"Well, that was a lovely song." Weiss said in a pleased tone, as everyone agreed.
Ch.23 Gun, Gun, Ghoul
In the Mojave wasteland late at night.
"Four thousand and two Pancakes on the table, Four thousand and two Pancakes on the table. Eat one up, gobble and smack. Four thousand and one. Pancakes on the table. Four thousand and one Pancakes on the table, four thousand and one Pancakes on the table. Eat one up, gobble and smack. Four thousand Pancakes on the table. Four thousand Pancakes on the table, Four thousand Pancakes on the table. Eat one up, gobble and smack. Three thousand and nine hundred and ninety, ninety. Pancakes on the table." Nora sang aloud as the five trudged up the hill.
The non-JNPR members look at the team who only nods to answer the unspoken question.
It's been hours since they had left Nellis air force base. At that time Nora had started at One million pancakes. As she continued into the night it started to drive Six mad because he couldn't tune her out with his own music. For some reason it was updating and left him without radio for another twenty-four hours. Boone somehow managed to tune it out and Ren was used to Nora's personality. But as they walked along the road it became apparent that they were lost. The Location that mother Pearl gave points to this location but so far it has yet shown to be found. As they continue up the mountain Nora's singing starts to become unbearable.
"Sounds about right." Jaune said quietly.
"Three thousand Pancakes and nine hundred and ninety, ninety on the table, three thousand and nine hundred and ninety, ninety Pancakes on the table. Eat one up, gobble and smack. Three thousand and nine hundred and ninety, eight. Pancakes on the table. Three thousand Pancakes and nine hundred and ninety, eight on the table, three thousand and nine hundred and ninety, eight Pancakes on the table. Eat one up, gobble and smack. Three thousand and nine hundred and ninety, seven. Pancakes on the table. Three thousand Pancakes and nine hundred and ninety, seven on the table, three thousand and nine hundred and ninety, seven Pancakes on the table. Eat one up, gobble and smack. Three thousand and nine hundred and ninety, six. Pancakes on the ta..."
"Loud interrupting and mad BEEP, BOOP, BEEP!" (FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING HOLY, PLEASE SHUT UP!) ED-E shouts interrupting ED-E.
Nora glared at her story enemy.
"Oh, do you want me to sing something different? I can change it to metallic computer pancakes if you want?" Nora offered without understanding what ED-E said.
"Loud BEEP, BOOP, BEEP!" (If you continue singing I will literally grow a consciousness, form a religion with strict moral guidelines, then purposely break em, go to hell. Just with the purpose of having and excuse to kill you slowly you !%$#%^$# Ginger #$%* Little #$%# %^ and you can take that $%^%$ and shove it up your ^&^$^$ of a boyfriends #$%##%^ you Hyperactive, ginger, motherless, $%^$$#!)
While Nora was ready for a lot of things, she did tear up at the mention of her bitch of a mother causing Ren to give her a comforting hand.
"… Three thousand Pancakes and nine hundred and ninety six, on the table, three thousand and nine hundred and ninety, six metallic computer Pancakes on the table. Eat one up, gobble and smack. Three thousand and nine hundred and ninety, five metallic computer Pancakes on the tabl…" Before she could even finish Ren spoke up.
"I think we should find a different song to sing." Ren interrupts.
"Alright, Renny. That song was starting to get stale." Nora remarks as she turns around to look at ED-E. "Sorry little guy, I know that was your favorite song but I'm tired of singing it, maybe in another hour."
Nora chuckles at the joke, causing Ren to smile.
"Beep, Death threat Boop, Beep." (Go die in a shallow ditch you ginger #$ %!)
"Right, so what should I sing next, hmm oh, what about the one about the rowboat?" Nora asked herself.
"Beep, Boop, Beep." (For the love of. Hey is there any cruel and angry god who wants to make this ginger F# ker drop dead? Seriously, I'll take anyone."
"Not feeling like it." Crimson said, causing some laughter in the room.
"Right, so a one, a two, a th….AAAAHHHH!" Before she could begin to sing row, row, row your boat she tripped over a pebble and fell down a deep hole. Apparently, why'll walking they came across a hole. It was so deep that they couldn't see the bottom.
"Nora!" The ginger bomber's friends yelled but the former mute said.
"Well shit, there was a cruel and angry god."
"Nora!" Ren shouts as he quickly looks down into the abyss.
