I believe it’s customary here to write a giant essay’s worth of useless and boring trivia about yourself, like listing all of your favorite TV shows, movies, video games, fictional characters, character ships, etc. Luckily for you, I’m not going to waste your time with that.

As you can infer from the fact that I’ve written a bunch of PG-13-ish fics based on a lackluster Nick cartoon with all the depth and nuance of a kiddie pool, I am one of those people who really enjoys animation and a favorite pastime of mine searching the internet for some good fan content paying tribute to my favorite animated characters. Fanfics are such a thing, though finding the good ones is like searching for an oasis in the Sahara.

If handled properly, fanfiction can provide compelling, imaginative and entertaining works of fiction where the creators are free to put their own, unfiltered vision on full display for the fandom to enjoy (unlike with professionals working in the industry), and which do the canon material justice and might even surpass it. If not then……well, then they provide exactly what the average joe perceives fanfiction as (which is true for 90% of fanfiction out there to be fair). I try my hardest not to be part of that 90%, though quality is kind of subjective.

I appreciate constructive criticism more than anything. An author can only improve so much on their own without the aid of an outside critic's perspective. I'm not the kind of guy who will cry and bitch over someone talking negatively about my work and "threaten" to quit writing because of it. That said, I don't care much about short and vague comments of any kind (be it insane praise or immense hatred) as they are of little use in helping a writer better themselves. If you want to voice your opinion on my work, you better include a healthy dose of constructive commentary if you want me to pay any attention to your comments outside of a brief, snarky comeback. Granted, this only applies to the odd writer who does actually show potential, but unfortunately, they are far more of them where you can tell from their summaries alone that they have zilch potential as content creators XD

Secondly, I am someone who values creativity and originality, which is why I, by default, tend to dislike “fandom fads”, things such as specific plot lines, specific pairings, response fics directed at specific episodes of a show and so on, that repeatedly pop up in virtually every fandom thanks to the aforementioned creatively-stagnated writers who prefer to simply follow a popular fad instead of doing anything remotely original. Good fanfiction is born out of your own imagination, not by copying other peoples’ ideas and oversatirizing them.

And lastly, I have a very firm opinion on artistic liberties with fanfiction, a.k.a when writers deviate from the source material. If you’re writing a story based on a series or movie which had very strong writing, well-developed characters and a clear, solid and well-thought-out vision from its creator, then by default, I frown upon fics that deviate from the original a lot and use it as a means of exploring tropes and storylines that have little to do with the series/movie in question. If it’s the opposite scenario and you’re tackling a series/movie that was poorly handled in every conceivable way, then by all means, go wild with the liberties, especially if you’re dealing with a work of fiction that had potential but was badly botched, which neatly segways into to my own work.

For the last few years, I’ve been busy writing stories about the Loud House, a show I have become extremely disenfranchised with as it went on. While I originally thought that this was a decent but still flawed cartoon, not anything all that good (what would you expect from modern Nickelodeon?) but harmless and charming, my stance on the show has greatly changed since Season 1. Oh boy, did it change! The Loud House is not a cartoon that suffers from blatantly obvious problems as much as it is plagued by a whole plethora of small issues that, when assembled together, form one giant problem: a painfully underwritten show that lacks a real premise to get you hooked and does nothing but throw shit at the wall to see what sticks.

The characters are one-dimensional, wishy-washy and oftentimes too stupid and/or unlikable to get invested in, they lack any interesting interpersonal dynamics to latch on to (which is a major draw with any assemble cast), the animation is stiff and unexpressive, the plotlines are bare-bone and predictable as hell, the pacing is incredibly rushed and rarely allows for any emotional beats to sink in, concepts such as morals and karma are often handled in questionable if not backhanded or flat out hypocritical ways, the humor is minimal and oftentimes nonexistent, and ever since the start of Season 3 it has suffered from a ludicrous lack of focus (even worse than before), thanks to a misguided attempt at world-building. Lincoln’s relationship with sisters has suffered the most from this, with them having practically drifted apart in favor of Lincoln hanging out with his boring clique of friends, despite the show’s intro and marketing advertising it as a series following the family dynamic between the titular siblings. When a show flat out forgets its own main premise, you know it’s in deep trouble. And its plummeting ratings reflect that XD

To say nothing of the fandom….shudders….. Let’s just say that I do not have the highest opinion of people who claim to like this show and similar ones unironically.

