A/N: Standard disclaimer here. I don't own ASOIAF and only write for fun.
When he was but a boy, sitting in Maester Walys room, he learned about the houses of Westeros, both great and small. He remembered being intrigued by one particular castle, partially due to the history that surrounded it.
"The founder of House Dayne chased a star falling through the sky toward an island located at the mouth of the river Torrentine. Due to the current and dangerous rocks surrounding the island, he built a bridge to reach the star that created a large clearing at the edge of the island. He used that star to create the legendary sword Dawn and a village formed around the crater. Just up the hill, he decided to build his castle which stands today looking out over the Summer Sea."
If only life wasn't so fucking depressing, he would have cracked a smile at the memory. He remembered hearing that bit of history and trying to chase stars for weeks until his father forced him to stop… but life wasn't fair and he was done smiling. His brother was dead. His father, dead. His best friend is dead. His sister… he sighed at the thought of her… but she was dead too, and all for nothing. All based on foolish love and stupid prophecy. All to try to prevent a war that was unpreventable. It changed him. He couldn't help but feel bitter, the resentment boiling up inside him.
He just wanted to go home. He would sit a Winterfell for the rest of his days making sure to build a navy on the west coast and to restore Moat Cailin so that no one south of the fucking neck could ever bother him again. It was madness all of it, and it didn't make any sense. His head hurt just thinking about it.
Of all the possible paths that his life could have taken this had to be the worst possible outcome, and the gods still weren't done with him. Now he had to face the woman he loved, as furious as she would be, and tell her that he broke his promise. He would tell her that he couldn't marry her, that he had to marry another, all because Prince Rhaegar and Lyanna hadn't had the decency to send a fucking letter…
Still, the castle described from his childhood was beautiful. Ser Arthur had led them through the village already, and he could see the pearly white stone in the distance as it shined brightly against the knight sky. They would rest here for the night, before taking a boat out into the summer sea and around Dorne to reach King's Landing and deliver King Rhaegar his last remaining child.
At the end of it all, Aerys truly was as mad as they say he was. If one were to believe Tywin Lannister that is, but it's not as if they could talk to ghosts to find out what happened, though Ned had his suspicions. He doubted that Dorne would be happy with the official story either, but who could say that Tywin was lying? What proof did anyone have?'
"When I arrived in the city, King Aerys had closed off the gates," Tywin told his tale to the entire court. "I got word that he was paranoid that I had turned on him, that I marched toward his castle to help the rebels. I sent many letters, telling him that we were here to help his cause and he finally believed me, letting me and a small portion of my army into the city to help defend it."
"When we reached the throne room, I smelled the stench of burning flesh. As I entered, I saw the bodies. The Master of Whispers Varys, The Master of coin Symond Staunton, Princess Elia, her two lovely children, all dead and burned beyond my recognition at his feet. He was screaming that the Lannister would be next, and I feared for my son's life. My men and I rushed into the throne room and he stood at the foot of the Iron Throne screaming how he would burn them all. He told Rossart to give him the fire, and that the man knew what to do. Before I could react he drank it, and almost immediately it consumed him. My men quickly contained the area as best we could before catching Rosart and swiftly killing him for his crimes."
What he didn't tell the court, but later would tell Rhaegar in private was that they investigated his father's claims to burn them all and found caches of wildfire underneath major landmarks of the city. The mad king had thought he'd been betrayed and moved his Viserys and his wife to Dragonstone while he kept Elia and Rhaegars children as hostages in case his son tried to usurp him. Once he saw Tywin and his army approaching, the Man King assumed that they were going to kill him and desired to blow up the city for revenge.
Tywin Lannister was lauded as the hero who saved King's Landing and appointed as the new Hand of the King. Jamie Lannister, for heroically stopping Rossart before he could escape to set off the other fires, was also named a hero and released from his vows as a member of the Kingsgaurd and sent back to Casterly Rock where he would rule in his father's name.
It was all bullshit. When he asked Grand Maester Pycelle if there were any other wounds on the bodies of the fallen, the Maester confirmed that there were only burn marks from where the fire melted skin to bone. When he asked Jamie Lannister what happened, the man had remained quiet, only answering him with smart remarks.
King Rhaegar was too devastated to care. Although he had some sense, he pulled Ned aside and told him where Lyanna was, that she was pregnant with his child who would be heir to the throne. That he only trusted him to retrieve her in secret so that she would be his new queen and their child the new heir.
"Bring Visenya home," the King told him but Visenya was a boy. A trueborn price, not a princess. Lyanna named him Aemon, though he didn't know if Rhaegar would keep that name for the boy. Armed with a letter from King Rhaegar the three Kingsgaurd allowed him to pass and see his sister, but he could tell by the look on Hightower's face that something had been wrong.
