CHAPTER FIVE

Would you shed a tear when I die?

When I'm gone, would you cry?

Will my past mean a thing?

Or will you go on and forget…everything?

I had never given much thought to how I would die. I believed most people didn't. They knew it would eventually happen, but they kind of put those thoughts on the backburner, hoping to not have to deal with the issue until they were older.

The truth was more people died from heart disease than any other fate. Tumors, accidents, respiratory issues, and strokes all rounded out the top five ways to die. I had always figured I would be hooked up to some machine, while my loved ones stood around crying, saying their final goodbyes. I'd think most of us believed this, but the truth was, many of us would be utterly surprised if we were gifted with the opportunity to be given a glimpse of the future.

I had my very own crystal ball. A way to know what the future had in store for me, and apparently, my future was short and murky. I was torn. Did I want to know? Shouldn't I try to stop it? But suddenly, I did wonder if Isabella's worries were valid. What if she told me, and I was spared, only to die soon thereafter, but even worse than what fate had originally planned for me?

I was lost and of no use to anyone right now. I'd guess learning you were going to die soon had that effect. My feet wandered, without any given purpose for a destination. They found themselves a spot to stop, and my body flopped down on the nearest chair. My eyes still hadn't even processed where I was. They might not have if my view hadn't suddenly been obstructed by an object popping up in front of me.

"Hey, Dr. Cullen."

I wanted to be left alone, but I was at work, so I mustered up enough wherewithal to focus on the small, dark-haired girl in front of me.

"Yes?" I managed, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I just thought I should introduce myself, seeing as how we're going to be good friends. I'm Alice."

I was sure my face must have said it all. I sighed, irritated, wishing this girl would just leave me in peace. "Friends? Is there something you need? Would you like me to find your doctor?"

"No. You're the one I need to see." She laid her hands on the table and slid them out until her chin hit the table. "I thought I should tell you, I'm friends with Isabella."

"Isabella doesn't strike me as someone who has a lot of friends. Or are you using the word loosely, like you just did when you said we will be friends?"

She pushed herself back up and smirked.

"You're funny. I wouldn't have thought. Bella does keep to herself, but she's in the room across from mine, so I see her often. We have a lot in common, and I find her to be genuine. That's hard to find in a place like this." She looked around and then lowered her voice, "Look, I know you're going through a hard time. I'm sorry about that. But you needn't worry. Things can change. You still have time to change it."

"Isabella told you…about me?" I asked, somewhat surprised Isabella would speak to another about what future she saw for me.

"No…not exactly."

I groaned in frustration and stood up. "Look, I have a lot to do. If you don't need help, then…"

"I don't need help…can't say the same for you, however."

I began to walk away, but unfortunately, the annoying little gnat decided to follow me.

"I know it's hard for you to believe. But I had something similar happen to me like what happened to Isabella. Bella," she corrected herself. "Anyway, I thought you'd want to know that I can help."

"Help? Why, do you see death, too?" I asked, somewhat hoping she would say yes. Maybe then I could go back to the theory of Isabella not having some mystery power, and she was just delusional after all.

"No. Thankfully. You know, I never knew how blessed I was until I met Isabella. I can't believe what she has to endure. How horrible. Poor girl. I'm holding out hope that you…"

"Why are you following me?" I snapped, effectively ending her babbling.

"Because, if I don't talk to you now, nothing will change, and I'd imagine…you do want to live, don't ya?"

I stopped walking and turned back to her, folding my arms over my chest defensively.

"Well, now that I have your attention…" she replied superiorly. "Everything will be okay as long as you do what I tell you…"

"Isabella told you how I'm supposed to die?" I interrupted.

"No. But Bella can only see the end. I, however, can see it all. You can choose to ignore me. Think I'm just crazy. Go ahead, but if you choose to be stubborn, all I see is blood. Lots of blood. You see, it's already been set into motion. All the elements that lead to your death have already begun. If you continue to not listen, you'll be dead soon, and then the only thing you'll wonder in the ten or so seconds you'll have before you drop will be, why didn't I just listen to that adorable, beautiful girl instead of swatting her away?"

