Entry 5: Mystery of the Party

Hakurei Reimu was no stranger to the concept known as the 'hang-over'. In fact, just about everyone in Gensokyo was intimately familiar with that throbbing headache that came from a long night of drinking and partying.

To her memory, Usami Sumireko put it best; Everyone is Gensokyo is a high functioning alcoholic with super powers.

Knowing this level of pain, Reimu made a mental note to stop by Geidontei in the near future and give Okunoda Miyoi a piece of her mind. If they've learnt one thing over the past year or two, it's that if the hang-over's so bad that you can't remember anything, then Miyoi was probably involved in some way.

As she tried to move her hand to rub her aching head, she noticed a few things. First, and probably least concerning of all on its own; she was completely naked under the futon. A bit unusual for the season, but not outside the realms of expectation.

Second, and probably most strange of all; she was currently locking in a very, very intimate embrace with someone. How intimate are we talking? Well, right now, this other person had their arms wrapped around Reimu in such a way that she couldn't really move them, their face was currently positioned between Reimu's breasts, and Reimu's own arms were presently loosely around this persons waist, allowing her two more pieces of information; that this person was female, and that they, like her, was also naked.

Reimu tried to keep herself from panicking. If they were in an equal state of undress, then... did they...?

'No no no. We couldn't have,' Reimu thought to herself. 'Maybe, if I just go back to sleep, this'll all just be a dream...'

She lightly moved one of her hands, and felt it brush up against something round and fluffy. Hesitantly, she gave it a squeeze.

"Hnn..." the other person moaned, in a voice Reimu very much recognised.

'Oh no,' she thought in a panic. 'Oh no, no no, that is not good! I can't have... but, what if I did? What do I do, what do I do?!'

Hesitantly, Reimu slowly forced her eyes open, and saw a familiar head of short, lavender hair, adorned by a pair of white rabbit ears.

Reimu broke into a cold sweat. The implications of her current situation were... horrifying, to say the least.

And, as if it couldn't get any worse, at that moment, Rei'sen began to wake up.

Letting out a small groan, Rei'sen opened her eyes, and, confused as to what was directly in her face, looked up and locked gazes with Reimu.

The moment that followed was about as awkward as you might expect.

"...Eh?" Rei'sen uttered. "Why are... Why am I... What...?"

"Okay, please don't freak out," Reimu said slowly. "I'm just as confused as you are. Let me guess, you can't remember last night either?"

Rei'sen nodded hesitantly, before attempting to bury her face in Reimu's chest in embarrassment. "Maybe... if I suffocate myself, I'll wake up..."

"Hey, none of that!" Reimu shouted quietly. "Look, we'll figure this out, alright? No attempting suicide just to see if one of us is dreaming, because I'm fairly sure we're not." A moments pause, before she continued. "How are you feeling right now? Anything... specific feeling sore?"

"Outside of my pounding headache?" Rei'sen asked. "My tail feels like it's in a vice grip, and the rest of my body is just generally sore."

Reimu breathed a sigh of relief, and released her grip on Rei'sen's tail. "Okay, that's... a good sign, at least," she said. "Now, I'm going to unwrap myself from you. We should probably get dressed and see how things are outside."

"R...right. Just... one problem," Rei'sen said quietly. "It's... warm like this."

Reimu's blush intensified. "Don't make it weird like that!"

It took several minutes for the two to pry themselves from each others (because as much as they were both worried about what they couldn't remember, Reimu wasn't about to deny that holding Rei'sen like that was a very pleasant experience. She just hoped that was the limit of it), and twice as long to finally get themselves dressed, all because both of them were not so subtly casting glances at the other.

Neither of them were strangers to seeing other girls naked. For Rei'sen, communal bathing was the norm for Lunar Rabbits. For Reimu... well, she had a Kirisame Marisa in her life; that girl had a bad habit of wearing little to nothing when in the confides of her own house.

Generally, the two were not awkward about the concept of nudity, but considering all circumstances, it was natural for them to feel awkward.

Without prompt, Reimu's eyes drifted to Rei'sen's legs, where she saw the scars in all their contempt.

From where she was, Reimu could see a total of four scars, located on her inner thighs, if not a bit more to the front. Three of them were neat, round circles of teeth marks, that looked to have healed perfectly well, but made to scar enough as to still be see-able.