The sight of blood on bedsheets would haunt him for the rest of his life. It was clear to him from the moment he walked into that tower… his sister was going to die.
"Why didn't you send for a fucking Maester," he raged.
"We did," was the sorry excuse he got. "He hasn't arrived yet, only the wetnurse has come."
"Why didn't you bring her to one?" he yelled. "Starfall is not far."
"She was too weak to travel Lord Stark," was the response they gave him. Excuse after excuse but what could he do? It's not like he could fight them all and win, King Rhaegar might have had his head.
Ser Arthur's voice took him away from the memories, away from the pain.
"Ser Michael Stockley, King of the Siege Gate," Ser Arthur laughed as he rode up to the gate. "I see that you still have yet to leave your post, not tired yet my boy?"
"Never," the young knight smiled. He was a small man with long hair brown hair that he slicked back into a ponytail.
"How is Ash?" Ser Arthur asked.
"As perfect as always," the young knight responded and unsheathed his sword. "I polish her every day."
Ser Arthur grabbed it for examination before handing it back. "I admire your dedication young knight. May she never fail you."
"She never will," Ser Stockley affirmed and Ser Arthur nodded. He spurred his horse forward then, and slowly they all followed him through the gate and up the hill to the castle.
When they arrived in the castle yard just beyond the castle gate she was there, standing as beautiful as ever, her purple dress hugging her frame flawlessly. Her hair was as black as the night's sky, though her lilac eyes shined brightly through it all. She was truly the most gorgeous woman in the realm, no one would ever be able to argue with him about that.
"Brother," she spoke her voice soft. "It is good to finally see you home and safe again…" then suddenly her voice was ice, "although I see you have brought visitors."
She stood to stare at him on his horse and he never felt so small. There was venom in those eyes. Sadness. Pain. Love. Loss. He could feel it all.
"King's orders," his brother responded roughly, he too turned to stare at him. He wouldn't argue with the man anymore. It would be as useful as the first time.
"You were supposed to marry her," he shouted. "She was supposed to be your wife! You were to petition your father and find a suitable castle to live in! I thought you Starks were an honorable breed, but your a sad puppy just like your brother was."
It had taken all of the men present to stop them from killing each other, Ice vs Dawn. They hadn't spoken since and stayed clear of each other while they traveled through Drone.
"We will be gone in the morning," Ser Arthur spoke again, again taking him from his memories.
"I can manage," she said before turning her back on him and walking toward the Castle doors."
"Speak plainly," Ned spoke. "You're angry with me." She had sent a servant to find him in the middle of the night. The hour of the wolf. When he found her she was sitting alone on a white stone bench in the garden.
"No," her voice soft, she turned to him, tears in her beautiful eyes and he sat next to her. "I'm angry at the circumstances that led to this."
"The yard earlier?" He questions.
"When the lies are good they don't want to hear the truth sometimes," she responded simply. "How could I possibly tell my brother that I was still in love with you…"
"My lady," his voice nearly broke. "I have a wife…"
"I know," she said, frustrated, "but that doesn't change anything. Not for me. I fell in love with you the moment your brother pushed you to dance with me. You were so kind, so courteous, my quiet wolf. I was supposed o be your wife."
"I asked you to be," Ned spoke carefully. "I wanted to, you remember? The morning after, I begged you to allow me to take you to a sept, a godswood, anything and make it official."
"I would be dead Ned," she responded sadly. "I was there in King's Landing when he burned your father and strangled your brother. Imagine if I'd been your wife? I would have died too… but Elia knew, she got me out of the capital and back home soon after. She didn't want to allow him to use me to force my family to pick a side, though their side was already picked. My brother was a member of his king's guard."
"I'm glad you escaped that place," the horrors that happened in that castle afterward will haunt the crown for centuries. I wouldn't have wanted you to witness it."
"Do you believe it?" she asked. "The story that Tywin Lannister has weaved, that the Mad King burned his legacy?"
"Dead men tell no tales, my lady," Ned responded. "There is no one left to dispute his version of the events. His men and son all tell the same story. The Maester says there were no other wounds…"
"But…" Ashara said, sensing that he was leaving something out.
"But we are talking of a man that wiped out an entire house and commissioned a song about it. Lord Lannister is as ruthless as they come. Even before I left the capital to bring my sister back he was trying to use his influence to get Rhaegar to marry his daughter."
