Chapter Five

Nikko hated seeing her hurt. He wished he could take away her confusion and her pain, but sadly Nikko knew all about loving someone that didn't love you back. Nikko was probably the world record holder for that.

"Oh Fin, I'm sorry. Believe me, I know what it's like to love someone you can't have. To love them so much you think your heart is never going to recover." Nikko kissed the top of her head and continued.

"I also know sometimes we can't really help it. We can't help who we love even when we know we shouldn't. I think it's the same for Michail you know. He's in a precarious position, trying to corral the various rivalries in the Petrov organization. Being with you puts a target on his back. And on yours."

Finley looked up at him, really looked at him, silent tears escaping her eyes. She appreciated that Nikko didn't tell her Michail was just using her. That even Nikko seemed to recognize there was something between them.

Nikko reached up and used his thumbs to wipe away her tears.

Finley couldn't really imagine a woman not loving Nikko back, but she knew enough of his history to know that he and Natasha had been a couple before he met Kate. She didn't really know much more than that, other than Nikko had left Natasha for Kate.

Finley assessed him trying to put together the pieces and suddenly it all clicked for her. "Is that how you felt about Natasha?"

Nikko gave her a wry smile and grimaced a little. Nikko wasn't sure when he'd become quite so transparent or talked so much, but this was Fin and it was clear she was hurting, and confused. He knew Michail was in an impossible situation. He just hoped Finley didn't get caught in the crossfire.

"Yes. I've loved that woman since I was seventeen." Nikko shrugged. It was just a statement of fact.

"But Natasha would do anything for you Nikko, she does love you." Even as Finley said it, she realized there were all kinds of love.

Nikko nodded. "I know. She's my best friend and I know she loves me, but she's not in love with me and never will be." Nikko took another deep breath and pressed on. "Natasha found her true love and I'm happy for her." And Nikko was, even if sometimes it ripped his guts out.

"But you left Natasha." Finley was confused. If Nikko loved Natasha, why did he leave her? Especially for another woman. Finley was a little concerned this was going to be one of those mysteries of men moments.

"Yes, I did. Mainly because I wanted her to love someone like I loved her. She deserved that. She deserved more than just staying with me because I was familiar. She deserved to feel those butterflies in her stomach and desire so strong her knees feel weak. Someone she could share her feelings and her secrets with." The sad truth was Nikko wasn't that guy for Natasha, or probably anyone. Nikko didn't do feelings well. "And, I met Kate. She made me realize that maybe Natasha and I could both find people that loved us. I know that probably doesn't make much sense."

Finley rested her hand on Nikko's chest above his heart. "Actually, it makes a lot of sense." Finley felt her heart expand a little more for Nikko. Nikko had given up Natasha because he loved her, not because he didn't.

"But you love Kate, even though you still love Natasha." It was more a statement than a question.

Finley was a little afraid Declan was her Kate, and she was his. She loved Declan, and she enjoyed being with him. But her feelings for Michail were different. She had no doubt she was in love with Michail on some level, and she was just a little afraid she was obsessed with him. Finley wanted Michail and couldn't have him, and Declan wanted Natasha and couldn't have her, so they'd settled for each other. It was good, it was comfortable, but they'd still settled.

"I do. I love Kate." Nikko confirmed.

"Do you feel like you settled?"

Nikko thought about it a moment. "No, Fin. I didn't settle for Kate. I love her, but it is different. Not less, but different. Maybe even better in some ways." Nikko conceded. "Just like I suspect you love Declan, but it is different, but not necessarily less, than how you feel about Michail."

Leave it to Nikko to cut right to the heart of the matter and see right through her. And leave it to Nikko to be brutally honest. Something Finley appreciated about him. His honesty never came with judgement. And that is why Finley loved Nikko just a little too. That realization startled her, and she quickly pushed her thoughts right back into the friend box where they belonged.

"But if Natasha told you tomorrow that she loved you, she wanted you, what would you do?" Finley asked. Nikko was years away from his break-up with Natasha, maybe time did heal wounds and she could cling to that because right now, she missed Michail terribly.