"… Beep, Vigorous Boop, Beep!" (… Thank you, cruel and angry god! Who else do you want me to sacrifice as well? Please let it be the idiot with the armor, or the other hyperactive child!)
"Jezz, he has no chill." Coco said, leaning away from the screen.
"He had to spend hours listening to the same song over and over again, you'll lose it too." Crimson said, remembering car riders with his sister boy band obsession.
"Jesus, how far does it go down?" Boone muttered to himself as he looked down into the hole.
"Hopefully not far enough that Nora wouldn't survive." Six said getting a dirty look from Ren. Ignoring that he calls down to Nora. "Hey, flapjack, are you alive?"
The Remnanties lean forwards waiting patiently for a reply.
For a moment there was complete silence. After a few more seconds a chirpy voice can be heard echoing through the hole. "… I'm ok!"
"Oh, thank Oum." Ren sighed.
"Oh, thank Oum." Ren remarks with a sigh of relief.
Ren shaked his head, while Nora laughed.
(Beep, Vengeful boop, Beep! (Curse you cruel and angry god!)
"Well, son of a bitch. See anything down there?" Six shouts down.
After a few moments Nora didn't reply, but once she did it made Six sigh in relief. "Um, no nothing… wait actually I see a huge gear. Like really big, it also has a yellow thirty four number on it!"
"And that will be the Vault." Crimson shivered, causing looks to turn his way.
"What's the problem?" Penny asks.
"You'll see."
"That's a Vault Nora!" Ren shouts down.
"More specifically the one we are looking for!" Boone shouts.
"… Oh, I knew we got there!" Nora shouts back.
"Just wait down there, we will be there soon!" Ren shouts as he looks around for something to use as rope.
"…Ok!'" Nora shouts up before singing Row, Row, Row your boat to ED-E's annoyance.
Nora and the more vengeful members laugh at the shaking ED-E.
Using some rope that Ren had packed the three slowly descended into the cavern below. In the cave, Six's Geiger counter on his Pip-Boy went crazy. The air they breathed felt uncomfortably strong with radiation. Even though Nora and Ren had their Aura to protect them from the radiation, they have an unexplainable itching sensation beneath their skin. Thankfully the Boomers gave Nora a huge bag of anti-radiation medicine with the expedition. They continued deeper into the cave till they came across the giant gear Nora had mentioned. On it were huge fading letters that formed the number 34.
"Well, looks like we found the Vault. Wondered what the experiment was?" Boone remarks as he pops some Rad-X.
"Wait, what?" The room echoed.
"Experiments? Weren't these Vaults designed to keep the pre war population safe from the apocalypses?" Ren asked as he wiped the sweat from his brow.
"That's what I thought." Weiss said.
"Not all were built to public expectation. Most of them had a sick science experiment behind them." Six explains as the group entered what looked like a cafeteria.
"That's horrible." Velvet said as she covered her mouth.
"Some were gruesome, like this Vault south of here. Vault 11 I believe. Supposedly the inhabitants were told that if they didn't boot one person every year they would die. Apparently, it took 'em till they only had four remaining till they said no." Boone explains as he spots a hole in the ground floor, leading to the bottom level. "Cruel part was that once they refused the machine graduated them, instead of killing them. Turns out it was to test how much a human's life was worth."
"Are you shitting me?" Neo asks aloud only to get a nod from Crimson.
"Honestly, it did a better job than the Belko Experiment. Gods, what a terrible movie." Crimson said coldly.
The idea of how many people who had died just because a machine told them to was disturbing. Even more so that this was purposely done just because it would make the perfect social science experiment.
"What about the others?" Nora asked with a shiver.
"I feel like I'm going to get angry soon." Sienna said.
"Well, some of them are strange. Vault 29 only allowed residents that were under the age of fifteen. Vault 70 vault suits were designed to fall apart after six months. Vault 55 and 56 were a combo experiment. 55 had no entertainment items while 56 had only one holotape with a really bad comedy movie attached to it. Apparently, the majority of sick doctors who designed this experiment said that the vault will fail before 55." Boone said, giving an example of known vaults off the top of his head. Ren was disturbed at the strange experiments, while Nora was fantasizing Ren in a Vault 70 jumpsuit around the time it expired.
Nora blush at the image well Crimson tilt his head to the side. "That I don't remember… Welp, looks like I found a nudist colony now."
