Welcome to my first Darvey multi-chapter fic! If you've read my two other stories which are just a collection of one shots, you know I've been working on several multi-chapter fics for idk the last three years? Honestly, maybe longer. I just have this weird thing where I hate posting the first chapter if I don't basically have the whole thing written. So, I have two other fics that have been sitting on my computer, just waiting for me to get the inspiration to finish them. I've had this one started for quite a while as well, but as it often does, a burst of motivation came out of nowhere, and well, here we are.
Long story short, this is my alternate version of the season four finale and beginning of season five. Donna still leaves Harvey's desk, but things go very differently than the show. I've definitely seen this premise in a few other fics, but I don't believe I've read one that is set in this period of the show, so hopefully you enjoy.
And don't forget to leave a review!
««« ×ǁ DEVIATION ǁ× »»»
He lets himself sulk and simmer for maybe an hour.
He runs their conversations over and over again in his head. He chastises himself. He mopes. He tries to come up with a plan – some way to get her to change her mind.
He could apologize, he could beg her not to leave, he could ignore it all and hope she cools off enough by morning.
He considers each and every option, goes over them in minute detail, and tries to figure out the best course of action like she's a case that needs to be solved.
It's around nine o'clock when he makes the decision – choosing to bite the bullet and just head over there, see her face, feel her out, and figure out how to fix everything.
He can't leave it 'til morning. He can't take the chance that nothing will have changed.
It's too big a risk.
With the decision made, he shoots up from his desk and gathers his things, making it to the elevators in record time. He's in a hurry – as if each minute he lets pass, the more resolute she could be in her choice.
He takes out his frustration on the elevator button, aggressively pressing it over and over again until the doors finally open and he steps inside. The fifty floor descent is spent pacing around the small metal box, trying to swallow the large lump that's sitting in his throat.
Finally, he arrives at the lobby and the moment he can squeeze through the doors, he does, speeding down the long stretch of hallway until he's finally outside, sucking in that cool New York air.
Luckily, he doesn't have to wait long to get a cab – her address falling from his lips before the car door is even shut.
The trip is spent with his shoe anxiously tapping against the floor of the taxi, his nerves growing the closer he gets to her apartment. He tries to focus on what he'll say to her when he arrives, but his head is such a jumbled up mess – unable to think of anything but the worst case scenarios.
She might not change her mind. She might not even answer the door.
Every thought is absolutely paralyzing.
All the years they spent together, he never let himself imagine a world where she wasn't right by his side, being there to celebrate his wins, commiserate his losses, and steer him in the right direction.
Even now, he still can't fathom the thought of her not being there.
By the time he arrives, his heart is in his stomach. He can barely hear his knuckles rap against the wooden door over the thumping in his ears.
Taking a few deep breathes, he tries to calm himself, but then the sound of her nearing footsteps only intensifies his anxiety.
When the door finally swings open, she leans against the frame, looking melancholy and not at all surprised to find him in her hallway.
Meanwhile Harvey has forgotten every single thing he planned to say, and the only word he can force from his lips is, "Why?"
She rolls her eyes and exhales a breath. "Harvey, c'mon. You know why."
He thinks that maybe he does, but he really can't be sure. She's always been such a mystery to him.
Either way, he really doesn't like having his own words thrown right back in his face.
"Harvey, this is just something I need to do, okay?" She explains, her tone quiet and somber and not at all like the woman he's worked with for the past twelve years.
"I can't lose you," he responds, open, honest, and desperate. It's not something he wants to admit, but given her earlier declaration, it's clear he has nothing left to lose.
His words hit her hard, forcing her to momentarily close her eyes, as she tries to summon the strength not to run right back to him. "You aren't losing me," she insists. "We'll still be in each other's lives. I just can't work for you, anymore," she clarifies, doing everything she can to hold her ground.
"Donna… I just… what am I supposed do without you?" He questions as his heart breaks into five thousand pieces right in front of her.
It isn't until that moment that he realizes he won't be able to convince her – that she's actually doing this, she's leaving him.
"You'll be fine," she promises, her eyes becoming a bit misty. "You made it before me and you'll make it after me."
"We both know that's not true," he maintains, his throat feeling dry and his chest getting tight.
Donna sighs. "This will be good for us, Harvey, I promise," she reasons. "And, you know I would never leave you high and dry. I'll stay on for a few more weeks, until I can train a suitable replacement," she assures him.
He hates every single word coming out of her mouth, but he can see it in her eyes, she's made her decision.
"There's nothing I can do to change your mind?" He asks anyway, just to be sure.
"No," she replies, a light shake of her head the final nail in the coffin.
He exhales a shaky breath, sounding so soft and broken, before he forces a nod of his head, conveying that he understands.
A moment later, he's walking away, feeling completely numb and refusing to let himself even begin to envision what the future holds.
→→⸎←←
The next few weeks go by far too quickly and before he knows it, it's her last day at his desk. He's been dreading it since the moment he left her apartment that night, becoming more and more anxious as the day neared.
It was shortly after her impromptu announcement that they spent an entire afternoon interviewing replacements together. Afterwards, she waltzed into his office and gave him the resumes of her top three choices, placing them neatly on his desk for his review.
