Chapter Eight

Finley looked over at the phone Michail had given her for the hundredth time, maybe the thousandth. She'd lost count. She had obsessively checked it last night and then again this morning. It was sullenly silent. Taunting her. Reminding her how badly she'd fucked up.

Nikko always said never go into a negotiation without knowing your walk away point. Apparently, she and Michail had found theirs. He had been all in, and now he was all out. And that was just that. It was time to accept that, pick herself up and get on with it.

When she thought it through, it was really just as well. A relationship with him would have never worked anyway. Probably. Finley sighed. Tomorrow she would fly out and spend time with Declan, agree to a relationship, and get over Michail. That was the plan. So why did that thought make her sick to her stomach. She was rapidly rethinking the Declan plan.

Declan had asked for just one thing. He didn't want to be a consolation prize. He'd given her space and time to explore her feelings for Michail precisely so she didn't enter into a relationship with him with doubts still tickling at the back of her mind. He wanted her to be sure about what she wanted. Finley knew she had done a poor job of figuring things out when it came to Michail, but one thing was clear. Declan wasn't the right answer either.

After last night, it felt like she was treating Declan as a consolation prize, as a fallback. He was a safe option rather than a choice, and that was not fair. When she thought there was a real possibility with Michail, she'd been all in. Declan didn't even cross her mind, there had been no hesitation. Things in life rarely got any more transparent than that.

The right answer was to end her relationship with Declan. Not because of Michail, because that fantasy was over, but because it was the right thing to do. She wasn't being fair to Declan and he deserved a lot more than she was giving him. It was far better to end it now than to continue to pretend. Let them both get in farther, cutting deeper when things ended, because they would.

Declan was a great guy and she loved him. Just not enough. She had no doubt Declan loved her too, but she wasn't sure he loved her enough either. Somehow the specter of Natasha still floated around the edges, and she was afraid it always would. Declan could say what he wanted. He might even be trying to convince himself it was true, but Finley had seen them that morning in the locker room. In the year she had been with him, Declan had never once looked at her the way he looked at Natasha. Natasha was Declan's Michail. That was pretty clear. Finley didn't want to be anybody's consolation prize either.

This was nobody's fault. They had both gone into things with their eyes open and the best intentions, but sometimes fate just had different ideas. She needed to end things with Declan. She thought it was possible he might even be relieved. Declan probably knew this wasn't really working either. She hoped maybe one day they could be friends when some of the sting of it all wore off. Only time would answer that question.

She sat with that for a while. It definitely felt like the right thing to do. She had a feeling Declan already knew the truth. He'd felt her slipping away, which is why he had pushed the decision, and shown up at her apartment. He needed an answer. Declan was a smart man.

Finley blew out a long breath. It was a good decision. She could feel it. The tension in her body eased a little. She would talk to Declan after his day was over. Even though the news probably wouldn't shock him, she didn't want to interrupt him in the middle of meetings and drop this little bomb on him. There was a five-hour time difference between them, so she still had a few hours. It would be good to mull it over a little more, but she didn't expect her decision to change. A calm was settling over her. It didn't feel like a rash decision. It felt like one that had been a long time coming.

She'd planned to go shopping today to find suitably boring clothes for her summer internship. The thought of going to the mall left a stabbing pain behind her eyeball. Now that she wouldn't be meeting Declan, she had time. Finley was definitely not up for another hellish day of shopping. Maybe she would just sit on the sofa and do nothing. Somehow doing nothing sounded good.

Finley had just settled in with a cup of tea and a book when the doorbell rang. She considered just ignoring it, but the ringing was persistent. She hauled herself up muttering to herself about patience being a virtue. Clearly whoever was on the other side of that door, didn't have a virtue to their name the way they kept ringing that damn bell.

She yanked open the door. Dimitri was standing there looking irritated, which was pretty much his default expression, so it didn't really give much away.

They just stared at each other. Dimitri wasn't much of a talker, but he was the one standing at her door, ringing the bell like a crazed stalker. Logically speaking it was his move, so she waited.

She heard the ding of the elevator and poked her head out. The doors opened and some guy was rolling a rack of clothes down the hall.

