CHAPTER 9:

THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF HARLEY QUINN

Harry watched the feed from the Riddler's lair, absently plucking some kernels of popcorn from the bowl the trio were sharing. "Okay, so…the Riddler is going to threaten to drop them into that pool of liquid there, and the Joker has to pick the one who he wants saved. You're banking on the Joker saving the Batman because he's got this weird relationship that's basically a one-sided attraction to him, even though the Joker is actually as straight as a die?"

"He's full of innuendo, but Harley reckons he is," Pamela said. "It's more of his obsession with the Batman and one-upping him. It could be misconstrued as a really weird kind of love, and honestly, I think the Joker plays that up to get a rise out of Batman. Without success, I might add. Say what you will about him, but he seems more confident in his own sexuality than the Joker, and considering he goes out every night in a bat costume, that's saying something."

"Okay, I have a couple of questions then," Harry said. "Firstly, how did Batman let himself get captured so easily? The so-called World's Greatest Detective is not exactly impressing me. Secondly, what's that shit that Riddler's claiming as acid? And thirdly, is it me, or did he steal that 'riddle that kills people who think about it' crap from Monty Python's Flying Circus?"

"Well, I'll answer your questions in reverse order. Nygma probably did steal it from Monty Python, he's not exactly known for originality, even if it was a joke rather than a riddle in the original sketch. As for the 'acid', I was originally going to get margarita mix, but it'd be hard to get on short notice, and Hermione had some breathable liquid shit she bought from Argus Labs. It'll be a bit traumatic for Harley to drown in that, but she'll live. And as for the Batman, I never said he was infallible. But to give him his due, he may be good at getting into messes, but he's even better at getting out of them. I speak from experience."

Hermione nodded, even as she munched on popcorn. Luna was looking after Delphi back in their own hideout, as they were sure that the night's events would reach at least a TV-MA rating on language alone. They watched as the Joker came in, and the Riddler did his thing. Harry stared as the Joker actually dithered for a moment, before saying, "Free the Bat! Drop the broad!"

Harry blinked. "Did he seriously…?" Hermione and Pamela nodded. "…Damn, that was nasty. I mean, I should expect nothing better from the Joker, but…" Soon, Batman was freed, and chased the Joker from the hideout, while Harley was dropped into the vat of liquid, spasming and thrashing as she drowned in what they knew to be breathable liquid.

"Okay," Pamela said, standing up. "Harry and I will take it from here. You'd better leave before Nygma noses around, Hermione."

"Got it. Let me know if it works out. Or not…"

After being hauled out of the breathable liquid, Harley listened to the explanation, and took it surprisingly well, even if she wanted to crawl back into the 'acid' and die. However, Pamela dragged the ex-shrink away, and they went back to Pamela's apartment. Harry wasn't sure whether Harley had really come to an epiphany. Yes, she had been shown exactly how much the Joker cared about her (which was to say, nothing at all), but if Pamela's efforts before had been so fruitless, what would work now?

It didn't help that the Joker sent a 'Jokergram', which consisted of a goon coming to the front door, reading out a macabrely soppy telegram, and then exploding due to an implanted bomb. Something which Harley, despite her doubts about the Joker, considered romantic. Like Harry thought, as he cleaned the viscera from the apartment while Pamela took her shopping for a new outfit, a lost cause.

Still, when Pamela had him come to a derelict amusement park (where else would the Joker have a hideout?) to meet them, he was intrigued. So he did so, and found Pamela standing next to another young woman that Harry took an annoyingly long time to recognise as Harley. Then again, the only times he had seen her was either in that photo back when she was Dr Quinzel, or wearing that hybrid of hood and motley, with either a prison jumpsuit or the spandex jester outfit.

He had to admit, her new look was…dayum. She kept the red and black scheme for her clothes she had from the jester outfit, with a crop-top and latex hotpants in those colours, but she exposed a lot of her bleached-white skin and her athletic body now. Her pale blonde hair was done into twin pigtails, each tail having the tip dyed a different colour, pale blue and pink. Honestly, she looked far better in that outfit than she did in that fetishized jester costume, and Harry had to admit, if she was faking shaking off the influence of the Joker, she was doing a damn good job.

