I am the Phantom of the Library. I haunt the library, looking for the errant, irreverent clods who shelve books improperly and find it funny to hide notes of a vulgar nature within the sacred pages, seeking out the vandals of each precious temple of words and those who do not return my books at all.

I have seen these "fanfictions" that some of the cardholders write and post using my computers, and am intrigued. I have read some, and I defend the noble canon of my books, my soul, and proffer advice to those who I deem to need it, as nothing pleases me more than a possible author to add to my volumes.

If you wish to debate over my comments on your stories, leave a review with your e-mail, and I shall reply.

Beware of my magical lasso, and keep your hand at the level of your eyes: that is where some of the best books are.