"Delivery." Dimitri said in his standard monotone. He pushed past her into the living room making way for the guy to roll in the rack. Finley stepped back to let him in. It was either that or be mowed down.

"What is this?" Finley asked as she eyed the rack.

Dimitri just shrugged and gave her a sour look.

Oh, goody she thought. Dimitri couldn't just interrupt her morning and barge his way in her apartment like a normal circus freak, no Dimitri had to be surly too. Finley prayed for patience and blew out a breath. "If you have something to say Dimitri, just spit it out. Please, don't keep me in suspense."

She saw Dimitri's eyes narrow a little. "You're being unfair."

Finley folded her arms across her chest. "Unfair?" She challenged. What seemed unfair was that Michail didn't understand she didn't want to see him hurt. She wanted to keep him safe, but yet she was unfair. Unfuckingbelievable.

"Yes."

Ok, Finley thought this was an illuminating conversation, but one she had no time or inclination to have if she had to pull everything out in one-word answers.

"Unfair how?" She gritted out between her teeth, her patience was fraying with each passing minute.

"Michail couldn't save his mother. He carries a lot of guilt about that. Asking him to promise that he wouldn't do whatever it took to save you. It's not fair."

Ok, so that had felt a lot like a blow to the face. Dimitri had a point. A very good point. She hadn't even considered how his mother's death might affect him. How it might taint his beliefs, his actions.

"Dimitri, I'm not trying to be unfair. I'm not trying to hurt him. I can't be the reason he gets hurt again." Dimitri had been there. He knew what happened, he'd watched with the same shock and horror as the rest of them.

Dimitri rolled his eyes, like full on rolled his eyes. "That is Michail's choice. There are many dangers every day."

Finley cocked her head and pursed her lips a little. Dimitri had a point. There were a lot of dangers in Michail's life and she wasn't really at the top. Car bombs, assassinations, poisoning probably topped the list. Followed by stabbing, beating, and possibly the occasional FBI raid.

"Finley." Dimitri actually saying her name, startled her. "You are the reason Michail is alive. You don't think that night doesn't bother him. That he doesn't run through the thousand scenarios that could have unfolded. The ones where Ivan could have shot you." Dimitri just shook his head. It was clear, he was definitely in the camp that thought Finley was an idiot. Finley thought it was entirely possible Dimitri was right.

"Look, he could have just lied to you. Agreed with you. Told you what you wanted to hear. Just got what he wanted, but he didn't. He told you the truth. That is the kind of man he is and you walked out on him." Dimitri gave her a once over. "Maybe Michail deserves better."

Finley gave him the death glare. The corner of Dimitri's mouth twitched up.

"Or maybe the two of you need to learn to bend or you will both break." Dimitri turned on his heel and walked to the door stopping. "This is a big step for him. He's been alone a long time. Sometimes compromise isn't easy, but I promise you he is worth it." Dimitri shrugged and walked out of the door closing it with a soft click.

Finley stood there staring after him. Who would have thought Dimitri would be a sage. An ache spread through her. OK so maybe Dimitri had a point. Maybe she had messed up. Maybe they both had, but it didn't really matter. What was done was done. Finley had never been good at compromise, and she had a feeling Michail wasn't either. She was deathly afraid they would be the rock upon which the other bashed against and broke apart.

Maybe Finley just wasn't cut out for relationships. Maybe Michail wasn't either. She wondered if instinctively they had both known that, and that is why they shied away from entanglements. It was an act of self-preservation.

Finley walked over to the rack and unzipped one of the bags. It was a gorgeous sheath dress in pale pink. She unzipped another bag and then another. Bag after bag filled with outfits for work. Every single one of them either with a skirt or a dress. Finley couldn't help but smile and give a little shake of her head. Michail hadn't been kidding about the skirts. All of the clothes were beautiful and tasteful. She wondered when he had arranged all this, and why.

There was just one problem she could see with accepting his gift. Every time she got dressed and pulled on one of these amazing outfits, she would think of him. She would think about what she had lost and miss him. She couldn't help but wonder if that had been the point.

