I would have never guessed that having a sentient space warping friend could make moving crates so easy.
I was so done with my work that night that the boss paid me and let me go four hours early, confusingly counting the crates as if something didn't add up. That suited me just fine since I was going to scope out my next target.
It had only been a few hours, but the men handing themselves in and the discovery of what seemed like a slave ring didn't even breach the evening news, and was barely worth a note in the newspapers.
Instead, I stared in disgust at the report of vandalism of the Gotham Knight football field by some punk, and a piece about giant crabs in the sewer. Gotham Media was trash outside of Jack Ryder's radio show or Vicky Vale's show.
I had a bad feeling that they either had their bail paid or no one had come forth to testify. The few buildings I could check looked emptier by the hour...
As I moved about the dark streets of Gotham, away from the glitz and glam, I pondered how I'd go about spying or looking at the criminal known as the Penguin. Everyone knew that when he wasn't spending time in Blackgate Penitentiary, he was one of Gotham's high risers with a dozen businesses under his belt...
He could be anywhere at any time.
I paused outside an old shop with old style TV sets in the window behind a metal cage. It showed Gotham about forty years ago, the geography not looking too different except the people and the fashion.
Lab didn't really offer wisdom, but sent the image of twisty paths abruptly becoming narrow and straight. The advice of 'just keep moving' was wise for what were basically sentient walls.
I knew the Penguin's most infamous business was the Iceberg Lounge, but I was pretty sure you needed a minimal income of about much higher than what I was earning to simply be considered let into the building, let alone to the VIP areas.
Moving onwards under a pool of light from a streetlight, I had another thought.
If Batman couldn't scare the Penguin into stopping being a dick... what hope did I have? I had scary monsters, but the Penguin was just this side of insane to not really give a shit. How did you stop an ugly squat rich guy who didn't fear being dangled off roofs or having his bones broken?
The unwanted thought of simply killing him entered my mind and I entertained it for a moment, everything in my world slowing as if waiting for my choice. It would be easy...
So easy to just set everything he loved and owned alight, ending with the bird himself and I did want to almost take the simple route.
But I couldn't hug my mother, help my brother and sister with their homework... look myself in the eye with blood on my hands. I was angry, I had to admit that...
And trapping the Penguin's goons in a mindfuck of a Labyrinth was something I wasn't apologetic about, but killing seemed like a line I wasn't sure I was ready to tackle yet.
If they made me choose between them and my family? I'd make that choice, but until then, I wanted to sleep soundly at night...
"Sorry, guys... I'm kind of a wimp," I said to my monsters.
Lesser Dragon was asleep and Lab shifted a nearby drain to catch trash.
Smiling slightly, I shook my head as I felt my power shine. To my surprise, a new pack was available for me to choose. The image showed a shadow image of some warrior with a massive sword. The pack was called 'Pharaoh's Servant'.
I decided to give the new pack a whirl and I stared at all the options to burn things down or freeze them over or blow them away.
Burning land... World Suppression, and even Cold Wave?
This booster pack had a punch to it...
I think cards could work as their descriptions said, in their own rules... or weirdly conceptional in ways that didn't conform to the text.
Like this 'Type Zero Magic Crusher' could use my spell cards or maybe real magic? Magic had to be real otherwise my powers really didn't make sense. So many options... and I had a lot of time to experiment with. For now I took Gust. It wasn't a great 'card' but if I could just use it to unleash wind? It was a great tornado in a can tactic!
I was squeamish about setting people on fire or giving Captain Cold or Mr Freeze a run for their money in turning people into frozen giblets...sue me.
As I grew closer to the Iceberg Lounge, the city around me began to get a facelift, the graffiti thinned until actual clean walls were seen. The wary people turned into laughing couples out on the town. Cars were parked and new without too much fear of them being stolen.
It felt brighter here.
It felt dishonest.