I gritted my teeth and relaxed ever so slightly to wait and hear what she had to say. It seemed I wouldn't be rid of the annoyance until I let her have her minute of my time.

A minute of my time. I used to think I had so many, and now, how many did I have left? Sixty minutes in an hour. Twenty-four hours in a day. One hundred and sixty-eight hours in a week…

"Hey! I'm not going to stop pestering you until you listen," she snapped her fingers in my face.

"God, why do you care so much? Why can't you just leave me alone? Do I need to see your doctor about upping your medication?" I snapped.

"You don't believe in over-medicating," she challenged.

"I might make an exception."

Alice folded her arms and waited. I sighed once again and gestured for her to continue.

Another patient began to try and pass by us. Alice's eyes followed them, even though the rest of her body didn't move an inch. Once they were gone, Alice's eyes focused on me, and instead of the light, good-hearted face she had bopped into my line of sight with a few minutes before, her whole demeanor had changed.

"You want to know why this is important to me?" she asked quietly. "Because this doesn't just affect you. Everything you do from here on out will determine not just your life but Isabella's….and even mine."

I narrowed my eyes in confusion as she continued.

"All life is, is a series of dominos. You knocked a domino down, and now, it'll mean an ugly, violent death for you. Isabella will never recuperate. She'll witness your death in person, and even though you haven't known her for long, it'll ruin her. I know you're new to all this…supernatural abilities stuff…but Isabella and I aren't the only ones with abilities. She can see how you're going to die, and I can see all the different paths the dominos take as they fall. You need me, and unfortunately for me, I need you."

"Why do you need me?" I asked.

"I wish I could say, but I can't give too much away. This is something you need to find out for yourself. The only thing I can leave you with now is some advice. Stop focusing on your own shit. As hard as it is, you need to do your job. Help your patients. One of your patients, whom you've already so painfully neglected, is the first domino. If you can't save her…we're all dead."

And just like that, she finally gave me the peace I wanted. Alice turned on her heel and walked off before I could question her any further. Finally free of being pestered, and suddenly, I wished she were back.

The pounding in my head began, something that had come to harass me ever since learning of my timely fate. My feet backed up towards the wall, until my whole backside collided with it. I rubbed my thumb and middle finger over the temples of my head to try and stave off the harsh effects of my impending migraine.

"Dr. Cullen?"

I groaned, but thankfully not too loudly, for when my eyes looked up, I saw Dr. Molina heading for me.

"Dr. Molina," I said, jumping up from my slouch on the wall. "My apologies, I wasn't feeling my best. I must be still acclimating to the weather."

He waved me off and pulled his glasses from his coat. "I saw you speaking to Miss Brandon. Alice."

I gave a noncommittal shrug.

"What did she want to speak to you about?"

I wasn't sure what I should tell him. I didn't want to lie, but in this case, I believed the lie would be better than the truth. If I told Dr. Molina the truth, he might send her to the north ward, wondering if she needed more supervision. I hadn't decided if I wanted to believe her, but I needed to keep my options open.

"She just said she wanted to be my friend. Not really sure what to make of it," I replied.

Dr. Molina shook his head and looked down the hallway, as if he was expecting to see her pop out.

"Strange girl. I mean…obviously crazy, but she's new, and I've been trying to get an honest read on her for a while. You should see her file. Been in and out since she was a child. I'm trying to ascertain if she's just crazy, or if she has…"

He stopped himself abruptly, seeming to have said too much. He shook his head and smiled with a little laugh. "Never mind. That's uh…a story for another time. Hope you're getting along with your patients."

He slapped me on the back before walking off toward the common room. Feeling lost with all the unusual conversations I'd had that morning, I decided to spend my remaining free time in my office.

I sat down in my chair. The files of my patients were still sitting there instead of being filed away properly.

Alice said I had neglected one of my patients. That neglecting the patient was what led to my death. My mind began to go over every one of them, wondering how one person I failed to help would be what led me to my bitter end.

As the names and issues ran through my head, I began to see the problem. I had been so focused on Isabella that I had failed each and every one of my patients. How many times had I been caught lost in thought, while the person on the couch poured out their heart, expressed their anger, and placed faith in me by speaking of their most private moments?

