It may not have gotten off to the best of starts, but man, she was something else.
She was figuring it all out as she went. And she was a quick learner in that regard. Now that I've told that story, I'd forgotten just how far she'd come in such a short amount of time.
"Interesting, Shepard."
A flashing of a green bar in the bottom right corner. It flashed again and became a yellow bar. It was significantly shorter now.
What's that?
Another puff on the cigarette. "That is a general indicator of your body's state versus your chances of repairs being successful before you do actually die."
I take it yellow is bad?
"Well, it's certainly not good."
…
Can I override the lockdown on my body? Return to full consciousness?
…
"I would not recommend it, Shepard. Based on the assessment of the damage that you've sustained, to bring you back to full consciousness would probably cause you to die from shock."
Hmmm. That takes me back.
"Oh? Back to what?"
A mission we had one time. There were Geth involved. We were sent to investigate a distress call from a Cerb…a research base.
"Oh?"
Let's just call it a near death experience. One of the few times that I got sloppy on the battlefield. I wouldn't have made it out of there if…
"Bosh'tet, why are you laughing?" Tali'zorah vas Normandy was flabbergasted as a steady haze of fire from the pulse rifles whizzed over her head. She could almost smell the acrid scent of heated air as they streaked past.
"I mean, really, Shepard." She paused as she chanced a moment to peek over the conveniently-situated boulder, pistol gripped firmly in her right hand.
One, two, three…and I'm just going to stop there.
From another boulder a few meters away: "How many, Tali?"
"Keelah, Shepard. There are a lot of them. Maybe twelve?"
A pause. "What type?"
"They looked like regular-"
A missile whizzed by her head. Instinctively, she crouched a little lower as the impact dislodged more rubble from the cliff face than she would have liked. Tali shook her head grimly.
"Geth troopers, and definitely a Prime."
It was Garrus' turn to laugh now from Shepard's right. "Hey Shepard, are we sure this wasn't a setup? I mean, just how bad is Cerberus intel?" From his position to Shepard's right, the turian, until recently known as Archangel, felt a beat in the rhythm of the gunfight and stood up. He fired off two quick rounds and dropped two Geth soldiers, taking cover before their comrades (such as they were) returned with their own volley. Mockingly, he continued, "'Just a walk in the park. Get in, kill a few Geth, save the researchers. We do this kind of thing all the time.' Really, Shepard." Garrus chuckled, relatively good-naturedly but he was clearly genuinely displeased.
Shepard laughed despite their predicament. "You know, Vakarian, you aren't nearly as funny as you think you are."
"Ha! Shepard, your laughter says otherwise."
Keelah, these two.
"Boys! Can we maybe focus on, I don't know, maybe destroying these bosh'tets and getting the hell off this fucking rock?"
The other two paused and looked at her.
Garrus spoke first, with a substantial amount of mirth. "Shepard, I know you two hang out a lot, but when did you start teaching her such language?"
"Fuck off, Garrus." Shepard and Tali had replied in unison, eliciting hearty laughter from all three of them.
However, the situation was, as Tali had rightly implied, dire.
Upon their approach on foot to the facility, a dampening field had been raised, effectively cutting them off from the Normandy. And then the shooting had started.
And now this.
The whole thing had all of the underpinnings of a trap. Overwhelming enemy forces? Check. Dampening field in place to deny them an escape? Check. The possibility of finding innocents inside the facility to ensure that Shepard and his team continued to fight?
Check. Fuck me, this was a good plan. But I can't leave the researchers behind, not if there's the possibility that they're alive. And I can't be certain until…
Shepard shook his head, and looked over at Tali, a grim smirk on his face. He could tell by the way she shook her head on occasion and fidgeted that she was more nervous than usual. He had let her down. Inwardly, he was furious with himself.
This is exactly what happens when you get comfortable and overly confident, Shepard. You get careless and you get sloppy. You should have seen this coming. Because of that, you've put your friends – especially Tali – in real danger. They're capable, but they look to you for leadership, and they trust you to get everyone through. This is not the way to get anyone through this.
And Tali has already been through so much. Why risk her?
Because I trust her implicitly. The answer to his own question came as something of a surprise to him. Of course, they were close, but he was close with Garrus too.
So what's different?
He quickly and decisively ended his inner monologue. There would be time enough for that; now he had to focus.
Surveying the field, Shepard took stock. Tali was right – there were at least a dozen Geth securing the entrance to the research center, all backed up by the fucking Prime spraying heavy fire.
"Tali, can you overload their shields?"
She shook her head in annoyance. "Shepard, I've tried that," she said with more than hint of annoyance. He should've known that would've been the first thing she thought of. "They must have upgraded their software…or whatever. Their protocols are changing much faster than they ever had. I can't keep up!"
Fuck. There goes that idea. And of course she would have tried that first.
They needed to regroup and formulate a plan. Looking to his left, past Tali'zorah, he spotted a low boulder, but it looked to be able to provide a bit of useful cover. If he could just –
"Guys, I have an idea. Tali, I want you to switch places with me. I'm going to draw their fire away from you and Garrus. Hopefully I can draw the attention of that Prime and-"
Almost in unison they responded: "Shepard that's suicide!"
"Nonsense. I can supplement my shields with biotics, and I can grab their attention. Tali, if you can use your drone on the troopers to distract and at least drain their shields, I want Garrus to take out as many of the regulars as he can while they focus on me." He added after a pause. "Garrus, did you catch that?"
"Yeah Shepard, I did. I'll see what I can do."
"Now Tali, I know you said that overloading them wasn't an option, but if the drone can specifically attack them, it might afford us an opportunity. Especially since they're the weaker foes. What do you think?"
He watched her shake her head. "I might be able to…I think I have an idea. It looks like their shield frequencies are changing faster at higher frequencies. I'll adjust Chatika to focus on lower frequencies – it might give us an opening, but it won't be much."
"Excellent work, Tali. I'll take any edge you can give us."
Garrus chimed in. "That's all well and good, but what about that Prime, Shepard?"
"We'll deal with the Prime last. Luckily, they seem to be focused on defending their positions without directly engaging us. Let's hope that pattern holds."