That last one, though, was gnarly to look at. If she hadn't known it was from having fought back, Reimu might have thought it came from some sort of horny zombie. It was rougher, longer, and far more jagged. Improperly treated, to boot. Reimu thought it a miracle that it hadn't been infected, but then again, illness was something that wasn't present in the Lunar Capital.

Rei'sen knew what Reimu was looking at, yet, much to her own surprise, didn't feel bothered by it. Perhaps she just trusted the Shrine Maiden that much?

After finally getting to some semblance of being 'dressed', which was surprisingly hard, as Reimu's room had a concerning lack of spare clothes in it for some reason. Outside of what Reimu had worn yesterday, the only set of clothing in the room for Rei'sen to wear was some of Reimu's old stuff, which, considering Rei'sen was taller than Reimu presently, so you can imagine how... tight-fitting those clothes must be, if they were made for someone a good few years younger and, conversely, shorter.

Rei'sen tugged lightly at the Shrine Maiden outfit, which currently exposed more of her belly and legs than she was comfortable with (even if Lunar Rabbit uniforms exposed just as much leg, if not more). "Are you... sure this is the only spare you have?" she asked. "I feel like I'm a stiff breeze away from a wardrobe malfunction."

"It really makes no sense," Reimu admitted. "I always keep several spare sets of clothes, yet they're all gone. Hopefully, the jackets in the front rooms are still there."

The two entered the main living area, and... well, it certainly looked like a party had just been through there. The table was overturned, things and objects littered the ground, and the mats were most certainly going to stain.

"Like a damn typhoon," Reimu muttered. "Why can't we remember any of it?"

Rei'sen staggered slightly, falling into Reimu's back. "Um... should I be worried about my balance?" she asked. "I'm... having trouble standing up straight."

"It's probably just the hang-over," Reimu said. "Maybe. Hopefully. Cross fingers."

After flipping the table right side up, the two checked the other rooms in the shrine, and found... nothing. They were the only ones present in the shrine.

"What the heck?" Reimu muttered. "No Suika, no Aunn... What about Sukuna?" With haste in her step, Reimu made her way over to where Shinmyoumaru's room, a smallish doll house, was kept, and opened its tiny door.

There, they did find Shinmyoumaru, but she was completely asleep, reeked of alcohol (generally not a good thing for an Inchling, considering their mass, but Shinmyoumaru was an exceptionally strong one), indecently exposed, and, most shocking of all, in bed with one of the dolls that belonged to Alice Margatroid.

Slowly and awkwardly, Reimu closed the door. "Let's just... pretend we didn't see that," she said quietly. "Respect their privacy."

"Say," Rei'sen spoke up, "wasn't that..."

"Don't say it."

"...Alice-san's Hourai Doll?"

"I told you not to say it."

Outside the shrine was just as barren and messy as the inside. Fortunately for them, they were able to find the jackets kept in the front room, though annoyingly, there were only two, and given current clothing arrangements, Reimu insisted on putting both on Rei'sen.

"It's way too quiet," Reimu muttered. "Sure, people generally go home at some point in the night, but this feels... wrong, somehow."

"What... what do you suppose we should do, Reimu-san?" Rei'sen asked. "I mean... where do we start?"

Reimu thought for a moment, before she walked over to one of the Komainu statues, and knocked on it. "Hey, Aunn! You in there?" she called out. There was, naturally, no response, because Reimu was talking to a statue. "Well, worth a shot," she muttered. "Damn it, and I can't remember who would have been at the party, too."

"Should we... check in at the village?" Rei'sen offered. "Maybe someone there was here last night."

"As good an idea as any," Reimu said. "The alternative would have to be trying to get to Marisa's house, and going through the Forest of Magic's a tough business on a good day."

There was an attempt to take flight. Reimu managed to get off the ground, yet found her sense of balance to be completely off. Rei'sen, on the other hand, wasn't even able to get that far, only hopping up and down ineffectively.

Reimu carefully put her feet back down on the ground. "I guess we're walking, then."

The Human Village wasn't exactly 'bustling', so to speak, but there was enough people present to give Reimu a sense of relief. At the very least, there hadn't been some grand, apocalyptic even while they were drunk.

"Okay, where to start?" Reimu asked herself. "Geidontei, maybe? Or, perhaps Seiran and Ringo? Would either of them have been there?"

