Conductor

Staring at a screen all day was tiring. That is probably no revelation to most people, but it was true nonetheless. It got even worse when the thing on the screen was something you found beyond boring. The chains of sleep were trying to pull down my eyelids especially heavily this particular workday.

Admittedly, I preferred typing over filling out files manually on paper, but this small upside didn't break my tedium. I was tired on the best of days, but this was just the worst. I needed to do something - anything - else.

That is how I ended up in a place I usually avoided with great care. The office break room. Generally this was a place people liked, or so I heard. I was no stranger to taking breaks from my agonizingly boring job, but you would never have seen me here. I ate my lunch at my desk or at the ramen shop downstairs.

The reason for my apprehension was already sitting at the table, gossiping like no tomorrow.

"I heard he took her to an expensive restaurant and then she dragged him to a jewelry store right after."

"Of course she did. The man is practically made from money."

"It's ghastly to see such a young thing become a gold digger. Where is her dignity?"

"Young ladies these days just pick whoever can pay their luxury desires. Personality and class don't matter."

"That's also why Arase keeps fluttering her pretty little eyes at the chief. He won't risk a scandal for her skeletal visage."

And so on and so forth. Middle aged office ladies had a lot to talk about every day. I couldn't even remember half as many things about any person as they did about some random woman from accounting.

I didn't like this kind of gossip. It's not like we never had rumor mongering and bullying in school, but the intensity and viciousness seemed to only increase the older people got. Why did the relationships of others matter so much to them? Why did they always assume the worst of others?

If they knew about how much Adachi made they would probably say some nasty things about her too. Maybe it was envy, maybe they really thought money was that important to relationships these days.

That made me stop for a moment. The coffee kept flowing until it almost spilled over.

If I told people about Adachi would they believe that I only got close to her because of her money? It was not that surprising, really. What really connected us? We didn't work for the same company, we didn't share hobbies and we barely had topics to talk about on the train. To an outsider it seemed like I had just randomly approached her, had pried her open and found something worth pursuing.

And to an insider? To me? What did Adachi have that made me so happy just by remembering her visit to my house? If I didn't find a reason, was that a bad thing?

I knew that I didn't care about her money. That was the truth. It's not like I could have known when I kept looking at her every morning for that long first year.

"Oh Shimamura, what a rare sight."

"You are so lucky, being young and single. Don't let some bad sort sweep you off your feet."

"Mhm." I gave them a halfhearted grunt in response.

These women were quite fickle. Half a year ago they had constantly interrogated me about my relationship status and tried to hook me up with almost every man in the office. My disinterested replies had eventually made them give up. Now I was treated as an outsider. The quiet single girl.

That was fine by me. I had given up on trying to fit in. Since university I only went with the flow. And without any effort of my own, I was eventually spilled away from everyone. Where did it really go wrong? Middle school or high school I think.

Adachi and I had gone to the same school. If we had met just then, how would I…

Somehow I had ended up dragging Adachi to an amusement park. It was a decision born from sleep deprivation and a weird mood. Shockingly, she went along with it. If there was one place I would not expect Adachi, it would be in a crowd of people, enjoying some flashy attractions. Her solitary aura was like a shield that protected her. Or something like that.

In truth she was giving me mixed signals. On one hand, she was hardly reacting to her surroundings. Her mind seemed to be somewhere else. On the other hand she was behaving pretty odd too. Wait, those were both pretty similar signals.

With Adachi I was never quite sure if she was happy or embarrassed or simply indifferent. Her emotions were clearly visible on her face, but sometimes that created an overload of different expressions that I found hard to decipher. For example when we took a photo together her face had turned bright red and I assumed it was due to embarrassment (the situation was a bit childish), but afterwards she wouldn't let go of my hand for a while, so I couldn't pull it out from the wooden cat versus dog stand.