"How bold of him," Ashara spat, her Dornish anger heating up quickly. "What has it been? Two-three moons? My friend and her children… I pray for them every night. What does Rhaegar do? Will he not investigate it further? Will he not check to make sure that Tywin Lannister tells the absolute truth?"
"Rhaegar is devastated," Ned responded. "Despite what happened between him and Lyanna, he still loved Elia for giving him his two children. He still loved them. He hasn't exactly left his room except to go to the library to read or the hall to eat. Even the arrival of his mother and brother from Dragonstone only made him happy for so long."
"Good," she was hot again. "I know she is your sister Ned, but what they did was stupid, and selfish and cost thousands of lives that could have been spared had they just thought one moment to tell the truth. I might be on my way to Winterfell to marry you if they had told the truth."
"You don't think I know that?" he responded bitterly before muttering an apology and continuing on a little less harsh. "I questioned Rhaegar about that, asked him for a reason to not say anything…"
"What did he tell you?"
"Nonsense," Ned responded unable to keep the bitterness from his voice. "He said that his father learned she was the Knight of the Laughing Tree from Harrenhall. When he learned that she was staying at Harrenhall leading up to my brother's wedding he sent men to capture her and when Rhaegar found out, he rode to rescue her under the guise of a tour. He knew that if his father's men kidnapped my sister it would mean war."
"That makes sense," Ashara responded. "When your father arrived in the throne room Aerys told him that the Starks had been betraying him since Harrenhal. Nobody knew what he was speaking of. We just thought it was more rambling of a Mad King…"
"But it wasn't. Rhaegar and his party found my sister at the inn of the crossings right before the King's men caught up to her. She defeated them all, but the problem is that the Stark men that were with her all died during the melee, and the person the witnesses saw her riding of last with was King Rhaegar and your brother."
"What a mess," Ashara spoke, her voice apologetic.
"Still, I asked him why he didn't just deliver her to Rivverun and explain what happened and you know what he told me?"
He didn't wait for her response. "That he didn't want to start a fucking war! Of all things! That he knew if he told us the truth of the matter, we would rebel against the crown, and rightfully so. That he didn't think Brandon would march to King's Landing and demand his head… He thought they would have time to sort it all out before anything bad happened." He laughed bitterly. "A jester, if I've ever meant one."
"Careful Ned," she said softly, "He is still the King."
"I don't care," he nearly shouted. "I'm done with him. The whole realm. I'm going home. I'll build a Navy on the west, rebuild Moat Cailin, and shut my damn doors. Dare anybody to come to do something about it. I don't care. I'm done with the south."
"Even me?" she put her hand on his chin and forced him to look at him. He softly pushed It away.
"I have a wife," he said again, but he didn't feel as strong as before.
"I don't care," she responded and forcefully grabbed his neck and pulled him into a kiss. It was as passionate as he remembered as she slipped her tongue into his mouth and they danced just like at Harrenhal.
It took all his will to stop her. He pulled away and shook his head. He knew that he should get up to leave, but he wasn't that strong. Not yet.
She sighed, looking at him for a long moment before she spoke again. "You're not done with the south yet. You can't be."
"And why not?" he asked.
"I saw a boy with that wetnurse, a baby. Stark hair and eyes. Lyanna's son with Rhaegar I am assuming?" She raised her eyebrows at him.
"Aye," he sighed. "She called him Aemon. Says that she and Rhaegar fell in love while they traveled the countryside. Says that she wanted to leave when she heard the news about Brandon and our father but she found out she was pregnant soon after so he forbid it. And what was she to do? She was but a girl against four of the finest knights in all of the realm and pregnant to boot. So she stayed."
"They married?" Ashara asked. "He found a septon to marry him? He already had a wife and children!"
"Aye," Ned spoke. "He left all the paperwork with her in the Tower of Joy. His marriage to Elia was annulled because she could never bear him any more children but her children's place in the succession would always come before any children that he and Lyanna had. She said he told her that Elia knew, that she agreed to it."
"I'll fucking kill him, the liar!" It was her turn to nearly shout.
"Careful," Ned smiled for the first time in moons. "He is still your King."
"Shut up," she took a few deep breathes and calmed herself. "I know she is your sister, but she is so naive. When would Rhaegar have had the time to write and ask Elia anything? It all happened so fast."
"I know," Ned responded."And I wanted to tell her myself. To yell and scream and holler that it was her fault that father was dead and that Bran was dead and that Robert was dead… but then I saw the blood, and she was dead too." He was rambling and his voice broke again but she didn't care. She threw herself at him and held him tightly.
"I'm so sorry," she said over and over again as they held each other for what felt like an eternity. When they finally separated, she looked at the night and they realized that it wasn't so dark anymore. That in mere hours, they would have to separate, this time possibly for good.