They should be on us like varren. I wonder why they're not engaging us…
He paused for a moment as the expected flow of the battle played out in his head, like a slow-motion film he watched it unfold. It looked sound; well, as sound as a plan under these circumstances could be. "Tali, you ready?"
"Yes, just tell me when. And try not to get yourself killed, ok?"
In that last request, there was a hint of more than just the regular banter between soldiers.
Keelah, Shepard. Please don't get yourself hurt.
Switching to his submachine gun, he waited until the inevitable break in fire.
Deep inhalation. Hold it. Exhale. Again. And…
"Tali, go!"
Their dance began. But it was a dance that Shepard was extremely good at. Tali first sent Chatika across the battlefield. Then, staying low to the ground, she took three steps and dove behind the rock that had been protecting Shepard. He made sure to stay between her and the incoming fire; his shields had held and Tali was unhurt.
With their attention momentarily drawn, Garrus had dropped two more troopers.
Tali recalled her drone, preparing for the next phase of attack.
"Two more down, Shepard." The turian paused to reload. "Nice moves, by the way. Now I see how you dance so well."
All three chuckled. "Fuck you, Garrus. Besides, I know jealousy when I hear it."
More fire rained down, and a laser pulse from the Prime whizzed by overhead.
"Jealous of what? I've seen rabid pyjaks with more grace than you, Shepard!"
Tali giggled. "I mean, he's not wrong, Shepard."
"Great. You too?" He shook his head laughing.
"Yes, 'me too'. I remember when we went to Flux that one time."
Garrus piped up. "Flux? Why Shepard, I don't remember hearing about this bit of debauchery. Tali, you'll fill me in?"
She laughed despite herself. "Of course! I'll meet you in the bar when we get back to the Normandy."
"Remind me to have Miranda cease requisitions of turian brandy for you two. At any rate, I don't actually have to impress you guys with dance moves here." His voice took on a more serious tone, punctuated by a sharp inhalation of breath. "All right, can you draw their attention for a sec?"
Giving their affirmatives, Shepard exhaled sharply and inhaled again.
"Ok, now!"
Immediately, the retorts from Tali's pistol and Garrus' rifle were heard, momentarily drawing the fire of most of the front-line troopers, giving Shepard a window to run in a low crouch to a slightly smaller boulder about 6 meters away. His shields lit up as they absorbed the few shots that struck him.
"Ah, shit. That one stung." The commander's shields had been nearly depleted.
"Shepard, are you okay?" The turian's gravelly voice contained genuine concern.
He took a moment to allow his shields to recharge but shook his head when his HUD indicated that the shield generator had taken some minor damage.
Fuck. I'll have to keep an eye on that. This should still work when I augment them with the biotics.
"Yeah, I'm good. Shields got a little low, but it shouldn't be a problem."
He took a few seconds to double check his ammo.
Still good. Ok, run this through again: I engage the Geth on this side of the field, drawing their fire. Focus on the Prime to ensure that this happens. Tali will release the drone to weaken the frontline troops, Garrus will mop up. With luck we can get their numbers to something manageable, then we can focus on the Prime.
"Ok, everyone: status?"
Tali chimed in first. "Ammo is good, Shepard. Shields are at maximum and Chatika is ready for deployment, but they're starting to rotate faster at the lower frequencies now. I think it'll be okay, but it won't be for much longer."
Garrus followed. "I'm a little low on rifle ammo, but I have enough to get the job done. Barring that, the assault rifle is in good shape." He paused. "Hey Shepard? Do you have any medigel?"
A sigh from the commander. "We haven't been able to resupply yet. We're down to one unit."
Tali's intake of breath was audible over the comms. Garrus just cleared his throat.
"So, what you're saying, Shepard," Garrus looked over at him from his position, "is that you should try not to get hurt."
Shepard shook his head. "That's the gist of it, but I'd prefer it if none of us get hurt."
"Hmmm. Ok, good. Got it." Garrus had given a very unconvinced acknowledgment.
"Ok, everyone. Let's do it."
Shepard began to glow in the customary pale shade of blue as he channeled his biotic barrier. He rose to his feet, turning as he did so. "Ok, Tali. Now!"
Hell broke loose. The Geth turned most of their attention to the N7 as he rose above cover and unleashed a rain of bullets, taking out a trooper on his own, but he had to use nearly an entire clip to do so. Tali let loose Chatika, making its way across the field toward a closely-grouped Geth trio. As it unleashed its electrical shocks that drained their shields, Garrus fired three quick shots. Two struck their targets perfectly, immediately felling them. The third struck true as well, but its shields had managed to adapt to the drone's attacks. That third shot only managed to hobble it. Now turning toward them, the Geth trooper returned its own fire, finding purchase in Garrus' shoulder after pummeling his shields. He cried out as he slumped to the ground.
Shepard heard Tali cry out for the turian, which confirmed to him what had happened. She immediately fired off three quick shots, taking out the third Geth in the group; its head exploding in a haze of sparks and smoke.
As for Shepard, his biotic shield held as he unleashed a rain of bullets, and he managed to take out two more of the troopers. The Prime fired off a rocket that whizzed just over Shepard's left shoulder. He ducked back down into cover as the biotic barrier failed. As he reloaded, he asked for an assessment.
"Shepard, Garrus is down." Her worry and concern were evident in her voice, and Shepard cursed himself – again – for a perceived lack of leadership on his part.
Overhead, the sound of fire continued.
"They just don't give up, do they?" The commander retrieved the medigel pack from its compartment in his armor. Looking over at Tali, he could feel the worry radiating off of her. As close as they were, he had learned to pick up most of how she was feeling through her body language.
"Tali, I'm going to toss the medigel pack to you. Can you get to Garrus?"
She paused to assess her situation. "I think so, Shepard. He's not far from where I am, and he's behind cover."
Garrus piped up, weakly. "Oh come on, guys. I'm not dead yet. Save it. For when Shepard does some stupid shit and one of us actually does get hurt."
Shepard chimed in. "Bullshit, Vakarian. I need your rifle."
"Oh Shepard. I'm touched by your concern." He chuckled weakly.
Turning to face Tali, he continued. "Tali, once you have the medigel, get to Garrus. I'll cover you." Grimly, he checked the status of the shield generator, its power was fluctuating wildly.
OK, biotics it is then. Be quick, be accurate.
