Keeping busy was easier, she realized. She supposed that that had always been the case, but so rarely had she actually noticed that having tasks and actually doing things helped keep the memories at bay. At least while she was awake. Nights were the worst, as she suspected was often the case. Tali remembered to the days following the trial, when she learned that her father, Admiral Real'zorah, had died in a misguided quest to fulfill a promise to his only daughter. Those nights were difficult. The nightmares were ever-present.

But you were never actually alone, were you?

No, she knew that that had not been the case. She hadn't slept much, but Shepard had been there with her every night in the mess hall. He was there whenever she needed him – whether she knew she needed him or not.

Keelah, he was always there for me.

They would make idle chit chat or discuss some changes she had in mind for the engines or shields. He would never bring up her father on his own. Sometimes they would just sit in comfortable silence, both knowing their presence held comfort for each of them.

"With all due respect, admirals, I didn't represent one of your people. I represented one of mine."

"You deserve better, Tali."

"I got better. I got you."

He had confided to her (after she persisted in asking why he, too, was never sleeping when he should be), that he suffered from nightmares, but these were more intense than he had ever had. He told her, to the best of his ability, of what it was like to have died. How he almost always woke up in a cold sweat, with a scream in his throat and his bedsheets in tatters, usually on the floor. And how sometimes he was convinced that in the mirror was a corpse staring back at him. "Zombie Shepard" he had tried to joke with her. She shivered even now, just thinking about it. Coming back from the dead had taken its toll.

Thinking back on it, Tali realized that there was quite a bit that he had helped her with – even before that damn trial. With quite a bit of reluctance and at his insistence when she hesitated, she had tried to tell him how she had suffered for the two years that he was…gone. Even then, he had known her better than she had known herself. Perhaps their bond had begun much earlier than she had realized.

"Hey Tali," she hears his voice through the intercom at her station in engineering, "when you're free, come on up to Deck One." Shepard waited for a moment, really just a beat for comedic effect. "I've 'requisitioned' some turian chocolate, if you're interested." His smile was evident.

She giggled. Of course he knew that her shift was done in about 30 seconds. And that she would have gladly challenged Garrus to an arm-wrestling contest for some of his chocolate.

"Of course, Shepard. I'm on my way now."

She nodded at Ken and Gabby on her way out - they smiled at her knowingly.

When she arrived, Shepard was sitting relaxed on the couch, nursing a cup of tea (earl grey, hot with a splash of honey like always). On the table sat an unopened box, presumably the promised turian chocolate. Tali was a bit confused - this was clearly not just some "requisitioned" item. Upon closer inspection, she read the inscription. It was from Mazzi's, "the finest purveyor of Dextro-chocolates in the galaxy". She shot him a look as she quietly shook her head. Opening the package, she was startled once more - they were sealed specifically for quarian consumption. Tali looked first at Shepard, then at the chocolates. He can see her smile.

"They're all yours, Miss vas Neema."

"Keelah, Shepard! You didn't have -"

He stopped her there. "I know that, Tali. I just…I just wanted you to be able to enjoy something decadent for once." He shrugged, hoping to feign levity. "Besides, it's on Cerberus' dime."

She pointed at him in mock accusation. "This had better not be some ploy to just get in my suit, Shepard."

"Nothing could be further from the truth, Miss -"

They both started laughing as Tali interrupted him. "And don't 'Miss vas Neema' me, you bosh'tet!"

Eventually, they eased into their comfortable routine. They chatted lightly and easily; telling the other about their days. That was not the main reason he had invited her up, however. She'd been hiding something from him - well, not just him, but everyone - and he was determined to get to the root of it. He noticed it in the subtle ways she would sometimes evade looking at him, or how she would tense up if he gave her a simple pat on the shoulder.

Something had been off for a bit now, and he had a feeling he knew what it was. After all, it was his job to be attuned to his crew.

And he had somehow become especially attuned to his best friend's signals.

"Tali," his tone turned more serious, "is everything all right between us? Obviously, it seems that way since we're both here, but is there something bothering you?"

She hesitated. "Of…of course not, Shepard. Nothing's bothering me. I'm fine. Why would you ask?"

He heard it in her voice, and the subtle change in her body language. She clearly had lied to him.

"Because I know you, Tali. I know you well enough to know that that's not true. I don't think that you're fine. And neither do you."