So, why the hell am I still writing fanfics about this cartoon? Sometimes I ask myself the exact same thing. At the end of the day, it’s mainly because the Loud House is one of those shows where I became enthralled with the concept, which made me turn a blind eye to the shabby execution for a while, but the show was determined to break me by refusing to utilize any of its potential. Fanfics based on bad works of fiction that try to morph it into something more palatable and interesting have always fascinated me, and my fics (inadvertently) wound up being just that, a reimagining/deconstruction.

For the above reasons, my stories are strictly AU, merging concepts from the show with my own ideas. I take things that I think work or at least have potential, while fine-tuning and ironing out things that don’t work, and outright discarding the show’s most annoying elements (of which there are plenty).

Originally, I had jumped on the bandwagon of doing dark, self-serious LH stories but I eventually dropped that pretense (and I’m currently kinda embarrassed of them) and started leaning more towards dramedy, a tone that tries to play some of the content straight but also has more absurd moments as well as a snarky, tongue-in-cheek satirical edge. Seriously, who could ever take these silly characters seriously without some much-needed levity and silliness coursing through every chapter? XD

When it comes to the characters, besides reimagining the Loud siblings (or at least the ones I chose to focus on) and their parents as more fleshed-out, consistent and palatable characters, e.i Lincoln is the sensible straight man without constantly holding the idiot ball, Lynn is more considerate and an actual thinking, feeling person instead of a one-note meat-headed jock, we delve into Lucy’s thoughts and feelings and why she is the way she is, we explore Lisa as a child scientist more, Lynn Sr. and Rita actually acting like responsible parents, ect., I also trimmed down all the fat that plagues the show, namely it’s other, all forgettable and useless characters and put the focus squarely back on the family, though with several OCs also taking up focus, but unlike the canon “supporting characters”, these OCs are more naturally interwoven into the main premise instead of being distraction that constantly take us away from it. Most are antagonists anyway.

These include:

The Taylor family

Ryan Taylor, age 12/13, if you want to read any of my stories then you’re going to have to put up with this guy, since he’s in most of it. Originally introduced as a bully in Broken Family who gave Lincoln trouble and came into a scuffle with Lynn, one disastrous camping trip later, he made peace with the Louds and became a staunch ally of theirs, or at least for the Louds he likes.

A person who’s easy to like Ryan Taylor is NOT. He’s a rude, jaded, cynical, smarmy and perpetually sarcastic smartass with lax moral standards and is very candid about the kind of person he is, and always feels the need to keep on the appearance of being the toughest, most charismatic guy around, with varying degrees of success. Unsurprisingly, he rubs Lincoln the wrong way and, initially, earned Lynn’s wrath. But he has a lot more in common with them than they first assumed. Not having had the best childhood or family life, Ryan learned to be self-reliant, resourceful, pragmatic and capable of taking lots of punishment, a true scrappy trooper even if his goals are seldom noble ones. And no, he doesn’t angst about it, he prefers never to bring it up XD That, along with his athletic prowess, eventually helped him become fast friends with Lynn after the initial trials and tribulations, with him becoming smitten with the rough and tumble girl long before that. As he became more integrated with the other Louds, namely in Second Chance, Ryan quickly showed a more loyal and altruistic side, showing that for all his boasting about being a bad boy, he really is just a quintessential jerk with a heart of gold.