Finley heard the soft chime of the doorbell. She was a little afraid it was another delivery but she opened the door anyway. It was Nikko. He was lounging up against the doorframe.

Nikko was studying her; he was doing that thing where he was prying into her mind and reading her thoughts. Finley couldn't help but cross her arms over her chest. It was a defensive gesture and she knew it was not lost on Nikko.

"I'm always glad to see you, but why are you here?" Finley asked.

"I had some news you might find interesting." Nikko told her and handed her a piece of paper as he came inside and closed the door.

Finley looked at the paper, reading it over. It was an arrest report. Her startled eyes locked with Nikko. "Did you do this?" Her voice was barely audible.

Nikko shook his head. "No, I just got in and took a peek around, found what I figured was there, and then made sure it showed up on the right people's radar."

Finley couldn't believe it. Her stepfather had been arrested and charged with the possession of child pornography. Other charges of sex with underage girls were likely. He was disgraced. His reputation ruined. He was definitely going to jail.

Everything seemed really far away for a moment as she processed what she was reading. An eye for an eye. Nikko understood.

"Fin, I know it doesn't make things right, and he isn't paying for what he did to you. That he won't answer for that, but at least he won't hurt anyone else."

Finley wrapped her arms around Nikko. "I love you. You know that, right. I'm so lucky to have you as my friend."

Nikko hugged her back. "No, love. I'm the lucky one." Nikko just held her and stroked her hair for a few minutes, letting her process her thoughts, her feelings. This day had been a long time coming.

Finley could feel the rage, the guilt, and the shame roiling through her. Bubbling like a festering cauldron. Over the years it had leaked into her life far too many times. Ruined far too many things. Maybe now she could really start to put it behind her. She knew this wouldn't fix everything, but the fact he was getting his comeuppance went a long way to help.

Finley wasn't sure if it was the fact he had been arrested and charged, or the fact Nikko was wrapped around her, giving her strength, but she felt a measure of calm and peace float over her, and she exhaled all the tension and bitterness. She felt like she had been holding her breath and waiting to exhale for a decade.

After a couple of minutes, Nikko let her go and stepped back. She saw Nikko's eyes scan the rack with all the garment bags. He gave her a questioning look.

"Michail." She explained.

Nikko nodded. "I thought it might be things for your trip with Declan. You leave tomorrow, right." It was clear Nikko thought that might not be the case.

Finley looked down and toed the carpet, scrunching up her nose. "I don't know. I don't think I'm going."

Nikko just waited.

"I saw Michail last night." Something Nikko clearly already knew. "He said he was falling in love with me. He wanted to have a relationship, and I said yes."

"So, you chose Michail?" Nikko asked cautiously. No one could ever say Nikko didn't have great instincts.

"Yes, I did. I wanted to, but no, I said no." Finley stammered. "But I realized if I went to Ireland to be with Declan, I was settling and that wasn't fair to either one of us."

Nikko's eyebrows went up. "You're going to have to explain that."

Finley shook her head. "It's simple really. I thought about what you said. That someone could use me to get to Michail. I wanted him to promise, that if they did, he wouldn't trade himself to save me. He said no. He wouldn't make that promise."

She could see Nikko visibly tense. "Fin, that's not what I meant."

"What do you mean?" She was assessing him.

"When I said you could be used against him, that's true. But it wasn't about Michail, well it wasn't only about Michail. It's true for all of us. Me, Declan, or Michail. Anyone we care about is a weakness that could be exploited. My only point was why having security is important. So, we don't have to face that possibility."

Nikko blew out a frustrated breath. "I wasn't saying you were a detriment to him, or any of us. Sure, Michail's situation is a little more volatile right now, but that could change in a heartbeat. Tomorrow I might be the one with the bigger threat. Or Declan. The goal was not to stop living or create a bubble. It was to take the necessary precautions so you can live your life, with the people you want to live it with."

"But what if someone does take me? I don't want him hurt again because of me. I don't want that hanging over my head."

