Breathe
Charlotte lay bare against the luxurious queen size bed of her room at the Blue Rose quarters. A forlorn expression displayed in her features.
If it hadn't just been a smidge of his voice heard from several meters away across the pavement, and seeing those familiar hazel brown eyes again from the busy streets of the clover kingdom. She might have made it another night without thoughts of him plaguing her mind.
Though mostly, thoughts of him were blissfully. As it consisted of trance-like daydreams, sat in tranquility with her desk during a busy paperwork duty, or under the pleasurable moment under the sheets. Today, she just couldn't help but feel aggravated by him.
The blonde captain frowned as she took a pillow beside her and hugged it tightly against herself.
Sometimes, she had forgotten how strongly she really felt for him.
And it kind of bugged something inside of her.
At the meetings, when he was away. Whenever she kept seeing the empty seat right next to her, Charlotte couldn't help but feel sour about it. Despite her complaints regarding that matter to him. truthfully so. She longed for his presence just seated right beside her in those meetings so much.
And when they were adjourned, her day felt unfulfilled not seeing him walking on the same hallways as she does. Those were some of the small moments that filled in the gaps of her very bland and colorless life.
And so, She kept herself busy during his absence. The same old usual. She took on too many solo missions that even her squad had suspiciously questioned. Whenever she did paperwork, she took on every single piece of paper that she could find. Fixing and finding the rightly solutions to every conflict that appeared right in front of her. She even managed to finish the most unnecessary ones that didn't needed that much attention. And whenever she had nothing to do. She'd make sure to arrange something just so she could find something to keep her mind busy.
It became manageable as the time passed by.
But after hearing those deep gruff baritones once again, while being greeted by those familiar smirks that he gave her, just shattered what resolve she had in her body to keep it together.
That familiar smell of pine, smoke and light booze immediately radiated something inside of her.
To anyone else in those busy streets, she might have just looked like she was giving him a straight-laced stare. Steely, aloof, and regal all the same. A royal knight that extruded arrogance. But deep inside, she was just any woman whose legs turned putty whenever she saw the man who did surmountable things to her heart.
How dearly she had missed him, truly so, but when was ever a day that she didn't?
And for how long will she still keep this thing going on?
A feeling of guilt washed over her as the realization caught up to her. The time flew fast as days turned into months, and months turned into years. No signal to express her feelings. Not a shift in their professional relationship has occurred.
It's been nearly a decade now.
The blonde captain sighed, Her breath shook, squinting her eyes, blonde lashes fluttering against the fair complexion of her skin.
She gazed at the empty space right next to her. The bed was very comfortable and luxurious. But it was too spacious enough to make her feel really lonely.
For whenever she opened her eyes after being lost in her usual daydreams, she was always met with the crushing reality of how distant they truly stood to each other. And that they could have nothing more than the camaraderie they shared. And to be perfectly honest, she was getting quite tired of it.
How pathetic. The blonde captain thought sadly.
Though her squad had been surprisingly supportive of her feelings for him. At the same time, She had been the one who was the problem. She tried a few times. But her prideful timidness had always seemed to have won out.
No matter how hard she tried. Charlotte just couldn't seem confess to this stupid boorish man.
But perhaps, she wasn't the only problem. There were a lot of unreasonable things that Yami have said, that led her to leave the confession at the back of her throat.
Charlotte rolled to her side. A curtain of her hair fell in soft wisps against her plush pillows.
Feeling quite unrestful, and releasing yet another sigh, Charlotte sat up, the sheets pooling underneath her hips. And took in the sight of the expanse of her room. Her attention however was instantly stolen away by the glowing moon just outside of her tall window.
It was such a magnificent view that she couldn't help but feel melancholic just by gazing at it, yet having to see its luminescence soon followed the bittersweet memories that came flowing in.
The captain of the blue rose knights was once again pulled by another memory. Back to the time when her briars had instantly bursted through her grimoire. As variations of thick thorned stems scattered all around the plaza, while flashes of blue tinted her view indicating the color of her roses.
And as quick as the blink of an eye, her briars have covered up and crawled on the entire village. While she was there, failing to attempt to suppress the immense power of her magic.
