Dina doesn't have a family anymore.
She has JJ, but two doesn't make a crowd. Sure, she could argue that she has Maria and Jesse's parents and her friends, all of them looking out for her. It's still not the same.
It never will be the same.
…
Dina is cradling JJ close to her chest when the door knocks. She presses a light kiss on top of his head and murmurs, "Who might that be?"
JJ blinks at her with a face too serious for a one-year-old. It brings a smile to her face.
Dina opens the door.
Maria stands on the other side of it. "We found her."
…
Maria explains on the way; the patrols found her delirious, riddled with scars and bullet holes, trying to climb up the hill to Jackson. No horse, no backpack. Nothing but a single, bloodied knife. One they had to pry from her finger, even after she's passed out. "And that's not…" Maria trails off, looking away.
"What?" asks Dina.
Maria purses her lips. "It's better if you see for yourself."
Dina's heart hurts.
It breaks completely when she sees Ellie.
Back at the farm, it was so easy to pretend that she was fine. That they were fine. Sure, Ellie had her ups and downs, but she was doing better.
That's what Dina kept telling herself.
But now, it's easy to see how wrong she was.
Ellie's face is paler than the white sheets of her cot, mingling in terribly with the reds and purples of her bruises and scars. The healers have cleaned her up as best as they can, but there's no hiding how thin Ellie's gotten. They've cut up her shirt and replaced it with a too-loose hospital gown, showing how her collarbones and joints poke out of her skin.
Nausea rolls in Dina's stomach.
Jesus, how did she not see it before? Ellie is as gaunt as an infected.
But the truth is, Dina has seen it.
She just chose not to acknowledge it.
That's when she notices Ellie's fingers.
Or rather, the lack of them.
A strangled sob escapes Dina's throat, and Dina pushes her hand into her mouth in an effort to subdue it.
It's a vain effort, because one moment, Dina's standing, and the next, she's on her knees, curling into herself, wailing like her world is crashing down. Which it is.
…
Maria asks if she wants to stay for the night. "I could set up a sleeping bag right here, if you want," she says, gesturing to the spacious floor next to Ellie's cot.
Dina does want to.
But she shakes her head. "Can't. I should be with JJ."
"I could babysit him for the night."
"No. It should be me."
"Dina—"
"Don't," she says, stepping back and hugging herself. "She and I are…" She swallows. "I can't. I just can't."
Not again.
Not after everything that happened.
Maria frowns, then nods. "I understand."
No. You don't.
But Dina shoots her a fleeting smile anyway.
…
"Do you miss her?" Dina whispers to the sleeping JJ that night. He doesn't answer. Dina presses her thumb against his tuft of hair, caressing it with a feather-like touch. "I don't."
Only the quiet of the night can hear her lie.
…
The next day, Maria tells her the first thing Ellie does when she wakes up is to call out Dina's name.
Dina tries not to think about that.
…
Dina refuses to visit Ellie, no matter how much everyone keeps pestering her about it. Even Cat, who, by the way, broke Ellie's heart two years ago, tells her, "She really misses you."
Yeah, well, she shouldn't have left her family, Dina wants to say. Not for some twisted revenge bullshit.
But she just smiles and says, "It's really none of your business."
…
After a week of her arrival, Ellie begins appearing in Jackson.
Dina would see her, early in the morning, as she strolls around town with JJ. Letting him bathe in the sunlight. And watch the older kids play. And tell him stories of how the world used to be, even if she herself doesn't believe it. (C'mon, a technology that lets you talk with someone face-to-face from another continent? Yeah, right. Like she'll believe that.)
Ellie would see her too, with that same bright green eyes of hers, the same eyes that took her breath away years ago and takes her breath away now.
But Dina never smiles back.
And Ellie never approaches her.
…
Dina opens the door to find Ellie on the other side.
"Hey," Ellie says, her flannel hanging loose over her body, her hair pushed back.
"Hey," Dina says.
Silence.
"Is, um—" Ellie's gaze flicks over Dina's back. "Is JJ here?"
"Yeah."
More silence.
"Can I... see him?"
Dina blinks. Blinks again. She wants to say no, wants to tell Ellie to go fuck herself. But she can't. Not with Ellie's eyes looking so vulnerable, not with her smile so shaky.