"The other option would be Eientei, right?" Rei'sen asked. "But, getting through the Bamboo Forest would be difficult."

"Best to start local, then," Reimu surmised.

They made their way to Geidontei, were, much to their surprise and relief, they found the girl in question, leaning her back against the wall of the restaurant.

Okunoda Miyoi was a remarkably tall girl with pink hair, dressed in blue and purple, with what could only be described as a hat shaped like a whale on her head. What stood out to Reimu right now, though, was the fact that she was currently cradling her head.

"Miyoi, can you hear me?" Reimu called out.

Miyoi looked over at Reimu, and smiled as best she could. "Ah, Reimu-san. Good morning," she greeted, before wincing in pain. "Ohh, my head in killing me."

"Massive hang-over?" Reimu asked. "It's gotten the better of us, too."

"Last night must have been one heck of a party, Reimu-san," Miyoi commented. "I'm not usually the one that struggles to remember."

"You're kidding... you too?" Reimu asked. "Can you at least tell us what you do remember?"

"Anything will do, Miyoi-san," Rei'sen added. "We're just... concerned about something."

Miyoi felt that was being deliberately vague, but tried to think of something through her pounding headache. "I... recall a large cauldron. A bunch of people were pouring all sorts of booze and sake into it... Then, magic was involved, I think? Some kind of dango, as well..." She shook her head sadly. "Sorry, Reimu-san, Rei'sen-san. That's all I've got."

"Well, it's better than what we started with," Reimu said.

Just then, something in the distance made a 'boing' sound.

The three looked at each other. "Did... you two hear that?" Rei'sen asked.

Boing.

"Yeah. What is that?" Reimu asked. "Sounds like..."

Boing. Boing.

"It sounds like..." Miyoi continued, "a giant ball?"

Boing. CRASH.

Something landed hard by them. Slowly, the trio looked up, to see a large, white sphere looming overhead.

"What," Reimu started, "the hell?"

Miyoi wrapped her arms tightly around the gourd she held, which Reimu absently noted looked familiar. "Is that... a giant dango?" she asked hesitantly.

Rei'sen sniffed it slightly. "I... think it might be," she said. "And it smells like Ringo and Seiran's work."

Then, the giant dango started rolling towards them.

The three all had a panicked look on their faces, and made the express, correct choice of...

"RUN!"

The three ran as fast as the could, as the giant dango chased after them like a scene straight out of an action-adventure movie.

"Hey! You three!" cried out a familiar voice. "Over here!"

The three quickly turned down an adjacent alleyway, allowing the dango boulder to roll by without a worry.

As luck would have it, their rescuers were the two Lunar Rabbits mentioned earlier; Ringo and Seiran. Though, strangely enough, their attires had been swapped around, with the usually orange-clad Ringo wearing Seiran's blue dress, and vice-versa.

"Not a flattering look on you two," Reimu commented. "Let me guess, you two don't know how it came to be like this?"

"No shit!" Seiran shouted. "As if that wasn't bad enough, do you know how large Ringo's waistline is?!" To emphasise her point, Seiran, who had both hands holding the hem of her (technically Ringo's) breeches, released one of her hands, causing that side to sag noticeably.

"Oh, you have it bad?" Ringo asked sarcastically. "You're so scrawny, I'm worried I'll tear this dress by blinking wrong!"

"Ladies, please!" Rei'sen stepped in quickly. "You both have horrendous BMI, we get it! Can we just skip to the part where you tell us what you remember about last night? And, while we're at it, what the heck was up with that dango?!"

Everyone was taken aback by Rei'sen's sudden yelling. "Well, let's see," Ringo muttered. "I... recall that Oni that lives with you trying to make some kind of cocktail in a large cauldron, for starters."

"Okay, lines up with Miyoi's part," Reimu said. "Only problem is that neither Suika nor that Cauldron were at the shrine."

At that point, Seiran slammed one of her hands into the other. "That's right! Because that guard from the Scarlet Devil Mansion kicked it away after everyone took a drink from it!"

"Meiling did?" Reimu noted. "Well, that at least answered some questions. Any idea what went into that drink?"

"Search me, Reimu-san," Ringo shrugged. "There was a whole lot of different things going in there, including Seiran's dango."

"You tripped me and you know it!" Seiran shouted. "You were the one throwing her dango in there willingly!"

