and disgusting betrayal of all that he had done for them. For her.

But that's not why he left her - all of them - behind.

Sacrificial lamb.

Come back to me.

Her throat was so sore and constricted. Her mouth was dry. She could barely move. Step after step, her plodding pace the physical embodiment of her mental state.

She was vaguely aware that Garrus was guiding her to sick bay.

The ship shuddered and veered violently. She lost her footing and nearly tumbled to the floor. Garrus, her friend, caught her before she completely stumbled down. She grunted and yelped as his strong turian hands grabbed her around the waist. It was reactionary – she hadn't really noticed that she was still injured.

He apologized.

She mumbled something that might've been a dismissal of guilt.

Build yourself a home.

"But I have a home…" She must have mumbled it aloud, because Garrus asked if she was okay. She nodded in affirmation.

The sick bay doors slid open and Chakwas, the ship's physician, took Tali's other arm and guided her to a bed. She and Garrus lifted her together. Tali laid back, instinctively.

Chakwas and Garrus were talking to each other, Chakwas darting concerned looks at her as they spoke. Finally, she nodded in understanding. She said something more to Garrus, and he shook his head "no" vehemently. The doctor sighed, but not disapprovingly.

She couldn't see the turian anymore, but she felt a three-fingered hand press against her shoulder.

Garrus. He squeezed it gently.

"I want more time…"

I know.

Tali became aware enough to hear Joker's voice over the intercom. She didn't understand what he said, but Garrus and the doctor immediately got up and strapped Tali to the bed. She felt fresh pressure on her legs, her waist, her ribs (agonizing pain) just under her breasts, and again across her shoulders.

Chakwas leaned over her, compassion and caring on her face.

"Tali, I've had to strap you down, okay? I'll be right here, and Garrus is here. You will be okay."

She didn't see the doctor strap herself into her own chair.

Turning her head, Garrus began to strap himself down to the other open chair. He looked past her, and his eyes widened. Leaping to his feet, he flew across the room and embraced Tali.

Except he didn't.

He had gripped the sides of the bed and covered her – shielded her – from all manner of boxes and debris that had been stored in overhead compartments.

The Normandy shuddered and the engines whined.

Tali yelped as she felt Garrus tense up and fall against her. She thought she heard noises like falling and clattering metal.

Lights flickered then went dark.

Only the faint red of the emergency lights could be seen. Dead eyes in the dark.

The room shook. Tali's stomach turned and she screamed in agony as she felt intense pressure everywhere on her body.

I've definitely broken a few things.

Garrus had been flung off of her.

"So this is what it's like to die. Keelah. Do humans have an afterlife?"

She hoped so. One more violent shudder rippled through the Normandy, and that was that.

The darkness took her.

When she awoke, Tali'zorah vas Normandy was no longer restrained to a medical bed. Lights were flickering here and there but were otherwise operational. She didn't recognize the ceiling above her – this was not their cabin. Confused and afraid, she turned her head to look around, to find Shepard. Surely, he'd be here. And then pain struck her. She cried out, not from any physical pain – though it did hurt – it was one of surprise. She wasn't yet aware of where exactly she was, and why she was there in the first place. But she knew that in this place, she was alone without him.

That's when she saw the face of Dr. Chakwas, a small bandage above her right eye. The doctor gave her a soft smile and greeted her warmly.

"Tali, welcome back. How do you feel?"

Still working her way through the haze in her mind, she managed to answer.

"I'm sore everywhere." She ran her hand across her ribs and winced. "Broken ribs?"

Chakwas nodded. "Two, to be exact. But thankfully your suit did its job – and somehow wasn't dangerously compromised. You ran a fever for a couple of days-"

"Shepard?" The question was hopeful. Maybe she'd missed something while she was out, maybe because he promised -

The doctor couldn't help her response. She gave the quarian admiral a sympathetic frown and lowered her gaze slightly.

"I'm sorry, Tali."

That was that then. At first, she didn't respond. She was shattered, both physically and now, mentally. Tali had hoped – pleaded – that their sprint to get to the Citadel, and everything that had happened, was simply a product of a terrible dream.

She whimpered. Tears welled up. She couldn't contemplate a time when she wouldn't be shedding them.

"He was going to…we were…" She let out a gasp, as her mind and reality met face-to-face. She whimpered. "Oh no…"

Chakwas took a few quick steps and embraced her, as the quarian turned on her side, ignoring the pain that this brought. The doctor kept her arms around her as Tali hugged her knees to her chest, feeling the suit she wore constrict against her as she did so.

The welled-up tears gave way to body-shaking sobs of grief.

The doctor continued to hold her and motioned for the other person in the room to come over. With three quick, purposeful strides, Garrus Vakarian was at Tali's side.

Once again, he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and tried to soothe her as best he could. Instinctively aware, she clutched at his hand – gripping it tightly.

"Oh Garrus…"

She couldn't describe - either to him or to herself - just what emotions she was racked with. It was a naked sort of pain, a raw disillusionment, and now hopelessness. Why couldn't Shepard have just let her go with him? A few more moments and she would've been okay. She could've continued on. He didn't have to leave her behind.

But he had.

And now it appeared that she would be left alone to pick up whatever pieces - of her life, her heart, her soul - remained. Fickle as she currently considered such things.

"I know, kiddo. I know." His gruff voice was soft, tender. It conveyed his own pain.

After a few more moments of silent contemplation, Tali finally felt like she could turn over and face…whatever it was she was about to.