He spent the next two days firmly ignoring them, refusing to even take a peek until Donna all but forced it on him.
As expected, her selections were the best of the best.
He spent a full hour combing them over, trying to find any flaw he could use to delay the process just a little bit longer. But, of course, there were none – he's sure he would be lucky to have any of the three.
There was Madeline, a blonde who was likely in her mid-thirties and spent the last seven years working for a senior partner at Randolph & Randolph. There was Caitlin, a brunette in her late twenties, who spent three years as a judicial secretary for a Probate & Family Court Judge before working for a senior partner at Quinn & Colton. And then, there was Gretchen, an older woman with a no-nonsense attitude and decades of experience under her belt.
Once he had finally accepted his fate, it only took one more quick perusal of her choices before he informed her of his pick. Judging by the look on her face, she was clearly surprised by his decision to hire Gretchen, but she certainly endorsed it.
And if she knew the reason for the selection, she didn't let on.
Two days after that, Donna started training her, and over the last couple weeks, he's been nothing short of impressed with the woman.
Still, no matter how good she is, she's not Donna. She will never be Donna.
He's been trying his hardest to be mature about this. There have been so many times over the last three weeks that he wanted to beg her to stay – he would've doubled her salary if it meant she wouldn't leave.
But, she wants this. She says she needs it.
So, he's trying to respect that, regardless of how much he hates it.
After all of the years she's dedicated to him, he figures that he can at least give her this. He figures he owes her that much.
Still, he feels like he's on the verge of a meltdown for the better part of the day.
At around seven o'clock, he sees her start to clean out her desk, carefully placing everything into a large box that she'll carry over to her new desk in front of Louis's office. It takes about thirty seconds of watching her do it before he has to turn away, unable to see anymore.
No matter how much he tries to will the clock to slow down, never wanting this day to end, he's eventually forced to face the idea of saying goodbye.
Except, he just can't bear it, still in complete denial over everything that's happening. So, when she strolls into his office, intent on bidding him goodnight, he doesn't even give her a chance to open her mouth, instead suggesting that they get dinner and drinks to commemorate the end of an era.
She seems caught off guard by the gesture, but graciously agrees to it.
He hadn't even realized he had been holding his breath, anxiously awaiting her response, until his lungs filled with air again.
The evening starts off quiet, neither one of them sure what to say or how to act. But, once they are able to down a couple drinks, the evening normalizes and it's just like every other time they've gone out together – flirty and teasing and so much fun. He needs a few extra drinks to not be sad and nostalgic about that.
He's pretty sure he may have had one too many because he finds himself leaning over the table and saying, "You know… as of tonight, we don't work together anymore."
Her eyes widen in surprise, but then she lets out a genuine laugh that never ceases to bring a smile to his face.
Still, they end up at her place just twenty minutes later.
→→⸎←←
This time is nothing like the other time.
The other time was light and playful and easy; it was new and exciting. It was years of built-up sexual tension and flirtatious innuendo all coming to a head.
This time is slow and intimate; it is intense and overwhelming; it's complicated and dangerous.
It's years of pretend and almosts and suppressed feelings all barreling towards each other.
This time he worships her body, thanking her for every single thing she's ever done for him – for the tireless years of dedication, for the vigorous protection, for the unwavering faith – for everything.
This time he kisses her like he means it – with passion and care, pressing his lips to every bit of skin he can reach.
This time he looks at her with more than just lust in his eyes. This time, he looks at her like she holds the world.
Because she does.
Afterwards, he doesn't want to let her go.
So, he just keeps kissing her – and they end up going again.
Eventually, it's well past midnight and they both have work in the morning, so he gets dressed and she slips on a robe and walks him out.
Standing in the threshold of her open doorway, he's staring down at her, unsure of what to say. There's so many things he probably should, but he can't trust himself to say it right. So, he just leans in and kisses her again, no longer sure if it's allowed, but needing it too much to even try and stop himself.
And when she lets him, his whole body hums with joy.
It's everything.
Afterwards, he pulls away and is just as lost for words as he was before.
Except, she's still looking up at him, waiting for him to say something. So, he does.
"Maybe… maybe we could do this more often?" He suggests, absent-mindedly scratching at the back of his neck. "Have dinner together, I mean," he adds, not wanting her to think he's asking for a fuck buddy.
He wants to say more. He wants to ask her for more. He just isn't sure if he can – if she wants him to.
If he's being honest, he isn't sure about much these days.
"Sure," Donna nods, her expression completely unreadable.
"Okay, good," Harvey says, awkwardly, not sure how to feel about her response. He was hoping for something else – something more, but the fact that she didn't outright decline will have to be enough. "Well, I'll see you tomorrow," he offers, feeling more nervous than he's ever been around her. "Have a good first day," he adds, with as much of a smile as he can muster.
"Thanks Harvey," she says, looking genuinely grateful for the comment.
"Goodnight Donna."
"Goodnight."
««« ×ǁ DEVIATION ǁ× »»»
Hope everyone enjoyed this first chapter. This story will be about as angsty as I get, which is to say, no that much. It's a short multi-chapter fic with about four chapters written so far. That's probably all I'll do, but I have definitively decided yet, so who knows.
Anyway, please let me know what you think and I will try to get the next chapter posted ASAP!