Greetings, my cupcakes!

If you have come to this profile, you probably have not come in search of purist works. I specialize in crack, AUs, villain apologist works, paranormal, metaphysical and fantastical works, with a liberal dash of Sapphic shipping thrown in for good measure. My writing is strange, and occasionally Purple. Odd trains of thought run rampant, and improbable happy endings are pulled straight out of Hammerspace with alarming frequency. Spirituality and philosophy occasionally blend together. And then the weird comedy is thrown in.

It's an oddball mix, but I am flattered that you would take the time to look. So, without further ado, feel free to poke around. Here is some free lemonade.

Enjoy.

Doctor Madwoman's Advice to Better Writing, Painstakingly Gathered After Five Or So Years of Trial and Error

1. Sketch out a PLOT. Think it over a little before you start typing. Tedious, yes, but very helpful later on.

2. Get inside of your characters' minds. Try to think how they would think, feel how they would feel in whatever situation they're in. Please ignore them if they should tell you to burn things.

3. Be sure to write and rewrite. I will sometimes delete and rewrite an entire chapter if it does not 'click'.

4. RESEARCH. If you are writing about something you have little knowledge of, RESEARCH IT.

5. Put all original characters through a Mary Sue Litmus test and edit them accordingly. The Fandom will not welcome you otherwise.

6. Use proper spelling, grammar and punctuation in addition to paragraph breaks, or I will do things to you. Horrible things. We're all intelligent beings here, I think we can all take that little bit of extra time to make things look proper.

7. KNOW YOUR CHOSEN FANDOM'S CANON INSIDE AND OUT!! If you intend to bend this Canon (which is tempting, I know), make it plausible.

8. Keep Canon characters In Character or at least give a good reason for their altered behavior.

9. Save your work. Often. It will save you from getting stitches on your hand from putting your fist through the computer screen. Trust me on this.

10. EDIT. EDITING IS OUR FRIEND. If you cannot find it in you to edit, get a Beta reader. BETAS ARE OUR FRIENDS

11. Accept help from outside sources. I should know. I leech ideas off of my friends all the time...

12. LEARN the difference between a FLAME and CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. A flame offers no advice on how to improve...or the advice is to burn your computer and commit suicide. There is a fine line at times, I know, but still...

FLAME: This is the worst piece of sht I have ever read. Did your mother take drugs when she was pregnant? Do us all a favor and destroy your computer. Then fling yourself into traffic.

CON CRIT: This is terrible! You have no paragraph breaks, the spelling is disgusting and you have no concept of grammar! Your OC is a flaming Sue, all other characters are OOC and there is no plot. Get a beta and rewrite the entire thing. Come back when you're serious about this.

13. Chat speak/l33t speak/any other kind of short hand = BAD. I will find you if you use it.

14. Enjoy encouragement (but don't let it go to your head), consider the con crit and ignore the flames (don't reply, don't reread over and over, etc.). Life will be so much more pleasant for all of us if you do.

ANNNNND

15. Have fun. Seriously, do it! What's the point if we are all unhappy when writing?

INFORMATION THAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE USEFUL

NAME: I have many names... Doc, Ms. Madwoman, The Doctor, Doctor Madwoman, Arill...call me what you will.

MUSIC: Enya, 80's, movie soundtracks, Different Drums of Ireland, most Celtic music, Gaelic Storm, Simon and Grarfunkel...the list goes on, really. Listening to my iPod when set on 'Random' is an adventure, I must say.

LOOKS: Twiggy. Dark hair, blue eyes, wretched eyesight. Pale enough to shame a glacier.

LOCATION: America. Yeah, that's right, I'm still American, and still pretty damn proud of it, though I am in a constant state of political confusion. Also, I come from the far North. So far North, in fact, that if I bend certain ways I could technically be considered Canadian.

AGE: Holy shit I'm nineteen I voted I'm college I can be held legally accountable for my actions hosnapsnapsnapsnap

RELIGION: Pagan, baby. Feel the power of the Mama Goddess.

THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS: Writing, reading, improv comedy, nature stuff, the delightful art of irritation, composing embarrassing sonnets to Katherine of Aragon's memory, books, archery, Katherine of Aragon (insult my Lady Fair and you die. Slowly), Gandalf, Davy Jones, Jadis, Maleficent, Mother Gothel, any vaguely maternal/criminally insane villainess, tea, unhealthy food, things that challenge my writing skills, friends, dogs, laughter, words, trees, the surprise of human kindness. So on and so forth.

CURRENT LUST OBJECT: In a rare moment of heterosexuality, I'm back to being worshipfully obsessed with Captain Nemoof 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea fame. Gentlemanly, a man of action and courage, a scholar and an admirer of the arts as well as a deeply sensitive individual...eat your heart out, Mr. Darcy. We have no need of your precious nancy-boy ways.

Moving on.

And NOW for some favorite pairings!