The Iceberg Lounge itself was set on the east side of Gotham close enough to the water it could safely pull off its most famous theme. Large protruding metal structures of blue metal that were, everynight, covered in water and inside the metal something worked to freeze the whole thing, causing massive icebergs to loom over the building like it had floated in from the sea.
It was obstantaious and gaudy with stylized men in penguin tuxes and cold lettering declaring its name above a door. A massive line was orderly maintained as far back as the car park. I walked a fair distance away, just another gawking teen looking at 'Mr Cobblepot's' famous lounge.
If I hadn't gotten my powers, I'd be homeless or working to death because of the man who can afford to fucking freeze his club every night for a theme.
The display of wealth sickened me somewhat, but I maintained vigilance.
The building had patrolling men on the roof and around all sides of the building. At least five men roamed up and down the line, looking for trouble makers. No window let you see inside and I bet the security inside was even tighter.
It was a frozen fortress with a penguin as a king.
I checked a nearby sign that was one of many posted along the street.
I scowled at the sign that proudly proclaimed the Iceberg Lounge was open twenty four hours, every day. The Penguin kept food, drink, and his stupid ice machine going... permanently?!
"Okay, so no sneaking in during down hours... which leads me to doing what?" I muttered, pulling back before I could be spotted as 'lurking'.
The word 'King' stuck in my head over and over and Labyrinth sent a new image in my mind.
His walls shifted so at his center was a rough penguin shape. Slowly, Lab began to close off paths to smaller penguin shapes, shifting until the major one was isolated then the bird began to fall apart.
I liked Lab. He was the very idea of 'if these walls could talk'.
I guess I was going to chip away at this ice empire until I had myself a broken king.
It was like a sort of game, a board game where I had to take smaller nodes or castles to move up and capture the big one. So, if the Penguin wanted to be the king of money and wealth?
I was going to be a different kind of king.
And this was a whole new game, Mr Cobblepot.
-
If there was one thing a fancy lounge needed? It was a constant influx of supplies. I watched for a while as trucks drove around the back of the Iceberg Lounge before driving over, almost every three hours, more if the night surged to a full house or big spenders.
Also, he had a lot of raw deer legs and fish delivered. Those were separated from the other cargo from what I could see but I had no idea why.
While I was waiting, I got another pull on my power.
I eyed the selection and picked the card 'Monster Recovery' because I hadn't used a spell card since Gracekeeper's Servant' and I was curious.
I could shuffle both Gust and Harpy back into my deck to draw 2 new cards... if I send Lesser Dragon back as well?
I decided to do it as what I needed now while I was operating was more options. Labyrinth was an option. Harpy Lady was okay, but she and Lesser were a bit on the feral side for my liking.
Lesser Dragon nodded in approval, deciding he'd rather go back than never quite be used, but he was alright with that. I moved into a discreet off street and wind rippled about me as my power surged twice. Prompting me to choose two packs this time.
I grinned, I even got to choose which packs? Shuffle cards were awesome!
I ended up with two odd cards. One was called Toon World and the other...Prohibition?
I didn't get a chance to really ponder what they did as my moment arrived. A truck drove past, showing the company's logo and giving me the first avenue of attack against Cobblepot, the man who would see my family dead to get crumbs on his plate.
I took off down the road, seeing that very company on my way to the lounge.
It was my move!
Happy Flipper Frozen Goods and Stock was a bit boring looking, but as Lab was trying to find me some path I could use or shift hallways about, I was pacing outside their massive fence, trying to figure out how to get inside.
I had my hood up and even decided to bring an old ski mask that covered up to my nose just in case.
I had never skied, but my Mom thought I might one day.
Lab was good, but he didn't really change the size or dimensions of the paths, merely muddled which way was which to the walker...
I eyed my new card, wondering if it could help me? Toon World had text I had never seen before. It wanted me to pay 1000 'LP'? What was LP? Some currency? A game mechanic that I wasn't aware of? It was odd and it didn't even tell me what it did.