Nikko shook his head. "I don't know love. I really don't know. I think that answer changes with time. The more time I spend with Kate, and the more of a life we build together the more I love her. The less likely I would be to ever leave her, even if Natasha decided she loved me." Nikko rubbed the back of his neck. "At least that is what I think is happening. I don't know that I could really know for certain, unless I had that choice to make. I know that's not really the answer you wanted to hear."

Finley knew that was also the truth, and she understood it. If Michail said tomorrow he wanted to be with her and they could be together, she didn't know if she would give up Declan. She did love Declan; she just didn't know if that would be enough. Would she always think there might be something else out there? Declan was still the more practical choice. Certainly, the safer one. The problem was she didn't know if he was the right choice or just the only available one. Was she actually choosing him?

What she did know, she wasn't being fair to Declan. When he got home, they needed to talk. It was time for both of them to either be all in, or all out.

"What's the deal with Declan and Natasha. I really need to know Nikko. It feels like, in some ways, Declan is just settling for me." Finley realized saying that out loud kind of hurt. She felt a knot in the pit of her stomach.

"I honestly don't know love. I really don't. All I know is when Natasha was fifteen, she somehow managed to talk Declan into partnering with me rather than killing me."

"Declan was going to kill you?" Finley couldn't quite keep the horror out of her voice.

Nikko just shrugged. "Maybe." The truth was probably but Finley didn't really need to know that. "I would have deserved it. I'd done something stupid."

Finley quirked an eyebrow at him. "And?"

Nikko put out his hands palms up in a gesture of surrender and shrugged his shoulders.

"And, I don't know. I really don't. Declan and I made a deal." Nikko was telling the truth; he really didn't know. He knew something had happened, but neither Declan nor Natasha had ever talked about it. Declan had dealt very harshly with the men that hurt Natasha, and no one in his organization ever looked at her crosswise again or put a hand on her.

Of course, he also knew both Declan and Natasha had the same damn sparrow tattoo. He figured he'd keep that little gem to himself. Maybe it was just a coincidence. Yeah, Nikko had a feeling the likelihood of that was on par with him being named a saint.

Finley could tell there was more to the story, so she just gave him the look and waited.

Nikko sighed. "And, I told Declan he had to stay away from Natasha." Nikko winced a little. He knew the bomb blast was coming.

"Why?" She elongated the word. Nikko kind of figured it was like the fine word without using the fine word. Reyes had warned him about this.

"I saw the way he looked at her. The way she looked at him." Nikko's shoulder went up in a half shrug. "Fin, Natasha was fifteen. I thought she was too young. Declan was early twenties." Nikko was shaking his head and he blew out a breath. "I thought I was doing the right thing. But I don't know. Maybe I fucked up. Natasha might have been fifteen, but she hadn't been a kid since she was eight. Maybe I should have let them figure it out and stayed out of the way." Nikko was realizing more and more, pretty much all he'd ever done with Natasha was fuck-up.

Nikko was studying Finley. He knew that information hadn't set well.

"Look Fin, I think they just had bad timing. That's all. If things had of been different who knows, but it wasn't. That part of their life is over. Natasha loves Reyes, and I don't think that is ever going to change."

"Yeah, but what about Declan? Do you think he still has whatever it was for Natasha?" Finley's voice sounded like she thought he might.

"I don't know, but you should ask Declan." Nikko gave her a pointed look that said he was just about done with this conversation.

"I have. He won't talk about it. He just says they knew each other years ago. Every time I ask him, he just shuts down and the walls come up."

"Did you ever stop to think maybe that's the truth, and there really isn't anything else to say." The look Finley gave Nikko conveyed in no uncertain terms she was pretty sure he was an idiot.

Nikko smiled at her. "What would you tell Declan about Michail if he asked?"

Finley thought about it for a minute. "I don't know. I don't know what to say, because I don't know what it is."

"Exactly." Nikko gave her a pointed look.

"OK, point taken." Finley tossed him a sour look. She hated it when Nikko was right, which was most of the time. Maybe Declan was saying everything there was to say, because that is all that had happened. Maybe the questions she should be asking Declan weren't about the past.

