Chapter Six
Finley flopped on the couch, and picked up the TV remote. "What do you want to watch. We could do a movie."
"Thomas Crowne Affair." Nikko said without hesitation.
Finley's eyebrows went up.
"What?" He shrugged. "I like the movie."
A smile twitched at the corner of her mouth. "OK, Thomas Crowne it is." Somehow, she'd been expecting diehard or fast and furious or something like that. It just went to show her how little she really knew about Nikko.
The last thing she remembered was watching a movie with Nikko. They must have fallen asleep because Finley could feel Nikko tossing restlessly, his skin slick with sweat, his breathing labored. He was murmuring something unintelligible. It looked like he was in the throes of a nightmare. Finley reached out and wrapped her arms around him hauling his head to her chest. She pressed a kiss to his damp forehead.
"You're OK. You're safe." She told him as she squeezed him closer.
She felt him still against her as he slid from sleep and the throes of the dream to wakefulness. Nikko's head rested on her chest as his breathing slowed.
He sat up and pulled away from her. "I'm sorry." He blew out a frustrated breath as he worked to control his breathing and heartrate.
Finley reached up and cupped his face turning him to look at her. "You don't have anything to be sorry for."
The light filtering through the windows showed the grim set of his mouth. She could feel the stiffness in his body and the tension.
Without thinking, she pulled his face down to hers and brushed a soft kiss across his lips. It was meant to be a comforting kiss. A friendly kiss. It was anything but. Electricity and awareness surged through her when their lips met. Her pulse leapt, and she felt desire swirl through her like a tornado. She heard his sharp intake of breath as she pulled back from the kiss.
They stared at each other for a moment. Indecision and longing making the air feel heavy, like a forest fire with little embers of desire licking and burning the skin. Finley's breath caught and she was suspended, just staring at him. Bathed in the moonlight, he looked like every bit the fallen angel he was. Beautiful and dammed. Touching him had been a mistake. Kissing him had been an invitation of mutual destruction. All the barriers that they had spent the last year erecting were torn down, and it was just pure raw desire shimmering between them with nothing to stop them.
Nikko reached out and put his hand behind her head pulling her forward. His lips touched hers with gentle but insistent pressure. There was nothing hurried or frantic in that moment. Just the desire to taste and savor her. His mouth explored her at a leisurely pace, his tongue delving in and memorizing her. His teeth raked across her bottom lip, eliciting a moan. Fire was starting to burn low in her belly as her body arched towards his, begging to be touched. Begging for more.
Everything about his touch was slow and deliberate. Gentle and soft, but no less demanding. From his lips gently exploring her mouth, her face, her neck, to the light stroking of his hand down her body, he touched her with deliberate care, and reverence. Finley felt him tug the hem of her tank top, and she raised her arms to help him pull it up and off. She reached over and pulled his t-shirt up and over his head. Her fingers traced his collar bone and then down the valley of his chest. His chest and abs were hard and unforgiving as she traced the lines of his body, enjoying the feel of him. Relishing the freedom to touch him, and explore him.
Finley felt his hand slide up her abdomen and cup her breast, rolling her nipple between his thumb and his forefinger, as his head bent down and his mouth found her other breast. He gently sucked on her nipple and grazed his teeth across her, giving her nipple a little tug eliciting a sharp intake of breath from her. Her hands raked through his silky hair tugging his head closer as she arched her back and pressed her breast against his hot mouth. Urging him to give her more. Her breasts felt heavy. Her nipples sensitive to the touch, and with each flick of his tongue across them, she felt an ache building in her core. When he sucked hard on her nipple, she felt a corresponding pulse deep within her. The sight of his dark head against her porcelain skin, as he feasted on her breasts, the guttural sounds of appreciation, caused heat to pool between her thighs as she ached and clenched, and wanted more.
Nikko raked her boxers down over her hips. Finley lifted her hips slightly as he pulled them all the way off. His hand cupped her and she cried out as Nikko slid one exquisitely long finger into her. Gliding in and out, crooking it forward and rubbing her sensitive spot, sending tremors through her. Finley's breath was coming in shallow pants and her skin was flushed with heat. She made a little sound of protest when he slid his finger out. She suddenly felt empty. Her muscles fluttering and begging for him to fill her again.
Nikko nudged her knees apart as he moved to position his body between her legs. He was sitting back on his haunches looking down on her.
"Open your legs for me." Nikko's velvet voice slid over, her making her skin tingle.
Finley let her knees fall open. She saw his gaze lower from her face to her sex, and watched his eyes darken.
"Wider. Spread your legs wider." Nikko's velvet voice was rough. "I want to see all of you." The command in his voice was unmistakable. A little thrill went through her.
Finley complied and spread her thighs wider apart. The air felt cool on her overheated skin. She had never spread her legs so obscenely wide in front of a man before. She could feel heat creep up her neck and flush her cheeks, as she felt a gush of wetness slick her thighs.
Nikko was staring at her with a burning intensity that both embarrassed her and ignited her. She could smell the scent of her arousal heavy in the air.
"God, Fin. You are beautiful." Nikko breathed as he thrust two fingers inside of her pulling them forward, massaging the sensitive spot just inside causing her to shudder against his hand and push down on him pleading for more. Nikko kept working his magic fingers in and out of her until her legs were quaking from need.
He lowered his mouth and flicked his tongue over her, causing her back to arch off the bed.
"Oh god." She exclaimed.
Nikko kept licking and gently sucking her as his fingers continue to glide in and out, the pressure building at the hard center of her pleasure. She lifted her hips to meet his eager mouth, until the dam broke and pleasure flooded through her sending her over the edge, with a sharp cry. She felt her whole-body quake from release. Nikko continued to gently suck and lick her until the last little quake passed and her breathing slowed. Nikko slipped his fingers out rubbing them over her sensitive and swollen nub. She gasped and shuddered.