I shrugged and put the card on my field. Instantly, it felt like every nerve had needles shoved into it... muscles cramped and every tooth aches in rhythmic pulses before I fell to my knees heaving as it felt like my lungs were filled for a moment with water.
Then it abruptly stopped, the only remaining sensation was noticeably... a lack of energy. Like a tiny piece of my will or fight was scooped out in a chunk. It was clear it was missing and it didn't feel 'nice' to have it gone.
But I'd live.
Pulling myself up by the fence, rattling it slightly as I crunched grass underfoot, I watched as a book floated before me. It was garish green and had pinkish text on the front that slowly morphed through a rainbow hue.
Some grinning dragon with a shell on its head was the only other thing on the front.
'Toon World' the book proclaimed.
I glared at it.
"You better be worth a small stroke," I warned as I leaned on the fence, something strange occurred. My body fell through the fence in... 'chunks' like I was bisected by the fence into shocked human blocks that scrambled to put itself back together.
"What hell was that?" I asked and the book flipped open to simply read 'You're a Toon!'. My eyes popped out of my skull, literally shooting forward and extending with bulging red veins and shocked elongated features before they slammed back into my skull with some force.
I covered my face with my hands, horrified. That felt freaky... if painless.
Toon World, I could feel it focusing on me, a sort of field was being projected from it to me, converting my body into some... Toon existence. I looked down at my hand...
"Why am I wearing white gloves?" I asked quietly.
I saw my hoodie sleeves were inky black, my jeans were ripped and colourfully popped.
I did not want to know what my face looked like... I just knew. I turned, my torso corkscrewing before the rest of me caught up. If I sort of stopped panicking... it was a little fun to be able to do that.
The field wasn't perfect, however. I could feel Toon World's magic not settling just right and I think I knew why.
I put a gloved finger to my lips and eyed the book.
"Shh... we're hunting penguins!" I winked dramatically and the magic grew stronger.
The book sparkled in joy.
Oh boy... What a night for a laugh.
What a night for a joke...
-
"Murph, The Lounge wants three beef and two special fish orders," Ivan called over to Murphy who grunted back. Special order was code for illegal arms. In this case, a set of assault rifles packed under a disguise of ice and fish.
Murph hated fish. He breathed fish, he sweated fish, he stank of fish, he dreamed of stupid fish, but he'd never quit the job until he had a few years under his belt. Mr Cobblepot tended to have mean retirement plans for the weak.
He turned, but paused as there was a knock at the door, he almost got his gun, but remembered that Curose was working tonight.
"Told that asshole to stop delivering pizza to the backdoor," Murph sighed as he rubbed his sweaty forehead with his gloves, getting fish stench on his skin.
Opening the door with a growl, he didn't see a nervous pizza kid, but a strangely wrapped box with a red bow.
It had a label saying 'to my darling fish man who knows who he is'.
Murph blinked before his reptile brain sent blood rushing south. Lily, the overseer was awfully sweet on Murph and he had been planning on asking her out for lunch soon... she had made the first move and she was bold.
Murph liked a woman who could take what she wanted...
He opened it to find... another box.
"Alright," he chuckled, bemused. He opened that box. His chuckle slowed as he opened another box... then another, removing lid after lid until he was down to a box so small it could barely hold a ring.
He opened that and something smashed into his face and his world went black.
-
I stepped into the factory, whistling as I fist bumped the gloriously red boxing glove wibbling back and forward from an impossibly small box.
"Well, I hope he was flattered..." I said before eyeing the unconscious man across the room.
"Even better! He's flattened!" I beamed.
I shuffled forward, making large steps in a 'sneaking' posture, each step making a musical note of low keyboard.
"Don't be suspicious! Don't be suspicious!" I sang and stopped as a man walked through the door, ready with his next order.
"Stop in the name of love!" I yelled, putting most of my faith in the power of gags and old reruns. The man reached for a pistol in the waist of his pants.