He first turned to his left, back firmly against the low boulder to face the quarian. She nodded in acknowledgement. Quickly, he tossed the medigel to her. It landed in front of her and skidded to a halt next to her feet.
"Nice throw."
"Thanks. I used to play baseball when I was a kid. Guess I never lost it."
Tali cocked her head in confusion. "Base…what?"
Chuckling, the commander shook his head affably. "I'll tell you all about when this is over."
"You'd better."
"It's a date then, Miss vas Normandy."
Tali was, not for the first or last time, thankful for the mask that hid her blushing face.
Keelah Shepard. Stop it. Wait, did he say-
Their gaze held each other for a beat longer than it should have.
That might've crossed a line with her. But I can't really help it now. I'll have to apologize, I'm the commander and her…Captain. I need to exert better control than this.
Exhaling again, Shepard gave the order.
Again, he sprang to his feet as he emerged from behind the boulder, biotics glowing. Immediately, Shepard began to fire away, spraying the field with bullets. As expected, the Geth concentrated their fire on him.
Tali quickly shuffled to Garrus' position. Carefully, she inspected the injured shoulder. He turned his head to face her.
"Hey there. Thanks for stopping by," he said weakly. Turning to her, he chuckled at the irony.
Curious, Tali asked him what he was laughing at.
"I was the idiot that told Shepard to not get hurt," he nodded at the medigel she held in her hand, "and here I am…and here you are. With that."
She smiled, knowing that he'd known her long enough to be able to tell. "Well, that's why he's Commander Shepard," she emphasized his name for effect, "he knows things, Garrus." She got about the business of applying the salve to his mangled shoulder, watching as it alleviated the pain, disinfected the wound, and began the process of healing the area.
The turian breathed deeply and chuckled softly, already feeling an improvement. "I know things too, Tali."
Curious, she asked "Oh? And what things are those?"
"I know how much you love him."
There was silence in her head, her face got hotter than she could ever remember it being. She swallowed hard. She at first wanted to feign ignorance but decided instead that it was useless to do so.
"Is it…is it that obvious?"
Grabbing his rifle, he faced her again with whatever passed for a turian grin spread on his face. "For those of us smart enough to notice, like a certain turian of your acquaintance, the answer is 'yes'. So stop wasting time."
While their little powwow was taking place, on the other side of the battle, Shepard was not having a good time. His kinetic barrier was holding, but his shield emitter was completely fried. He'd managed to take out all but the Prime and one Geth trooper, but -
"I could use a little help here, guys. I'm almost out of ammo, and I'm getting real tired over here. I can't keep these biotics up forever!"
His squadmates jumped back into action. Tali unleashed the drone again while spraying fire in the direction of the smaller Geth construct. Tali had shifted the drone's frequency focus back to the higher frequency spectrum, hoping that it would catch them off guard. It had the desired effect. Once Chatika had drained its shields, Tali ended it with a few quick shots to its head.
The drone auto-targeted the Prime next and managed to hit it once before the Prime disabled it with a quick and powerful strike from its arm.
"Damn it. That's going to be a repair job," Tali muttered in frustration. To confirm to the team, she announced that the drone was inoperative.
As for Garrus, he had switched to the assault rifle upon realizing that he was out of ammo for the sniper rifle. He deftly loaded it with armor-piercing rounds.
"Shepard, I've got armor-piercing rounds loaded. If we can get its shields down…"
"Ok, Garrus. I get it. We don't have the luxury of wasting what little ammo we have left to try to drain its shields that way – not with the armor the fucker's packing as well."
The Prime continued to focus on Shepard, and every time he emerged from behind cover, his biotic barrier failed sooner than before. His head pounded ferociously from the overtaxed implant.
"Tali…do you have…anything to bypass that damn thing's shields?" He asked her breathlessly, with obvious fatigue.
"Bosh'tet. No Shepard, I scanned the Prime and I still can't overload them. This one's shields are even more complex than the others' were." She paused, checking her stock of thermal clips. She cursed again. "I'm almost out of ammo as it is!" Desperately, she searched her suit's pockets, maybe she missed something, maybe a grenade, anything…
Keelah, we're going to die on this stupid rock, aren't we?
Shepard looked over at Tali, sweat pouring heavily down his face and blood starting to trickle from his right nostril. His breathing was labored.
Fucking biotics. If I can…if I can just hit it and drain its shields…Garrus can…
Shepard had to squint his eyes shut to keep himself conscious. His body was overtaxed and pushed to the limit, even with the Cerberus upgrades. In his mind's eye, he saw the Prime's weapons rip through all three of them. He watched the Prime's laser cut through his armor and piercing his lungs, it turned and rips through Garrus, finally leveling its weapons on Tali and –
Rearming the biotic barrier, Shepard unleashed a primal, bestial yell and summoned what strength he had left in order to rise again. Tali had an idea that he was about to do something truly idiotic, yet quintessentially "Shepard".
"Please don't…" she whispered; knowing that he was going to anyway.
Tali and Garrus both watched in stunned silence – and then horror – as he jumped from behind the boulder, located the Prime, and unleashed a biotic warp that even Jack or Liara would have been proud of. It rushed forward at breakneck pace, striking the Prime and staggering it. Visible sparks began to fly from it as its shield emitters weakened significantly. They were low enough for their ammo to make a difference.
Seeing the opening, Shepard's squadmates unleashed a rain of fire upon it. Blast after blast left it staggered. Not having time or energy to turn against the new threats, it targeted Shepard and unleashed a final volley as one final salvo from Garrus exploded its head in a shower of sparks, fire, and metal.
"Yes! Shepard, that was incredible!" Garrus was genuinely impressed. "Commander, you never cease to amaze!"
"Keelah…Shepard, how did you…" Tali's voice trailed off as her eyes found him through the dust and haze, slumped against the boulder, his head hung low. There was blood running from his abdomen, it pooled on the dusty ground beside him.
Without a thought, she holstered her pistol and raced over to him. She gently cupped his head in her hands and rested it against the boulder. Blood was now draining from both nostrils, and his eyes had rolled up into his head, showing only their ghastly white.