In Second Chance, we see his budding romance with the equally rowdy Lynn develop, along with his fondness for trolling and annoying the moralistic and straight-laced Lincoln, though even that is veering into vitriolic pals territory. He also strikes an odd friendship (and romance) with Luan, to whom he not only relates to but also enjoys her quirky personality. Similarly, he also takes an immediate shine to Lucy, specifically because of her weird and morbid hobbies (which he finds nothing if not cool), as well as Lana, since she was the first person to be unconditionally nice to him, and shows a surprisingly patient and brotherly side when interacting with them. On a less positive note, his meeting with Lola and Lori results in hate on first sight (for obvious reasons). While initially intrigued by the prospect of a Jimmy Neutron-esque child genius, Lisa’s tendency to have her experiments go haywire and put everyone in mortal danger did not endear her to him. His attitude towards Luna is marked by pure indifference, mirroring my own disinterest in her character XD

In terms of appearance, Ryan is not a pretty boy. He bears a remarkable likeness to Lucy, with black hair, pale skin and dark eye-rings, and eyes that are always bloodshot. He’s lanky and sports crooked teeth, and his appearance tends to scare people. His wardrobe consists of a red backward cap, black t-shirt with a snarling tiger head, dark blue jeans and white sneakers, and at some point he also acquires black bicker gloves and for winter, a leather jacket. Rest assured, Lynn has mocked him for trying to look edgy.

Renee Taylor, age 14/15, Ryan’s older sister, who has been a minor character until Second Chance. In contrast to her brother, who has always been something of a loose cannon, Renee is scholarly, well-disciplined and mature, too much so one might say. Unfortunately, she shares her brother’s cynicism and condescending attitude, minus any sense of humor. Renee is dour, humorless, stoic and a typical example of a minor trying too hard to be an adult, the ultimate killjoy. Naturally, the two siblings don’t get along and don’t even entertain the pretense that there is some sort of sibling bond between them, mirroring the dysfunction between the Loud siblings, only these two are more open about it and aware of it.

In contrast to Lincoln’s sisters’ tendency to meddle, Renee couldn’t care less her brother’s affairs, unless they directly affect her life in a negative way, and treats him as a lost cause. Her treatment of him has undoubtedly contributed to his bad attitude.

Despite her superficially nerdy appearance, Renee’s as tough as Ryan and can hold her own in a fight. Growing up with him made her that way. Recently, she has earned the spot as the Louds’ babysitter, and has made it no secret that she views the family as a bunch of socially-unacceptable freaks, long before they actually gave her some good reasons to despise them.

She has shoulder-length black hair, a small mole on her chin and, although it’s hard to notice due to her aversion to smiling, she has the same crooked teeth as her brother (it’s a family defect). She tends to dress plainly and practically, usually in simple jeans and polo shirts.

Marceline, Ryan’s Savannah cat, and the only character besides some of the Louds that Ryan has shown indubitable compassion for. Being in tune with her natural feline instincts, she’s feisty, tough and independent, but generally friendly and approachable, at least when interacting with the humans. When meeting Cliff and Charles, she shows that her master’s mean streak has rubbed off on her, but also his capability not to be a total jerk.

She’s tall and sleek, has tawny fur with wildcat-like fur patterns and emerald eyes, and notably larger than a normal house cat. She also serves as a contrast to the lazy, inept and pampered Cliff, who doesn’t even know where meat comes from.

Mr. and Mrs. Taylor, a couple of business people and Ryan and Renee’s absentee parents, who have never appeared “on screen” so far and are always away on some long business trip, conveniently whenever the Louds or any other characters are near the Taylor residence. They never seem to be at home period and pretty much left their children to raise themselves. Needless to say, their neglect was probably a major reason for why Ryan and Renee turned out so messed-up.

Antagonists

Lyle Owen, age 12/13, a local thug who gave the Louds some serious grief. Called a bully by the protagonists, but has shown to be much more dangerous and callous than a mere bully. Originally introduced as Ryan’s lackwit lackey in Broken Family, who showed none of the former’s moral standards, though in Second Chance they become enemies from the get-go, Lyle became consumed by revenge in both timelines after getting his ass creamed by Lynn (and Ryan), and effectively declared war on the Louds. Second Chance sees him trying to execute one poorly thought-out revenge scheme after another, which largely end up backfiring, but he keeps going, fueled by his irrational grudge.