There was a noticeable pause as she felt herself get hot with anger. She tried to stop it - to stop herself from doing what she was about to do. She should just deal with it. In the end, she failed. Standing up to face him, she erupted. Everything that she had tried to hide from him – from herself – exploded from her without control. "And how would you know? You weren't even there! You left me alone! For two years! And I…and I…of course something's bothering me! This whole time, I had to try to go on without…" With each accusation, she pointed a long finger at him.

Shepard had perhaps expected an outburst, but he still had not been prepared for that. He had felt every syllable lash out at his very soul, and her words stung him. Not for the first time, he felt guilt for hurting her; for something that had been completely out of his control.

And as quickly as her anger had come, it receded and was instead replaced with shame and cold regret. Had she really just shouted at him? Chastised him? For being dead?

She crossed her arms around her chest protectively, it was the only thing she could think of to do with them. Her voice wavered and dripped with sorrow. "Oh keelah, I'm so sorry. Please…please forgive me, Shepard. I didn't mean it…it's just that…sometimes, I…I…"

His presumption had been correct.

"It's just that sometimes I can't actually believe that this is real - that you're real. And I'm so afraid that," her voice was breaking noticeably now, "this is just another nightmare that I'm having, disguised as a dream. The best dream…and that I'll wake up on the Neema…"

That was it. The dam broke.

In between her sobs of grief she managed to eke out the remainder of that sentence: "I'll wake up on the Neema, and you'll still be dead."

He watched her carefully and saw her legs shake like they were going to give out. He swallowed back the idea of what he should do, and instead did what he had to do. Shepard immediately stood up and closed the distance between them in two quick strides. Her hands were balled into fists on either side of her face - well, mask. She was shaking as the pain and anger of two long years coursed through her body.

Instinctively, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him. Tenderly, he rubbed her back. She pressed her masked face into his chest, wrapping her own arms around him.

"Shhh…it's okay, Tali. I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere. I am so sorry that you went through that. If I could change it, I would."

"I know…and it's not your fault…it was never your fault…but…Shepard, I missed you so much…"

All of the sleepless nights.

All of the tears.

All of the people that she refused to let in - even her Auntie Raan. It had been so hard.

I was happy to touch him, to hold his hand just to remind us both that he was alive – really alive.

We helped each other through that.

But now he really is dead.

Tears again.

Bosh'tet.

She took deep breaths and closed her eyes. She willed the tears away. They could come out later. For now, though, there was one more adjustment to the fuel matrix she had to make, and then that would be one more problem solved.

I can't believe how much progress we're making here. I guess I shouldn't be surprised – what a team this is. We might even be able to get off of this rock in a few days.

"Tali."

It was Traynor on the comms. She had become the de facto go-between when coordinating repairs and status changes amongst the departments and Ashley Williams, the ranking Alliance officer on board (and the only resident Council Spectre, whatever that means anymore).

"Go ahead." She was mildly annoyed to have been interrupted. She was determined to get the Normandy off of this rock, which they had determined to be the far side of Eden Prime. Fortuitous, but not surprising considering that they only got through one relay with limited time to plot a jump. They hadn't encountered anyone else, but that wasn't surprising either considering the amount of damage that the colony was likely dealing with.

"Commander Williams is calling a staff meeting in about 10 minutes in the War Room. We think that communications have been at least partially restored – even via the local mass relay."

Tali's breath caught in her throat and her eyes widened.

"We think we've got a message from Admiral Hackett, but we're running a few more tests to verify the systems." Traynor couldn't hide the excitement in her voice as she told her. There was an eagerness to it. For the first time in a long time, there was even hope.

"Oh…okay," Tali cleared her throat as she tried to sound nonchalant. She was wringing her hands tremendously. "I'll be there in five. Thank you."

She couldn't believe it. Trying to keep a level head, she focused on her breathing and on finishing the task at hand.

Since she had returned to active duty (when had Garrus gotten her out of that bed? Two days? Three?), that was the only way she'd been able to operate. One system at a time, one task at a time. Eventually, she'd hoped that there would be discernible progress made. Clearly, she wasn't the only one making progress. But to think that there were others out there! People were still alive! Maybe even –

Keelah, don't you dare get ahead of yourself. Stay focused; 'one task at a time'.

A heavy sigh escaped her with that thought. Of course, it made sense. Stay on point, stay on task.

