I do not own any aspect of Twilight, characters, plot, etc.
Trigger warnings: predatory behavior, gaslighting, child neglect, anxiety, panic attacks
CHAPTER 3: Shadows are not easily left behind
As I crawled into the backseat of my car, I kept 'listening' to Bella Swan's emotions. Rosalie, who had gone ahead of us, was already behind the wheel, with Alice and Emmett filling her in on what she had missed.
But I ignored everything else, closing my eyes, listening, reaching. Her emotions were a kaleidoscope, strangely mature for her age, and so loud they were impossible for me to ignore. Everything she felt, I knew, she felt deeply; I couldn't recall ever feeling anything like it in another being. Esme's love for her family was close, I thought. But not quite.
At the same time that her emotions ran deep, they were strangely difficult for me to touch and manipulate. When she'd been gasping for breath on the bathroom floor, I'd done my best to breach the tidal wave of panic, with only middling success, just like it had been in Outfitter's last week. Physical touch might have made it easier, but from how she'd reacted to Alice, I knew it would've been counterintuitive to try.
I'd been constantly aware of the small brunette all day, from the second I walked into the building. Anxiety, fear, trepidation, misery- muted by the distance, but shouting over the quiet feelings of the rest. Sitting next to her in study hall was the first time I'd felt anything remotely positive from her, and all I could do was bask in the warmth of her contentment.
I hadn't read a single page of my book the entire hour.
Never in my long life had I been so- conscious of another being's emotions. The spike of terror from her after lunch made me jump out of my seat; I'd been halfway down the hallway before I'd caught myself, sharply detouring into the men's restroom.
Our car drove out of the lot, and I sighed to myself as the human's exhausted, weary emotions slipped out of range. I was at once grateful and irked by the distance.
"What do you think caused it?" Emmett's voice jerked me back to them. He was unusually serious, and I knew that both of us had felt inexplicably drawn to this small human who apparently spent most of her time drowning in anxiety.
"I don't know," I said quietly. "At the Outfitter's last week, she said Mike Newton had unnerved her. But I told you already she's been jumping out of her skin all day."
None of us could figure out why I was so aware of the human girl. It was odd, and put us all on edge, especially when Edward had mentioned at lunch he couldn't hear her thoughts.
Alice hummed from her seat next to me in the back. "Newton was in her gym class," she said. "He was eavesdropping as I talked to the coach about Bella, and he looked disappointed to hear she wasn't coming in."
I frowned, suddenly irked. That didn't seem like a coincidence, but I'd never gotten aggressive emotions from Newton- not, I amended, that I'd spent a lot of time looking before.
In fact, this semester was the first time I'd actually been trying to be more aware, if not involved, in the lives of the humans around us. It was part of my new resolution to myself.
Last spring, for the first time since joining the Cullens, I'd been put in a position where a student had injured themselves around me, and I was alone- no one to draw me away, no one to save the child's life.
Somehow, even with the bloodlust ravaging my senses, I hadn't done it. I looked in their eyes, saw a face, not food, and walked away.
A novel experience. I had to drain three giant stags before I was back in control, but I'd immediately gone to Carlisle about it.
"Well Jasper," he said, a thoughtful expression on his face, "I imagine you just… decided not to."
I looked at him, waiting for the rest of it. When it was clear he was done, I frowned.
"It cannot be that simple." My tone was dry and irritated all at once. His amusement didn't help.
"Sometimes it is, though of course, easier said than done." He smiled. "Exposure undoubtedly helps. But knowing that they have lives, just like we do, helps you remember that they're people, not food."
It was a pivotal moment. I'd realized that I'd been relying on Edward and Alice to see or hear me "slipping," instead of taking responsibility for my own control.
So I resolved to do better, hunt more frequently, and get more exposure. Emmett, who loved to be around humans, was my escort as we spent more time around them this past summer. We went to bars to watch sports games with the men in town, which is how he got to know Chief Swan. We went shopping in town to replace our gear instead of just ordering it. I went to public parks and bookstores to read and people watch, 'tasting' the emotions around me.
That was the whole reason we were in the Outfitter's last week. Of course, the minute Emmett found the chief walking around, I got bored with their conversation on sports, and wandered, quite unintentionally, toward the loud, panicking emotions I'd felt.
Her sweet scent had hit me a second after her panic, and I'd been stunned at the strength of the burn in my throat, when I'd been much more acclimatized after a summer 'socializing.' But then she was there, rounding the corner, falling, all fear and panic and hopelessness.
And suddenly I could ignore the burn, even with her wrapped in my arms. Even more surprising, when she caught sight of me, she felt no fear- just gratitude, awe, embarrassment.