Ellie's still standing there, her hand readjusting the strap of her bag.
Dina sighs. Hangs her head. Then steps away. "Come on in." Ellie steps in, her converse making no sound as it steps onto the floorboards, her eyes raking in every detail of Dina's new house, lingering on the windows. "There's no one here but us," says Dina with a roll of her eyes. "Stop acting like an infected's going to jump at you."
Ellie bites her bottom lip. "Sorry," she says, and tries to chuckle. "Old habits, you know?"
Great.
Now Dina feels bad.
Dina leads her to JJ's room, and gestures to his crib and his bundled-up form inside. Ellie kneels down on one knee, her smile impossibly soft. "How's he been doing?"
Sad that his mommy is gone. "Oh, you know." Dina shrugs. "Fine."
"Good. That's good." Ellie grips her bag, then unslings it, and rummages through it. "I, uh… I got him this," she says with a small smile, pulling out an elephant plushie two times the size of Ollie.
"Where'd you get that?"
"Found it yesterday while I was patrolling."
"Wait—" Dina's jaw slackens "—you're patrolling already?"
It hasn't even been two weeks. What was Maria thinking, letting her walk around a potentially dangerous area in her state?! Dina's going to kill her.
Ellie's small smile falters. "Yeah, uh, it…" Her grip on the plushie tightens. "It calms me." Dina searches her eyes, but Ellie refuses to meet her gaze. Clearing her throat, she stands up, places the plushie on JJ's crib. Her hand lingers, and hovers near JJ, but she never touches him. "I should probably get going."
No. Stay. Please.
"Yeah, uh, c'mon," Dina says, and leads her out.
Ellie lingers on her porch. Right as Dina moves to close the door, she asks, "Are you doing okay?"
I should be asking you that. "I'm fine. We're both fine. No need to worry."
Ellie nods, her face lightening. "Okay," is all she says before she leaves.
Dina tells herself not to cry. Or scream. Or break something.
Or do all three.
…
Ellie keeps checking in on JJ, and offers to babysit him multiple times. Dina rejects every single offer. The truth is, she doesn't like Ellie being so close with JJ. JJ needs a steady figure in his life, and Ellie isn't that. Ellie will never be that.
Dina has learnt her lesson.
…
They make another gathering. Dina doesn't want to go, but she goes anyway, with Cat, of all people, watching over JJ. She remembers their last gathering. With her and Ellie slow dancing and kissing. With Ellie's eyes so wide and uncertain, her movements stiff against Dina's swaying.
"I'm… just a girl. Not a threat."
"Oh, Ellie. I think they should be terrified of you."
If only Dina knew how right she was.
She knows Ellie did everything she did for survival. For their survival. Yet her mind replays every shot Ellie's pulled against an unsuspecting WLF member, every stab Ellie's inflicted against a dog doing his duty.
It's not that Ellie kills. It's how she kills.
"She's staring at you," Maria says. Dina blinks back to reality to find that she's right.
Ellie is staring at her, holding a punch.
And once she sees that Dina is staring back, she looks away, rubbing her neck. Swallowing. Pursing her lips. Glancing at Dina again. Squaring her shoulders.
Dina quirks an eyebrow at her with a silent question.
With a long exhale, Ellie approaches her, with a smile so hesitant it warms Dina's heart.
Damn it, Ellie, thinks Dina. Stop making me feel things. Doesn't she realise how cute she can be?
Maria's gone by the time Ellie arrives. Typical.
"Hi," says Ellie.
Dina flashes her a tight-lipped smile.
Ellie looks down at the punch in her hands. She says, "So, uh… the reason why I came here is because… I've been meaning to talk to you about something." Ellie looks up at her. Dina says nothing. "R-right. I, um… I wanted to apologise."
"What for?"
Ellie closes her eyes, her brows furrowing. She opens them again. "For leaving."
Dina clenches her jaw. "You know it's not that simple, right?" Ellie's face falls, and Dina's jaw tightens. "Saying sorry isn't going to fix everything."
Ellie looks down. "I know that."
And Dina hates it. Hates how Ellie doesn't fight back, doesn't offer any snark or quip to lighten the mood, doesn't even have the nerve to look at her.