"Look Fin, I'm not the guy to be giving relationship advice, I know that. But for what it is worth, Declan is a decent guy and I think he loves you. I know Michail has that dark allure for you, I get that. I do. But there are so many barriers to that, the least of which you are an O'Shea and he is the head of the bratva. So many complications come with that. Complications that are potentially deadly."

Nikko had her by the shoulders, his eyes locked with hers. "Just because you have feelings for Michail doesn't mean you shouldn't move forward with Declan. Just be honest with him, let him have the choice. Maybe you see Michail once in a while or maybe you don't. You both get what you need." Nikko shrugged.

Finley's brows went up about two inches on her head. "Are you suggesting what I think you are?"

"I'm suggesting you don't have to blow up your life for this and neither does Michail. Be practical about it. This thing with Michail isn't just going to go away, but it also doesn't have to consume you. Come on Fin, you know it is possible to love more than one person. To love them equally, but differently."

Nikko was clearly serious, and when Finley thought about it, he was making a valid point. Nikko was nothing if not practical. But sometimes that was the problem with Nikko. He was too rational about things, because he could separate the situation from his feelings. Not everyone could do that, including her.

"You would agree to something like that?" Finley hedged.

Nikko gave her a wicked grin. "Me?" Finley just rolled her eyes.

"Ok Yeah. If I were Declan I would agree, if it got me you. I guess I would think if agreeing meant I could have a relationship with you I would. I'd do it."

"Why?" Finley was genuinely curious. Declan could have just about any woman he wanted. Well more or less. Not just anyone would fit into his life, but he would definitely have options.

"It would give me the advantage." Nikko shrugged. "I would agree to it because then I would have the opportunity to prove to you that I was the better man for you. It would give me the opportunity to show you I could give you what you needed, that I could erase him from your thoughts. I would do my damnedest to get you to choose me, and make a life with me." Nikko's velvet voice washed over her. He sounded uncharacteristically adamant. She wasn't entirely certain he was still talking about Declan anymore.

"I guess it is something to consider." She allowed.

Finley took a moment and really looked at Nikko. She could see the fatigue around his eyes and she could feel the tension radiating off of him. Suddenly she was irrationally angry at Kate. Kate had once again left Nikko. Not that she'd left the relationship this time, but rather she was off saving the world.

Finley didn't understand it. Or maybe it was Kate that just didn't understand. Nikko had given up a lot to be with Kate. He'd even stopped doing a lot of the government work he used to do, which kept him focused. Now he didn't have that and he didn't have Kate.

Kate had been gone for weeks, and it was entirely possible she might be gone for months. Finley really didn't get how Kate could be so smart and so stupid at the same time. Nikko needed her just as much as anyone else. Finley would never leave Nikko like that.

He'd been doing pretty well the last year, but Finley knew Nikko was always on a razor's edge. The nightmares and the demons always creeping just outside the light, looking for cracks, finding ways in. But then maybe that's what Kate didn't understand because she wasn't like Nikko, and she wasn't like Finley.

Kate had lived a pretty normal life, and she related to people with that frame of reference. Sometimes Finley didn't think Kate even saw all of Nikko's sharp edges or open wounds. Nikko was very good at hiding them from people.

Finley could tell Nikko was starting to lose his footing. He worked so hard to stay grounded, but she could tell the moorings were starting to come loose. One big gust of wind and he would break free, tossed about, in danger of bashing into the sharp rocks of his past.

"Are you OK? Are you not sleeping again?" Finley asked him, watching him closely. She knew Nikko sometimes suffered from insomnia, which usually turned into a spiral of its own.

Nikko looked away. "Not much, old ghosts I guess."

"You mean you're having nightmares again? Do you want to talk about it?"

"Do you want to tell me what really happened with your stepfather?" Nikko snapped.

Finley just looked at him for a beat, her heart in her throat. Her hands felt clammy. She thought it was possible all the breath had left her body. She forced herself to breathe. How the fuck did Nikko know that. Her voice sounded numb, but at least she could speak. "We aren't talking about me right now Nikko. We are talking about you."