"Oh no, Shepard. No, no, no…you are not doing this to me again." Tali quickly opened her omnitool and conducted a quick scan. She heard Garrus run over and crouch down to Shepard's right. What they saw was not encouraging.
"Tali, how is he?" Garrus watched her frantically tap buttons on her omnitool and shake her head in frustration. "Tali?"
She was almost muttering. "Bosh'tet! You didn't have to do that! We could've figured it out. But no you had to go play Mr. Hero again and save the day like you always do…"
After an interminable amount of time passed, the quarian exhaled loudly and sat down on the ground, defeated. Shepard's eyes began to roll back to where they should've been, and his breathing became regular. Instinctively, Tali grabbed his hand in both of hers.
She tried to speak but found no words.
Garrus placed a knowing hand on her shoulder without thinking and gave it a soft squeeze. He spoke instead.
"Shepard? Are you awake? Can you hear me?" He paused as the commander looked from Tali to Garrus and back again. His eyes darted back and forth. Confusion and fear were painted on his face. "C'mon, Shepard. Talk to us. I don't have time for this, I'm hungry and Kasumi promised that I would like something called 'lo mein'." He paused to acknowledge Tali's customary look of curiosity. "I don't know what it is, but she assures me that it's delicious and one of the restaurants on the Citadel serves a dextro-version. Honestly, it wouldn't matter if I liked it, but I sure would like to try."
Shepard coughed sharply, and immediately winced and reached for his injured side. He spoke between coughs and what might have good-natured laughter. "Jesus…okay, Garrus…I get it. I'm…okay…I think." Trying to get up, he braced himself against the boulder. Tali instinctively grabbed for his arm. Just as she reached it, Shepard grunted, his eyes wide. He promptly fell back down, squinting his eyes shut and breathing heavily as his backside hit the ground. His head felt like someone was trying to pull his brain through the back of his neck.
"Keelah, Shepard! Stay put, you're in no shape to move yet."
He exhaled sharply and looked at Tali in exasperation. "Yeah…that is clearly the case."
After Garrus helped her remove the commander's chest armor, she pulled a bandage from one of her suit's pockets and began to apply it to the wound in his side. His sharp inhalation was the only indication of pain from the pressure of her hands on him.
"It's not medigel, but it should at least slow the bleeding." Satisfied that it was going to adhere properly, she finally sat back.
Pausing to assess the situation, Shepard wanted a report. "Okay, how are you two?"
Garrus laughed loudly at the question. "Well, thanks to the medigel, I'm okay. But you look like shit."
Shepard chuckled weakly. "Is that your professional opinion, doctor?"
"No, but it's an honest one."
Tali had returned to her omnitool, tapping buttons frantically. She sighed loudly, clearly frustrated.
"Tali? Are you okay?"
Without looking up, she answered the commander. "Yes, I'm ok. Frayed nerves…" She trailed off, still tapping away at her omnitool.
Both Garrus and Shepard were looking expectantly at her now, and somewhat in awe at the speed at which her deft fingers were moving.
Shepard asked the obvious question with genuine concern. "Tali, what's wrong?" He looked at himself. "I mean, aside from the obvious?" He added wryly.
She sighed again. "We have a problem. The dampening field is still in place. I can't break the encryption; it's changing too fast. It's like their shields were. How did they manage that? I've never seen it like this before. Did they upgrade? If so, how…?" She trailed off again, clearly frustrated that she wasn't able to break the encryption.
Shepard tried to calm her. "Tali, it's ok -"
She started to protest. "No, Shepard. This is not okay. I have one function: be the tech expert. When I can't do that, what good-"
"Tali! Stop it. That is an order. Clearly, they've done something significant if even you can't break through. So, just tell me what the problem is."
Tali let out a heavy sigh, trying to calm herself. She was furious that she was letting them all down.
"The damping field hadn't been erected by any of the bosh'tets out here, because it's still in place. It…must be coming from inside the facility."
The three of them exchanged looks. Shepard didn't like the implications of that bit of information at all. Garrus spoke first.
"Ok. I'll get in there and scout the facility, make sure that it's reasonably secure and then we can go from there."
"How's your ammo looking?" Shepard asked, remembering the useless sniper rifle. "And your shoulder?"
"I should be good, Shepard. I'll need to see Chakwas once we get back to the Normandy, but it shouldn't be a problem in the short-term. As for ammo? Nothing for the sniper rifle, but I doubt I'll be using it anyway," he checked the ammo on the assault rifle, "close quarters and all that."
Shepard watched him with quiet fascination. He knew that Garrus could've been a gifted leader, someone to take charge of a situation when need be. In their hunt for Saren, there had been little evidence of this man. The one that Shepard had met was one whose only focus was that of a sharp instrument, like a krogan, but with added precision. "Point and shoot" was the phrase that Shepard had characterized him with. The current iteration of his turian friend was one who had added a measure of cognition and assertiveness to his arsenal now. He clearly was ready to make decisions on his own. In short, he had become a leader.
Clearly, Omega changed you, Garrus. And not all of it was bad.
"Okay, that's a good place to start. Let me just…" Shepard grunted as he again tried to get to his feet. Immediately, his vision swam and nearly went black. His head screamed at him in demonic rage, lashing out at him and sapping his strength. His legs gave out as the nausea kicked in. He buckled sharply at the waist, unconsciously grabbing at the wound on his side.
"Keelah, Shepard!" Tali cried out in exasperation as she and Garrus reached out to catch him. He still fell to one knee, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. He grunted as he struck the hard and dusty surface.
"Well," Shepard began quietly as he slumped back against the boulder, "I guess I'm not going far."
Garrus gave a small smile. "Don't sweat it, Shepard. I'll check it out. Stay put and let Tali keep an eye on you before you do something truly stupid."
Garrus was on his way into the facility, while Shepard and Tali'zorah vas Normandy stayed outside among the rocks that had shielded them from the Geth. Shepard was breathing slowly and deeply, concentrating on watching Tali, who was trying to repair her drone. She had pulled a few tools from more pockets that he didn't know existed, her deft hands moving swiftly. The only interruption was when she would pause to scan Shepard with her omnitool and to ask how he was feeling. Garrus occasionally chimed in with a status update.
His head was pounding, and it hurt to use his eyes.