She remembered how the curse had considerably intimidated her, that it even made her question her own strength. She remembered how utterly hopeless she'd felt. That despite her crucial hard work her efforts had still amounted to nothing.
Charlotte was crushed, and she was just at the lowest point in her life where she'd lost hope, and let herself succumb into despair.
But just as the curse had cocooned her inside of her own thick Briars. An unruly man had come into view. Slashing thorns of blue roses in his path.
It had only been a millisecond. But his words had awoken something inside of her.
And suddenly, she gained a sense of clarity, as the world around her looked so much brighter where everything else just made sense. There was a certain rush of affection, and warmth surged through her whenever she gazed at his eyes at the top of that tower.
And for the first time in her life, as the briars began to cease themselves around her, The curse crumbling down to mere ruins.
With his words, he unbounded her undefeatable curse so effortlessly.
And what's worse was, Yes the curse had been broken down, however, it created a new stigma that can never be cured just like any other curse that has an unbinding condition or a poison with its antidote. What happened next was just much worse. And she had never expected that right at that moment that it would happen to her. It was all too perfectly timed.
She fell in love.
And with this man named Yami Sukehiro.
Of course, she was taken aback by this. No one could ever understand how undeniably frustrated she'd felt. He was a crude boorish, foreigner, that had a lot of unhealthy habits he was incapable of changing. She had worked and trained so hard for so many years. She'd tormented her very existence just to fight off the curse. And yet this man. This sole beef of a man had done the impossible.
Yes she'd eventually come to terms with her feelings after that. And for the first time in her life, she'd actually felt this small spark of excitement inside of her whenever the subject came to be the black bull's captain. He had secretly been her small pint of joy that made living to her somewhat delightful in her own years of existence. And none of the riches that she owned could ever amount to it, not that she took mind to it that much.
She felt the best whenever she knows how her feelings to him rung true. That just being beside him was enough to fuel her passion for everything that she did.
Unfortunately, Though her love for him had served as a ground for inspiration. After so many years, she still wasn't capable of vocalizing her feelings to him.
And now, as she gazed at the enigmatic view of the moon, The captain of the Blue Rose knights had regretted how much she took all of those years for granted.
Charlotte had to admit, she hadn't been truly living an honest life. And that was why she had never been able to experience the joy of becoming genuinely happy
She didn't know what it felt like to be carefree. To laugh until her lungs were depraved of air. To feel freedom whenever she wished it. She had been too busy trying to be this perfect royalty who took importance of her dignity more than anybody else.
Charlotte wished she was capable of being more selfish. And that she hadn't lived her life exactly abiding by the rules or the people's imposition of her. Though her parents had been adamant about her involving herself in the battlefield. She still felt that the lifestyle of a royalty, still followed her in this sense of freedom she gained when she insisted on staying as a magic knight.
There were still instances were she was expected to sit pretty, become the obedient wife that was ideally imposed for any royal family. If she'd make a mistake, it was brought down upon her. And just like that her dignity would be on the line.
.
But maybe, if she had ended up confessing to Yami years before this predicament, before she was but a young teenager excused to make mistakes, even if the brunette captain hadn't ended up choosing her. She might have already felt a semblance of this freedom already, and a race that was well deserved to ease her mind.
Maybe consistently having to attain perfection at such a young age hasn't actually benefitted her own happinesss and satisfaction at life.
Maybe she also became too dependent on her romantic feelings for Yami so much that she abused it to fuel her own happiness. Where was sitted there and thinking that everything was just perfect. Where she was content and satisfied just by working alongside him. Even though at the back of her mind, she knew that she deserved far better.
It was scary how she kept living like this.
But what terrified her the most was how impractical her feelings for him had become.
And that it created a guilty and an unhealthy habit that hindered her from forging out her own individual happiness.
She wanted to fall out of love. No, she needed to.
After all, her feelings for him were getting out of nowhere.
It's time that she moved on. But she was moving on in a way we're she'd finally open up more doors of opportunities for herself, to become stronger, without relying on her feelings for him and become genuinely happy as she should be.
The past ten years proved that she will never have the courage to spill out her feelings the way she'd desperately wanted to.
