The clouds were delivering on their promise of rain by the time Tonks made her weary way back to Grimmauld Place. She successfully made it into the house without being seen—a minor miracle, being nearly dinner time—but Apparating back up to her room, she nearly fell over Sirius. He sat in an unfamiliar chair at the foot of the bed, one leg casually draped over the other. Waiting for her, obviously, with the air of someone willing to continue waiting if that was what it took.
Despite the pain, her first instinct was to hide the packages she was carrying, but then she might as well make a sign saying, 'Take note: secret things, please inquire.'
"Hey," she said, shifting uncomfortably and waiting for the stabbing sensations in her back to subside.
His eyes flicked over her, to the packages she carried, back to her face. "Nice outing?"
"Oh. Um, it was…yes, definitely good to get out. Clear my head a little."
"Might have been nice to let one of us know. Given that you've got a big, fat target on your back right now."
"I…yes, sorry, you're right. Remus and I were arguing and I was angry and…I should have said something."
His expression sharpened. "Moony mentioned that. He thought I should check on you, make sure you were all right, since you were upset."
"That was…nice of him."
"Wasn't it? He was worried. He seems to think that Apparating is too hard on you right now, which explains why he bolted out of the kitchen earlier like a mad man. But I guess he was mistaken…?"
Of all the people to catch her, Tonks grumbled to herself as she went to sit on the bed, carefully setting her packages beside her. Merlin, she was tired.
"I tried to tell him. Apparating might hurt like hell, but Sirius? Your stairs are worse. I'm just choosing the lesser evil."
"Don't malign the house, it'll retaliate when you least expect it. You could have said something, you know, instead of all the melodrama. I almost went after you myself."
"Sorry. I was...well, it's like you said, I was upset. It was-" She sighed. "There's no point in rehashing everything, you heard what happened this morning. I just needed to be by myself for a while."
"So what was so important that you snuck out like a teenager?" Sirius asked, muttering something like "bloody peas in a pod," which made no sense whatsoever.
She shrugged. "Woman stuff. Chocolate. Something to help me sleep. You know, the essentials."
She had in fact bought all those things. Nothing like a little truth to add verisimilitude to an otherwise blatant coverup.
"And no one else could have gotten those for you?"
Tonks picked at a loose thread on her jeans. "I needed to get out."
Sirius frowned. "Believe me, I get that. But going out alone while you're still recovering…it's risky."
Absolutely surrounded by overprotective men. Tonks restrained a sigh. "I just went to Diagon Alley. Loads of people around. And I changed first." She gestured at her face, which she didn't dare change back without consulting a mirror.
"You're having that much trouble sleeping?"
Tonks told her conscience to shut it. If he knew what was going on, it would only worry him.
"Some nights, yeah." Try every night. "I'm sorry I made you worry."
"I'm sorry I didn't tell Moony and Mad-Eye you were gone. I've been sitting here for the last two hours like the fairy godmother waiting for Cinderella to get back from the ball. And if I may ask, why is my mother's least favorite chair now hanging on the wall? You don't seem like the full-length mirror type."
"You try juggling hand mirrors as you're morphing bloody great scars on your back. It would change anyone's mind."
He tipped his head. "Fair enough. You want to share some of that chocolate, then?"
Her stomach sank. Sirius didn't like chocolate, although she didn't think he was aware that she knew that. Still, if he was trying to call her bluff, he was attacking the wrong side of things.
She grabbed one of the packages and peeled off the paper wrapping. "Here," she said, breaking off a small chunk.
He caught it neatly when she tossed it over, hiding his distaste as he popped it in his mouth, but Tonks was watching and caught the hint of a grimace when he swallowed.
She couldn't resist. "Want some more?"
He waved his hand. "You risked life and limb for it, I'll let you have the rest."
"Hardly life and limb."
"It will be if everyone finds out."
She glared. "Sirius. You wouldn't."
"Now why would I simply throw away a juicy bit of blackmail like that?"
"You know, it's not like I don't have anything on you, Mr. I Smuggled Potions Ingredients To The Twins."
"Mutual blackmail is the best kind of blackmail," he said with a leer.