That meant she liked it, right? It reminded me a bit of my little sister back when she was still smaller and clingier. Comparing an adult woman like Adachi to my sister was just wrong, though. There were some adults that did not act their age of course (one such example lived at my home). I still didn't believe Adachi was that way.

"Bumper cars?"

"Old-fashioned."

Both of us were not exactly convinced yet. The course looked well maintained and very curvy. Each bumper car could hold two drivers. We had run out of things to do already, so we might as well have tried this.

I pinched my leg and forced a big smile on my face. I had to act cheerful. Before coming here I had decided to give Adachi my best effort. Today I was a teenager again, with all of that superfluous energy!

….Yeah right.

Regardless I pushed onward and pulled Adachi with me. When I entered the crammed bumper car I found myself sitting next to Adachi in no time. She didn't seem interested in riding her own. And even worse, I was at the wheel. Between not having a driver's license and not owning a bike, I was definitely out of my depth here.

Glancing at Adachi, she was busy fastening her seatbelt already. No hesitation. That made it basically impossible to ask her to switch now. With that thought in mind, my hands held onto the steering wheel. My right foot was on the pedal.

"The goal is to bump into other people?"

"Specifically their targets, but I doubt we will have much choice." I replied dryly as I watched the children with their overeager dads ready to crash into whatever moved into their mental crosshair.

An alarm above signaled the start of the round. I nervously pushed the gas and the magnetic car moved into the general forward direction. As expected, several kids rammed into each other right away. I seriously reconsidered my life choices already.

"Shimamura! Left!" Adachi suddenly barked an order and I reflexively turned the wheel. We barely escaped a man's ramming attack and instead I lightly bumped into some girl's side… And the low beep of a hit target rewarded my quick reaction.

"I will get you for this!" The little girl gave me a death glare and I hastily sped away.

"Take a turn. They are on our back."

Before I could even ask who 'they' were, the car received a shock from two impacts. To my embarrassment I yelped in surprise and let go of the wheel. The next moment Adachi was suddenly draped over my lap and swerving the wheel.

Why was this happening? I did not know and in that moment my slightly flushed cheeks were the only thing reacting without delay.

Adachi turned us around and then pushed down my exposed leg with her hand. It was a soft, but determined motion. The result was that my foot pushed the gas again and we left our opponents behind.

"Uhm…"

"Sorry!" Adachi snapped out of her serious state and let go of the wheel. Her chest rubbed against my side as she pulled herself back up. I had noticed it when she wore her summer dress last time, but she was not as slim around the bust as one would have believed when she wore a suit.

These unnecessary thoughts kept me distracted long enough to let go of the pedal. We came to a sudden halt in the middle of the course. This was an unfortunate position to be in as you might imagine.

The little girl which vowed revenge returned and she had brought a lot of fellow minded drivers with her. I remembered why I didn't enjoy these kinds of rides.

"Shimamura!" And that's when Adachi hugged me. Well, it was more of a side-hug, but you get what I mean.

When the impacts came from every direction she held me in place and reduced the shaking. It was kind of cute how she desperately clung to me, but obviously there was little effect. Adachi's thin body had no cushioning so to say, so we were still shaking rather badly.

Eventually the vibrations stopped. At least the ones from our ride. My jaw was still rattling and Adachi's arms dug into my side. We held this position until the buzzing above declared the end of the round.

We left the course urgently and then sat down at the steps next to it. My chin rested in my hand as I recovered slowly. I had made a fool of myself for sure, but I could hardly care. In the end it was what it was. My thoughts were with Adachi who seemed very awkward after her actions from before.

She tried to protect me. I guess that's the appropriate way to phrase that. Yeah. Not really a feeling I was used to, but that was normal for most people in this peaceful modern world, I thought. The way she had taken charge and then held me had felt very genuine. Shocking, a bit painful and maybe a tad too touchy, but definitely with good intentions.

Adachi had looked out for me several times today. I hadn't seen her smile much at all, but I had noticed her gaze on me, like a hawk mother looking after its baby. Was I really a baby? My actions could perhaps be described as reckless. The forced cheerfulness I had put on had brought me into unfamiliar territories and Adachi was right there with me.