"Wow." She breathed as Nikko kissed her in her most intimate of places and moved up her body, feathering kisses up to her belly button.
Nikko sat back on his haunches pulling down his sweats. His impressive erection popping free and jutting forward. Finley reached out and stroked his long length, earning a guttural groan from him.
Nikko hooked one arm behind each of her knees pushing her legs farther open and up towards her shoulders. Completely opening her to him and giving him complete control.
Finley had never been that exposed or that vulnerable before, and she felt a little flutter of fear and a tightening in her belly. But this was Nikko, and she trusted him completely. Her apprehension turned to anticipation as she felt his hard length nudge against her opening.
Nikko eased inside her with slow, deliberate thrusts. Pushing in an inch and pulling out, then pushing in again as he eased into her. It was exquisite torture as his long length filled her and stretched her. She felt impossibly full and he felt impossibly deep, but he wasn't yet all the way in.
Finley realized the position also allowed him to push deeper inside of her. Momentary panic washed through her and she felt herself tense.
Nikko was attuned to her body and stilled. He waited and let her body adjust and accommodate him. She knew that restraint was costing him. She could feel the corded muscled in his neck straining.
"Relax and let me in Fin." Nikko's voice brushed the shell of her ear.
The last of her fear eased and she felt the muscles in her thighs relax and soften and her legs fell open ever so slightly more and she felt Nikko push all the way in. She let out a startled little yelp when he pushed in as far as he could go, bumping up against the end. Not an unpleasant feeling, but not one she was used to. She didn't think any man had ever been this deeply buried inside of her, and a flood of arousal washed through her as she felt herself get impossibly wet. She could feel her arousal coating her thighs.
"God Fin, you feel amazing. So responsive." Nikko growled against her ear.
Instead of thrusting in and out, Nikko remained anchored deep inside of her and began gently rotating his hips, caressing her at her very core. The sensation was overwhelming. Finley had never felt something like that before. It was like Nikko was touching her soul. He was deep inside of her massaging and caressing her. A pleasurable ache began to build deep within. It felt like heat and pleasure radiating out from her very core through her entire body. Nikko was touching her in a way she didn't even know a man could touch her, both physically and emotionally. It felt like their broken, jagged pieces were caressing, healing, becoming smoother as their spirits danced and intertwined.
"Oh god Nikko, oh god, please don't stop." Finley babbled incoherently as her hands fisted and grasp at nothing, as the pressure continued to build. Almost without warning, she felt contractions of pleasure start deep inside of her and push out through her whole body. Every muscle in her body tensed as she arched off of the bed and her toes curled and wave after wave of intense pleasure washed through her. Her heart was pounding and her breathing ragged as she panted Nikko's name. Finley was pretty sure she blacked out for a second, as the world spun and little aftershocks ricocheted through her. It felt like her entire body was trembling from the aftershock.
Then something entirely unexpected happened. A flood of emotion overtook her and hot tears started leaking from her eyes. She felt overwhelmed and swamped by her emotions. Love, sadness, happiness all of them a swirling jumble of a mess.
"Nikko, I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm crying. That was." What was it amazing, life altering, magical? Finley really didn't know what to say.
Nikko just leaned down and kissed her tears away. "It's OK love, it's normal."
Finley had no idea how crying after the most earth shattering orgasm she'd ever had was normal, but she appreciated his acceptance, but then that was Nikko, which is probably why she'd trusted him so completely that she had let all of her fears and inhibitions go.
Nikko unhooked her legs from his arms, letting them down as he rolled them pulling her on top. He was still deep inside of her, filling her. He stroked his hand down her back and let her have her moment.
She quickly became aware of his hard length buried deep inside and desire started to build again, as she began to gently rock against him and then picked up the pace. Coming up and then slamming back down on him. Finley could feel Nikko pushing up and meeting her thrust for thrust.
"Fin, I'm not going to last." Nikko's voice sounded strained.
Finley felt him reach between them and begin to massage her with just the right amount of pressure. He used his other hand to tug and twist her nipple with just enough force that it hung in the balance between pleasure and pain.
"Oh fuck" she ground out as her orgasm roared through her like a freight train. Finley arched and threw her head back. She felt Nikko continuing to stroke her through her climax, wringing every last spasm from her body. A few more hard thrusts and she felt his release as he poured himself deep inside of her.
She fell forward with her arms on either side of his head, panting. She felt him kiss her neck and wrap his arms around her. Completely spent, with Nikko still buried deep inside, they drifted off into a dreamless sleep.
Finley blinked her eyes a couple of times. Light was just starting to filter through the windows. It was early morning. She moved her neck side-to-side working out the kinks. She looked down and Nikko's head was resting on her chest, his arm thrown across her middle.
Nikko was asleep. His breathing was slow and steady. Everything about him looked softer, younger. She smiled down at him and stroked her hand across his silky hair. She hoped he'd been asleep for a while. He definitely needed it. Maybe yesterday and last night had given him what he needed. Enough physical exhaustion to allow his brain to shut down for a while at least.
She sat there just studying him. He was so very complicated. Hard yet soft, ruthless yet kind. Practical yet sentimental. He was an impossible puzzle. Finley gently lifted his head up and slid out from underneath him. She put a pillow in place of her, easing his head down. He barely stirred, which was a testament to how tired he must really be, or the fact that he felt safe with her. Something she didn't want to examine too closely.
Nikko rarely let his guard down. She had a feeling something had fundamentally shifted between them yesterday. Finley had never felt so protective of anyone before. Which was kind of weird when she really thought about it. Nikko was probably the last person that needed protection from physical threats. Emotionally, on the other hand, she figured they both needed a friend. She'd never talked to anyone about what had happened with her stepdad, and she doubted many people knew what had happened to Nikko. Maybe Nikko was right. Maybe they could keep each other somewhat sane. Some days that would probably be a taller order than others.