She was afraid of the Newton boy, terrified even. So frightened she'd instinctually stepped towards me, the most dangerous creature she'd ever meet in her life, for protection.
For help.
And that was it, I thought. The draw. No human had ever looked to me for protection before, even unconsciously. All of them registered, on some level that our kind were predators to their prey. All of them felt uneasy around us, never knowing why. And with me, even my own kind were wary- my scars speaking for themselves, inspiring fear at first glance.
Not so for Bella Swan.
The anomaly of it continued today. Her emotions hummed with anxiety and fear, even during lunch. But she enjoyed our company, mine and Emmett's. And in that bathroom, her profound relief at the sight of me of me crouched over her shook me to my core.
Rosalie pulled the car into the garage at our house, and I climbed out of the vehicle on autopilot.
"I don't get why you guys even care any way," the blonde girl complained as we all walked inside the house. "It puts us in danger to interact with humans that closely."
Emmett grinned, darting forward to kiss his wife on the cheek. "Yeah, try the other leg, Rosey. How many times have you saved abuse victims in the last decade again?"
Rosalie huffed, but I could feel she wasn't actually irritated. She did have a saving people thing- brought on, no doubt, by her own tragedy.
Emmett sobered up though as we all walked into the living room. "I don't know what it is, exactly," he hesitated, and then added quietly, "she just reminds me of family somehow."
It was quiet for a moment, and then Alice chimed in brightly. "That makes sense; she and I are going to be best friends, after all."
Her confident tone brought some raised eyebrows, even as Emmett grinned while he set up his game station.
"Who exactly are you all talking about?" Esme appeared downstairs, popping around to greet each of her 'children' with a hug. She looked around. "Where's Edward?"
"Finishing last period. He said he needed to go to the office after class," Rosalie quipped, settling onto the couch with her magazine. "He's got his car."
Esme was about to say something when Alice gasped suddenly. I turned to her, taking in her rigid form and faraway look. A vision, and not a good one.
"Oh dear," Alice whispered. "Edward's leaving."
What?
"What?!" Emmett and Rosalie gasped, staring at Alice intensely. I put my hand on Esme's shoulder, trying to ease her sudden spike of anguish.
"Alice, what happened?" I said calmly, catching her eye for a second before she was in another vision.
"It's Bella," Alice murmured. "She's his singer. They have biology together after lunch; he's going to try to change classes, but it doesn't work, so he's leaving. He'll be on his way to Carlisle any minute."
"Will he come back Alice?" Esme gripped my hand on her shoulder with surprising strength.
The tiny vampire blinked, coming to again. "Yes, I can't tell how long yet, but I don't think it will be too long."
I barely heard her as she rushed to fill Esme in on who Bella was and what happened today.
Biology after lunch; Bella's spike of fear was in that class. The memory of her curled up on the bathroom floor, struggling to breathe, hit me again, followed by my own surprising rage.
"Alice."
She stilled; they all did. I didn't often get angry.
I looked into her dark gold eyes. "Did he hurt her? In biology?" I growled quietly. "Is that why she had that panic attack?" Emmett's feelings spiked across the room; fear, anger, worry.
Alice shook her head, uncertain for once. "No, not that I saw. Maybe he just frightened her? In my vision, he wasn't acting like himself."
I nodded, and tried to get my anger under control. There was no cause for it; this girl shouldn't mean anything to me, to us.
And yet.
She was Edward's singer, driving the normally staid and controlled vampire to flee. To Emmett, she felt like family; already I felt burgeoning protectiveness and affection from him, and they'd barely spent any time together. Alice claimed they would be best friends, and no one bet against Alice.
Her emotions sang like a siren to me. She felt comfort and safety in my presence, and I was drawn to it.
Who was this human girl that, in one day, managed to send earthquakes through our monotonous existence?
(At first, I didn't know what had woken me. Unease spiked up my spine, but not for any reason I could pinpoint. Slowly, I blearily blinked open my eyes, and found I was in my bed, facing the wall.
It was dark, the only light coming in from the street light outside my window.
What had woken me? I couldn't figure it out, and I was so tired. It'd been a long day at school, fraught with more bullying from my classmates than normal, and then I'd had to work a shift at the grocery store afterward. I just wanted to sleep, and forget the stress of the day. Especially since that man had come home with Renee at dinner.
I wanted to forget how his eyes had stalked me like prey from across the room all evening.
I rolled onto my stomach, head still facing the wall, trying to will myself back to sleep. But then I heard the creak of footsteps in the hall. It felt like I was electrified; I realized what had woken me- I'd forgotten to lock my door.