"Tali, can you sit up?"

"I…I think so."

I'm not sure I want to. Every movement I make, every action I take, is just a marker in my life that separates me from him.

Tali let out a soft grunt as she rolled over into a seated position, her legs dangling off the edge of the bed. Sitting up now, Chakwas gave her a quick medical scan via her omnitool. A slight frown crossed her face, but she still seemed to be satisfied with her readings. She gave a nod to Garrus, which he returned in acknowledgment as she walked away – presumably to check on other crewmates.

The turian pulled up a chair and sat down in front of her.

He inhaled sharply and exhaled slowly. "Tali, how are you feeling? What do you remember?"

"I feel like I just took another ride in the Mako…without the restraints and…Shepard at the wheel."

Garrus chuckled. "That good, eh?"

"As for what…I remember?"

Keelah, do I have to do this?

"We were charging up to the beam – to the Citadel – and…and something came at us?" She asked this rhetorically. "And I was hurt," she subconsciously rubbed at her side.

He nodded to confirm that she was correct. "That would be the damn Mako that we're all so fond of. You're doing great." Garrus sighed. "Keep going."

"You and Joh- Sheppard," there was a noticeable pause as she swallowed hard, "you pulled me to safety. I…wanted to…" Tears crept up again. Her throat tightened.

Keep going. Keelah, you have to finish this.

A deep breath. She continued.

"I wanted to go with him. I would have gone with him. Garrus, I was ready to die with him. For him. But he left…me…behind."

Ignoring the pain of her ribs, she had crossed her arms in what looked like an attempt to hug herself.

Suddenly, anger burst out of her. "Garrus, he left me behind. That bosh'tet." She had playfully insulted both Garrus and Shepard with that word before, playful banter amongst friends and comrades, but this was not one of those times. There was genuine venom there. She regretted the insult as soon as it flew from her mouth, and her hands snapped to her vocalizer in a clear indication of surprise and shame.

"Why did he do that, Garrus?" Crossing her arms across her chest again, she quietly asked the question with an air of genuine wonder, in the way a human child would ask why Earth's sky was blue.

The turian thought about this for a few seconds before answering.

"If memory serves, he told you to go build a home. On Rannoch."

But I have a home

She shuddered at the memory – the wound was fresh and far too sensitive.

"But I have a home…" She hadn't realized that she had spoken out loud.

Garrus simply nodded and made deliberate eye contact. "But you have a home." She looked at him quizzically before he continued. "That's right, Admiral Tali'zorah vas Normandy. You have a home."

Confused at first, she waited for Garrus to finally –

"Garrus, what are you saying?"

"I'm saying that Shepard made sure that you have a home. Hell, he made sure that we all still do." It was his own turn to pause, apparently to take in this fact in his own right. After all, even if Shepard's focus was to give her a homeworld, he had also made sure that allhomeworlds would see the light of this day.

"As usual, whatever it was that needed to be done, Shepard did it." He chuckled softly and shook his head in disbelief. "Because of course he did. That crazy son of a bitch."

In a moment of melancholy, he muttered quietly and with his own sense of wonder, "There's no Vakarian without Shepard. Huh."

Tali heard this and squeezed her friend's shoulder. She knew that she wasn't the only person for whom Shepard had fought and-

"You mean…we won?"

He gave her a tired grin. "It certainly appears that way."

Tali, still disbelieving that this one nightmare might be over

Just to be replaced by another one.

asked, "How? What happened?"

"I…we don't have details, but Admiral Hackett gave the order to pull back as the Crucible fired, or did whatever it was supposed to do. It let out an energy wave of some kind. Sensors showed that this wave was destroying the Reapers as it hit them. Joker flew to the local relay. Whatever it was, it followed us through. Traynor thinks that the energy used the relays to spread throughout the galaxy."

Tali sensed a "but" coming.

"But, it looks like it destroyed synthetic life – all synthetic life – as it destroyed the Reapers."

A quiet gasp. "So…EDI?"

A quick nod, with his eyes downturned. "She was online when it hit us." He swallowed hard. "Yes, EDI."

"And what about the Citadel?"

Vakarian sighed again. "We don't really know. Tali, the force of the wave from the Crucible was enormous, I'm…not optimistic. But we don't really have details yet."

That shocked her. What had happened? And how long has it been?

Forgetting the doctor's explanation: "Garrus, how long…?"

"Just a couple of days."

Keelah, "just" a couple of days

A thought entered her mind then, one that she did not expect. She gasped.

"Does that mean the Geth…?"

Garrus chuckled softly, without humor. "Traynor was studying the sensor data and well, I think it's…safe to say that they were destroyed too."

So it finally happened after 300 years. It happened anyway.

Legion. For nothing.

Creator Tali'Zorah, does this unit have a soul?

Tali shuddered at the thought of her former foe-turned-friend. They sat together in silence for what felt like a long time. It was a long time.

Tali looked up at him, the soft glow of her eyes visible through her opaque mask.

"Garrus, thank you." For being my friend. My brother. Thank you for always looking out for me.

He understood everything that her thanks entailed. He placed her arm around his neck and his arm around her waist and gently hoisted her to her feet.

"You're welcome, Tali. You're welcome."

Taking a couple of tentative steps, she felt steady enough to try to walk under her own power.

"Now there are plenty of people who are anxious to see their friend out of bed. And I'm sure Ashley will want to know that the resident quarian admiral is alive and well."