And, as far as she knew, she knows Charlotte Roselei wasn't a nonsensical and impractical woman.
And so, The blonde captain decided. That this time, it was going to be completely different.
She couldn't promise tears won't be shed. But she will yield to the fact that this was going to be a new chapter in her life.That this was going to make big changes for her. And that it was going to be the best for her.
From now on she was going to be the one who was holding out her own feelings. She won't depend her own happiness on him anymore. She'll discover it herself.
She was going to get over Yami Sukehiro. Even it meant to be a thorny process for her heart. No matter how bloody it will feel or how much wound it can conflict her. She will do it.
Yami yawned and flexed his back to stretch in some sore muscles from his sleep. His back gave out a satisfying crack as he sighed in relief.
Man, he was only 28. He wasn't that old. And he worked out. The definition of his big muscles contributed to that fact. Yet here he was, having some sort of spine problems.
Maybe he'd have to visit the quack to get something that would help him with it.
Yami looked in the cracked mirror that lined in with the basin of water inside of his room. Scratching his stomach and stifling another yawn. He groggily checked himself in front of the mirror to see more stubbles from the overnight growth of his facial hair. Tracing it with his calloused fingers from his jaw to his chin. His alabaster skin had a few small bumps of moles and lightly scattered freckles over his nose, but nothing that entirely noticeable that took too much attention on his usual features.
He splashed some water on his face to clean himself up. And after he dried his face with a small cloth, he took one last look at himself before he noticed something.
Were those wrinkles?
Suddenly feeling a bit woken up. Yami squinted his eyes to inspect the area around his eyes. His big physique hogged up the whole mirror to himself.
He checked the thin corners of skin, And indeed, there were a few small barely dented patterns that adorned it.
Okay, so he had wrinkles.
But the last time he'd checked, he hadn't had that many pronounced frown lines on his forehead before. Yami gave out a grumpy noise. He hadn't always taken the time to check his appearance by the mirror. He couldn't remember, but somehow, the last time he truly took the time to check out himself was when he was 20 years old. The age where he dated girls from left to right and where there wasn't a night that he'd ended up with a woman on his bed
Perhaps he really was getting old. His mouth pouted a bit annoyed by it. of course, he still comes around from time to time. Perhaps he just wasn't in the mood lately.
He knew aging was inevitable. But he also couldn't' help but feel something about it.
Yami gave another teary yawn. He took one index finger and pulled on one bag of his eye. Even the dark circles that seemed to line below it wasn't looking that great.
Nothing he can do about it. Yami sighed tiredly. He didn't get that much rest for over the last couple of months so that much gave reason to it.
He also wasn't really one to dwell with this kind of vanity. Insecurities were already a real wreck when it came to his teenage years. Yet it was different having to relieve something like this in his adult years.
Setting up to get prepared, The first thing that Yami ever did in the morning was to fish out for his pack of cigarettes, and after finishing a stick or two at the balcony, the captain will summon the space mage to teleport him to the toilet.
It had quite become the daily habit that spurred on when he accepted the space mage as a knight on his squad. He mused, the kid's a wimp, but he's got a lot of potential. He just needed a lot of chances to develop himself. The strawberry-blonde space mage might think he's a worthless waste of space right now, but his magic can be attributed into a lot of things.
As for now, it was mainly for sending Yami to the toilet.
Through his intimidating and brutal features. As an unusual fact, the captain tends to get a lot of constipation episodes. Sometimes he'd sit in the toilet for hours on end, just trying his best to unload everything in his gut.
Luckily, today wasn't one of those days.
"Glory." He muttered to himself. trying to sit more comfortably on the toilet.
He blew out a cloud of smoke and took the daily newspaper beside him.
While Yami sat, crouched on the small toilet and cramped comfort room. Occasionally giving his cigarette a blow, momentarily leaving the paper in one hand.
The headline article caught his eye.
As a start of a grunt, he brought it near his face upon closer inspection.
"Well, I'll be damned." His eyebrows furrowed. As smoke billowed his sight from the cigarette hanging between his lips. Taken aback by the hot issue glaring right in front of him with bold big letters.
The article read, "Charlotte Roselei, Captain of the Blue Rose Knights, Engaged."