Dina opens her mouth to say something—
—and that's when the explosions begin.
…
It's a blur.
A chaotic, horrifying blur.
One moment, they're having a gathering, and the next, Ellie's pulling her away, knocking a table over to use it as cover, and she's screaming something, but Dina's ears are ringing, and her mind is too muddled to think.
Ellie snaps her fingers at Dina. "—ey, hey, damn it Dina! Snap out of it!" Dina blinks. Blinks again. Ellie grabs her cheeks, moves her face close to Dina's, and for one delirious moment Dina wonders if they're going to kiss. "Do you know where JJ is?"
JJ.
Oh my god, JJ!
"Dina! Tell me where he is!" shouts Ellie against the gunfire and screaming.
"A—at Cat's place," says Dina. "She's—she's babysitting him."
The light in Ellie's eyes dim. Her face hardens into that of a neutral look. It is horrifyingly familiar. "Alright," she says. "Let's get him, then."
…
Ellie is normally a hesitant girl. She's quirky, she's awkward, she blushes and stutters a lot, and she cannot for the life of her express what she wants to say. All of her jokes are dad jokes, which is understandable given that she's learned them from Joel.
It's why Dina fell for her. There's just something about Ellie, something about her eyes, the shape of her chin, the quirk of her smile, and the faint freckles dotting her face that makes it impossible not to love her.
But there's another version of her. One Dina wishes she could forget.
And that version has resurfaced.
Ellie picks up a shard of glass. Sneaks up on the shooter. Stabs it into his neck. Uses his body as a shield against the other shooters. Aims his gun and fires. Tosses it away once the building is empty from threats. Runs towards the other bodies, grabs two guns, and tosses it in Dina's direction.
Dina doesn't think; she catches it, letting instinct guide her into checking the ammo, feeling the weight of the gun.
"C'mon," Ellie says, running outside of the building and into the mayhem.
Dina follows.
...
"You go, I go."
...
One guy dies. Another one dies. Lots and lots of people die.
And Ellie doesn't seem like she regrets nor enjoys it.
She looks like she's mildly irritated. Like this is all an inconvenience for her.
Dina finds soldiers marching into Cat's house, screams "NO!" and aims, but Ellie beats her to it before she can squeeze the trigger. They lie down, blood splattering everywhere.
Dina runs into the house. Finds a horrified Cat holding a crying JJ.
"Oh, thank goodness," she says, taking him from her. Checking to see if he's injured in any way. But he's not. He's just shaken up.
Can't blame him. Not like she's exactly whelmed right now, either.
"C'mon," says Ellie. "We can't waste time."
…
Cat dies.
So do a bunch of others. Their friends. Their family.
Their home.
Everything, gone.
All in the space of a night. Of a few hours.
Dina cradles JJ in one hand—a clothing slung around her to keep him close—and holds a handgun in the other. But she doesn't need to.
Ellie is a killing machine, after all. And Dina has never been more glad to be on her side. She can't imagine what it must be like for these soldiers. To hear something shattering, go and investigate, only for a knife to tear into your neck. To see your friend's chest tear open with an arrow, before an explosion tears the life out of you.
Ellie never once takes a break. Or speak. Or make any sound. She aims and fires without looking, switching from holding one large gun to dual-wielding two smaller guns.
There's a moment, a single moment, where Ellie seems to lose herself into the mayhem. And Dina grabs her shoulder, making her jump and twist around and aim the barrel at Dina's forehead. Dina doesn't falter. "We can't stay here."
And Ellie blinks, clarity returning to her face. She flicks her gaze down at JJ, then nods. "R-right."
Mindless killing becomes necessary killing. And killing altogether becomes sneaking. Soon, she's helping Dina get on a horse, then getting on that same horse, and they're off. Away. Out of Jackson. Leaving everyone behind.
…
Dina's hands won't stop shaking, and JJ won't stop crying.
Ellie takes him from her as they settle themselves in an abandoned building, cradling him and shushing him and murmuring, "It's okay, Potato, you're okay."
And JJ calms down the way he's never calmed down when Dina tries to soothe him.
Dina should thank her, but she's not sure her mouth is working.
Ellie guides her to a worn-out sofa, then pushes her down, blanketing Dina using her own jacket. "Go to bed," she says. "I'll keep watch."