Before I could move, the doorknob creaked. I fought to keep still and feign sleep, my heart racing in my chest; I couldn't see, but I knewIknewIknew who it was-
Footsteps crossed the room slowly. The air around me felt like static, and I kept my eyes closed, hoping against hope he'd leave. 'Please,' I begged internally, 'just go away.'
I didn't need to see him to know he was standing over the bed. One moment passed, then two, and I suddenly felt the air shift. I didn't know how I knew it, but I knew he was reaching out to touch me. I was frozen in fear, caught between flight or fight.
He never got that far.
"Honey?" Renee's voice from the doorway. Relief nearly made me break my cover. "What are you doing in here?"
"Nothing, baby." His voice made my stomach twist in fear. "I just thought I heard a noise in here, wanted to check on our sweet girl." 'He's lying, mom!' I shouted in my head, willing her to hear it, to protect me. Unwilling to move, stricken still.
"You're so thoughtful," Renee cooed. "But come back to bed Andy, Bella is fine."
"I'll be right there." Renee's light footsteps signaled she was leaving, so easily lead by this man who turned her head. His heavier footsteps followed her to the door a moment later. I held my breath, hopeful.
The steps paused, and I could feel his eyes on me from across the room. "Another time, Isabella." The door closed.)
I shot upright.
The room was dark, lit only by the streetlight outside and for a moment I was still there. I scrambled up, running for the door-
There was no lock on it. And, bewilderingly, it was even on the wrong wall. I turned around, confused, heart beating wildly, tears on my cheeks, gasping for breath.
This was not my room in Phoenix. The layout was wrong; in Phoenix, there was no rocking chair. I took a step towards the window, blinking wildly as my eyes adjusted to the low light.
A light knock on the door jerked me around, almost sending me careening into another panic attack.
"Bella? Honey, are you alright?"
A man. But that was not his voice.
I didn't realize I'd opened the door until Charlie was in front of me, still dressed in his pajamas. And then I was throwing myself into his arms, crying, shaking, so very relieved to find it'd all been a nightmare.
A memory.
To his credit, Charlie barely stalled. He wrapped me up in a hug, shushing and soothing me like I was still a child. It was a while before my panic calmed; I opened my eyes to find he'd turned on the lights, and somehow, without me realizing it sat us down on the bed.
He'd pulled me into his arms, was rocking me back and forth with my head buried in his shoulder.
"Do you feel a little better, Bells?" One of his hands was rubbing soothing circles on my back. I nodded, still too upset to speak.
It took a bit, but finally I felt calm enough to pull away, wiping my face with the back of my arms. He reached over to my nightstand to hand me a few tissues. The digital clock showed it was just past one in the morning.
He watched me as I wiped my face, concern furrowing his brow. I kept my eyes down to the floor.
"Bella," he finally said, waiting until I looked at him. His mien was somber. "Will you tell me what that man did?"
My lip wobbled. "Nothing, Dad. Nothing happened." Even to my own ears, I sounded bitter.
Because it was the truth, as far as the law- as far as Renee was concerned.
I wasn't raped. I wasn't assaulted, or molested.
Renee's boyfriend had creeped me out, but that wasn't a crime. In fact, all of her boyfriends, with the exception of Phil, were sleazy dirt bags in my opinion. But all the ones before Andy Richards had ignored me, not a one interested in Renee's daughter. Especially since she wasn't even interested in me, I thought, resentful.
Andy had, too, at first. And when I first noticed the side-long looks, I'd written it off as my imagination in the beginning. But then the man was everywhere- outside the bathroom door when I came out of the shower. Sitting at the kitchen table while I cooked. Standing in the doorway while I did my homework in the living room.
Always staring.
And then the little touches started. Just brushes as he passed me in the too small kitchen, or the cramped hallway; on my shoulder, on my back. It only took a few before I was giving him a wide berth, desperate to avoid any situation he could take advantage of. I started locking my door on the nights he stayed over.
"I don't believe that for a second," Charlie growled. "If he touched you, I'll-"
"He creeped me out," I whispered, looking at my hands. "He was just- staring. Always staring at me."
I my breath hitched with a sob, and Charlie's hands reached over to grasp my own. "Mom- Renee- she didn't believe me, Dad. She called me a liar."
That night Andy crept into my room had been the first and last time. But it was the argument that followed the next day that made me feel alone and cornered.
I'd confronted Renee about her boyfriend. About the staring, the touches. How I'd been awake the night before.
"You're being ridiculous, Bella," she laughed, dismissing my concerns with a wave of her hand. "Andy loves you; you know, you really need to be more trusting of people."