Their progression down into the depths of the Vault was not as easy as first anticipated. The residents down there had all mutated into horrible ghoul monstrosities. They seem to be coming out of the woodwork at every turn. Being alone would have been a death wish down in the Vault, even with an abundance of Radaway and Rad-X. However, the five of them armed with hard hitting weapons made simple works of the mutated vault dwellers. As they continued on downwards Ren had done some digging on the terminal. Apparently, this vault was filled with an even bigger armament than the others. He theorized that it was to test the old saying he heard from Ralph once. An Armed society is a polite society.
"Huh, is that the reason you shivered?" Ruby asks not even fazed by the ghouls, though the ferals were new and creepy.
"Not them themselves, but when you are alone facing them." Crimson said. "Like a horrible zombie movie."
"Huh, also I like this society." Ruby said with a smile.
"Don't we all?"
That explains why they had found a lot of 10MM bullets and the same model of SMG he uses. It also seemed that there was recently a riot by the way the furniture was set up. Guess something went wrong. The deeper they went they found two areas that were completely flooded. Nora went in first and after a few minutes swam back up glowing slightly and was seeing everything in multiple colors and extremely nauseous, but she did find a code for a local computer. After five Radaways, which took an additional hour since Nora hated needles. They used the code and discovered where the armory is. Unfortunately it was under lock and key by the Vault's Overseer. They went down even deeper into the Vault to find the Overseer's office. As they went down Ren discovered more logs about the place. The problems weren't due to the absurd amount of military grade guns, but the overpopulation. Questions had arisen about what to do about it. One thing did keep coming up, the word "culling." This was used over multiple times, indicating some were thinking about killing off a few dozen of the residents down below.
"Killing people, why does overpopulation always lead to radical and fanatical solutions?" Ren questions himself as they continue on down.
"I don't know, why not ask the Atlasain General next time you see him?" Crimson said to no one in particular, causing some questions.
After careful navigation they had reached the lowest part of the Vault. Inside the Overseer's office was the yellow glowing bastard himself. Despite being a feral ghoul, he somehow activated the defense mechanism, causing the desk to become a turret. If that wasn't bad enough, with each growl lured more feral ghouls towards them. Six, ED-E, and Ren easily fought off the incoming hordes of feral ghouls while Nora and Boone fought the Overseer's defenses with grenades and sniper rounds. After a few lucky shots, Nora blasted the Overseer the smithereens with her grenade launcher. Inside his office Six went through his terminal to find that he had rerouted it to the core room for safety reasons. Ren on the other hand found out what were the "Safety reasons."
"Mother of Gods!" Nora said as she and everyone else watched the battle before them.
During the riots a faction of the group had barged into the armory and stolen an abundance of heavy weapons. They of course fled the vault leaving the civil war behind. This would have ended the vault but instead the Overseer continued the lockdown to prolong the riots. These riots will allow the residents to cull one another, leaving the fittest to remain. As despicable as this plan was, it seems that he had his comeuppances when during the riot an explosion broke the reactor and the pool. The radiation had flooded the vault along with the contaminated water. Hence why everybody who remained became a ghoul.
"Well shit, looks like he got what he deserves. Shame it took everyone else with him." Sienna said.
They headed straight for the reactor and found it to be the highest radiated area in the vault. Nora and Ren were sent in due to their aura only giving them a slight advantage over Boone and Six. In the reactor room they found a message begging for help. Apparently, some of the vault dwellers survived in a radiation free zone somewhere in the vault. They begged anyone who was reading to save them by sending the controls to them by the terminal they were reading from. Ren shrugged this off as a message from the dead and just opened the vault armory instead. On their way out Nora couldn't help but feel guilty. So, to give a dead man's last wish, she sent the controls over to his terminal as instructed and followed after Ren.
Nora makes a smile at that as well as the more good aligned members.
Their Aura had kept them safe for the most part, but it still affected them physically. They were limping with each step and had to be carried by Six and Boone as the last of the Radaway was starting to affect them. Outside the Armory were a few glowing feral ghouls in raggedy vault security armor. Besides them were a few dozen normal feral Ghouls. Looked like the last of the vault security was stationed near the armory. It was a difficult fight seeing both Nora and Ren could barely stand let alone fight. Still they managed with the help of a few grenades. Once the Stimpacks and the last of the Radaway settled in, the five entered the armory where they came face to face with a huge stockpile of prewar grade military issued weapons.
