Disclaimer: Touhou Project was created by Jun'ya Ōta (ZUN). I don't own any of the Touhou characters used in this story.
Author's Note: This is something that I wanted to write for quite some time, but never had chance to do so. It's also my first attempt at comedy story, so please let me know in reviews, if it was good or bad. Without further ado, please enjoy the story!
The Four of a Kind
Remilia sipped her red tea.
-So you want to replace Patchy, Sakuya and Meiling for one day?
-That's right.
The vampire raised her eyebrow.
-Why?
-Just for fun! I mean, it's just for one day, it will be fine! Pretty please?
Remilia sighed. "I guess one day shouldn't hurt." she thought.
-Fine. You can tell them that they have the day off today.
Flandre jumped up with her hands in the air.
-Yay! Thanks big sis!
The blonde vampire left her sister's room, smile not leaving her face.
Remilia once again sipped her tea.
-I have a terrible feeling about this.
Some time later.
Remilia was reading a newspaper on the balcony of her room. It was cloudy today, so it was perfect weather for her to relax there.
According to the newspaper, it appears that Hakurei shrine maiden is preparing a festival tonight, the vampire was intrigued by the idea, however, she couldn't go, since she had to make sure that her sister won't do anything stupid.
Her train of thought was interrupted by the sound of somebody placing a tray on the table.
-I have brought you, your red tea, my lady.
Remilia glanced from her newspaper.
-Thank you Saku- Wait, wait, wait. Aren't you taking this a bit too far?
That was Flandre wearing maid uniform. She had a confused look on her face.
-Whatever do you mean, milady? I have only brought you, your tea, as normal.
-That's not what I meant.
Remilia sighed. When her sister said that she wants to replace them, she thought that it would be just roles and not the whole person. This would take some time to adjust to. She glanced at the cup on the tray. It had red liquid inside. Looked like her regular red tea.
-I guess, I can try it out.
She picked up the cup and drank it. It was so horrible that she spat it out immediately.
-What is this!? This isn't my regular tea! It tastes like ketchup!
Flandre looked deep in thought.
-Oh right, I have forgotten where we keep our blood packets, so I had to improvise.
-You call this improvising!? Ketchup isn't even close to being blood!
The blonde vampire once again looked confused.
-It's red right? And you wanted red tea.
-That's not how it works!
Flandre hummed.
-Oh, I almost forgot, Lady Patchouli has finished her research on something and would like you to visit her and give your opinion about it.
-Patchy? But you're also her! What are you even researching?
But she was already gone. How the hell she disappeared that fast? She could feel a headache coming on. Remilia decided to head to the library, she hoped that it is still intact after her sister meddling.
At the library.
Remilia entered the library and looked around.
So far so good, nothing burning down, books look undamaged, she looked at the front of the library and saw her sister wearing Patchouli's clothes, she sighed internally and approached her.
-Yeah, you're definitely going too far with this.
Flandre was unfazed by her sister's comment.
-Oh, Remi! It's good to see you! I have just developed a new kind of spell book and wanted your opinion about it!
She presented a book to Remilia.
-What I am supposed to say about this? This is just a regular coloring book. How is this a spell book?
The blonde vampire looked offended by this.
-No, no! This is definitely magic! Because with this!
She presented, a blue pencil crayon.
-I can make this person blue colored!
She used the crayon to color a person in the book, blue.
Flandre then presented, an eraser.
-And with this!
She erased the color using it.
-I can erase his color and then color him something different!
The blonde vampire looked proud after she stated this.
Remilia chuckled.
-For children, perhaps this is magic, but not for me.
-I thought you would like it, since you look like a child.
Remilia fumed over this.
-Look, who's talking!?
Her anger was interrupted by someone entering the library, she glanced at who it was, and it was her sister, wearing her normal clothes.
-Oh, hey, big sis! What are you and Patchy doing?
Remilia looked at her sister that was imitating the magician, then at the regular one.
-This is definitely very awkward...
Suddenly the ground started shaking, it was getting progressively more violent, until it stopped after a moment.
-Now what?
At the mansion's gate.
At the gate was standing at a guard, a gatekeeper, however it wasn't the regular one, she faced 'the visitor' and replied.
-My apologies, Miss Hakurei, however, my lady isn't expecting any visitors today.
-You know, you could have told me that before you nailed me to the ground using that sword of yours.
The shrine maiden's head was sticking out of the ground.
-Oh, you too, Reimu?