Jesus Christ, John. You really did it this time. How much brain damage did you suffer? How pissed off is Chakwas doing to be? Cerberus may have augmented you, but…for fuck's sake. And on top of that, you scared the shit out of Tali.
"Shepard?" Tali's voice was softer now than it had been. "Shep…John. How are you feeling?"
He winced a little as he opened his eyes to look at her.
At least it's Tali I get to be with like this. I don't mind it as much. No pretenses. And she used my first name. When did she start doing that?
"Tali…I'm tired. And my head hurts…so much. The rest of me," he gestured to the wound in his side, "is okay, all things considered."
The quarian placed her tools and the drone back into the pockets from whence they had come. She sighed heavily, and quietly sat down next to him, their shoulders resting against each other.
She spoke to him gently. "Keelah, Shepard. I'm sorry." She silenced him when he began to protest. "I was angry with you…just now…well, since Garrus left, really. I don't even know why. Well, that's not true. I know why, but…it's just so frustrating. Every time I look at you, and see you like this, all I see is our failure to back you up." She waited for him to protest again. When he remained silent, she continued. "And…I know that you won't agree with it, but that's what I see. Your bravery is my…" quickly she caught herself. "our failure. The way I see it, every absurdly heroic thing that you have to do is just the result of a series of our mistakes that you've had to compensate for."
Turn your head and face her. That one hurt.
"Tali, that is…nonsense. This team…you and Garrus…you…are exceptional." He emphasized his reference to the quarian. "I mean, your Geth kill count is astronomical. You need to stop being so hard on yourself. Besides, I'm pretty sure the only reason we're having this conversation is because you did what you always do. You evened the odds." Shepard attempted to shrug. "Sometimes…these things happen. A stray bullet hit my shield generator. It was a one in a million shot. I had to arm the barrier more than I would've liked. We were grossly outnumbered and outgunned. Our intel was shit. They even had modifications that you couldn't get completely around, which tells me that they had to have been significant upgrades."
Tali wasn't sure that she believed that, but if there was one thing that Shepard wouldn't do, it was lie to protect feelings.
"There's a human expression that you'll probably take a liking to that sums it up well: 'Shit happens'. Sometimes you can't avoid it." He said it matter-of-factly, leaving no room for argument. He'd seen enough, and lost enough, to know that this was true.
He added after a moment of thought. "Although, I will be having an…'animated' conversation with the Illusive Man when we get back."
Tali shook her head. Despite her mask, he could almost see her smile.
"'Animated', huh? Please make sure I'm in the briefing room for that one."
"Anything for you, Tali" he said easily, without thinking.
Tali's breath caught in her throat, surprised by not only what he had said, but how he had said it.
The commander closed his eyes. Even talking had reengaged the monstrous headache that he thought had gone away. His mind wandered.
You're too hard on yourself, Tali.
If only you could see it. You're much stronger than you think you are.
"Shepard? John? Are you okay?" There was definite concern in her voice. "Hey, stay with me now."
Shepard fought to stay conscious.
Please. Not again. Not yet.
Not ever.
His head shot up to look at her, to where he had heard her voice. Her head cocked in the customary way that signified relief. He watched her as she knelt before him, pulling out a small cloth from one of the numerous pockets and compartments in her suit. Slowly and hesitantly, she reached forward to his face with her left hand. Touching his right cheek, she cradled the weight of his head, allowing him to rest it there. Memorizing its roughness, she began to gently wipe away the blood (dried mixed with fresh, she noticed) that had oozed from his nostrils with her other hand. She gently rubbed her thumb against his cheek, trying desperately to give him some comfort in his obvious pain.
Keelah Shepard. I wish I could…say so much to you. Do so much for you.
She shook her head.
But I wouldn't…because you deserve more…than me.
Shepard groaned softly, as he pressed his face against her hand. His mind drifted away from her here…
They are sharing a late-night meal in the mess hall. It's the original Normandy.
"Well, Tali. It's been a pleasure having you aboard. You should at least have some interesting stories for the fleet when you get home. And that Geth data should make for one hell of a pilgrimage gift." He smiles warmly at her, but there is a sadness in his eyes. "Any captain would be thrilled to have you aboard. I know I was."
As he says this, she looks down at her lap, and he notices the fidgeting in her hands. Clearly there is something on her mind.
"Is everything all right?" He asks her gently, with real concern.
She hesitates. "Yes…it's just…well, no. I guess I'm not all right, Shepard."
He cocks an eyebrow. "What is it? Is there anything I can do to help?"
"It's not…that simple." She turns away from him. Patiently, he waits for her to figure out what she wants to say, and how she wants to say it. She has turned back now and faces him, the soft glow of her eyes piercing back at his own. "It's just…this was the first time that I felt like more than just some…some…lost girl on a stupid pilgrimage." She nearly spat out the last words. She pauses then. He says nothing and allows her to continue. "Shepard, here…I mattered. Keelah, I made an actual difference. I wasn't just some tagalong, some…thing to be tolerated, or worse…pitied."
She says the last word with more than a tinge of melancholy. She is looking at her lap again. Almost whispering, she continued. "Here, you…treated me like an equal. You showed me that I have more worth than I ever thought possible. Keelah, I destroyed more Geth with you than all of my people had in the last ten years. I…we made a difference. And…you were my friend. You made me feel welcome."
She paused. "And I can never thank you enough for that. I can't ever repay you for that."
She turns her head to face him, and Shepard responds first.
"Tali, you don't ever have to repay anyone, least of all me, for anything. You were more than a valued crewmember. You helped keep me sane here, during some…rough times. Especially after Virmire…I couldn't talk about that to anyone here. But I could talk about it to you, and you didn't judge me…you just listened." He paused, unsure how to proceed. "Tali, you are my friend, and I…you were one to me when I needed a friend the most. And that is a debt that I can never repay. And I would be lying if I said that I wouldn't miss you when you go home."
His hand moves toward hers, hesitantly. Just to touch her –
The screaming whines in his ears, it swiftly becomes unbearable. Before him, flames engulf everything: the walls, the table, his own hands, and then-
"Tali! No, no no! Please God, not her!" His pulse runs and pounds deafeningly in his ears, the screams and cries of agony, despair and hopelessness overwhelm him. He reaches for her, but no matter how hard he tries, she is always just out of reach. He watches as her suit begins to burn, the flames shooting up her body – Christ, he can smell Tali's flesh, and she screams for him; it is a bloodcurdling sound.