She'd thought a lot about what Nikko had said about Declan and Michail. Logically speaking what he said made some sense, but it wasn't something she could ever do. She needed to make a decision, not that there was much of a decision to be made when it came to Michail. He wasn't offering anything but maybe the occasional night of great sex, and that would never be enough for Finley.
No, the decision she needed to make was about Declan. Either they were both all in or they needed to both move on. It wasn't a conversation she was really looking forward to, but it was one they needed to have. Declan would be home in a couple of days. Maybe she'd have it figured out by then. But right now, what she needed was coffee. Not that coffee would make everything right with the world, but it sure couldn't hurt.
Finley went to the kitchen. She tried to be as quiet as she could. The drawer opening sounded inordinately loud as it scraped along the runner, the spoon seemed to clang like a gong as she pulled it out. Even the water sounded like a raging waterfall as she filled the coffee pot. She grimaced a little, apparently it was a chicken and egg problem. Coffee was needed for stealth and stealth was needed for coffee. Her hands felt clumsy. Nikko might need his rest, but she definitely needed some caffeine, so she forged on.
She had just put the coffee in the filter and was getting ready to pour the water in when she heard Nikko's voice right behind her saying good morning. She gave a startled yelp. Damn Nikko and that panther stealth of his. The man moved silently. It was weird, like his feet weren't touching the ground or something. One of these days he was going to give her a heart attack sneaking up like that.
She felt Nikko run his hand down her arm and steady it so she didn't pour water everywhere. He took the coffee pot from her and poured in the water. She was still caged between him and the counter. She turned around and looked up at him. He looked better. A lot better. The little lines of fatigue around his eyes were gone, and he looked relaxed. The energy coming off of him was calm; not frenetic.
"Fin." He started.
Finley just reached up and pressed her fingertips to his lips. "Please don't say you are sorry or that last night was a mistake."
"No." His velvet voice wrapped around her. "I am definitely not sorry for making love to you last night. I would only be sorry if you regretted it. If I had hurt you in some way."
Nikko had said making love. The term hung out there between them, because they both knew that it was true. That is exactly what last night had been. It wasn't meaningless sex, they had made love. The awareness of that fact floated between them. Neither knowing exactly what to do about it.
"I've been sorry for a lot of things in my life Nikko, but that will never be one of them. I will never be sorry for that. It was." Her voice trailed off. It had been healing, cathartic, and so much more. "Beautiful and perfect." She settled on that.
He smiled at her and brushed a soft kiss across her forehead. "You are beautiful and perfect, and don't ever forget that."
She looked at him. Tears were shimmering in her eyes. She didn't say anything, and neither did he. She just let him see how she felt, and she saw the echo in his eyes. She wasn't really sure when Nikko had become her best friend that knew all of her secrets, but somewhere along the way it had just happened.
"Did you get some sleep." She finally asked.
Nikko took a step back. "I did. Thanks for putting up with me last night." Nikko locked eyes with her and gave her a bashful smile. "No more nightmares."
She smiled at him. "Anytime." And she meant it.
Something had been bugging her though. How did Nikko know she'd been with Michail? It was one thing for him to be at her apartment yesterday morning, it was another to know that she'd spent the night with Michail.
"How did you know I was with Michail?" Finley was studying him. He didn't look surprised by her question. He was probably wondering why it had taken her so long to ask.
"Probably the same way Declan knows where you are." Nikko told her and gave her a pointed look.
The bottom of Finley's stomach dropped out. Oh shit. Did that mean Declan already knew she'd spent the night with Michail. Finley thought she might vomit and her vision was tunneling a little but she forced herself to focus.
"What do you mean?" Her voice really did sound like a strangled animal.
Nikko gave her a look like he thought she might be a little daft. "Ivan Petrov tried to kill you."
"Yeah, but Ivan is dead." Finley had no idea what that had to do with the fact Nikko knew she'd spent the night with Michail.
"Yes." Finley could tell Nikko was struggling for patience. Apparently, he needed some coffee too.
"There are still men that are loyal to Ivan. Michail took a bullet for you. It wouldn't take much for one of Michail's enemies to put that together and figure out you are important to him. They might use you to get to him. Declan knows that. He's had a bodyguard on you since that night."
Finley just stared at him for a second. Declan had a bodyguard following her for a year. Her sleep fogged brain was struggling to process what Nikko was saying.
"Declan has a guard on me?" Her heart lurched an she fought the wave of rising panic.
Nikko nodded. "Yeah, and so do I." Michail probably did too, but he didn't think it was a good idea to point that out. Finley looked a little green around the edges.
Finley was dumbfounded. Nikko had said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. She had the urge to slap him, but just clenched her fist instead, willing her arms to remain at her side. He had someone following her and she was the one that was off her rocker? Now that was rich.
"But I've never seen them." Finley was pretty sure she could feel all the blood draining from her face.
It felt like a complete violation of her privacy, but she forced herself to look at it objectively from Nikko's perspective. And Declan's. Oh god, she really was going to be sick. She swallowed hard. What Nikko said made sense, she could see how someone might think she was a weakness that could be exploited against Michail. They'd probably be wrong, but she could see it.
Finley was well acquainted with the need for security protocols and the mechanics of them. As a child, she'd had a guard that took her to and from school every day to keep her safe from bad men. Well, until her father had been killed and her mother had shunned the McShanes. Ironic really when she thought about it. Then her mother had just married the predator. No one had been around to keep her safe from her mother's new husband. The supposed good guy. Finley shoved those thoughts away.
Nikko gave her the look that said of course she hadn't seen them. "I'd hope not, or they'd be unemployed." Nikko had said that like she really was bordering on stupid. Finley narrowed her eyes and gave him the death glare. Nikko had enough sense to look a little uncomfortable as he rocked back on his heels.