"Shit Fin, I'm sorry." He tried to pull her to him, but she yanked away. She couldn't be touched right now, and especially not by Nikko. Nikko dropped his hands.

He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you or ambush you like that."

Finley knew he was lashing out because she'd hit a nerve. Nikko was definitely having nightmares and not sleeping. Nikko hated his weakness, but what he hated more, was someone knowing he had one.

Sometimes the way Nikko could see right through her to her dark little secrets scared her. Finley just nodded and they stared at each other in silence for a minute.

"Tell me what I can do for you Nikko, I'll do anything." Finley's voice was soft.

The minute the words left her mouth she knew it was the wrong thing to say. Their eyes locked and she knew it was also absolutely true. Awareness filling the space between them. It felt like the oxygen had been sucked out of the room. Finley's breath caught and she was suspended just staring at him. She could clearly see the predator coming to the surface, and she was terrified. Not of him, but for him. Nikko was always the one that kept them in line, he was the one that had the better judgement.

Nikko stepped forward and gently wrapped his hand around the column of her throat, rubbing his thumb over the hollow at the base of her neck. She knew he was assessing her, gauging her pulse that would telegraph her real thoughts. It was his version of a human lie detector.

"Anything?" Nikko's velvet voice slithered around her, dark and seductive.

Oh shit, she thought. This could go bad in about a hundred ways. She forced her breathing to remain steady and willed her heart not to beat completely out of her chest. Nikko was testing her. He was looking for her edge, like he always did. Just like he'd done with Kate. He pushed people, and then pushed them some more until they left because that is what he expected them to do.

Well Nikko had never met Finley before. Finley was the queen of pushing people away and putting up walls, when what she really needed was a friend. Finley recognized herself in Nikko, and he didn't get to play this game and he certainly didn't get to win.

Finley's eyes locked with Nikko. His eyes were dark and angry, but not at her. She knew the person Nikko was angry with was himself. Finley stepped into his grip, and raised her chin giving him better access to her throat. It was an act of pure submission and trust.

She heard him suck in a ragged breath, and felt his grip tighten ever so slightly.

"Yes, Nikko. Anything." Her voice was clear and confident, which was a miracle because she was anything but confident. She was surprised her knees weren't knocking together the way her legs trembled.

Nikko's hand remained on her throat but he leaned into her. Mere inches from her face. "You shouldn't offer things like that to me." The dark sinful way he said it left absolutely no room for misinterpretation. He reminded her of a panther purring as he flexed and licked his claws.

It took all her willpower, but Finley hoped she managed a bored look. She lifted her eyebrow. "Why? I'm not afraid of you. I know you would never hurt me, or make me do anything I didn't want to."

His eyes narrowed. She'd thrown him off his game.

"What if I wanted everything? All of you?" Nikko's voice sounded like pure sin, and she felt an involuntary shiver go down her spine. Pushing and prodding, he kept looking for her edge.

"Then I would give it to you. Because you're worth it Nikko. I just wish you could see that. That you would believe that." Finley really hoped she hadn't miscalculated. Her bravado was evaporating fast.

She watched as confusion flashed across his beautiful face. Nikko looked like the fallen angel he was. Beautiful and dammed.

God Nikko thought, Finley was so much like Natasha. Brave, loyal and unwavering. Both of those women had absolute faith in him, even when he didn't have it in himself. Nikko really didn't know what he had done to deserve people like that in his life. People that loved him despite his flaws. People that loved him unconditionally.

Here he was threatening this slip of a woman, being a total ass and what was she doing? She was standing her ground. No, Nikko thought, not just standing her ground, but owning his miserable ass. She was utterly magnificent. And he loved her all the more for it. As a friend, he reminded himself.

Nikko smirked at her. "Anything? Let's test that out then shall we love."

He felt her pulse flutter, but she held his gaze. She was glaring at him defiantly.

"Hiking. I want to go hiking at Great Falls." Nikko told her.

A beat went by as his words sunk in; he watched a flash of emotions across her face as she quickly shifted gears. Finley rolled her eyes. "Gawd, and you're going to make me climb rocks and shit too aren't you."

"You know it." Nikko was grinning. He released her throat and stepped back.