Was she reliable? Maybe not in a conventional sense, but I certainly felt happy that she tried. Not many people really cared about me that much. Saying that she cared for me was also a bit arrogant. Human relationships sure were tedious.

But for some reason I didn't really mind when it was Adachi.

The sunlight was getting weaker and took on a tinge of red. We had managed to spend an entire day as high school girls. More or less. All that was left was to find a proper bookend.

I had something in mind.

We walked to the edge of the oval seating area. Rows upon rows of seats revolved around a central stage, much like in those drawings of old Roman theaters. Or was it Greek? I really didn't remember too well. What mattered is that this would be the last show of the day. With the last remains of natural light at their backs the performers put on their helmets and posed. It was some kind of superhero show after all. The kids around us, who were probably dragging their parents to this last attraction to avoid leaving the park, seemed excited at least.

Why did I take Adachi to a stage show that not even high schoolers would watch, much less childless adults? There were things in this this world that people could not explain. A sixth sense, fate, polynomial division. Just blame it on a hunch this time.

Sure enough, Adachi's gem like eyes were focused on the performance and not just idly or casually. There was some enthusiasm in there, I was sure of it. Her face did not quite resemble the joyful children further down on the seats and I could not honestly say that she looked like she was having a blast or anything, but this was the first time today she seemed to actually care for the theme park, rather than just me.

I smiled as I watched Adachi watching the show. To me the stage was completely irrelevant on this fine warm evening. Coming here, pushing myself to act more like my childhood self, finding things just a little less tedious, that was all for the sake of seeing one thing. I could not recover the past, I could not undo my errors and I would probably never be able to really return to the path that society had once paved for me. But what I could draw out with just as much effort as I was able was this…

Adachi's beautiful smile.

I leaned my chin on my folded hands and grinned as she sheepishly balled her fist to internally cheer on a hero performing some miraculous special move. She could not express herself as well as others and I at first hadn't been sure if she even had strong emotions at all, but the last months had taught me different.

If I wanted to get back in touch with my own emotions, I would probably have to pry myself out of that grey cage I had crafted by myself in my vacuous sleep. My days of sleepwalking would have to come to an end. It was a daunting, if not frustrating prospect. Something I'd rather avoid. I could already feel myself get tired just from thinking about it. Yet there was merit to that too, I thought. To be annoyed, to be frustrated one had to actually care about something. The light and ever-present irritation I had felt for a while, that had eventually grinded me into a smooth and frictionless existence, had been ignored too long, until it was almost too late.

Almost? Yes. Because I knew better now. Next to me sat a woman that seemed to be everything I wanted to be. Completely immune to the pressure of society, completely content with never moving from her spot at the bottom of the endless sea. She did not covet the surface and she did not mind the currents. If fate had bumped into her, she would not even have given it a glance. That was the kind of person Adachi had seemed to be when we first met. She was as human as me, she had flaws and moments of weakness, but she seemed to just brush them off like dust from her sleeves.

But that iron wrought woman was now smiling ever so lightly as a red colored hero kicked a dark lord through a paper screen. That woman I had not understood, not seen for who she really was, had turned her head my way during this day. She had looked after me like she would a child, she had clung to me like a lover and now she was taken to a show like she was my little sister. Who was Adachi to me? How could you even simplify it with a single role? Adachi was Adachi and I was me. Adachi and Shimamura, nothing more, nothing less. It sounded really silly if put into words, but this was the truth of it all.

Well, if there was one way to put it a bit more dramatically…

"Yay~!" She pumped her fist again and quietly imitated the cheer that rumbled through the crowd in response to the victory of the heroes.

This dork was my salvation.

"Did you enjoy yourself, Adachi?"

"It was fun."

"You're not just saying that?"

"Huh?"