"It's just one guy, Fin. They stay far away. Their instructions are to stay at a distance and only interfere if something bad happens. No one wants you to feel caged in, we just want you to be safe."
Finley grasped the countertop for support. She was pretty sure her knees were going to buckle.
"We? You and Declan agreed to this?" She knew that was her voice, but it sounded far away.
"Fin, are you OK?" Nikko was looking at her with concern. "I just thought you knew. No one was going to let you be a target. I thought Declan talked to you about it. He said he would."
Finley thought about it. She realized he had in so many words. Declan had said he'd have someone watch out for her. She just didn't realize that meant she was being followed 24X7. Her stomach cramped. God, she was going to be sick.
Finley had flat out refused to go public with Declan because she didn't want a security detail. Turns out she had a stealth one all this time anyway. No, that wasn't exactly fair. Having one guy keep an eye on her was far less intrusive than an actual detail, but still there was someone watching her and reporting back to Declan. Everything she did, everywhere she went. Everyone she saw.
Finley could see understanding cross Nikko's face. "I wouldn't worry about the other night. Michail did a good job of getting you out of there without anyone seeing. My guy lost you. I know Declan's did too. We didn't even know Michail was in the building and no one was watching the back exit."
"So how did you find out?"
"When you didn't come out when the others left, I got worried. I asked some of the club staff. One of them saw Michail. I put two and two together or at least I hoped I did. I didn't know where you had gone." Nikko shrugged.
Finley let out a harsh breath. "And what about Declan's guy?"
Nikko crossed his arms over his chest and studied her for a minute. "I told him you had too much to drink, and that I had you at NNS Global. That you were staying the night, and I'd take over."
She bowed her head. Nikko had lied for her. She'd put him in that position and she felt bad about it. Of course, in her defense, it wasn't like she'd even known. She'd been very clear with Declan. They were dating, they were not in a relationship. If it had been anyone else but Michail, she wasn't sure it would be such a big deal. Then again, while she had insisted they weren't in a relationship, neither she nor Declan had dated anyone else.
"That's why you were waiting for me at my apartment." Finley realized she'd been at least partially responsible for Nikko not getting much sleep the night before. He'd been out hunting for her. Worrying about her.
"Yes, I wanted to make sure you were OK. I mean I figured you were with Michail, but I wasn't sure. I spent about twelve hours terrified out of my mind. Next time you should text." There was no heat to his words. Nikko wasn't angry with her, but he had been worried.
Finley nodded. "I will. I promise. I didn't know." Finley looked at Nikko studying him. "Why did you lie for me?"
"A lot of reasons I guess."
"Like?" She pressed.
"I figured Declan didn't need to find out about Michail that way." He shrugged. "It was your story to tell, and it was up to you, if you wanted to tell it. I didn't want one night, that might just be a mistake, to ruin things for you." Nikko locked eyes with her. "You and I both know one night, or two, shouldn't ruin a relationship. Even if those nights were definitely not a mistake."
Finley felt a flush wash over her. Yeah, she and Nikko knew all about that, and it was clear that is exactly what he was talking about. She and Nikko had done something stupid, but fortunately he had worked it out with Kate. Nikko was right. One mistake shouldn't ruin everything, but then there had been last night. Finley didn't know how last night factored into any of it. Something had shifted between her and Nikko, but she didn't know what that meant or if it meant anything. She got the feeling; he was lumping last night into the mix. A little wave of hurt pulsed through her and she looked away. Nikko had always been clear, he was not in play.
"Was Michail a mistake?" Nikko's voice was soft, probing.
Finley thought about it. God, she really didn't know. Her time with him had been amazing, but at what cost. Had one night been worth a thousand sleepless ones? Had one night been worth hurting someone that did care for her, that had been there for her over the last year. She really didn't know.
"Maybe yes, maybe no. Probably a little of both. I really don't know." Her answer was as jumbled as her thoughts, but at least it was honest.
Nikko chewed on that for a minute, but didn't say anything. Finley would have given a million dollars to know what Nikko was thinking, but his expression was unreadable.
"Are you going to see him again?" Nikko finally asked.
Finley's chin went up a notch. "I don't know."
"Your little adventure did expose a hole in our security. If that had been someone other than Michail, it would not have been good." Nikko raked his hand through his hair as he said it. "We are going to need to work out better protocols and tracking."
Finley wanted to be mad at the fact he had people following her, but Nikko had a point. She reached out and put her hand on his chest.
"I'm sorry I worried you. I guess I wasn't really thinking. We can work something out, but I just don't want it to be too intrusive."
Nikko took her hand and brought it to his lips. He kissed the delicate skin on her inner wrist. "Deal."
A skitter went through Finley. God, she thought. He reminded her so much of Michail or Michail reminded her so much of Nikko. They were alike in so many ways. Michail had done the same thing. That same gesture.
Apparently, Finley had a type, that was for sure. Now that she saw it, she couldn't unsee it. It made her uneasy. Was she drawn to Nikko because he was a substitute for Michail? Or, did she just have a thing for damaged, unattainable men. Because Finley was pretty sure, there was never going to be a substitute for Michail that would ever ease the ache in her. Right or wrong, she wanted Michail. All of him. She was a little afraid no one else would ever do.
The more unattainable the man the better apparently. Maybe that is what the attraction was. She couldn't have them, and that made them safe. Declan was attainable, but yet she refused to commit to him. Freud would have a field day with that one. Maybe it was time to stop playing in fantasyland and chasing doomsday orgasms, and start living in the real world. This wasn't a fairytale and she was no damn princess. Nikko's velvet voice yanked her out of her spiral.
"You might be interested to know what else I found out." Nikko told her. "Turns out that asshole Brock, had a little spate of bad luck. His daddy's Mercedes Maybach went missing from the valet lot, and poor Brock ended up in the emergency room with a pretty serious case of food poisoning. Funny isn't it, no one else came down with anything." Nikko was trying to suppress a smile and failing miserably.