I frowned, confused. "Mom, you're not hearing me. He's always staring at me. I'm worried he might try something-"
"Like what?" She cut me off, suddenly sharp, a complete one-eighty from a moment ago. "He's not a fucking pedophile Bella." I flinched. I didn't understand; why wasn't she backing me up? Why was she so mad?
"And anyway," she continued flippantly, "you're not his type, baby. You were born middle aged; you never want to have fun. And you're too scrawny." She emphasized her point by poking my scrawny hip, a direct contrast to her womanly curves.
I'd lost ten pounds over the last two months she'd been dating that man, just from the stress.
Suddenly I was furious. She was my mother. She was supposed to protect me, not poke at my insecurities when I came to her, scared out of my wits.
"Are you serious?!" I seethed. "Mom, he came into my room, in the middle of the night! He-"
"That's enough, Isabella!" Renee shouted, jumping up to get in my face. I flinched back, wide-eyed. "You're not going to ruin this for me! Who I see is none of your concern, and I won't tolerate you spreading these lies just because you're wanting a little attention, and the boys at school don't notice you."
Her words had cut into me like a knife.
She'd stopped bringing Andy around as much for a while, and I started barricading myself in my room when he was there, literally. I took showers at school in the gym just in case, for once thankful for my most hated class. I even picked up as many shifts from work as possible, determined to spend as little time at the house as possible.
I barely ate. I slept even less.
It seemed like overnight I developed an anxiety problem, and a paranoia of being stared at. I felt hunted, like prey. Like any day now, I'd turn around and Andy Richards would be standing there with his smarmy grin on his face. Alone with me.
And at every turn, Renee was there with her snide comments on my behavior. She made me feel like I was overreacting, imagining things. Like I was going crazy.
It went on that way for another six weeks. Charlie had, like every other year, shown up the weekend after the spring term ended, ready to take me to California for our annual vacation together. Instead, he found me severely underweight and sleep deprived, and jumped into action.
I know at some point he must have privately confronted Renee about Andy, because a week and a half after Charlie showed up, the two of them broke up, and the creep disappeared. I hadn't seen him since.
I was still looking over my shoulder, though.
I blinked when Charlie lifted one of his hands to cup my cheek. My own brown eyes looked out from his face, nothing but love and concern there.
"I'm sorry she treated you that way, Bells," he whispered, wiping my tears away with his thumb. "But I'm telling you now, if anyone- past or present- has ever hurt your or ever does, you tell your dad. I'll take care of them."
"And just so you know," he continued, "even if this guy never physically touched you- that doesn't mean it was nothing. He, and your mother, betrayed your trust and left you with scars. That is not nothing."
And then I was starting to cry all over again. For all that I disliked this small town, I wished in that moment, more than anything, that Charlie had raised me.
Because maybe then I wouldn't be so unused to feeling loved and cared for.
"I love you, Dad," I whispered, leaning in for a hug. He pulled me in tight.
"I love you too, Bella," he whispered into my hair, dropping a kiss on my head. "And I'll never let anyone hurt you again."
I wanted to believe him.
For anyone curious, the first chapter was about 4,500 words. The second was closer to 7k. And this only made it 3,500. I'm not really going for word count in each chapter, though I feel the 4k mark is a good goal post.
Honestly, it took me almost two weeks write the last chapter because I already knew what I wanted in this one. I'm still contemplating how to frame the next one, but it's going to be while Edward is gone. I think I need to reread those chapters in Twilight/Midnight Sun to compare, but you can expect more Emmet/Jasper/Alice/Bella scenes. I wouldn't expect the update to be as quick as this one, though.
For those worried about OOCness: in my mind, Major Jasper Whitlock of the Southern Vampire Wars would have more control than what SMeyer gave him. I'm utilizing the epiphany he had in Breaking Dawn (when he was upset that Bella didn't struggle with the diet), but set a few months ahead of this story, as you read in his perspective.
Emmett would definitely chafe at having to avoid people, especially when he's so boisterous. And according to Midnight Sun, the only reason Alice avoided being friends with Bella sooner is because of Edward's indecisiveness. That won't be a factor in the same way here. Explanations on the Alice/Jasper relationship will be forthcoming also, but maybe not in the next chapter. We'll see.
And yes, Rosalie is totally an avenging vampire for the defenseless. You can't convince me otherwise.
Finally, for my Ao3 readers: I received a message about incorrect tagging. I apologize if my incorrect archive warning/tags caused anyone any harm, it was not intentional. I believe I have fixed the issue though, however if anyone finds otherwise, please feel free to message me.
See you next time. -I.C.