…
Dina wakes up to Ellie's soft voice.
"There we—there we go. That's right. One step at a—shit, that's alright. You did good, kiddo."
On the other side of the room, Ellie's teaching JJ how to walk.
For a while, Dina lies there. Watching. Admiring. Falling in love all over again. She can't help herself. But even if she could, even if she did have a choice when it comes to Ellie, she'd choose to love her. Always.
Ellie sets him down on her lap, and JJ climbs up her sternum, grabbing her shirt for balance. It draws a gentle smile out of Ellie, and she runs a hand through her hair.
JJ grabs that hand.
The one with three fingers.
He makes a concerned sound.
Ellie's face softens, her smile dimming. "Ah. Yeah. That." She sighs, and pulls her hand away from him only to ruffle his hair. "Don't worry about me, kiddo. I'm… I'm gonna be alright."
Dina opens her mouth wide, and forces herself to yawn and twist in her sofa, humming as she pushes herself up. "Mornin'," she says, making her voice sound groggy.
"Rise and shine, beautiful," says Ellie, her smile turning hesitant the way it always is around Dina. She picks JJ up and walks over to her. "How're you feeling?"
"Like shit," says Dina. Then, a thought occurs to her. "Wait, did you spend all night keeping watch?"
Ellie shrugs, like it's no big deal. "Eh. 's alright."
"I don't sleep. I don't eat. I'm… I'm not like you, Dina."
Dina smiles, hoping it's not strained. "Well, thank you. For staying up all night. Aaaand—" she gets up, taking JJ away from Ellie "—for taking care of this little monster."
"It's fine, Dina," Ellie says. "You know how much I love him."
Dina keeps her eyes on JJ, not answering, because yes, she does know. And it hurts.
…
Dina has an extended family from her dad's side. Last she heard, they're all the way down in Jersey. She's never met them. She's only heard stories about them from her mom.
It's not much to hope for, but it's all they've got.
And so, they leave.
…
Running away from the infected. Camping out below the stars. Riding on the same horse, their bodies never not touching.
It's almost like before.
Almost.
But then JJ would start being fussy, and Ellie would pull him close to her and shush him. Dina would complain about her sore back, and Ellie would start massaging her. Ellie would hum a tune, and start telling stories about how the old world was like, according to Joel. And she'd talk about Joel. Sometimes she'd even joke about him. His weird taste in music, his even weirder love for wooden sculptures.
It's not like she didn't care before. There were moments that let Dina know just how much Ellie cared about her. But those moments were scarce. Overshadowed by Joel's death. By Abby's existence. By Ellie's thirst for revenge. Even after they returned to Jackson, the mist behind Ellie's eyes refused to disappear. Dina hoped a new house would fix it. But a white fence and a bunch of sheeps couldn't shoo away the nightmare plaguing Ellie's unconsciousness.
But the mist is now gone, and without it, Ellie looks calmer. Younger. There is a lightness to her smile, an easiness to her laugh. Yes, her smiles and laughs are rare, but they happen, and Dina cherishes them every single time.
One night, with them lying on their backs with JJ between them, staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling of an unfamiliar building, Dina asks, "Did you do it?"
"Did I do what?"
"Did you… do it?" Dina repeats, unable to bring herself to say the words.
A pause. "Oh." A swallow. Then, in a low voice: "No."
"You… didn't find her?"
"I did."
Dina frowns. "Then… why—"
"There was a kid," says Ellie. "A kid, right next to her. She, uh… They were tied down, and I—I freed her." Another swallow. Dina contemplates the fact that Ellie freed Joel's murderer. Just like that. A part of her believes Ellie must be speaking in riddles. "And she didn't even hesitate," continues Ellie. "She just—just went ahead, freed that kid, and carried him." Another pause. "He never woke up, but… I think he cares about her."
That's when it clicks—why Ellie didn't kill Abby. "Oh," Dina says, after a far-too-long silence. Ellie doesn't answer. "Do you regret it?"
As soon as the words fly out of her mouth, regret coils in Dina's stomach.
"No," Ellie says, her voice looser than Dina expected. "I thought I would but…" She trails off, never finishing her sentence.
The rest of the night is quiet, and Dina doesn't sleep.