Finley was pressed her lips together and toed the floor, trying not to laugh. OK so this is one of the reasons she loved Michail. Whoa, wait. Where had that thought come from. She wasn't in love with Michail. That had been lust, pure and simple. She gave her head a little shake. Maybe if she rattled her brain a little it would engage. It was just the lack of caffeine talking that was all.
"You wouldn't know anything about that would you?" Nikko asked her.
Finley looked at him and gave him her best doe eyed look. "Nope." The p made a little popping sound.
Nikko just laughed and shook his head. "You're the kind of woman men go to war over; I'll give you that."
They stared at each other for a minute. Unease rippled over her. She had a feeling Nikko was only half joking. Nikko was, as always, thinking about the angles and possibilities. The McShanes and the Petrovs going to war, was always a simmering possibility. Right now, Declan and Michail had an unspoken truce. With her in the middle, it was like adding gasoline to smoldering embers. Finley wasn't really sure what to say, so she said nothing.
"How about I make us some breakfast?" Nikko started moving towards the refrigerator.
Finley figured that sounded like a good idea, but a doomed one. Finley was pretty sure the only thing she had in the fridge was mustard, olives, and beer. Not even Nikko could make that work.
Nikko open the refrigerator and stood there a moment. She could see his eyebrows knitted together. He closed the door and stepped back.
"You have nothing in the refrigerator." He stated.
"That's not entirely true. I'm pretty sure there are olives in there." Finley was smiling at him.
"You don't even have cream for the coffee." He was eyeing her suspiciously because everybody knew the only people that drank black coffee were serial killers. And Ranger.
She gave a dismissive waive of her hand. "I think I have some of that powdered stuff somewhere."
The look of pure horror that crossed Nikko's face made her laugh. The man had probably lived off bugs and bark in a jungle somewhere, but powdered creamer was a problem. "Oh, come on, it's not that bad."
"Yeah, it is." Nikko reached out and grabbed her by the arm hauling her away from the cabinet. "Get dressed I'm taking you to breakfast. And be fast about it. I'm hungry."
"Yes sir." She gave him a little salute and headed to her bedroom.
"And then we are buying food." He called after her.
Finley was back in under five minutes. She'd pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and put her hair in a ponytail. She grabbed a hoodie on the way out the door. That was as good as this day was getting.
Finley and Nikko had breakfast at a little hole in the wall diner down the street and then stopped for some groceries. Nikko insisted she buy some vegetables and some cream. Those things were non-negotiable. She'd laughed at his insistence. Nikko, lord of the underworld, had been super picky about the produce too. He'd inspected every apple and every head of lettuce like he was judging best in show at Westminster.
They were walking back to her apartment carrying a couple of bags, when she noticed the three SUVs out front. All with blacked out windows, all running. The exhaust curled into the crisp morning air.
Finley's heart gave a little stutter and started to race. Declan was back. Shit, she was not ready to face him just yet. And, why was he here so early? It wasn't even eight yet. Finley felt her hands get clammy. She shifted the bag she was carrying and she wiped them on her jeans.
She felt Nikko's hand on the small of her back propelling her along. She didn't even realize she'd stopped until she felt the pressure of his hand urging her forward.
"Relax, love." Nikko's voice was low.
Finley watched as Declan got out of the middle SUV. His tall muscular body unfolding with ease and grace. As they drew closer, she could see him smile. That unruly lock of dark hair falling across his forehead. She couldn't help but smile back. She'd missed him.
Nikko and Declan nodded to each other. Declan said something to one of his guys. The man stepped forward and took the bag from her. She gave Nikko her keys so they could take the bags up to her apartment. Nikko locked eyes with her and gave her a look that said be cool. Don't act like an idiot. She thought that was fine advice, if only she could follow it. She'd already acted like an idiot with Michail, it was entirely possible the same would happen with Declan.
Declan was dressed in a perfectly tailored suit, that didn't have a wrinkle on it. He looked like he was on his way somewhere, not just getting back.
Finley felt a little awkward, like she didn't know what to do around Declan anymore. The feel of Michail's hands on her, the sound of his silky voice flashed through her head. She felt her cheeks heat. It was like Michail's brand was on her forehead. It took all her willpower not to touch her neck where he'd left marks. She saw Declan's eyes narrow a little, studying her. She could tell he was as confused by her response as she was, but then he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him, leaning in and giving her a kiss.
He smelled good, sultry with just a hint of citrus and he tasted just as good. She found herself wrapping her arms around him and leaning in. She'd definitely missed him. He felt comfortable and familiar. She felt herself relax into him. The tension easing out of her shoulders.
He finally pulled back and gazed down at her with those piercing blue eyes.
"I missed you lass."
"I missed you too." She whispered back.
She snuggled into him and he held her for a minute. Maybe this is where she was meant to be. Declan was here. Michail wasn't, and Nikko was unattainable. That was the story of her life.
"Why are you here so early?" She asked into his chest.
"I called, but your phone is off."
Oh shit, Finley thought. That's right. The battery was dead and she forgot to take it out and charge it.
"Battery." She replied.
"Ah, well I wanted to see you anyway. Unfortunately, I don't have much time. Just a couple of hours, before I have to head back out."
Finley pulled back from him. No wonder he was dressed. "You're leaving again?" She could almost hear the panic in her own voice. No, no, no. She needed Declan to be here with her. She needed to forget about Michail and she was deathly afraid that if Declan was gone, that wasn't going to happen.
"You just got back." She could hear the pleading tone of her voice.
"Aye, I'm sorry lass. It was last minute. Some supply problems." He gave her a helpless shrug. "I didn't want to leave without seeing you. I think we need to talk."
