Hotch stared intently at the wall directly facing his desk.
Top Profiler though he may be, he couldn't quite diagnose the tumultuous emotions that were fighting for dominance in his gut. Anger, indignation and guilt swirled inside of him with varying degrees of intensity. Anger at the way Rossi had spoken to him, indignation at the fact that Rossi thought he had the right to speak to him like that in the first place and guilt because deep down… he knew Rossi had been right.
He had been an arrogant, dictatorial jerk.
He blinked as his eyes protested against the strain he was putting them under and sighed. He had been foolish to think that recruiting his old Mentor onto the team would come without bumps in the road. He just hadn't expected a power struggle between ex-student and seemingly present Master to be one of them. He had expected, and rightly so, that Rossi would struggle to adapt to the team dynamic so at odds with the solo dynamic he had been used to but that was about it. Sitting back in his chair with a wearied groan, he was surprised to find two whole hours had passed since Rossi had left. Before he could reconcile this breach of time/space continuum, an aggressive knock sounded.
"Come in."
Even to his own ears, it was the most unconvincing invitation he had ever heard.
The mere sight of Strauss made his heart sink and that was before she had a chance to open her mouth. Standing respectfully as she entered the room, Hotch wondered briefly whether his decision to leave the law was the most stupid of his lifetime. Sitting down at Strauss' terse nod he had to concede that the DA's office had its own share of embittered and short sighted Boss' and better the devil one knows and such like.
"Ma'am. What can I do for you?"
The glare he received was akin to if he had murdered the woman's hypothetical puppy.
"You can provide me with some answers, Agent Hotchner. Namely, just where in the good hell are those reports that you assured me would be on my desk first thing this morning? I have a meeting with the Deputy Director in thirty minutes and just what do you expect me to tell him? Hmm? That I have absolutely no idea how this Unit has performed this month as compared to last month because its Unit Chief has decided to take an unauthorised step back from his basic duties? Would that work for you? Please, tell me. Because it would appear that I must pander to your needs and not the other way around."
Hotch closed his eyes as the tirade washed over him and felt his anger at Rossi intensify. If he hadn't marched into his office this morning and caused World War Three he would have maybe gotten through the reports by now. Forcing open his eyes and his mouth, he tried to appease the snorting dragon across from him as best he could.
"Ma'am. I can only apologise. I assure you the reports will be on your desk by end of business today. Please explain to the Deputy Director that the fault lies squarely with me and that I will, of course, accept any disciplinary measures he deems appropriate."
He waited for the snarling rebuke he was sure was about to be flung at him but it never came.
"What's going on, Aaron?"
Hotch felt surprise burn him at the extreme shift in tone.
"Ma'am?"
Strauss offered him an extremely rare smile, albeit it a small one.
"You are usually and annoyingly perfect in the performance of your administrative duties. You go off the reservation in the most outrageous of ways on a frequent flier basis with your team in the field, but you are never late in turning in your reports. This is not the first time this has happened recently. What is going on?"
Hotch blinked and felt an involuntary shrug lift his shoulders.
"I don't have an excuse-"
"I'm not looking for an excuse, Aaron. I am looking for an explanation. You don't like me and that's fine. You think I am a political mover who is only concerned with the next step up the ladder and that's fine too. You're wrong about me but it's fine. So, for arguments sake, let's assume just for the purposes of this conversation that I am an actual human being with at least a basic understanding of the human condition. You look tired, you look stressed and frankly… you seem… sad. What is going on? Maybe, just maybe, I can help you."
Hotch felt the intensity of the woman's sincerity and a small chink appeared in his Strauss armour.
"I…" he shook his head. "I guess being the Boss isn't as easy as it looks from the outside in."
Strauss nodded understandingly.
"No, it isn't," she agreed. "It is oftentimes a thankless, misunderstood position that everyone thinks they want and deserve until they get it and then they realise it isn't all picnics in the park. So, is this a people problem or a more general problem?"
Hotch studied her intently for a moment before answering guardedly.
"A people problem."
"Subordinate, peer or superior?"
Hotch couldn't help the small, wry smile that crossed his face.
"All of the above, it would seem."
Strauss let out a small laugh. Hotch registered that he had never heard her laugh before.
