#19 - Caridad
In a life defined and woven together by secrets, how do you decide which ones to hold onto until the moment is right to give them away…and which do you take with you to the grave?
The sound of children's laughter bounced across the waves, the golden sand, the wiry, crooked arms of the ancient banyan trees, all the way up to where she sat on the wide veranda of the orphanage. Caridad shifted in her armchair, giving voice to a meditative sigh. The Orb sunshine was warm against her skin, and time felt slow – the day had a dream-like quality to it, as if she was living a memory in real-time.
Caridad and the Reverend Malchio had re-settled the orphanage at the end of the peninsula on the outskirts of Orb's capital. Together, they had cared for generations of children, watched them come and go and grow. It was an unexpected partnership. When she first joined the Reverend, Kira and Lacus after Haruma and her had gone their separate ways, she only intended to stay temporarily. But after seeing all these children who needed protecting…after seeing Kira…
Kira…
"Kira!" The gravely timbre of Kira's sister's voice soared through the sea breeze. Caridad shifted her gaze towards the beach, where Kira and Cagalli were leading a ball game with the children.
Cagalli was wagging her finger at Kira in mock outrage, who was kneeling before her, begging for forgiveness with an impish grin. The children rolled in the sand in fits of giggles around them.
Every now and again, one of the smaller ones would look up in open wonder at Cagalli's belly, exposed with her swimsuit on. She was seven-months along, and Caridad had no idea how she was managing to keep her balance on the shifting sand. But if there was one thing Cardiad had learned about her niece, it was she was doggedly determined once she her mind was put to something.
Caridad focused in on Kira, her own precious child, scanning his face carefully. He was smiling, lifting Mai (five years old, an orphan from East Asia) onto his shoulders. Not a hint of anything to suggest he felt a skerrick of jealousy or discomfort. Caridad suspected even if she asked him directly, which to be honest was not characteristic of their relationship, Kira would smile brightly and give a philosophical reply. Don't worry, it will happen in time. Caridad made a mental note to take Lacus out for lunch on her own when she joined them in Orb.
Caridad was now accustomed to the co-existence of great joy and profound melancholy. She had thought the new orphanage would be where she would live out her days, but she was preparing to leave herself. She was moving back to space, to Heliopolis II, formally qualified as a social worker and ready to deploy everything she had learned from years at the orphanage to a new place. Reverend Malchio would stay on without her.
It was a time of change for others too. Kisaka – after years of dedicated service to Orb – was returning to his homeland. "Not keen on another round of caring for an Attha?" she had jested lightly at his farewell dinner. He'd laughed in reply "I think I've done my time. If the child is as rowdy as Cagalli was, Haumea help us," but his gaze was fixed with open pride on the subject of his quip.
Caridad felt a pang of regret about making the move when Cagalli was so close to term. She was looking forward to becoming a great-aunt. But she also wanted to be closer to Kira, the child she had raised as her own.
Except, he was not her own. The bittersweet surrealness of watching the twins together had not waned over time. It was not hard to pick out Via's physical features in Kira, with his gentle violet eyes, spiky brown hair, and endearing smile; but with Cagalli – passionate, curious, always ready to say what was on her mind – Via's emotional presence blasted through like a firecracker.
Not long after the end of the Second War, Cagalli had started to ask questions about Via. She was tentative and almost shy about it to begin with, but then over the years, the questions became more specific, more direct. What was her favourite food? What music did she listen to? Was she a scientist too? Why did she go to Mendel?
It was incredibly painful at first. Via. Via. Via! Her big sister. She wasn't used to talking about Via – for so long she had been living a parallel universe where Via never existed, and Kira was always hers.
But Cagalli, just like Via would have, pressed on. And eventually, it became a little easier. And sometimes, it was even enjoyable. Particularly when Kira was there too, attentively listening to his sister's questioning and Cardiad's explanations, and it was as if there was an invisible thread connecting the four of them together in a way that made Caridad's heart ache and soar.
But not everything. She hadn't told them everything.
Via always had a thirst for knowledge, and always wanted to help people, so it was no surprise to anyone that she decided to pursue a career in medical science. After finishing school, she went abroad to study in the Scandinavian Kingdom, on a prestigious scholarship of some description.
The sisters – close, without being close – stayed in touch mostly through e-mail, and the occasional video call in between. Most of their communication took the form of Via forwarding through news articles and research papers of great interest to her, and of minimal interest to Caridad. Via was obsessed with George Glenn and Evidence 01, and desperate to visit the new colonies being built at Lagrange point 5 ('imagine all the possibilities Cardiad – just imagine!').
For Caridad, whose imagination was much more mundane and surface-bound – what she was going to wear on a date with that nice boy down the road, or whether she could convince Meri to switch shifts with her at the coffee shop – George Glenn's fossil was all a bit far away and fantastical.
There was one period, maybe when Via was mid-way through her degree, where the emails and excited messages, suddenly stopped. Caridad recalled becoming concerned at the lack of contact, but when she reached out Via just shrugged, and with no explanation said she had met someone. She refused – uncharacteristically! – to divulge many details. From what little she did, it seemed he came from an important family. It was unclear even whether it was a romantic entanglement, or a friendship, or something more than either of the two?