Talk? Oh shit, that was never good. In her experience, it usually meant something bad. Finley was terrified Declan knew. Her stomach clenched and she a suppressed shiver.
"Are you cold?" Declan was already taking off his jacket to wrap around her.
"What do we need to talk about?" Dread gnawed at her insides.
Declan tucked a wisp of hair that had escaped her ponytail behind her ear. "Us, lass. We need to talk about us."
Finley stood frozen. Declan wanted to talk about the two of them. Surely, he knew. That is why he was here. To end things. Not that she could blame him. She felt her heart give a little squeeze and she looked down unable to meet his eyes. She'd done this herself.
She felt his finger under her chin and he lifted her face to look at him. Concern was in his blue eyes. She felt her lower lip quiver.
Declan leaned down and brushed a soft kiss across her lips. "Finley, it's nothing bad."
Finley looked at him confused.
"Come on." He wrapped his arms around her tugging her towards the door. "Can we go up to your apartment?"
"Oh, of course. Sorry, I guess I'm still reeling from the fact you are here, but you are leaving again." Finley figured that was as good a cover as any. Mainly because it was mostly true.
Declan and Finley went upstairs to her apartment. Nikko had just finished putting the groceries away. She noticed his go bag was missing. She had no idea what he'd done with it. Probably shoved it under some piece of furniture.
Nikko's gaze scanned between the two of them. "Fin, I'll call you later. Think about those schematics and let me know." Nikko looked at his watch. "I'll need an answer by 11 am."
"Sure, no problem." Finley replied.
Apparently, Nikko had enough sense for both of them. He knew Declan wouldn't be pleased with the fact that Nikko had spent the night. She was grateful to him. She really didn't need yet another thing to explain to Declan, and frankly she didn't even know how she would explain it anyway.
Nikko let himself out of the apartment, and then it was just Finley and Declan. Finley resisted the urge to cross her arms over her chest.
"Do you want some coffee?" She asked instead. Maybe if she kept herself busy, she wouldn't blurt out something stupid. The odds weren't good, but she could hope.
Declan shook his head. "No, I've had way too many cups of coffee already this morning." He held out his hand to her. "Let's have a seat."
Finley sat down at the kitchen table and forced herself to wait. If Declan wanted to talk, then Declan could talk.
Declan pushed the unruly lock of hair on his forehead back. A sure sign he was nervous.
"Being away from you this week was really hard. It made me think about some things." Declan reached out and took her hand. "It's been a year lass. We have been dating a year, and I don't want to just date anymore. I want us to take the next step. I want us to be in a relationship. Maybe even move in with me. I know it's a big step, but I love you Finley."
Finley thought Declan sounded like he was trying out the word love. He knew it was more than casual between them, but he didn't know what to label what he felt. Maybe he thought it was what she needed to hear.
It seemed like all the air had just been sucked out of the room. Declan had just said he was in love with her, and all Finley could do was stare at him and try not to faint.
Declan was watching her closely. "At least think about it." He hedged.
"But what about Natasha?" Finley blurted out.
Declan looked at her confused. Like he thought she might have a head injury. "What about Natasha?" Declan asked cautiously.
"I saw you in the locker room that morning Declan. I've seen the bird tattoo."
Declan nodded. "Is that what this last year has been about? You think I have a thing for Natasha?"
"Don't you?"
Declan just shook his head. "No."
"Then what has it been about?" Finley asked. "There are a lot of walls up between us Declan."
"You're right. And we do need to talk about that. But Finley it hasn't really been about Natasha for me, it was more about Michail."
Finley's whole body flashed hot, and she saw little spots of light dance in front of her eyes for a second. "Michail?" She croaked out.
Declan blew out a harsh breath. "Aye, lass. Look I know Michail took a bullet for you. Michail was willing to die to try and protect you. You attacked Ivan to protect him. You can't tell me that he didn't feel something for you, that you didn't feel something for him."
Finley thought about it for a minute. "I don't know." She was lying. She had a feeling they both knew it.
"I know. And that's why I wanted to give you time. Time to figure it out. I didn't want to pressure you into a relationship. And I don't want to be your second choice. Finley, I wanted you to be with me because you wanted to. I didn't want you to have regrets or doubts. This life, it can be a lot. You know that."
Of all the things Finley had been expecting, that was not it. She really didn't know what to say.
Declan pressed on. "It's been a year, and I know you haven't been in contact with Michail, so I guess what I'm asking is are you ready to move on with me. Are you sure?"
Finley was just staring at him. She swallowed past the lump in her throat. This whole year she thought the walls between them were about Natasha. Declan was right, she hadn't been in contact with Michail until two days ago, and then the contact went from 'hey how are you doing' to no-holds-barred scorch- the-earth-sex.
Was she ready to move on with Declan? Three days ago, the answer would have been yes, now she really didn't know. It wasn't like there was something to move on to with Michail, but suddenly he was front and center in her thoughts again.
"What do you want to know about Natasha?" Declan asked changing tactics.
"Everything." Finley replied.
Declan gave her a smile. "OK, fair enough."
Declan shoved the lock of hair back again. "I met Natasha when she was fifteen. Nikko had stolen a shipment from my dad, and his enforcers had picked up Natasha and Nikko. They'd worked them over pretty well. They should have never taken Natasha and they definitely shouldn't have hurt her. That's not who we are and they should have known better. No matter about that, I guess. Natasha begged me to let Nikko go. I asked her why I should do that."
"You were going to kill him?" Finley asked. She pretty much knew the answer, and it made her a little sick to her stomach.
Declan nodded. "Probably."
She appreciated his honesty, even if it did make her queasy.
"But you didn't kill him because of Natasha. Why?"
"Natasha stood right there and bargained with me for his life. She laid out this entire plan, and how it would benefit both of us. Her plan had real merit. It had been genius really."
"And you agreed." Finley guessed.