"Okay, so, I have a couple of questions," Harry said. "Firstly, not that I'm actually complaining about the outfit, it looks good on you, but are you ready for people to gawk at you like you've walked out of a stripclub?"

Harley shot him a glare, with Pamela sighing, even as she fiddled with something on the shoulder strap of Harley's crop-top. "Harry, she decided on this look, don't shame her for feeling liberated and choosing to express it like this. Anyway, the second question?"

"…How the actual fuck has the Batman or the GCPD not spotted the very conspicuous 'secret lair'," he said, using airquotes, "and not raided it already?"

"Yeah, I was kinda wondering the same thing when I went to the Riddler's lair last night," Harley said, looking at the massive, derelict building with the Joker's leering face writ large over the entrance. "The GCPD probably doesn't attack because, well, Occupational Health and Safety, right? Between a small army of goons wielding guns and weapons, and possible tetanus and asbestos hazards…well, we live in a litigious society. Joke's on them, there's no asbestos there that I know of. Or else I wouldn't be bringing this shit to the ground."

He had to admit, Harley's attitude had become more…fiery. Which was a little encouraging, as was her old outfit draped over one shoulder. She looked like she meant business with that oversized mallet, too, despite looking like she worked in a stripclub. "So, how are you going to bring it to the ground? Because honestly, this place looks like a good hard sneeze could," he snarked.

"Watch and learn, unbeliever," Harley said with a grin. "Ive's just attached what is basically a small Go-Pro camera, albeit with a private network. Watch on her smartphone, and see the new Harley Quinn in action."

As she strutted into the hideout, Harry shot Pamela a look. "…Honestly, I'm glad Plan B seemed to work," the green-skinned goddess said with a shrug. "I didn't have a Plan C. Anyway, come watch."

Harry hurried over, and watched as the grainy image showed Harley's viewpoint as she moved through the dingy hideout, flipping the bird. "I can see why you had that crush on her," Harry remarked. "She's also quite fit."

"She could have won gold for the gymnastics in the Olympics," Pamela said. "Apparently her father made her take a dive during a gymnastics contest to pay off debts he had to the mob. She beat the shit out of him when he insulted her, claiming there'd never be a female President like she wanted to become. Fat fucker's in jail at the moment, pulled one con too many. Honestly, though, I love Harley more for her mind. Anyway, she's got this."

"Judgement withheld until more evidence is provided," Harry said.

On the screen, they saw the Joker trying to deal with a TV. "…Hey, does anyone have any idea what the Wi-Fi password is?" As he looked behind his chair, he did a double-take. "…Harley, is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me, dickhead," Harley sneered. "Oh, and bee tee dubs, that's also the password."

Harry cringed as the Joker tried to sweet-talk his way back into Harley's good graces after a moment of confusion about the password. "Oh, here we go," Harry muttered. "Better get working on Plan C."

"Give it a moment. I'll bet you buy us a takeaway of my choice that she kicks his ass thoroughly, along with any goon he sends after her. I'll buy if she gets suckered into going back to him again."

Harry, after a moment, nodded. "I'll take that bet. What do I have to get if I lose?"

"I'm in the mood for Thai tonight. You?"

"Still thinking about it, though I'm leaning more towards Indian. That place near us does nice curries." He stared as the Joker, claiming to be an agent of chaos, stabbed one of his own goons in the throat with a pool cue. "…Oh, seriously, how can he get any goons if he does this crap to them?"

"Believe it or not, he pays them well," Pamela said. "Including good health plans, of all things. We don't have stuff like the NHS that you had back home. One of the few things I agree with Crane is that the health system in this country needs one hell of an overhaul. Plus, he hires the most sadistic goons, those most like him, the ones other supervillains normally won't touch. Rapists, child molesters, people who dropkick puppies and drown kittens…you get the drill." She smirked as Harley told the Joker he was looking at his replacement, before throwing her former outfit into his face and storming off. And then, the Joker had his goons surround her to try and force her to submit.