Years went on, and Via steadily became more accomplished in her field, travelling the world, continuing her studies while starting to put her research into practice. Inspired by, or maybe because of, the growth of the coordinator population, Via started to specialise in neonatal medicine.
Via came home to Orb to visit one summer, her eyes bright with pleasure, gushing about this man she had met at a conference. His name was Ulen Hibiki. A geneticist, and pioneer in coordinated reproduction, she had sighed dreamily, who was looking to establish a specialised facility in space. And who wanted to take her with him! Via was lovestruck with Hibiki, with his mission, with the adventure of it all. The life he could offer her satisfied everything she longed for her.
Caridad could remember the day as clear as it could be, the last time she saw her sister Before…At the Yalafath spaceport, seeing Via off to her new life in space. Caridad expected she would be bursting at the seams with excitement, but Via that day was muted, reflective. She stood in quiet contemplation at the exit dock, staring at a pink stone in the palm of her hand.
It was a gift, she explained softly. From a friend.
Caridad helped her to tie the pink stone around her neck. Via's face then lightened, and she asked for photo to be taken with it on, waving an enthusiastic farewell at the camera.
Correspondence with Via over the next few years became even more patchy. Every now and again she would receive a digital message imploring 'Come visit!'. The time never came. Cardiad heard more about the Hibiki's ground-breaking work through the news, rather than through her sister.
And anyway, Caridad was preparing for her own adventure – moving to Copernicus with her new husband, unexpectedly following her sister's footsteps to space.
It was hard to pinpoint when the tone in Via's correspondence started to change. It started to be become more frequent; and yet less enthused, and less focused about the work which drove her. Cardiad wondered if the growing anti‑coordinator sentiment on Earth was impacting the lofty goals of the Hibiki's work on Mendel; but in the free, neutral city of Copernicus, Caridad and Haruma were sheltered from the nascent violence, and busy establishing their own new domestic lives.
Then a message comprised of a single sentence arrived. I'm pregnant. Caridad tired everything she could to get a hold of her sister, but her messages, her calls seemed to disappear into a black hole. Then another – months later. Please help.
Caridad travelled to the Mendel colony and met her sister in a café as instructed. The perfectly controlled sunshine belied the danger which permeated the air. Caridad would never forget the tortured horror in Via's eyes as she thrust the pink and blue bundles into her arms, whispering bizarre and urgent instructions at her. An address in Orb. A frenzied hiss to go now!
The devastating truth was now laid bare. What the media reported about the work of Mendel was all a smokescreen. Something Via had to learn painfully, horribly alone. The violence Ulen had wrought against Via, against their children. The violence then wrought against him by Blue Cosmos.
It was what he deserved, but if only – if only! – Via had not been collateral to go with him. But even at the end, after all he had done to her, she wouldn't leave his wretched side.
Secrets. Secrets. Secrets. Cardiad knew that Cagalli and Lacus had tasked Andy to search out for the truth about Mendel. But what was the point. What more was there to learn beyond the hideous violence that humans can do to other humans, and children, all in the name of progress.
Cardiad brought the infants as instructed to the address in Orb, which turned out to be none other than the home of the recently appointed Orb leader – Uzumi Nara Attha. Haruma and herself had sat outside the walled gates of his family estate; checking and re-checking the coordinates Via had given. They were admitted through the gates, into his home, into his study without question.
Everything at this point was a fevered dream.
What to do with the children. What to do about Mendel. What on earth was she even doing here, what did Uzumi Nara Attha have to do with anything. What other secrets had Via kept from her!? She lost track of what she was saying out loud, as compared to the thoughts ricocheting around her brain.
The Orb leader listened silently; hands folded on his desk. Deep brown, serious eyes making him look much older than what she suspected he was. It was impossible to know what he was thinking.
"Via is…was…a good friend," he explained, as if that explained anything at all.
Taking a deep breath as if to ready himself, Uzumi rose from behind his desk and over to the bassinets next to Haruma and Caridad. He sombrely looked at Kira first, sleeping peacefully, then his gaze tracked across to the little girl – Via said her name was Cagalli – and froze.
"What is…" he gestured at the pink pendant draped around Cagalli's body.
"It was on her when Via handed me the…she plays with it constantly. I couldn't bear to take it away from her," Cardiad whispered hoarsely.
It was decided, then. Cagalli would stay with Uzumi; Kira would go with Caridad and Haruma.
"Aunt Cardiad?" "Mom? Are you okay?"
Caridad snapped out of her slumber and stared up at the twins standing over her with identical looks of concern. Their faces before her were so perfectly Via's combined, tears welled in her eyes.
"Oh, my darlings. Don't mind me, I must have dozed off,".
Cagalli glanced at Kira sideways. "I'll go get you some water, Aunt Caridad," she offered kindly, and as she turned to go, Caridad could hear her whispering in a low voice C'mon Kira!
Kira sat down next to her. Then – joining Caridad in staring out at the ocean – reached out for her hand. "It's been a really nice day," he said at last, and Caridad felt a small prick of joy at the genuine note of happiness in his voice.
She squeezed his hand back tightly, this precious gift Via had given her, her heart threatening to burst in her chest. Cagalli eventually re-joined them, and holding back whatever loud thought or idea that was on the tip of her tongue, curled up quietly next to her brother on the wicker lounge.
The three of them stayed there watching the sea birds, watching the sea, until the sun went down.