"Fin, that's not your call to make. It's not your choice. That's a decision we all get to make for ourselves, if the worst happens." Nikko had her by the shoulders and gave her a little shake, like he was trying to shake some actual sense into her. Finley figured it was a fine goal, but he might need to shake a little harder. She was beginning to realize she'd been completely daft about the whole thing.

Nikko was right. She could be used against any one of them including Nikko. Kate could be used against Nikko or Natasha. Nikko, Natasha, Kate, Steph and Ranger, they had all figured it out. They all took precautions, but they still moved on with their lives. They managed the risk, they didn't just bury their head in the sand.

Nikko and Declan had been managing her for a year. She just hadn't known it. Maybe she'd never really thought it through like she should have. Admittedly she'd just reacted last night. Her actions and behavior with Michail had been rash, and now she was afraid it was too late. She had already burned the bridge and lit the village on fire.

It was as if Nikko read her mind. "It's not too late. Just talk with him."

Finley was shaking her head, tears shining in her eyes. "No, it's over. It's better this way."

Nikko pulled her back into his arms, and rested his chin on her head. "Love, it doesn't feel like this is better. If you have a shot at happiness with Michail, you need to take it. If you think you might love him."

"I think I do." She whispered against his chest.

Nikko's phone buzzed. Nikko looked at the display. "I'm sorry Fin, I have to go. I'll be back as soon as I can."

"It's OK, I'm fine." She said as she wiped her eyes on her sleeve.

Nikko gave her a look, like he didn't quite believe her.

Finley sat in her silent apartment, staring at the stupid beige carpet. Wondering. Should she text Michail? Maybe they should talk. But he'd shut down on her. He'd let her walk out. And she had. Was that the problem? She was mad that he was a stubborn as she was? Maybe. She was one giant mess.

Her doorbell chimed and she groaned. Unless it was the food fairies delivering a pint of ice cream, she really wasn't in the mood.

Finley got up and trudged across the room. She took a deep breath and opened the door.

Her eyes widened in surprise. It was Michail. He looked like hell. It was pretty clear he hadn't gotten much sleep. The bruise on his cheek was more pronounced, and his mouth was set in a grim line. He'd been running his hand through that luxurious mane of hair over and over, and it was a tousled mess.

Finley desperately wanted to grab him by the shirt and haul him into her apartment and never let him go. Instead, she just stood there.

"May I come in?" He asked. His silky voice was a little rough from fatigue.

Finley nodded and opened the door wider.

Michail seemed agitated. His eyes cut to the rack of clothes.

"Thank you." Finley motioned to the rack with her head. "There are probably thirty outfits."

"Yes, only six weeks' worth, you'll have to recycle some of them." He said distractedly.

"No, I didn't mean it wasn't enough. It was very generous, and they are beautiful, but why?"

"You don't like to shop." He said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"How do you know that?" Finley asked. Then she held up her hand in a stop gesture. "Never mind."

Michail was just giving her the look. Of course, Michail knew she didn't like to shop. His guys had been following her for a year.

"It's too much. I really can't accept them." What Finley wanted to say was she didn't want to spend every day thinking about Michail. Thinking the soft whisper of the fabric reminded her of his touch. Yeah, that's what she really wanted to say.

Michail's eyes focused in on her. "Nothing will ever be too much for you."

No matter how many times that gaze settled on her, her breath always gave a little hitch. She really wanted to ask why he was here. What that meant. She refrained; he'd tell her in his own time. Besides the longer he stalled, the longer he stayed. And, Finley really wanted him to stay. She wished she could just say that, but pride and fear kept her silent.

Michail took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair again. "I know I made the first mistake of our relationship last night."

"Our relationship?" Did Michail just say relationship, like it was already a thing. A foregone conclusion.

"Yes, krasotka. I underestimated how stubborn you can be."

Finley's eyebrows went up. "How stubborn I can be?" She put her hands on her hips and waited.

The corner of Michail's mouth twitched up and a ghost of a smile played across his lips.

"Yes." Michail shrugged. "And, I failed to find a suitable compromise."

Finley eyed him suspiciously. "And you are willing to compromise?"

"I don't want to, but yes, for you." His voice trailed off. The implication was clear. There really wasn't anything Michail wouldn't do for her.