"Please tell me it's my birthday?" Nora said excitedly.
"Oh, My, Oum… is it my birthday?" Nora asked with a mixture of exhaustion, giddiness, and Surprise.
Nora laughs at her storyself.
"Beep, still annoyed Boop, Beep." (If it is, I wish that everyone would have forgotten about it.)
"That's not how that works." Nora said as she still laughs.
"Well, it looks like things are finally going our way." Six said with a small satisfied grin on his face as he stared at the guns.
Nora was the first to enter the armory. She helped herself with the explosive weapons while Ren was inspecting a 12.7 SMG. Boone found a really nice military grade sniper rifle. Six was more than interested with the Minigun, but it was way too heavy and Nora wouldn't carry it because of the rocket launcher. He did notice a very particular marksman carbine. It had a green woodland military camouflage, modified stock and barrel with a modified scope. On the side was an inscription above a military logo that read 82nd All American Airborne Division.
"Oh!" Both the weapon specialists and the bomber said.
As he inspected the gun he noticed a box to the side. He strapped the gun to his back before checking the locker, only to find it locked. Closer inspection revealed it needed a key to open. This got Six thinking.
"… Nora, do you still have that key?" Six asks as he turns to see Nora stuffing her duffle with the explosives for the plane.
"Yeah." She chirped. Six, then motion her over. He shows her the lock and Nora recognizes it and pulls out the key. With a simple click the lock was undone. Inside was possibly the strangest looking device the five had ever seen.
"What's that?" Penny said.
"… Wow, is that an alien blaster?" Nora asked as she looked at the weapon curiously.
Ruby gives a cocky smile.
"I don't think there are such things as aliens." Ren comments as he looks at the strange contraption.
"I'll like to take back that statement." Ren stated.
It was an energy weapon of some sort. Definitely not military issued. It looked like one of those strange science fiction laser pistols. However, what gave away that it was man made was the designation written on the side. BM Military Prototype Pulse Gun, Codename: CircuitBreaker
"Huh, so what is it? Oh, is it a pancake maker?" Nora asked, slightly excited.
"Beep, Boop, Beep?" (How did you get pancakes from a device that is clearly an E.M.P?)
"Yeah, I have to agree. This thing is an E.M.P device." Six said as he pockets the strange weapon.
"A what?" Ren asked.
"A what?" Ren asked.
"No seriously what is it?" Ren said, not even bother.
"Electrical, Magnetic, Pulse. Fries circuits like they were roadkill on a dusty road." Boone explains.
"Oh you mean emp." Said everyone but Crimson.
"Oh, you mean an emp." Nora chimes in.
"A what?" Six asked.
"An emp. That's what it's called in our world." Ren explains.
"Why, not E.M.P? It's not a word but an acronym." Boone asked.
"I don't know. It's much easier to say, and also rolls off the tongue better." Ren answers.
"I do." Penny said with a smile.
"Beep, Boop, Beep. (That sounds… so Dumb. Your planet must be filled with idiots.)
"We have General Ironwood." Weiss said with pride.
"Wait two years and say that again with a straight face." Crimson said with an annoyed tone.
"Right, well as fun as it is to talk about, I can feel my hair falling out of my head and tumors growing in multiple places, so I think we should leave." Six remarks as he taps on his Pip-Boys Geiger counter.
"Yeah, they should go." Weiss said.
The group agreed and quickly packed up the ammo before leaving the armory. After navigating through the treacherous hollow vault. The four exited the vault to be greeted by a few Gold hide Geckos. They were much bigger than most vermin down south but still made for some good practice. As they race towards the four, Nora lazily aims with the rocket launcher sending the majority into the air in pieces. Ren quickly tossed a few grenades without pulling a single pin. He then dual wielded the two 12.7 SMG and quickly hit each grenade causing them to explode killing a few dozen as well. Boone and Six didn't waste their explosives but instead used their new rifles to put holes in the ones that were too far for grenades.
"That was Awesome!" Nora cheered.
"… Oh, my Oum. We are Awesome!" Nora shouts as she loads a new rocket into the launcher.
"That's what I said!" Nora yelled at her storyself.
"Works smoothly, Legion boys won't see me coming for miles." Boone said in agreement as he holsters his new rifle.