"I wasn't looking for love when we met," she spoke again, staring intently into his eyes. "Sometimes we just let life happen just to see what we catch."
Ned laughed. "I didn't even want to be there. Before the tournament was announced I had plans to go home, to see Winterfell for the first time in years. I missed it, I still do."
"Could you miss it more? For me?" she asked.
"Speak my lady," he responded, his heart suddenly racing, thinking of what she was about to ask him.
"I don't want to spend my life filled with regret," she said still staring at him, her eyes begging. "Right now I know we both have these memories, the best of our lives. We could run away. Take Aemon with us across the narrow sea. We could live together. Love each other. Raise him as our own just like we were supposed to raise our daughter."
"Our daughter?" Ned gasp.
"I found out after we separated. Toward the end of my pregnancy the war broke out and I was worried sick about you even after I heard the news of your marriage. She was stillborn. I buried her here, right in this garden."
"Gods…" Ned muttered, feeling a range of emotion all at once. Anger, rage, sorrow, guilt, bitterness, hatred. Just one more thing that the world seemed fit to take from him. A daughter… he knew that she would have dark hair and purple eyes like her mother but her face would be long, just like a Stark, He pounded his fist against the stone bench. Ashara jumped a little.
"I'm sorry," he quickly said. "It's not you... It's just…"
"I know," she said. "It's not their fault but I can help but feel so angry and upset and bitter over what could have been. We have played their game for so long and I'm tired of playing it. The honorable son fulfilling his duty by marrying his brother's bride, me the perfect daughter having to hide my pregnancy and feelings… I'm just tired of it. I say forget it, forget it all. We could escape right now…"
And for a moment he wanted to say yes. They could dye their hair and run away to Essos. He would find work and save up enough to get them a nice manse somewhere in Bravos or maybe even Volantis. They could have more children… and live out the rest of their days together, madly in love.
"Come on Ned," she pleaded. "I can tell you still love me. Stop fighting this."
He sighed. Honor was the death of love. "I have a son. Robb, she named him after my friend. I have people that are looking for me to lead the North as the Stark in Winterfell. I have a brother who I would put in the same position that I was put in. I can't do that to him Ashara. I can't do that to them. It's not fair."
Tears flowed freely from her eyes. "It would have been easier if you said yes," she spoke between sobs. He reached to hold her again but she pushed him away.
"If you had said yes, I could have lost respect for you. If you would have said yes, you wouldn't be the man I love… but you had to be you. You had to find the perfect way to make me love you still. Why does life have to be so unfair? Why do I have to walk away from you in the morning only to never see you again? It's not fair Ned! Why couldn't you just say yes."
He sighed. "I am who I am. I always will be."
"No," she said. "You've changed. You're jaded now, bitter, upset at everything, just like me but still… you are who you are. Honor above it all. That's why I fell in love with you."
An awkward moment passed between them. He rose from the bench. "I should go. We've only made it harder than it needs to be Ashara…"
"Yes," she steeled herself again. The anger and hurt were back. The ice that she greeted him with back in the courtyard was back. It was her defense. It was easier to convince herself that she hated him than it was to accept the fact that they were still madly in love… It was dangerous but he understood. He would have to find a way to cope with it all too, something that was better than tearing practice dummies apart or a diet of ale and wine.
He turned his back to her and started to walk always… he could feel her staring a hole in his back and he wanted to stop, to try to find something perfect to say… but there was nothing… so he somehow found the strength to keep walking.
A/N: Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo let me tell you how this happened lol. I sat down at my computer and was bout to write a Chapter for the Pack Survives from Sansa's POV. It's outlined which is the easy part, I knew what I wanted to happen, got all the bullet points I wanted to hit down... started to write it and It was trash... so I canned it... and was went to reading stories for a bevy of sites... I told you guys that in my writer's block my mind was filled with ideas of a different story of Rhaegar winning... that to get over that I had to write some of that out so that I could continue with this.
Well, I read some Ashara/Ned stuff and started to wonder how that conversation would play out in that AU that I created and this is what I got lol. A little sappy, but I threw on some Saint Jhn and this is what I came up with lol. One shot of course, and I should have Sansa ready in a couple of days hopefully.
RIP to Kixstar! A fucking legend!
Tell me what you think! Or don't lol. I might start just throwing random one shots out there when ideas get stuck and won't go way, so maybe you might get more short stories like this. Maybe you won't who knows!
Until next time, again thanks for all the support. The reviews, messages, likes, etc... its all so overwhelming sometimes.
Appreciate you all!
Young!