I was disappointed in myself. I had set out wanting to help, and so far, in the few short weeks I had been here, I had been useless.

Jessica Newton. The name was toward the top of my stack and sticking out of the pile somewhat more so than the other names. I thought back to how I had failed her. After Isabella had told me she saw me dying, I had canceled our session. An already fragile person, and I had practically shut the door in her face.

The first domino.

Alice said I had painfully neglected the first domino. I didn't have to search through my patients to figure out who was the first domino. I knew deep down just by thinking back on all my sessions.

So, did this mean Jessica would be the one who would kill me? I couldn't believe that. Even with her questionable past, I couldn't believe she would have it in her to make a bloody, violent kill.

I grabbed her file and went against my personal rules to read it fully. I knew a little of her sordid past. She had met her husband in high school and had married him straight after graduation because she was pregnant.

Michael worked long hours in order to afford a living for his new bride and child on the way. Jessica stayed at home, and since they couldn't afford to live where they had grown up, they had moved to a lower-income area. Jessica was practically cut off from all her family and friends, since she now lived so far away.

After she had given birth, it had only been a couple of months later when she would become pregnant again. Two kids in two years took a toll on her. Michael wasn't around to help, since he had a long commute to work, and Jessica fell into postpartum depression after the second child had arrived. She hadn't sought help for her condition, and Michael didn't seem to think anything of it other than hormones that would eventually level out.

Almost a year after her second child had been born, Jessica had put both of her kids into a bathtub. Michael found her passed out next to the bathtub, both kids drowned. It was ruled an accident, but Jessica had been mandated by the court for counseling services and parole. Michael set into motion a divorce, and Jessica checked herself into Cedar Pines. She still didn't remember if it was an accident, or if she had meant to kill her kids.

I wasn't sure either. If I knew one way or another, it would be easier to figure out how to treat her, but I'd guess there would be no easy pass to help me through this. I pulled open my lower desk drawer and saw a bottle of old scotch the previous tenant had left behind.

If there were ever a time to need this, it was now. My hand reached for the bottle, and just as I gripped the bottleneck, my phone's ringer pierced the air, nearly making my heart stop. No need to worry about that, I thought bitterly, grabbing the phone.

"Dr. Cullen," I grumbled.

"We have a patient need in the women's wing."

"Okay…" I said, with a slight question in my voice.

"You're the doctor on call…"

I snapped out of my laboring thoughts and stood from my creaky chair. "I'll be right there."

I ran my hands down my chest to smooth out any wrinkles and grabbed my white coat. This was my first call. I should feel a sense of excitement for this moment, and yet, I was so overwhelmed with the events that had transpired, I couldn't find it in me to muster up what I needed to care.

The strange girl's warning crept to mind. Alice had said my death was determined when I failed a patient. It seemed ironic that the one thing I wanted to do, prove myself in this field, would be my ultimate downfall.

I shook my head to rid it of the confusion and focused on the task at hand. As I opened the door leading to the wing that housed the women, I heard the commotion before I even saw anything. The screaming and yelling led me to the correct room.

"NO! I want out! You're not going to keep me here! You're not going to turn me into one of them!"

I found two orderlies holding a thrashing girl to her bed. I walked into the room and saw the young woman before me. Her hair was a mess. She had scratch marks up and down her arms. Her face was covered in what I imagined was her own saliva.

"Dr. Molina has her on Clozapine, but we need you here to give the order to administer a higher dose," a nurse said, handing me the chart.

I looked the girl directly in the eyes, and she was angry.

"You're just like the rest of them. You're not going to cage me up!" she threatened.

I nodded toward the nurse to go ahead with Dr. Molina's drug treatment plan. The orderlies finished strapping her to the bed.

"Your drugs aren't going to work on me!" she began to yell.

"Miss Webber, please, try and calm yourself. We're not going to hurt you," I tried.

She began laughing hysterically.

"Miss Webber…"

"Miss Webber…"

She stopped laughing and looked back at me. "You're so naïve. You have no idea what's really going on, do you?" She flopped her head back onto the pillow and laughed once more, "…and even when you do finally figure it out…" she looked back to me and sang, "…it'll be too late."