Ringo and Seiran broke into another argument, leaving Reimu, Rei'sen, and Miyoi bewildered. "Maybe we should just leave them here," Reimu muttered. "We've got our next stop, at least."

"The Scarlet Devil Mansion, right?" Rei'sen asked. "Um, where exactly is that, again?"

"The other side of Misty Lake," Reimu answered. "Shouldn't take us too long to get there." Then, she looked to Miyoi. "What about you? You going to tag along, since you've got Suika's gourd?"

Miyoi thought for a moment. "I think... I should stay behind," she admitted. "Still got to help run Geidontei, you know? But, when you do find out what happened, why not stop by? I'll treat you."

"We'll hold you to it."

It was not long after that Reimu and Rei'sen found themselves at the Scarlet Devil Mansion. The mansion really needed no other introduction, as it looked exactly as the name would imply; it was massive, hence 'mansion', it was red, hence 'scarlet', and the combination of the two made it look imposing, thus, 'devil'.

The name said it all.

Reimu looked around the front gate. "Strange," she said. "Meiling's not here. Usually, she's asleep on the job, not asleep in bed."

"So, what should we do?" Rei'sen asked. "Isn't it rude to just barge in?"

Reimu shrugged in response. "Eh. No different to what we normally do," she said, as she pushed the gate open.

The front garden was as it always was; grand, and large. Reimu wasn't sure if she was more relieved or annoyed that there was nothing out of place there.

The two forced the main door open, and found the main foyer to be an absolute mess, to put it lightly. Shards of vases littered the floor, the chandelier swayed weakly from the ceiling, and the large portrait of Remilia Scarlet that was kept at the top of the stairs was torn.

Also, there was an absolute dog-pile consisting of, on the surface, Remilia Scarlet, Koakuma, Hong Meiling, Izayoi Sakuya, Patchouli Knowledge, and no less that seven fairy maids.

"Is that... weirder than the giant dango?" Rei'sen asked.

"Not unless someone's buried alive under them," Reimu answered, tempting fate like an absolute fool.

As a response to that, a wave of energy erupted from the pile, blowing all the bodies away, and revealing a red eyed, blonde haired girl in red, with jewelled wings.

"Me and my big mouth," Reimu muttered. "Flandre, what were you doing under there?"

The young Vampire known as Flandre Scarlet took notice of the two, and looked remarkably happy to see them. "Reimu-san! Other Person-san!" she exclaimed. "Good morning!" Then, remembering that she had been asked a question, she thought about her answer. "Well, when everyone got home last night, I was about to yell at them for leaving me behind again, but then Remi-nee-san got super clingy and lovey-dovey, which was quickly followed by Patchy getting all teary about Marisa-san not liking her back, then it all became a group hug." Then, she clapped her hands. "But enough about that! Did you come to play?"

"Not this time, Flan," Reimu said, raising a hand. "We're looking for answers about last night, that's all. Right now, word is that Meiling punted a cauldron somewhere."

"Oh, so that's why Patchy's cauldron landed in the backyard after midnight," Flandre realised. "That thing stunk, though, so I didn't want to go anywhere near it."

Flandre guided them to the back garden, and while she did let them through, she didn't follow outside, because of... obvious reasons.

The cauldron was... well, what more needed to be said? It was large, made of iron, had been half buried in the ground.

Rei'sen tried to approach it, yet recoiled from the smell. "What on Earth?! It... it stinks!"

"Is it that bad?" Reimu asked. She got a bit closer, until the stench of all that alcohol came like a falling wall. "Okay, yeah, that's bad," she muttered, pinching her nose. "What the heck did they put in there?" Then, out of the corner of her eye, Reimu spotted a familiar looking cardboard package. Carefully, without getting too close to the cauldron, she picked it up. "This is... some of Eirin's drugs?" she noted. "Rei'sen, we have our next lead!"

"Makes me wonder if we should have gone there first," Rei'sen sighed, before turning to face Flandre. "Sorry for imposing on you, Flandre-san."

"Don't be a stranger!" Flandre waved. "Stop by to play any time!"

The duo had breathed sighs of relief when, upon reaching the Bamboo Forest of the Lost, they had managed to bump into Fujiwara no Mokou, who had the fortune of not having been at the party, and thus, wasn't dealing with the mother of all headaches.