She's not sure Ellie sleeps, either.
…
More traveling.
Unending traveling.
They teach JJ how to walk. And how to talk. He can't say much besides "food" and "no" and "shit"—which never fails to make them laugh, due to how low his voice would get, and how serious he always looks while saying it.
One night, Dina wakes up to find Ellie nowhere nearby.
She left, is the first thought that comes to her mind. Then, after blinking the sleep away: No, she must be in trouble.
After making sure JJ is hidden and tucked away safely between the bushes, Dina grabs her rifle and heads out into the woods.
She finds Ellie sitting near a pond, staring at her hand. The one with two stumps.
Dina's throat dries.
She's avoided looking at it, when she can. She's avoided looking at Ellie's new bitemark, too, and the dozens of scars riddling her body, whenever she's changing.
The more Dina nears, the more she realises how badly Ellie's hand is shaking. Ellie keeps staring at it, her breaths shallow, her eyes glassy.
"I didn't want to leave you," she says. Dina's steps falter. She stops, then swallows to get rid of her throat's dryness. "Please know that."
"I… I do." And she does. No matter how horrible that night was for Dina, she knows it's equally as horrible for Ellie too.
"I love you," says Ellie. "You and JJ both."
"I know," replies Dina, her steps smaller and more careful. "I know you do."
"It's just—" Ellie's breath hitches. Her hand closes into a fist. She presses its heel against her forehead. "Sometimes—my head, it—I can't stop seeing him—"
And Dina doesn't waste any time hugging her from behind. Maneuvering them both until Ellie's head is in Dina's chest. Until Dina's shirt is wet from Ellie's tears. "It's okay," Dina tells her, "it's okay."
"No, it's not."
Dina tenses. "No, it's not." She presses a kiss on the crown of Ellie's head. "But it will be."
…
It starts off slow. One peck, before Ellie leaves to check if the building's infected. One flirtatious comment about Ellie's ass, as they climb up the ladder.
One becomes two. Two becomes too many.
And then they arrive in Jersey. Find Dina's family, one she's never met before. One which takes her in too kindly, too graciously.
They give Ellie and Dina a small house with two bedrooms, but one is always empty. Dina's not sure who decides they should sleep together; they just do. It's as natural as checking the ammo of your gun before you head out into unknown territory.
There's no such thing as true comfort, not with the infected and the WLF and the Seraphites and the many, many ghosts lingering in everyone's heads, but they manage.
JJ learns to walk. To say more curse words than shit.
Soon, he's not a baby anymore.
He's a toddler.
They have a kindergarten there, and Ellie tells her they should put him there, so he'll learn to interact with kids around his age.
Dina cries when she leaves him on the first day. It's stupid, but Ellie doesn't say anything about it. She wipes Dina's tears away and hugs her. They walk back inside the new house, and Dina calms down, sitting on the sofa. Sighing, she says, "Thanks."
Ellie, next to her, shakes her head. "No problem."
"Not just for today," she says, then bites her lip. "You know, for…"
Ellie looks at her, looking so adorably confused—offended, even. "Did you really think I'd just leave you behind?"
A heavy silence settles over them.
Ellie looks away. "I… I mean…"
"I know what you mean," Dina murmurs.
Ellie closes her eyes. "You and JJ, you guys are… you guys are my everything."
"You are too," says Dina, grabbing her hand, brushing her fingers against the two stumps. "Ellie, I… I never stopped loving you."
Ellie's eyes widen. "Really?"
Dina's smile is watery. "Really."
…
Before, they burned too quickly, too hastily, with no break to ask what this means, what they are, what this will mean for the future. They were teenagers, and they were drunk on love and on adrenaline.
But they're not teenagers anymore. And they start things off slow.
One date, then another.
One kiss, then another. Then, too many. Then, not enough.
The seasons change, and so do they. Ellie's hair grows long enough for her to tie it back again, and she doesn't look as skinny as she did at the barn. She buys JJ a little guitar for his little hands, which she insists is called a "eukuleyla" or something. Ha. Sure. As if Dina would believe a word as stupid as that is actually real.
It's not perfect. Ellie still has her episodes, and Dina would sometimes grow moody and quiet, but they're always there for each other, and for JJ.
And, at long last, Dina has a family again.