My feet involuntarily backed out of the room, disturbed by her creepy warning. I already had enough going on, I didn't need another supposed psychic sending me ominous messages.

My back hit a wall, and I took a deep breath. I looked down, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw two slipper-clad feet appear.

"She's right, you know."

It was Isabella.

I looked over and saw her hugging the doorframe.

"I had a visit from your friend today. She seems to be playing the same game you are."

"I don't have any friends, Dr. Cullen."

I smirked and shook my head. "Alice…she said her name was Alice."

"The strange girl," Isabella replied.

I laughed and raised my brow.

"I'm not that strange," she defended, finally looking at me. She cringed…barely. I noticed she tried to not look at me unless she did so involuntarily. "In fact, if you took what you knew about me away, I'd probably be very boring. Alice, however, I think would always be strange. She talks as if she knows me. Says we'll be friends. I don't have any friends. She must be on some really good meds."

"I think she says that to everyone she talks to." I pushed off the wall and turned to her to ask, "Just curious, what do you see when you look at Alice?"

I was genuinely interested. If Alice was a psychic like she claimed, wouldn't she be able to see her own death?

Isabella shook her head. "I don't see anything. It's kind of foggy. It's the same for her," she said, walking towards the room with my unruly patient. "Every once in a while, it just happens that way. A lot more since I've been here. I wonder if it means I'm slowly losing this…ability. Wouldn't that be amazing?"

"Alice told me she knows what leads to my…untimely demise. She said she's like you. She can see more, however. She said…my negligence with a patient is why I end up the way you see me. She seems to want to try and help me. Save me…"

I could tell my words had some effect on her. Her shoulders tightened.

"I don't know, Dr. Cullen. I can only see the final moments. I'm not really privy to what leads up. I don't even have any audio track to go along. I can sometimes read lips, but only when it's practically on the day. But I still don't know if I want to help you."

She began to pace near her door.

"What if it's as I say, and I tell you, only for you to die some other way, only even more horrible?" She stopped and walked to me until she was nearly a few inches from my face. "I see it! And it's horrible. Even now, while I stare you in the eyes, all I see is blood, and your face is twisted in such agony. Your eyes beg me for help that I can't give. The scene is…horrifying. The only thing more horrible is if I help you, and you end up dying even worse than what I've seen."

"Then, that's on me. You're not responsible for how I die, Isabella."

She scoffed and walked away.

"You're not responsible, Isabella!" I said with more vigor, hoping to get it across.

"How am I not? I can tell you. I tell them all. I try and change their murky futures. Even though I told you about the nurse, you still did nothing. Don't you feel guilty? Don't you feel responsible? I know you do. If you're responsible, then so am I."

She rubbed her head, and her fingers tugged at her hair.

"I'm in a constant Catch-22. Help and it could be worse. Don't help and be responsible."

She walked back towards the room with Miss Webber and looked in to find her fast asleep, still shackled to the bed.

"You're not responsible. You don't need to put the weight of the world on your shoulders. Let me help you. Trust me, Isabella."

Even from the back, I could see the hopelessness from her small frame, as she decided what to do. Should she listen to me? Should she attempt one more try at helping someone? Would I die worse off than what had been fated?

"If you want to live…leave this place. Leave and never come back."

She walked back towards her room and disappeared behind the door.

I wanted to listen to her. Leave my shift right then and there, jump into my car, and drive as far away as possible. However, I knew if I left, I would never be able to help Isabella. I couldn't just leave. Could I?

Isabella said I had almost two months before she saw my demise. I had a little time left. I should stay…right?

AN: Thank you for all your kind reviews. I really appreciate the time you take. I've had a lot of people ask if this will be a HEA. All I will say is that it's not your typical happy ending but the two main characters don't die. All I can promise. Hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving and remember what really matters in life. We don't know when our number is up and the last thing any of us want is to leave this place in regret. Be thankful. Feel blessed. Live with a kind heart.

Thank you to DOLLYBIGMOMMA for editing!

STORY IS MINE. CHARACTERS BELONG TO STEPHANIE MEYER.