"So, that's what happened, then?" Mokou asked. "No wonder Kaguya was so crabby and hardly put up a fight this morning. Probably glad I passed on that one."

"I wish we thought of that," Reimu said. "Now we're having to deal with the regret of possible screw-ups."

"Well, that's not the worst thing to have," Mokou commented. "If you're both in the same boat, then even if you did something, you can still fix it." Finally, they came up to the edge of the forest, where a large building stood. "Well, here we are. They're all yours, Reimu."

"Thank you for your help, Mokou-san," Rei'sen said with a bow.

"Not a problem, kid," Mokou waved. "And hey, if you two ever feel like going the whole way with each other, then Eirin's the gal you wanna check in with."

Naturally, Reimu and Rei'sen blushed intensely, as Mokou walked off, laughing heartedly. "I swear, one of these days, I'll exterminate her," Reimu muttered.

Shaking off the awkward feeling, the two entered the clinic.

Eientei was a very unusual place, with seemingly endless hallways, and a smell that was both rustic and sterile.

Usually, it was Inaba Tewi, the oldest Earth Rabbit in Gensokyo, that worked the front desk, but today, it seemed that Eirin herself had taken that shift. "Welcome to Eientei," she greeted. "How can I..." She finally looked up, and saw Reimu and Rei'sen. "Actually, I think I know exactly how I can help you two. I take it this is about last night?"

"It is," Reimu answered. "So, do you actually remember it at all, or are we going to have to go to the Netherworld next?"

"Oh, you don't have to worry about that," Eirin said. "I decided to abstain from drinking last night. A good thing, too, after they brought out that cauldron."

"Then, do you know what happened to our clothes?" Rei'sen asked hesitantly. "Reimu-san's old clothes are... starting to feel a bit too tight."

In response, Eirin reached behind the desk, and effortlessly picked up a large sack. "You have Tewi to thank for that one," she said. "Don't worry, she's being properly punished for it."

Rei'sen rummaged through the sack, before pulling out the all too familiar blazer, shirt, and skirt that Lunar Rabbits wore. "Oh, thank heavens," she sighed in relief. "Um, is there somewhere I can get changed?"

Eirin pointed down the hall on the left. "Second door on the right is free," she said. Rei'sen bowed, before quickly scampering off into the room.

Reimu breathed her own sigh. "Well, that's one problem solved," she said. "What on earth went into that broth, I wonder?"

Eirin, in response, pulled out a notebook. "Let's see, it was; three pint glasses of sake, two and a half pints of white wine, seven bottles of red wine, two barrels of rum, and a collective 7.5 litres of miscellaneous spirits, and that's not counting the various different kinds of spices and dashes of sauces that were added intermittently. Ibaraki Kasen described it as 'Liquid Death to all who could so much as remember it'."

"Jeez," Reimu muttered. "Who's bright idea was that?"

"Ibuki-san's, of course."

"Not surprising. What happened to her?"

Eirin gave Reimu a flat look. "Paying the price for creating such a dangerous concoction," she answered. "Seemed its potency was enough to knock even an Oni down a peg of five. She's currently admitted here, and from how she's reacted to that brew, I'm probably going to be glad I spiked it with amnesiacs before everyone else got to it."

"So that's why no one can remember anything!" Reimu exclaimed. "But, that... still leaves me with the one big question."

"'One big question'? What might that be?" Eirin asked. Hesitantly, Reimu explained the matter of how she and Rei'sen had found themselves this morning. "Oh my. That would certainly be cause for concern."

"It's just..." Reimu stuttered. "I'm worried about the possibility that I might have taken advantage of her, you know? Is there any way I can check on that, and see if I was a complete sack of shit while we were drunk?"

"Well, if you're that worried about it, then you won't have to be considered a 'piece of shit'," Eirin said, before taking a sheet of paper out from the desk. "This is something I made especially for things like this. A sort of psychic paper that'll write down the events of the last 24 hours. Would you like to check?"

Reimu reached for the paper, yet hesitated briefly. What if what she feared was true? What if, while she was drunk, she did to Rei'sen the exact same thing that she'd heard Toyohime did? The thought of it somehow left her feeling terrified.

But, if she did, she had to know. You can't right a wrong if you don't know you committed it. With a shaky hand, Reimu took the paper, and watched as words wrote themselves down on it.

