Brave Girl
Your body still remembers things you told it to forget.
You still dream about memories you fall asleep to run away from.
And in your waking day, you're just a girl seeking for some stability.
Some reassurance that you still move with the Earth; each breath of yours still gives to the trees.
And so far, you must be.
Because all you do is look up and realize how fast the seasons have passed.
And yet, through every spring, summer, and fall, there was Levi.
Your Levi, and his mint aftershave, and the bland hot chocolate he makes for you when you wake up at night. Calling you a brat through clinking tea cups and 1 am darkness- he can't fathom why you don't like tea, but still…
He'll make you your stupid hot chocolate if that will help you feel better.
Doesn't mean he'll make the damn thing sweet enough though, it is Levi making it.
But no matter, you'll still enjoy it, because Levi made it.
Levi, your life's constant little storm cloud; your anchor amongst an ocean of uncertainties.
And because if there was anything bland hot chocolate could comfort you with, it was that it came with a promise that you could watch Levi's otherwise slate blue eyes turn brilliant as the morning light would glaze over his eyes just right.
For those few, still hours, you knew. If you ever had a center of your universe, it would be at this tiny little bedroom, at dawn, with your favorite person by your bedside.
For those few, still hours, you knew- that you would be alright.
You'll be more than alright.
You're going to be great.
Brilliant blue eyes were peeking at you from beneath ebony locks.
Watching the way your chest rose and fell with each breath. Watching how you close your eyes against the sunlight creeping in; reminding yourself that each day starts with a single breath.
And another.
And then another.
More breaths until you convince yourself that—
'Yes, I exist. I hurt because I am alive. And this too shall pass.'
If there was anything you and Levi had in common, it's that you weren't much of a talker.
Well, not about the stuff that matters anyway.
Those things you keep to yourself. Or lately, you whisper them to him.
'Your Levi,' is what you'd call him.
And Levi? He just accepted that. Didn't even think twice about it. It slipped out of your lips, and he took it. He owned it.
He was Your Levi.
Yours.
He wasn't your hero, nor your savior. Nor the strong, undaunted man everyone seems to think he is.
To you, he was just Levi.
And that made you his safe space as much as he was yours.
In this little bubble of morning light and silence—even despite the unmade bed, your baggy, crinkled pajamas, nor that fact that you both have been on the floor these past few hours—
Levi knew that for now, he was just a man with a sweet creature, who's just breathing by his side like a newly-born fawn.
Levi once heard Erwin say that true friends find comfort in each other's company even in total silence.
And Levi thinks he now knows how that feels.
Because Levi didn't need words.
He just needed you to keep breathing. Keep moving.
He knows. He understands. And he'll be there.
He just needs you to keep going on.
If the bland 1 am hot chocolate is what it takes for you to learn to love yourself the way he loves you;
For you to see yourself and your unbelievable strength through his eyes, then so be it.
Levi never slept well anyways.
'Perhaps', he'd muse to himself sometimes, 'that's how it was meant to be';
He can't sit in silence with you in the middle of the night if he's fast asleep, can he?
Levi allowed himself to bask in the soft glow of the morning light.
He'd never tell you, but he knows how much you love his eyes in this light.
But he'd also never tell you that, he knows you do because he loves the little wonder in your eyes, and the endearing blush to your cheeks when you notice his eyes.
"Hey."
Your breath hitched just that little bit, when you turned back to his brilliant blues again.
It's all the more beautiful knowing how fleeting the sight is.
"Yeah?" Your voice was barely a whisper.
Levi, still looking so indomitable even in grey sweats and a tank top, moved to hold your face in roughened hands.
'The hands of a rascal', he'd say.
But you knew what they were- the hands of a man who's worked for everything he ever had.
And you loved them.
A thumb caressed your cheek.
"You're going to be okay."
Levi was looking directly into your eyes. Looking into your eyes as if he could transfer all of his strength by the sheer force of his will.
"How do you know?" You breathed out.
"Because…"
You breathed in.
"…You're my brave girl."
And Levi knew.
You were his brave girl.