Tonks couldn't help laughing. When he did that, he looked disturbingly like one of her colleagues who, unlike her cousin, honestly believed his leering would achieve positive results. "Please lose the dirty old man look. I'd like to be able to eat my dinner."
Sirius clutched his chest. "Dirty old man? I'll have you know that I bathed no more than two weeks ago."
"Ew?"
"And don't you let Moony hear you saying I'm old, he'll be absolutely crushed."
"Eh, kind of too late, maybe. I told him earlier to stop acting like my father."
For some reason that interested Sirius. "What did he say?"
"That he was old enough to be my father. Ridiculous, right? I swear, the man has more hang-ups than anyone else I know." Tonks broke off another chunk of chocolate and nibbled on it.
Sirius looked thoughtful but let the subject drop. His gaze dropped to the pile of packages again. "Look, Tonks…"
She braced herself for more questions.
"Would you at least consider letting me know the next time you feel the need to go waltzing off alone? I won't go running off to tattle, cross my heart. Our family has never done well under enforced confinement, however well-meaning, and I refuse to play jailer. But the state of things out in the world right now, and going off on your own without anyone knowing where you're headed, well…that's just asking for trouble, isn't it?"
"All right, point taken. I'll let you know. But I'm headed back to work soon. Not much I can do about that, you know? And before you ask," she hurried to say as Sirius opened his mouth, presumably to argue, "no, I can't ask for more time. I wouldn't even if I thought old Lion Face would agree to it. It's not like I'm going to go back and he's going to chuck me right back in the middle of things. I'll probably be mouldering away at my desk for weeks."
"He might chuck you out in the middle of things, if he thinks you're doing better than you actually are," Sirius said bluntly. "You're not doing yourself any favours by pretending, you know."
Tonks looked away, mute. Too damn sharp. How much had he guessed?
"I'm not judging you. I'm just saying you might want to rethink that plan. It's the sort of thing that comes back to bite you on the arse."
"I can't let this keep me back," she shot back. "Even if I'm not ready, I have to try. Do you see?"
"I know. I do see. You don't have to explain. I'm the last person to tell you to stay safe behind four walls when you could be out there tracking the bastards down. But wouldn't it be better if you came back alive from the attempt? Getting killed in battle is all well and good in stories, but I only have so many family members who don't want to kill me. Call me selfish, but I'd rather not lose you."
Her panic subsided, soothed by his words and the sympathy behind them. She also became aware of a rather profound lack of tension in the whole exchange.
"I think this might be the conversation Remus was trying to have with me," she said, thinking back.
"Which screaming match would that have been?"
"The one right before I snuck off like a teenager."
"Ah, right," he grinned. "I take it he didn't express himself in a calm and rational manner. He's usually better with words, our Professor."
"Mmm. I guess I'm special, then."
Sirius snorted. "Something like that. He'll sort himself out eventually, give him time."
Tonks shrugged. Remus certainly needed to sort himself out, no question there.
Her stomach growled, loudly enough that Sirius raised an eyebrow.
"What? I'm hungry!" she said. "Let's go see if dinner is ready."
"Your fault for skipping tea. I had to tell Molly you were sleeping."
Tonks paused in getting off the bed. "Thank you," she said seriously. "For covering for me."
He got up and ruffled her hair. "Don't make me regret it."
"I'll be down in a minute. I just want to change out of these clothes, they're still damp from the rain."
"All right. Apparate down to the corner by the kitchen door, I'll make sure no one is there."
"Thanks," she smiled, watching him leave.
It only took a few minutes to change into dry things and readjust her face and hair in the mirror, and another minute to unwrap a bottle from among her purchases. One drop measured into a small glass of water. She thought that ought to be enough.
"Cheers," she raised the glass to her reflection in the mirror and downed the whole thing in a gulp.
Nothing happened for a few heartbeats, and then she felt a stirring in her limbs, a vigor that rushed through her, replenishing the strength that had been missing since the attack. She felt renewed. She felt…well, fucking marvelous, really.
She was so relieved, and so pleased with the results, that she nearly forgot herself. Her hand was on the doorknob before she remembered that she couldn't go galloping down the stairs like one of the children. Plus, Sirius was expecting her to Apparate directly to the kitchen and to behave as though it hurt.