Evil smiles are seen on Ruby, Yang and Jaune's faces at Boone's comment.
"Well, now as much fun as it is, I think we should see medical help as soon as possible." Six remarks as his Pip-Boy finally finished updating. On the screen it shows him to be suffering from level two radiation poisoning.
"We should head to Camp Golf. Have a few buddies stationed there, who can get us patched up." Boone suggested.
"Sweet, great to have a vent with us." Nora said with a smile getting confused looks from the newcomers.
"Sounds good… where is Camp Golf?" Nora asked. Boone simply pointed east towards a Golf resort next to lake Mead. By this time the sun had just started to come over the lake, giving the five a beautiful view of the military base.
"Ah, oh." Ruby said, releasing something important.
"Alright, guess it couldn't hurt to get some shut eye before drowning in the dumb lake to raise a two-hundred-year-old plane." Six remarks sarcastically as he stretches in exhaustion.
The group agrees and heads towards the Golf reservation. As they head towards the Camp, Six begins to feel the combination of exhaustion and radiation poison. So to keep himself awake he turned on his radio and soft country music began to play.
Some begin to nod along with the song.
Play Big Iron by Marty Robbins
To the town of Agua Fria rode a stranger one fine day
Hardly spoke to folks around him, didn't have too much to say,
No one dared to ask his business, no one dared to make a slip
For the stranger there among them had a big iron on his hip,
big iron on his hip
It was early in the morning when he rode into town
He came riding from the south side, slowly lookin' all around
"He's an outlaw loose and runnin'", came a whisper from each lip
"And he's here to do some business with the big iron on his hip,
big iron on his hip"
In the town there lived an outlaw by the name of Texas Red
Many men had tried to take him and that many men were dead
He was vicious and a killer, though a youth of twenty four
And the notches on his pistol numbered one and nineteen more,
one and nineteen more
Now the stranger started talkin' made it plain to folks around
Was an Arizonia ranger, wouldn't be too long in town
He came there to take an outlaw back alive or maybe dead
And he said it didn't matter that he was after Texas Red,
after Texas Red
Wasn't long before this story was relayed to Texas Red
But the outlaw didn't worry, men that tried before were dead
Twenty men had tried to take him, twenty men had made a slip,
Twenty one would be the ranger with the big iron on his hip,
big iron on his hip
The morning past so quickly and it was time for them to meet
It was twenty past eleven when they walked out on the street
Folks were watchin' from their windows,
everybody held their breath,
For they knew that handsome ranger was about to meet his death,
about to meet his death
There was forty feet between them
when they stopped to make their play
And the swiftness of the Ranger still talked about today
Texas Red had not cleared leather when a bullet fairly ripped
And the ranger's aim was deadly, with the big iron on his hip,
big iron on his hip
It was over in a moment and the folks had gathered 'round
There before them lay the body of the outlaw on the ground
Oh, he might have gone on livin' but he made one final slip
When he tried to match the ranger with the big iron on his hip,
big iron on his hip
Big iron, big iron,
He tried to match the ranger with the big iron on his hip,
Big iron on his hip
In the dark a lighter his heard before it finally light showing Crimson in the dark with the lighter. "Alright, who not dead yet?"
From Monster King: Thanks.
Thanks for writing Monster King
From Man on the Moon: Well, he didn't have to bring up the story, but he did.
Thanks for writing Man on the Moon
From LordofFlame: Shh... Spoilers.
Thanks for writing LordofFlame
Alright, last chapter next week before I work on another project.
As Wombag walks into a new room he see it full of of angry Mexican women with spider legs, and they all have his ex's face. "… (sigh) this… this sucks." Wombag remarks before pulling out his flask. He takes one sip hoping to forget the kind of hell he find himself in. "Well, least y'all bitches ain't my real ex. Lost a leg to her… and really good saw as well." This gets a hiss from the spiders, one approaches fangs open when Wombag holds up a pink frosted sprinkle donut. The creature gives a hiss before crawling away. "Yeah that's right. Walk away you overgrown hairy asses with my ex's face. Their is so much fear can hold me back before butchering your friend with a donut!" Wombag shouted as the creature crawled back into the darkness, still watching as Wombag continues to count the time he has been stuck inside this hell. Behind him come large spider legs that inch closer to him, though he does sense a aura of dread.