"Fine, but I get to pick where we eat after." Finley warned him.

"Deal, now go change." Nikko pushed her towards her bedroom.

When Finley got inside her room, she closed the door and leaned back against it. She let out a shaky breath. That had been all kinds of fucked up, and probably a little stupid. Going toe-to-toe with him like that. Ok, a lot stupid. But something had shifted between them. She'd felt it. The danger was past. At least for now.

Finley dug in her drawer for shorts and a t-shirt. Her hands were shaking so badly she had to stop for a minute and take a few calming breaths. It took her three tries, but she finally got the zipper down on the jumpsuit. She pulled it off and hung it up in her closet. It looked entirely out of place, next to her jeans and cargo pants. One more reminder that Michail didn't fit in her life, and she didn't fit in his.

She pulled on her shorts and t-shirt, hunting around for a clean pair of socks before she stuffed her feet in her hiking boots.

She pasted a smile on her face and went out to meet Nikko, her nerves still raw from their encounter. Nikko had gone to the SUV and brought up his go bag and changed while she was busy having a panic attack.

"You ready?" She asked.

"I was born ready." He grinned at her and she just rolled her eyes. She wondered for a brief moment what Nikko had been like as a boy, before his world had turned upside down. Should found no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't imagine him as a child.

As they drove, Finley assessed him. Whatever demon was loose was definitely back in the box. She relaxed marginally.

They pulled into the parking lot at Great Falls, and Finley soon forgot about her troubles. It was a beautiful day. Gorgeous blue sky, warm temperatures and just the right amount of breeze. The dogwoods and redbud trees were in full bloom, and the park looked like a kingdom fit for a princess. Not that Finley thought she would ever be confused with a princess, and she definitely didn't live in a fairytale, but she could certainly appreciate the beauty.

She and Nikko hiked for a couple of hours. Nikko did some freestyle rock climbing while she sat back and watched. It was clear Nikko was trying to burn excess energy, while she was starting to drag from her lack of sleep. Not to mention certain parts of her body were pretty sore.

Nikko came over and flopped down beside her and grabbed his water bottle taking a long drink.

"It's a beautiful day isn't it." Nikko was laying on his back looking up at the clouds.

It was such a startling contradiction it took Finley a minute to realize he'd spoken. "It is. You actually had a good idea." She rolled her eyes and elbowed him. "For once."

"Yeah, well you know what they say. Even a blind pig and all of that." He was smiling. Relaxed.

They stayed like that for a while.

"Fin, I'm sorry about this morning. About bringing up your stepfather like that. Just know, if there is anything you want to talk about or anything we need to do or make right, I'm here." She could hear the contrition in his voice.

A beat of silence went by, and Finley tried to control her racing heart and push the memories back where they belonged. The implication of Nikko's words was clear. He obviously had a pretty good idea of what happened, and if she wanted a pound of flesh for it, he was right there with her.

"It was a long time ago." She finally said. Finley didn't want to think about it and she damn sure didn't want to talk about it, even with Nikko.

"Sometimes things like that have a way of not staying buried. Especially if you try and ignore them." Nikko warned. "Fin, I know he raped you."

Nikko had seen the medical reports. Read in graphic detail about the extent of her injuries. She'd been just fourteen, and the whole thing had been swept under the rug. Her stepfather never stood trial and was never punished in any way. He had buddies that made sure of that. Finley had been forced to recant her story and claim she'd had rough, but consensual sex with some unnamed boy she met at a football game. Her poor stepfather the victim of a vindictive teenage girl. His reputation left intact. A saint really for putting up with her. She was after all bad blood. Everyone knew that. Finley was labeled a troublemaker and shipped off to some private school.

Tears prickled the back of Finley's eyes, and she blinked a couple of times to force them away. She wasn't surprised that Nikko knew. Shame washed over her. Rage washed over her. It always did. She dug her nails into the palm of her hand, and focused on the pain.

"I'm OK now. I really am." Finley knew she was saying that more to convince herself of that than Nikko. Maybe she should take Nikko up on his offer. She wasn't a helpless teenager anymore. That bastard had never paid one day in his life for what he had done to her. Everyone said it was really her fault, the police, her mother, her stepfather. She'd brought it on herself, but she knew better. She knew what happened, and she knew how hard she had fought. For all she knew he was doing the same thing to others.