"Aye. It made sense. Nikko took the idea to Ciro and I took it to my dad. We worked it out, and we have been allies ever since."
"But you had feelings for Natasha."
"Aye, I did. I'd never met someone quite so fierce, so loyal. She was smart, she was strong, and she was like a mama bear when it came to Nikko. I'm pretty sure she would have taken on the entire McShane organization if she had to. She was magnificent. She was also fifteen." Declan stopped and gave Finley a pointed look.
"I was only twenty-two, but I don't mess with underage girls. Besides Nikko was adamant that I stay away from her. I can't and I won't deny the pull I felt to her was absolutely magnetic. I'd never felt like that before, and frankly I didn't understand it. It was instantaneous."
Finley could relate. She'd felt exactly the same about Michail.
Declan continued. "I told myself that it was just silly, and it would go away." Declan shrugged. "It didn't. But I kept my end of the bargain and stayed away from her. I figured she'd be eighteen in a few years, and if I still felt the same way and she did too, then we'd see. I never got that chance. She took up with Ranger, married him actually, and then just disappeared. I had no idea where she went, and no one else seemed to know either.
When I saw her last year, it was the first time I'd seen her in more than a decade. I was caught off guard. I probably didn't handle it all that well. She turned out to be even more than I ever expected her to be, and she's married so that was the end of that. And I met you, or I guess I should say I met you as an adult."
Finley kind of felt the meeting her part seemed like an afterthought, but she understood, sort of.
"Do you still feel the same way about her?" Finley hated that her voice quaked just a little.
"No, but I won't lie and say when I saw her, I didn't hope we might have a chance. I did. I thought maybe we would finally get to explore what was between us. It wasn't meant to be, and I've moved on. So has she. Sometimes, the timing is just off. That's all."
Well, that had felt a little like a kick to the gut. Finley appreciated that he was being honest, even if it felt like a thousand little cuts.
Finley could certainly appreciate what he was saying. What scared her was the thought that she might still feel the same way about Michail in ten years as she did now. Would she be like Declan and regret not giving it a shot. Not trying.
"But you got the tattoo for her." It was a statement not a question.
Declan shook his head. "No, not really." He thought about it for a second. "Maybe in a way. I got the tattoo because of what it symbolizes. Family and loyalty. I'd never seen such loyalty as I did between her and Nikko, but that tattoo wasn't to remind me so much about her, as it was to remind me how important those things were. One day I wanted to be with a person that felt that way about me."
"And you thought it might be her?"
"I did."
"I've seen you rub that tattoo Declan." It was clear Finley didn't completely buy that story.
Declan's startled eyes locked with hers. "Aye, lass. I've been thinking about having it removed or covered over because it seemed to bother you so much."
Finley looked at him for a beat. "Oh."
Declan shook his head and brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. "I'm sorry Finley. I can tell I didn't do things right, that I didn't make you feel as comfortable and secure as I should have this last year. I just thought you needed space. I thought you needed time to process your feelings for Michail."
Finley started to defend herself, but Declan held up his hand. "I understood your feelings for Michail. I'm not saying they are wrong. I've been there. I didn't want to be your consolation prize. That's all."
Finley wrapped her arms around him. "God, Declan you're nobody's consolation prize." She kissed his head. That had been hard to hear, but he had been honest about it. She didn't know exactly how she felt about the Natasha thing. It was pretty clear, if Natasha had been available or given him a chance, Finley wouldn't have stood one.
Declan was also right about Michail. She did have feelings. The only problem was she hadn't processed them. She thought she had, until they'd spent the night together and now, they were a tumbled, jumbled, crazy mess.
He pulled back. "So, what do you think?"
"I think you are amazing, and I think it is a lot to think about." Finley knew that was not a real answer and she was hedging, but she really did need time to think.
Declan nodded, and looked at his watch. "When does your internship start?"
"In about three weeks." Finley replied.
"How about you come with me? I have some business, but we could also just spend some time together. Do some tourist things, take a mini-break."
Finley smiled. "That sounds good. I have that orientation, meet and greet thing tonight for the law firm, but I could fly out to meet you in a couple of days."
She saw relief cross his face. "I'd like that."
Declan leaned forward and gave her a kiss. A deep, passionate kiss. Finley felt warmth in her belly as desire swirled through her. Yeah, maybe Declan was the right choice. He was here, he wanted her, they could be together and he was pretty great.
"I wish I had more time." He growled up against her lips. "But I have to go."
He stood up and pulled her up with him. "I love you Finley. I hope you know that."
"I do." But somehow Finley just couldn't say the words back. Declan didn't seem to notice or if he did, he hid it well.
"Two days, I can't wait. Then I get to have you all to myself." Declan gave her one more hard kiss, and left.
She smiled as she watched him go. Maybe some time away with Declan would be just what she needed to get her head on straight.
She understood about Natasha, but she had to admit she still felt a little like she was a distant second. Maybe you only got one great all-consuming love, and few people ever connected that way. Maybe she was like everybody else, and it was enough to have a good relationship with an amazing man. She did love Declan. But Nikko had been right. It was different than how she felt about Michail. If she was honest, it was different than how she felt about Nikko too. She pushed Nikko out of her head. He was a complication she didn't need and couldn't afford. Whatever was between them had to stay in the box. Nikko was with Kate, working on his own demons.
The problem with Michail was that kind of love, obsession, and desire could be destructive. Finley needed safe. She needed dependable. She needed Declan.
She also needed to charge her stupid phone and buy some clothes. She'd totally forgotten about that meet and greet tonight. She figured she could manage to buy at least one outfit today. Tomorrow, when the world wasn't quite so crazy, she would go shopping for some more clothes. Maybe tomorrow she would have more time and motivation. She wanted to pick up a few things for her trip with Declan anyway.
Finley found her clutch and pulled out her phone and plugged it in. It was completely dead. She figured she would just let it charge while she went shopping. She looked at the phone Michail gave her. Nothing. Not that it was surprising.