"I get it. Listen to me Aaron. You drive me crazy as a subordinate. I drive you crazy as a superior. We both have intensely different leadership styles but we have one thing in common, not that you would ever believe it. We both want what's best for our people. Sometimes that involves knowing what is best for them when they don't know what's best for them. Sometimes that involves forcing what is best for them upon them. Sometimes that makes you unpopular. Sometimes that makes your people bitch about you over beers and peanuts in some dingy bar. It comes with the territory and you, for want of a better expression, just have to suck it up. You are going to have to be the bad guy for as long as you sit in that chair."
She stood and gave Hotch a knowing look.
"It can be harder to deal with a peer or superior than it is with a subordinate. Struggling with that doesn't mean you don't have what it takes to do this job. Struggling with that means that you're invested enough in this job to make you the only person I want sitting in that chair."
She walked towards the door and offered one last pearl of wisdom to a stunned Hotch.
"Reid is an amazing young man. He requires guidance and consistency. You are more than adequate in providing same. Rossi is a stubborn old mule who forgets more in one day than perhaps you will ever know. He should be treated with deference and respect but the official hierarchy is what the official hierarchy is within these walls. You're both big and bold enough to figure out how it works unofficially and outside these walls."
She opened the door and snapped back from Jekyll into Hyde mode.
"Have those reports on my desk by end of day or you will regret it, Agent Hotchner."
With that, she was gone, leaving a thoroughly stunned Aaron in her wake. Shaking his head he turned back to the paperwork on his desk in a daze in a sudden need for normalcy and routine. Within twenty minutes he was immersed with thoughts of Rossi and Strauss planted firmly at the back of his mind. Noon turned to afternoon and afternoon to evening outside his windows as he worked steadily. It was only when his stomach threw a hunger-based tantrum did he look up from finalising his last report. Standing and stretching, he scooped them off and set off for Strauss' office which was mercifully empty. Dropping the stack on her desk he turned back to his own office, passing Rossi's on the way. Glancing in despite himself he felt repressed guilt burn him at the sight of Rossi's bent over head, deep in his own files. Sighing, he reminded himself that a problem delayed is a problem doubled and reluctantly knocked on the man's door.
The "enter" was both comforting and discomforting at the same time.
Rossi looked up as his protégé entered the room. Setting down his pen and gesturing for the younger man to take a seat, he settled back in his own with his face taking on a perfectly neutral look. Dropping himself into the chair, Hotch took a deep breath and tried to organise his thoughts into some semblance of well-spoken order. He failed.
"I'm sorry for being such an asshole."
Rossi snorted and shook his head slowly.
"That was eloquent."
A small smirk crossed Hotch's face as he shrugged his shoulders.
"I am known for my way with words."
"Uh huh," said Rossi dryly. "Well, unfortunately, a bald statement like that isn't going to cut it Aaron but I think you know that. I do not care what title is on your office door, you don't ever get to speak to me like that. You don't get to speak to anyone like that, period. Do you recall me ever speaking down to you when you were actually below me in this place? Do you?"
Hotch had to work hard not to drop his gaze and not to squirm in his seat.
"No," he admitted. "I don't. Look, Rossi, I lost my temper and said things you know I didn't mean. I genuinely am sorry for how I spoke to you. I was out of line and it will not happen again. I just… it won't happen again."
"I want to know why it happened in the first place."
Hotch groaned.
"Rossi, c'mon, I-"
"Answer me."
"I don't know!" Hotch said loudly. "I just… I just lost my temper. I was behind on my reports, Strauss was on my back and I needed to get them turned in. I genuinely forgot you wanted to see me and I guess… I guess I didn't like being summoned to your office like I was a know-nothing rookie in the first place. I lost my cool and I snapped. It shouldn't have happened and I'm not proud of it. It won't happen again. Can't we just leave it at that?"
Rossi shook his head slowly with an odd expression on his face..
"No, Aaron, we can't leave it at that."
Hotch looked at his old Mentor with pained confusion.
"It's not like you to rub salt in the wounds, Dave," he muttered. "I've said I'm sorry on multiple occasions. I don't know what else you want me to do. I don't mean that in a rude way, either. I genuinely don't know what else I can do."
Rossi sighed.
"You can start by taking note of the fact that if you ever speak to me like that again, Unit Chief or no Unit Chief, you're going to require a proctologist to remove my boot from your ass. Understood?"
Hotch nodded with chagrin and a faint blush across his cheeks.
"Understood."