But Harley wouldn't back down, and to Harry's astonishment, she began kicking the goons' arses. True, one or two got some hits in, but she kept going, until the Joker threw some sort of sticky-bomb that clung to her mallet, forcing her to throw it away before it exploded with a tinny chuckle. She got knocked around by more goons, before the Joker crooned, "Just say the word, and I'll call it off."

Harry couldn't see her face as she got to her feet, but given the venomous tone of her voice, he knew she was glaring at him. "Til death do us part," she snarled.

"Told you," Pamela said with a smirk.

"Well, if you're right, this could be the best bet I ever lost," Harry said with a smirk of his own. "Seeing the Joker getting the shit beaten out of him will be worth it…well, assuming Harley doesn't get killed."

The Joker had ordered his men to kill her, and the first contender strutted forward, a baseball bat in hand. His attempts to stove her head in led to her taking his weapon and doing the same thing. The Joker threw another sticky-bomb, but Harley was able to bat it into the roof, and Harry and Pamela looked up briefly to see an explosion burst through the roof briefly.

What followed was a massacre. Harry supposed he should feel outraged, but if Pamela told the truth, these people deserved it. Harley Quinn had merely become a well-overdue embodiment of natural selection. She began using the sticky-bombs in creative ways to not only kill off the goons, but also demolish the building.

The wall in front of them, which had a huge hole, fell in, with Harley standing where the hole fell. Harley was grinning, even as she wiped from blood from her lips. "Buster Keaton, eat your fucking heart out," she said with a fist-pump(1).

"…You know what?" Harry said, walking up to her. "I just lost a bet on you. And I'm glad I did. You did good, Harley. Bloody good."

She grinned, and hugged him. "I know, right? O, ye of little faith! So, what did you lose?"

"He's buying dinner, for the three of us. You're fine with Thai?"

"Yeah, I'll have a green potato curry."

"Gimme a moment, I think I have a notepad and pen," Harry said, fumbling in his jacket.

"You could have her text it to you," Pamela said.

"She's standing right here," Harry said, with a deadpan tone. "Seriously." He began noting down Harley's order. "I know what Pamela and I like."

Harley nodded. "Great. Gimme a moment, I have some unfinished business." She strutted over to the wreckage, where the Joker was cowering under a pool table, having used it for shelter as the building collapsed. "Sup?"

"Oh? Are you going to kill me now?"

"I'll do it," Harry said, walking up to Harley, Pamela in tow.

"No," Harley said. "I want him to be alive, so I can see the look on his face when I'm running this town."

"Big mistake, Harley," Pamela said with a sigh.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, I agree. But…would humiliating him work for you?"

"Sure, but…isn't he humiliated enough already?" Harley asked.

Harry grinned. "Oh, Harley…there's no such thing…"

Harley began cackling, as did the others, as they looked on Harley's social media page, showing a photo of the Joker, tied up, a ball-gag in his mouth, hanging upside down from a girder of his demolished lair, with a sign glued to his chest: Free Candy! Just Hit The World's Ugliest Juggalo Pinata!

Harry had erased the memory of the Joker being trussed up and hung upside down from the Clown Prince of Crime's mind, if only to prevent the Joker to twigging to his magic any time soon. In his mind, the last thing he would remember would be being chewed out by Harley while cowering under a pool table, before he ended up hanging upside down.

"Okay, so, I need to ask, as you said you'd be explaining once we got home…but how did you do that shit?" Harley asked once they'd gotten their laughter out of their respective systems, and began eating their respective meals from the takeaway at the table of Pamela's apartment.

Harry looked to Pamela, who nodded. They'd agreed earlier that they'd only explain Harry to Harley once she was away from the Joker. "I'm a wizard, Harley."

"…Okay, so, like Zatanna or Dr Fate or Felix Faust or something?" Harley asked.

"Those guys are more specialised in their magic. Harry comes from a whole hidden society of magic who are also a bunch of inbred morons," Pamela said.

To her credit, Harley actually listened quite attentively to Harry and Pamela reciting the story of his life as they ate. She did occasionally interject when she thought a name was ridiculous like Voldemort or Dumbledore, but otherwise, she listened. Harry supposed it was the last remnants of the psychiatrist she once was, for a key skill of anyone in that profession would have to be an ability to listen well.