10:29 PM: Party is in full swing. Big turnout this time, even compared to Incident Celebrations.

10:37 PM: Rei'sen seems to have gotten a little tipsy. Willing to bet she's not use to drinking so much sake. Best keep her close.

11:20 PM: Suika has returned from the SDM with Patchouli's cauldron. What the hell are they planning with that?

11:22 PM: My god, that's a lot of barrels.

11:24 PM: They are pouring everything into that thing, including the kitchen sink. I wish I wasn't being literal.

11:25 PM: The sink just melted.

11:30 PM: Suika has just taken a drink from this... forbidden beverage.

11:31 PM: Suika has passed out. Eirin is putting something extra into it, and has carried Suika away.

11:35 PM: Temptation has gotten the better of us. Everyone that's still around has taken a taste of this booze.

11:36 PM: Strangely not the worst thing I've tasted. Whatever Eirin put in it must have helped.

11:45 PM: Oh, I'm starting to feel it now. World is beginning to look like a prism.

11:50 PM: Shinmyoumaru has started making out with the Hourai Doll. Is it weird that I'm finding it kinda hot?

00:01 AM: Meiling just punted the cauldron across Gensokyo. A damn good kick at that.

00:15 AM: Rei'sen has started crying. I'm freaking out right now!

00:20 AM: Rei'sen's gone and thrown up on both our clothes. I think I'm about to be sick myself.

00:21 AM: Yup.

00:34 AM: Everything seems to be winding down, now. Best help Rei'sen get cleaned up, and try to sleep this off.

00:40 AM: Managed to get her clothes off. Man... I thought she was flatter than this. Might be starting to understand that Moon Bitch's PoV.

00:42 AM: Got my own clothes off, by now Rei'sen's wrapped herself around me and won't let go. Can't get to the dresser.

00:45 AM: Fuck it. Girl warm. Worry about clothes in morning. Sleep now.

09:12 AM: What the fuck happened last night?

Reimu stared at the paper as it listed off times and events. "Huh," she said. "So, that's it, then?"

"That's it," Eirin answered. "The truth you were looking for, provided without any filler."

Reimu flipped the page over, almost expecting more to be on the back, but found nothing. "So, we didn't do anything, then?" she questioned. "Just... nude snuggling?"

"Try not to sound too disappointed," Eirin said, "otherwise I might get a bad impression of you."

At that moment, Rei'sen stepped out of the side room, freshly dressed in her usual attire. "Ahh, finally. Comfort!" she sighed. "I was worried I might accidentally tear those old clothes of yours, Reimu-san."

"Don't know how I feel about that," Reimu muttered. "Anyway, you might be glad to know we didn't, in fact, do anything to each other last night."

"Really?" Rei'sen exclaimed. "Oh, that's a relief. I'm not sure how I would have reacted otherwise."

"Well, from what's written, it seems you two were rather cute about it," Eirin commented. "Oh, how I would have loved to have been the fly on that wall."

"Oh, shut it, Eirin," Reimu muttered, embarrassed.

The atmosphere, warm though it was, was interrupted by a sudden burst of light from outside. Reimu and Eirin quickly got into defensive positions, while Rei'sen staggered back in fear.

"That light... a Lunar Traveller?!" Eirin questioned.

"You don't think it her, do you?" Reimu asked. "If it is..."

The two cast a glance back to Rei'sen, who was quivering in fear. "Do not be afraid," Eirin said softly. "We'll protect you, come what may." The doctor turned to Reimu. "I'll take point. I trust you'll have my back?"

"Of course I will," Reimu stated.

The two slowly moved towards the door, before Eirin burst through the door and fired an arrow preemptively.

What followed was the sound of a blade cutting through both air and arrow, splitting the shot in two.

"I feel that was rather uncalled for, Teacher," spoke a familiar voice. "But, given the circumstances, I don't think I can fault it."

None of them knew quite what to feel, at the sight of the purple haired girl in red as she sheathed her sword.

"Watatsuki no... Yorihime," Reimu muttered bitterly.

A/N:

Dramatic cliffhanger on what was probably the lewdest chapter I've ever written for... well, anything.

This was certainly an experience in its own right.

And for the record, while this was mildly influenced by the concept of the Hangover movies, I have never watched them before, nor do I plan to. It just made for a good plot point.

Well, let's move on. Drama awaits.