Maybe Remus had a small—a very small—point. Still, she hadn't gotten where she was by playing it safe. And she wasn't going to get better by playing it safe either. This was a calculated risk too. She would go back to work. She would figure out what the hell was wrong with her. And then she'd hunt those bastards down.
Remus was talking with Sirius when Tonks appeared in the kitchen. He watched out of the corner of his eye as she swayed for a moment, one hand on the wall to steady herself, before coming over to sit down with them. She took the chair across the table, next to Sirius, whose arm she lightly punched as she thanked him for something.
"Are you feeling better?" he asked.
"Much," she answered, with a smile so wide he momentarily forgot what he was saying.
"So I, er, I take it you slept well?"
She exchanged a look with Sirius, who choked back a laugh.
"Well enough."
Remus, staring past them both, put the look together with Sirius' disappearance this afternoon and Tonks' enthusiastic smile, and got an answer that made his gut twist.
Were they…
Were they?
A low growl in his head set the back of his skull vibrating. He clenched his teeth against the sensation.
If they were, it wasn't any of his business, was it? Tonks was a grown woman, and she could…well, she could do whatever she wanted. With whomever she wanted. Including Sirius.
Remus thought for a moment he might be sick.
"You all right there, Moony?"
Sirius and Tonks wore mirrored expressions of concern, which did nothing to ease the sudden churning of his stomach.
"Sorry, sudden headache," Remus lied. "It'll pass in a moment."
The kids started tumbling through the door just then in a loud, jostling bunch, and Molly started shouting for everyone to sit down.
Remus looked back from the chaos to find Tonks leaning to whisper something in Sirius' ear. The growl kicked up a notch.
Cousins. They were cousins. But did that really matter to them? Some of the older pureblood families viewed these things through a different lens and didn't regard anything like that as-
He looked away. It wasn't his business. His wolf could be as possessive as it liked. He wasn't going to allow his actions to be dictated by anything so petty.
Dinner, when it arrived on the table, seemed to stretch on forever. Tonks' high spirits should have been a balm to his anxiety over her health—whatever had happened this afternoon, it had helped immensely—but instead they left him both baffled and on edge. As she joked with the children, changing individual features on her face to make everyone laugh, she seemed a wholly different creature than the lonely, fragile woman he'd walked away from earlier. She even looked slightly different. There was a vitality to her that he'd never seen before.
And the fact that Sirius looked vaguely gobsmacked as well didn't help. He glanced over at Remus several times during the meal, giving him looks that Remus in his current confusion didn't want to see or interpret. He might have to witness whatever was going between the two of them, but he flatly refused to be drawn further into whatever infatuated thoughts Sirius was trying to share.
Remus pushed around the remnants of his meal with his fork, unable to choke down another bite, and doing his best to block out the peals of laughter around him. Tonks as a bruised and battered fighter spoke to him on a fundamental level, drew him in, compelled him to step outside himself. Tonks as the radiant life of the party left him feeling older and lonelier than he'd been in a long time.
Was it that, a voice inside him whispered, or was it the suggestion of what had happened to bring that light back to her face? Because he knew instinctively that this wasn't a show. This was a true facet of her personality that she'd simply been too sick to share. He'd caught glimpses, little shining moments, but the full effect of her happiness was nearly blinding.
And Sirius had been the one to restore it. The thought set the wolf to howling. Remus had had the chance to draw her out of her shell, and he'd walked away. Granted, he wouldn't have ever thought to offer—he wouldn't have, even if he'd thought it!—how could he have known that she needed anything like-
It shouldn't matter. It wasn't his business. Didn't they deserve some comfort, after everything they'd both been through? Shouldn't he be happy to see two friends find solace in each other's arms?
But no matter how many times he repeated it to himself, none of it made a difference, and none of it made the growling stop.
A/N: I'm hoping to build up a buffer of two to three weeks before the middle of July, when I'll be away for a week. If I can swing it, there won't be any interruption to the (albeit not very reliable) posting schedule, but there might be a gap of two weeks in there, just fyi. I shall endeavor.
Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed!