International Dibs Protocol
Puerto Rico - does that even count?
A/N: Just something short and silly. The SPARTAN doesn't matter to Church nearly as much as the bureaucratic slap fight, because every iteration of Church is fantastic in those. Formatting could be better, but it's FFn; waddya gonna do?
Dear Director,
It has come to my attention through certain former mutual associates that you have a new recruit in your experimental program. Now, although under most circumstances, I would be more than delighted to congratulate you on such a potentially useful find, this soldier that you have absorbed into your ranks comes from another project, funded and endorsed and fully part of the UNSC: this "Agent Puerto Rico" is one of my SPARTANs, Doctor Church, and I cannot condone such poaching from my project.
Sincerely,
Dr. Catherine Halsey,
Head of the SPARTAN Directive
A collection of letters followed after her name, as if her academic and military credentials were supposed to fill up the rest of the sheet with unspoken threat. The note came in on very nicely-printed heavy letterhead, but there was no mistaking it for anything other than what it was: a retaliatory shot across the bow.
Dr. Church considered crumpling it and tossing it out, but that would be childish. He had offered the SPARTAN a position, the soldier was not otherwise engaged and had accepted, and if Halsey wished to cry about it through passive-aggressive letters, it was not his problem.
Dear Dr. Halsey,
Agent Puerto Rico is not engaged in any project that was not personally volunteered for - unless you wish to include the results of the dubious recruitment of a six-year-old. However, that time in my agent's life has ended, so while I might thank you for the training you provided, this particular SPARTAN is no longer of your concern.
Cordially,
Doctor Leonard Church, Director of Project Freelancer
He had barely gotten his newest soldier suited up before Halsey's next letter arrived, in electronic form, no longer willing to wait for old-fashioned carrier or printer.
Church,
The SPARTANs are a lifelong project. Just because I may not have them all actively deployed at any given moment does not mean that you can snap them up at a whim. Part of my study is to see how they reintegrate into society.
-Halsey
There might have been the slightest hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of his goatee as Church tapped out a quick reply on his datapad.
Apparently they do so by getting involved with a project that will actually allow them to use their full potential, Halsey. Research is all well and good, but some of us have a war to win.
-Dr. Church
His datapad chimed an incoming message within minutes of sending the note, but Church ignored it for the moment, watching Puerto Rico set up for the first match in the arena below. He had a little surprise for the new agent planned.
Like your agents would know how to do anything other than pit fighting, Leonard. You haven't put them up against actual alien threats in years. My SPARTANs are meant for more than stealing you new toys from paramilitary extremists.
-CH
"New toys?" Well, if that was how she wanted to put it… Church forced himself not to lean forward in excitement as the entrance to the arena opened for Puerto Rico's competitor. Halsey might have taken fifteen years to mold the best humanity could offer, but this was something far beyond humanity. And Catherine wanted to call her a toy.
You break your Spartans, Cathy, but that doesn't mean that the rest of us can't be more pragmatic with our resources. Finders keepers.
-LLC
He barely glanced at the datapad as he sent the message, his eyes glued to the action below. If she took the lack of capitalization as offense, good.
I have dibs, Len.
She hadn't even signed that message. It barely deserved two words in return.
Too bad.
Texas was on the floor. Texas was on the floor. The SPARTANs, even the washouts like the one that Church had pulled in, were bionically enhanced, but they shouldn't be able to do this. Obviously the Director had some programming to rewrite, maybe some techs down in engineering to put the fear of Allison into. At least no one else was around to witness this atrocity. It hurt to type another response, but he held up a finger to the soldier standing over the offline robot, awaiting Church's next command, and the Director grudgingly pecked out an olive branch.
Halsey,
I might return your SPARTAN, under one condition. Do you have any way to completely block memories?