"I'll think about what you said." That was the most Finley was prepared to offer.

"Ok, love. Ok. But if you want to talk or anything. I'm here. None of it was your fault, and I hope you know that."

Finley nodded. "I do." But just because she knew it didn't mean she always believed it, but that wasn't a conversation she really wanted to have.

A minute went by and Nikko continued.

"I fucked people for money. Turned tricks. It's been over twenty-years, and it is still affecting me."

Finley's eyes cut to Nikko and locked with his. His confession startling her. Not because of what he did, but that he was trusting her with his story, opening up to her. She did some quick math. That meant Nikko had been on the streets fighting for survival before he was even a teenager. Her heart ached for him. No wonder he had nightmares. Another stab of irritation with Kate marched through her.

"Nikko, that doesn't define you. It is just something that happened. Bad things happen to good people all the time."

"Maybe." Nikko allowed.

"It says a whole lot about the broken system that failed you and the monsters, the men, that harmed you. The only thing it says about you, is that you are strong, and you are a survivor." Finley absolutely believed that was true, and she just wished Nikko could see that as well.

Nikko scrunched his nose. "I don't know if that's true. Maybe it does define me. It probably says a lot about me. About who I really am. Look at what I did to you this morning. Threatening you."

"Come on." Her voice was incredulous. "You and I both know better than that. Besides you weren't threatening me, you were testing me. There is a difference. And just so you know. You can't scare me off. We all do a little dance with the darkness sometimes, but none of that scares me or confuses me. I know you have done things you aren't proud of. We all have. But I also know who you are. A good man. Someone I really like and respect."

Nikko reached out and squeezed her hand. He really didn't know what to say, which was probably just as well since he was pretty sure he couldn't speak around the lump in this throat.

Finley flopped down on her back beside him, staring up at the clouds, looking for shapes. She really couldn't find any. She wondered what that said about her that she couldn't find any fanciful shapes in the big fluffy white clouds.

"Do you think happily ever after exists for people like us, or are we just doomed from the start. Total lost causes?" Finley wasn't sure where that came from or why she was asking Nikko of all people, but without any shapes in the clouds to distract her, really what else was she going to do. It wasn't like a lot of things hadn't already been laid bare today.

Nikko thought about it for a minute. "Honestly I think I want inner peace more than I want happily ever after. I think happiness may just be a fragile illusion. It always seems dependent on someone else. I think people like us need to figure out how to live with ourselves, and then who knows."

Finley thought that was probably good advice, but it made her feel a little sad. Maybe all little girls dreamed of happily ever after and prince charming.

Nikko seemed to sense her disappointment. He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down on her. "You're not doomed Fin. You're not a lost cause." Finley didn't look too convinced.

"You just have challenging taste in men." Nikko was smiling at her. She couldn't help but smile back. Challenging didn't begin to cover it.

"Look, whatever happens you always have me. I'll always be in your corner, always be your friend. Maybe we can be each other's ever after antidote. Keep ourselves sane on the journey."

Finley thought that was one of the nicest things anyone had ever said to her. "Maybe."

A beat went by. "Isn't that the adult equivalent of your cousin taking you to prom though." She was smiling at him.

Nikko gave a bark of laughter. "I'm not sure how I should take that. I don't know love, I never had a prom, but if you ever wanted me to take you to one, I would."

Nikko stood up and offered her his hand. "Come on. Let's do some more hiking." Clearly Nikko's capacity for emotion had been exhausted, which was just fine with her since hers had been exhausted too.

Finley groaned as he pulled her to her feet. Nikko and his nervous energy were going to be the death of her.

It was late afternoon when they finally made it back to Finley's apartment. Now she knew why Nikko was in such good shape. She couldn't help but be impressed.

They filed into her apartment and her stomach gave a loud growl. "I'll order food. Go take a shower." She wrinkled her nose. "You're all sweaty, and you are not sitting on the couch like that."