"Or, stop for this Model 1928 Tommy Gun!" I added in and pulled out... from somewhere I have no clue about, a physical tommy gun with a big barrel that felt real and heavy.
The man dove for cover and the end of my gun went off with a little flag that said 'bang'.
"Classic," I announced before I pulled the trigger again and began firing a stream of these 'Bang' Flags like soft beanbags, hitting the man in the face and chest, knocking him down, and winded
I raised the gun, blowing out white smoke.
"I've heard of death flags, but gag flags are a new one for me," I chortled and threw the gun away without looking where it apparently shattered like china.
I eyed the open door, inviting deeper into the factory of fish and guns.
Toon World floated by as Lab began to rearrange the factory to be more suitable for my passage.
The book opened with a new set of words.
'Ride in dressed as Valkyrie on a unicorn?' it asked, excited as it shook.
"No, fair book of mischief and childhood fun! I believe this adventure calls for a more drastic approach," I began solemnly.
The book turned to the next page.
I smiled at my new friend.
"Perfect."
-
Batman stared up at the factory, he was on a nearby roof, but unable to quite look away.
The call had come in about a disturbance and he feared the Joker had emerged once more on top of the current chaos in Gotham. It was the last thing anyone needed, but... Batman wasn't so sure it was him. This was far too mild and odd for the sadistic clown.
"Alfred, is the suit sensors detecting any unusual drugs or chemicals in my system?" he asked, fingers to his ear.
'No, Master Bruce, but you sound uncertain," Alfred said over the communications line.
"Alfred... it's raining fish," he said as a large salmon seemed to land with a splat on the roof.
"A freak gust of wind off the coast?" Alfred suggested.
"Not unless the freak cloud also has all of Cobblepot's men conga-lining out the front door with tropical flowers and drinks in hand," Batman said with confusion, zooming in on the scene.
"Ah, perhaps the Music Meister is back?" Batman's most trusted companion announced.
The top window abruptly exploded outwards, a strangely cartoonish man with undefined shading and flat features wore a bad blond wig and was riding a giant white horse that looked mechanical rather than real.
"Follow your dreams! Be dentists! Be teachers! Maybe not you, Michael! Your dream of beating your father-in-law is illegal! Dream about therapy instead!" the cartoon man called down to the conga line.
Batman raised a grappling hook but just as he was about to swing into the stranger, they moved leaving behind a perfect smoke outline of their form in their place.
"And that's all folks!" the man yelled, a rainbow book leading the way, creating a rainbow bridge of all things for the man to ride away on.
"Alfred I need visual tracking on-" Batman began, gliding down to the street to land, but before he could finish, the factory rippled, something making it also turn that same shade of cartoonish colour before it simply fell forward, missing Batman because of a perfectly timed cut-out window.
The factory, which had been real moments before was now a giant 2D cardboard cut out stage prop... the land behind it perfectly flat besides dozens of crates of fish and weapons.
Cobblepot's fish factory was just reduced to a visual gag and wasn't coming back.
Batman was concerned... deeply concerned.
-
Toon World vanished with a giggle and a sparkle as I was too busy throwing my guts up as the magic left me in a nearby dumpster.
I dislodged three balloons, one sausage, two balls, and a rolled up paperback book of puns that was bright orange.
Instead of bile, it all came up in beautiful rainbow hues.
"If the world isn't ending... I'm never going Toon again," I whispered before returning emptying my stomach.
Well, maybe if I needed it again and it was an option. It wasn't bad... just painful to use and painful to leave.
The entire spell was gone after turning the Penguin's factory to nothing but a gag. For 1000... life points, the spell had some serious power.
I hiccuped and a canary yellow feather left my mouth.
"I'll just set his next factory on fire," I mumbled against the slimy dumpster, sweaty and exhausted.
I had the sudden urge to eat cereal in front of a TV... I remembered it was Saturday now.
Cereal and old reruns of good times.
I smiled a little and nearby, one last toonish sparkle glinted before it faded away.