Aggressive, brash, callous, weak in the head but making up for it with plenty of muscle, Lyle’s one true goal is to be the toughest kid on the block, a position he feels deeply insecure about and lashes out at anyone who might pose a threat to it. Although defiantly a physical threat, especially to the younger protagonists, his lack of wit and cunning make him something of a joke and a villainous underdog, and Ryan relishes in mocking him and treating him as a non-threat. But that, in some ways, make him far more dangerous, as for all his shortcomings, Lyle is anything but a quitter and will go to hell and back to prove to his opposition that he’s a force to be reckoned with.

He has acne, bad teeth, a monobrow and sports a brown fauxhawk, which is why Ryan’s insult of choice for him is “Mohawk Moron”. His wardrobe involves a black denim jacket with torn sleeves over a black-and-white t-shirt together with grey, torn jeans and combat boots.

Also, his cousin is none other than the inexplicably popular emo girl Maggie, who takes on the role of his reluctant lackey (more out of apathy than moral standards though), whose sound advice is always ignored by the hot-headed Lyle.

Kathleen Tisdale, age 13/14, Luan’s classmate and sworn enemy from middle school, who could be considered the true main villain of this story. Being a stereotypical alpha bitch, Kathleen’s got it all; she’s filthy rich, stunningly beautiful and the head cheerleader, which naturally makes her the most popular and influential student at school and has most boys going gaga for her, and by extension has most of the student body eating out of her palm despite doing little to hide her true nature. She is a cruel and vindictive person who enjoys putting other people down and finds sadistic glee in abusing the school’s resident outcast Luan as much as possible, eventually forcing her to take up homeschooling. She is usually accompanied by two girls named Amber and Jenny, the former is a bit on the dumb side while the latter is shown to be more level headed but still puts up with Kathleen’s abuse anyway cuz money and popularity.

Kathleen can put on a façade of faux affability, as long as it doesn’t inconvenience her, at which point her spoiled attitude will cause her temper to flare up. In spite of that, she knows how to pull strings and be manipulative. Lynn and Ryan quickly earned her wrath by standing up to her and mocking/flirting with her respectively in the latter’s case, and for not being obedient little sheep like everyone else at school. In Second Chance Kathleen (shockingly) comes asking for Luan’s forgiveness and tries to befriend her and her family, having seemingly reformed, something Lynn, Lincoln and Ryan, knowing Kathleen the way they do, don’t buy for a second. But getting the rest of the family to see past all the luxurious gifts is anything but easy. What Kathleen’s deal is in the alternate timeline remains to be seen.

Kathleen has wavy hair which is naturally brown but she tends to dye it into other colors, like chestnut, frequently. She often wears a blue denim jacket over a white, pearl embellished shirt together with tight-fitting black jeans and high heels, along with expensive-looking bracelets and necklaces, but frequently wears all kinds of outfits, depending what’s fashionable at the moment. She’s also commonly seen in her red and white cheerleading uniform.

One Eye, a rogue, man-eating wolf residing in the forests around Royal Wood, thus making him a looming threat to anyone unlucky enough to cross his path. His past is unknown, but one thing is for sure, this lobo does anything but live up to his species’ reputation for shyness and fear towards humans. As his name implies, he received damage to his left eye in both timelines. Vicious, relentless, ruthless and cunning, he’s a cold-blooded killer with only one goal: to quell his hunger. His appearances are when shit gets real, and the kids must band together and literally throw everything they have at him just to keep the beast at bay. Yet against all odds, this one ragtag bunch misfits have evaded his clutches over and over again, something One Eye does not forget.

The protagonists first met the lone wolf when he attacked them on their camping trip, forcing the Louds and Ryan to work together, resulting in Ryan turning over a new leaf after his near-death experience. Although One Eye wound up dying at the end of the story, in Second Chance he is back in action, as the kids continue bumping into him again and again, and where he devourers Geo, and grievously mauls Charles (but he gets better).

He’s a large, robust, grizzled timber wolf with jet-black fur and yellow eyes, and sports numerous ear notches and scars, implying he’s been through a lot.

Stories I’ve written;

Original “trilogy”, made back during my “serious Loud House fanfic” phase, and I feel rather ambivalent about them nowadays for various reasons. They connect to Second Chance mainly in broad strokes, due to some retconning.