Sobbing uncontrollably, he feels his body jerk as it is lifted from his chair, sucked through space like juice through a straw.
Silence. He is outside the ship. Outside the Normandy. Pieces of the ruined ship are floating all around him. Bodies and metal. Fire and ice.
Hissing in his ears. Burning skin. A desperate search to close the breach in his suit.
No no no. I can't.
Not yet.
Tali, I'm so sorry.
Please know that I –
Shaking filled his vision, it was so bright here. Was he dead? Again?
He opened his eyes wide, and he saw Tali's face – well, her mask anyway. Clearly, she was saying something to him, but the world was muffled, like hearing voices underwater.
" -amn it, Shepard! Snap …of it! …lah, please stop shaking!"
Wait! I'm not dead…Geth…hurt …Garrus… Tali'zorah
When Shepard could finally talk, he tasted blood.
"Tali…I'm okay…" he coughed loudly, rolling onto his side. Blood flew out of his mouth in a large chunk.
"Shepard, you are definitely not okay. Here…" She reached around to his right, the quarian was much stronger than her lithe frame gave her credit for. Gently, she pulled him back up. Her tears were hot on her cheeks.
"Keelah, John. You were having the worst nightmare I've ever seen! You…you went unconscious, I assumed you fell asleep. I monitored your vitals and they were fine, all things considered. Like you were just…asleep. And then you started talking to…" she trailed off, apparently not sure how much she should divulge. "Talking to someone, and then you…you…whimpered, John." Her voice held so much sorrow. She paused, almost in wonder at the realization of it. "And…then you…you screamed. You screamed…for…me." She stated this with a clear sense of awe and wonder. Another protracted pause. As for John, he could say nothing. He was barely thinking. He could do nothing. His pulse pounded loudly in his ears.
Tali continued. "And then you started shaking…convulsing. And you…were whimpering. Keelah, John. I'm so sorry."
She dropped what hesitation she might have had, and simply embraced him. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, and not knowing what else to do, he allowed her to just…hold him. And he cried. It had felt so real, watching her burn alive and feeling himself die. Again.
Tali tried to soothe him by gently rubbing the back of his head, wishing desperately that she didn't have this damn mask between them.
I don't know what to say…or do. Why would he call my name? I know we're friends…close ones, but…why are you even thinking these thoughts, Tali'zorah? Your best friend is clearly…broken. He's in need of serious medical attention, clearly has some demons that he hasn't brought up to even you – but can you blame him? – so stop this, and just…help him. Hopefully Garrus has some good news soon, because this is getting dire.
After a long while, she gently pushed him back to lean against the rock again and watched him close his eyes hard. When he opened them again, they held a fresh resolve.
"It was just a…dream, Tali. Okay, more like a whole nightmare, but it was just that." He exhaled slowly, attempting to bring his heart rate to something that wouldn't give her a panic attack. Once he calmed down, Shepard collected his thoughts.
You know what you have to do.
"Tali, I need to tell you something." He took a deep breath. "You may have already figured this out, but I need to say it-"
"Shepard? Tali? This is Garrus. I think I found the source of the dampening field. I encountered no resistance – I repeat – NO resistance." He paused. "Also, no researchers. No anything."
The interruption choked off whatever Shepard was about to tell her. Reluctantly but not surprisingly, he found himself to be…relieved.
Tali answered him. "Copy that Garrus. So, this whole thing was a setup? Just what are the Geth up to?" There was silence as the words sunk in. "You said you found the source; can you deactivate it?"
A pause. Shepard stared in the direction of his boots, without actually looking at anything.
"Affirmative. Give me a couple of minutes…"
During the exchange, her gaze never left Shepard. She watched him, concerned now more than ever. He just sat there, staring at…nothing. What had he tried to say?
Miss vas Normandy, I think you know exactly what he was about to say. The high and mighty voice that only made itself apparent to chastise her had spoken. He was going to tell you what you've wanted to hear from him for so long.
And now it may have been too late.
An inner voice that sounded much more like herself protested this assertion.
Even if he did, so what? Look at him! He's clearly in distress and…and…he probably wouldn't even be aware of what he was saying anyway.
She grabbed his hand anyway, cupping it between hers. "Shepard, I need you to look at me. Please show me that you can hear me. Just…anything." She watched him blink a few times, but nothing more. She pressed on more forcefully. "John, listen to me, you bosh'tet, you are not going to die today. You already pulled that stunt, and quite frankly, we're all sick of it. Garrus is sick of it, Joker is sick of it, and I am most certainly sick of this…" Tali searched her mind for the human word that Ashley had taught her while on the SR-1. "I am most certainly sick of this bullshit." That was it, that was the one. "So, you pull your head back here," she forcefully pulled his hands to her chest before continuing, "because we need you here. I need you to come back to me." She paused, surprised at the combination of her own forcefulness as well as her emotion – and her ability, for once, to control it. What she had found in that moment was instead a steely resolve.
Shepard's face contorted, he took a sharp inhalation, and turned as he faced her. What she saw both heartened and dismayed her. In his eyes, she saw the ever-present resolve that defined so much of his character – his utter unwillingness to be defeated, and the inability to believe that he could be. His face, however, painted a grimmer picture. She watched as he tried to make some kind of facial expression to her – maybe a smile? – but the muscles refused to cooperate. A thought occurred to her.
What did Chakwas say that this was a sign of? I think Kaiden mentioned it before, it was a danger if the implants were overtaxed…
Talil's eyes grew wide with realization, and she immediately activated her comms.
"Garrus! Garrus, come in! You'd better hurry up!" Her voice was soaked in concern.
"Tali, Garrus here. I'm almost done. What's going on?"
"I think Shepard's having a…keelah, what was the word? Stroke! I think he's having a stroke! I remember Kaiden said that this could happen with the biotic implants! You need to hurry up!"
Garrus cursed, and after a few seconds, their comms exploded with the frantic voice of Joker.
"- going on down there? Commander? Tali? Garrus? I repeat, we are detecting a Geth dropship inbound to your position! Where the hell are you guys?"