Finley squared her shoulders. She'd text Michail a thank you, and then she would put the phone away and check it once a day instead of obsessively. She sighed. What she really needed to do was cut contact with Michail.
If she was going to be with Declan, she was going to be with Declan. She didn't need flirty texts with Michail messing with her head. Maybe she'd tell Michail that. She looked at the phone debating. The cool plastic sitting in her hand mocking her as it sat there mute. She tossed it on the counter. No, she'd deal with that later too. There was something to be said for putting off the inevitable.
She grabbed her wallet and headed out.
Finley was not a woman that enjoyed shopping, all it ever did was stress her out. She especially hated malls, but they did offer the most stores in the smallest radius. She was only on her third store and already it felt like her skin was breaking out in hives. She kept pulling at the neck of her t-shirt. What had been comfortable this morning felt like it was all but strangling her.
Since she didn't think jeans or cargo pants would ever fall in the realm of acceptable for the event, she kept digging. She felt like a squirrel desperately digging for a lost cache of nuts.
She finally found what was purported to be a washable silk button up shirt in off-white and a peachy nude pencil skirt. While she was a little dubious about the washable part, she quickly tried them on. They fit well. The skirt made her look like she had a figure, and the shirt didn't gape in front when she moved. She figured that was about the best she could hope for. These would work. Finley was rapidly getting to the end of her patience, and if she didn't get out of the mall she might resort to violence. The look was not too formal, but not casual. A decent choice for office wear and boring lawyer types.
Her thoughts went to Michail. He was right. She really didn't fit in with boring lawyer types, but then again, she didn't really fit in with him either. Like so much of her life, she was stuck between two worlds, fitting into neither. She pushed the thought away. She had one more stop to make at the lingerie department. She needed a camisole for the so-called washable silk shirt, unless she wanted to treat everyone to a view of her bra.
Thankfully finding a suitable camisole was a breeze. She grabbed the clothes and went to pay. She was already kind of dreading the fact she had to do more shopping tomorrow so she treated herself to a large mocha frappe.
As she slurped the frappe down with unbridled bliss, ignoring the looks thrown her way, she thought about Declan. And, she thought about Michail. She'd taken a little detour with the Michail thing, but now she was back on track. She was going to make things work with Declan. It was a good choice, a solid choice. A whisper of a thought went through her head and she quickly banished it. She was just a little afraid that every time she made love with Declan, she'd be thinking about Michail. Comparing them.
Exactly nothing had prepared her for Michail. Declan was good, very good. He was kind, thoughtful. But Michail, yeah, he was like pure, raw, sheet clawing sex. He'd touched a part of her that she didn't even know existed. At this moment, she couldn't even imagine ever being with someone else and not thinking about him.
She remembered the look on his face, when he had said "I want you to remember that you are mine." That is what he had said to her. A little shiver went up her spine. He'd meant it, and he'd been right. Everything about that terrified her.
Finley pushed the thoughts away and yanked up her bags. The day was marching on and she had things she needed to do.
She hopped on the metro headed back to her apartment. As soon as she got in, she was going to text Michail. She'd thank him for the clothes and let him know she was leaving with Declan. The meaning of that should be self-explanatory. She'd put that to bed. Finley groaned out loud and the guy next to her on the metro gave her a look like she might be dangerous. She gave him a half-hearted smile. What she really wanted to do was give him the finger. She was over here having a mental breakdown, the least he could do was mind his own business. The very thought of put it to bed, had taken her thoughts to Michail's oh so perfect naked body.
She could feel his hands on her, his mouth, the way he moved. She could hear the silkiness of his voice, and how it changed and became huskier and rougher. She was getting turned on just thinking about it. She could feel the flush to her skin, the dampness, the longing.
Finley wondered if this was how it was going to be. She was cursed, doomed really. Her bad judgement had led her here. She was the one that had practically mauled him in the back of the limo. Michail would have been perfectly fine with a platonic evening, but no she couldn't manage that. Nope, she had to rub all over him. She'd yanked on the tail of a tiger and then been surprised when she got bit.
Her hand involuntarily went to her neck where he had left marks. A deep longing settled low in her belly. She was going to miss him.
When she got back to her apartment, she checked her phone. True to his word, she had several missed texts and calls from Declan from earlier. Her heart gave a little tug. She'd been unfair to him.
She had a text from Nikko asking her if she was alive. She texted him back and told him all was good. She'd found his go bag stuffed into the cabinet. She didn't tell him about Declan, she wasn't sure why.
Finley looked over at the phone Michail had given her with the same look she might give a two-headed snake. It was time. Time to be an adult. Time to stop pretending fairytales were real. Time to text Michail and end this thing. Whatever this thing was. It wouldn't matter to him, probably. They'd had great sex and he'd been considerate. That didn't mean he was in love.
Finley forced herself to pick up the phone and open it. She took a deep breath and scrolled to the texting app. There, winking at her, was the one text Michail had sent her yesterday morning. God, that seemed like a lifetime ago.
She figured she had a pretty good idea of what the text said, but she decided to translate it anyway. Finley picked-up her phone and opened a translation app, typing in the characters.
The translation came up and Finley sucked in a sharp breath. Her vision tunneled and she sat down, hard. She was pretty sure she was going to hyperventilate so she pushed her head between her knees and breathed for a moment, willing herself to calm down. It was just a mistake. It had to be. She could swear she could see every fiber of the crappy industrial beige carpet on the floor as she willed herself not to faint.
She must have mis-typed. She looked again. Her hand was shaking so bad she kept hitting the wrong keys, but finally she got it re-typed. The translation remained the same.
"Я влюбля́юсь в тебя́ ка́ждый день. – I'm falling in love with you every day."
Oh god, she thought. Now what was she going to do.