Nikko grabbed the go bag he had left earlier and headed to the bathroom. Finley took a seat at the bar and scrolled through the menus on the delivery app. She heard the door open and Nikko was standing there in a towel.

She really couldn't help but stare for a beat until she realized he was holding her bodywash looking perplexed.

"Do you have any regular soap?" He asked.

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Why what's wrong with the bodywash?" Was Nikko secretly allergic and she'd never known? She'd never really thought about it. Nikko stocked her bodywash at NNS Global, she'd always just thought he liked it. Now she realized he did it because she liked it.

"Strawberries Fin. I'll smell like strawberries the rest of the damn day." What Nikko didn't say is that would just remind him of her, and that might not be a good idea since they were alone in her apartment. It might put a crimp in his plan to keep himself out of trouble. Nikko was very good at finding trouble.

Finley rolled her eyes. "Seriously Nikko. Sometimes you are such a guy."

Finley brushed past him into the bathroom, and dug around under the sink until she found what she was looking for. Nikko was standing right behind her. "Here." She handed him a tiny bar of soap she'd taken from some hotel. His fingers brushed hers as he took the soap. Suddenly her bathroom felt way too small with Nikko standing in it, with nothing but a towel on.

She could see the stark definition of his abs, the light dusting of hair that ran from his navel south. Her eyes followed the trail, and she heard herself swallow. His scent and energy were all around her.

Seriously what was wrong with her. She'd been completely wild for Michail, just this morning and now she was having inappropriate thoughts about Nikko. In her defense, Nikko had a very lust worthy body. Any woman would appreciate that form, and she was just looking. She had no intention of doing anything stupid. Of course, the road to hell was paved with good intentions. She should probably keep that in mind and get the hell out of this bathroom.

What struck her was the fact the only person she wasn't thinking about right now was Declan. The man she'd been in a sort of relationship with for a year. She wondered what that said. She decided not to think about it too hard.

Speaking of hard, she could clearly see Nikko wasn't doing much better with the confined space and her intense stare.

Nikko's voice was husky. "Thanks for the soap." He said and stepped back as far away as he could in the tiny bathroom. "I'll be out in a few."

Finley just stood there frozen, staring for a beat.

"Fin." He elongated her name, his voice carrying a distinct warning snapping her out of her stupor.

"Yep, going." Finley scurried out of the bathroom like Cerberus was nipping at her heels, cheeks red from embarrassment. "Sorry." She called over her shoulder.

She heard the door close and let out a groan. Finley was officially a disaster.

Nikko closed the bathroom door and leaned his forehead against it. Nikko was going to hell, for sure going to hell for having thoughts like that. No, Nikko thought maybe not going to hell, maybe he was already there. Maybe this was the definition of hell.

Nikko reached over and turned the shower on cold. He dropped his towel and stepped in. The icy water stealing his breath, but doing very little else.

Nikko came out of the bathroom a few minutes later. Finley was at the bar. She'd pulled out a couple of beers and was sipping on one.

Nikko stood there a minute just looking at her. "Do you want to talk about it Fin? About what happened this morning. About what happened just now?" Nikko was really praying the answer was no. He kind of wanted to just stab a pencil through his eye at this point. It had to be far less painful than this.

Finley evaluated him for a minute. She shook her head. "No, not really. As far as I'm concerned nothing happened, except we agreed you will let me help you when you feel close to the edge, and I will let you help me if I feel out of control or want a little revenge."

Nikko's eyebrows went up a fraction. "Ok." He said.

"I ordered Indian. I'm going to take a quick shower. Beer is on the bar." With that Finley breezed past him and into the bathroom.

Nikko just stood there for a minute. He wasn't entirely sure what had happened, but it kind of felt like Finley had just wriggled under his armor and inside his defenses. For the first time ever, the thought of another person getting close to him didn't scare him.

Nikko went over to the bar and picked up the beer, popping the top and taking a long pull. He could do this. They were doing this. They were friends. A few minutes later, the door to the bathroom opened, and a big billow of steam came out. It smelled like strawberries.

"Fuck me." Nikko said to no one in particular and pinched the bridge of his nose.