Harry Potter:

Albus/Minerva (Best couple in the HP fandom)

Ron/Hermione (Bound to happen, but also kinda boring)

Harry/Luna (I think he'd need someone who lives in their own world)

Lily/Snape (Let's face it...James was kind of an ass.)

Minerva McGonagall/Wilhelmina Grubby-Plank (A new, oddly perfect find)

Narnia:

Jadis/Aslan (I've thankfully grown out of the 'romantic' stage of the ship. Now I ship them as platonic. philosophical, spiritual, 'love/hate' lifepartners)

Lucy/Caspian (Suck on THAT, Suspian fans!)

Digory/Polly

Elf Quest:

Voll/Winnowill(Devotion at its most horrific)

Kureel/Hoykar(Slashy goodness...)

Ember/Teir (Keep her away from Mender...)

Two Edge/Aroree

Winnowill/Vurdah/Vol (...it makes sense in context, I swear.)

SHOWTIME'S The Tudors

Katherine of Aragon/Thomas More (They are soulmates. Deny if you will, but you are lying to yourself.)

Henry/Katherine of Aragon (Bastard doesn't deserve her, but, hell, she'd be happy...)

Katherine of Aragon/ Mary Boleyn (They'd probably cuddle each other to death)

Widow!Margaret Roper/Eustace Chapuys (Dey soo KAYUUUT)

Anne Boleyn/ King Francis

Wicked

Elphaba Thropp/Glinda Upland (Even the author admits it. It may have gone unconsummated or unacknowledged, but it was there. Your Arjaki Prince has no place here.)

Liir/Trism/Candle (Aaand the Thropp family tradition of awkward romance is carried into the next generation!)

QUOTES! From Various and Sundry Sources:

Aunt: What'cha doin'?

Me: Wearin' PANTS...

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Oscar Wilde is my personal Jesus.

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You are evil and must be destroyed.

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"Let A Thousand Parks Bloom."

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"I have so many Muses that I'm beginning to think that I have Multiple Personality Disorder..."

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"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is another matter." - Winston Churchill

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"With freedom, books, flowers and the moon, who could not be happy?" - Oscar Wilde, De Profundis

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“Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

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"I have seen war and I hate war." - FDR

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"I think the Party is sort of stupid, ya know, leaving the proles to lead their own lives. I mean, if you want to achieve total world domination, you need to enslave everyone, even the people you don't consider worthy of your attention."-Me

"That's...wow...that's really sort of evil, isn't it?"-Teacher

"Yes. Yes it is."-Me

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“I’m not a humanitarian, I’m a hellraiser.”

AND

"Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living."

- Mother Jones

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"You mean you’ll put down your rock and I’ll put down my sword and we’ll kill each other like civilized people?"

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"The holy law of Jesus Christ governs our civilization, but it does not yet permeate it; it is said that slavery has disappeared from European civilization. That is a mistake. It still exists: but it weighs now only upon women, and it is called prostitution." -Victor Hugo, Les Miserables.

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I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.

- Oscar Wilde

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Rapunzel: Mother! How did you find me?

Gothel: Oh, it was easy, really. I just listened for the sound of complete and utter betrayal and followed that. *Grim smile*

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"I am sorry to tell you, ladies and gentlemen, but you have no souls. Some of you may be offended by this, but it is the truth." - Psych Professor. On our very first day. We don't play by halves at my University.

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"Harry waited, scarcely breathing. As McGonagall passed, she looked directly at him and nodded. "Potter," she said crisply. And swept on.

Vaguely aware that his mouth was gaping idiotically, Harry followed, his mind focused on only one thought: He knew. He knew now what she was.

She was Gryffindor House. She was Hogwarts. She was as much a part of him as his scar.

She was Minerva Fucking McGonagall." - M F McG, by Kelly Chambliss

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"You've committed one of the classical blunders, the most famous of which is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well known is never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line!" -Princess Bride

In parting, I think I should try to put something inspiring or thought provoking at the end of this profile. The best I can manage is this thought:

We see horrible, tragic, infuriating things on the news all the time. All day, every day. Murder, rape, international tension, natural disasters, untrustworthy governments, climate crisis. It looks like the world is a horrible place. And I won't deny that it is. Things are pretty crazy...but that's the way it's always been. There has never been a period of human history where things have not looked horrible. We just think its worse because we have the technology to record, report and broadcast every single horror, big and small, from anywhere on the globe. The media makes things out to be even worse than they are - 'If it bleeds, it leads'. If you think about it, things are a tinier bit better than they were even twenty years ago, and a helluva lot better than in the past centuries.

So, in essance: things aren't as horrible as we first thought. We just amplify everything in our media. While things do suck, the world isn't going to go up in an unholy pillar of flame just yet. There are very likely more decent people than bad, and we still have a bit of time to work together to figure this shit out.

I think it's going to be okay.

That said, I leave you with these final parting words: Fuck 2012. I deny your Apocalypse and spit upon your doomsday prophesy!

Ta ta, my loves. Read my stories or just drop me a line, I do so love a good chat. :D

Your faithful servant ( in some things),

The Madwoman