Funerals were strange, Bella thought to herself as she took in her surroundings.
The clothes she wore were completely different from the colorful ones Alice had bought for her. She never thought she could dislike something so strongly, but the color black suddenly made it onto the list of things she really did not like.
Bella watched with a blank expression on her face as the caskets were lowered into the earth. A rose hung in her little hands that remained limp on her sides until she did as Esme did and let the rose go, watching it fall until it landed on top of Charlie's casket.
There weren't many people at the funeral to say goodbye to the girl's parents, and a small part of her hadn't expected anyone to show up since Bella didn't really know many people other than the Cullens. Seeing a few of Charlie's colleagues made her wonder if they liked her father as much as she did when they showed up at the funeral.
The day went by in a blur, filled with tears and confusion that Bella never really seemed to shake away. Carlisle and Esme were with her; she knew that because they never left her side. Either she'd sit on Esme's lap, or Carlisle would carry her once she grew tired. And she was drained.
Tired of feeling sad all the time. Tired of missing her parents and wishing they could just come back to her already. She wanted to run back to their graves, the earth still fresh on the surface, and dig down to the caskets.
Bella knew what she would say to them: Mommy, Daddy, it's time to wake up. Let's go home, okay?
But as much as she dreamed of the return of her parents, Bella knew they couldn't come back. And why would they? Neither Charlie nor Renee wanted her to begin with...
"You can sleep for a bit, Bella," Esme whispered into Bella's ear as she buckled Bella into the car seat in Carlisle's Mercedes. Bella didn't speak, her head falling back against the headrest as she stared at Esme. The woman's gaze was filled with lament as she brushed Bella's hair away from her face, "I'm sorry, sweetheart. We're going home now, I promise."
Home.
The word was like cold water being splashed across her face. She didn't have one anymore. The Cullens let her stay with them...but for how long before they all grew tired of her? What would happen then?
The worry made her feel sick to her stomach to think about it and her eyes flooded with tears as she stared out the passenger side window. As Carlisle and Esme spoke in hushed tones in the front, Bella dreaded the idea of being sent away to another family that wouldn't want her either.
Her shoulder ached more and more with each second that went by, and it made her feel icky inside. Her toes curled in her black ballerina slippers as she tried to control the tears and pain in her stomach.
As soon as Carlisle parked the Mercedes in the garage, Bella tried and failed to unbuckle her seatbelt until he helped her out.
Carlisle's golden eyes looked at her face for a long moment before he placed a cool hand over her pale face, "Are you alright, sweetheart?" He walked into the house with Esme close behind, their black clothes matching Bella's with Carlisle's black suit and Esme's dress. It made the pain in her stomach increase exponentially.
"My tummy hurts..."
They were barely inside the house when she felt it. The sharp wave of nausea rolled in her stomach. She felt it coming, the rush of acid rising from her throat, and Bella kicked away from his hold on her and stumbled away from him, falling to her knees by the entryway seconds before she purged her breakfast.
"Carlisle," Esme gasped as she kneeled beside Bella as she continued throwing up, "Oh, Bella..."
Before Esme could say another word, Carlisle had already gone and returned with a plastic bin in his hands. He placed a hand on Bella's forehead and cursed under his breath as Bella purged into the bin, "She has a fever."
"But...she wasn't sick this morning?"
The sound of Jasper and Edward's footsteps approaching upstairs was overlooked when Bella threw up once more, whimpering when her stomach felt hollow. She was trembling as Carlisle held her small body, rubbing her back to comfort her through it.
"It could be the injury. It might be infected, or it could be the day taking a toll on her," Carlisle spoke too quickly for Bella to hear him, not that she would be able to care much anyway when she started with the dry heaves.
"No...no more," Bella whined as she kept gagging, her tears rolling down her cheeks now as she begged for the nausea to stop, "Please...stop...it hurts."
"I know, baby. I'm sorry," Carlisle paid close attention to Bella's heartbeat before he assessed both her heartbeat and breathing were as normal as can be expected. Carlisle cradled Bella close to his chest before standing up, picking her up as he did. She whimpered into his chest as his hold on her tightened, "It's going to pass soon, Bella."
"What happened?" Jasper asked Esme as he watched his father and the little girl disappear upstairs, Bella's sobs and whimpers making every inch of the empath ache for her.
Esme sighed, "It's been a long day for her. Children shouldn't have to attend funerals so young."
They knew why they needed Bella to be at the funeral, though. It was so that the humans associated with the Swans could see that Bella was taken care of and safe. Alice had already seen visions of nosy folk in town prying on Bella's adoption and eventually gossiping about the death of the girl's parents. Still, if they saw she was taken into a good family, it would be in Bella's best interest.
"She'll be alright...it'll take time."
Esme patted Jasper's shoulder before she turned to clean up the mess in the entryway. Before she could think about grabbing the cleaning supplies, Edward was beside his mother with a sad crooked smile on his lips, "I'll help you clean up."
"We both will," Jasper said as he picked up, the bin Bella had thrown up in and got started on cleaning the entryway with Edward. He looked to Esme when Bella's cries grew a tab bit louder upstairs, "We got this, mom. Bella could really need you right now."