Broken Family: Following one final shenanigan that ended up demolishing their house, the Loud kids are torn apart as their parents finally crack after years of growing stress and strain and divorce. Lynn, Luan, Lucy, Lana and Lisa have to confront their past sins and adjust to living with their dad in a crummy little apartment, while also trying to reconcile with Lincoln, who now hates their guts and has run-ins with two middle school bullies named Ryan Taylor and Lyle Owen. In a deliberate subversion of the typical angst-fests associated with LH fics, the sisters and Lincoln manage to patch things up peacefully, even Lynn, despite her stubbornness, sees the light following her humiliating defeat at the hands of Ryan, who found his scuffle with her quite the turn-on.

Weekending with Wolves: While going on a camping trip to relax at the end of summer, the family quickly runs into trouble, as Lana wanders off into the woods, their father goes missing and they bump into Ryan, who came here without his parents' knowledge. Ryan’s attempts to woe Lynn goes about as smoothly as you would think, but the Louds and Ryan are forced to put their differences aside as they have to fend off a wild beast intent on eating them, whom they would eventually name One Eye. A straight-up horror story and it doesn’t pull back any punches when it comes to the topic of animal attacks.

You Know Six’s a Crowd, Right? (Unfinished): Sees the kids going on with their daily lives. Ryan is becoming closer with Lynn, while the Louds deal with their everyday issues at school. After getting caught in a rainstorm, Lynn and Lincoln wound up having an unscheduled sleepover with Ryan, and the other sisters invite themselves over. Meanwhile, Lyle is hiding with his cousin Maggie and plotting revenge. Shenanigans ensue…..at least they would have if I hadn’t soft rebooted the series XD

A Second Chance: The big one, over 400,000 words and growing. Shifts the tone from drama to dramedy, with plenty of absurd elements and even fourth-wall breaks here and there.

Courtesy of a time-traveling Lisa, Lincoln, Lynn and Ryan wake up back at the start of summer with their memories of the bad future intact. With less than two weeks left before the “incident” that caused their parents’ divorce, Lincoln and Lynn embark on a race against the clock to improve their homelike and get their siblings under control, with Ryan coming along for the ride. A serialized story with plenty of “mini-stories” that follow the protagonists’ personal drama and misadventures on each day leading up to the “incident”. With little time left, they must convince their pushover parents to put their foot down and their sisters to dial back their chaotic tendencies for their parents’ sake, which is much easier said than done. Major changes will come to the Louds home, new relationships will blossom (both of the familial, platonic and romantic kind), Lynn Sr. will have to grow a spine and reconcile with Rita, Luan and Lola will have to confront how their behavior has alienated them from their family, Lisa becomes racked with guilt after her experiments put her family in mortal danger, while Lucy becomes suspicious of Lincoln and Lynn’s behavior, while Ryan integrates himself into the family, for the better and the worse. Not helping matters is the return of Lyle, Kathleen and One Eye, who keep appearing at the worst of times as major hurdles in the protagonists’ quest to change their future. Also features robots, ninjas, zombies, super-steroids used by bad guys and plenty of other weird shit I have yet to write.

Spongebob Section

Okay, I have officially spread my wings and established myself as a Spongebob fic writer as well. The way I feel about Spongebob is vastly different than how I feel about the Loud House. To keep things short, while I do have my “unpopular” opinions about certain instalments in the series (I think the second movie was thoroughly mediocre and a lot of commonly cited “gems” from seasons 5-8, like “Friend or Foe”, “Hello Bikini Bottom” and “It’s a Spongebob Christmas” I also consider painfully lackluster), my overarching outlook on the series is pretty consistent with most other fans’; the vintage Hillenburg era is a classic, season 4 is mostly good with some duds but really starts losing steam towards the end starting with “Bummer Vacation” (another episode fans seem to like that I absolutely despise and see as a major jumping off point for Spongebob’s flanderazation), which also doubles as a gateway into the Dark Age of Spongebob (seasons 5 to 9A), the part where almost everyone agrees the show really went bad (and I wholeheartedly agree), before making a surprising comeback in quality with season 9B, coinciding with Hillenburg’s return, until it ultimately relapsed into plain mediocrity around the start of season 11 following Hillenburg being diagnosed with ALS and tragically passing away, and now we live in a world where Kamp Koral exists.