"Good. You can continue by taking note of the fact that a superior, know-it-all attitude, will not serve you well in a position of power within the FBI. With me and with every other person in this place. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar and all that. You do not throw your position in someone's face like some kind of bomb. My face or anyone else's. A controlled ego is all well and good but an uncontrolled one will alienate you from those around you and an Agent in the field without the goodwill and respect of those around him is a very dangerous thing. Do I make myself abundantly clear to you?"
Hotch groaned inwardly and dropped his gaze but managed to nod his head slowly.
"Crystal clear."
"Eyes up and on me. You know better."
The younger man reluctantly did as he was bid.
"I trust I have impressed upon you the way in which I expect to be spoken to from here on out, Aaron?"
Hotch nodded.
"Yes," he said quietly. "You have. It was my bad, won't happen again."
Rossi nodded and adopted a gentler tone.
"It's been more than a while since I've had to chew you out. Glad to see I don't seem to have lost my touch. Aren't you?"
Hotch rolled his eyes with a sarcastic nod.
"Oh sure. I'm Thrilled. Delighted. Overwhelmed with joy."
Rossi shook his head with a faux glare.
"Great to see you're as incorrigible as ever," he muttered. "Now that we've got that out of the way we can-"
"Get dinner," Hotch interjected hopefully. "It's been a long day and I could really go for a steak at that place down the road if you're interested?"
"I may be interested," Rossi said cagily. " But we're not through talking yet, Aaron."
Hotch stared in indignation.
"Oh come on, Dave, I swallowed the reaming you just gave me. I thought we were square. What else is there to talk about?"
Rossi raised a brow.
"Maybe the thing I wanted to talk to you about in the first place."
Hotch blinked.
"Oh. I forgot about that."
"Yes," said Rossi sarcastically. "Tantrum throwing is very energy consuming. It's understandable that things can slip through the cracks."
Aaron sighed and held up his hands in defeat.
"Alright, alright. What did you want to talk to me about?"
Rossi folded his arms and leaned back in his chair, fixing his protégé with a stern glare.
"I wanted to talk to you about your gross mismanagement of Reid and what in the good hell you were thinking throughout the entirety of our last case. I wanted to talk to you about your failure to discharge your duty to that boy when he clearly needed your direct intervention. I wanted to talk to you about how you put your own needs and feelings above the needs of someone who relies on you, looks up to you and depends on you. I wanted to talk to you, in short, about why you felt it was ok to let Spencer down, and by letting him down also letting the entire team down, and I wanted to talk to you about how you're going to get your head out of your ass and back on your shoulders."
He raised a brow in the direction of a rapidly paling Hotch.
"Does that sound like a pleasant conversation that you're keen to have, Aaron?"
Swallowing in discomfort, Hotch shook his head and spoke quietly.
"Not really. Not at all, actually. Rossi please, I have-"
"Get up and close the door properly Aaron. I don't think you are going to want anyone to overhear this conversation and although these offices are built to be soundproof, they can't be if the door is ajar."
Hotch balked.
"Jesus, Dave, seriously? I don't need another lecture. I've dealt with it and-"
"Get up and close the door now or it stays open. It's entirely your choice but it is most certainly your last chance."
Staring miserably at his Mentor, Hotch knew there was absolutely no changing the man's mind. An instinctive need to tell him to shove his impending lecture where the sun doesn't shine was dampened by the burns of the chewing out he'd just received. Sighing inwardly he made his decision. If sitting through another tirade as to why he was the world's worst Unit Chief was what he needed to do to end the day peaceably, he would do it. Reluctantly, but he would do it. Standing he walked briskly across the room and shut the door softly. Sitting back down in the chair across from his old boss and friend, he raised a brow.
"Happy?"
Rossi shook his head sadly.
"No, Aaron. I'm not happy. You really don't think you deserve this, do you?"
Hotch shrugged his shoulders.
"I've already beaten myself up about this. I've dealt with Reid. I don't see what your telling me what I already know can do. It's not a question about whether or not I deserve it-"
"That's ok," Rossi interrupted as if he had never spoken, a dark edge creeping into his voice. "By the time I get through with you, you'll be falling over yourself to tell me exactly why you deserve this."
There was something in the man's tone that set alarms off in Hotch's head.
"Get through with me? What does that mean?"
Rossi raised a brow.
"It means that you ain't the Unit Chief right now. You're just Aaron and Aaron is in a hell of a lot of trouble."
….
TBC.
…