Satisfied with the results of the last diagnostic, she tapped a few buttons on her omnitool and it went dark. She leaned on her workstation panel, closing her eyes. Flashes of images of she and Shepard came flooding back to her, she couldn't stop them. Like a torrent -

His hand running through her hair. It is as soft as his hands are rough. Lips intertwined. Her legs wrapped around his waist, his arms holding her firmly against his chest. Her bright eyes locked with his of deep blue. He pulls his face away from hers. To breathe, to look at her. To remember. The need for the mask is gone (thanks Mordin). Their clothes – and her suit – are piled haphazardly in the corner.

He smiles gently at her. "I love you, Miss Tali'zorah vas Normandy."

He lays her down on the bed, she does not release him and instead pulls him close to her. Her smell is sweet and glorious; her skin soft and inviting. She kisses him deeply. She is in love.

She shuddered at the memory. A quick shake of her head, and Tali banished it. Saving it, perhaps, for later. Maybe when she could chance a smile. But not yet. Turning on her heels, she headed for the elevator to the main deck, trying to stay calm.

Staying calm was so much easier when there was only the work.

She allowed herself to hover over the lift's keypad and had almost pressed the button for Deck 1 – the Captain's cabin. She hesitated, letting out a shuddering breath.

Tali, don't you dare. Not yet. And now is not the time, you bosh'tet.

What's that saying that Adams had been so fond of? 'Old habits and all that…'?

Thankfully, Donnelly and the rest of the engineering crew were still cleaning up their respective areas. She could hear the clanging of metal against metal as tools were replaced into their respective storage areas. It would appear that they hadn't noticed that she was standing in the lift with her hand hovering over the control, like she had forgotten what she was doing. Exhaling sharply, she pressed the button for Deck 2.

It was irrational, she knew that. But now, with this…with maybe having contact. With people…surviving. There was hope again.

Maybe Shepard was

She hadn't been to their cabin, slept in their bed – she winced at the thought. It had been theirs.

She stood in front of the fish tank, her hands were on her hips and her bags on the floor. She walked purposefully to the end table that had until recently been the resting place for the commander's dog tags retrieved by Liara. They now stood proudly on his work desk, a memento to both his dedication as well as Liara's friendship.

"Yes, that will do nicely." Tali nodded her head approvingly. She reached into one of her bags and fiddled around inside. "Where did I…?"

After a few seconds, her nimble fingers found purchase. Grasping it gently yet firmly, she pulled the frame from her bag and paused as she gazed at the photograph in silent wonder. It was, of course, a photo of herself that she had taken while on Rannoch. She had chanced the removal of her mask for it, and looking at it now with fondness, she did not regret the fever that she battled for the days following.

She also, just maybe, had started to believe that Shepard was not just being kind when he told her that she was beautiful. His soft words often slipped off of her like the rain that she never felt, but here, in this moment, maybe she saw why he said those wonderful things to her. A soft smile touched her lips.

"You know I only have eyes for you, Shepard…"

She delicately placed it on the end table and took a step back with her hands on her hips, assessing. Shaking her head disapprovingly, she stepped purposefully and grabbed the photograph again. Adjusting it slightly to her left, she took another step back to assess. Again, she shook her head and –

"Tali, is everything ok?"

The quarian jumped in surprise. She clearly had not heard him come in. Turning around quickly, sheepishly, she faced the ever-sneaky Shepard. She wondered if Kasumi would have approved of his behavior.

Seeing him there, she giggled happily with a touch of embarrassment. She balled her hands into little fists to contain the nervous shot of energy that had also been released. Shepard gently placed an open hand around each of hers and brought them together so that her hands were cupped gently by his.

"Keelah, Shepard! How are you so quiet?"

He chuckled but said nothing. Smiling lovingly at her, he gripped her hands separately again, and brought them gently to his chest. He never took his eyes off of the softly glowing orbs the signified her own. Leaving her hands there, he wrapped her in his arms and cradled the back of her head with his right hand.

"Mmmm…" she cooed contentedly as he lovingly stroked his fingers down the back of her head. She loved that at least she could feel this through the damned suit.

Tali shook her head to clear the memory from her vision. The doors to the lift opened, revealing the CIC, and Tali stepped onto the deck, making an abrupt turn as she made her way to the War Room.