I have no reservations about stating my opinion that with the premature passing of Spongebob’s creator, Spongebob (the show itself) passed away with him and has now officially become “Zombie Spongebob” (I based that name on another fan nickname for another comedy series starring yellow-skinned characters that wore out its welcome at roughly the same time Spongebob first aired).

It’s been a rough journey, which ultimately came to a rather depressing ending, but miraculously, despite all the bad stuff and my general pessimistic outlook, I still managed to cling on to some lingering fondness for this series. The Loud House was never a good show and I was just in denial/wearing rose-tinted glasses, but Spongebob was a legitimately great cartoon for almost four seasons, the Dark Age still produced some gems (like “Frozen Face Off” and “Not Normal”), Hillenburg’s return produced plenty of good episodes and Zombie Spongebob at least has the courtesy not to crap out episodes like “One Coarse Meal”, “Demolition Doofus”, “A Pal for Gary” and “To Love a Patty”, being more of a tapioca flavor than the putrid whale shit that most of season 5-8 was.

Not only do I still have some fondness and respect for what Spongebob is on its better days, I admire it enough that I try to make my fics a direct tribute to it (PG rating, keeping the tone and characterization consistent, make an active effort to utilize most of the established characters, etc.) instead of making it my personal playground for whatever PG-13 dramedy I wish to write and frontload it with several OCs because the original cast is so severely lacking in interesting characters. It’s also a nice challenge to write shorter, more compressed stories that not only aim for a K rating but are also mostly of the “Original Flavor” variety.

But since Spongebob has been on the air for so long, and pretty much any possible story it could have told over its two-decade long tenure has been told, there really aren’t any more “straightforward” plots Spongebob and co can be thrown into (much like the cast of The Simpsons, Family Guy, etc.), so my fics fall into the satirical “Humor/Parody” category, fully embracing my fondness for tongue-in-cheek satire.

So far I have made two of them:

Some Things Never Change: a somewhat funny, somewhat existentially depressing one-shot told from Squidward’s point of view. It follows the idea that over their 20-year run, the cast of Spongebob was subjected to the passage of time, but they and Bikini Bottom at large remained stagnant. Spongebob is now in his early 40s and still a naïve manchild, Sandy uses fur dye and is insecure about her age, Mr. Krabs is making yearly trips to the Fountain of Youth to prolong his lifespan and Squidward has grown somewhat more complacent with his miserable life. Oh, and Gary was actually several different snails, because snails are the equivalent of cats in this world, and you can see where this is going. Patrick and Plankton don’t appear.

Basically may own creative theory for how the show has remained the same for so long without resorting to “comic book time”. My first dip into writing Spongebob fanfics.

A Dash of Logic: People love “fix fics”, but most writers just can’t think past doing the bare minimum, offering cheap and obvious catharsis for people that hated a very specific aspect from a certain episode, and rarely explore the “What if?” scenario for its true potential. So here I took up the challenge of writing alternative endings for various Spongebob episodes from the Dark Age that are actually funny, interesting and offer something new and creative, instead of being just cheap, barebone catharsis. As the title implies, the divergent (and more satisfying) outcomes are the result of one character making a more logical decision than what they did in canon.

Disclaimer: Does not include demonizing Spongebob, Patrick and Mr. Krabs or lionizing Squidward and Plankton. They are all in-character.

To pique your interest, here are how several chapter end (spoiler-free).

A Pal for Gary: Mr. Krabs, Sandy and Squidward arrive on a bigass warship to fight Puffy Fluffy.

Squid Baby: It once again results in a dystopian timeline where Man Ray rules Bikini Bottom, ala “Back to the Past”.

One Coarse Meal: Karen is cheating on Plankton with Spongebob! Non-raunchy of course. Obvious meta joke there.

How the hell did those episodes wind up with those alternative endings? Only one way to find out.