Reimu looked to her right and saw Marisa's head also sticking out from the ground.
-What do you mean 'you too'? I haven't even done anything to deserve it! You have been stealing books from them for quite some time!
-Borrowing, not stealing. I'll return them back eventually. Like, I returned that one book yesterday!
-You didn't return it, you just dropped it while that magician was shooting spells at you.
-Hey, that still counts as "returning", doesn't it?
-In your delusional point of view, probably. That being said, why is she the gatekeeper?
-I dunno. She's more efficient than the previous one, though.
Suddenly they got bonked really hard on their head by the gatekeeper.
-If you want to talk, then talk somewhere else, my lady requires peace and quiet.
Marisa faced Reimu.
-I think it's best, if we stay quiet for now.
The shrine maiden nodded.
-Agreed.
Remilia left the mansion and saw Flandre, wearing Meiling clothes, standing next to the gate and... Heads of the shrine maiden and the magician stuck in the ground? How did she even do that?
-Fla- I mean Meiling, you are supposed to keep intruders away from entering, not hammering them like nails to the ground.
Flandre faced her sister.
-Does it make a difference? They won't be able to enter the mansion anyway.
Remilia sighed.
-Yes, it does. Could you two explain, why are you here?
She faced the duo. The first one to start talking was Marisa.
-I was planning to stea- I mean study in the library with Patchouli, so I decided to greet the gatekeeper to get in, but I got bonked in the head instead.
-Yeah, not buying that. And you?
She faced Reimu.
-I was planning to ask you to let me borrow Sakuya for today.
Remilia raised her eyebrow.
-Borrow her? What for?
-Don't you know? I'm hosting the festival tonight! I could use some help with preparing food and decorating the shrine.
The vampire hummed in thought.
-She has the day off today, so if you want to borrow her, then you need to ask her yourself. She's probably at the Human Village now.
The shrine maiden appeared to be struggling to get out.
-Well, I would, if I could move right now.
-Let her out, Meiling.
Flandre walked over to the Reimu, and grabbed her head and pulled her out without much trouble, however, she then held her like a spear and threw her high in the air in the opposite direction.
They only could hear her scream from distance as she disappeared from the view soon after.
Remilia was baffled at the sight of this.
-You were supposed to let her out of the ground, not throw her across half Gensokyo... But I must admit that if you threw her perfectly to the Human Village, then I'm impressed.
The blonde vampire looked proud of herself.
-I take pride in my throwing skills.
Remilia sighed once again. This charade was taking a toll on her. She decided that, she will retire for today and deal with the consequences tomorrow.
-I'll return to my room to rest, please at least don't destroy the mansion, alright?
Flandre saluted.
Remilia was about to head inside, when a shout stopped her.
-Hey! What about me?
She faced the magician and said.
-Take it as the punishment for all the books you have stolen from us.
The vampire ignored any objections that the magician had and went inside.
She headed straight for her room and locked it, she climbed on the bed and slowly closed her eyes.
Other than an occasional quake through the day and scream every now and then, nothing serious has happened, and the mansion was still intact.
The next day, afternoon.
Remilia was sitting in her room, reading today's copy of the newspaper.
Other than people of Gensokyo speculating the return of a certain celestial, because of all the quakes from yesterday, there wasn't anything interesting in it.
By the looks of it, the festival was also successful, this, however, wasn't anything new for her, since Sakuya mentioned today that she helped the shrine maiden after she almost fell on her from the sky. Good throw, Flan.
Her reading was interrupted by knocking on her door.
-Enter.
It was her younger sister, looking all cheery.
-Hey, big sis! Good afternoon!
-Afternoon.
-Thanks for letting me replace Patchy, Sakuya and Meiling yesterday! It was fun!
-Well, it wasn't fun for Meiling, since she had to help several people out from the ground, then close the holes that you made.
-At least nobody intruded on the mansion, right? Still did my job!
-I suppose. Patchouli wasn't happy that you replaced a good amount of her books with coloring books.
-Her books were too complex to understand, so I spiced it a bit.
-You shouldn't touch anybody belongings without their permission, though. And oddly enough, Sakuya was actually thrilled to hear that you didn't do any work.
-She was? Weird. I tried to do some work, but when I wanted to ask fairy maids for help, they all ran away, screaming. Are they that scared of Sakuya?
-I think they were more scared of you than her. I'm just glad that the mansion is still standing tall after all this.
-Soooo! Since it went all good, how about next week, we try switching our roles? I'll be you and you will be me!
-No.