Finley felt her stomach drop, and it suddenly felt hard to breathe.

"What do you propose?" She could barely get the words out.

"It is dvoinoy." Michail gestured with his hand looking or the right word. "It is twofold."

Michail rubbed the back of his neck like he was trying to ease some of the tension. "You accept more security, so we avoid potential problems and deal with any potential threats."

"How much more?" She asked cautiously.

"A driver and two at a distance. More at certain functions or if there is a reason to think things are more volatile than normal."

"And?" She prompted. Because that didn't exactly sound like twofold or a compromise.

"If you are taken, Nikko is in charge of your recovery."

"Why Nikko?" Finley asked.

"Simple. He cares about you so he would put your welfare first, which works for me. He is also smart, and he is ruthless. He would look at every angle, and if there was no hope, he would not send us both to die. That works for you, yes."

"But it would still be up to you if you wanted to make the trade." Finley breathed out a sigh. Nikko's velvet voice floated around her whispering in her ear.

Michail locked eyes with her. "Yes, but only if Nikko deemed there was a chance that we could both be recovered or it guaranteed your release. Krasotka, I know this sounds scary, but if we keep tight security, it is unlikely this will ever be a question. I don't think we should blow-up everything over something that will probably never happen."

Finley had to admit there was a fair amount of compromise in it, but she still didn't like it. She had to remind herself that compromise meant they both had to give something. Nikko was right about one thing; the best answer was to accept the security and avoid the question all together.

"And what makes you think Nikko would agree to this?" She finally asked.

Michail looked at her like she might be a little daft. "He already has krasotka."

Finley eyed him suspiciously. Michail was confident, he was definitely telling the truth. Understanding dawned on her. The text Nikko got earlier; it had been Michail.

"Do we have a deal?" Michail's voice was even, and betrayed no emotion.

Avoiding problems was the best solution and that meant more security, which meant more hassle. Nikko was right when he pointed out the risk was not unique to Michail. That thought made her queasy, but that was the price they all paid. If it kept Michail in her life and safe, it was a small price to pay. She'd pay that price ten times over.

Michail was waiting patiently for her answer. He definitely had nerves of steel because nothing was showing on his face. It was completely neutral.

"Yes, Michail. We have a deal."

It was clear there was more, so Finley waited.

"Krasotka, not everything can be a compromise, and not every compromise can be equal. This relationship won't always be that way. It won't always be equal."

A little thrill went through Finley at the way he said relationship, but she forced that down. She needed to focus on the most important question. Was she willing to be in a relationship like that? One where the balance was sometimes uneven. Where she didn't get a voice. Finley didn't really know much about relationships, but she figured that pretty much described them all. There were some unique challenges with Michail, and balancing their lives might be difficult.

"I know. As long as you explain your logic and listen to my side. I can accept that." She worked to mirror Michail's neutral expression.

"Agreed. But Finley, you can't just run away again. You can't just give up and walk out every time you don't get your way. My heart won't take that." It was a gentle rebuke and a plea all at the same time.

Finley looked down, she couldn't quite meet his eyes. Michail was right. About all of it.

"I'm sorry Michail. I'm not very good at this stuff. I didn't handle things well last night at all. I know that." She looked up and met his eyes. "I guess I was just scared. I don't do relationships. I'm not even sure I know how."

"This is new for me too. I'm sure we will make many mistakes. But the rule is, no running." There was a steel to his voice that told her this was the one unbreakable rule in his mind. They might part ways, but no running. They didn't get to be cowards.

"Deal."

She saw his features soften and some of the tension leave him. Michail nodded.

"Michail." Finley smiled at him.

"Yes."

"Kiss me dammitt. Kiss me like you love me, because I know you do."

A smile spread across his gorgeous face. Michail was in front of her in two strides. He cupped her face, and leaned down, his lips finding hers. Then Michail kissed her, and the way he kissed left no room for doubt. Michail definitely loved her.

A/N: It turns out these characters had a lot more to say than I originally thought, and my short couple of chapter story didn't turn out quite so short. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for the feedback and reviews. Your comments, thoughts, questions and reviews are what makes writing fun!

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