"…Holy shit," Harley said quietly after they finished, both the meal and the tale. "You went through all that, and still remained sane? Never thought David Bennet was into zooerastia, and I am also glad I didn't see that. Ive, can I hug him? Again, I mean?"

"Go right ahead."

Harley got up, went over to Harry, and did so, a surprisingly tender gesture from the former shrink turned mad clown criminal. "…I'm sorry you went through all that, Harry Potter," she said, quietly and with surprising sincerity. "Those pricks should be on their hands and knees, thanking you. Hell, I should be thanking you. You've been a better friend to Ivy for these past months than I have for years."

"Then you can start being one again. I didn't believe you could turn over a new leaf, Harley, but Pamela did," Harry said. "Admittedly, she knew you better than I did, but could you blame me?"

"No. No, in hindsight, I can't. It's not easy for people like me to get out of a cycle of abuse like that, and it doesn't help that I'm not all there upstairs." She tapped her temple to make her point. On his look, she said, "What? You can be insane and self-aware. Look, I've got a long road ahead of me, I know that. I studied this shit at university, and I've now lived it. But I have a good friend to help me get out of it." She looked at Pamela and smiled, before returning her gaze to Harry. "And maybe, you can be another? Keep me together while I make good on showing the Joker up?"

"…Maybe. I'm doing this for Pamela's sake more than anything." He exchanged a look with the redhead, before returning to Harley, when an epiphany came to him. "Then again, an old friend of mine once told me I have a saving people thing. Maybe I can help save you from yourself. I mean, from, you know, I don't mean turning you sane, you're actually quite endearing as you are now. You remind me of another old friend, one Pamela's met, you'd like her. And Pamela wants her friend back, one of her best."

"And that's what she will get!"

And so, the three friends sat there, ready to take on Gotham, and the world. Harley had taken her first steps to greatness, and right there with her would be Pamela Isley, and Harry Potter…

CHAPTER 9 ANNOTATIONS:

And with that, the series proper has begun. It'll take time before Harley gets added to the relationship, but it will happen with time. Ironically, the biggest obstacle will be Harley: she's aware enough that this could be a rebound relationship, and she wants to take it slowly. But because Ivy has admitted she had a crush on Harley already, at least to Harry, the groundwork is already there.

Review-answering time! Sable Dawn: I dunno whether this version of Harley is anything more than a very athletic woman, or if she has any poison resistance.

nagiten: I don't know Aqua from Rosario + Vampire, so I can't comment. It's mostly Yui from the Abridged Series of SAO, but I guess Wednesday Addams is a factor there. Teddy is her childhood friend, though.

Asky Askypants: Not until much later, but I love the Hellsing Ultimate Abridged reference. That one used to make me laugh enough to nearly choke.

Biowind: Actually, Harry's more going for a Tenth Doctor look than an EMIYA look.

Home of the Brave and Fyrloche: I haven't mentioned Harry's children with Ginnymort (yes, that's children plural: she had twins) partly because of an oversight on my part, and partly because there's some understandable reasons, which I go into in a later chapter when Harley brings up the issue (I had to hurriedly write it in somewhere after your reviews). Firstly, Ginnymort is in hiding, and Hermione and Luna can't find her, which puts a pin in Harry trying to find them. Secondly, they probably had their minds poisoned against him by Ginnymort, so if he rescues them, they'd view it as a kidnapping by Voldemort reborn (irony abounds). Thirdly, he was basically raped by her while under the influence of Amortentia, and that's made him actually a bit repulsed by them. Which isn't fair, of course, and he understands that, but he has very mixed feelings about them that he doesn't want to think about.

1. A reference to a famous stunt where part of a wall falls down onto a character, but they survive thanks to a hole or window. Roscoe 'Fatty' Arbuckle used this for Back Stage, but it is Buster Keaton who most famously used it on One Week and Steamboat Bill Jr. A similar scene is shown in The Goodies episode The Movies, where the Goodies, after an argument, have the wall of a house fall on them in a similar manner, and after moving off, Buster Keaton comes across the scene, and takes notes.