Tali responded first. "Joker! Shepard's hurt, it's an emergency! We need extraction. You said there are Geth incoming?"
"Tali? Affirmative. EDI has confirmed the dropship. What the hell happened down there?"
Garrus interrupted. "We'll explain when we get back. So, how about that pickup?"
It was Miranda that spoke next. "Team, I'll pilot the shuttle myself. We are out of time. Can you make it to these coordinates?"
All three of their omnitools pinged as Miranda sent coordinates.
Through the entire exchange, Tali had moved closer to Shepard and was stroking his hand, trying to comfort him. She wasn't even sure if he knew that she was there. As she held his hand, her long, delicate fingers tried to impart onto him what strength that she had.
Keelah, please stay with me. We're so close to getting out of this. I need you to get out of this. Please.
She checked the coordinates that Miranda had sent, it was just under 300 yards from their position.
Garrus spoke to her next. "Tali, see if you can get Shepard on his feet. I'm almost out of the facility and will be there shortly."
It was at this moment that Tali realized just how hard her heart was beating. She had no idea how she could get Shepard onto his feet, but she was damn certain that she would try.
She bent down and swung his left arm over her shoulders. Before getting her balance correct to lift him, she grabbed his hand with hers, again she squeezed it firmly.
"Okay, John. If you have any strength left, if your brain can somehow tell your muscles to work, I would really appreciate it…" she gave him a quick glance, "because I would very much like to hear what you had to say."
She grunted as she used her powerful legs to lift the commander off the ground and on to his feet. He was unsteady and his balance was almost nonexistent. Tali took an uncertain step forward, testing her own balance while shouldering his weight. It was slow going, as she was going to have to almost drag him forward.
As for Shepard, his body was simply not doing what he was screaming at it to do. He knew that he'd seriously fucked up. That last volley against that Prime clearly had been too much.
Spilt milk, Shepard.
And now he was practically being dragged to safety, by the "plucky quarian" half his size who refused to give up on him.
Fucking hell, Shepard. You are not going to let Tali do this by herself. You…are…going…to…fucking move!
With a herculean effort, he gritted his teeth and forced his feet to move; forced his legs to push forward. He couldn't run, but Tali must have noticed his effort. She looked at him and he was able to notice that the bright orbs of her eyes were significantly wider than usual. She called out to him.
"That's right, you bosh'tet! You can do it. You can do this!"
Together, they moved in lockstep. Tali tried to increase his pace – she couldn't help it, damn Geth – but she would always slow back down to match Shepard's. It was in the midst of this cadence-setting dance that Garrus returned.
Chuckling lightly, he announced his return. "Ah, I see the commander has put you to work, Tali. Lazy bastard."
In between heavy breaths, Tali let out a laugh of her own. "You're telling me, and he's a heavy fucker, too."
Amid their banter, Garrus slipped Shepard's right arm over his shoulder, easing the burden on his quarian friend. At this point, Shepard had given nearly everything he'd had left to even get this far and had become essentially dead weight.
Miranda's voice came over the comms, asking them to please "hurry the fuck up." Looking to her left, Tali could see why: the dropship was almost on them.
"OK, Tali, stop," Garrus ordered. The pace was now jagged and disorganized, as Tali wanted to keep going. More forcefully, he ordered her again to stop.
"Garrus, we can't! We have to-"
"I know! Which is why I need you to let him go and run – I mean run – to the shuttle. I'll get him there. But I'll need you there to help him in, okay?"
She sighed but understood. Releasing Shepard's arm, she squeezed his hand one more time. She took the time to watch Garrus lift the commander onto his back – in what humans would've described as a "fireman's carry" – before she began to sprint to the awaiting shuttle. Garrus then started to run in his own right.
They reached the shuttle, Tali scrambling in and immediately helping to pull the commander inside. Garrus leapt in immediately after.
The shuttle took off, with the screams of Geth cannon fire ringing in their ears.
Almost a week later, Tali was seated in the Normandy's medbay, curled up in a ball hugging her knees to her chest. The only evidence that she was asleep was the lack of bright orbs visible through her faceplate. They had docked at Illium three days ago, under Miranda's orders. As XO, she had taken command in Shepard's absence, and ordered a few days of shore leave while the commander recovered.
Doctors Chakwas and Solus had indeed confirmed Tali's suspicions regarding the commander, well almost. It hadn't quite been a stroke, but there had definitely been bleeding, and Shepard's motor functions had clearly been impaired. They had stabilized him, while Chakwas had restabilized the implant and Solus had applied stimulants to repair the (thankfully) minimal damage that had been done to his brain. The doctors on Illium had helped to confirm diagnosis and treatment, as well as provided the use of the facilities located there. The one constant had been Tali. She had watched the doctors, nurses, and testing equipment come and go, but she retained her vigil.
Garrus was nearly as ever-present but seemed to have understood that Tali preferred to be alone with the commander. He offered her the space that she didn't ask to have, but he knew that she needed. She had always thanked him for checking in, and she was glad to have a friend such as him.
Tali was woken up by a gentle hand on her shoulder. Her eyelids fluttering, she recognized the smiling face of Dr. Chakwas looking at her.
Stretching, she asked if everything was all right.
"Yes, Tali. He's okay. I just wanted you to keep an eye on the commander while I ran to pick up some supplies."
She started to protest. "But what if something-"
The doctor smiled at her in reassurance. "He's much improved, and besides, Mordin is in his lab if something should happen – which I doubt very much." Sensing the quarian's uncertainty, she placed her hands on Tali's shoulders. "Tali, he is going to be fine. I wouldn't leave you with him if I thought otherwise, ok?"
That made her feel better.
"Okay, doctor. If you're sure."
"Of course I'm sure, dear. Now I won't be long. Maybe an hour or so."
And with that, Chakwas left, leaving Tali to sit in silence for a moment. She sat there, subconsciously wringing her hands, wondering if this might be
The right time? He's not even conscious. But this is something that I need to say to him. Maybe it'll be a practice run?
Sighing heavily, she walked from the chair and seated herself on the edge of his bed. The steady rhythm of his breathing and the monitors at his bedside were the only sounds to be heard. She cupped his right hand in both of hers, shaky as they were, and began to pour out her soul.