We were riding the bus back to the station. We seemed to always return there eventually, even on weekends. And during this ride, we again sat shoulder to shoulder and watched the evening sky unfold through the large window. The amusement park was behind us, as was Adachi's timid smile. Now she had returned to her blasé, if slightly nervous self.

I untied my ponytail and let my overly long hair flow over my shoulders. There was no more need for it to be contained and forced into place. We were already way past that stage. Now it was time to confront the results of our date.

"I can't quite tell sometimes. Were you not just indulging me?" I tilted my head to the side and glanced at her.

"Indulging? No, no that's not it." She meekly shook her head. Like a scolded dog, huh?

"What part of today was fun?"

"G-going around… and stuff." She mumbled.

"Hmm, that's all?"

"It was fun. I like doing things with you Shimamura." She suddenly insisted with a light pout. That was almost a foul play in my book. How was I supposed to keep teasing her now? Getting such an honest response made me consider to just pat her head.

"Haha, you really didn't care about the park after all." One more couldn't hurt.

"Then what about you? Did you really have fun?"

Oh? Turning things around on me? How valiant, especially for Miss Adachi. I could not help but snicker to myself, which probably made her a bit mad.

"I think I will quit being a high schooler. Once was enough."

The reply seemed to confuse her more than anything and she furrowed her brows. She could be expressive when she wanted to be. Overly so even.

"You are kind of an airhead, Shimamura."

"Why do people keep saying that?"

I couldn't care less though, my head really felt like it was floating on air. I was convinced that Adachi was honest about what she said, which meant she did enjoy herself in her own way. And in return that made me happy as well, so everyone won. If I had to put it into video-game terms like my little sister often did: Complete Victory.

"I thought you were forcing yourself to be happy." Suddenly Adachi said something unexpectedly sharp.

"Oh. That's not really wrong." I rubbed my cheek with the ball of my hand. The muscles had grown a little stiff from all the exaggerated joy I had projected today.

"Really?" If she had animal ears, they surely would have drooped down.

"I was trying to borrow some strength from the past." That was probably not giving Adachi much to go on, but it would have to do. "But you seem strong enough to hold me up on your own." I smirked mischievously. Adachi reflexively hid her hands behind her back.

In the end it didn't seem like Adachi could find the words to respond. There seemed to be so many words stuck in her mouth that they could not roll over her tongue. Maybe it would have been nice if she could tell me what was up with some of the things she had said or done today. If there was one thing I had learned from the short time we had come to know each other, though, it was that there is no reason to hurry. We had missed each other once, but we had still crossed paths. It seemed like we couldn't be kept apart so easily. Wasn't that kind of romantic? Just kidding.

"Before I forget them, here. Your share." I dug out some stuff from my pockets and handed it to Adachi.

"These…" She held up the photographs of our little 'fight'. In her strange daze she had probably not noticed how I had bought some copies of them from the booth. Still, those had been expected, because that was her idea to begin with. The other thing was a lot more spontaneous.

"Caps really suit you."

She was holding a red and white cap in her slim, long fingers. The colors resembled the hero she seemed to have cheered on before. The design also coincided with the blue and white one I had gotten for myself. Caps were not especially suitable for my usual hairstyle and I was not too keen on them in general, but the hot days wouldn't end just yet, so it couldn't hurt to protect my face from the nuclear ball of fire in the sky.

"We match." Adachi said with a slightly shivering lower lip.

Wow, hadn't expected her to be this moved. It was not like we had many opportunities to wear these in partner look. That was, unless we created such convenient chances. It wasn't impossible, now was it?

"I s-should get you a return gift." She frantically seemed to think of options as her eyes darted around.

"I got my returns already." I said as I put my index fingers to the corners of my mouth and moved them up ever so slightly. What I received from Adachi wasn't anything worth a lot of money and I liked to keep it that way. I was no gold digger after all.

Adachi just stared at me for the rest of the ride until it got incredibly awkward and I felt embarrassed. Well, that too was part of our yet undefined relationship. A small price for salvation.