Sensing just how much it hurt Esme to hear Bella's discomfort, Jasper knew exactly what to say to encourage her to go and be with Bella.
Esme thanked her sons with a small smile before rushing upstairs to find Bella and Carlisle in her bathroom as she threw up again.
If there was anything more agonizing to witness, it had to be watching this little girl suffer—that's what Esme thought to herself as she tried to soothe Bella as she continued crying.
After some persuasion, Carlisle managed to give her some medicine to settle her stomach, and as a result, it started to make her drowsy. Esme helped Bella get into the tub to wash up a bit, holding her breath when she caught the scent of blood from the injury on Bella's shoulder. Despite the warm water in the tub, the girl trembled as she hugged her legs to her chest, staring blanking ahead.
If only she could take her sadness away...
"Esme..." Bella said with a hoarse voice as Esme finished helping Bella rinse away the soap on her arms.
"Yes, Bella?"
"Am I...bad?"
The question made Esme falter as she wrapped Bella up in the fluffy towel, encasing her small body in the fabric as she draped the corner over her wet head.
Esme sat back on her heels as she looked at Bella. Placing her hand under Bella's chin, she tilted her head up, "Of course you're not bad. Why would you ask that, Bella?"
She shrugged and raised her arms to the woman, her brown eyes glassy as she stared into Esme's surprised ones. This was the first time Bella ever asked to be carried by her, and Esme felt touched. After she picked her up, Esme walked Bella back into her room and settled her on the bed before moving to retrieve a nightgown from the dresser.
"I'll be good," Bella said through her chattering teeth. "I'll be a good girl...okay?"
"Bella?" Bella's arms reached for Esme again, and to the woman's surprise, she hugged her tight, her little hands closing into fists as they gripped the back of Esme's shirt.
"I'll be good."
The sound of Carlisle's footsteps approaching distracted Esme from questioning why the girl was repeating herself so much and saying this of all things.
"Isabella," Carlisle's soft voice made Bella tense, her head turning slightly to peer at him while keeping her face pressed against Esme's shoulder. The moment he sat down beside them, he placed a hand on her back, "What's going on, love? Why are you saying you'll be good? You haven't done anything to show us otherwise."
It sounded like Bella's heart was kicking around in her chest, a tear rolling down her cheek. Carlisle really hoped that once her emotional and physical wounds have healed somewhat in the future, he won't have to watch the little girl suffer so much. It physically pained him.
"You can tell us. It's the only way we'll be able to help you."
Bella bit her lip before leaning away from Esme's chest, though she took comfort in her and Carlisle's touch.
"P-please...don't send me away. I don't want to leave...I promise I'll be good."
Carlisle frowned and noticed the Esme was mirroring his exact expression too.
"Who would we ever send you away, Bella? We would never do that." Esme said as she pulled the girl a little closer.
"But," it was Bella's turn to frown now, "I don't have Mommy or Daddy now. I don't have anyone to take care of me..."
"We want to take care of you!" Esme tried to reassure her.
Carlisle remained silent for a moment before he reached out his hand to her and cupped Bella's cheek, his thumb brushing away the tears that continued running down her cheek.
"Bella, do you like living with us?"
Bella sniffles but nods.
"Then we want you to be a part of our family," Carlisle said before looking to Esme as she nodded with love shining through in her eyes, "do you want to be a part of our family?"
There was clearly trauma plaguing the girl, which went deeper than the death of her parents, and Carlisle needed her to understand they would never reject or belittle her. That she was wanted...
"Bella, did your mother or father ever tell you, you were bad?" He had to ask to understand the damage that had already begun to fester in the little girl's heart.
Bella hesitated, but soon she nodded, "When I'm too loud or...cry?" Even she didn't seem to understand why she would get into trouble, "M-mommy doesn't like it when I'm bad."
"Come here, sweetheart," Carlisle gently placed her onto his lap, tilting her chin up to make her look at him. When her gaze flickered from him to Esme nervously, he smoothed her hair to reassure her that he wasn't chastising her, "the only time we will ever be upset with our children is when they use foul language to insult each other. When they fight, that's when we get upset. If you don't do any of those things and instead come to us when you need help, then neither Esme nor I will be upset with you. We'll never refer to you as bad. You are not bad, Isabella. Not at all."
"B-but..." Bella's bottom lip quivered as her hands clutched Carlisle's shirt, "If I'm not bad...then why are they dead? Why did they leave me? Why didn't they stay?"
Carlisle pulled Bella against his chest as she cried, her shoulders shaking as she rested her head on his shoulder and held onto him. There wasn't much he could say to her. There wasn't a thing he or Esme could do to make the pain go away other than be with her. So that's exactly what they did.
They sat with her until she cried herself to sleep in Carlisle and Esme's arms. Not wanting to wake her, Carlisle and Esme laid on the bed with the girl sleeping soundly between them, her hands curled around Carlisle's shirt in a vice grip as if too afraid to part with him. Esme watched her husband as he tucked Bella under the blankets to keep her arm and placed a kiss on her forehead, smiling when she caught his attention and whispered, "I love you."
Carlisle smiled as he wrapped his arm around the two girls who meant the world to him and hoped their family could help Bella feel less alone in the weeks or months to come.
Thanks for reading x
Next chapter will have a bit of a time jump!