"Keelah…Shepard. There's something that I need to say to you…and it's so unfair that I'm doing this while you're unconscious, but I don't have the…strength to say it to you when you might…reject it." She took a deep breath, aware that her face was incredibly hot. "The truth is…that I…love you, Shepard. And not in the 'you're my best friend' kind of way, although you are my best friend. Ever since the mission against Saren. I mean, how could I not?" She chuckled softly. "A dashing commander invites a young quarian girl to join his crew, they go on a mission to save the galaxy, and we do just that. How could she not develop feelings for him?" Smiling at the memory, she paused, deciding how next to proceed. She gave a quick glance around the medbay to make sure that they were still alone. "And it didn't help that you're so kind to me, and just so good. That's it, Shepard: you are a good man, in the purest sense of the word. You gave me hope in a galaxy – and to a young woman – that sorely needed it. Keelah, Shepard, you listened to me drone on about life aboard the flotilla, the kinds of food I had to eat, my favorite vids. And when you opened up to me about the struggles you faced, I felt sad that you had all of this bottled up inside you, that you had to go through all of that alone. But then I felt…honored that you thought enough of me to share those feelings with me – the simple quarian girl. And…and I thought 'Why not Ashley? Why not Liara?'
"And then you died." She had to stop here to control the way her throat constricted, because she was ready to cry. Even after all the time that had passed, it still was an open wound for her. She squeezed his hand a little bit tighter. "Shepard, those two years when I lost you…I lost me as well. I was…what is it you say…'going through the motions?' Well, that was me for two years. I went through the motions. I…couldn't move on. I watched you die in cold space, and it crushed me. It felt like I died then, too; or at least a large part of me died. The best part, I think. And poor Garrus…he tried to keep my spirits up. But even he had to move on though. So I was left with only my thoughts and the expectation placed on an 'admiral's daughter' by the fleet. It was…crushing…killing me, John."
She paused again as she remembered the cold days of her life on board the Neema. The repetition, the despair, the detachment. Taking another deep breath, she continued.
"And then, by some miracle, I found you again, on Freedom's Progress. And I…I…I can't describe to you how I felt. It was you, really you, but I couldn't wash away the last two years. How could I? Did I really still feel about you the way that I had? Was it all actually just a girl's crush on her captain? Did you feel the same way that you did – whether it was how you actually felt or how I imagined you'd felt – about me? Were you even the same man? And then Haestrom. Keelah, Shepard, all you do is save me. I mean, you do more than just that, but…damn it you know what I mean."
Tali shook her head derisively.
"Glad that this is a practice run, since I still get tongue-tied with you." She let out another soft giggle at the thought of being "tongue-tied" with Shepard.
She paused to focus on what she was actually trying to say. After taking a steadying breath, she continued.
"Shepard, all you do is amazing thing after amazing thing. The most amazing thing about you though? You made me believe that I was capable of amazing things too."
There was a long pause. She took one of her hands and gently touched his cheek. She was quietly amazed that the scars left by all of the implants that had marred his appearance had nearly disappeared.
"And what can I say about my father…and that damn trial? You were everything for me. My protector, my advocate, my…I don't have a word for it. But you were whatever I needed then. You did things I never thought anyone could do for someone else. And you did it without hesitation, without fear, and without an expectation. You took on a ship full of Geth, the entire quarian admiralty board with no prep time, and you won. And on top of that, you heard me plead to keep my father's honor, and even though you didn't have to, you did…and I…
"Shepard, you are always there for me. Honestly, I can't see why."
She paused again, trying to gather what else she had left to say.
"That was not only a very long way of saying 'thank you', but also that…I love you, Captain John Shepard. My captain. I love you so much that I feel lesser when you're not near me. And when you are? I feel like I might explode with the raw…emotion…the raw love that I feel for you. It hurts me to not be near you. It's why I felt like I let you down against the Geth, because I wanted to give to you at least a little bit, just this once, of what you give to me.
"I just…I just needed to say all of that to you, because after that mission, I realized that I might miss the next chance. And I couldn't live with myself if I let it pass me by. Not again. And…even if you can't actually hear any of this, at least I'll know that when you can, I'll have the strength to do it."
She exhaled sharply and was about to get up to return to her seat when she realized something both gratifying and mortifying: Shepard had squeezed her hand, and held it tightly. In a flash, she realized that his eyes were open, and he was looking directly into hers.
Oh Ancestors…what am I going to…what if he…I can't…
Resisting the urge to pull away in panicked embarrassment and fear, she felt him pull gently on her hand. He brought her face within inches of his own, and in a raspy voice that was barely above a whisper he replied to her.
"That…was one hell of a speech, Miss vas Normandy." He chuckled lightly.
"Shepard," she whispered. She was terrified. "How much of that…did you hear?"
A half smile appeared on his face. "All of it."
He saw her eyes narrow in what he recognized as playful annoyance.
Seeing him smile gave her just enough solace to keep from panicking. "You could've told me and saved me the embarrassment."
"No, I couldn't have. One of us needed to say it." He sighed, his face full of regret. He grasped her delicate three-fingered hand in his before continuing. "Tali…I tried to tell you. I needed to tell you so many times…that I love you…but…"
He closed his eyes, and Tali feared that the moment had passed, or worse, that she'd have to get Mordin down here. When he opened them, he continued: "I…watched you for so long, Tali'zorah, but I was afraid that you wouldn't be able to see past…your 'captain'." He emphasized the last word, understanding the importance of one's "captain" to quarians, and the responsibility that it entailed.
She couldn't believe it.
Did he just say that? He loves me?
All of these feelings…weren't just in my mind?
She was trying desperately to keep her feelings under control.
He trailed off then, closing his eyes. She watched his chest rise and fall in rhythm.
Before falling back into a restful sleep, he managed one more request:
"Please…wait for me."
When he fell back asleep, Tali did not move, nor did she pull her hand away. Silently, tears of hope streamed down her face. It was a face that she was determined to be able to show to him.
"Of course I'll wait. Just don't take too long, you bosh'tet."
When Chakwas returned, she smiled at what she saw. Her chair had been moved to the side of the bed. They were both asleep, with Tali's head resting on his chest and her arm draped across the commander's torso, their hands clasped together.